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craigery9700
11-19-2009, 10:18 AM
Title: Delenda Est
Author: Lord Silvere
Rating: T
Genre: General/Time Travel
Pairing: Harry/Bellatrix
Chapters: 40
Words: 343,929
Updated: January 13, 2013
Published: November 14, 2009
Status: WIP

Summary:

Harry is a prisoner, and Bellatrix has fallen from grace. The accidental activation of Bella’s treasured heirloom results in another chance for Harry. It also gives him the opportunity to make the acquaintance of the young and enigmatic Bellatrix Black.

Link:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/1/

Mostly posted it because i liked his first story way back when it was first posted. I also enjoy the Harry/Bellatrix ship.

Time travel fic, not sure i like the get the wand from family vault, hopefully, it doesn't have a list of being owned by super-powered ancestors, or that he suddenly finds out from the goblins he is the heir to several ancient magical lines. If it avoids those it could be a rather good fic, too early to give a number rating yet.


Checked by Minion, February 4, 2013

Lincos
11-19-2009, 10:24 AM
Care to give us a bit more information on the story from your point of view? I've seen this many times on FF.net when looking to see if there have been H/Bella updates, but the summary just never made it enticing enough to actually read.

Tehan
11-19-2009, 11:25 AM
too early to give a number rating yet.

Then too early to submit to For Review yet, you idiot.

Moeed
11-19-2009, 11:46 AM
Nice start. His last name is a nice touch and I like how Harry's shown to be mature. The coming Dumbledore talk though will either make or break the fic.

Random Shinobi
11-19-2009, 03:18 PM
This fic has potential.

Unfortunately that is mostly because I happen to like Harry/Bellatrix, and not because any real accomplishments on the fic's part. The characters are all OoC, and I'm half-way expecting Dumbledore to open the upcoming conversation by "What the hell were you doing, you motherfuckers?"

I will wait at least a few chapters more before rating the fic, but if I had to vote now, I would give it three stars.

Vir
11-19-2009, 08:52 PM
I like it, although I wish there was more than two chapters. I especially like the title "must be destroyed"

Andro
11-19-2009, 08:55 PM
Not bad at all. The author can't do witty banter to save his life, and Voldemort hunting down a few survivors after having destroyed the Order and the Ministry before executing Harry, the greatest existing threat, is contrived as hell.

The writing's generally good though.

3/5

Nuhuh
11-19-2009, 08:56 PM
I liked what is there of it so far. Level of writing is good, but not mindblowingly awesome. Environments are sparse and the general story telling is more or less skeletal. You don't really feel immersed. I feel that the introductory chapters are important in building the 'world' of the story, and that wasn't really done here.

I enjoy time travel fics and this seems like it will develop into a guilty pleasure if nothing else. Several cliches have already popped up, and like Random said characters are all oc.

I believe this will be Harry becomes his parent's teacher type deals, which is usually a turn off for me. Probably because I haven't seen it done well.

Anyway, just two chapters, it's got me interested enough to look for updates but I can't give it an endorsement yet. 3/5 as it stands, but I expect will go to 4/5.

Don E. Delivery
11-19-2009, 09:36 PM
I read it, but I can't say I was all that impressed with the first two chapters. As Andromalius said, the author is awful with witty banter - in fact, the dialogue is the worst part of the story thus far. It does have redeeming qualities and a potential to get better, but most of that comes due to the rare pairing.

Is the Earl of the North any good? Regardless, this one will probably follow a similar path as that story, no matter how the author says they are different.

I'll hold off on rating this, as it probably shouldn't be in For Review to start with, but if I had to, I wouldn't give it above a 3/5 as is.

Galleon
11-19-2009, 09:39 PM
Is the Earl of the North any good?

In 2006? Without a doubt

Now? Guilty pleasure at best

SmileOfTheKill
11-20-2009, 02:16 AM
This is COMPLETELY AVERAGE!!!!
awesome bold to make story remotely epic

crazyfoxdemon
11-20-2009, 05:38 AM
This is COMPLETELY AVERAGE!!!!
awesome bold to make story remotely epic

For now at any rate... It does have some potential to become a fairly good fic.... Just gotta wait and see how the author writes up the future chapters...

Nuhuh
11-20-2009, 08:50 AM
It updated. We have had the Dumbledore meets AU Harry scene.

So apparently young Bellatrix Black is a gestalt of Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and the twins, in the authors' words. (facepalm). Why is it that whenever there is someone curious about magic in HP fandom s/he has to be compared to Hermione. It would seem as if the only one actually interested in magic in all of Harry Potter was Hermione Granger and has forevermore claimed all rights to be excited about it. (/rant)

Anywho, for someone who has just sprung out of captivity from god knows how long Harry is way too well put together. Bellatrix is already flat, using muggle phrases and cussing - oh yes, there is love in the air. Abusive ooc lover stereotype here we come.

A couple of original characters were introduced and took up a lot of time in the chapter, I suppose they will be important.

So far my hopes for this getting better are not materializing. That said, it is three chapters long.

Andro
11-20-2009, 11:40 AM
So far my hopes for this getting better are not materializing. That said, it is three chapters long.

It doesn't matter whether this is three or thirty chapters, it won't get better.

2/5 now. Hopes got shot down remarkably fast.

Johnny Farrar
11-20-2009, 12:04 PM
An average story that might have been considered good a few years back.

2/5 from me as well.

Pyromaniac
11-20-2009, 01:06 PM
Why is it that whenever there is someone curious about magic in HP fandom s/he has to be compared to Hermione. It would seem as if the only one actually interested in magic in all of Harry Potter was Hermione Granger and has forevermore claimed all rights to be excited about it. (/rant)

As far as I can tell, the only people in canon that are remotely interested in and curious about magic are Voldemort and Hermione.

Anyway, while it's not library worthy, it's not heinous. I'll give it a 3/5 for the recycle bin.

Johnny Farrar
11-20-2009, 01:23 PM
As far as I can tell, the only people in canon that are remotely interested in and curious about magic are Voldemort and Hermione.

What about Dumbledore? Or perhaps Snape. Even the Marauders. All of them were curious and interested in magic.

Portus
11-20-2009, 02:15 PM
Uhh, I would think that when talking about canon characters interested in magic, the Weasley twins would spring to mind fairly quickly, what with all the, you know, inventing they did with their joke shop stuff.

SmileOfTheKill
11-20-2009, 02:37 PM
This is now BELOW AVERAGE!
Read what N wrote. I don't go for abusive girls in stories that act ooc.

