Alexandra Quick and the Thorn Circle by Inverarity - K+ [Archive]

ray243

06-23-2009, 11:56 AM

Title: Alexandra Quick and the Thorn Circle
Author: Inverarity
Rating: K+
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
DLP Category: General???
Pairing: None
Status: Completed

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3964606/1/Alexandra_Quick_and_the_Thorn_Circle

Summary: The war against Voldemort never reached America, but American wizarding society has its own problems. For eleven year-old Alexandra Quick, learning she's a witch will only be the first of many surprises. Canon-compliant, but all OCs and original setting.

It's an interesting story with a interesting OC with personal flaws. What I like about the story is the fact that the America wizarding society is not a carbon copy of the British wizarding world, nor is it simply a superior version of the wizarding world. It has its own set of cultural problems and doesn't have a need for the OC to meet up with Harry Potter simply becase they are set in the same world.

Despite all the cultural difference, it still feels like it is set in the HP world.

BOOK 2:

Title: Alexandra Quick and the Lands Below (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4684861/1/Alexandra_Quick_and_the_Lands_Below)
Rating: T
Summary: Seventh grader Alexandra Quick returns to Charmbridge Academy. This year she will face bullies from another wizarding school, a secret Dark Arts club, and her father's scheming, but her most terrible trials await her in the strange and deadly Lands Below!

BOOK 3:

Title: Alexandra Quick and the Deathly Regiment (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5784632/1/Alexandra_Quick_and_the_Deathly_Regiment)
Rating: T
Summary: Alexandra Quick begins eighth grade at Charmbridge Academy angry and in denial. When guilt and obsession lead her to a fateful choice, it is not only her own life that hangs in the balance, for she will uncover the secret of the Deathly Regiment!

enembee

06-23-2009, 12:01 PM

Link would help.

Xanatos

06-23-2009, 12:05 PM

In before link, sounds terrible

Silens Cursor

06-23-2009, 12:10 PM

You can't be serious, reccing this. Honestly, you can't be serious.

I literally had it out with the author about this fic on Mugglenet, about how despite her ability to create an incredibly interesting take on the USA, complete with a well-crafted setting and historical background (and I'll forgive a lot of fics if they have that), there were still flaws in her story I could not reconcile.

How about a main character that is completely unlikeable and incredibly immature, even for her age? A Headmistress who gets away with doing things to the students that even Snape would get fired for? A set of support characters that do not evolve or change in the course of the story? And the one character I actually liked (the school janitor, a hippie-wizard named Journey) turned out to be the fucking main villain.

I didn't like the messages the author tried to convey through her story - which weren't helped by the fact that her writing was, like Rowling's, bogged down through incredible amounts of filler. Unlike Rowling, Inverarity's writing does not have the clarity or strength of dialogue that allows her story to remain entertaining. Perhaps it's because the entire fic is written through the perspective of a character that is immature, bitchy, stubborn to the point of idiocy, and is generally unlikeable. It doesn't help that I really tend not like first year fics.

Don't get me wrong, the author does create an incredibly detailed setting with a historical background that I only wish Rowling had given us to fill more plot holes, but this story was a chore for me to read - and any story that's a chore for me to read for the above reasons doesn't belong in the library.

2/5

enembee

06-23-2009, 12:41 PM

I even went to seek this one out and wow. Blam this. Couldn't even read the first four paragraphs, America ruins everything that's good about Harry Potter.

2/5

ZeroTheDestroyer

06-23-2009, 12:43 PM

I don't get it? Why do you even bother reading something this stupid? Do you people read everything? Harry Potter x America, Harry Potter x Assrape, Harry Potter x Fuck you.

Whatever happened to the old Harry Potter days? When crossovers were few and Harry was a wimp...yeah also went and searched this fic it is a piece of shit.

2/5

General Custer

06-23-2009, 01:04 PM

I believe that the OP needs to be introduced to Potter Law (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showpost.php?p=160510&postcount=1). Specifically, rule 1.

sincostan

06-23-2009, 01:22 PM

Everything's better... IN AMERICA!!!

Taure

06-23-2009, 01:27 PM

Link for those unable to perform a simple search function:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3964606/1/Alexandra_Quick_and_the_Thorn_Circle

Andromalius

06-23-2009, 02:45 PM

The beginning of the story reads very naturally. Everything proceeds as I imagined it would if a witch was in America and trying to learn more. The author really tries to make a sense of mystery as the OC deals with skeptics and stalks the magical creatures.

Unfortunately, the OCs are irritating, which automatically killed the story. I tried to be more open-minded about OC-centric stories after reading the brilliant fic by Psuedonym Sam in the General section, but this one just reminded me why I hated them in the first place. Subjecting yourself to 600,000 words of this is the equivalent to injecting your testicles with acid which then dissolve into mush within the scrotum.

Someone could create a tale of a bunny rabbit made out of shit as it hops all over the place on an epic journey of self-discovery. It could be absolutely perfect, but it wold still be entirely worthless. The same applies to all stories taking place in America.

Abstained from rating, since it couldn't sustain interest long enough to reach the American Hogwarts.

Sesc

06-23-2009, 04:31 PM

That fic rings a bell ... we had that, somewhere. *searches* Ah, and there (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=177342#post177342) it is. She's even registered. Now she only needs to show up again >_>

Also, OC-centric stories: this is how to not do it. You do it like that (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=12239).

pdo91

06-23-2009, 04:57 PM

I scanned through the first chapter to see what all the hate was about. I thought of something odd, so I did a word search. And then a search in the next chapter. And then the next. And the next.

The word "Voldemort" didn't show up in this story until chapter 16. Even then, it's only used once and in passing to talk about how the evil OC talked with other evil people over the course of his evil life. The word Voldemort is never used again.

The word "Harry" is NEVER USED. Period. That's right, in the entire 29 chapters, there is no mention of Harry Potter.

It gets a 0/5 because it's NOT HARRY POTTER FANFICTION! The author didn't even have the good grace to give characters Harry Potter names before everything is raped into deformity.

tl;dr = It sucks dickballs, kill it with fire

ZeroTheDestroyer

06-23-2009, 04:58 PM

Hashasheen

06-23-2009, 06:02 PM

Perhaps it's because the entire fic is written through the perspective of a character that is immature, bitchy, stubborn to the point of idiocy, and is generally unlikeable.

So its throuh a fem! Ron's eyes? :awesome

Also, OC-centric stories: this is how to not do it. You do it like that (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=12239).
Indeed. Despite the fact that I never bothered to give him a review (too busy fanboying); it is the pinnacle of OC fics. Dude just needs to update more. If only all writers had Shezza-update skills.:(

ray243

06-23-2009, 10:52 PM

snip
2/5

Lol, what are you seriously expecting? A 11 year old girl that's immature? Wow, that's so hard to believe. Oh wait, didn't Harry act like an idiot from time to time, rushing into danger despite the risk and surviving due to pure luck? Yeah, let's start hating the Harry Potter series!

It almost seems like you are expecting 11 year olds to acts like adults, or act like some sort of Beowulf.

America=suck? Funny when most of the people who read the stories can't even name me the flaws about this version of wizarding Americas.

And Harry isn't mentioned much in the series? Oh wow, for some weird reason, Harry must be around everywhere in the world right?

Some of the criticism down here is downright hilarious. :rolleyes:

Andromalius

06-23-2009, 11:20 PM

ray243

06-23-2009, 11:32 PM

Nothing approaching the level of hilarity in your post, I assure you. :rolleyes:

Perhaps it's because the entire fic is written through the perspective of a character that is immature, bitchy, stubborn to the point of idiocy, and is generally unlikeable. It doesn't help that I really tend not like first year fics.

Realism doesn't benefit the story when the characterization defines the narration itself.

Well, the author never pretend that the person is immature, bitchy and stubborn to begin with. Nor did the Author even pretend that Alexandra is even well like among her peers and the teachers.

Of course, if you are looking for some sort of escape fantasy story, you won't like to see a rather flawed protagonist and would prefer to see someone who is more "awesome but flawed".

On the other hand, if someone don't me reading a story depicts the protagonist as idiotic and acts just like an 11 year old, then there's not much things to criticise about.

Then again, it's still hilarious to see people bitching about a character being bitchy.

Andromalius

06-23-2009, 11:39 PM

Silens Cursor

06-23-2009, 11:52 PM

He's getting defensive, oh, this is interesting... and here's a friendly tl, dr; warning for all DLP members who don't care to read me rant.

Basically, Andromalius addressed the main point here, but I'm going to add a few other things. As somebody who has written non-Harry centric fics (I'm still updating my Lily/Snape fic, if you must know - just don't tell Vash about it), I'm going to say that you want your protagonist to be relatable, or at least somebody you can understand. That's probably why a bunch of angsty teenagers like Alexandra Quick, and I was slightly put off by her characterization, because it was anathema to me.

One of the reasons my old fic Dealer Agent and its sequel The Broken River failed so badly was not because of bad dialogue or OOC-ness or even a ludicrous premise, but because the main character, the 'dealer agent', was a completely unlikable character. Besides being a cold and caustic bitch, she was also an angsty little cunt who spent years wallowing in her own misery and guilt before a lucky break wrenched her back on track. And then she still didn't change her behavior. Her characterization was haphazard and static, and funnily enough, most readers liked my other OC (Keith Shacklebolt, a squib brother to Kingsley who became a easy-going Muggle gangster) more than anybody else.

So let's take things back to Alexandra Quick, shall we? She's a character who, in my opinion, is far less likeable than young Harry Potter. Harry Potter, in the early books, was humble. He had a modicum of decency and he was genuinely a likeable character. Even when he did make mistakes or stupid decisions, they could be forgiven because he at least felt an element of remorse and guilt for his actions, due to the fact he had a working conscience. And one of the reasons I actually liked the early books was because Harry viewed the magical world with a sense of wonder and amazement, and through some truly superb description, Rowling conveyed that through his characterization. I still hold Goblet of Fire as the best of the series because of how Rowling opened up an entire magical world to Harry, and his marvel at being a part of it is so well written that one could empathize with Harry.

Alexandra, on the other hand, has none of those features that make her a character I can empathize with. She's whiny to the pont of annoyance. She's stubborn to the point of ridiculousness. She doesn't think before she acts. And to top it off, she has very little (if any) respect for anyone around her, and that includes the magical world - and considering Inverarity created such a magical world, I found this extremely disappointing. It's almost if the author took the worst elements of Harry and Hermione and fused them together to make a disjointed, utterly infuriating main character, one I cannot empathize with. And when the entire story is told through her point of view, the fic becomes a slog to read through, and a slog does not belong in the library.

Buddy, I'm going to give you a little piece of advice, considering you are new here. First off, recommending non-Harry centric fics is generally a bad idea, particularly ones that take place in America. OC-centric fics only work if there is superlative writing, well defined characters, agreeable characterization, and a riveting plotline, and this fic only has a bit of the first. There are other sites that will typically easily accept non-Harry centric works, but DLP is not one of them (hell, there's a very good reason my Lily/Snape fic will NEVER end up on this site, no matter how well-written it is - although most of DLP hates Snape with a passion, anyways).

The second bit of advice is in regards to the whole 'American' thing. As Andro commented in an earlier thread, Inverarity did manage to create a realistic American wizarding world, but the rest of the story did not work. A lot of site members tend to despise the commonly held fangirl belief that 'US is teh magical paradise!!!11!!', and I'm one of them. Mordecai can elaborate in far more detail on this than I can, so I suggest you PM him if you want to get in a more, in-depth discussion on this.

Finally, and this is a personal preference of mine, is about first year fics. A lot of fanfiction authors are beginning to take this route, and frankly, I'm not surprised. When Rowling capped off the series with HBP and DH, a lot of writers are feeling they have to go back to the beginning to restart everything - or, in Inverarity's case, create a whole new world from scratch. And all of these epic series (most of which are never finished, and the rest tend to dissolve into angst around the fourth/fifth year (see R-Series for details on that)) tend to start at first year. I tend not to like these fics because they lack a certain degree of sophistication in the part of the narrating main character. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a sucker for good intrigue and a story with mature and adult content, and that's visible in my writing. Frankly, I find it difficult and boring to read a story in which first year students bumble around. Philosopher's Stone had the single redeeming grace of having a cast of exceptionally likeable (and dislikable) characters, some superb dialogue, and a relatively short word length (at least compared to every subsequent story). This was one of the problems that a lot of DLP members had with Fidelius a few years ago (and I can't blame them) and that problem, I think, remains today. The first year story doesn't work for me, and when it's told though the perspective of an unlikeable character, and it goes on entirely too long (that story could have been several thousand words shorter, and she still would have made her point - honestly, how can some authors write so much goddamn filler?), I can't appreciate it.

