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KrzaQ
06-15-2011, 10:40 AM
The "hardly-a-duel" isn't the problem. The spell Harry used is. And so are the two other spells he used in this chapter.

That said, last chapters of this story are still the best ff updates I read lately.

Pirazy
06-15-2011, 12:12 PM
The shotgun stunner didn't bother me, the über-rare book that Bellatrix wished up in the RoR did, would've been preferrable if she just stole it from her family's library or the restricted section or something. As for the spells, well.. the author should have limited them in some way, but it ain't a dealbreaker so I'll wait and see where the author takes them.

Zeitgeist
06-16-2011, 05:32 AM
Am I the only one who's bothered by the "DracoInLeatherPants"-treatment of Bellatrix? I'm not normally a canon-adherent who rains on others' parades, but Bellatrix doesn't seem... evil enough.

Yes, this is an AU and time-travel, but if Nice!Malfoys are considered annoying, why aren't more people irked by Nice!Bellatrix?

It's a little disconcerting to see a woman who shoved a wand up Neville's nose act civilly... without the rabid blood prejudice.

gbbz
06-16-2011, 07:26 AM
Apart from the AU argument, one can point out that we don't know whether Bellatrix was a psychopath from birth or if she became one through some traumatic ordeal. Nature versus Nurture man.

She could just as well be slowly introduced and cajoled into Voldermort's camp, but Harry prevented that. What's more in this AU original timeline Bellatrix in the prologue is different and not very canon.

Another thing: in canon she's insane only after she appears, which is after her incarceration in Azkaban.

Zeitgeist
06-16-2011, 07:45 AM
Apart from the AU argument, one can point out that we don't know whether Bellatrix was a psychopath from birth or if she became one through some traumatic ordeal. Nature versus Nurture man.

She could just as well be slowly introduced and cajoled into Voldermort's camp, but Harry prevented that. What's more in this AU original timeline Bellatrix in the prologue is different and not very canon.

Another thing: in canon she's insane only after she appears, which is after her incarceration in Azkaban.

When it comes to the sanities of Potter character, I personally subscribe to the Rowling school of thought: it's a combination of nature and nurture.

Jo made a comment about Voldemort, I think, and how his upbringing wasn't the only thing that created the Dark Lord. It's especially telling how Tom is the scariest thing in the orphanage. I mean, HBP makes it clear that while Harry and Voldemort both had similar upbringings, they were very different people. Something about Tom being born without love due to the Amortentia, while Harry is the progeny of a consummated marriage.

Catman mentioned in the Boy Who Lived thread that Megii's story was good because it didn't try to wave away all of Voldemort's sociopathy. I have a friend who's studying psychology, and her professor tells her that while many serial killers are products of broken homes, there are also many who showed signs of instability even when things were "all right".

Yes, nurture probably played a large part in Bellatrix's ascension to villainess, but it's too simplistic to conclude that it is the only contributive factor.

I wouldn't argue this if there was even a scrap of evidence in canon that Bellatrix would have been a decent cookie if it wasn't for her upbringing, but lo and behold! A family with a history of in-breeding and violence.

Sirius isn't certainly not a reliable source, but he does imply that Bellatrix was a little "off" even as a child. If anyone, it'd be Andromeda who's most likely to act like "Bella" in this fic. Even Narcissa is a more likely candidate.

If Nice!Malfoys are annoying, why not Nice!Bella as well? Surely I can't be the only one.

nb: gbbz, she was definitely veering on insanity even before Azkaban. The Longbottoms, anyone? The Dementors merely pushed her a little more over the edge.

HBCarter said something really interesting in an interview, I think. She compared postAzkaban!Bellatrix to her own two year-old toddler; shrieking and fickle.

TheWiseTomato
06-16-2011, 08:34 AM
That's JKR's opinion on Nature/Nurture though. At this point in the fic, Bellatrix is still a schoolgirl, still forming her opinions on blood status and Voldemort is only just arriving on the scene to sway people to his cause. Bellatrix has years yet to develop to the state we see her in during canon.

She's found someone else to follow over the Dark Lord, and that will impact her views. I agree she could be a bit more cold metal bitch, but she's trying to get into Harry's good books, and she does look up to him.

Also, you don't need to be insane to torture someone into a comatose state.

Felur
06-16-2011, 10:15 AM
Am I the only one who's bothered by the "DracoInLeatherPants"-treatment of Bellatrix? I'm not normally a canon-adherent who rains on others' parades, but Bellatrix doesn't seem... evil enough.

Yes, this is an AU and time-travel, but if Nice!Malfoys are considered annoying, why aren't more people irked by Nice!Bellatrix?

It's a little disconcerting to see a woman who shoved a wand up Neville's nose act civilly... without the rabid blood prejudice.

First off all, this story is the one of the few such Harry/Bellatrix fic which is worth reading. It could be much better but enjoyable especially compared with the usual crap (I am a nice, light-sided, good girl who was controlled). Furthermore it is very difficult to write a serious, novel long Harry/Bellatrix fic with a psychopath!Bella (same as with e. g. canon!Luna), so we know that almost everybody cheats (notable exception Only Enemies). And in this story Bellatrix is not nice. She has no friends, she almost exclusively cares about herself (before Harry's entrance), strives for power and although she isn't a pure blood purist (yet) we see that she could easily have became a top Death Eater without Harry's intervention.

I think that's why we don't complain (much) about the sane!Bellatrix.

Zeitgeist
06-16-2011, 10:53 AM
First off all, this story is the one of the few such Harry/Bellatrix fic which is worth reading. It could be much better but enjoyable especially compared with the usual crap (I am a nice, light-sided, good girl who was controlled). Furthermore it is very difficult to write a serious, novel long Harry/Bellatrix fic with a psychopath!Bella (same as with e. g. canon!Luna), so we know that almost everybody cheats (notable exception Only Enemies). And in this story Bellatrix is not nice. She has no friends, she almost exclusively cares about herself (before Harry's entrance), strives for power and although she isn't a pure blood purist (yet) we see that she could easily have became a top Death Eater without Harry's intervention.

I think that's why we don't complain (much) about the sane!Bellatrix.

Makes sense, I suppose. Still, you'd have to acknowledge that Bellatrix is probably a little OOC here, even though she is still selfish and not a "Woobie". I was just expecting a bit more of a hint of madness from this teenage Bella. Judging from Sirius's words and what we know about the Black family, they were rather unstable even before Voldemort's rise. I would have preferred a darker, more racist and perhaps more violent Bella. She doesn't need to be the bunny boiler from the books. I would just like more allusions to her perhaps latent sociopathy.

It is in-built to some extent. What I remember of Bella from the GoF trial, she wasn't quite the foaming nutjob as her post-Azkaban self. However, even then she was a bit cuckoo. Rational and cunning, yes, but sociopathic? Double yes.

It's just like the Boy Who Lived fanfic; if we don't tolerate Nice!Adopted Toms and Nice!Malfoys, why the Nice!Bella?

Okay, maybe not so much "nice" as "sane", but you know what I mean. She doesn't seem sociopathic or "evil" enough.


(Is it possible that we are more likely to tolerate a nice/sane!Bella than a nice!Malfoy, because of Bellatrix and HBC's "huge tracks of land", to quote TvTropes?)


Still, the writing of the fic is rather good, and the Harry/Bella relationship, which I think I'm subconsciously treating as practically a Harry/OC relationship, is decently done.

kpjam
06-16-2011, 12:03 PM
It is in-built to some extent. What I remember of Bella from the GoF trial, she wasn't quite the foaming nutjob as her post-Azkaban self. However, even then she was a bit cuckoo. Rational and cunning, yes, but sociopathic? Double yes.



There is no depth to Bella in canon. There is no depth too most of the characters in canon. And what we do see in the books or movies isn't a foaming nutjob, but a cruel person that appears slightly or not-so slightly deranged. So I think the author has done an excellent job of presenting a plauisble young Bella. If you're going to be a strict canon fanatic, the elder male Blacks and Malfoy are much harder to believe.

I can understand people not liking this portrayal of Bella, but people who say this can't be Bella from before she became a death-eater aren't being honest about how little is known about canon-Bella. Or are cherry-picking canon things they agree with.

Look at Kreacher. A character inside the book goes from blood-purist house-elf to leading the charge against the death eaters at the battle of Hogwarts. I find that inside the book reversal of fortune harder then believing Bella is a bored over-powered slightly unhinged princess.

Zeitgeist
06-16-2011, 12:21 PM
There is no depth to Bella in canon. There is no depth too most of the characters in canon. And what we do see in the books or movies isn't a foaming nutjob, but a cruel person that appears slightly or not-so slightly deranged. So I think the author has done an excellent job of presenting a plauisble young Bella. If you're going to be a strict canon fanatic, the elder male Blacks and Malfoy are much harder to believe.

I can understand people not liking this portrayal of Bella, but people who say this can't be Bella from before she became a death-eater aren't being honest about how little is known about canon-Bella. Or are cherry-picking canon things they agree with.

Look at Kreacher. A character inside the book goes from blood-purist house-elf to leading the charge against the death eaters at the battle of Hogwarts. I find that inside the book reversal of fortune harder then believing Bella is a bored over-powered slightly unhinged princess.

Rowling implies that Bellatrix was unhinged, even as a child. Granted, this evidence is either from the mouth of Sirius (unreliable) and her checkered family background, but since there is no indication of otherwise, we should interpret this as Rowling's canon. Like or not, Rowling thinks Bellatrix is a nasty piece of work; she made that very clear in her interviews. You are entitled to have your own opinion and who is to say Rowling makes good decisions (Ginny from HBP is a particularly telling example), but canon is canon.

And on the serious Blacks and Malfoy, they're probably less canon-compliant than this Bellatrix, but at least they're unseen characters. Blank slates like Daphne Greengrass, upon which you can be more liberal in your reimaginations. Bellatrix is so strongly characterised in canon that this Bellatrix is jarring. Still fascinating to read about, yes, but jarring nonetheless. I had to almost pretend that she is an OC future Death Eater, or Andromeda.

I'm basically iterating my previous tl;dr posts, but to-mae-to, to-mah-to, we have to acknowledge at least that this Bella is an AU version. Probably not IC, and not particularly plausible. It doesn't mean she's any less awesome; even though Orion was probably non-canon compliant, I still really enjoyed the political intrigue he presented. He's a breath of fresh air. But OOC/AU, nonetheless.

And I'm not trying to "cherry pick" canon; I'm just a little puzzled by how many DLP-ers are fine with this Bellatrix, yet would be a little uncomfortable with Nice!Malfoys or Nice!Toms. Is it because this Bella is well-written, while most Nice!Malfoys are a walking sack of fangirl angst?

EDIT: And it's not expedient to declare that canon!Bella has no depth. As you mentioned, she's surprisingly dangerous, resourceful and rational even as her nutjob self. And you could easily explore the extent of what HBCarter called Bellatrix's "functional sociopathy"; the author of this fic could do the same sort of shtick he does here, trying to portray a saner Bellatrix who isn't completely down the road to madness. However, he could have injected more cruelty into his Bellatrix; many sociopaths show signs of disturbance, even as children. (e.g. playing with insects, pulling their siblings' hair for no reason, playing with dead birds, etc.)

That Bellatrix would be more plausible and IC, in my opinion, and still be interesting - and sane/"nice".


I guess that I was holding out for a Peter Wiggin-esque Bellatrix. She can have sociopathic tendencies without being evil, and whilst still being raised in a decent home with Harry's ameliorating influence.

A little more cruelty would make this Bella more interesting, in this reviewer's humble opinion. Then again, it is only my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own.