Manatheron
11-21-2009, 02:19 AM
Good Potential, but is running some serious cliche' including Deus Ex time travel Device and 'UBER' wand.

3.5/5 if I rated it, but very much to short to do that.

Edit: 'Ladykiller' Harry is pretty standard for IndyTimeTravel!Harry stories too.

Pyromaniac
11-21-2009, 02:23 AM
Not so much magic for magic's sake. In what we see of Dumbledore, he's interested in redemption above all. Snape's interested in screwing a dead woman. The Marauders/Weasley twins are interested in pranks.

Actually, I stand partially corrected--that rules Voldemort out, as he's interested above all in avoiding death.

Again, folks, this is from what we see of the characters, not necessarily what the characters would say about themselves.

ulkser
11-23-2009, 09:42 AM
i like it a lot. it is decent all though the idea has been used a lot. great potential and it was well written which is expected from Lord Silvere. I can't wait for the update.

sirius009
11-23-2009, 03:55 PM
I've never been a fan of H/Bella, and so far this reads a lot like their other story "Earl of the North" (although to be fair they did warn us of that at the beginning).
Solid writing and semi interesting, but it's too early to judge.
2.5/5

Snarf
11-23-2009, 11:21 PM
Not so much magic for magic's sake. In what we see of Dumbledore, he's interested in redemption above all. Snape's interested in screwing a dead woman. The Marauders/Weasley twins are interested in pranks.

Actually, I stand partially corrected--that rules Voldemort out, as he's interested above all in avoiding death.

Again, folks, this is from what we see of the characters, not necessarily what the characters would say about themselves.

Yet they are all, still, interested in learning magic for magic's sake. They all seem to very much enjoy their magical abilities, some to a more greater extent. Just because they are interested in other things doesn't change that fact at all.

Pyromaniac
11-24-2009, 05:00 PM
Eh, whatever. New chapter up. Nothing much different from the last three, except Harry's even more OP than before.

Nuhuh
11-24-2009, 05:33 PM
Eh, whatever. New chapter up. Nothing much different from the last three, except Harry's even more OP than before.

Original P.I.M.P? :confused:

Stormey
11-24-2009, 07:10 PM
This fic is getting more useless by each chapter.
Considering it starts with Bellatrix committing suicide with a magical pin through her heart, which she really shouldn't have, thats pretty hard to do.
1/5 from me.

Pyromaniac
11-25-2009, 02:19 AM
Original P.I.M.P? :confused:

Close enough =P

OP=overpowered. Usually used in whining reference to Warlocks, Death Knights, Rogues, Paladins, Mages, Priests, Druids, Warriors, Shamans, and Hunters in World of Warcraft by members of whichever classes are not currently the one under discussion.

Random Shinobi
11-25-2009, 09:41 AM
Harry's even more OP than before.
If you call this Harry overpowered, you must absolutely hate half of the fics in DLP library. Besides, I think the authors are making the whole Wizarding World a bit more capable than what they are in canon.

Moeed
11-25-2009, 02:03 PM
I really enjoy reading this, now if only the author would start to move things along. God, there's only so much one can read about the difference between this Bellatrix and the future one.

Pyromaniac
11-25-2009, 03:01 PM
If you call this Harry overpowered, you must absolutely hate half of the fics in DLP library. Besides, I think the authors are making the whole Wizarding World a bit more capable than what they are in canon.

It's more of a stylistic thing. I don't mind ridiculously overpowered Harry nearly as much when we can see precisely where this comes from--being bonded to a Denarian Lord, for example, or studying his ass off.

On the other hand, "oh by the way I'm fully capable of banishing 20 people as many feet with one spell, while simultaneously distracting them with all sorts of ridiculous schoolboy hexes and jinxes" doesn't sit right with me. If the authors were making the whole Wizarding World more capable, I'd think they would actually make Harry struggle a bit more.

Manatheron
11-25-2009, 04:35 PM
That last comment was moderately humorous.

Personally I don't think it was so much his power as it was the fact that he shot them in the back, and I believe it said 'Low Powered' which yes, could be 'schoolboy' spells, but the power level doesn't take into account complexity or necessary precision.

And of course your ignoring the fact that all he was trying to do with them was draw attention.

Random Shinobi
11-25-2009, 04:43 PM
It's more of a stylistic thing. I don't mind ridiculously overpowered Harry nearly as much when we can see precisely where this comes from--being bonded to a Denarian Lord, for example, or studying his ass off.
Um... He's twenty in this fic, and has been fighting a war for years...

On the other hand, "oh by the way I'm fully capable of banishing 20 people as many feet with one spell, while simultaneously distracting them with all sorts of ridiculous schoolboy hexes and jinxes" doesn't sit right with me.
This annoyed me too, albeit for entirely different reasons. Why didn't he start the fight with his area-banisher? Then he could have just stunned/disarmed them while they were still down.

If the authors were making the whole Wizarding World more capable, I'd think they would actually make Harry struggle a bit more.
They were trash. None of them was trained combatant.

ZeroTheDestroyer
11-25-2009, 06:07 PM
I hate this fic.

Agnostics Puppet
11-25-2009, 11:37 PM
I hate this fic.

Excellent input. I can see just what you mean. What with every last one of the reasons you gave, I dont think I'll read it now. :rolleyes:

Im curious to see where it goes, honestly. I have yet to find a Harry/Bella fic that doesnt... suck, so I have high hopes for this one.

What does bother me though is the forgers daughter. Seriously? Hitting on Harry like that? You'd think that if they were professional, they'd do their job then never talk to the guy again. But whatever.

SmileOfTheKill
11-26-2009, 01:04 AM
Im curious to see where it goes, honestly. I have yet to find a Harry/Bella fic that doesnt... suck, so I have high hopes for this one.

You lie, or your standards are insanely low.

psihary
11-26-2009, 03:41 AM
I have yet to find a Harry/Bella fic that doesnt... suck....

Here ya go - Only enemies (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=1672), enjoy!

Agnostics Puppet
11-27-2009, 03:52 PM
You lie, or your standards are insanely low.

No not really. Most of the Harry/Bella fics I've read butcher one or the other's characters to the point that Im reading about one or more OC's.

More to the point, I just didnt enjoy what I was reading. We all have our personal preferences. I did enjoy this one.

Here ya go - Only enemies (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=1672), enjoy!

Read it, and its on my update list, but the last update was March of this year. I dont hold much hope that it'll update anytime soon.

Also, see above.

fanficlover
12-04-2009, 12:53 PM
Updated again, and a reasonably decent chapter at that.

Lord Silvere says he has a particular reason for Bellatrix using Muggle phrases.