/rant

Like it or not, my rating is still remaining at a 2/5, buoyed up only by some excellent setting creation (one of the few redeeming things about this fic, but I'm a sucker for history anyways) and passable writing. And this rating's not getting any higher - and this story's not ending up in the library.

enembee

06-24-2009, 12:15 AM

Silens, you're doing it wrong. This is how you do it:

Bad, 2/5.

Kerrus

06-24-2009, 02:29 AM

Well, the author never pretend that the person is immature, bitchy and stubborn to begin with. Nor did the Author even pretend that Alexandra is even well like among her peers and the teachers.

Of course, if you are looking for some sort of escape fantasy story, you won't like to see a rather flawed protagonist and would prefer to see someone who is more "awesome but flawed".

On the other hand, if someone don't me reading a story depicts the protagonist as idiotic and acts just like an 11 year old, then there's not much things to criticise about.

Then again, it's still hilarious to see people bitching about a character being bitchy.

What you just said... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7w64fbqYQY)

ray243

06-24-2009, 02:33 AM

Self-honesty is a great virtue and all that, but it does not make the reading experience better. I don't mind bitchy or idiotic characters - but at least in the Harry Potter books, it only extends to the events, not in how J.K.R. writes. Here, it permeates the reading experience itself. That's what I meant by irritating, at least. There's no separation between the OC's characterization and the story-telling.

There is nothing preventing a flawed character from being likeable, just as there is nothing preventing a perfect character from being unlikeable. I recall Apropos from Sir Apropos of Nothing. He is a coward, a cripple, spiteful, cannot be empathized with, but carried a trilogy because he had wry wit and flair. Flawed but great to read.

Alexandra is flawed and infuriating to read.

And it's still hilarious to read about someone defending the literary equivalent of a chick flick. Continue the amused condescension if you wish.

However, a infuriating character to read is relative to the reader. Moreover, trying to say that a certain teenager isn't relatable is weird considering the fact that Alexandra acts like alot of teenagers of her age. Maybe she will mature, maybe she won't, but to me that is what makes me willingly to follow the story despite her large number of flaws.

The desire to find out how much she has mature as she grows up.

Maybe this forum defination of relatable is to see young characters acting like adults perhaps, or teenagers who are more mature than their age.

What about angsty characters? Given the fact that people who are 11 or 12 don't really experienced the death of a loved, I would say a number of characters has a greater reason to be angst.

I really find it weird that most members down here would bash a story based on the settings, such as a US magicial world, or a OC-centric story simply because they do not feature Harry Potter. That is the reason I find the reviews to be so funny, especially when people are making reflex judgement( like calling the US world to be perfect or saying Alexandra is a mary-sue).

I don't know, it really seems like this site is rather narrow minded to me or maybe we have a fundemental difference between what is fun to read.

Zombie

06-24-2009, 02:49 AM

And the one character I actually liked (the school janitor, a hippie-wizard named Journey) turned out to be the fucking main villain.
Thats pretty standard right there actually.
Most often its who you see first. Standard movie ploy, and I both hate and like it. Although this story as a whole I didn't like it cause of what of seemed to me from the summary, a SI story.

Also I hate those books that have their own little side books following alternative POVs, like the books about Bean in the Enderverse? I fucking hate that.

Aekiel

06-24-2009, 02:49 AM

A lot of teenagers are idiots and spiteful, stubborn-for-no-reason and proud beyond reason. So yes, she acts just like everyone else her age.

ray243

06-24-2009, 03:19 AM

A lot of teenagers are idiots and spiteful, stubborn-for-no-reason and proud beyond reason. So yes, she acts just like everyone else her age.

You need a reason to be stubborn?

Zombie

06-24-2009, 03:51 AM

Obviously you don't.

pdo91

06-24-2009, 04:10 AM

I think you're missing the point about the angst. Yes, we understand that 11 year olds have the right to be angsty. But we don't want to read about whiny 11 year olds, we want to read about 11 year olds who stop whining and do something interesting. In fact, just cut out the 11 years old and angst.

We want to read something interesting.

And ray, we at DLP don't make snap judgments. If a fic is set in America, it's generally a red flag of faggotry, but it's just a warning sign. If a fic sounds stupid, we'll say something along the lines of, "Wow, that sounds so stupid my dog could piss the summary into the snow. Plus, it's set in America! This is gonna suck."

Now, if we say something final with little room for interpretation like:

Alexandra is flawed and infuriating to read. That means that the story has been read and deemed lacking. Silens gave you a long, detailed, neutral list of the positive and negative aspects of this story that even you can't deny. Just because this fic is set in America, and just because this fic has angsty 11 year olds, doesn't mean it's a bad fic.

That does not change the fact that this fic, with angsty American 11 year olds, fails.

Clarification: Because you were dancing around the subject earlier, when I say this fic "fails", I mean that it's generic, contrived, annoying, not entertaining, and it has a minimal connection (read: a poached magic system) to Harry Potter, which is what this forum is all about. It doesn't matter that you think that the characters are realistic, and it doesn't matter if the characters are realistic: what does matter is that this story is sub-par in nearly all categories necessary for a good fic.

And on the topic of whether or not the Alexandra can be related to/is realistic: Yes, she acts exactly like someone her age would. When we read fanfiction, it's to read about things that we don't experience every day. That's what we have "real life" for, and it's why stories aren't "real life in words". So reading about a character that acts exactly as we expect her to become tiresome extremely quickly. Just because she can use magic doesn't mean that everything else isn't completely vanilla, and doesn't mean the story becomes engaging. And she doesn't even have to be mature or bizarre or have MPD - she just has to be different than every other person her age.

Dark Lord Potter is a place for thought-provoking, convoluted, brutal, uncommon, intriguing, and intense fanfiction. No matter how much you try to rationalize what we say away, the fic is still none of these things. No matter how many times you nit-pick at the diction of our posts, this will not change.

If, however, you have thoughtful and logical reason that promotes this story, it will noted and seriously considered.

I sincerely doubt you have such a reason.

Sesc

06-24-2009, 07:35 AM

I don't know, it really seems like this site is rather narrow minded to me or maybe we have a fundemental difference between what is fun to read.

What an intriguing hypothesis! You mean, something like a strong focus on stories that feature a more independent and/or dark Harry? No, I think you must be mistaken.

Oh wait.

That said, I don't get what you nigs are talking about with whiny-ness and self-angst. The opening line ("Not far from the Interstate ...") made me want to strangle someone slowly, sure; preferably the author; but after I got over that and otherwise in general it's been fairly reasonable. I just finished the second shopping trip and am moderately entertained. Did I catch the wrong story or what? Or does it get worse later on?

Edit: Also, Angelique sounds hawt, but that might just be the name.

enembee

06-24-2009, 07:54 AM

Wish my fic got this much interesting discussion.

General Custer

06-24-2009, 08:01 AM

*coughattentionwhorecough*

enembee

06-24-2009, 08:03 AM

:D All awesome people are attention whores. At least I didn't provide a link.

ZeroTheDestroyer

06-24-2009, 08:05 AM

That is because you are lazy, provide a link at the bottom of your sig. What is the point of advertising if there is no link?

enembee

06-24-2009, 09:21 AM

Whoops, I forgot about that. Fixed.

Insane Juggler

06-24-2009, 10:02 AM

We would talk about your fic if it were this uncool. But we all already know how awesome it is, and if you feel neglected because of that, you can re-read about it in WBA.

Back on topic now.

Sesc

06-24-2009, 04:06 PM

Well, alright. So I'm almost done with the story and I dig it. Seriously. I started reading in the morning, then pushed away any assignments so that I could read on. I've spent the entire day reading -- I haven't done that in a very long time.

The story is written very well. The plot is engaging, and Alexandra Quick ... perhaps it's got to do with different reading perspectives. Maybe you look at it a bit more from the outside than I do. Generally, since she doesn't think of herself as unlikeable, I wouldn't think of her as unlikeable, if that makes sense.

But even beyond that; I love her, really. There's just something about watching someone running their head against a wall and see the wall crumble. She's so utterly and radically consequent in her actions, it's fantastic. I've always admired that, so reading about it is very compelling. It's the thought that anyone has only as much authority over you as you allow them to have, brought to it's logical end.

The consequences to her actions aren't missing; but the author manages to keep the balance there -- the story would fail spectacularly the very moment Alex would be shown as beaten down, caving in, adapted. But so far it works; her counterpart is the Dean (and in a broader sense, the Wizarding World which the Dean represents) and you have the old thing about the unstoppable force and the immovable object. Watching both clash is awesome.

In a way, this is how I sometimes wished Harry would have been, for example in OotP with Umbridge. Nothing annoys me more than seeing things done halfway, in a wishi washi fashion. Either you do it completely, or not at all: Harry confronts Umbridge at first, but later caves and backs down as McGonagall demands. Alex sets her mind to something and sees it through, to whatever end.

It's fascinating. I haven't been gripped like this by a story in months.

4.5/5

coleam45

06-24-2009, 06:28 PM

I'm gonna have to agree with Sesc on this one (for the most part). It's definitely engaging, and though Alexandra can be horribly infuriating at times, there are still qualities about her that make her a likeable character. She may be stubborn, bitchy, and petty, but she's persistant (which I like in a character) and her stubborness is somewhat of an offshoot of that. The bitchiness so far seems only apply to people who deserve it (I'm only ten chapters in, so correct me if that changes), and pettiness is to be expected from an eleven year old. Mostly I admire her spirit (no matter how cliched that sounds). She never gives up and won't let anyone tell her what to do. I also, like pretty much everyone else, enjoy the detail that the author put into the American magical community. It's very complete and well executed, to the point where it almost seems possible.

That being said, this story isn't perfect. I think the author laid the "rebellious teenager" on way too thick, especially considering that Alex is still two years away from being a teenager. The way the characters, especially Alex, are written, I keep picturing them as being about 14-15 instead of 11. I also agree with Silens about Dean Grimm - it seems like the author put too much effort into making her horrible, to the point where it starts to seem forced. Making the system biased against Alex alone seems like a contrivance and while I do enjoy her efforts to fight that system, it creates a lot of unncessary conflict and eats up time that could be used to develop the other supporting characters more.

So while it does have many flaws, I think that its good points go a long way towards making up for them.

3.5/5

CheddarTrek

06-25-2009, 12:21 AM

Heh, had to give this one a read just because it has such widely fluctuating reviews here. Though I will say flat out that the summary turns me off and I probably wouldn't have checked it out had it not ended up here.

Holy #$@& it's long. I was expecting 5-6 chapters. This is going to take longer than expected to read through, so I'll edit my post when I either finish it or give up, but for now I'd rate the first 2 chapters (which I read) at 2.5/5.

It's not really Harry Potter if there is no Harry Potter or anyone from Harry Potter. If nothing about Harry is going to crop up and make this interesting then the characters and storyline that are present instead need to be of exceptional quality to get me into it, and to be honest it's just not quite there.

If the main character was Harry and some weird as hell events had transpired to but him in her shoes and give him her personality and have him play out her story then I could deal with that because we all know that sooner or later Voldemort and/or Dumbledore is gonna show up, screw with things, and get us on track to a story with some meaningful action. Then again I'm not sure how much I'd like reading about Harry in America, so maybe not.

That said, well, that's not what the author was trying to do here. I think the author wanted to do what they did -- write a story set in the Harry Potter universe that has absolutely nothing to do with Harry Potter, his life, his story, or his friends. So I can't fault them too much for doing what they set out to do. Doesn't mean the story belongs here.

It is better than I expected though. My 2.5 could round either up or down depending how things go.

EDIT: Read half the story now. The main character is not likable or enjoyable to read. This is a serious downer for the story as a whole in my opinion, but I won't go into it any more than that since someone else already did a bang up job of that in this thread. I think it was Silens. The main character does improve later in the story though. She never becomes someone I liked reading about, but she at least managed to stop showcasing a few of the things I hated early on and became tolerable.

The writing in this story is good. The world crafted for American Wizardry is one of the best I have ever read. The dialogue is well written. Some of the characters and their personalities seem forced, but it's not that bad.

Review Summary: Story is surprisingly well written and crafted, but the main character is a complete chore to read, relate to, like, or get into, especially at first. Not to mention that this is a Harry Potter story without any Harry Potter. I did keep reading though, and to me that alone is worth an extra point since I expected to give up instead of deciding to finish the story. Of the very few HP stories I've read where all HP characters were ignored, this is the best.