Oruma
06-16-2011, 01:12 PM
Perhaps there won't be complaints against Bella for her OOC-ness, if she go into a battle charging like a maniac and gloating her opponents like crazy. While fighting for the good guys that is. Establish she is the "Good but not Nice" or "Anti-heroic" type of character.

gbbz
06-16-2011, 03:57 PM
Perhaps there won't be complaints against Bella for her OOC-ness, if she go into a battle charging like a maniac and gloating her opponents like crazy. While fighting for the good guys that is. Establish she is the "Good but not Nice" or "Anti-heroic" type of character.

God please NO!!!!

Anarchy
06-16-2011, 03:58 PM
I'm just a little puzzled by how many DLP-ers are fine with this Bellatrix

Because the author has done a decent job with making it believable, and that is the end of it.

Bellatrix in this fic admits to knowing a lot of Dark Arts, likes to drink to drown her sorrows, and spends most of her free time gutting a large snake. She's chosen what she thinks is the best path for herself. I wouldn't call Bellatrix 'nice' in this story, but she's not a crazy bitch. Nothing has happened yet to turn her into one, but I wouldn't call her normal either.

Bellatrix in the books was around 30 years old when she got convicted to Azkaban, thats twelve years older than what Bellatrix is now. This Bellatrix has run from Voldemort, run from her family, and run from marriage with Lestrange, and those are the kinds of things that would have destabilized her more, but they don't happen.

Even when Tom Riddle was in school, he was mostly sane even after splitting his own soul. But in this story, Bellatrix hasn't done anything that would make her loopy that we know of, and from everything we have read, Harry has saved her from that path.

Tasoli
06-17-2011, 04:01 PM
Exactly When I am reading this story I think Harry as a calming influence for Bella. She looks up to him. Also at the end of last chapter we see How strongly she feels about being storng. Even her kissing Harry had an ulterior motive and wasn't some mushy crap making it more belivable

If Harry was any thing like voldemort I can see Bella turning to pysico we all know and love just as Harry's bitch instead of Voldemort's.

Tenages
06-21-2011, 05:47 PM
Rowling implies that Bellatrix was unhinged, even as a child. Granted, this evidence is either from the mouth of Sirius (unreliable) and her checkered family background, but since there is no indication of otherwise, we should interpret this as Rowling's canon. Like or not, Rowling thinks Bellatrix is a nasty piece of work; she made that very clear in her interviews. You are entitled to have your own opinion and who is to say Rowling makes good decisions (Ginny from HBP is a particularly telling example), but canon is canon.

First of all, it's an AU. Lot's of shit in the story doesn't fit with canon.

Secondly, who the fuck cares what Rowling "thinks" of Bellatrix's character. Rowling's thoughts and feelings aren't canon. And Bellatrix's background is almost completely a blank slate in canon. You can absolutely reconcile the Bellatrix from this story with the Bellatrix from canon if different events had happened. You don't like that this interpretation of her character. We get it. Doesn't make it any less legitimate. Move on.

And for the love of god stop littering your arguments with TVTropeisms.

Nuhuh
06-22-2011, 09:11 AM
To be honest, I would have liked to see a Bella a little more like her elder version. These are two entirely different people.

BUT, the in-verse reason for Bella being rational is sufficient for me to enjoy most of this fic. Sometimes the writing takes a dive, but other than that all good.

Now, if I was writing it, Bella would definitely be a little unhinged. But that's me, and everyone knows I like crazy bitches.

World
06-22-2011, 04:41 PM
Bella being somewhat unhinged might have added an extra 'challenge' for Harry / twist to the story. Ah well.

Nuhuh
06-23-2011, 09:16 AM
Bella being somewhat unhinged might have added an extra 'challenge' for Harry / twist to the story. Ah well.

Yeah, I agree. When I look back on the story so far it's very hard to see Bella as her own character. I get that she's more or less a foil for Harry but that leaves some part of her fairly unexplored. Recently that has been changing, which is good.

I recall a line from one of the last chapters where Harry muses that she's closer to him than Hermione and Ron had ever been; that seemed odd, given that he operated on pretty much full disclosure with those two, which he doesn't with Bella. Sometimes the writers really throw out inconsistent crap like that. Other times they are brilliant with the political maneuverings, etc.

Jeopardizer
06-23-2011, 05:02 PM
I recall a line from one of the last chapters where Harry muses that she's closer to him than Hermione and Ron had ever been; that seemed odd, given that he operated on pretty much full disclosure with those two, which he doesn't with Bella..


The amount of information you trust someone with is not really the only way to determine the "ranking" of your friends. Baring the obvious 'need to know' basis of certain lines of work, Harry was younger, more naïve, and, all-in-all, lived in pretty exciting times at Hogwarts. Here we have a more jaded and mature version of Harry, wich has/wish to guard his secrets a little more closely.

So it doesn't really shock me, as it is.

refury200
06-28-2011, 05:45 PM
I believe the auther overall has done a good job, but find certain characters over the top. Like Lily Evans for example. Her character pretty seemed like a Hermione with red hair. I feel as if she was way too naive and gullible.

I enjoy Bellatrix as well as Harry's characters. I haven't read the first chapter in awhile, but I dont think the auther ever explained in detail why Bellatrix was in the cell with Harry.
Am I right or wrong in that regard, because I'm incredibly curious about it.

Styx0444
06-28-2011, 09:02 PM
Like Lily Evans for example. Her character pretty seemed like a Hermione with red hair. I feel as if she was way too naive and gullible.


Seems pretty canon to me, it's not like she's regurgitating facts at anything that moves.


I enjoy Bellatrix as well as Harry's characters. I haven't read the first chapter in awhile, but I dont think the auther ever explained in detail why Bellatrix was in the cell with Harry.
Am I right or wrong in that regard, because I'm incredibly curious about it.

I think it's mentioned somewhere that she had betrayed Voldemort for some reason or something. In chapter one. If it hasn't been said, though, I doubt it ever will be.

A new chapter is up, I enjoyed it. Only one appearance of the image projection spell, so the author seems to be toning it down.

T3t
06-28-2011, 09:22 PM
Stylistically the new chapter sucked - there was a lot of incapable use of adjectives and adverbs, and other minor problems.

Apart from that, however, I liked how most everything fell out. This was definitely better than the last chapter.

Sesc
06-28-2011, 09:27 PM
Better, again. Must be the other author :p

Still, there was more potential. That part where Harry goes to Malfoy Manor -- I'd have probably made an entire chapter just out of that. A burnt-out ruin, rain pouring down into the hall, the sky slowly darkening behind the window-openings in the blackened walls ... and suddenly, he's not alone? What a very awesome setting.

I have to find a way to fit that somewhere :s

Nuhuh
06-28-2011, 10:38 PM
It's the typical see-saw we have in this fic. One author is definitely better than the other, you can always tell by the execution of the chapter.

Frankly I thought this was fairly poor. Only thing I enjoyed was Bellatrix continuing to pursue Harry as a trophy to be transacted for, and Harry looking at the romantic angles.

fuubar
06-29-2011, 12:42 AM
Better, again. Must be the other author :p

Still, there was more potential. That part where Harry goes to Malfoy Manor -- I'd have probably made an entire chapter just out of that. A burnt-out ruin, rain pouring down into the hall, the sky slowly darkening behind the window-openings in the blackened walls ... and suddenly, he's not alone? What a very awesome setting.

I have to find a way to fit that somewhere :s

This story would be much more interesting on many levels if you were writing it. Of course we'd still be on chapter 4 :p

Pirazy
06-29-2011, 02:13 AM
The author's continued bungling of Harry's side in the war is starting to bother me, he spends all his time loitering in a bar, hoping for a lowly death eater to approach him with a job, presumeably so he can set a trap or squeeze aforementioned death eater for information. Now for the second time in a row he stumbles on a golden opportunity and for some reason just drops it, Rodolphus happened upon him in the ruins and Harry does his best to take him alive, and then he when he has the upper hand he just tosses fiendfyre at him and runs like a bitch. This shit isn't computing at all.

Either do your best to take them alive and torture them for info or just outright murder them, this pussyfooting around will not do at all. Harry seems to go out of his way in fighting this war by fighting as little as possible. When the hell is he gonna man the fuck up and start whittling away at Voldemort's forces and put him off-balance? Maybe he'd have a harder time recruiting followers if those he had seemed to just disappear at inconvenient times. It seems all Harry's doing is reacting to what everyone else does while protecting his virtue from Bellatrix.

Sin Saiori
06-29-2011, 03:26 AM
By far, the biggest inconsistency so far was trying to kill Rodolphus. Also, my biggest problem with this particular chapter was Harry's continuing confusion concerning Bella. As another quirk of a story being written by two different authors, his feelings for her change with every chapter, following a pattern. One author seems to be in love with the idea of a romantic relation between the two, while the other seems to want to keep them apart through sheer lack of commitment/conviction on Harry's part.

This is really starting to bug me.

Tenages
06-29-2011, 09:09 AM
Yeah the Rudolphus thing just doesn't make any sense. He's spent days sitting in a pub waiting for a Death Eater to seek him out. He then stumbles across one in the ruins of Malfoy Manor. He's kicking his ass with little apparent effort and then suddenly decides fuck that Imma throw some Fiendfyre and run. It just doesn't compute. Not only are their clear inconsistencies between the different authors, there's inconsistencies just within single chapters.

It's immensely frustrating.

Nuhuh
06-29-2011, 09:58 AM
*sigh*

We need a DLPer to take this up. Has potential but I'm at the point of giving this up because with every new chapter I feel like it's a crapshoot of quality or just wtf.

Cxjenious
06-29-2011, 10:10 PM
I always wanted to write a Harry/Bella time-travel story. There's just the question of how AU to make it... as far as Harry before he goes back in time...

Innomine
06-30-2011, 08:29 AM
I always wanted to write a Harry/Bella time-travel story. There's just the question of how AU to make it... as far as Harry before he goes back in time...

Well, I was just about to start catching back up on the story, then I read this...

Puts a downer on that. :(

Cxjenious
06-30-2011, 09:52 AM
Eureka, I've figured it out! (the point of divergence, I mean). Now the question is, completely rework the aspects of the fic, or just take their shit and make it better with my own sadistic twist?

Lord Silvere
06-30-2011, 12:00 PM
Actually, I would really prefer it if you guys didn't plagiarize my story.

Thanks,

LS

Sesc
06-30-2011, 12:06 PM
Err ... who talked about plagiarising? We have a quite strict policy (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/rules.php) regarding that, actually, Lord Silvere. Welcome, by the way. I'm glad you lurk here. Kinda meh-ish first post, though.

Zephyrus
06-30-2011, 12:22 PM
Actually, I would really prefer it if you guys didn't plagiarize my story.

Thanks,

LS

You're taking a suggestion from a member that someone should do a Harry/Bella time travel story "right" and "better" as a suggestion to plagiarize the fic?

For one thing, that's pretty stupid. That would be like the author who wrote the first Severitus fic whining that every fic thereafter that came even close to the original was plagiarizing.

For another thing, this fic isn't horrible, but only half of it is worth plagiarizing. Stylistically (and technically), one author is obviously better than the other to me. If there is any plagiarizing to be done, clearly, people should plagiarize from the better half.

Lastly, that's a pretty crappy first post. Knee-jerk reaction and accusing DLP of plagiarism when, as Sesc said, we have strict policies concerning plagiarism and all of us here hate it with a burning passion? Definitely crappy.

Lord Silvere
06-30-2011, 12:52 PM
*sigh*

We need a DLPer to take this up. Has potential but I'm at the point of giving this up because with every new chapter I feel like it's a crapshoot of quality or just wtf.