The fic as a whole could be much better, but once you skip past the initial chapter or two, it does become easier to read.

Nuhuh
12-05-2009, 12:48 PM
Read the latest chapter. Much better than the last one. Has my hopes up a little. This is where Harry is at a Xmas part with purebloods, it was very well done. Bellatrix is still a little annoying, but it is now coming off more as something you would expect a self-absorbed character with an inflated sense of her own power. Which is a big improvement, because before it was beginning to fall under the berating!gf cliche. Now if she had real power like the elder Bella then I wouldn't have an issue because well that crazy bitch deserved being arrogant.

So if the things that happened between the first chapter and this didn't happen I'd be really excited about this story. Right now I am cautiously optimistic again. It is definitely on my watch list, because it seems like the writer has regrouped again.

Sin Saiori
12-06-2009, 12:26 AM
Well, it's nice to see another fic worth adding to the "Worthwhile H/B List." That said, it DOES have lots of potential, but like anything that does, it can go either way, better or worse. There are a lot of things that can be fucked up enough to ruin it.

...though it is nice to see the uber-wand scenario rectified somewhat. To those complaining about the extreme focus on past/future Bella, remember that Harry is a little single-mindedly obsessed with his (second?) greatest enemy of the war.

On that train of thought, the only thing that bugs me about this story is that the fight against Voldemort seems almost like an afterthought to the secrets of 'Bella's Dying Smile TM.'

Sesc
12-06-2009, 02:46 AM
Currently reading this. I have no problems with Bella, apart from her using a Muggle expression. At this point, she's an OC anyway, and so she can be sane and not hate Muggles, I don't care. However, using ASAP is just stupid, since it's entirely pointless. Something like that makes any wizard OOC by default, and for really no reason too, since it's only there by the author's decision. Leave that one line away, change absolutely nothing in Bella's character or the plot or anything significant, and it's leaps better. So that was a blunder on the author's part.


What I'm getting annoyed at right now however, is what I get usually annoyed at in Time-Travel stories: Harry is seemingly unable to remain inconspicuous. You'd bloody think that if he goes back in time and wants no one to realise it (getting fake!ID and all), he keeps a low profile, as much as possible. Instead, I currently see him getting involved in a fight he has no clue about, doesn't know the opponents -- and that didn't even involve him in the first place.

Fuck, I want a story where for once there's a fight, and Harry shrugs and GTFO. Using it like here is nothing but a plot-device that you can spot from a mile away, to make figures like Dumbledore more suspicious and involved with him; and it's cheap and overdone too. Get better ideas if you want Dumbledore involved. Not this shit where Harry conveniently is retarded for the span of a scene or chapter.

More to follow.


Edit: And lo and behold, it's Moody, his old trainer. So in as much as three days, Harry has drawn the suspicion of Bellatrix, Dumbledore and the Ministry on him. Good work, buddy.

Also, I disagree with how the purebloods are presented here. For example, did I get that right, that they were dirty? Even a tramp wouldn't be dirty, as long as he had a wand. Makes no sense, detracts points from my score. Oh, and bombings. No. Magic > some bomb a plane dropped, even a German one. "Almost the entire wizarding government and infrastructure had collapsed within days." <--- Without comment.

And finally, what with the party at Grimauld Place, I hope the author remembers that it's not Bella's house, but that of her aunt. All in all, chapter 3 was not good. Decidedly.


Edit2: Oh yeah, Blushing!Harry also sucks balls. If I want that, I can read any given Hogwarts-romance stories, I don't need an 20-something-AU!Harry for that. He's changed from Canon anyway, so for the love of whatever is holy, get rid of him seeing a skirt and a blouse and turning red and tongue-tied.


Edit3:
o_O

Chapter four is better by leaps and bounds, I dunno what happened, but I hope they can do it again. Compare the dialogue, here and in the earlier chapters. Compare Harry at the dinner table carefully picking his answers to the idiot rushing in the fighting scene. There is no comparism. This Harry, I can like. I'll extend what nuhuh said: I'll remove what happened in-between from my mind, and it's a very decent story, with a very enjoyable Bellatrix. Also, Orion Black is awesome.

No rating yet, since it's meandering between just barely 2/5 for legibility and something like a 4/5.

Fardeki
12-06-2009, 03:59 AM
Not bad, nothing spectacular but it has potential. Won't be holding my breath considering the cluster-fuck Earl of the North turned into, but it can easily be a guilty pleasure fic.


Continuing the rant above ^ about annoying timetravel cliches, what pisses me off the most is the fact the whoever travels back in time 99% of the time tells something within an hour or two that they are a time traveler. No thinking about the consequences, nothing even remotely similar, just oh, here is time travel 1, main character 2, lets get this over with and tell the other something that could potentially ruin creation as we know it (let alone to someone who was/will be one of your worse enemies for years).

Nuhuh
12-06-2009, 11:43 AM
Edit3:
o_O

Chapter four is better by leaps and bounds, I dunno what happened, but I hope they can do it again. Compare the dialogue, here and in the earlier chapters. Compare Harry at the dinner table carefully picking his answers to the idiot rushing in the fighting scene. There is no comparism. This Harry, I can like. I'll extend what nuhuh said: I'll remove what happened in-between from my mind, and it's a very decent story, with a very enjoyable Bellatrix. Also, Orion Black is awesome.

No rating yet, since it's meandering between just barely 2/5 for legibility and something like a 4/5.

That's what happened to me. Chapter 1 was decent enough set up. The middle two were like wtf I can't believe this is happening, and chapter 4 seems to be written by another author entirely. So, yeah, hopeful, again. If the writing stays like Ch4 it could be really good.

Vir
12-06-2009, 02:20 PM
That's what happened to me. Chapter 1 was decent enough set up. The middle two were like wtf I can't believe this is happening, and chapter 4 seems to be written by another author entirely. So, yeah, hopeful, again. If the writing stays like Ch4 it could be really good.

It's written by two different authors. So that'd make sense.

Banta
12-07-2009, 07:47 AM
Well whichever one did Chapter Four should do the whole thing on their own.

Mindless
12-07-2009, 10:53 AM
Well whichever one did Chapter Four should do the whole thing on their own.

Amen to that, brother. It went from sort of mediocre to actually good when chapter four hit, and I'm hoping it either stays there or goes up. It kind of bugs me how one of them thinks it's 2006 and the other's in the now, as far as cliches are concerned. I honestly think the most humanizing bits of this Bellatrix are when she begs like a little kid for future knowledge, instead of when she's playing high-and-mighty-pureblood (that always tends to rankle me). I'll go 3/5 right now as a whole, with a potential 4/5 if it stays like the latest chapter.