The story is exactly what the author set out to write, and they wrote it pretty well, so I can't fault them. I'm going to round up to a 3/5 from my earlier rating. I also have to say that it's not the kind of story that DLP folks would seek out as a general rule though, so be aware of that. Putting it in "almost recommended fanfiction" would probably have been what I would have done.

famine224

06-25-2009, 08:00 AM

I...hrmmm...like Cheddar, I had to give the story a try.
Let me start off by saying that no matter how much one tries, they will never build up a tolerance to bad literature. Ever. I've used enough bottles of brain bleach to know that.
Now, that being said, this isn't bad per say, but it certainly isn't good, let alone great. And the main complaint? I enjoy when a story has either well thought out, in depth, and has logical explanations for magic, magical culture, and the basis of ethics and morality in the magical world (one reason for my love of Partially Kissed Hero), or lots of humor(what you get from Make a Wish). Alexandria Quick contained part of the first, but not much, and almost none of the second.
I'm in no way saying that these elements are the most important, but I enjoy being forced to think. Or laugh. Neither happened.
Sorry, but 2.5/5

Sesc

06-25-2009, 04:35 PM

I'm always ... wary of the 'this doesn't belong here'-remark, Cheddar. Put the story up For Review, leave a long comment alongside with it, so that everyone knows what they have to expect, and then let the ratings do the rest. If it makes it into Library or Bin, great; if not, then not.

From the first post it was obvious that this was a story with only OC's in it, so I see no reason why this story should not be here. There's always the off chance that someone might like it and is grateful, after all (for example, I'd never have read it if it hadn't been here); or that it turns out surprisingly good and makes the Library like that other OC story. It'd be a pity if a potentially good fic got ignored, just because 'it's just not typically DLP'.

Also, uh -- not that I usually care, but this I had to comment.

And the main complaint? I enjoy when a story has either well thought out, in depth, and has logical explanations for magic, magical culture, and the basis of ethics and morality in the magical world (one reason for my love of Partially Kissed Hero), or lots of humor(what you get from Make a Wish). Alexandria Quick contained part of the first, but not much.

Not much? o_O

It has just about the most original, in-depth world, magic and culture I've seen in ages, and well, it has to have that too, considering the author had to create a new school in a new country, doesn't it? It's full of details and ideas and little and big things. Whatever else you can criticize, you can't fault the work the author invested into making magical America come to live.

Added to that, ethics and morality play a huge role -- take for example the ongoing golem vs. House Elf debate, or the different ethics from the different factions (e.g. Old colonials, New colonials); or the underlying main theme of the story: the question of who is in the right, the Confederation or the Thorn Circle. And all of those conflicts merge in the character of Alex.

If that is your main complaint and not enough depth for you, I admire your standard and you probably should be reading Tolstoy and not FF. (And I won't go into the magic - logic debate again, since there are enough threads on that already >_>)

CheddarTrek

06-25-2009, 07:59 PM

I'm always ... wary of the 'this doesn't belong here'-remark, Cheddar. Put the story up For Review, leave a long comment alongside with it, so that everyone knows what they have to expect, and then let the ratings do the rest. If it makes it into Library or Bin, great; if not, then not.

Fair enough, and you're right. I didn't mean to say outright that it doesn't belong on this site, and I'll edit my post to better reflect my thoughts. What I meant was more that it's not the sort of thing I would really recommend here if only because of the audience and the general reaction to stories without Harry in them. Just like I haven't recommended "Shifts" by Fernwithy, which stars Remus Lupin, despite the fact that I somewhat enjoyed reading it. If I had decided to recommend this story (or Shifts) I'd have stuck it over in the almost recommended fanfiction thread, but that doesn't make it wrong for this to be here instead.

It also doesn't mean that some folks on DLP don't like it. Hell, I like it, rated it high enough for the bin, and am still reading it (up to chapter 23 now), which says a lot considering the amount of stories I normally give up on.

It really does get better and better. I was particularly happy to finally see some references to the Dark Lord (though they didn't use the name Voldemort), and to be given a time frame for when things are going on compared to Harry Potter canon.

EDIT: Just finished the story. It's actually quite engaging overall despite the things I and others have mentioned we weren't fond of. Worth giving a try if you can stomach the lack of canon characters.

Sesc

06-26-2009, 07:16 PM

Just finished the sequel, and while it had some lengths, stretches where not much happened, the last third or so blew me away. Another story, another revelation, and fuck ... I mean, building up a new character like that, and then, at the end ... I still can't believe it. And Abraham Thorn is a bastard.

While after the first book, you yet might have had the impression that the Confederation seemed undesirable and to be the true evil here, and the Thorn Circle in the right, the second book leaves you utterly disillusioned. In fact, I'm doubting that it would be better, would Thorn be successful in overthrowing the Confederation. Different, yes, but better? They aren't really better; perhaps their goals might have been honourable, once, but how long can you go on before the end no longer justifies the means?

It's like the antithesis of all black/white struggles. Neither side is innocent and able to claim the moral high ground -- only Alex could perhaps, so I'm kinda guessing that eventually, she will turn out as a third option. Then again, I could also see the series ending without a happy end and the realisation that after all the struggles, nothing truly has changed. The authors certainly seems to be ballsy enough for that kinda ending, considering how she finished off the second story.

Yeah, one last note; the stories seem very carefully crafted. Perhaps it's got to do with me reading it as real books, in one go, not waiting for updates; but I guess that is more the benefit of finishing the story before posting it. The author looks at the story as a whole, and can edit things in hindsight, which for example shows in that way that everything, every little detail, seems exactly where it should be.

Perhaps it might not be much Harry Potter, beyond some spells and other basic things to provide a frame. But if that is so, I'll be damned if this isn't the best original fiction series I've read in fucking ages.

Agnostics Puppet

06-27-2009, 04:44 PM

I have to agree with Sesc. I originally looked at this a bit warily. But once I got into the story proper, I was thoroughly entertained. Yes Alex is hot headed, stubborn and a bit childish, but for god's sake, SHES 11!

It also took me a bit to realize that this story takes place long after the end of Harry Potter book 7. But there you have it. I'd probably give this a 4/5 personally. -1 because, well... its NOT Harry Potter.

cold burn

06-27-2009, 09:05 PM

I almost didn't read this because of the bad reviews. Now i'm wondering if perhaps I read a different story than you guys.

In fact I would go so as to say that most of need to stop judging books by covers and try their text for a change. Is this OC centric? yes. Does this take place in the USA? yes. Is this still as completely full of win as Shezza's Denarian trilogy? Absolutely.

Now I understand where you guys are coming from when you say that the words USA, OC and non-harry centric make you cringe. I've read Harry Potter fanction too. But your looking at this wrong. This isn't Harry Potter and the other Choice, or what ever fic infected you so completely with post traumatic stress syndrome. It is instead what the Rouge and Wraith squadron books where to Star Wars, only applied instead to Harry Potter.

5/5

Sageun

06-29-2009, 08:46 AM

Unlike many people in this thread I actually enjoyed this fic. While the main character may have been annoying at times, it wasn't so bad that it ruined the story for me. Like others, I also think that the US Wizarding World was very well done and well fleshed out with a lot of backstory that I wish JKR had given us on her own HP world.

What this fic isn't is a Harry Potter fic. It has next to nothing to do with Harry Potter, the only thing being its magic system, which isn't terribly original anyway. If I remember correctly Voldemort was mentioned in passing a few times, other than that this is an original story.

So, while good, it isn't what it claims to be.

CheddarTrek

06-29-2009, 04:19 PM

Just finished reading the sequel. I think I'd still rate the first story at a 3/5, but the second one is a 4/5 if not better. Since I don't think the sequel is going to get a thread of it's own, well, I'll count them as one story and round that up to 4/5 just because, damn, I didn't realize how much fun I was having reading this stuff until there wasn't any more. Interesting how my rating just keeps going up the more I read -- from a 2.5 all the way to a 4.

I thought Max was a pretty awesome character. One of my favorites in fanfiction, period. Not sure why, but damn, his parts all rocked in my opinion. To the point that I sort of want to read the second story again, and that is very rare for me and fanfiction.

In fact, I can't think of another story (fanfiction or any type of fiction) with a character like Max who had a similar type of relationship to the protagonist (trying to avoid spoilers here). I thought it was brilliant. Tempted to give the story a 5/5 just for the writing of his parts.

And yeah, Sesc, Abraham Thorn is one hell of a bastard. I liked the last line. "Then I guess we don't have anything else to talk about." Or some variation on that.

royalduke

06-29-2009, 06:15 PM

06-29-2009, 06:46 PM

why doesn't he write his own damn book regarding magic.
I assume because he felt like writing Harry Potter fanfiction. Now STFU and GTFO unless you actually read the damn thing.

OT: Looks interesting from what I skimmed. Will probably give it a proper read tonight.

Agnostics Puppet

06-29-2009, 09:57 PM

Do it Oz. Join us. o_o

I finished the sequel myself and I found myself actually looking forward to the third book. Much like I did when the original Harry Potter series came out. My rating isnt changing though. 4/5 still because it still isnt Harry Potter. Though Voldemort IS mentioned by name in the second book.

Tinn Tam

06-30-2009, 03:34 AM

What is this,

I hate stories that have too much OCs. WHo cares if the author gave good details and stuff. Anyway, it's called Harry Potter Fan Fiction for a reason. If the author is so talented, why doesn't he write his own damn book regarding magic.

Because the system s/he wrote (given the main character is female, I tend to believe the author is a she; but feel free to correct me) is based (at least loosely) on the Harry Potter books. Therefore, it's Harry Potter fanfiction -- where Harry Potter is not the character but the title of the series.

Generally speaking, you don't question a fic's right to be recommended here. Even if it has Snape as a main character, Harry/Ginny as a main pairing or is full to the brim with OCs. If it sucks, it's trashed. If it doesn't, it's recycled or stored in the Library.

Read, review, rate.

Welcome to For Review.

And don't forget to use question marks when they're needed.

Sesc

06-30-2009, 04:14 PM

WHo cares if the author gave good details and stuff.
Tinn is in her happy-holiday-mood, so here's in case you missed her meaning: Fuck You.

I finished the sequel myself and I found myself actually looking forward to the third book. Much like I did when the original Harry Potter series came out.

Yeah, that. And that's actually pretty rare nowadays. Sadly though, her LJ says ETA is the end of the year. That's another six months :/

Korisovra

07-01-2009, 06:24 PM

Silens Cursor

07-01-2009, 06:34 PM

2/5 from me as well. Despite me dis-taste for non-Harry centric fiction, I tried it out. I got bored. I got bored quick. As someone said earlier, she used ass-loads of filler without JKR''s ability to make it tolerably interesting.

That was me, actually. And whether or not you find JKR's filler interesting comes down to how much you liked how long the last three books were (I'm still convinced the series peaked at Goblet of Fire, but that's personal opinion).

Given, OOTP and DH had a few redeeming moments, and I think HBP had maybe one or two, but at least any filler in those books were used (for better or for worse) to define the characters and show how they 'develope'. In this story, the filler does more to define the world around the story rather than the characters within the story. And you know what? That's fine, up to a point. But the author passes that point with startling alacrity and keeps going, up to the point where I can't even read the story without it feeling like a chore.

And given the slowdown in fanfic recently, I'm actually considering reading the sequel here. Asking those who have actually read it: is it worth it?

Agnostics Puppet

07-01-2009, 09:18 PM

And given the slowdown in fanfic recently, I'm actually considering reading the sequel here. Asking those who have actually read it: is it worth it?

I thought so. Given that you dont like the amount of setting description that the author goes into, you might not like the second book either. But the US is a big place. There's a hell of a lot more magical world here than there is in just England. I think the author does a good job with it though, and the second story kept me riveted. So I'd recommend it.

2/5 from me as well. Despite me dis-taste for non-Harry centric fiction, I tried it out. I got bored. I got bored quick. As someone said earlier, she used ass-loads of filler without JKR''s ability to make it tolerably interesting.

Terrible pun. I hate you.

CheddarTrek

07-02-2009, 05:03 AM

And given the slowdown in fanfic recently, I'm actually considering reading the sequel here. Asking those who have actually read it: is it worth it?

I thought the sequel was significantly better than the first. I'd rate the sequel at a 4/5 or even a 4.5/5, while the first story was a 3/5 for me at best. This is due in large part to the introduction of a new and interesting character who got a lot of screen time in place of Alexandra's friends. Also the "Oh noes Principal's office" drama was replaced with more interesting conflicts.