To me, that sounds rather like a proposal to hijack the plot. If it wasn't, then I'm glad to hear it.

As for someone else writing a Harry/Bella time travel story, I'd be more than thrilled to read it--after all, I've heard so much from you folks about the ideal H/B story. Send me the link when you get it going. There aren't that many H/B stories, and sometimes I feel rather lonely.

While I'm posting, I'd also like to point out one thing. The theory you guys keep bringing up about there being one good author and one crappy author on this story has provided me a certain amount of amusement over the past months. First off, when I co-author, both me and the co-author have a hand in every paragraph of every chapter. Trying to separate which sentence or word belongs to what author is nearly impossible. There's also another factor in the more recent chapters that makes your discussion of who wrote what chapter hilarious. Check the byline on the more recent chapters and you might figure out what I'm talking about. ;)

All the best,

LS

kpjam
06-30-2011, 12:56 PM
You're taking a suggestion from a member that someone should do a Harry/Bella time travel story "right" and "better" as a suggestion to plagiarize the fic?

For one thing, that's pretty stupid. That would be like the author who wrote the first Severitus fic whining that every fic thereafter that came even close to the original was plagiarizing.

For another thing, this fic isn't horrible, but only half of it is worth plagiarizing. Stylistically (and technically), one author is obviously better than the other to me. If there is any plagiarizing to be done, clearly, people should plagiarize from the better half.

Lastly, that's a pretty crappy first post. Knee-jerk reaction and accusing DLP of plagiarism when, as Sesc said, we have strict policies concerning plagiarism and all of us here hate it with a burning passion? Definitely crappy.



The statements leading up to his post were a lot more specific then someone should write a better Harry/Bella time travel fic, they were leading up to being quite specific.

And even if they were as non-specific as you seem to think they are, the author is allowed so say, hey, I hope you don't just steal my shit.

He never accused anyone of the deed, he simply stated a fact. He would like people to refrain from plagiarizing his story. I don't think that's much to ask since there were four or so post in a row that heavily implied that someone should do just that. So his knee-jerk reaction is just as knee-jerk as yours and sesc.

example - "or just take their shit and make it better with my own sadistic twist" is pretty close to downright saying I'm going to rip this story. It's a lot closer to intellectual theft is then "hey, i hope you guys don't rip my story" is to an actual accusation.

Nuhuh
06-30-2011, 12:56 PM
To me, that sounds rather like a proposal to hijack the plot. If it wasn't, then I'm glad to hear it.


I never promote plagiarism, so no hijacking asked for. Hellatrix definitely asked for and consistency in writing.

Edit: Btw, we have a long tradition of deep-sixing people who steal stories. So regardless of how much we enjoy your fic (which judging by reviews here is very favorable) or not, DLP would tar, feather, and anally invade whoever ripped you off on principle.

Sesc
06-30-2011, 01:06 PM
Lord Silvere: Well, the fact remains that the quality is fluctuating like wtf. If you could keep the level of the better chapters, I'd be more than glad.


example - "or just take their shit and make it better with my own sadistic twist" is pretty close to downright saying I'm going to rip this story. It's a lot closer to intellectual theft is then "hey, i hope you guys don't rip my story" is to an actual accusation.

kpjam, you dumbass. LS is new, but you aren't. You should know better. Whatever has been said or will be said, no one here will actually rip off a story in any way and not get his ass banned like you wouldn't believe once that becomes known. We have a history with that.

So where the fuck was my reaction a knee-jerk one? I told him what I just told you, more polite and with a greeting.

Zephyrus
06-30-2011, 01:12 PM
The statements leading up to his post were a lot more specific then someone should write a better Harry/Bella time travel fic, they were leading up to being quite specific.

And even if they were as non-specific as you seem to think they are, the author is allowed so say, hey, I hope you don't just steal my shit.

He never accused anyone of the deed, he simply stated a fact. He would like people to refrain from plagiarizing his story. I don't think that's much to ask since there were four or so post in a row that heavily implied that someone should do just that. So his knee-jerk reaction is just as knee-jerk as yours and sesc.

example - "or just take their shit and make it better with my own sadistic twist" is pretty close to downright saying I'm going to rip this story. It's a lot closer to intellectual theft is then "hey, i hope you guys don't rip my story" is to an actual accusation.

I'd argue that the example you gave (notably made by someone who doesn't seem to have written anything of quality or is a noted member of DLP) wasn't intended by the poster to be seen as having an intention to plagiarize. Is everyone who uses similar time-traveling plots plagiarizing from the authors that do it better than the vast majority of authors who write in that genre? Can the same be said for those who do the "traditional" Diagon Alley scenes, Harry joins Lord Voldemort fics, Lord of Azkaban fics, etc., etc.? Of course not.

Yes, it was suggested that a DLPer "take it up". I personally translated this into, "Someone from DLP write something similar, but better." Big difference between plagiarizing and asking for a better TimeTraveling!Harry/Bella fic.

If anyone else thought that this poster had been suggesting outright plagiarism, especially a mod, he would have been banned a long time ago.

So no, I wasn't posting a knee-jerk reaction post like Silvere was. I was calling him/her/them/whatever out on being an oversensitive berk.

refury200
06-30-2011, 02:07 PM
I'd argue that the example you gave (notably made by someone who doesn't seem to have written anything of quality or is a noted member of DLP) wasn't intended by the poster to be seen as having an intention to plagiarize. Is everyone who uses similar time-traveling plots plagiarizing from the authors that do it better than the vast majority of authors who write in that genre? Can the same be said for those who do the "traditional" Diagon Alley scenes, Harry joins Lord Voldemort fics, Lord of Azkaban fics, etc., etc.? Of course not.

Yes, it was suggested that a DLPer "take it up". I personally translated this into, "Someone from DLP write something similar, but better." Big difference between plagiarizing and asking for a better TimeTraveling!Harry/Bella fic.

If anyone else thought that this poster had been suggesting outright plagiarism, especially a mod, he would have been banned a long time ago.

So no, I wasn't posting a knee-jerk reaction post like Silvere was. I was calling him/her/them/whatever out on being an oversensitive berk.

Well.... this thread suddenly became very awkward. I hope that we can get past our differences and fighting over one measly comment and go back to talking about what the thread's supposed to be about, the story.

I didn't enjoy this past chapter, who disagrees or agrees?

gbbz
06-30-2011, 03:32 PM
I, for one, am rooting for a new Harry/Bella fic. Since this and 'Only enemies' are the sole ones deserving some recognition (Earl was nice, a long time ago I suppose, now it's ridden with cliches and poor implementation).

As to my perceptions of recent chapters. Well, I liked them. They FINALLY moved the plot forward. I can ignore the cheese in form of phoenix fire and image projection, since they haven't been abused. My only gripe is the supposedly refined and aristocratic Bellatrix munching on funions or other shit, while wearing a t-shirt, and watching TV at the same time.

refury200
06-30-2011, 04:37 PM
I, for one, am rooting for a new Harry/Bella fic. Since this and 'Only enemies' are the sole ones deserving some recognition (Earl was nice, a long time ago I suppose, now it's ridden with cliches and poor implementation).

As to my perceptions of recent chapters. Well, I liked them. They FINALLY moved the plot forward. I can ignore the cheese in form of phoenix fire and image projection, since they haven't been abused. My only gripe is the supposedly refined and aristocratic Bellatrix munching on funions or other shit, while wearing a t-shirt, and watching TV at the same time.

Don't you go messing with my Funions, or i'll let lose a can of woop-ass.

Sesc
06-30-2011, 04:48 PM
Well.... this thread suddenly became very awkward. I hope that we can get past our differences and fighting over one measly comment and go back to talking about what the thread's supposed to be about, the story.

It wasn't awkward before you posted. No one asked for your opinion. And stop verbally vomiting into every thread you come across.

Tenages
06-30-2011, 05:02 PM
Lord Silvere: If it's not alternating chapters, then that makes the problem even worse really. Rather than two authors with different tones and ideas of characterization, we have one unified entity that has trouble maintaining a consistent story tone or pace. We have one entity that lets characterization twist and change seemingly at random. We have one entity that seems to have trouble maintaining a continuity of action and character, rather than two authors who aren't paying close enough attention to each other.

Basically all of the flaws that are explainable and to a degree understandable if there are two author writing distinct sections become larger and less justifiable if that isn't so.

Lord Silvere
06-30-2011, 05:23 PM
You're all entitled to your opinions about the quality of my writing, and I will reserve my own opinion for myself. However, I can't help but wonder why all you people who dislike it and are repeatedly disappointed keep reading it. When I don't like a story, I don't read it, and I certainly don't waste my time complaining about it to an author who seemingly chooses to dismiss such comments. Really, if you guys can write a better H/B or even Harry/Narcissa, go for it. I'd love to read one.

LS

refury200
06-30-2011, 05:28 PM
It wasn't awkward before you posted. No one asked for your opinion. And stop verbally vomiting into every thread you come across.

Im afraid that's just how I roll Sesc. Just be happy I don't force you to read my writings, then you'd be the one vomiting.

The Berkeley Hunt
06-30-2011, 05:35 PM
As much as the argument isn't invalid, using the "If you don't like it, don't read it" cliche will almost instantly equate you with the many screaming teens who use the phrase.

While we have the author talking, Hey, I like your story. Also, do have the story all planned out, or are you just winging it?

Styx0444
06-30-2011, 05:50 PM
You're all entitled to your opinions about the quality of my writing, and I will reserve my own opinion for myself. However, I can't help but wonder why all you people who dislike it and are repeatedly disappointed keep reading it. When I don't like a story, I don't read it, and I certainly don't waste my time complaining about it to an author who seemingly chooses to dismiss such comments. Really, if you guys can write a better H/B or even Harry/Narcissa, go for it. I'd love to read one.

LS

:vorlon

They said that you have a serious issue keeping your style consistent, which is a major flaw in any written work. They didn't call it shit, it's still entertaining enough to read, it could just be better.

Im afraid that's just how I roll Sesc. Just be happy I don't force you to read my writings, then you'd be the one vomiting.

:facepalm

Lord Silvere
06-30-2011, 05:56 PM
From my point of view, the story is split into two parts. Part 1 has been plotted in detail. Part 2 is plotted in less detail, though there is a strong skeleton. Two chapters will put the story at the end of Part 1. At that point, I will take the opportunity to reread Part 1 and finish the details on Part 2 before continuing.

LS

Anarchy
06-30-2011, 06:07 PM
I liked the new chapter, but the bar thing and 'Thorpe' feel like major filler, just like the Diagon Alley thug scene the chapter before. While Thorpe is probably going to be used in future chapters, it just seems kind of meaningless right now.

Hell, Harry doesn't really have to do any searching, since they are all looking for him. Trap, ambush, steal thoughts from DE's mind, done.

Sesc
06-30-2011, 06:15 PM
However, I can't help but wonder why all you people who dislike it and are repeatedly disappointed keep reading it.

*rolls eyes* Yes, because there are only completely horrible and completely fantastic stories around. Since when are are being disappointed and being interested mutually exclusive? You can be sure that everyone who dislikes it isn't reading it, that's kinda obvious.

Otherwise, it's exactly as I said. You have good parts and bad parts. And so far, the good parts are quite enough to keep me reading, and this thread right here where it is. But this doesn't mean that the bad parts aren't bad or that the story couldn't be better.

For that matter, a story can always be better. Personally, my impression is in this case that it's about experience, so if you keep writing, you can only get better. That's something positive. And maybe, you'll eventually set the bar for quality as high as published works, like a few here do (successfully or not).


