View Full Version : [Oneshot] The Wendell That Wasn't by opalish - K+

09-22-2009, 07:29 PM
Title: The Wendell That Wasn't
Author: opalish
Rating: K+
Genre: Humor
DLP Category: Humor/Parody
Pairing: Harry/Ginny
Words: 1,814
Published: July 15, 2008
Status: Oneshot
Summary: The true story of how Harry and Ginny's kids got their names. Really, it's all Snape's fault. Crackfic oneshot.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4396574/1/The_Wendell_That_Wasnt


Another offering from the queen of crackish oneshots, opalish. This one explores how we ended up with James Sirius, Albus Severus, and Lily Luna as characters.

I really liked the idea of Snape haunting Harry, and there are several laugh-out-loud moments here. My only complaint is that I wish nonjon had written it and raunched it up a little.


Checked by Minion, February 23, 2013

09-22-2009, 07:46 PM
4 stars because I liked seeing 'Unca Snapey' in print.

09-23-2009, 11:47 AM
I didn't expect it to be that funny. I'm not usually a fan of crack-fics, and I thought this was more just funny dialogue and a wacky situation than an over-the-top crack-fic. I could actually see many of the lines of dialogue being said by those characters, especially Harry and Ginny, and to quote DLM, the idea of Snape haunting Harry is absolute win in this one-shot.

5/5 from me; I can't see how it could be any better. Possibly a tiny bit funnier if there were some dirty jokes sprinkled in, but it's awesome just the way it is.

For those who aren't familiar with opalish, you should also read The Day Harry Potter Retired (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4389875/1/Gossip_Queens) and Gossip Queens (now that is a crack-fic)

09-23-2009, 01:25 PM
It made me lol, and thus did what it set out to accomplish perfectly.


09-23-2009, 02:16 PM

Amusing. 4.5/5

09-23-2009, 02:32 PM
An amusing and light hearted read that made me grin like an idiot. 5/5

09-23-2009, 02:35 PM
Opalish is the King(or Queen - not too sure of the gender) at one-shot funny fics.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. It's quite possibly the best portrayal of Ginny I've read... ever.


Silens Cursor
09-23-2009, 02:36 PM
Fuck that was great. Genuinely funny, and utterly ridiculous. Massive props for a crack!fic that actually did what it was supposed to do.

5/5, and definitely deserving.

09-23-2009, 02:49 PM
Definitely worth a read. Actually made me laugh out loud a few times. 5/5

09-23-2009, 05:02 PM

That was happy and funny, and just what I needed.
I'll reread it in a few months and see if it still makes me smile. I might boost the rating.

09-23-2009, 08:42 PM
This story, and more generally, author, is good with the lolz. This was the first Epilogue-anything I didn't hate wholeheartedly.


09-23-2009, 09:40 PM
opalish writes some of the most enjoyable and pleasantly satisfying little drabbles and one-shots. This is pretty standard fare for when she's on with the endearing and humorous. Or in other words, well worth a read.

Still, not quite perfect, so rounding down to a 4/5.

09-23-2009, 09:56 PM
Lol, the author used canon realism, which we hate here at DLP, but it was still so damn funny. I laughed out loud multiple times.

Opalish made Ginny a bit of a commanding tart, Harry spineless in the way that should only be attributed to Ron, and Snape the kind of pathetic asshole that is only an asshole because of his own sob story; all perfect 7th book characterization.

09-23-2009, 11:58 PM
Meh, amusing, but not incredibly so. I'd give it a 3/5. I've preferred her other work.

09-24-2009, 03:39 AM
I must have no sense of humor, because I didn't like this at all. I didn't think it was funny, didn't even make me smile a little. The authors other works (like The Desk, currently in for review) are pretty good, but this for me does nothing.

09-24-2009, 10:15 PM
It made me laugh, especially that part about "Unca Snapey"... It's good for a quick laugh, but not amazing... 4/5.

09-24-2009, 11:24 PM
Wendell Ivanhoe

I loled at that

4/5 for me, made me laugh. Which is more than any other post DH epilogue fic can say.

09-25-2009, 02:21 PM

Pretty amusing, and I was smiling after reading it.