I'd say if you liked the first one enough to consider reading the second, even if it is out of boredom, that it would be worth giving it a shot.

wwtMask

07-02-2009, 03:25 PM

Yeah, I don't get the hate for this story I saw earlier in the thread. It's in the top 5 Harry Potter fan fics I've read. The main character didn't bother me like it bothered some of you; in fact, there are quite a few aspects of Alexandra that I like quite a bit.

Insane Juggler

07-02-2009, 05:55 PM

I wouldn't rate this as one of my favorites, but when the third comes out I'll make sure to read it. It's better than trawling through ffnet for good stories, at least.

I don't get how people were complaining about the story being in Alexandra's biased view, though. Occasionally, Alex thinks something is unfair towards her. But that's the point. She thinks it. It isn't stated as a fact, but as one of her own opinions. Harry has similar, if not worse times in canon.

Inverarity

07-03-2009, 04:13 PM

Agnostics Puppet

07-03-2009, 06:35 PM

Thank you for all of the comments. I'm pleased that some of you did like my story, despite the fact that it's very much not the sort of story that usually gets recommended on DLP. I appreciate the constructive criticism as well. (And even some of the not-so-constructive criticism -- I must admit, "a bunny rabbit made of shit, hopping about on an epic journey of self-discovery" made me laugh.) Incidentally, the author is not a she -- as I told Silens Cursor when we "had it out" on MNFF. (I thought it was a perfectly civil conversation, actually.)

Omigod! Youre here! Welcome. Hope you have tough skin.

Actually though, youre right. This isnt the kind of fic that usually gets recced here. But you have to admit that the fanfiction puddle is drying up now, so we take what we can get.

Kalas

07-03-2009, 10:58 PM

Actually though, you're right. This isnt the kind of fic that usually gets recced here. But you have to admit that the fanfiction puddle is drying up now, so we take what we can get.

No. We take good fics that meet our criteria of good plot/character development/originality/workd building/etc. No matter how much the fanfiction puddle dries up we don't lower our standards. Please don't insult the author by implying the only reason this fic is being recc'd is a lack of competition.

That said the story gets a solid 3 from me. As has been said before the Principal's Office drama was overdone and the Janitor was painfully obvious to anyone even slightly genre savvy. Doggarel (sp?) verse was an interesting concept as was remedial classes. As a series this gets at least a 4, the sequel was a huge improvement and great read.

EDIT: Brushing up on the little canon details would also be a good idea. For example Veritaserum only requires three drops on the tongue, not an entire potion or that magic is incapable of creating lasting 'real' food.

famine224

07-04-2009, 12:23 AM

Heh...My standards are fairly high, I guess...problem is, I'm much too busy to find any truly magnificent fiction. The only reason I ever go on FF is because my little brother is an editor in a small group.

Back on topic, I took the time to read the entire story (a few hours) and I will relinquish the the point to you, Sesc. It was, indeed, a fairly engaging read, and the interaction between different races and the government was interesting, but not completely intellectually satisfying.

And it definitely wasn't funny enough.

Agnostics Puppet

07-04-2009, 12:29 AM

No. We take good fics that meet our criteria of good plot/character development/originality/workd building/etc. No matter how much the fanfiction puddle dries up we don't lower our standards. Please don't insult the author by implying the only reason this fic is being recc'd is a lack of competition.

That said the story gets a solid 3 from me. As has been said before the Principal's Office drama was overdone and the Janitor was painfully obvious to anyone even slightly genre savvy. Doggarel (sp?) verse was an interesting concept as was remedial classes. As a series this gets at least a 4, the sequel was a huge improvement and great read.

I never implied any insult. I enjoyed both stories and I am eagerly looking forward to the third. It was simply the truth. Look at what the rest of the people who have commented said. America + OC cast = fail. This just isnt the kind of fic that is recommended here. But this one was, and I am gald for it.

TheDefiantOne

07-04-2009, 01:01 AM

Well, after reading all the reviews, both good and bad, I felt I should read it. And while it was nice to see someone not totally destroy the American Wizarding World, and the characters were alright, as was the writing, it.. it was interesting. It made me interested in what was going to happen, but not quite enough to make me want to read it all.

3/5

CheddarTrek

07-04-2009, 01:14 AM

Yeah, I just took Agnostic's comment to mean that if there was a sudden over-abundance of Independant!Harry, Kickass!Harry, and Dark!Harry fics that were incredibly well written and original, that Alexandra Quick probably wouldn't have been found and recommended here because most of our members would be busy sorting through those other stories. Since there aren't a lot of those stories coming out though, this gem of a story was found where otherwise it might have been overlooked.

Inverity, glad to see you pop in here to say hello. I keep thinking that I should really go and post a nice, long review for you somewhere but now that I know you have read this thread (and my comments) I think I don't need to be quite as rushed to do it. Though I still intend to. I do hope the third installment lives up to the second. Max was a brilliant character and I worry it might be hard to re-capture what you had going without him.

Thanks for writing.

Kalas

07-04-2009, 01:31 AM

Ah but Cheddar how else would we see Alexandra's slow descent into the Dark Arts and insanity trying to revive Max?

CheddarTrek

07-04-2009, 04:06 AM

Ah but Cheddar how else would we see Alexandra's slow descent into the Dark Arts and insanity trying to revive Max?

Hah, indeed. And if we do see that then that's pretty cool with me. I just hope that...
I actually hope that we see Max come back, even if I don't expect it to happen. I mean, I feel like a frackin' idiot saying that, since I sound like some of the damned Sirius fangirls I found to be extremely irritating back when OotP came out, but damn.

I think it'd be interesting to see Alex fall slowly into the Dark Arts because she stubbornly refuses to believe that she can't bring him back and keeps falling further while looking for things she can try. I have to admit I wouldn't mind her finding out about some obscure remedy for having died while in the Lands Below though.

Though it's also possible that she'll just learn to deal with the fact that he's dead, and he's not coming back. How much (or how little) delving into the Dark that involves I guess we'll find out.

Agnostics Puppet

07-04-2009, 09:56 AM

Thank you Cheddar for fixing what I meant to say. Sometimes, in transition from my brain to my mouth/fingers, the words I meant to say end up coming out as verbal garbage.:(

Insane Juggler

07-04-2009, 11:50 AM

And yet, we still don't know what Abraham Thorn's goals are.

I'm giving this a rating of 3.5 rounded up to 4, because for DLP, it might not be an average rec fic, but it a great fic nonetheless. Exceeded my expectations, at least.

Mordac

07-10-2009, 05:21 PM

Well, I'm a sucker for good OC fics, because let's face it, Harry Potter sucks, but even looking at it without that lens I don't know what the people saying this sucks are talking about. A few are just the usual jingoistic Brits and self-hating Americans, but a lot of people who should have no stake in this are still getting pissed off because it features the US. I mean, a lot of Magical!US fics suck, but a lot of Indy!Harry fics suck too, and the good ones still get posted here (and the bad ones too sometimes).

Anyway, I didn't find the lead character as annoying as some have; at least she's driven, unlike some other main characters I can think of. Sure, some of her decisions are bad, rash etc, but that's a staple of the genre, have the reader outsmart the character. The problem is that, like with everything else, Rowling doesn't know when to stop and overdoes it, but here it's applied the same as many other 'standard' fantasy works.

But I digress. This vision of the magical US doesn't always correspond with mine (I write a not so good fic about it that I'm planning to rewrite one of these days), but it's still original and interesting.

Five stars and two thumbs up!

http://pages.prodigy.net/mike_p_smith/_images/thumbsup.jpg http://pages.prodigy.net/mike_p_smith/_images/thumbsup.jpg

lucis

07-10-2009, 06:24 PM

The author found this thread and wrote a post (http://inverarity68.livejournal.com/) on her blog in response.

I have Google Alerts set to email me when one of my stories is mentioned, 'cause I'm egotistical that way and I like to know when I'm being recced, reviewed, or trashed. Of course I was expecting the latter when I saw that Alexandra Quick and the Thorn Circle had been mentioned on the Dark Lord Potter forums. As you might guess, a story about an 11-year-old girl going to an American wizarding school is not the sort of thing that usually goes over well with people who prefer to read stories about Harry tearing out Ginny's still-beating heart. On previous occasions when Alexandra Quick or Hogwarts Houses Divided have been mentioned over there, it wasn't pretty.

So I read the thread, expecting to see a lot of comments along the lines of "Icky! Girl cooties! It sux0rz!!!!" and "America + OC + no Harry Potter = FAIL!"

There were some responses like that, but I was pleased to see that after the initial wave of trashing, some folks actually read the story and liked it.

And there were some good critiques as well.

On the matter of this fic, I mostly like it, although I found it a little slow at points. I'm looking forward to seeing more.

If Inverarity is reading this: the reputation of DLP is mostly the loud majority. I think... What do I know, I'm new here.

bylfolx

07-11-2009, 12:11 AM

I...hesitate to read this. I read all the good reviews and am swayed to partake of its wealth of ideas. But...I hesitate.

To be honest I want to read about Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, etc. That's why I am reading Harry Potter fanfic and why I am a member of this forum.

To the author I give you my sincerest wishes that your series works out well and that you grow as a writer from it. As I said above I hesitate because I want to read about Harry Potter. Good luck, though, in your endeavor.

ray243

07-11-2009, 01:01 AM

Anyway, I didn't find the lead character as annoying as some have; at least she's driven, unlike some other main characters I can think of. Sure, some of her decisions are bad, rash etc, but that's a staple of the genre, have the reader outsmart the character.

Well for one, most people down here don't like to be outsmarted by the main characters.

Mordac

07-11-2009, 04:32 AM

Well for one, most people down here don't like to be outsmarted by the main characters.

That's great, because I didn't say anything about that.

And I don't think anyone with 18 posts has any business telling me what people here like or don't like.

enembee

07-11-2009, 05:09 AM

Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

Inverarity

07-11-2009, 01:06 PM

On the matter of this fic, I mostly like it, although I found it a little slow at points. I'm looking forward to seeing more.

Thanks. But I'm still not a her. ;)

To be honest I want to read about Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, etc. That's why I am reading Harry Potter fanfic and why I am a member of this forum.

That's totally cool. I knew when I started writing AQ that it would only appeal to a small niche. As I've said previously, I wouldn't expect most DLP members to like my stories, which is why I don't promote them here.

My Oedipus Complex: At a tender age I imagined putting my mother into a dog kennel and applying make-up to her. To my young mind this was me showing her my gratitude and how much I loved her. As to my father...I remember a quick shove and he was removed from the fantasy that my imagination had spawned. Please tell me that's sporking a very bad fan fic.

bylfolx

07-14-2009, 05:01 PM

Please tell me that's sporking a very bad fan fic.

Sometimes a person looks in the mirror and remembers very odd things growing-up. I am of the opinion the human brain forgets these things because the present conscious finds it disturbing. As human beings things that upset us are thrust aside, and in time forgotten.

Needless to say, no this is not the sporking of a fanfic but an honest memory of something I imagined when I was around three years old. I've rationalized the memory by thinking it is Freud's oedipus complex manifesting in me. I just happen to be one of the few able to remember it and not really care about admiting to it.

Also, the fact it fucks with people's minds is an added bonus, and the reason it's my signature.;)

lucis

07-14-2009, 08:40 PM

Thanks. But I'm still not a her. ;).

I didn't say you were?

mknote

07-14-2009, 08:45 PM

I came across this but only gave it a cursory read. I really didn't have a strong opinion on it, but given its reception here, I may go back and take a look at it. I'll withhold a rating until I can read it in depth.

Sooner90

12-15-2009, 12:03 AM

I gotta say that once I overcame my initial reluctance to read a non Harry-centric story, I truly loved this fic. I liked it for all the reasons that I liked JKR's stuff. The protagonist I thought was a great character. Her bull-headedness was very well crafted. Some of the secondary characters were a little bland, but I found the universe well fleshed and the villains engaging. Four stars +

12-15-2009, 01:18 PM

I realise I never actually gave this a review, so here goes...

Even though I only read the first few chapters (I think some RL shit came up and the story slipped my mind) I thought it was a great, refreshing read. The characterisation was done wonderfully--the children were children, acted like children, spoke like children and viewed the world with the wide-eyed wonder of children.

The writing itself was also very good. Both technically and creatively, and done in a very similar style to JKR. Which is why I think this works as a story; you could almost believe that Rowling herself wrote it.