When I don't like a story, I don't read it, and I certainly don't waste my time complaining about it to an author who seemingly chooses to dismiss such comments.

Three things. If you know them and keep them in mind, you'll get happy here.

A) This thread is in the Library. This means your story is better than average -- it's got a 3.81/5 which isn't spectacular, but better than much of the crap on FF.net.

B) This thread is in the Library. This means comments here are primarily for readers to discuss the story and give reviews to other potential readers. Authors usually only come second, but you're of course free to use the feedback and to discuss aspects or answer questions.

C) This thread is in the Library. This means it's a DLP thread, and you came here, not the other way round.


That's really all there is to it. Nothing more and nothing less. And I'd be glad if you stayed around.

World
06-30-2011, 06:31 PM
You're all entitled to your opinions about the quality of my writing, and I will reserve my own opinion for myself. However, I can't help but wonder why all you people who dislike it and are repeatedly disappointed keep reading it. When I don't like a story, I don't read it, and I certainly don't waste my time complaining about it to an author who seemingly chooses to dismiss such comments.

Is that your way of saying you don't care for criticism?

Just yesterday I say a thread in WbA featuring a rather bad story that was harshly criticised. The author was open to it and tried to improve the story upon it. I'd wager he(/she) made more friends with that than you with your posts in this thread.

At least I'd hope so.

If you look into the WbA subforum, you'll find its whole purpose is to make a story better - by collecting input from others. And the very good posts, those that provide thoughtful and useful criticism, are made by members who care about the story (or the author), want to help improve it and think it has (even more) potential. Criticism isn't about your failings as an author. It's about potential.

Obviously you don't have to agree with every single reviewer. But you'd be a fool to totally ignore any feedback. (And don't say you're writing the story for yourself - why post it then.)

Now the question is, completely rework the aspects of the fic, or just take their shit and make it better with my own sadistic twist?
DLP core values aside, this post conveys a certain intent and acceptance of plagiarising the story, so Silvere's response isn't totally off base.
€dit: Which doesn't mean DLP as a whole or the posters in question would actually approve of performing said plagiarism. Offer void in Kansas.

Trig
06-30-2011, 06:43 PM
However, I can't help but wonder why all you people who dislike it and are repeatedly disappointed keep reading it. When I don't like a story, I don't read it, and I certainly don't waste my time complaining about it to an author who seemingly chooses to dismiss such comments.

I personally am disappointed because this story had so much potential. The premise was and still is interesting and the first couple of chapters were quite good, which is a rare occurrence in and of itself.

Then the quality started fluctuating. One chapter made me think that you screwed it up, the next convinced me otherwise again. This is frustrating beyond belief because I know that the final product could've been so much better and that you had the ability to do so. That doesn't mean that I dislike this fic and I keep reading because I sincerely hope that you'll salvage this. The problem is not that this is a bad story, it just didn't live up to its potential.

Cxjenious
07-01-2011, 08:15 PM
... It was a joke. When have I ever written any-fucking thing? I'm a member of his yahoo group, for fuck's sake. You could've just asked me, you know... fucking twits. I've been here for six years, posting and lurking tough. I know this site like the back of my hand... and I wouldn't lower myself to actually steal anything from this story. Well, anything that belongs to Silvere, anyway. J.K's shit is a different story entirely, considering...

EDIT: And I figure I might take a stab at the genre anyway. Why not?

Plothole
08-11-2011, 09:28 PM
Story was updated.

I'm not so sure I enjoyed this chapter as much as the others. To me, Harry came off as slightly... childish. The whole chapter felt rather abrupt, jumping around from one thing that needed to be done to another. Not much consistency to the whole chapter. It felt rather like a rushed ending to the story.

Tenages
08-12-2011, 01:26 AM
I thought it was atrocious. It was way too much show and don't tell. As Plothole said, it skipped around way too much. It felt the author had a list of things to do and turned the story into a checklist. Harry and Bellatrix's ability to deduce every single important thing about Horcruxes and how Voldemort from nothing more than a partial childhood psychological profile was retarded.

The fight at the end wasn't that impressive, the altered prophecy was, as they nearly always are, incredibly lame and pointless. If the stabbing with the hairpin results in Harry getting sent back again I'll be incredibly disappointed. That would just be weak as a horrible plot device.

After this chapter, I'm going to have to downgrade my rating. It's no better than a 3/5 anymore.

T3t
08-12-2011, 03:02 AM
Yeah, that was incredibly disappointing. It's really bizarre how much the quality of a single author's writing fluctuates.

Anarchy
08-12-2011, 03:05 AM
Nearly 5 weeks since the last update, and we get this shit? Uhg. This story had many 5/5 chapters, a few 4/5s, and now this.

Rakkety Tam
08-12-2011, 03:20 AM
WTF was this shit? This chapter is a 2/5 at best. How can a story with so much promise go so horribly wrong with one chapter? I couldn't even bring myself to actually read the entire chapter. I skimmed large sections of it.

Thaumologist
08-12-2011, 05:52 AM
He seems to have fallen into the trap that all too often appears in time/universe travel fics: 'hey it worked once, lets do it again!'

So basically, these first twenty five chapters will have been for nothing. We're either going to go through the same time, but with a closer friendship between the two, or they'll end up going further back, and both of them being out of their own time.

I'd had massively high hopes for this, as H/Bella isn't really common (or well written), and this seemed to be doing ok. Next chapter could completely break it.

Oruma
08-12-2011, 11:59 AM
I'm actually thinking they might've gone to the future and had to deal with one where what they'd done actually somehow allowed Voldemort to win the war.

Jeopardizer
08-12-2011, 08:52 PM
It's really bizarre how much the quality of a single author's writing fluctuates.

In the AN of the first chapter it is said that there is, in fact, two authors.

Styx0444
08-12-2011, 11:50 PM
In the AN of the first chapter it is said that there is, in fact, two authors.

In his post earlier in this thread, the author said that there wasn't.

samkar
08-13-2011, 12:22 AM
I don't even understand why he didn't just assume that Harry knew about Horcruxes. He was old enough to pass that period in canon but instead he pulled this forced explanation that a 17 year old Bella figured it out magicly. I really don't understand the motivations for some stupid decisions in this story sometimes.

Styx0444
08-13-2011, 06:02 PM
....Wait. Didn't Harry meet Voldemort in the Riddle house already, a few chapters back?

KrzaQ
08-13-2011, 06:07 PM
Yes, and he barely escaped alive.

Styx0444
08-13-2011, 07:14 PM
So what turn of logic or bad writing involves the idea, 'There must be a Horcrux there, lets go back, nothing could possibly go wrong'?

Luckylee
08-13-2011, 07:28 PM
Bi Polar Ass Authors logic.

Styx0444
08-13-2011, 07:48 PM
*sigh* Well, it may have turned to shit, but at least I'll have an excuse to sing 'Lets Do The Time Warp Again'.

Nogan
08-14-2011, 04:18 PM
....Wait. Didn't Harry meet Voldemort in the Riddle house already, a few chapters back?
Back in chapter 14? That was in the "Gaunt Estate" (that's what Voldemort called it in the invitation). Though "How did you know about this place?" would have been lulz if the meeting had been in the Riddle house.

Nargles
08-14-2011, 10:12 PM
According to Lord Silvere, Harry and Bellatrix will be traveling twenty years in the future in the current AU.

He had this to say in his Yahoo! Group:

WARNING!: Spoiler alert!

> Harry and Bellatrix's next stop is about 20 years into the future. Fortunately
for Harry, the wound won't kill him, though it will make him ill for quite a
bit.
>
> The hair ornament is not a precision instrument and it is largely controlled
by "fate" which seeks to maintain a balance between Harry and Voldemort. (Thus,
Harry and Voldemort switched wands, some folks were born on different dates,
etc.)
>
> The prophecy I tacked to the end of the last chapter is the prophecy that is
given in place of the original, at nearly the same time, though perhaps a year
or so later.
>
> Contrary to what some have suggested, Dumbledore won't be able to readily
interpret it because Harry and Bellatrix to him are now presumed missing and
very probably dead. (Not to the bank, however. I think I covered that one in the
story.)
>
> So, when Harry arrives in the future, he will encounter a little bit of an
Alternate-Boy-Who-Lived-Who-Isn't-Actually-the-Boy-Who-Lived situation.
>
> So what's the point of the Yahoo group?
>
> I'm not sure that posting scenes from between H/B's disappearance and
reappearance would go well in the Delenda Est story proper. On the other hand, I
think it's interesting to know what has happened in their absence.
>
> Thus, I'm looking at the possibility of posting these in between scenes here
at this group. What scenes might I do?
>
> 1) Dumbledore and Moody wondering where H/B are.
> 2) Aftermath of the new prophecy.
> 3) The Diary is let loose on Hogwarts even though the basilisk is dead.
> 4) The Order has tension over trying to figure out to whom the prophecy
applies.
>
> ETC.
>
> I don't know how you guys feel about that, but that is tentatively the plan
for me while I work on firming up the future in my mind and finalizing the plot.
>
> I'm also open to discussion about other things.
>
> All the best,
>
> LS
>

T3t
08-14-2011, 11:12 PM
Eh... at least it wasn't back to the past again. Still, I really don't like it. Thought it may have just been the crappy quality of the latest chapter, I feel like this is making additional conflict for the sake of conflict, not because it'll be a better story. It's not like Harry had much of an advantage over Voldemort in the first place..

Tenages
08-14-2011, 11:41 PM
That honestly sounds god-awful

Nargles
08-14-2011, 11:45 PM
Methinks the quality of the story started decreasing over the summer. IIRC, Lord Silvere started updating on a weekly basis that, quite frankly, surprised me. I mean, I remember creaming myself whenever the story updated before he started with those spitfire updates of his.

He also said something about starting law school this fall, so perhaps he just wanted to get Part 1 of the story done. It would explain the whole quantity-over-quality thing we've been seeing over the last few months.


On a side note:
T3t: What the hell are doing posting in this thread for? I'm waiting for my Thunderstorm update!
Damnit! You promised us biweekly updates and I want my Voldebabe!!! :awesome

T3t
08-15-2011, 12:01 AM
In progress, bro:facepalm

Hopefully by next Monday - 12 days.

Oruma
08-15-2011, 01:43 AM
-snip-

I'm actually thinking they might've gone to the future and had to deal with one where what they'd done actually somehow allowed Voldemort to win the war.
Half-right. Yay me.

Dark-Stallion
08-15-2011, 09:02 AM
Fuck sake, I was always a massive fan of this, probably because of my massive crush on Helena Bone-her Carter, and now it's going to shit. Time-travel fics are often pathetically drab because explaining the mechanics of time-travel in a believable way is so difficult that most of us just accept any pathetic deus-ex-machina as what it is and get on with the plot. Now we've got to go through this again, and by now the plot has become less interesting so, inveriably, it's going to suck balls. I hope I'm wrong.

Rynonis
08-15-2011, 06:36 PM
Personally I feel like one of the authors is better than the other one and that leads to the piss poor updates and the flashes of brilliance.

Styx0444
08-15-2011, 06:53 PM
Personally I feel like one of the authors is better than the other one and that leads to the piss poor updates and the flashes of brilliance.

Yes. Welcome to twenty pages ago, before the author showed up and revealed that he was really just bipolar as hell.

darklordavion
08-15-2011, 08:28 PM
What the fuck?

All those hours reading the story for this BS? I'd rather read Harry and Bella trying to fight off Voldemort and also get reactions to Harry being Lord Black...

WTF is the author thinking?

