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Abandoned Harry Potter and the Ascension of Ra by Apocalypse Thou - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by docfrodo, Jul 9, 2009.

  1. docfrodo

    docfrodo Muggle

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Title: Harry Potter and the Ascension of Ra
    Author: Apocalypse Thou
    Rating: M
    Genre: General/Romance
    DLP Category: The Alternates
    Pairing: HP/LL
    Chapters: 34
    Words: 286,117
    Updated: February 19, 2011
    Published: January 30, 2009
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Voldemort has been vanquished from power and Harry from Britain. Aiming to start a new life in muggle America Harry moves to what he thinks is a small quiet town to start over. His destiny has just begun. Smallville Xover. HP/LL. Begins Season 4.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4828132/1/Harry_Potter_and_the_Ascension_of_Ra


    I was hesitant to read this at first but i really got into it. It goes into nice detail, nice sentence structure , and overall well-rounded 4.5/5. Maybe a few cliches but are necessary for the story plot. Author also updates fairly often every two weeks or sooner. Harry also gets a very different kind of power. One of the major pluses with me was that when the crossover happened it was realistic and believable.


    Checked by Minion, January 9, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2013
  2. Matian

    Matian Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    I read this story some time ago and I can't say it's more than a guilty pleasure.

    The characters are written alright, in fact I think most them are pretty good, but Harry's emo moments suck something fierce or maybe that's just me?

    Throughout the story Harry whines about his past where everyone was murdered. How come no one questions the amount of murders that has taken place in a school in Scotland?

    I also wish the author would make up his mind if the pairing is Harry/Lana or Harry/Lois or if the author could write the pairing more specifically instead of HP/LL. Between HP and Smallville there are 3 girls who have those initials: Lois Lane, Lana Lang and Luna Lovegood. I think the author initially meant Harry/Lana though...

    Other than that, the story is actually decent and the later chapters are very good. I would give this story 4/5 if the author did something about Harry's lame explanation for all the murders, but as it is: 3/5
     
  3. merchantofam

    merchantofam Fifth Year DLP Supporter

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    From what I remember the author creates a new character in the Smallville universe with the name of Harry Evans, who happens to be Harry Potter, uber-rich, has control over lightning and an emotionally traumatized person. There are no magical duels, or any mention of magic in the story. It simply feels like an oc was added to Smallville.

    The central characters of Harry Potter are killed off in the 'final-battle' and Harry moves to U.S. to start over, going to high school in Smallville even though he has 'acquired the necessary knowledge to finish both high school and an M.B.A.

    There are too many unanswered questions left by the author, like how did Harry Potter attain the power to control lightning? If we go by the Smallville universe then there had to be a meteor shower in England or some other astrological event. Or Harry to be born with the control yet the author shoots down both these hypothesis by stating that Harry had recently attained the power, when he is 16 or 17, and makes no mention of any bizarre astrological events.

    The only plus I can think off is the writing its better than most of the writing found on fanfiction, the author at least knows how to write a sentence without calling into question their level of intelligence. And the author updates often at least one every two weeks.

    It's an alright fanfic there is nothing eye opening about it, no real attempts at combining the Potterverse and Smallville universe.

    That being said, on a rainy if you are looking for something to occupy to your time with I would try this story. 3/5
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2009
  4. J22

    J22 Seventh Year

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    I like it. Been following this for a little while now and as long as you don't take it too seriously it's a pretty enjoyable read.
    There's a lot of stupid shit like the lightning thing, which serves no real purpose, and it is a super!Harry, who is so rich that when he took his money out of Gringotts he crippled the British economy, but it's easily ignored.
    As long as you can get past the first couple of chapters it's a good way to pass some time.
     
  5. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I'm pretty damn fond of this story. Yeah, Harry is a tad OP and the lightning thing is a tad silly, but I'm having so much fun reading it I don't care.

    Personally, I love the characterization in this story. Yes, there are a few angsty moments, but I really like how the author dealt with them and is moving on. Plus, Lois. I'm angling for a Lois/Harry ship in this, simply because she's a blast to read in this story.

    My biggest complaint, is the near abandonment of the HP-verse in this story. Although, with the inclusion of Katie Bell's cousin as Harry's PA, I'm hoping that the British Wizarding folk start to play a more prominent role in future chapters.

    4/5

    ('tis fun to read)
     
  6. CosmosGravitation

    CosmosGravitation Professor

    Joined:
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    It's not perfect. The writing is coherent and clear but with a fair number of grammar/spelling. Still, high quality of writing for fan fiction.