I still have to read the rest, but I feel pretty safe giving this 5/5

Sesc

01-02-2010, 08:15 PM

Inverarity posted the first chapter of the third book, Alexandra Quick and the Deathly Regiment, on his LJ. Link (http://inverarity.livejournal.com/27795.html).

Now he only needs hurry up with the rest of the story >_>

Edit: I left a review there, Inverarity, but I might as well c/p it here.

Well, that was a nice surprise. And a different POV, too. Is that a one-time-only thing, or will you have more POV changes this time around?

Admittedly, I'm no fan of a constantly changing POV, especially if it's used not to tell two different plot lines, but to show two perspectives of the same. I usually try to use a different POV as a last resort, if I can't at all show something through the main character eyes -- it's better for identifying yourself with the main character, and you don't run into the risk of revealing something and ruining the suspense so easily.

That said, as a first chapter, this works rather nicely (and comparatively, I had no problems with the way Rowling wrote HBP either, where I think the first two chapters weren't Harry's POV); it's a good way to show instead of tell what has been happening in the wizarding world since we left Alex in AQATLB. You couldn't do that from Alex POV obviously, so it has all the legitimisation you need.

In fact, when you mentioned the ending of Book II,

"She was the daughter of a Dark wizard named Abraham Thorn, and a disastrous and fatal series of events had ended, in June, with the Thorn Circle launching a deadly attack against the Confederation's Wizardrail network. Since then, the entire Confederation had been in an uproar, fearing the rise of the Dark Convention."

I was kinda waiting to see what more has happened -- what else has Thorn done, or hasn't he done anything since (which then, of course, is followed up by the question, why hasn't he done more? *cue speculations about plotting and planning on his part*)? Him not doing anything else since then was implied, I think, but not 100% clear; and how much time has passed anyway, meaning, what exactly is "since then"? A few weeks, a month? Perhaps think about clarification there as well.

Back to what was happening though, so I was waiting for some more info, and in that regard, the scene with the arrest was quite satisfying, since it neatly pushed the main storyline ahead; we see (one) response of the Confederation, and get an idea of the state of things. Props for that.

As for the infodumpish-feel, I'd agree that it isn't too much, but only barely. During the opening, where you recap'ed what has happened, and Anna's relationship with Alex, I didn't feel my attention wander. It started to become much (note the missing "too") when you went into Anna growing up, IMO. Either one on its own is fine, both together is much, for one chapter.

If you think you need it in there and can't think of another easy way (and place) to present it, leave it -- it's not so much that you want to skip it. But if you can put Anna growing up somewhere else, that might make the chapter a little more straightforward.

Hope this helps, if not, oh well. I had fun reading the chapter, in any case.

CheddarTrek

01-03-2010, 07:54 AM

Nice, thanks for the heads up on the update. I shall go check that out at lunchtime.

On a somewhat random note, I saw this (http://www.amazon.com/Third-Circle-Arcane-Society-Book/dp/0399154841)book in Wal-Mart a few days ago and quite literally did a double take. For a few seconds I thought that Alexandra Quick and the Thorn Circle had been published.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51h2YjW8FvL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA240_SH20_OU01_.jpg

Didn't take me long to realize that they are two completely different things, but damn at the name similarity.

Agnostics Puppet

01-03-2010, 10:39 AM

I think I'll wait for a bit longer before I read it. I dont know what the update rate will be like and dont want to be disappointed by the first chapter.

Inverarity

01-03-2010, 01:33 PM

I think I'll wait for a bit longer before I read it. I dont know what the update rate will be like and dont want to be disappointed by the first chapter.

I won't be posting any more chapters until I finish the book; I posted the first chapter as a preview, since it's not likely to change substantially. Everything else is still subject to revision. I'm not giving an ETA as to when I'll finish, but once I do, of course, updates will be regular.

Thank you for the review, Sesc. To answer one question: no, it won't be a multiple-POV story. The first chapter was a little different, but the rest of the book will be AQ-centric.

cold burn

01-03-2010, 05:39 PM

Rehio

01-03-2010, 06:43 PM

Um... This got put into the recycle bin? I would have understood it if was say in other fandoms or something like that but recycle bin? Do we really give that much weight to the votes of people who couldn't even be bothered to take the time to remove their heads from their asses and read something for once?

I mean we have stories in the library that don't even deserve the two star ratings that they possess and a gem of a unique story ended up here? whatever. :rolleyes: apparently we at Dark Lord Potter can't even be bothered to be objective about our voting. You don't see people just running around voting one star because the story has a Harry/Lilly pairing- at least not without getting into trouble.

Just because they rated it low means they didn't read it? Don't be such a tool.

3/5.

cold burn

01-07-2010, 02:52 AM

Just because they rated it low means they didn't read it? Don't be such a tool.

3/5.
Well I'm just going from some of the things people have posted. I mean it's not so bad after the second page but you know those ratings had to hurt.

anyways I'm just saying that the writing and whatnot is remarkably high quality for fan-fiction and I'd have put in say... other fandoms first.

01-07-2010, 08:28 AM

Why other fandoms? It's not another fandom. ._.

wolf550e

01-29-2010, 07:16 PM

Can the people who liked it comment on the second story? Does the protagonist improve at all? I've finished the first story and I can't decide whether the major flaws outweigh the sense of wonder I get from this. It is pretty painful to read. Like meek!harry or, I imagine, gay!harry. Does the author intend to let the characters grow up? Is the protagonist going to win through sheer determination and luck, rather than learning to delay gratification and study magic?

Sesc

01-29-2010, 07:57 PM

... wut? Meek!Harry? o_O If anything, it compares to Improved!Harry, who doesn't let everyone walk all over him. That's the opposite of meek. I don't think anyone has ever described Alex as meek. How on earth did you come to that comparison? I think I misunderstood you :|

Also, I'd like to add that Alex is fine as she is. I can't help but suspect that what you would call "improve" I would call something else entirely >_>

But that aside, Inverarity has said that she will grow up, and she does, it's noticeable -- in a realistic way, so don't expect A) changes overnight (she's only one year older in the next story, after all) and B) nothing that completely goes against something that has until then been a defining trait of her. Still, due to what happens at the end of the second book, I could see a bigger step in growing up lying ahead.

Inverarity? Any confirmations on that idea?

Edit: Also, she learns more advance magic as well in the second book, if that is what you're after. I don't quite see your problem, as she's already quite impressive (for her age!) in the first book, especially at Defense (which for her is rather Offense, XD), but yes, there's more of that in the second story.

wolf550e

01-29-2010, 11:08 PM

I didn't say Alexandra is meek; I said that reading a well-written story about such an unlikeable* protagonist is as painful as reading a well-written story about meek!harry or about a Harry who fantasizes about Draco instead of Cho.

The improvement I wish for is learning to think before she leaps. I've been pig-headed myself at times IRL, and I know all too well how unproductive it is in the long run, despite it feeling like the right thing to do at the time. And all those times it is narrated that she thought she was much smarter and more capable than her peers - if she's all that, how about finding out how she would be tested and graded and manipulating it in a way to score an S in all her tests, instead of sulking about how life is unfair? And if she's not capable of that, then she has no reason to feel her grades are unfair. All that time in the library, practically wasted!

* unlikeable: she's cute, but she's also cringe-worthy.

Insane Juggler

01-30-2010, 07:54 AM

In my opinion, she does get better in the second book. I remember the start of the first chapter as the only point in the whole two stories where I didn't really like her character.

This is one of the few stories I'm really hoping for updates for, beside Renegade Cause and Wastelands of Time.

Inverarity

01-30-2010, 05:00 PM

Most everyone who's read both stories has told me that book two was much better than book one. (I agree -- book one was actually the first full-length story I ever wrote, so it has all the first-time writer's mistakes you'd expect.) And Alexandra does grow a little in book two, though she's still thirteen at the end of it, so she's by no means outgrown all of her negative traits.

The issue of Alexandra being unlikeable is one I've discussed at length, both on my LJ and with my betas.

She is, at times, bitchy, immature, stubborn, and arrogant. It's my hope, of course, that her good qualities (bravery, loyalty to her friends, a sense of compassion that may not always be evident but is nonetheless there, and a moral compass that, while sometimes a bit bent, always ends up pointing her in the right direction eventually) redeem her, but I can certainly see why some readers just don't like her. (I see it much more clearly now after having gotten some thorough and objective criticism from several people.)

The improvement I wish for is learning to think before she leaps. I've been pig-headed myself at times IRL, and I know all too well how unproductive it is in the long run, despite it feeling like the right thing to do at the time. And all those times it is narrated that she thought she was much smarter and more capable than her peers - if she's all that, how about finding out how she would be tested and graded and manipulating it in a way to score an S in all her tests, instead of sulking about how life is unfair? And if she's not capable of that, then she has no reason to feel her grades are unfair. All that time in the library, practically wasted!
In book three (in progress now; I'm about 85% done), she suffers a bit of regression, because she is not dealing well with what happened at the end of book two. So you may find her cringe-worthy again. There will be points where I expect readers will want to slap her, and that's deliberate.

She does grow up, of course, and a lot of what you're looking for (learning from her mistakes, thinking before she acts, and not assuming that she always knows better than everyone else and that she's too smart for her classes) is part of her character arc in book three. But she gets there only after doing a lot of stupid shit (and paying for it) along the way.

tl:dr: Book three is where Alexandra really grows up. She'll be a much better person at the end of it, but you may still find her unlikeable while she's getting there.

wolf550e

02-02-2010, 04:27 AM

I've finished reading the second story. It's better than the first, IMHO. I wish it had a separate DLP thread so it could get a higher rating. I'm glad you're nearing the end of the third book meaning I don't have to wait too long to read it. I was pretty sure what was going to happen at the end of the second book by its middle, but what Thorn did surprised me. Why would he do something which galvanized public support for the government he's fighting instead of doing something to undermine the government e.g. exposing corruption and secrets?

Seems to me Alexandra grows up earlier than Harry did. I like it.

Will we ever find out why Darla got mixed up in the first place? Because we know it's not just jealousy. With her not charged and still having her family's support, she might become an enemy.

Inverarity

02-08-2010, 11:19 PM

02-09-2010, 02:42 PM

Just out of curiosity, on average how long does it take you to get through a chapter?

Inverarity

02-09-2010, 07:08 PM

Just out of curiosity, on average how long does it take you to get through a chapter?

About a week per chapter. My statistical average over the past six months is about 900-1000 words per day.

Some days I crank out over 6,000 words, other days I don't write anything (or do nothing but rewrite stuff I've already written).

Sooner90

02-24-2010, 05:45 PM

Inverarity,
My hats off to you if AQ is your first novel-length fic. I think your style is pretty near flawless. I find myself both admiring your skill and hating your guts.

wolf550e

03-01-2010, 02:31 AM

As promised on the author's LJ, the first chapter of the third story (now finished) is posted in March.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5784632/1/Alexandra_Quick_and_the_Deathly_Regiment

CheddarTrek

03-02-2010, 08:52 AM

Rymrock

03-02-2010, 09:20 AM

Since it's completed is there a planned update rate Wolf?

It says semi-weekly update rate in the author's note.

Inverarity

03-02-2010, 06:33 PM

Ok, the new chapter focused on Anna -- Alexandra's Roommate -- which would normally irritate me a bit as she was never a character I had much interest in... but it didn't because this was a damn good chapter. It's interesting, has some action and some intrigue, and it provides a bit of info with what's going on with Alexandra.

The author's writing has vastly improved since their first story, and the first one was pretty good. Remains to be seen if the 3rd will be as good as the 2nd. I'll be following this one.

Since it's completed is there a planned update rate Wolf?

Thank you. FWIW, my betas both say that book three is at least as good as, if not better than, book two. :)

Updates will be twice a week (M/F). And the first chapter was a sort of prologue -- the rest of the book will be from Alexandra's POV, as usual.

Anya

03-05-2010, 02:44 AM

Great great great great. I really love this series and I can't wait to read more.

Alex has good traits and bad traits and they all come together for a well rounded character.

Looking forward to reading how she is dealing with what happened at the end of book two. From what I've read in the LJ and here I'm guessing not well. Makes for a good read.

Darlas situation is also something I'm looking forward to finding out.

Sesc

03-05-2010, 08:24 PM

Clawsome. I'm ridiculously excited. Second chapter is great; I have my Alex back 8D

Confederation needs a definitive smackdown. I realised this -- IIRC, it was very ambiguous at the beginning of the series, but right now, I'm very opposed to the confederation. Might have something to do with Alex learning more, thus getting a better picture and seeing things more clearly (and we with her); on the other hand, it might be a skewed picture, due to the POV and her position. My biggest argument against the latter is the actions they took in the opening chapter; we have a different POV there, and it still doesn't look very appealing.