Socialist
08-17-2011, 01:29 AM
my massive crush on Helena Bone-her Carter

What is this? A Bellatrix/Lockhart movie (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120861/)?!

Do want.

(Bonus appearance of Poppy Pomphrey)

Rynonis
08-17-2011, 03:30 AM
Yes. Welcome to twenty pages ago, before the author showed up and revealed that he was really just bipolar as hell.

Not gonna run through 25 pages of comments for a story lol my bad.

Styx0444
08-17-2011, 03:36 AM
Not gonna run through 25 pages of comments for a story lol my bad.

Dude, it was mentioned something like five posts above yours. And it's in the thread's tags.

The Berkeley Hunt
08-17-2011, 05:50 AM
Dude, it was mentioned something like five posts above yours. And it's in the thread's tags.

Mentioned as 'Bi-polar ass authors'. Not really his mistake, especially considering the story...

Styx0444
08-17-2011, 07:07 AM
Mentioned as 'Bi-polar ass authors'. Not really his mistake, especially considering the story...

Yeah, alright, fair enough. I'll quit rage-derping for now.

Felur
08-17-2011, 12:19 PM
One of the worst chapters. I think that the main reason for it that the authors wanted to finish the Part 1 quickly. Therefore they put remaining parts of the plot (more happening here than in two average chapters) in this chapter and they did not even bother polishing thoroughly. Of course it caused a huge quality drop. It is not a really promising atitude...
Reading the plans for the Part 2 (new time travel!) I have no high expectations for the fic anymore. It seems that they are just wasting the potential the story initially had.

Rynonis
08-18-2011, 03:03 AM
One of the worst chapters. I think that the main reason for it that the authors wanted to finish the Part 1 quickly. Therefore they put remaining parts of the plot (more happening here than in two average chapters) in this chapter and they did not even bother polishing thoroughly. Of course it caused a huge quality drop. It is not a really promising atitude...
Reading the plans for the Part 2 (new time travel!) I have no high expectations for the fic anymore. It seems that they are just wasting the potential the story initially had.

And yet sadly we continue to read because it is the best Harry/Bellatrix story that is currently active ;p

aaltwal
08-18-2011, 07:40 AM
And yet sadly we continue to read because it is the best Harry/Bellatrix story that is currently active ;p


Don't you forget Only Enemies. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2896398/1/Only_Enemies)

Thaumologist
08-18-2011, 08:20 AM
That hasn't been updated in over two years though!

There's also Ouroboros (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6927447/1/Ouroboros), and VotN said a month back he was 14 out of 18k words done on it.

Innomine
08-18-2011, 08:20 AM
I think that the key part of that post was currently active.

Thaumologist
08-18-2011, 09:22 AM
He stopped? Last I spoke to him, it was still going...

Greener
08-18-2011, 09:56 AM
He stopped? Last I spoke to him, it was still going...



Edit: Ah, you were talking about Ouroboros (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6927447/1/Ouroboros), weren't you? I thought you meant Only Enemies, so nevermind...

Rynonis
08-18-2011, 04:01 PM
Don't you forget Only Enemies. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2896398/1/Only_Enemies)

What everyone else said about the word active....

Ray
08-22-2011, 07:16 PM
Harry and Bellatrix's next stop is about 20 years into the future. Fortunately for Harry, the wound won't kill him, though it will make him ill for quite abit.

Haha, oh wow. I thought you guys were jumping the gun with all that rage after the latest chapter, but that was before I was aware the author had said this. The bolded sentence screams "I am out of ideas", then proceeds to cut itself and write those same words in blood on the nearest wall.

Styx0444
08-22-2011, 08:36 PM
The bolded sentence screams "I am out of ideas", then proceeds to cut itself and write those same words in blood on the nearest wall.

Nah, that'd be cool. The sentence screams 'I made some mistakes earlier, so what contrived plot device can I use to save my ass from rewriting a couple chapters?' Then proceeds to write 'I R Dumb herp derp' across it's own chest in feces.

Greener
09-03-2011, 03:42 PM
New chapter, fairly well written too. The author(s) has created an interesting setup and I'm looking forward to what Harry/Bella (more specifically Bella) do in the new time.

Styx0444
09-03-2011, 04:36 PM
New chapter, fairly well written too. The author(s) has created an interesting setup and I'm looking forward to what Harry/Bella (more specifically Bella) do in the new time.

Well, if the rest of the story is anything to go by, they'll set up a bunch of interesting subplots, then use a badly thought out idea while trying to be clever, followed by a rousing number of lets do the time warp again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7W3LCEFMxs&feature=related), making all the setup pointless.

Ah well, at least now I have an excuse to dig out The Rocky Horror Picture Show on days other then Halloween.

KrzaQ
09-03-2011, 05:08 PM
I liked it pretty well until the last scene. But well, it's about only HP/Bella still updating, and one of two worth reading at all, so...

Thaumologist
09-03-2011, 05:13 PM
Oh god, alt!sister with psychometry...

at least there was an update, which I am kinda glad about. Even if not much really happened.

FreakLord
09-03-2011, 05:55 PM
After reading the last chapter, I have only one thing to say.

LET THERE BE INCEST.

Can't resist the temptation of Harry/Bella/Lily/Rose/Sidra

EinStern
09-03-2011, 06:24 PM
I don't know why everyone is so obsessed about Harry getting it on with his mother or any alternate reality sisters or female versions of himself, only that I approve of the notion.

Pirazy
09-03-2011, 06:35 PM
It's the car crash that keeps on crashing. Interesting start but then it spirals into whatthefuckery with the psychic Potter.

Lets see where this goes..

T3t
09-03-2011, 07:07 PM
This was supposed to be good? Writing was pretty average... Forgive me if I find it hard to believe that the war is still being waged 25 years later.

Anarchy
09-03-2011, 07:49 PM
I think the author forgot that this story was not a heap of shit like Earl of the North, so now he's trying to make them both giant heaps, and doing a pretty good job at it.

klackerz
09-04-2011, 05:07 AM
If this chapter doesn't count as a cheap way for the author to get Harry and Bellatrix to marry,I don't know what does.

Also wtf was with the random Potter with psychic powers.

Heather_Sinclair
09-04-2011, 08:59 AM
If this chapter doesn't count as a cheap way for the author to get Harry and Bellatrix to marry,I don't know what does.

Also wtf was with the random Potter with psychic powers.


While I agree with this, I think we've come to expect far too much out of this author or authors as the case may be. There are some elements that I look at in this story and cringe (random psychic Potter, et al.), but this is still one of the best Bellatrix/Harry stories out there.

There are far too many elements already introduced into what was once a complex story. It seems to be the author's habit of eliminating those elements when they become problems, so he/she/they don't have to deal with them any longer.

In other words, he writes himself into a corner and then kills people because he doesn't know what else to do with them, or jumps back to the future to avoid the tangled mess that the political aspect was becoming, or gets the marriage contract done and over with because it was becoming a tired plotline.

Frankly I was wishing that he'd just get the contract over with and move on. Look at the badly written wedding scene we've avoided. Now we get to see the badly written shy!Harry scene with the overly aggressive sexy!Bella scenes. Poor outlining and poor planning is to blame, methinks.

While it's not the 4.5-5 story we first read, I still like it, and would like it even more if Random psychic Potter were to accidentally fall down the stairs and break her neck, so as to not suffer anymore of that drivel.

I still rate this story a 3.5-4

SchwarzeSonne
09-04-2011, 09:00 AM
I really enjoyed it.

True Incest sounds nice, lol.

I am very interested to see how Harry will have his first appearance.


@T3t

You are right, the war waged for 25 years, but Dumbledore and his Order of the Chicken, had more information.
And Black and Malfoy in the Ministry have changed more.

aaltwal
09-04-2011, 10:56 AM
I enjoy reading this fic, however this time travel again to the future feels like he just threw away the world he carefully built in the past chapters. It was engrossing- the politics, the power plays and the key players and their agendas.

Cxjenious
09-06-2011, 04:37 PM
This is what happens when you write without an outline. There are still parts of this fic I like, but the reality of it falls far short of it's potential. Harry Potter fanfic's, meet Kwame Brown.

KrzaQ
09-26-2011, 03:11 PM
WHAT THE FUCK, AUTHOR?

This story turned terrible with this chapter. I think I've been pretty understanding before, but the latest chapter... I felt like reading a brand new fic. A lame one. Fuckload of OCs, boring interactions between teenagers, stupid Dumbledore... I'm afraid I lost hope for this fic.

T3t
09-26-2011, 03:56 PM
Yeah, this pretty much sucked. Terrible characterization of Dumbledore where before it had been somewhat decent, stupid OCs that are hard to keep track of, and basically nothing of importance happens.

Pirazy
09-26-2011, 04:22 PM
My dislike of the Potter/Black brats burns with the fiery passion of a moderately sized campfire. Who are these OC's and why the hell should I care about their obnoxius behavior?

Anyone wanna bet that once Harry is back on his feet he'll still be a tree-hugging, indecisive child with a pussy phobia? He even managed to infect Bellatrix with his pacifist retardedness, the old Bellatrix would have cursed the shit out of those kids for having the audicity to try and dictate terms to her. And then tortured the information out of them.

Sechrima
09-26-2011, 06:13 PM
Yeah, character development, where it exists in this fic, is bogus. Harry needs to harden the fuck up. But even aside from that, this fic has turned into a steaming heap of turd with the last few chapters.

Styx0444
09-26-2011, 06:40 PM
As dissapointed as I am, I'll keep reading it just to see how many more jumps to the left this fic takes.

The Berkeley Hunt
09-26-2011, 11:23 PM
Eh, I didn't hate the chapter. I didn't love it, but it wasn't nearly bad enough to inspire fiery passion of any kind. I'll definitely continue reading, but the criticisms mentioned do apply, so heres hoping for a little more edge in the next chapter.

Peace
09-27-2011, 01:44 AM
Yeah, this pretty much sucked. Terrible characterization of Dumbledore where before it had been somewhat decent, stupid OCs that are hard to keep track of, and basically nothing of importance happens.

Totally agree with this. Keeping track of all of the OCs is annoying as all fuck. About the only thing I liked in the chapter was that Voldemort was scarred from the fight with Cygnus and Romulus.

Anarchy
09-27-2011, 05:17 AM
Well, if this story was already circling the toilet, it now sits firmly (and messily) in shit heap central. It used to be an easy 4+ stars, now I don't think it's much more than 2.

Alive and Free
09-28-2011, 12:34 AM
I just realised that there'd been an update and read it and now I almost wish that I hadn't. It took reading this chapter and the last one to figure out who the OCs were and I'm still not sure that I've got it straight. I'll keep reading but only because I hate leaving anything, books or fanfics, unfinished once I'm this far in.

Felur
09-28-2011, 06:11 AM
I disagree with the most "reviewer", it is a pretty average chapter for this fic.
I think that we overrated the story initially thats why we are complaining now. The buildup seemed to be interesting and original but nothing came out from it. From the 27(?) chapters only 3 or 4 were really good.
Although some of the OCs (they do not bother me, at least they show the impact of Harry's visit in the past) are a little bit Mary Sue, Dumbledore should consider Rose's(?) opinion (but his conclusion about prophecy not illogical) and finally Bellatrix gave too much information to the kids, there is nothing inherently wrong with the latest update.
There is a much greater fault in the fic, it is the 20 years stalemate in the civil war. I found it impossible, in a such terrorist type conflict one side should have already won.

Cxjenious
10-02-2011, 08:16 AM
No, actually, this is pretty much shit. "I've studied prophecy far longer than you, little girl, so therefore you can't be right."