09-29-2009, 09:20 PM
If Snape was there when naming the babies... and he was can't leave their side.. doesn't that mean he had to watch Ginny and Harry getting it on? If he did I understand his anger; an afterlife filled with watching the son of his hated rival getting it on every night and not getting any. That is of course assuming that he still has a sexual drive.

09-30-2009, 12:56 AM
If Snape was there when naming the babies... and he was can't leave their side.. doesn't that mean he had to watch Ginny and Harry getting it on? If he did I understand his anger; an afterlife filled with watching the son of his hated rival getting it on every night and not getting any. That is of course assuming that he still has a sexual drive.

"You know," Ginny said thoughtfully, curled up in bed with Harry, her head resting comfortably on his chest, "when I agreed to marry you, I really didn't think it'd mean being married to Snape, too."

Harry grunted.

"Eloquent as always, I see," Snape said, perched on the window seat and looking pointedly everywhere but at them.

Seems obvious to me that Snape is indeed bearing witness to the Potters making the beast with two backs, although it does state that ghost!Snape generally prefers the attic to their company, at least early on.

10-01-2009, 01:16 PM
haha, this was funny. The one scenario that makes Albus Severus an acceptable name.

10-01-2011, 09:26 PM
5/5. This is practically the only acceptable order of events that could justify the prologue.

10-11-2011, 02:04 AM
The author did a great job at maing the story genuinely funny as opposed to many I have read where they attempt to be funny and really miss the mark. I am feeling a bit sorry for Snape though, having to be stuck with those two and their children. What a sad afterlife.

Dark Minion
03-24-2015, 04:50 PM
I read it after Stan mentioned it here: https://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=808582#post808582

It was okish and works as a oneshot, but I didn't actually laught out reading it.


03-24-2015, 11:34 PM
Well, I guess comedy is subjective, because I've read this one at least half a dozen times and I still crack up whenever I read it. Between this, Gossip Queens (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4389875/1/Gossip-Queens) and The Desk (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5397329/1/The-Desk), Opalish is the King/Queen of crack one-shots. I like this one the best, but perhaps that's because it makes fun of the epilogue names. And Ghost!Snape. Really, how can anything beat 'Unca Snapey'?

Scorpius Malfoy and the the improbable plot (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4357627/1/Scorpius-Malfoy-and-the-Improbable-Plot) by the same author also has some hilarious moments and makes fun of the epilogue names as well ("Ginny Potter is a stupid name, anyway. Almost as stupid as the names you insisted we give our poor children,"--"Well, it was better than naming them Humphrey, Mudd, and Giggles!"--"Shut up, Harry, those are classic names from quality literature!"--"Martin the Mad Muggle is not quality literature!"). I love Opalish -- its a real shame he/she no longer writes fanfiction.

03-24-2015, 11:41 PM
I think this is really funny, but at the same time, it's the kind of humor that's not really situational, it's more about the dialogue and the beats, and that kind of humor is more subjective than other kinds. Same reason I find Tom Stoppard or Christopher Moore hilarious and some people just shrug and say, "meh, it was okay."

I really, really like the comedic timing here, for example:
"You're an evil, evil woman," Snape said coolly. "Very well. I concede, name the brat whatever you wish, I'll comment no more."

"Right," Harry said, eyeing them both oddly. "So-not Wendell Ivanhoe, I'd say, not that it's not a, a nice name, but-"

"Oh, I wasn't joking," Ginny said cheerfully. "James Sirius will do quite well."

Snape tried to bang his head against the wall, but it went right through.

Harry cleared his throat. "I don't suppose I get a say-"

"No," Ginny said.And here:
Ginny glared. "Well," she snapped, "do either of you have any better ideas?"

"I was thinking, maybe Albus," Harry said, jiggling James a bit in his arms. James giggled happily, then pulled a horrible face at Snape, who gazed back with utter hatred in his eyes.

"Your spawn is evil and must die. Drown it before it turns on us all with destructive, murderous rage."

"Be nice," Harry admonished absently.Anyway. One of my favorite comedy one-shots. Easy 5/5.

01-22-2016, 05:09 PM
This tickled my funny bone quite efficiently. Never read Snape-the-Ghost and was quite happy to do so. Definitely a nice 5 minute diversion. 5/5

02-03-2016, 12:18 PM
It was O.K. for a crack tic but honestly I don't feel it was that funny. Sort of sad on Snape's part staying as a ghost with his mortal enemies son. 3/5