Will be interesting to see if my feelings will remain that way.

Edit: Incidentally, since Alex brought it up, will we see the Kings again in this story?

Insane Juggler

03-06-2010, 08:11 AM

I'm gonna not read any more updates to this story until it's finished. I can't handle not reading the whole thing, because it seems written to be read as one piece.

Inverarity

03-06-2010, 01:55 PM

Edit: Incidentally, since Alex brought it up, will we see the Kings again in this story?

Yes.

I'm gonna not read any more updates to this story until it's finished. I can't handle not reading the whole thing, because it seems written to be read as one piece.

It was written as a novel. I'm uploading two chapters a week, so it will be June before all chapters are posted. Eventually, I'll make it available on my LJ as a PDF or epub download like my other books.

Mordac

05-11-2010, 02:02 PM

Inverarity, I have to admit I did not see this plot twist coming.

Keep this up!

CheddarTrek

05-12-2010, 01:07 AM

Yeah, I know a lot of people said they would wait til it was all posted to read it, but we're upwards of 20 chapters now and it's some good stuff. I'd suggest giving it a go if you liked the first two at all.

So far I wouldn't say this one is better than the 2nd, but it is quite good and probably ties. I'd rate it at least a 4/5 if not better.

And yeah, Mordac, did not see that coming. Lots of build up for that to have it go that way, etc. Epic. I can already guess why it happened though.

I'm learning to live with the times when I don't like Alex and want to smack her good and hard, since it's part of her character and she is honestly acting her age for most of it. Better than having her be a Mary Sue for sure.

Demons In The Night

05-13-2010, 04:06 PM

Why is this still in the recycling bin? This is easily DLP worthy.

Anyway, I'm loving the third story so far and I like your quick update rates. Write moar!

5/5

Mordac

05-28-2010, 06:18 AM

The latest chapter was probably the most epic thing ever to happen in this series.

I most second DitN: why is this still in the recycling bin?

Anya

05-28-2010, 06:35 AM

This needs to be moved into the library!

EDIT: It definitely was the best chapter in the story. I kinda wish that Alex had followed through and given Darla the token. Nasty girl.

Demons In The Night

05-28-2010, 12:54 PM

Goddammit.

I wish she would have just given Darla the token, but I guess that would have been too easy a resolution to Alexandra's quest. Not to mention, it is probably inconsistent with her character to sacrifice someone else's life for her brother's, even though she hates Darla and desperately wants Max back.

I can't wait to see where this will go now. I wonder what consequences will come from Alex's actions in the latest chapter; and I wonder if Grim, or someone else, will find out about her trip through the veil.

Anya

05-28-2010, 01:34 PM

I hope Grimm and co don't find out about it. Alex always gets caught, it's kind of annoying.

CheddarTrek

05-28-2010, 05:33 PM

I'm not 100% sure on how the Library and stuff works with stories that have several different "books" in them. I'd say that the first in this series might well be a 3/5 and deserving of the recycling bin, but the 2nd and 3rd stories are definately more in the 4-5/5 range for me. Should there be more than one thread?

EPIC chapter, frickin' awesome. I was half hoping that she'd let Darla take the damn thing too, but yeah, too easy. And she's not that far gone yet.

She does always get caught, and it is sort of annoying, but on the other hand Alexandra doesn't usually bother with careful planning for afterwards to avoid getting caught. In this particular case however, because of the nature of what happened, I'd say she has a much better than average chance of not getting caught.

She didn't break her way into the basement room by blasting through the door and she wasn't gone for very long. It's likely that Grimm doesn't know about the passage Journey used to get her there and she probably wasn't missed or Anna would have said something. Unless Darla tells then I'd say there's a good chance she got away with it, unless they had monitoring spells of some kind in the room itself to see if anyone tried to enter the Lands Below/Beyond.

One thing I like about Alex compared to Harry is that she is much better at operating solo than he was. She has her circle of friends, but no Rons or Hermiones to share her more dangerous adventures or do all the work for her. Darla, Larry, etc. are also more interesting rivals than I found Malfoy to be, though Malfoy did have more potential in some ways given his father's role in things. There's also less of a focus on classwork, though it makes enough of an appearance that we don't forget the location is a school.

My guess is that Alex will give the coin to someone before the end of the book (which is coming up soon) but it will be someone she won't be as concerned about killing because they are trying to kill her (or some other reason she is able to justify).

Edit: Better?

Anya

05-28-2010, 06:29 PM

Also, does anyone else think that when Alex tried to go back in time with the time turner, the second time in the school basements, that it might actually be Alex herself going back in time and stunning herself?

Just a random thought I had when I read it.

EDIT: CheddarTrek, I think maybe you should put spoiler tags up for your post.

Anya

05-28-2010, 06:45 PM

Title: Alexandra Quick and the Deathly Regiment
Author: Inverarity (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1374917/Inverarity)
Rating: T
Genre: General/Adventure
DLP Category: General
Status: All thirty-one chapters have already been written, and will be posted on a semi-weekly schedule.
Summary: Alexandra Quick begins eighth grade at Charmbridge Academy angry and in denial. When guilt and obsession lead her to a fateful choice, it is not only her own life that hangs in the balance, for she will uncover the secret of the Deathly Regiment!
Link: Fanfiction.net (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5784632/1/Alexandra_Quick_and_the_Deathly_Regiment)

I think this story deserved it's own thread and a chance to get into the library.

First Story (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=13590) already in library: The Recycle Bin.

Scott

05-28-2010, 07:26 PM

Will it be femflash? Why not recommend the other fics first also?

CheddarTrek

05-28-2010, 07:46 PM

@Scott -- the first fic has been recced and is in the recycling bin. However the quality improves greatly for the 2nd and 3rd stories.

This is the THIRD story. I think it'd be daft to read it without reading the first two as well, but that's just me.

Oh, and this one is a definate 5/5 because damn, rock on.

Ellisande

05-28-2010, 07:53 PM

Because it's (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=13590) in the recycling bin.

Probably should of mentioned that + a link Anya. :P

CheddarTrek

05-29-2010, 08:51 AM

I see we have people rating it -- any comments on what rating and why? Curious to see.

Should also be mentioned that while the story is 'complete' it's not all posted. The Author is posting a chapter every Monday and Friday without fail, and the author's note says there are 31 chapters all written. However only 26 have been posted so far. (In response to the 'complete' tag on the thread)

enembee

05-29-2010, 09:38 AM

... ruins everything that's good about Harry Potter.

^ This. A thousand times, this.

EDIT: I thought I'd give more justification to my hatred of this series.

I hate do-over fics. If there's one thing I really don't want to do, it is read any more Harry Potter. The Philosopher's Stone was written for children and as such, is boring. What's more, I've already read the story at least a thousand times in different guises. Slytherin!Harry, Non-BWL!Harry AbusedGay!Harry. The thing Harry Potter has, is an amazing universe, full of potential for some epic-storytelling.

"But enembee!" I hear you say, "That's exactly what's happened here! They've taken the Harry Potter mythos and used it to create a world full of original ideas."

The thing is, I don't want to read about an eleven year old Harry Potter and as such I certainly don't want to read about an eleven year old female Harry Potter with a ridiculously shitty attitude and an even more ridiculous name set in a series of adventures that I really can't empathise with.

I'm sorry for it, but as a reader I'm beyond the eleven year old wizard/witch goes to a magical school and there are some people that cause shit for them every year. I'd much rather read something that puts a unique and mature spin on a world that's hugely interesting.

Insane Juggler

05-29-2010, 09:50 AM

I love it. 5/5, been following since the start of the second or so. Its quality is so high because the author writes and edits it all before posting, I think.

Zombie

05-29-2010, 10:24 AM

enembee

05-29-2010, 11:07 AM

No. Essentially it's fem!Harry but with a completely different plot / setting / supporting cast.

Sesc

05-29-2010, 11:40 AM

5/5, hands down. The quality of the writing is that high, and Alex is an awesome character. If it was for sale, I'd buy it. It has the same flair and magic (figuratively) that the original books had, even though you should probably look at it as original writing.

Regarding AQDR in particular, I stopped reading halfway through, because I want to read the rest in one go. It's written as a novel, and when I'm nearing the climax, I want to read it as one >_>

CheddarTrek

05-29-2010, 11:41 AM

I'd disagree that it's just Fem!Harry, but that's me.

Are you guys rating the thread without reading the third story? Or just rating based off the first one (which is a separate thread)? Or not rating at all and just commenting?

Not that it matters.

I think Alexandra is a bit more of a protagonist than Harry. Rather than having stuff just randomly happen to her she tends to make things happen. Also her friends don't do most of it for her like Hermione did for Harry sometimes.

But eh, each to his own. I honestly hadn't expected to like it at all til I read it and got into the second book.

Mordac

05-29-2010, 12:38 PM

I have to agree with Cheddar. I don't really think Alex is Harry Potter in a dress. She is proactive and actually is moves the plot forward herself more often than not, unlike Harry, who, to quote Mike Smith, is "a protagonist who almost reads like a supporting character in his own story, powerless to influence the course of events, yet inexplicably serving as the lynchpin to the entire saga."

Anyway, I have to say I greatly enjoy this, but then again I've always been a sucker for good written OC fics.

Where I have to part ways with the majority of reviewers is that I don't think the American wizarding world Inverarity created holds up that well. My main complaint is that it fails as Americana, and introducing a few token hillbillies (who for some reason are from Arkansas instead of Appalachia), only enhances the incongruity rather than lessening it.

That said, this doesn't often surface as a complaint and didn't stop me from rating it a

5/5.

EDIT: I hope against all hope that this is not going to be femmeslash, but considering recent events, I'm beginning to prepare myself for the worst.

Anme

05-29-2010, 12:50 PM

I had never started reading this because the summary for the first part didn't really appeal to me. Yesterday I did and it's really worth it.

This is no doubt one of the better fanfictions that I have read.
5/5

Inverarity

05-29-2010, 01:34 PM

EDIT: I hope against all hope that this is not going to be femmeslash, but considering recent events, I'm beginning to prepare myself for the worst.

It's really amusing to me how shippy people are, even guys. I am flattered that people spend so much time speculating who Alexandra will eventually show interest in, but it's hardly the most important part of the series, or anything that I've focused on.

Mordac

05-29-2010, 01:40 PM

It's really amusing to me how shippy people are, even guys. I am flattered that people spend so much time speculating who Alexandra will eventually show interest in, but it's hardly the most important part of the series, or anything that I've focused on.
Actually, I'm one of DLP's top gen fanboys. That is precisely the reason this would bother me. Femslash would just read like a cheap gimmick, IMHO, and detract from overall enjoyment. Aside from that, I could really care less about her love life;in fact, keeping her unattached is great as far as I'm concerned.

Ellisande

05-29-2010, 06:39 PM

Well, I finally read this story.

It was good. The first half was a tad... questionable, but it kept me attached to reading it, frankly a feat I thought impossibly for a story of it's type these days.

The main character had excellent flaws, definitely not a Mary Sue. However, she's learning, and you can see how the consequences of her actions impact and shape her life. The whole father plot device may initially seem quite... bland, but it's pulled off extremely well.

The supporting cast is interesting, David kinda annoys me, the Ozaker twins are... different, but cool. The 'troublesome' theme is actually quite clever and well done.

Overall, for a story attempting to be like Harry Potter, but completely different everything, but the magic system, it's done a phenomenal job. I am looking forward to reading the sequels.

4.5/5 from me, I think this definitely deserves a spot in the library.

Anya

05-29-2010, 11:20 PM

Status: All thirty-one chapters have already been written, and will be posted on a semi-weekly schedule.

Should also be mentioned that while the story is 'complete' it's not all posted

I already mentioned that.

Also, from what I've picked up, this story is set after the Deathly Hallows and maybe even in the same universe as Inverarity's other story Hogwarts Houses Divided (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3979062/1/Hogwarts_Houses_Divided). I might be wrong about that though.

Maki

05-30-2010, 09:44 AM

Loved it... The books do get progressively better. I wish there was more >.<

Maki

05-30-2010, 10:08 AM

Um... This got put into the recycle bin? I would have understood it if was say in other fandoms or something like that but recycle bin? Do we really give that much weight to the votes of people who couldn't even be bothered to take the time to remove their heads from their asses and read something for once?