Totally un-Dumbledore-ish.

It seems to me like every character in this fic is an OC, random Potters and Blacks notwithstanding.

Andro
10-04-2011, 09:31 PM
Looks like my decision to stop following this story was justified.

/called it

CrackedMind
10-04-2011, 10:43 PM
I used to love this fic. And then the author's mental state became readily apparent through his work. I though that this was one of the only good B/HP stories I had read in a while, but now it's just meh.

I think I'll follow Andro on this and stop reading, though god knows why I haven't already.

TheWiseTomato
10-05-2011, 12:58 AM
Because despite its descent from good story to steaming pile of meh, there are many, many, many worse fics out there. I'd say this one still hovers around the Barely Recommendable.


/me just came back from FFN story search with the entire first page full of slash and self insert fics.

Tehlaziboi
10-05-2011, 01:03 AM
...You do know that there's a filter for all that now right?

TheWiseTomato
10-05-2011, 01:33 AM
moatra's? Yeah, computer I'm on atm doesn't like it. Given that it's quite aged, it doesn't like much of anything though.

Meneldur
10-05-2011, 10:16 AM
New chapter was bad, but not utterly nonredeemable. Albus was downgraded, but seeing as his prophecy is really crappy and he didn't take advice from children in canon, it's not that big of a deal.
The OC's are annoying. But I still hope that once Harry gets better, Bella will snap out of it and punish them for being snot-nosed shits, and just for being Potters/Blacks.

Trig
12-16-2011, 11:57 AM
Updated. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/28/)

Decent chapter, gives me hope that the author didn't screw everything up and is still able to bring this story to an acceptable conclusion. I would've preferred if they stayed in the past though.

Heather_Sinclair
12-16-2011, 01:36 PM
Updated. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/28/)

Decent chapter, gives me hope that the author didn't screw everything up and is still able to bring this story to an acceptable conclusion. I would've preferred if they stayed in the past though.

I think if the author/s took out the irrelevant/annoying OC scenes, and rewrote the bland (I'm married now, might as well make out), pre-honeymoon couch scene, it would have been better.

Also, I can't picture Voldemort being unnerved by an apparent ghost. It made absolutely no sense whatsoever. I can see being distracted by the ghost image momentarily, but that's it.

EinStern
12-16-2011, 04:01 PM
It was... a decent chapter. Not good, not bad. Just decent. I'd rate it at three stars.

T3t
12-16-2011, 04:09 PM
Better than the previous chapters, but it's still based on a pile of shit. It'll be a long, hard slog to a decent ending, and frankly he should have scrapped the last few chapters and rewritten them entirely. But whatever.

oakes
12-16-2011, 04:42 PM
Damn I hate the new OCs. It's like reading one of those new generation fics.

Pirazy
12-16-2011, 05:43 PM
Holy shit we're back to the future and about to wage war against the Dark Lord! Quick, lets get some snotnosed brats from Hogwarts to boss us around, hell, we might as well tell them our super-secret identities and let them tell their snotnosed friends! We'll worry about the secrecy afterwards. :facepalm

It'll be interesting to see if Harry will actually try to win the war this time, instead of spending his time dicking around doing useless shit that doesn't affect anything. Third time's the charm. Way to waste that advantage of surprise though, the explosions alone would have been good enough as a distraction, maybe have someone pose as Dumbledore standing outside the gates and calling Voldemort a total fuckface to get his attention. That whole ghost-projection was completely pointless and just gave Voldemort advanced notice of Harry and Bella still being alive.

Palurien
12-16-2011, 06:43 PM
It really is a shame that Harry ran out of magical energy just when he needed it.

Srsly.

CrackedMind
12-17-2011, 05:05 PM
I'd say this is his worst chapter in awhile. :/

Bella sounds over the top, and shows none of the brains or cleverness that made me enjoy this story in the beginning.

The one prophesied Potter girl (I don't care enough to remember her name) sounds much like a WBWL twin would sound like, and I'm pretty much annoyed by all of the OCs.

Even when it jumped the shark, I refused to rate it, but this is pushed me over the edge.

1/5.

The Berkeley Hunt
12-17-2011, 11:48 PM
Eh, I agree about Sidra(sp?) but Bella wasn't annoying at all really. Its still easily on my reading list, if not at the top.

Nauro
12-19-2011, 02:48 AM
This fic is somewhat good and bad at the same time. it has it's moments, when you are interested what is going to happen and the general idea is... i almost said plausible, but i think the word is believable enough.

The other times this evolves slow, strangely and has elements it could do without.
I don't have such a dislike with a last few chapters as others seem to, but still, they are subparish.

With the rating, I have no good idea how to place it.. 3.25/5, mayhap?

Nauro

oakes
12-20-2011, 02:10 PM
It'll be interesting to see if Harry will actually try to win the war this time, instead of spending his time dicking around doing useless shit that doesn't affect anything. Third time's the charm. Way to waste that advantage of surprise though, the explosions alone would have been good enough as a distraction, maybe have someone pose as Dumbledore standing outside the gates and calling Voldemort a total fuckface to get his attention. That whole ghost-projection was completely pointless and just gave Voldemort advanced notice of Harry and Bella still being alive.

Heh. Actually I liked the political aproach he took when he came back to past, it was a good try.

Luckylee
12-21-2011, 01:33 AM
He wasn't bold enough with the political approach imo.

Jarik
12-21-2011, 01:43 AM
I agree with everyone that while it was an improvement over the last few chapters, it's still very average and certainly not at the standard it was earlier on.

Pirazy
12-21-2011, 10:03 AM
Heh. Actually I liked the political aproach he took when he came back to past, it was a good try.
I liked it too, seeing as how it was written by the more talented half of the authors split personality. Then the shittier half took over and the story got bogged down by passivepussyphobia!Harry running from Death Eaters and Bellatrix' amorous advances.

Fuck that.

Fogo
12-21-2011, 04:51 PM
This started out as one of my favorite stories, I had never read a good political!Harry and this seemed to be shaping up to be it, but then it started to concentrate more on the Harry/Bella relationship and then on the little Potter and Black OC who mostly just piss me off. I do agree however that this chapter was an improvement, but it's still not up to the initial standards I came to like.

Deadsomeone
12-21-2011, 11:10 PM
Yeah, I jumped ship when the OCs where first introduced.

Elsworth
01-18-2012, 09:40 AM
This past chapter reminded me too much of the old Spiderman comics. Spiderman, using his precious web canisters, is slinging along the city, fighting bad guys, procrastinating on refilling his cans when all of a sudden, random bad guy JUST AS HIS WEB RUNS OUT. I hope this "SUDDEN OBSTACLE CREATED BY AUTHOR" plot device isn't used again as I would like to pretend that the author had some respect for the intelligence of his readers.

ShadowStorm666
01-21-2012, 12:02 PM
I actually like the story a lot
But I really didn't like the part about Bella just forgetting to get the wand from Ginny.And the OC's, All of them are annoying and there are way too many of them.
And is it just me or are they just getting stupider the longer it gets. What reason did the two of them have to announce his presence especially since he isn't even at full power.
The author hasn't updated for a month now So I'm really hoping for a return to the high standards the fic began with.

KrzaQ
02-20-2012, 08:53 PM
Updated (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/30/)

It's much better once it stops focusing on shitty OCs.

Warheart
02-20-2012, 10:57 PM
Is Harry becoming Batman?

Seriously, why would he simply scare the Deatheaters when he can do some real damage?

Pirazy
02-21-2012, 01:36 AM
Is Harry becoming Batman?

Seriously, why would he simply scare the Deatheaters when he can do some real damage?
Because while he managed to rid himself of the pussy phobia in less time than it took to read this sentence (Srsly, he went from "nooo I don't wanna~" to loving husband in the blink of an eye) he is still very much a complete pussy. Also, the idea of this Harry giving the ruthless Bellatrix advice on how to run a war when he's the goddamn idiot who takes prisoners alive so the ministry can release them is fucking hilarious.

Alive and Free
02-21-2012, 01:48 AM
I don't know why I read this fic. It's like watching a train wreck- you know something bad's going to happen but you just can't look away.

Flayer
02-21-2012, 07:57 PM
I've enjoyed the previous chapters well enough, but the newer ones make me cringe a bit inside when I read certain parts. Granted, the newest chapter is a lot better than the ones starring the OCs. Bellatrix and Harry getting transported to the future doesn't bother me anymore, but I can't help but wonder how they would have handled the war if they didn't travel forward in time.

The only thing that really irked me in this chapter the beginning scene with Hermione, Dumbledore, Flitwick, and the cube.

For me, there isn't much of a pull to keep reading new updates, but I do anyway. Despite all its flaws, it is still one of the best (and longest) Harry/Bella's out there.

f4Ze
02-21-2012, 08:51 PM
The biggest problem I'm finding with it now is the really dry writing style. It may have always been dry and only masked by the interesting characters that were in the past but it's really coming through strong now. It kind of reminds me of A Champion's New Hope (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5244813/1/A_Champions_New_Hope) in it's lack of style and personality but at least a passable plot.

Tareth
02-25-2012, 12:42 PM
I think that that LS is trying to retcon his work in the middle of the story. He seems to have either this thread and seems to have made Harry less of a wuss. It seems kind of unatural, and I agree he seems to have made a huge shift in personality over one chapter. It seems really odd.

Innomine
02-25-2012, 05:11 PM
Considering that he has posted (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/search.php?searchid=2343213) in this thread before, I think it's quite likely that he has read it.

KrzaQ
04-29-2012, 04:42 PM
Updated (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/31/)

A pretty good update, but I don't see why Bellatrix shared the secret of the spell with the Order.

Trig
04-29-2012, 05:37 PM
Updated (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/31/)

A pretty good update, but I don't see why Bellatrix shared the secret of the spell with the Order.

Either as a small concession on her part to gain some sort of trust or to reinforce the belief that it's indeed a spell. At least that'd be my guess.

Decent update, the conversations between Harry and Bella were a little bit too witty and quick in their comebacks, which I actually like, but otherwise a believable interaction.

KrzaQ
04-29-2012, 05:43 PM
Sure, but they know how leaky the Order is, and they definitely don't want the Death Eaters to think it's a spell.

Fatality
04-29-2012, 10:22 PM
Not sure if this has been brought up before, but am I the only one who has a problem with the way Bellatrix speaks in this story? I mean, I get it - she's a proper pureblood lady, she speaks formally, etc. However, she speaks like a fucking robot - even to her own husband in private.

I think the biggest part is that she doesn't use contractions. It just doesn't sound natural at all.

Nauro
04-30-2012, 02:16 AM
The above three "spoilers" are too vague to need spoiler tags - but whatever floats your boat.

The is the fake quality to Bellatrix character throughout the fic, I guess you just start not seeing that in a while. Then again, it is annoying at some places, but not too much.

I'm kind of interested when Harry is going to return to the main scene of events, as past few chapters are really more centered on Bellatrix.

silverlasso
04-30-2012, 04:11 AM
I'm kind of interested when Harry is going to return to the main scene of events, as past few chapters are really more centered on Bellatrix.

This. It's been sort of interesting, but let's face it, it's better when Harry is actually involved and doing things. If the next chapter continues to have Harry just chilling and hiding, I will be disappoint.

Pirazy
04-30-2012, 06:44 AM
More of the same, Harry continues his Dumbuerilla tactics which consists of stunning as few as possible while letting the rest escape and handing over the captives to the ministry. The last time he did that the ministry let them go because blablabla, he should know by now that handing Death Eaters over to the ministry is pointless because they'll either be let go or sent to a prison Voldemort can raid whenever he feels like it, and pick up a bunch of Dementor's while he's there.