Shadowglen
12-08-2009, 02:42 AM
I’ll admit to being intrigued by this story and I intend to follow it, at least for a while. That said, I do find the story to be somewhat dragging. It seems to me that the authors are suffering from some organizational problems. They seem to know where they want the real meat of their story to be, but are having difficulty getting their characters from the beginning to that point. This is not an uncommon problem for writers and I also believe this is the first collaboration either of the authors has had. If the beginning of the story represents mere growing pains and the authors are learning well as they go, then fairs fair, I can accept that, people need practice before they can turn out high end work. If the quality tapers back down, however, then this fic will most likely bomb. If Chapter 4 is an indication, hopefully they are getting on track.
With that in mind, there were a number of things I did like about the piece. First and foremost, I have to admit I enjoyed how they are explaining Harry’s abilities. War and experience, yes, most time travel fics give him that, but that the authors actively acknowledge that Harry hadn’t the time or the resources to learn the finer points of dueling and spellcasting that would make him a truly effective warrior. Instead, this Harry has the power we’ve all come to expect from most Harry centric fanfiction, but the authors took the time to explain that their Harry was taught basic tactics instead, reasoning that while a skilled craftsman is generally preferred when dismantling a house, a guy with a some dynamite and an idea where to put it accomplishes more or less the same objective, but with less time invested. This is a novel idea to me because in all the fanfiction I’ve read, rarely have I seen such an honest balance of skill and ability in an OP Harry fic. Do tactics really make such a difference? I would say yes. I cannot really remember a single time in cannon where either side was particularly organized. It’s been proven in millennia of real world wars that simple tactics can allow a small group to win big battles. I also liked how they did not make Harry completely immune to time travel, having him make some small slips that one would expect. I feel the one about knowing the location of 12 Grimauld place to be particularly good.
In the end I give this fic a solid 3.5 so far. I like the ideas of the fic, but the execution needs work.

Militis
12-08-2009, 09:00 PM
I’ll admit to being intrigued by this story and I intend to follow it, at least for a while. That said, I do find the story to be somewhat dragging. It seems to me that the authors are suffering from some organizational problems. They seem to know where they want the real meat of their story to be, but are having difficulty getting their characters from the beginning to that point. This is not an uncommon problem for writers and I also believe this is the first collaboration either of the authors has had. If the beginning of the story represents mere growing pains and the authors are learning well as they go, then fairs fair, I can accept that, people need practice before they can turn out high end work. If the quality tapers back down, however, then this fic will most likely bomb. If Chapter 4 is an indication, hopefully they are getting on track.
With that in mind, there were a number of things I did like about the piece. First and foremost, I have to admit I enjoyed how they are explaining Harry’s abilities. War and experience, yes, most time travel fics give him that, but that the authors actively acknowledge that Harry hadn’t the time or the resources to learn the finer points of dueling and spellcasting that would make him a truly effective warrior. Instead, this Harry has the power we’ve all come to expect from most Harry centric fanfiction, but the authors took the time to explain that their Harry was taught basic tactics instead, reasoning that while a skilled craftsman is generally preferred when dismantling a house, a guy with a some dynamite and an idea where to put it accomplishes more or less the same objective, but with less time invested. This is a novel idea to me because in all the fanfiction I’ve read, rarely have I seen such an honest balance of skill and ability in an OP Harry fic. Do tactics really make such a difference? I would say yes. I cannot really remember a single time in cannon where either side was particularly organized. It’s been proven in millennia of real world wars that simple tactics can allow a small group to win big battles. I also liked how they did not make Harry completely immune to time travel, having him make some small slips that one would expect. I feel the one about knowing the location of 12 Grimauld place to be particularly good.
In the end I give this fic a solid 3.5 so far. I like the ideas of the fic, but the execution needs work.
Font? Color? WTF? It burns my eyes.

vlad
12-08-2009, 11:01 PM
And thus the need to quote the entire thing was... why, exactly?

The story is alright - obvious discrepancies have already been noted. Frankly, I'm still not a fan though. It's decent, but I simply can't reconcile this Bellatrix with who she is - even if you roll back the clock as far as it has been. As the story progresses and we find out what exactly happened, that might change, but that's going to be the defining trait as to whether I think this story is even considerably library worthy.

3/5 for now, tops.

Militis
12-09-2009, 03:58 AM
And thus the need to quote the entire thing was... why, exactly?

To preserve it forever in the sands of time. :awesome

Chime
12-09-2009, 06:39 PM
While I share the same ciritcisms most of us do here – that it's way too fucking convenient for Dumbledore, Marauders, etc. to show up and in a manner of days Harry is suddenly the thought of everyone's mind – I think the story is enjoyable.

4/5 unless there is a significant drop in quality

AAli
12-26-2009, 10:24 AM
New chapter is up.

Random Shinobi
12-26-2009, 11:11 AM
So... The ordinary Shield Charm is apparently incapable of stopping a bullet and there are no magical shields that can withstand high explosives... It makes no sense for the Authors to take this stance, not when they are trying to write purebloods that actually make sense. Also, I hate it when people bring physics into magic. This is no Dresden Files; HP magic doesn't even pay a lip service to physics.

Kensington
12-26-2009, 01:17 PM
Meh, there is so much grey area involving magic and muggles that as long as the author makes a semi-decent case I don't really care on which side of the argument they come down on. In this story, well, I could swallow the arguments on how much muggle weapons can hurt the wizards. I do admit that a single bullet being able to penetrate a protego is a little much, but as long as the story doesn't descend into a Muggle/Magic war I won't complain too much about it.

As for the story itself - it's kinda interesting. I do like seeing how the purebloods are being raised to hate the muggleborns. Where the story does kind of fail - is in future Bellatrix. It was never explained to my satisfaction as to why she betrayed Voldemort - or why she suddenly became sane - or if she was always sane why she acted batshit crazy. I don't buy the whole "I went with the flow."

It should be interesting to note that the co-author on this, Chlaim Solais (I'm almost positive I misspelled that name) has written quite a few Ranma/SM crossovers. While they are readable - there are inherent plot weaknesses in them that bodes ill for the future of the story. It will be interesting to see if Earl of the North will be able to temper Chlaim Solais's ability to shoot himself in the foot with a plot.

3/5 for now.

I enjoyed the read - but Bella's characterization I find annoying.

sirius009
12-26-2009, 04:46 PM
Just read the first two chapters again and I can't get into it. The writing may be solid but it can't hold my interest, the time travel isn't explained, nor is Bellatrix's betrayal (however, it is probably a little early to learn these things) not to mention the common James Potter is an arrogant bully who has no depth what-so-ever.