I mean we have stories in the library that don't even deserve the two star ratings that they possess and a gem of a unique story ended up here? whatever. :rolleyes: apparently we at Dark Lord Potter can't even be bothered to be objective about our voting. You don't see people just running around voting one star because the story has a Harry/Lilly pairing- at least not without getting into trouble.

This. The reason why this fic was put into the recycling bin was because of DLP members rating it at the beginning by the cover without even giving it a proper try. Now that people have read it, the general spiel is a lot different hmm?

On the series itself, the first book from me gets a 3.5 rounded up to 4 for rating purposes. The subsequent second and third books get a solid 5/5 from me.

Get this gem out of the bin.

enembee

05-30-2010, 11:34 AM

There's 65 votes and a 3.09 average. It's the system. Suck it up.

Ellisande

05-30-2010, 04:33 PM

There's 65 votes and a 3.09 average. It's the system. Suck it up.

This.

Individual member thoughts do not matter, it may suck that some people just come in here and rate it as 1/5, because its OC centric without even rating the fic, but thats life.

DLP is a collaborative library from all of our members, not just a few who decide.

If you find anything in the Library that you don't think is worth it, post in the thread, explain why you think it's worthless, and if you make your case, a mod will move it back to For Review, where it can be reevaluated.

Maki

05-30-2010, 07:58 PM

So, move this back into for review or what?

And i find it funny how you dont mention getting stuff out of the bin.

enembee

05-30-2010, 08:05 PM

Jesus, learn to read.

Ellisande

05-31-2010, 01:34 AM

It's 3/5, been talked about recently.

I was talking about threads years old, like how back in 2005/2006 standards may of been a bit lower.

Gizmore

05-31-2010, 05:47 AM

Can't stand it, I couldn't get over that rule 1 was broken.

Tinn Tam

05-31-2010, 07:26 AM

Does this have Harry in it at all? Or is it just Fem!Harry? Nevertheless, the title looks unappealing, the summary does as well; as did the first book, which is now in the recycling bin.

1/5.

Why the fuck would you rec this? Come on Anya, do a better job than that.

Can't stand it, I couldn't get over that rule 1 was broken.

Please tell me everyone did get the "Don't read, don't rate" memo. Preferably before I start eating my laptop in frustration.

Gizmore

05-31-2010, 04:21 PM

Read a few chaters, didn't like it. Will re-rate if it gets better, doubt it will though.

Ellisande

06-01-2010, 12:33 AM

Please tell me everyone did get the "Don't read, don't rate" memo. Preferably before I start eating my laptop in frustration.

This 100x. If there is one thing I hate, it's people that rate shit without reading it. If it's not your preference, don't read it, just leave it.

As for the fic itself? This is probably the best thing i've read since The Name of the Wind. It's kept me glued to the screen, something that hasn't happened to me in a good long while.

There's a lot to be said about this story, both positive and negative. I'll leave a final review when it's finished however. Overall, I just want to say that this fic is exquisitely crafted, and an incredible job. I usually hate OC-centric fics, especially when the usual cast don't show up at all, but this is one of those exceptions to the rule i'll never regret.

5/5 from me.

Inverarity, if you are still reading this thread, i'd be interested in knowing the if/when/what/how etc about the fourth book. I assume you've been writing it at the moment, while posting AQDR?

Gizmore

06-01-2010, 05:11 AM

... If it's not your preference, don't read it, just leave it...

That's stupid. Why do you think Average, Bad and Terrible are there for? If people only rate fics they like the whole rating thing is worthless.

You read a few chapters, rate it, continue reading if you want (and re-rate if you want) or quit, it does not matter. As long as you've read enough to form and opinion you can vote.

Inverarity

06-01-2010, 05:57 AM

Inverarity, if you are still reading this thread, i'd be interested in knowing the if/when/what/how etc about the fourth book. I assume you've been writing it at the moment, while posting AQDR?

I have started book four, but I'm writing some other (non-fanfic) things at the moment, too. So book four probably won't be finished until some time next year.

CheddarTrek

06-01-2010, 06:19 AM

That's stupid. Why do you think Average, Bad and Terrible are there for? If people only rate fics they like the whole rating thing is worthless.
That isn't what Ellisande said. They said to "leave it" if you haven't read it at all. The point being that if this doesn't sound like a story you'd like don't rate it based on that without actually reading some of it. This also applies to people who read the first book in the series but haven't tried this one yet and are rating based on that -- though hopefully no one has been doing so. I know you said that in your own post, but you made it sound like they meant something else.

Anyway, Inverarity, are you intending to write a full 7 books? Because that would be awesome.

Ellisande

06-01-2010, 05:33 PM

Next year?! :((((

THis is sadface. Just putting it out there.

Inverarity

06-01-2010, 05:41 PM

CheddarTrek: Seven books has always been the plan.

Ellisande: We shall see. I've managed one AQ book per year so far, usually while writing something else in between.

Ellisande

06-02-2010, 12:28 AM

Are you writing an original? You really should. I love how your characters noticibly develop over the course of the books.

Also, you could of so easily made this an original story as well, the magical system is really the only thing that is recognizable as HP, even then not as much as most fics are.

If/when you do release Original work, let us know, because I'll definitely buy it, and make the library at home buy it.

CheddarTrek

06-04-2010, 08:21 AM

Newest update is :D and manages to surprise me again. Here I was thinking that most of the major action had been done already.

Though I did find things felt slightly rushed in this one, but it's also possible that was intentional seeing as how everything was rushed.

So, what the hell is up with Darla anyway? I assume we're going to find out soon, but I haven't got the faintest clue where her drive is coming from. Also it felt like the sacrifice thing (or whatever it is) with Innocence was spur of the moment, but in hindsight it looks like Darla was getting close to her earlier for a reason, so that feels contradictory.

Does anyone else find themselves hoping that Alex uses a pensieve to show relevant people most of her memories of what the hell has been going on? Because otherwise no one is going to believe this stuff, and that might be frustrating.
Good stuff!

Ellisande

06-04-2010, 05:18 PM

See, Sophie! This is what I was talking about. :P

Apparently we have more main plot to go, and shit CAN happen in the last 4 chapters of the story. :D

Liked it, looking forward to monday now.

CheddarTrek

06-07-2010, 01:13 PM

I'm not sure what to think of the last chapter. Obviously it remains to be seen what actually happens in the rest of the story or if things really are as they seem.

Throwing the coin into the portal seemed weird. Now she can't use it to get Max back, and while I didn't have any expectations of that in the first 2/3 of the book, I've been expecting her to find a more useful way of using it (this didn't count, though I suppose it might later on) ever since she visited Death.

What the bloody hell is up with Darla? It's gone from being an interesting mystery that I didn't know the answer to to actually being irritating that I have no idea after all this time and all the things (losing the coin, Alex trading her life, maybe no one believing her about Innocence, etc.) that have happened as a result.

The Confederation sending child sacrifices every year is an interesting twist if they do that, though I agree with Alex that it seems unlikely Darla was chosen for that task. I do like how there is so much room for interpretation on who the bad guys are in this story. Is Thorn right? Or is the Confederation right? Or are they both wrong?

Anme

06-07-2010, 04:22 PM

What the bloody hell is up with Darla? It's gone from being an interesting mystery that I didn't know the answer to to actually being irritating that I have no idea after all this time and all the things (losing the coin, Alex trading her life, maybe no one believing her about Innocence, etc.) that have happened as a result.

I agree. I really hope that that will be cleared somewhat out in the next chapter. Her throwing away the coin is something I could live with. I'm not sure yet whether I want Maximillian to come back. Although I was a bit confused:

At the end, was the metal coin that Innocence held the same coin Alex threw away? If so, how did it end up there? If not, what did I miss?

Ellisande

06-07-2010, 04:43 PM

Agreed with Darla getting kinda annoying. I hope there is some big revelation too be honest. Her character seems to turn 180 degrees completely randomly at times.

7 year contract was interesting.

Inverarity

06-07-2010, 05:38 PM

I'm loathe to explain anything myself, since anything the author has to explain outside of the story is something the story failed to communicate. I think, however, that the next chapter will answer most of your questions.

CheddarTrek

06-07-2010, 06:19 PM

Yeah, Inverarity, I figure there's room left to go and a good chance that things will get answered, but I figured I'd comment on the mystery going from "fun" to "irritating" for now.

Still a kick ass story though.

One question, would you like for me to review on fanfiction.net as well as adding comments here on DLP? Some authors want to get as many reviews as they can to attract more readers, and some don't really care about the number so much as the fact that they get useful feedback (wherever it is). I can do both.

Inverarity

06-07-2010, 07:07 PM

I like reviews, I like feedback. Attracting new readers is nice. If you are inclined to leave reviews on ff.net, feel free. :) But don't feel obligated -- I've gotten past the point where I regularly check my stats.

Sooner90

06-07-2010, 10:25 PM

Excellent last few chapters. Alex is really pushing the envelope in this latest story.

My guess is that Darla has some kind of sentence hanging over her head and she is desperate to pass the debt to someone else.

CheddarTrek

06-08-2010, 02:17 AM

My guess is that Darla has some kind of sentence hanging over her head and she is desperate to pass the debt to someone else.

Oh, hey, that's a good guess. That would explain why she's so set on sacrificing someone else, if it's to take her place. In that case maybe she never did want to hurt anyone, she's just seeing that as being better than being hurt herself.

But hell, even then, after all this crap... why hasn't just told Alex that? I guess since she was trying to sacrifice Alex at first that it would be a bad idea, but at this point? And she doesn't have a sacrifice now that she's gone back in, so I dunno what she's thinking.

Anme

06-11-2010, 07:45 AM

The last update was great. And most of the questions were answered. I really liked it.

Anya

06-11-2010, 08:00 AM

How did Alex and Inocence get back to the school? Did I miss something?

Anme

06-11-2010, 08:07 AM

I guess you mean this?

"Quimley took Darla's hand. A moment later, they were yanked through space, and then they were standing in pitch darkness. Alexandra immediately lit her wand, and saw the cavern she had left, in the tunnels beneath Charmbridge. She recognized the clay floor beneath her."

This already happened in the previous chapter.

Anya

06-11-2010, 08:08 AM

Ah, I overlooked it.

I was thinking the the elf took them to the caverns under the school still in the Lands Below (where the underwater big cats are). I have to read more carefully.

CheddarTrek

06-11-2010, 01:15 PM

So, to clarify -- Is the reason that Darla was so close lipped because she literally could not tell Alexandra due to whatever enchantment? I wasn't clear about if they knew Darla had the information beforehand (even if they didn't know from where) or not and therefore put the charms on her.

Awesome update. I liked the Mr. Chu interaction. I hope Alex helps blow this story wide open eventually, since she can talk about it and they can't. I also hope she eventually tells someone, maybe Ms. Grimm (not the auror) about what all went on. Maybe when she graduates. I want someone to ooh and ahh and meeting Death, even if it's a long ways away.

I'm still a bit disappointed about what happened to the coin she got from Death.

Oh, wait a minute... I'm confused. Spoiler tags since it just came out today, but...

Alexandra threw the coin into the Lands Below. The Generous Ones said that it didn't matter which of them went through, but that a life had to be given. Alex threw the coin in and it closed. Payment received and accepted, right? So what the hell was Darla going back for? My first impression was that she had sacrificed herself to save her little sister, but Alex already took care of the sacrifice with her coin/Max. Am I missing something?

Inverarity

06-11-2010, 05:59 PM

Short answer:

The coin satisfied Death and closed the gate, but Death isn't the one demanding a sacrifice; the token didn't satisfy the requirement of the Deathly Regiment.

Ellisande

06-14-2010, 06:19 AM

And it's complete.

I gotta say, I'm definitely looking forward to book four. This was one of the best read's I've had in quite a while.

Mordac

06-14-2010, 07:12 AM

Ha, so I got my wish in the end.

I must say, that seven years thing is really sad, and I hope that is going to be resolved eventually, because, damn, what a downer.

Still, *sadfaces* that it's gonna take so long for the next installment.

5/5

Gizmore

06-14-2010, 07:40 AM

Too bad we'll have to wait so long.

CheddarTrek

06-14-2010, 11:46 AM

Great story. And honestly I sort of like that the author is completing each story before posting. Probably one of the reasons that the stories seem to flow so well. And if we keep to one a year... well, that probably averages out to a lot better than the majority of authors manage anyway.

I'm still left feeling disappointed at the conclusion to the "let's bring Max back" plot and what happened with the coin. But in the end the story was still epic and awesome. Can't wait for more.