Hopefully Bellatrix will start murdering Death Eaters by the dozen while Harry is doing his pussying around in Albania, or maybe she has become infected enough with Harry's retarded sentimentality to let herself get wounded, prompting Harry to finally pick up his balls and man the fuck up.

KrzaQ
06-18-2012, 02:26 AM
Updated (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/32)

More action, promise of even more next chapter. A good chapter.

pdgrunge
06-19-2012, 10:45 AM
new chapter cant wait to see Mrs.malfoy's reaction

Cxjenious
06-19-2012, 12:17 PM
Shit chapter in a shit story. Why is Harry still pretending to be dead?

gbbz
06-19-2012, 01:26 PM
Why is it still in the library? It was fine when it started, but after the time shift it went down ridiculously fast.

I can't get into it.

oakes
06-19-2012, 04:44 PM
I can't even force myself to read anymore. Bellatrix isn't that old herself to begin with I get it, but those brats still annoy the shit out of me.

Xandrel
06-19-2012, 05:18 PM
I liked this story while it happened in the past, after the time shift, I stopped liking it.
In my humble opinion, returning to the "present" was a mistake.

And that's about it.

Flayer
06-19-2012, 09:41 PM
I've been skimming most of the chapters post-timeskip, so I'm probably missing some facts. But Bella is way too mild; it's basically an OC wearing her skin. Rose annoys the hell out of me (that was probably the authors' intention), and frankly I think Bella should have at least maimed her by now. The other children are bearable, but I don't understand why she's cooperating with them.

No idea what Harry's doing. The 'ghost of Harry Ashworth' idea was cool the first time, not so much now. The fact that Bella shared the spell with Lily, and offered to teach it to Molly really bugged me.

I don't like this "Daughter of the Stars" prophecy. Hell, I never liked prophecies in general, even the one in canon.

Just some arbitrary thoughts on fic I'm not keeping up with anymore.

Heather_Sinclair
06-19-2012, 10:15 PM
I really and truly tried to to keep at this one. It was one of the only decent B/H fics out there. Even after the time change back to the future I hoped it was only a few bad transition chapters, but it's much more than that. The original idea was good, but it's simply fail now.

This latest chapter was one boring scene after another with virtually nothing happening of any consequence until the end and even that was a mediocre action scene. It's not that I need action time and again, but it would help of the story actually progressed instead repeating the same boring scenes again and again, just in different locations.

I'm done. It's gone from 4/5 to 2/5

Someone call me when they go back in time again or the last 5 chapters are deleted and replaced with an actual plot that progresses.

Nauro
07-10-2012, 02:14 AM
Actually, I laughed from Draco in the newest chapter, but it wasn't that good as it could have been.

Then, I thought about it for another minute, and did a quick search on Harry and Bellatrix in the fic.

This is the result of the names appearing through the chapters and the difference between them.
http://i.imgur.com/IJh1B.png

From chapter 26 onward, the fic's problem is obvious.

TheWiseTomato
07-20-2012, 02:43 AM
Latest chapter has Harry agonising over whether he should kill an enemy combatant on the battlefield or not, despite all the horrible deeds he surely must have committed. No longer following this fic.

Saot
07-20-2012, 01:50 PM
There's a pretty big gap between thinking that the world would be a better place without someone in it and being comfortable with choking them to death with your bare hands. He certainly didn't have any issues with killing the other Death Eaters when it wasn't quite so personal.

KrzaQ
07-20-2012, 06:15 PM
I can see Harry being a retard and agonizing about something so obvious. And it's good to finally have a chapter that focuses on the main characters.

Luckylee
07-20-2012, 11:01 PM
It's sad this story had such a good start and has now become this piece of crap. 1/5

TheWiseTomato
07-21-2012, 01:49 AM
Any person involved in a war should be more than comfortable choking a person to death with their bare hands someone who just tried to do the same to their wife. Doubly so for someone who knows the sort of deeds this person has perpetrated.

Kai Shek
07-23-2012, 09:00 AM
Latest chapter has Harry agonising over whether he should kill an enemy combatant on the battlefield or not, despite all the horrible deeds he surely must have committed. No longer following this fic.

Overreact much?

It was a thought that passed through him for a second as he was choking the life out of someone with his bare hands; he wasn't "agonising" over anything.

The writing seemed of lower quality than normal, but there are precious few fics that I'm even still following, and that scene was a shit excuse to drop this one.

The lover's spat was far more annoying imo.

Alive and Free
08-08-2012, 04:30 AM
Updated, not brilliantly, though I did find the chicken scene funny.

The last bit with Rose and Sidra was annoying - I'm not sure if he's going for sibling rivalry or what between those two.

KrzaQ
10-01-2012, 08:41 PM
Updated (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/36/). I liked it, although there was too much focus on the OCs again.

Nauro
10-02-2012, 07:55 AM
Just another chapter where Bella is the main character, Harry is a close second, but almost all the mentions of Harry have him standing guard or having conversations about Bellatrix and Leo.

It's seriously getting on my nerves, how a potentially interesting chapter looks boring, just because Bella and Harry being there for a challenge and looking at it the way they were, there really was no challenge at all. If the characters don't care about the obstacle as it is too easy, is there a point of writing about it at all?
It's not even an obstacle that could show us how awesome Bellatrix and Harry are, it's just something to have all the OC's in the view, and give screen time to Bellatrix.

The saddest thing is that I enjoy the bits where Draco is learning the basics of Muggle capitalism. More than anything else in that chapter, really.

Dark-Stallion
10-02-2012, 08:15 AM
So much potential to explore in this au, and they made it more crack!fic than anything else. Ah well, I still think pre-second time jump it was one of the better Harry-goes-back-to-the-past fics.

Russano
10-03-2012, 04:09 PM
If only this story would time travel a 3rd time to the point of the last instsance of time travel and stop it from happening.

This story used to be the only good Harry/Bella where they were both using each othre in the middle of political manueverings to Harry being Bella's bitch while she becomes domesticated and lame, and turns into the protagonist somehow.

The OCs used to be political figures that went about stopping the rise of Voldemort in an original way. Now the OCs are a bunch of retarded teenagers who for some inexplicable reason Harry/Bella sorta confide in. I have no interest in the new OC's as well as Ron/Hermoine. They just seem so misplaced with the original tone of the first half, which consisted mostly of 18 year old + character interactions.

Harry used to be alive and an actual protagonist. Now he's pretending to be dead, and he's doing such a good job of it, that he may as well be actually dead, because now he doesn't do anything.

Unfortunately I'm invested in this fic ><. The fact that pretty much everyone agrees the fic went downhill after the timeskip is pretty telling.

As for the latest chapter, I kept expecting Tom to break out or something, so that SOMETHING exciting would happen. It's like all the characters were just chillin, roastin zombies and shit.

Mercenary
10-07-2012, 09:57 PM
If only this story would time travel a 3rd time to the point of the last instsance of time travel and stop it from happening.

This story used to be the only good Harry/Bella where they were both using each othre in the middle of political manueverings to Harry being Bella's bitch while she becomes domesticated and lame, and turns into the protagonist somehow.

The OCs used to be political figures that went about stopping the rise of Voldemort in an original way. Now the OCs are a bunch of retarded teenagers who for some inexplicable reason Harry/Bella sorta confide in. I have no interest in the new OC's as well as Ron/Hermoine. They just seem so misplaced with the original tone of the first half, which consisted mostly of 18 year old + character interactions.

Harry used to be alive and an actual protagonist. Now he's pretending to be dead, and he's doing such a good job of it, that he may as well be actually dead, because now he doesn't do anything.

Unfortunately I'm invested in this fic ><. The fact that pretty much everyone agrees the fic went downhill after the timeskip is pretty telling.

As for the latest chapter, I kept expecting Tom to break out or something, so that SOMETHING exciting would happen. It's like all the characters were just chillin, roastin zombies and shit.
The fic feels likes its spinning its wheels.

I want to shout "DO SOMETHING ALREADY! The plot needs to move on! LETS GO ALREADY. Enough of this farting around with schoolchildren stuff."

It worked in canon because Harry WAS a school kid.

Here its got two adults (or one and an almost adult I forget) farting around with kids.

WHY?

For what forsaken reason is there for them to involve 4 kids that more than likely to run back to Dumbledore to spill everything.

Just... WHY?

KrzaQ
10-09-2012, 01:07 PM
Updated (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/37/). The fic is definitely not as awesome as before the second time jump, but the last few chapters are a fairly decent read.

Mercenary
10-09-2012, 01:49 PM
Updated (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/37/). The fic is definitely not as awesome as before the second time jump, but the last few chapters are a fairly decent read.
I dunno. This new chapter still feels like its just faffing about.

GET ON WITH IT ALREADY

Dark-Stallion
10-09-2012, 01:56 PM
The "fight" scene in the RoR was absolutely terrible. It's a shared project, isn't it? Whoever wrote the other battle scenes should stick to it, because it was quite painful to read "Harry used a banisher. The pixies were banished. But they came back. The diadem grew legs. Harry called for help. Hermione used a banisher. Then she burned them."

pdgrunge
10-09-2012, 01:58 PM
Agreed and it used to be one of the best stories i read
Only thing to make it beeter is rewriting it from ehen they came in future as far as i can see

Russano
10-09-2012, 06:36 PM
Why the hell does Dumbledore want Bella to teach Dark Arts to Hermoine and the others. HE probably knows more than anyone but Voldemort, especially since this is timetravel Bella that only went to 6th year, not super psycho dark arts sidekick Bella.

Same with the dueling, YOU HAVE A DUELING CHAMPION AS A TEACHER AT YOUR SCHOOL. In canon Dumbledore didn't do shit to help Harry learn magic, and that was when he knew it would be Harry vs Voldemort. In this story they aren't even main characters and Dumbledore is dicking around wtih them, involving them with horcruxes and teaching them magic. If Bella is gonna teach people important dark arts shit, it should definately be order members or something.


and...wow...just...wow. The RoR...holy shit. I guess marriage really does change people, because Bella must of taken Harry's balls and masculinity away or something. He fucking lost to shit he fought in 2nd/3rd year. WTF

and I'm pretty sure that was literally the worst defense a Horcrux has ever had, not to mention it just screams "Hi, i'm an important dark artifact come check me and my terrible defenses out".

Does anyone else feel like some old geezer on a porch bitching about the old days when they talk about this story?

Kai Shek
10-09-2012, 07:34 PM
I kind of agree. Instead of Harry falling in love with Bellatrix, I think the authors have; because this has become very focused on Bellatrix when it really didn't need to be.

Bellatrix teaching Hermione is more about Dumbledore trying to get Bellatrix to trust Hermione in a way that Bellatrix has not opened up to him.

But the RoR requirements scene was completely asinine. As soon as the Dementors appeared, I and just about every reader knew that they were boggarts, but for some reason it took Harry about 3 mins to piece the clues together.

Nauro
10-10-2012, 07:11 AM
Whenever Harry gets to do something he either fails, or is in Bellatrix disguise.

Why am I still reading this, again?

Shouldabeenadog
10-11-2012, 12:17 AM
I don't know. Last chapter was the last straw for me. Studying>this fic for me now.

Which is really depressing, I used to really like this.

Pirazy
10-11-2012, 09:34 AM
Congratulations Harry, you're just slightly worse than Lockheart.

Mercenary
10-13-2012, 07:05 PM
I kind of agree. Instead of Harry falling in love with Bellatrix, I think the authors have; because this has become very focused on Bellatrix when it really didn't need to be.