Shadowglen
12-28-2009, 03:46 PM
Just read the latest chapter. Overall, it's nothing special, merely a transition from the first plot arc to the next, somewhat inelegantly done. There were some parts that were tedious, but there were also some redeeming qualities that are keeping this fic on my watch list.

The chapter started out with something of a retraction on the part of the author's. Harry backs out of a possible relationship with an original character that many people criticized in earlier chapters. While not a masterpiece of writing, this scene is a good sign for the future of the fic, as it demonstrates that the authors are at least paying attention and taking advice. Which is nice to see.

One of my complaints comes next and that is the dialogue between Bellatrix and Harry. It makes perfect sense that Harry would be somewhat uncomfortable and confrontational with her and I think the authors recognize this. That seems to be the problem I have: The authors seem to have them snarking at each other because that's what they should be doing. Like going to an amusement park and yelling constantly "I'm having fun!", the sentiment is expected, but sounds forced and unnatural.

The promising part of the plot presented in this chapter came with the meeting of the two pureblood patriarchs. For some reason I really liked how the authors decided to portray the generation that would be the grandparents of the main canon characters. Although I could have done without all the numbers (and frankly, does a pureblood really understand enough physics to think like that?), I found the inclusion of the Battle of Brtain and the effects of World War II on said generation to be a nice plot choice. It adds an unusual flavor to the story.

I also liked how the authors are implying that the original Death Eaters actually went against most of their parents, as a form of teenage rebellion that grew out of hand. I think this element of the story has the most potential. It is an effective mirror to how the real world's cults and radical movements get started and much a better choice than the standard "purebloods hating all muggles/purebloods only tolerating muggles for money" plotlines seen in most time travel fics that choose to address it.

Overall, this chapter doesn't do much to advance the fic itself, but shows some promise. There were weak points, promising ideas, and "meh" moments, but it shows that the authors are at least putting some thought into it. I look forward to the next chapter, where it seems things may pick up.

Kerrus
01-03-2010, 09:30 PM
Personally, I find the transitions from one author's material to the next the most jarring. It definitely looks like each is writing a solid 'chunk' and stringing them together, rather then one writing an outline, and the other going through and adding the own work- which is the preferable form of authorial collaboration to me.

The whole 'bombs/bullets>magic' thing is honestly just another part of the story, and it doesn't bug me in the least.

I mean, seriously, we can accept all the vagaries of magic, we can accept all the changes to characters, all the worldbuilding, smashing, and general alterations to the universe.... but nobody can conceive of magic not being the utterly most bombastic awesome unstoppable force in the universe?

It just seems really hypocritical to me- people never go on about how Harry pulls off some never before seen magical power to one shot the universe, but the moment a muggle shoots a wizard in the face from a mile away your suspension of disbelief is broken?

I don't buy it.

Nuhuh
01-04-2010, 09:00 AM
So the latest chapter was pretty sweet. Not as a whole, mind you, it was this part where the Black and Malfoy heads meet secretly to discuss the rise of Death Eaters. It was something very fresh. I never thought of a generation of purebloods being wary of war on muggles because of the damage they'd seen caused by the world wars. Even though I am not into the whole 'can't stop bullets!' idea. C'mon now magic! Anyway we've had numerous threads on that aspect. Still the use of a plot device I don't like much to create such an interesting scenario was pretty cool. I hope to see more of the purebloods now.

Harry and Bella's relationship needs to advance, mature, change, w/e. There is a hint of that in Harry realizing she keeps tweeking him and he keeps falling for it, but right now they are like two teenagers sniping at each other. Arguably Bella is one, but Harry should be a lot more in control of himself; his hate for the elder Bella should show in a better way than just going off the handle every three seconds.

Soooo glad the OC love interest is done for. That had been annoying.

Random Shinobi
01-04-2010, 10:19 AM
It just seems really hypocritical to me- people never go on about how Harry pulls off some never before seen magical power to one shot the universe, but the moment a muggle shoots a wizard in the face from a mile away your suspension of disbelief is broken?

I don't buy it.
My suspension of disbelief is not broken because Muggles can beat wizards in fight, what breaks it is that wizards apparently cannot defend themselves against firearms. The argument that shields cannot stop a bullet because they concentrate their force on a very small area and thus it would take too much power to create a field that could withstand bullets is total bullshit and makes no sense whatsoever. Do I have to remind you that wizards are able to conjure things? The energy required to form just a gram of matter is immense and more than enough to level a city. The kinetic energy of a bullet is absolutely nothing compared to that.

Kai Shek
01-04-2010, 02:29 PM
I think a shield spell should have no problem stopping a bullet. Physics has no place in magic. The idea that a trigger is pulled and the bullet finds its target before the wizard can do anything is logical and dangerous in its own right. The authors should have just left it at that.

Either way, I like the story. Flaws aside, I think its one of the few good new stories coming out, and it's at least trying to be original. I do think the physics needs to go, but I also think that flaw aside, its a story worthy of the library.

4/5

Atyan
01-04-2010, 02:50 PM
/delurk



It just seems really hypocritical to me- people never go on about how Harry pulls off some never before seen magical power to one shot the universe, but the moment a muggle shoots a wizard in the face from a mile away your suspension of disbelief is broken?

I don't buy it.

What it comes down to, it what you believe the magic in HP-verse to be.

I for example have no problem with a "magical power to one shot the universe", besides the fact that it would make for a poor story, because it's magic.

I also don't have a problem with a muggle shooting the average wizard, because a bullet is likely faster than whipping out your wand and saying "protego".

What I do have a problem with, and where my suspension of disbelief is broken, is when you say that a shield can't hold up to the physical momentum of a bullet on a certain part of the surface of the shield.
You can measure the force of the bullet, and you can measure the surface.

If you believe that the HP-verse magic works this way, it follows that you think that, for example Harry Potter's "protego" shield can take an energy of (random number) 578,6 joules per cm² before it breaks.

I don't want to read about a magic system like that, because it makes magic just another form of energy to be measured and quantified, which would really take the magic out of it.

/lurk

Sesc
01-04-2010, 04:27 PM
^ What he said. It's not so much suspension of disbelief and more that I simply don't want to read about it. It's the same with Technomagic, and in more general context, reading about Muggles in general.


About the new chapter ... meh. I felt the mechanics were inferior again, compared to the chapter before. What was especially jarring was that the POV was like constantly broken. I sometimes point that out, and it's more a technical advise then, but here it actually dragged the story down.