Tinn Tam

06-28-2010, 12:27 PM

So, I merged the threads. While I did process people's wish to see at least one of the fics of the trilogy in the Library, series are all in one thread, and it was just silly to make an exception. I was curious to see where the rating would go though, so I left it up as a single thread for a while.

I expected the rating to go higher up after the merge, but what probably happened is that people who had rated both threads found their second rating cancelled. The two threads combined gathered around 120 votes, not just 87. So, that'll be taken into account when we move the thread.

I'm aware that people can get rather passionate about this fic, so allow me to add: bitch in PMs if you like, but keep it off the thread.

/off to get painkillers

Ellisande

06-28-2010, 05:44 PM

I'm pretty confident that most of the people who did like the second fic will come back to rerate the combined thread, thus putting both in the library. Seems like a win/win for those of us who loved it. :P

Anyway, rerated the series 5/5, as thats how good I found it.

A question however, is it actually possible to remove votes from a thread, and revote on it? And if so, would that be a possibility for thia one?

CheddarTrek

06-28-2010, 09:15 PM

Good question Ellisande. Might be nice to have people re-vote if possible, in case their higher rating (for the later series) was the one that got dropped but they haven't realized to come back and re-vote like you did.

Dunno if that's possible, and I guess we really shouldn't need to even if it'd be nice.

Also shouldn't be any reason for bitchin' Tinn. If people don't like it it then, well, oh well. Ideally everyone who voted actually read enough of the story to vote. It'd be irksome if people just voted based on what they read in the thread, but hopefully no one did that. *shrug*

I guess it is kind of a special taste in a story.

Gizmore

06-29-2010, 07:53 AM

You can change your vote any time, just click on the stars and change it. Don't think you can remove your vote though.

CheddarTrek

06-29-2010, 04:20 PM

You can change your vote any time, just click on the stars and change it. Don't think you can remove your vote though.

My impression was that Ellisande was asking if a mod/admin could remove all the votes from a thread so that the new combined thread could be re-voted on.

Ellisande

06-29-2010, 04:49 PM

Yeap, Cheddar has the right of it.

I also believe that after a certain time, you can put a new vote into the thread, instead of just changing it. I've noticed this by the mouseover, after revoting on a thread that i'd already voted on previously. It adds another vote, and changes the rating, so yeah.

Zennith

07-02-2010, 06:07 PM

Perspicacity

07-02-2010, 06:25 PM

I'm sorry, I read through this whole thread a while back, and I'm only even looking at this series because of the very high ratings. I just want to confirm something here. There is no Harry Potter in this story, correct?

Correct. The only canon entity in the story so far is Voldemort, who is mentioned in a historical context. The story is set in the United States after his fall.

This really is an excellent series by a writer who, by book 3, has developed professional-grade chops. If you're looking for something different, it's worth checking out. (The second and third stories are better than the first in the series). It's not traditional DLP fare, granted, but good storytelling nonetheless.

Zennith

07-02-2010, 06:48 PM

thanks. I'm definitely gonna give it a read, just wanted to make sure I know what I'm getting myself in to.

EDIT: I'm now around 10 chapters in and I'm finding myself ensnared somewhat despite myself. It's very well written, and has been mentioned, the world itself seems quite phenomenal so far. I just WISH so badly that there was interaction with Harry, with the world we know. I mean, why not? Everything is so well done, there's no reason it couldn't work.

But ah well, its still a very good read so far. Now back to the story.

Demons In The Night

07-05-2010, 05:25 PM

Keep reading. It gets a lot better later on. That is not to say the first book sucks by any means, but I agree with the above sentiments that the second and third books are better than the first.

Zennith

07-05-2010, 05:35 PM

Keep reading. It gets a lot better later on. That is not to say the first book sucks by any means, but I agree with the above sentiments that the second and third books are better than the first.

Oh don't worry, I'm now about halfway through the third, and basically as I posted in a review on the second one, I'm thoroughly hooked.

So I found this story on DLP, where it certainly isn't the traditional fare. And I admit, I was very hesitant to read this series, as I've always been very focused on Harry as the predominant character in this world. But you've made me a convert. The depth of the world that has been created and the ease and fluidity of the writing really allows for a connection to be forged between the reader and the characters. In many ways, this is what I wish the original Harry Potter series had been. And within the span of one book I became attached to a character (Max) who's death had a much greater impact even that that of Sirius' death in canon. Really, the point I'm after is this: please finish this series. I've still got the third installment to read (I actually only started reading this series yesterday - I haven't been on a binge like this in ages), but this is arguably one of the best pieces of fanfiction I've ever read, and I really really hope you see it through to the finish. Seriously, I'm pretty much sitting here stunned. Great work.

Yeah, probably the most glowing review I've ever written...

kmfrank

08-13-2010, 12:00 PM

I'll bump this, as I just found it and was impressed with the series. Spent basically the past two days reading all three stories, and enjoyed them. I think that the second book was probably the best, though book three is great too. Book one was an excellent start to the series, and gave some great background on Wizarding America how it might work in the Potterverse. The whole bit with the Lands Below stretched its canonicity, but it works out alright.

Definitely not the worst way to spend an afternoon - and it tends to suck you in, so plan for that.

I agree with some of the criticisms of the main character; she was rather unlikeable, in some cases almost overly so. Some of the other characters are better - particularly the ones introduced in the later books, where I believe the author has a bit more experience at making characters more interesting. As noted above, Max was such a great character that his death was as impactful to me as Dumbledore's was in canon to a 13-year old fangirl.

I also liked Julia, though at times I wasn't sure if I was reading into her depth or if she was just a caricature...Abraham Thorn is a very interesting character - I don't know quite what to make of him.

I enjoyed the Ozarkers, especially Innocence, who breaks the mold of what we know about them.

I'm glad Darla's dead, I wish she would've been written off a long time ago; bitch annoyed me.

To the author: Looking forward to more of both this series and the writings outside of this series that you might do.

Insane Juggler

08-13-2010, 03:24 PM

Damnit. A bump to a story I had *just* gotten to forgetting about. Damnit, now I have to try to forget it again for the rest of the time it'll take for the next one to come out.

I didn't feel too much of a connection for Max until nearly just before the end of book 2. The most stand-out scene I remember with him is when he spills his big secret to Alexandra, and even that felt more like a dream sequence.

Perspicacity

08-13-2010, 07:39 PM

Damnit. A bump to a story I had *just* gotten to forgetting about. Damnit, now I have to try to forget it again for the rest of the time it'll take for the next one to come out.

You could always reread the stories. It wouldn't be a bad a way to spend time--this series really is one of the gems of the fandom.

wolf550e

08-13-2010, 08:15 PM

SPOILERS

Please use spoiler tags, especially for things about the third book.

Ellisande

08-13-2010, 08:22 PM

Zennith

08-14-2010, 01:34 AM

The book has been out for ages, if you don't want spoilers about it, you shouldn't be reading the damn book.

Otherwise, pretty much what Insane Juggler said. Had just about forgotten this series, wish the 4th book was out already, and the series really doesn't deserve to be in the recycling bin. :/

Uh, yeah. Wtf. This should be at the top of the list anywhere, and definitely not in the recycling bin. I don't care if it breaks the first Potter Law, it's among the best fics I've ever read.

Ellisande

08-14-2010, 08:11 AM

The second and third story made it into the library, but then the threads were combined because it's all one series.

Then it was put into for review again, but the previous reviews were removed, and barely anyone voted on it, which really seems kinda shitty imo.

But I think I kinda exhausted my bitching on this before this post, so I'll stop now.

7ate9

08-14-2010, 08:31 AM

Ellisande

08-14-2010, 05:00 PM

Oh she did? If so, my bad.

I still think a revote would of been better, but meh.

Just wish this story got the recognition it deserves, really.

Zennith

08-14-2010, 05:07 PM

Definitely in favor of a revote as well. I'm willing to bet a lot of the votes we knee jerk reactions to the fact that Harry isn't in the fic, before people actually read the stories.

enembee

08-14-2010, 05:38 PM

The book has been out for ages, if you don't want spoilers about it, you shouldn't be reading the damn book.

Otherwise, pretty much what Insane Juggler said. Had just about forgotten this series, wish the 4th book was out already, and the series really doesn't deserve to be in the recycling bin. :/

Clearly the votes say its right where it ought to be.

Zennith

08-14-2010, 06:48 PM

Clearly the votes say its right where it ought to be.

Have you actually read the series?

enembee

08-15-2010, 08:27 AM

I hate do-over fics. If there's one thing I really don't want to do, it is read any more Harry Potter. The Philosopher's Stone was written for children and as such, is boring. What's more, I've already read the story at least a thousand times in different guises. Slytherin!Harry, Non-BWL!Harry AbusedGay!Harry. The thing Harry Potter has, is an amazing universe, full of potential for some epic-storytelling.

"But enembee!" I hear you say, "That's exactly what's happened here! They've taken the Harry Potter mythos and used it to create a world full of original ideas."

The thing is, I don't want to read about an eleven year old Harry Potter and as such I certainly don't want to read about an eleven year old female Harry Potter with a ridiculously shitty attitude and an even more ridiculous name set in a series of adventures that I really can't empathise with.

I'm sorry for it, but as a reader I'm beyond the eleven year old wizard/witch goes to a magical school and there are some people that cause shit for them every year. I'd much rather read something that puts a unique and mature spin on a world that's hugely interesting.

Me earlier in the thread.

INB4: "But voting against something that isn't to your tastes doesn't reflect the quality of the story."

In response to which I'd merely say that there is an awful lot of amazing stuff that didn't make it into the library due to DLP's tastes and an awful lot of shit stuff that has. This is the system. End of conversation.

For the record I've got a 4-star in The Recycling Bin. I'm not whinging. Stop trying to subvert a fair review.

Tinn Tam

08-15-2010, 08:34 AM

Hello.

This debate ends here.

Now review and rate.

TheGardenofPotter

08-21-2010, 08:25 PM

I read the series in one go, so some of the details are kind of amorphous in my head, and I don't remember everything that well.
That said, this story is awesome.
World-Building

This is one of the few(maybe only) fics I've read that manages to introduce a completely AU, with one mention of British HP, all very successfully. The mythology, especially in the second and third part of the series, is original. The feel of the world, in terms of mechanics of magic, is still HP, but has a new flavor to it. The new magical creatures introduced are compelling, amusing, and even occasionally scary(underwater panthers, anyone?), and many bear a resemblance to Native American legends(I only recognize some, but I know little of N.A. mythology, so ...), which definitely adds to the immersion and uniqueness factor.

In contrast to many other fics, there are little or no info. dumps, and the information is introduced in snippets of conversations, fragments of books;generally in a smooth and fascinating manner.

The government structure and school structure is very different compared to HP, and the way that the world is set up works really well.

For example the government is both asshole-ish, and heavy-handed, which is a different take on a Wizarding America. Most fics have ineffective governments, so a very dictatorial one is nice to read. The school is also very unique, with no houses and a very different feel to it than Hogwarts.

Additionally, the fic has a general dystopian feel to it. Its got definite dark overtones to it, and some of the villains(the sister of the Dean) are like Umbridge; you can't help but hate them.

Characters

The father of the main character, Abraham Thorn, is a an interesting character. There's some ambivalence about him, unlike with Voldemort, and his aims are very easy to sympathize with.

I've got mixed feelings for the main character. Alex is both likable and bratty, annoying and very endearing. In the beginning she seems a bit too childish, even for an 11-year old, but over the course of the first book, and throughout the other books, she develops into a much better(likable) character. Also, the way Inverarity kills a major character really puhes Alex in an interesting direction and I think that Alex will be even more mature and rational in the fourth part as a result.

Her thirst for knowledge, as opposed to canon Harry's ambivalence to learning, is a fun and refreshing character trait. She learns spells and defense techniques at a reasonable pace, and there's no sign of her becoming a super!character, so I'm happy about that. Also, her willingness to skirt rules and manipulate characters, while still retaining a sense of decency and morals is very realistic and interesting(I'm using this word a lot, aren't I?). The compassion and ruthlessness that she can display is also :awesome.

The side characters, like her friends, the teachers, her rivals, and her family, are interesting. The only character I don't like in the least is the Dean, as she seems unnecessarily cruel and petty, not at all fit to be an educator.

All in all, 5/5.

TLDr:- Read it for an awesome world, an interesting main character that grows on you and matures, ambivalent and realistic antagonists, and a really compelling plot. I can't wait for the next installment, and this is probably one of my favorite pieces of fanfiction. In my humble and inexpert opinion, this is original enough to be considered more of a shout-out to JKR than an outright fanfiction.

My longest post ever. :)