Bellatrix teaching Hermione is more about Dumbledore trying to get Bellatrix to trust Hermione in a way that Bellatrix has not opened up to him.

But the RoR requirements scene was completely asinine. As soon as the Dementors appeared, I and just about every reader knew that they were boggarts, but for some reason it took Harry about 3 mins to piece the clues together.
It probably went downhill right around the time when Harry "died"

As a consequence of being out of the "spotlight" as it is Bellatrix became the lead role.

Except perhaps the writers have forgotten that readers didnt exactly go to that fic to read about Bellatrix as the main character but Harry as the focus.

For me I'm going to wait one more chapter before dropping it.

Azotez
12-17-2012, 10:18 AM
Updated.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/38/Delenda-Est

Roarian
12-17-2012, 05:56 PM
Updated.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/38/Delenda-Est

Well, at least it's got a bunch of Harry stuff this time.

Nauro
12-20-2012, 03:31 PM
But he's still walking around looking like Bellatrix. Does that count?

Meerkats
12-20-2012, 06:52 PM
This used to be my favourite work in progress, I literally fanboy'ed over updates. The premise was pretty interesting and could have made it gold standard.... And then the second Time Travel thing happened.

It killed the entirety of the original premise for one and introduced seer!OC and prophecy!OC and countless other clichés for two. I still stuck around for the good ol' harry action (It's a damn good Harry, Harry Ashworth will forever remain as my favourite Harry persona ever), but as you all know Harry seems to be increasingly sidelined.

3/5 for sheer nostalgic value and kick-ass Harry Ashworth action. Oh and decent writing. The writing flows nicely even if the plot doesn't these days.

Rache
12-21-2012, 04:53 AM
Th author is weaving one plot after the other. I lost interest after Harry started Polyjuicing as Bellatrix.

Actually no, I lost interest as soon as the second timetravel triggered.

Cxjenious
12-21-2012, 11:41 AM
Why is it so necessary for Harry to remain hidden from everyone?

Russano
12-21-2012, 09:08 PM
Why is it so necessary for Harry to remain hidden from everyone?

Tension bro, tension.

Russano
12-24-2012, 07:06 PM
Updated again. Really liked this chapter. Plot advances considerably, ashworth revealed, decent action, and almost entirely Harry centric.

pdgrunge
12-25-2012, 10:39 AM
Nice chapter .
The best thing about the chapter is Harry is back in open again.
Cant wait to see reactions of order and ministry.

R. E. Lee
12-25-2012, 02:54 PM
Why is it so necessary for Harry to remain hidden from everyone? Harry answers this in the most recent update, though not satisfactorily in my opinion as he hasn't seemed to be bothered by his injury for several chapters. I assume that there is also the fact that they wanted a seat on the Wizengamot for Bellatrix, as Harry had no interest in politics and the Minister of Magic would never give her the seat if Harry was alive and he could give it to him.

His response when asked why he pretended to be dead:
"It was convenient," Harry confessed. "The injuries [Voldemort] inflicted on me in our last meeting were quite grievous. I've only recently recovered enough from them that I feel comfortable letting [Voldemort] know that I am alive."

pdgrunge
01-13-2013, 09:54 PM
Updated again

yak
05-13-2013, 12:32 AM
I re-read this recently and my opinion of it has improved. The first half of the story [ie. before the second time travel] is the most interesting part to me, but then it always was.

The second half of the story is a bit of a drag, but since re-reading I've really come to appreciate the characters of Rose and Sidra much more.

I'd been reading Delenda Est as each chapter updates, and so Rose, Sidra, and Leo just became the author's not-Harry replacement kids. There's such a long wait between chapters that I'd forget about them as characters by the time the next chapter came out and just thought of them as 'those OC kids'.

Rose and Sidra actually have very strong personalities. They're both brats, but they feel like sisters, and their characterisation is well done. Leo's not as well defined beyond being a companion of Rose's.

The latest chapters of Delenda Est don't interest me that much, and the most recent chapter [42. The Ghost of Bellatrix's Past Future] is a travesty. The author pulled a supremely cheap move and handed Harry the retard ball. It's easily the worst chapter in the entire fic. Lord Silvere should scrap it and re-think his approach to getting Bellatrix's hands on the truth of her canon timeline self.

Overall, 4/5. Barely. If I'd stopped reading at chapter 41, I'd be far more confident in that 4/5 score.

Tomster10010
05-13-2013, 10:55 PM
Snip

You've just convinced me to reread this.

Innomine
05-31-2013, 03:42 AM
Snip

Well, you convinced me to read this fic in it's entirity. I read it way back when it was first being written, up to chapter 15. After that I just followed this thread of hatred, and never bothered it pick it up again.

It's... I understand why so many people are disappointed in this. It had the potential to be incredibly awesome. Instead however, we got something that was 'decent' or 'ok'.

It's decent enough that I'll barely give it a 4. It's worth a read. And it looks like it'll be completed within the next 3-4 chapters, according to the author. I wouldn't really mind if it was barely accepted into the library, but in no way should this be in the DLP C2. That's how I'd it.

Chime
06-04-2013, 03:14 PM
Everything before ch 26 is interesting and well-executed. Instead of being sent to the future, the story could have just continued the natural course, with Harry killing Voldemort. The story would be over at something like chapter 35. Sure, it'd be a little more predictable, but I could say it was a well executed timetravel story that was actually finished and had a cohesive plot and reasonable characterization of Harry, Bellatrix, and the various political families.

Chapter 26 was a surprise. I wasn't expecting another time jump. It's not a bad plot idea in theory but in execution it's just awful.

I did like that Harry did marry Bellatrix in quite a literal weak moment, but ever since that scene Harry changed from cautious-time traveller with snark and reluctant methods to obedient, devoted, deeply loving husband of a manipulative two-dimensional mary sue.

The dyanamic of Harry/Bella was actually pretty interesting pre-26, I was curious to see how an actual marriage might develop. Instead, the marriage was forced by the plot and Harry just became the perfect husband as a result.

Everything plays out too conveniently and it's hard to care about the story by chapter 35 or so, because everything goes Harry's/Bellatrix's way. Too many scenes are about Dumbledore going, "Gosh darnit! Is Harry Ashworth alive or dead?" It was just awkward, reintegrating Harry into the magical world again.

What killed it for me is the scene that always kills time travel stories for me. Harry shared his memories and came clean. I think that any time travel story that has the protagonist reveal and provide proof for his travel kills the story outright. He abolishes all tension and mystery between the Order and him. It's fine if he does it in the last chapter of the story, but now that there's no conflict between him and the Order, scenes that involve those characters are utterly meaningless fluff.

It doesn't help that all of the children-characters (Leo, Rose, et cetera) are one-dismensional and without any compelling conflicts of their own. It's hard to even see Leo and Rose as potential lovers, with as little characterization as they get.

And that's what doesn't make sense for me. Why send Harry into the future for no other reason than for him to interact with people like Luna, Neville, the Potter scions, et cetera - there is no reason. None. So when they are very minor players in the plot against Voldemort - who the fuck cares? And when they have no meaningful characterization or conflicts that even concern Harry or Bellatrix - who the fuck cares? There was no advantage to sending Harry to the future if the author had no intention of making the children integral to the story. None. There wasn't even any foreshadowing that he would be returning to the future; all the writing in the beginning suggested that Harry didn't want to go back and never would. It's frustrating the potential this had all went down the drain.

pre chapter 26: 5/5, post chapter 26: 2/5 ; I'd say 4/5 as a final score, this could be in the library as it will be complete soon, and it's still a well-constructed time travel story... in places. The first part of great enough to be included on its own merits.

Nerdman3000
07-03-2013, 10:41 AM
Updated
(http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/44/Delenda-Est)
Interesting new chapter by the way, which also hints at Lily discovering that Harry is actually her son from an alternate timeline.

Lyrium
07-31-2013, 11:33 AM
Like many others I thought this fic had potential and certain chapters and concepts are great. However, it has descended quickly from the beginning. Then the romance between Harry and Bellatrix seems to be based on Bella abusing and or controlling him and not any chemistry.
Started off well, I don't bother reading it anymore.

Probellum
09-21-2013, 09:21 PM
This (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/46/) just finally finished.

sirius009
09-21-2013, 10:01 PM
Solid writing throughout and definitely an interesting epic. I enjoyed the ending but am disheartened by the fact that the author is going to write a sequel, I wish he'd focus on his Harry/Helena story.

Vesvius
09-21-2013, 10:12 PM
And, it ends with a whimper. A shame. It started off so well, but once it went back into the future it took a nosedive. It managed to level off, but never really got back to where it had been before the time skip.

Probellum
09-21-2013, 10:25 PM
Well, finished the chapter, took me a bit, because I currently have Pink Eye and had to rest my eyes every now and then, but w/e. Anyway, definitely not the best ending. The-fight-with-Voldemort-that-wasn't (As I'm calling it in my head and now here) was totally underwhelming. The talk with Harry's family about Harry being a Potter was completely horrible and basically relegated to three lines of dialogue.

All in all, the best part of this chapter was James complaining about Bellatrix's cooking, and only because the end of the scene made me give a brief chuckle.

yak
09-21-2013, 10:45 PM
A disappointingly bland end. Harry running low on magic and then magic being measured like a quantity of fuel just made me want to cry.

Saot
09-21-2013, 11:55 PM
That was one of the most thoroughly anticlimactic endings I've ever read.

kpjam
09-30-2013, 11:41 AM
5 stars for ending the fic; -4 stars for what was actually written.

While harping on the back to the future is easy, the fic really did just stop being good at that point. While a bit uneven, the part in the past was interesting with quite a bit of tension. When we get to the future, most of that is gone. Voldermort seems to almost be a side plot, but after everyone discovers Harry is alive there seems to be only side-plots in the story. The kids, which we spent so much time with just disappear, minus Sidra. And like others have said, the last chapter epilogue read more like a outline of a screenplay and a bad one at that.

ray243
10-02-2013, 12:25 PM
And, it ends with a whimper. A shame. It started off so well, but once it went back into the future it took a nosedive. It managed to level off, but never really got back to where it had been before the time skip.

Well, people who can write good opening doesn't necessary mean they have the ability to plot a good story. It's stories like this that makes you realise a good story requires the author to edit and re-write his story countless times.

yak
10-02-2013, 12:27 PM
a good story requires the author to edit and re-write his story countless times.

That really depends on the author.

ray243
10-17-2013, 01:21 PM
That really depends on the author.

Most good published stories went through countless amount of revision.

Warheart
10-27-2013, 02:24 PM
The author started a continuation of sorts to this with an unbelievably convoluted plot. The summery makes the story so specific with little wiggle room that I'll be surprized if it comes to a conclusion. And the quality of the writing itself hasn't improved. Its still soulless, bland and just a touch pretentious. Hopefully at least the plot will be semi interesting. Heres the link:

Para Bellum (http://http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9754483/1/Para-Bellum)

Fatality
10-27-2013, 06:13 PM
Your link was broken. (www.fanfiction.net/s/9754483/1/Para-Bellum) This was all I had to read from the story's summary to know this was something to avoid:

and there is a Pre-OotP dimension in between his dimension and the DE dimension

Idiot Rocker
10-27-2013, 09:59 PM
I literally regret taking ten seconds to read that summary. Talk about convoluted.

R. E. Lee
10-28-2013, 04:21 AM
I was going into it with an open mind, but now my head hurts. What the hell is that?

EDIT: Just read it. At best it's lackluster, and the problems with the plot being convoluted isn't made better in full. Also the "infamous Black triplets" are annoying and, frankly, more than a little creepy.