Harry grimaced. “I think I just threw up in my mouth,” he said, trying to rid himself of the thought of drinking Polyjuice with anything of Filch’s in it, all the while deliberately ignoring her barb.

Bellatrix frowned at him, but decided to drop it. “Someone ought to sneak my cousin and that Potter brat a dose of that,” she told him, changing the subject, herself. “They’d never be able to look at Polyjuice the same way again.”

She eyed him curiously. In the few days since she’d seen him he had clammed up – whether it was because something significant had happened, or because he’d simply wizened up, it didn’t matter, but she realized that pushing him for more information before he was ready to give it up would merely alienate him. [etc.]

Instances like this. It's kinda like reading a hiccup, it destroys the flow completely. Quite annoying. And it even got to the point that the authors had Harry addressing himself with Harry once, because the POV wasn't clear.

So yeah, while I agree that it's not too bad on the plot side of things, apart from the chapter at the Blacks, the writing simply isn't up to the task. This is one example where a good Beta could make the story infinitely better.

aaltwal
01-06-2010, 01:21 AM
I don't care whether he over powered technology against magic. this story is ten times better than his first Harry/Bellatrix story, Earl of the North.


Having Harry travel to the 70's solve the issues I had with Harry and a 45 -50 year old(?) Bellatrix.


I'll be sure to add this to my favorites.
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Anme
02-27-2010, 03:53 AM
This got updated. Nice enough.

Jeram
03-02-2010, 02:30 PM
I actually do like this nutty story. The 70's styles and wacky music choices are just icing on the cake to creepy backdoor politics and intrigue. Actually paints the characters with some nice 3-dimensional brushes.

happilyeverafter
03-21-2010, 01:50 PM
I enjoyed this guy's story Earl of the North, but I have to say that Bella/Harry sometimes freaks me out when she is about forty and he is seventeen. I think that this is a great improvement on the Bella/Harry pairing. It also seems the kind of thing that could happen in the Harry Potter world, I like the explanation for the time travel but it would be interesting to know more about the broach.
4.5/5 so far

Prof. Abronsius
05-06-2010, 09:51 AM
Has been updated....but don't have the time ro read it right now.

Luda
05-07-2010, 07:43 AM
Just read the latest chapter. While the quality was decent, in the last two to three chapters there hasn't been much plot movement. It's mostly just been about Harry trying to adapt to being the potions professor without completely fucking up and general discussions with Romulus and Orion.

Still it's good to see an update.

Swimdraconian
05-07-2010, 02:20 PM
These last couple of chapters were very static - not a whole lot of forward momentum. They seem to be rehashing the same events over and over again.

Disappointing, because this fic has so much potential. I hope the author isn't running out of inspiration; I'd hate to see this thing abandoned.

Andro
05-08-2010, 06:56 PM
I'm not bothered very much by it. It's an appropriate time in the story for Harry to interact with the younger-older generation, while he's just beginning his search for information.

There needs to be more depth of characterization from James, Sirius, basically everyone. I'll raise my rating to a 4/5.

The Bellatrix in this story is pretty likable.

Though if Snape ends up snagging Lily it's dropping right back what it was before.

ZeroTheDestroyer
06-01-2010, 04:29 PM
Wouldn't Snape snagging Lily kill Harry? On account he wouldn't be born.

Cxjenious
06-01-2010, 04:37 PM
No. Author talked about it in the last chapter - maybe the one before that. Harry's future doesn't exist anymore.

ZeroTheDestroyer
06-01-2010, 07:23 PM
Ah, yeah I just read it now. Seems like this is some minor alternative dimension. Though everything is more or less the same. Still good.

fuubar
06-02-2010, 08:36 PM
More like acausal time travel but who cares about those details ;)

jjack1003
07-02-2010, 02:24 PM
definitely a great story.
kinda similar to another one of my favorite time travel stories:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4196344/1/A_Last_Resort

unfortunately I think the author LDR has discontinued it for some reason

fuubar
07-02-2010, 03:55 PM
So, it's been updated.

Bellatrix beats Harry in a duel... Am I the only person who sees a problem with that? Before he got sent back she was an exceptionally talented dueler but here she is just a talented school girl. That really really annoys me.

Random Shinobi
07-02-2010, 04:44 PM
She didn't beat him. Harry's crappy wand exploded on its own. Actually, I have written something very similar. Although I do hope that my scene was a bit more plausible than Silvere's...

Swimdraconian
07-03-2010, 01:13 AM
My enjoyment of this fic has sharply dropped after this latest chapter. I'll follow along here at DLP, but I'm taking Delenda Est off my alerts list.

fuubar
07-03-2010, 09:36 PM
She didn't beat him. Harry's crappy wand exploded on its own. Actually, I have written something very similar. Although I do hope that my scene was a bit more plausible than Silvere's...

Woops, was doing a bit of a speed read on it as I was getting ready to head out of town for a bit.

Bikiluf
07-10-2010, 05:26 AM
She didn't beat him. Harry's crappy wand exploded on its own. Actually, I have written something very similar. Although I do hope that my scene was a bit more plausible than Silvere's...

Now that you mention it... it was if I remember correctly a bit less of a buzzkill in your story. Now, when are you going to update that shit?

Besides, it's a temporary sollution to the conflict. Nither feels like they've won so they'll probably have another go at it eventually...or fall in love halfway. Bella would still try to kick the shit out of Harry if that were to happen, just to keep him off balance.

Nuhuh
07-19-2010, 08:56 AM
The last chapter made me feel like authors need Bella to be great so they are forcing Harry to be 'reachable.' The wand exploding? Alright that makes good sense to move the plot forward; Harry will have to go to Ollivander and get the 'brother wand,' and word of that will get back to DD. But Bella lecturing Harry on his dueling finesse? Please, he's been fighting much tougher death eaters than her. At any rate, his post duel reaction was the worst, no follow through from where he'd been brought: the point to kill Bella.

Spunika
07-30-2010, 08:33 AM
Updated guys

Prof. Abronsius
08-15-2010, 12:55 PM
Has been updated.

Potterondrugs
08-15-2010, 05:29 PM
Has been updated.

...Not on fanfiction.net where has it been updated?

fuubar
08-15-2010, 07:39 PM
Since the last post mentioning an update it had been. You might have gotten the update email but some of us hadn't known.

Nuhuh
08-18-2010, 04:39 PM
Bellatrix is going to teach Harry muggle duelling. Oh lordy.

Potterondrugs
08-18-2010, 05:52 PM
Bellatrix is going to teach Harry muggle duelling. Oh lordy.