    The start was weak. Voldemort going out like he did was lame, I would have liked to have seen him put up an actual fight. And the whole thing with Scrimgoeur felt silly and childish. But the story gets much better after Harry's initial introduction into Smallville.

    I too don't understand the reasoning behind giving Harry the lightning power. It seems especially pointless since most of the effects (lightning bolt, teleportation, short-circuiting electrical items) should be reproducible with magic and Harry has the wandless magic thing going on. My only guess is it has something to do with the title and plot, so I'll wait and see before I pass judgement. Although Ra wasn't a sky god was he?

    Characterization is consistent, although Harry is OOC from canon. You can chalk some of that up to having a different past I suppose. As in the TV series, Lois is the most compelling character in Smallville, but Clark is done pretty well too.

    On the plot, there are some minor plot holes here and there, but nothing major. The biggest eye brow raising moment for me was Harry not doing better against the three witches. For those complaining about the stories plot following the Smallville plot, the author has stated it will break away significantly after high school.

    With all that said, I enjoyed it and look forward to updates.

    4/5
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2009
  7. Matian

    Matian Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    No, Ra was a Sun god (among others) and the most important of the Egyptian gods, if you can put it like that. I think the whole Ascension of Ra thing is a metaphor for how Harry is going to take over the world, with his company or his powers I don't know.
     
  8. Poytin

    Poytin The Arby's Hipster DLP Supporter

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    Guilty pleasure fic. Last read it a month ago. 3/5.
     
  9. Marzik

    Marzik Squib

    Joined:
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    Guilty pleasure fic for me too. It's one for the almost recommended thread rather than the library though.

    It's a good read for what it is--a Smallville redo with a cliche ridden SuperHarry(Evans) randomly inserted for no real explanation or reason. Just don't take it too seriously.

    3/5 Overall
     
  10. BioPlague

    BioPlague The Senate DLP Supporter

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    Read the first and second chapter. I'm really wondering how anyone could fathom giving this story a 4/5 or 5/5 after reading the first chapter, let alone the second.

    Explain to me how defeating Voldemort and every Death Eater and several woodland creatures within a few seconds is plausible or entertaining when so randomly placed in front of you within the first five hundred words. Then answer how it's suddenly a fresh concept to have Harry be a thousand times smarter than everyone, outwitting the Ministry and taking his ridiculous amount of money out of Gringotts and bankrupting the country.

    I'm not trying to take it too serious - other than the fact that in order to be admitted into the library it needs to be intentionally funny and not a pretty lame story.

    2/5.
     
  11. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Oddly, I came across this two days ago. I was reading it 'til 6AM. It's not massively good writing, and the beginning isn't great, and Harry's power is overpowered in relation to the rest of magic (shield spell should be enough to stop lightning easily, IMO. Or you could just conjure a lighting conductor) but once he arrived in Smallville I loved this fic.

    Here's the review I left him:

    However, despite my love for it I don't think it should get into the library because of the things I mentioned at the start of this post. It's a very enjoyable fic, for me, but it's not a good fic. It lacks the polish of the more "professional" fanfic writers.

    Because of this "enjoyable but not good" status, I think the perfect place for it is the Recycling Bin, so I'm giving it 3/5.


    Oh God, nothing could turn me off the fic quicker than that. Once a character has crossed over, he should not cross back, with the possible exception of the end of the story, returning home. Otherwise you end up with the failure that was the Black Wizard: "off to Middle Earth for lunch, back to Hogwarts in time for tea".
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2009
  12. Kerrus

    Kerrus DA Member

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    I have to give it a 3/5. It doesn't flow as well as usual library par, Harry is a significant mary sue (Six BILLION galleons? REALLY?) and there's no political interplay at all, which ruins the whole point of having a megacorporation. As far as I can tell, it's just there so Harry can do whatever he wants.

    It's fun to an extent, but the entire story seems to be a 'wouldn't everything in smallville EVER be so much better if Harry was there to fix it' story, and that just rubs me the wrong way.

    -1 for suedom, -1 for lack of any discernable plot- this isn't a fanfic, this is a 'let's insert harry into the edge of what canocally happens, but otherwise not have any significant changes'. The author appears to just be copying down each smallville ep's sypnosis as it happens and inserting Harry where necessary.

    Nevertheless, it was somewhat amusing to read, if annoying that all of Harry's magical encounters and the whole magic related segment was just too short. We never got to see anything, it was always 'oh, harry's here, and he's solved the problem, let's go home'.