Yeah I thought that was weird. There shouldent be a need to punch someone in the face while your having a duel you can conjure a lion to maul them. I beginning to get irked with the whole Bellatrix/Harry itneraction. She is the type of person to never become romantically engaged or even affectionate twoards anything especially those she considers weaker than her. For there to be a pairing here Harry should be significantly stronger than he is now, How is he being stalemated by a teenager who while talented shoulden't have beet him 5 years ago let alone now.

EinStern
08-19-2010, 02:50 PM
... What? Is there a chapter I missed somewhere? Because he wasn't stalemated. Bella, on the other hand, got curbstomped when Harry got serious, and she's not dead only because of BlackFamily!Wand dickery. How the Hell did you miss this? Christ.

That said, I can understand her whole lecture on finesse. She's a typical pureblood; she would have been lectured on dueling and all that crap from an early age. Harry, on the other hand, was established early on as a guy who never got much formal training as there was no time to train him; therefore he relies purely on raw power and massive explosions and massive spells in general, which is why he could subdue those two hordes of thugs single handedly.

Oh, and I'm holding off on voting for the moment. The chapters are split about 50/50 between 5/5 and 4/5 right now...

Potterondrugs
08-19-2010, 04:32 PM
... What? Is there a chapter I missed somewhere? Because he wasn't stalemated. Bella, on the other hand, got curbstomped when Harry got serious, and she's not dead only because of BlackFamily!Wand dickery. How the Hell did you miss this? Christ.

That said, I can understand her whole lecture on finesse. She's a typical pureblood; she would have been lectured on dueling and all that crap from an early age. Harry, on the other hand, was established early on as a guy who never got much formal training as there was no time to train him; therefore he relies purely on raw power and massive explosions and massive spells in general, which is why he could subdue those two hordes of thugs single handedly.

Oh, and I'm holding off on voting for the moment. The chapters are split about 50/50 between 5/5 and 4/5 right now...
Well that was after Harry went all Berserk on her. What I meant was when did we get to the point that Bella gets to teach Harry anything?

The Greek
08-21-2010, 02:22 PM
You know what? I've had this in my alerts since it started but I don't think I still likeit. Oh, it is very well written, the characters are realistic and the interactions flow together really well but... well what's the point? I've been waiting for the plot to kick in but so far the basic plot is the same as so many other stories it's ridiculous. Yeah, I haven't seen that method of time travel before but that's pretty much it. And that method seems a little implausible. Well, really, a hairpin?

Anyway, of course I'll continue to follow it because really it's one of the few well written fics anymore, but if the author is reading these reviews, well you might want to focus and clear the basic plot a bit. What's Harry's goal? Voldemort's destruction? The survival of his parents? To boink Bellatrix?

I'll give it a 4/5 for now and see if things speed up a bit.

EinStern
08-21-2010, 06:19 PM
Well that was after Harry went all Berserk on her. What I meant was when did we get to the point that Bella gets to teach Harry anything?

Eh, personally I got the impression that it was more mutual practice than teaching... That said, I get what you mean.

Sin Saiori
11-04-2010, 12:04 PM
Updated folks.

The ball's really rolling now. I'm actually interested to see where all this is going.

Random Shinobi
11-04-2010, 01:45 PM
It was a pretty good update and I like where the story is going. Harry is still a bit too pathetic for my tastes, but not nearly as much as in canon. Perhaps he will soon get his shit together, toughen up, and actually start making concrete plans for Voldemort's painful demise...

EinStern
11-04-2010, 07:30 PM
He meets Voldemort, hopefully gets his shit together, and there's a nice, nice twist at the end there. All in all, good chapter, but the author needs to work on his pace a lil' bit.

Rynonis
11-05-2010, 01:30 AM
Last chapter was the only one of the story I can say legitimately was novel. Wasn't expecting that twist in the end. I've never seen that done. It wasn't like a OMG twist but rather nice to see a new idea.

psihary
11-05-2010, 04:56 AM
I did like the chapter too, and I agree that the ending was something I haven't read before and rather nice twist of the things.
Basically the first thought that came to mind was - "Who is the dark lord now", but then the author spend a paragraph in describing Voldemort's appearance, and how it has, supposedly, been already altered by rituals. Whether it really is, or it's just Harry's prejudiced point of view, of course, we don't know yet and that makes it all the better.

What I didn't like from the last update was in the author's notes at the end of the chapter.
For some reason his request for an advice was worded in a way that sounded like he's asking what will please his readers, so he can adjust to that rather than going along his own plan for the story - of course that is in case he actually has one.

samkar
11-07-2010, 12:19 AM
At the moment I still hope the writer sees this as an alternate timeline as that would explain why every silly DE Harry seems to have met is in the same class year at Hogwarts and nobody knew about Voldemort in the *late* 70ies.
Then I don't need to expect some convoluted plot where Harry replaces Voldemort, kills his real parents and tries to kill himself several times to comply with a timeloop or because he went insane. That would really suck.

Catman
11-07-2010, 02:40 AM
That really depends on your theory of time, or more specifically what you are going to make the reality of your story. I don't remember what fic it was, but I remember one where Harry and Draco went back in time, and Draco made them stick to what they know because by going back in time they had eliminated the future. Point is, that's not something you should be really worrying about, because there is just too many ways to get around that problem,

fanficlover
11-08-2010, 10:23 PM
That really depends on your theory of time, or more specifically what you are going to make the reality of your story. I don't remember what fic it was, but I remember one where Harry and Draco went back in time, and Draco made them stick to what they know because by going back in time they had eliminated the future. Point is, that's not something you should be really worrying about, because there is just too many ways to get around that problem,

That fic is probably Time to Spare.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2538955/1/

b0b3rt
12-04-2010, 02:33 AM
Has been updated again.

He's accepted that he can't get back to the past and has essentially created an alternate timeline, so I'm not sure what you guys are talking about.

That being said, I'm glad I read this, despite not wanting to originally. All the other H/Bella fics I've read previously have been utterly terrible (excluding A Warrior's Philosophy, but that's short and abandoned) so I hardly had any hope for it. But it turned out to be a fairly good politically-inclined story.

Sacrosanct
12-04-2010, 03:14 AM
"I tell you, there's something wonky going on with Ashworth," James complained. "And I'm going to get to the bottom of that wonk!"

Who else read every instance of "wonk" as "wank" the first skim through?

Come on, I know I'm not alone.

psihary
12-04-2010, 08:01 AM
New chapter that looks like it hasn't been betaed.
I was happy to see that there is a new posted chapter but after reeding it I felt quite disappointed with it.