    It doesn't deserve to be thrown out as trash, but I think we could find a home for it in the recycling bin.
     
  13. Philly Homer

    Philly Homer What you call elephant cum I call mouthwash

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    I agree with most of the sentiments echoed in this thread. Voldemort and the Death Eaters were offed far too easily. At first, I was annoyed with Harry being rich enough to bankrupt England, but I forgave it for what he planned to do with the money. It was a unique approach his introduction in the Smallvile verse.

    The Countess was over powered to the point of being silly. This is the same Harry, who finished Voldemort within minutes, I think he could do better against the aforementioned Countess especially after he has been raised to God like levels in power.

    Oh and the biggest complaint, I have is the staggering amount of times the author uses the word whilst. It's used in almost every paragraph. It's as if the author doesn't know words such as while or even as don't exist.

    Having said all that, the fic does have some redeeming points.

    The characterization is handled very well for most of the characters. However, the moments where Harry takes a turn towards the emo are difficult to get through. I would also like to add my name to those wishing for a Harry/Lois pairing. Their relationship is much more fun to read about than the proposed Harry/Lana.

    The writer makes a couple of mistakes, but the writing is decent.

    The story is fun to read, and it's a guilty pleasure.

    I will give it a 3.4/5, since I don't think it belongs in the library.
     
  14. wolve

    wolve First Year

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    Jul 11, 2009
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    Good writing, it's easy to read. Even if I don't usually enjoy crossovers this works surprisingly well.

    And then everything went to hell and the story turned to an angsty soap opera.

    1/5
     
  15. Xantam

    Xantam Denarii Host

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    Does anyone else feel that the angel wings will be part of Harry's vigilante costume in the future?

    Anyway, there's not much to say that hasn't been said. 3/5
     
  16. Trooper

    Trooper Death Eater

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    I read this one till about chapter 9 and got bored. It was for this reason that I suggested the fic in the almost-recommended thread. I still think it belongs either in that thread or the recycling bin. I might even finish reading the whole thing one of these days.

    Average fic with a few redeeming features to it. 3/5
     
  17. Catch42

    Catch42 Squib

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    I have to say that I like this fic, but I suspect that a big part of that is the fact that I've always enjoyed a decent episode of Smallville. However, I also agree with much of the problems that people have pointed out in previous reviews (Money, lightning, etc.). Right now I would say that it is only a 3.5/5, but it isn't quite ready for the library. This could easily be changed, as much of the problems of the story can be eventually turned into pluses, or at least neutrals. For example, while Harry having more money than God is definitely a Mary Sue trait, making Harry rich could allow for interesting interactions within the story, as it seems like every other character in the DC universe is also richer than God. In fact, I believe that in the last update Harry's philanthropic efforts eventually led to him getting a clue about Clark's origin.
     
  18. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    I like this one. It's an enjoyable read. The flaws have all been pointed out. Harry's super-duper powered. But in fairness, this is Smallville and we're dealing with a developing Superman. The author seems to be ensuring Clark's not going to overshadow Harry by giving Harry uber skills. Yes, I think he could've managed this by keeping Harry merely experienced and wiser than Clark as a mentor in the use of skills and powers but whatever.

    And yes, so far we're basically following Smallville canon step by step. This means my opinion of characters is following Smallville's progression. Basically, Lana Lang is a complete and total useless twat. And Lois Lane is fucking awesome. The fic started out as a Harry/Lana pairing but now the author seems to be leaning towards Harry/Lois. Still not sure how I feel about that. Lois and anyone other than Clark just perturbs me. But my hatred of Lana Lang may be stronger than my objections to Lois/anyone-but-Clark.

    Another fault is that so much of the story is being telegraphed. There are very few dangers not easily overcome and more than likely you can probably guess what has happened and what will happen if you've seen Smallville. Nevertheless, it's something kinda different to read. And I have been looking forward to updates.

    It's fun to read but until the author impresses me with something exciting/surprising/interesting I think 3/5 is all this one's worth.
     
  19. Lion

    Lion Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Its smallville with an oc from the Harry Potter universe that is really emo. It never explains how Harry got his new powers. The only thing i liked was that it followed Smallville cannon. 3/5
     
  20. DarthBill

    DarthBill The Chosen One

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    Just wanted to point out that this isn't Harry/Luna. The HP/LL pairing is probably either Lana Lang, or Lois Lane. So the tag should be changed.
     
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