10k words and practically nothing was said. Then there are a number of small but very annoying moments of the like of
the Malfoy patriarch was sitting to his right and raised his hand to his mouth.
The sharp whistle pierced the din of heated conversation easily, and everyone quieted.

... the author could have the wizard, at least, use his wand to produce the sound.

samkar
12-04-2010, 11:22 AM
Has been updated again.

He's accepted that he can't get back to the past and has essentially created an alternate timeline, so I'm not sure what you guys are talking about.


Where do you read that from what Harry thinks? I can only accept an alternative universe to explain the plot holes as the timeline is completely screwed up and because of the wand.
But from what we've read so far I get the feeling that the writer actually thinks that's the right past where all DEs are roughly the same age. But I fear the ugly surprise that Harry's in a time loop where he kills Voldemort and then secretly replaces him because of the wand issue.

fanficlover
12-04-2010, 01:18 PM
The update was disappointing and as Psihary pointed out, it had errors in several places.

Not too much taking place, but I guess you do need to add filler and describe certain sub sections of the plot thoroughly.

Still there is plenty of hope for this fic :)

Eidolonic
12-07-2010, 01:59 PM
"I tell you, there's something wonky going on with Ashworth," James complained. "And I'm going to get to the bottom of that wonk!"

Who else read every instance of "wonk" as "wank" the first skim through?

Come on, I know I'm not alone.

Signature. This is all.

Potterondrugs
12-08-2010, 03:00 AM
I'm getting more and more disappointed with Harry in this fic. Bested by Bellatrix in a duel and Manhandled by Orion. Consults his every decistion with Bella or The gang manipulating him (Malfoy, Orion, etc), plus he's discovered and exposed relativity easily. At first I thought he would come back and just lurk about or steal someones identity, but to pretend to be someone from a proinent family when there isn't even someone your age in the family is just amateur.
This is just a personal thing, but I despise when Harry becomes friends with his enemies in the past. Bellatrix was always a crazy tch, not always unhinged but she's not a misunderstood benevolent soul. However this fic still has room to grow and develop so I can't make any definitive judgements on character development yey.

b0b3rt
12-08-2010, 04:03 AM
Canon never give us anything to contradict Bella's character during her Hogwarts years...

Also, the family is prominent in another country, so ostensibly a relatively safe choice if you need to be a pureblood. And seriously, how was he supposed to get the registry?

Tenages
12-08-2010, 10:24 AM
Bellatrix was always a crazy tch, not always unhinged but she's not a misunderstood benevolent soul.

How can she have always been a crazy bitch, but not have always been unhinged? Unhinged is just a different way of saying crazy. You contradicted yourself in the same damn sentence.

Rin
12-10-2010, 04:18 AM
Hmm . . . where to start with this - since I gave it a chance and read all that was there (because I saw it updated here and figured, what the hell?).



Muggleborn-loving pureblood Blacks & Malfoys. The Blacks are ostensibly known for being one of the darkest, if not the darkest family in Britain, which is why people were surprised at Griffindor!Sirius; and subsequently, completely unsurprised at the idea of Sirius blowing up a street full of muggles and his best friend after betraying his other best friend to Voldemort.
With the exception of Bellatrix, her uncle and her father, and Lucius Malfoy's dad, all the purebloods in Slytherin are mouth-breathing, hot-headed drooling retards who probably need a safety helmet lest they hurt themselves. The Lastranges, Crabbes and Goyles can't just be average, they're at the BOTTOM of their year, while Bellatrix is near the top.
Lucius's father has an official name: Abraxas, so the author ought to do a find-and-replace on that shit.
All the DEs at Hogwarts with each other and with Harry's parents. I suppose you don't have much of a story without this, but more to the point, when Bellatrix started Hogwarts, James and Lily, the Marauders, and Snape all were two-and-three-year-olds. That means that if Bellatrix is a 7th year, then Lucius would be a 4th year. Basically, this point irks me. Yeah, yeah, it's an AU, but changes like that aren't so easily chalked up to it being an AU, it just smacks of poor planning/forced plotting, and it being an AU as more of a cop-out answer.
Herpa-Derp, I R N AU, but getting any information out of me will remain an exercise in pulling some fucking teeth. :rolleyes:
The wand thing (Harry getting the 13.5" Yew & Phoenix-feather wand) is forgiveable to me because it says to me that whatever wand Voldemort in this AU has, is probably brothers with a future, yet-to-be prophesied child of lord-knows-whom due to Harry likely fucking up any chances of Lily and James getting together.

All in all, I give it a 3/5 for decent and engaging writing (-2 for the points above, except #6). The above points for me make the story all the more disappointing because of the technically superior quality of the writing itself.

Tenages
12-10-2010, 06:32 AM
All the DEs at Hogwarts with each other and with Harry's parents. I suppose you don't have much of a story without this, but more to the point, when Bellatrix started Hogwarts, James and Lily, the Marauders, and Snape all were two-and-three-year-olds. That means that if Bellatrix is a 7th year, then Lucius would be a 4th year. Basically, this point irks me. Yeah, yeah, it's an AU, but changes like that aren't so easily chalked up to it being an AU, it just smacks of poor planning/forced plotting, and it being an AU as more of a cop-out answer.

Yeah I'll grant you that is annoying. But Rowling's publicized character ages, genealogies, etc. conflict and contradict each other all the damn time. It's way more effort than it's worth to try and force them into some sort of rational framework. Unless you're writing something like Methene's OBAM.

The Berkeley Hunt
12-11-2010, 07:08 AM
Maybe its just me, but I'd rather that Silvere changed some minor age technicalities and had a cracking good story, than kept it all separate and had Harry hanging out at Hogwarts with only Bella, Lestrange and a 14 year old Lucius. It may not have an in story justification, but in this case I can overlook the change pretty easily.

Rin is right about one thing - Slytherin is now suddenly the nest of a band of gorillas that happened to wander into Hogwarts. They had better learn to put up a fight soon, or the only real combatant will be Big V himself. Harry, with his new wand, will of course be far more boss than previously seen.

Verminard
12-11-2010, 11:22 PM
I enjoy this.

Felur
12-17-2010, 03:04 PM
Rin,
1. They do not love the muggleborn. They are at best neutral about them. Imho they think the pureblood are the best (see Christmas party scenes), but they realized that wizarding world needs muggleborn after Grindelwald's disaster. Of course, even it is a little bit OOC for the Malfoys and Blacks, but acceptable for an AU story
2. We don't know enough about the Slytherins to make reliable opinion. Of course for example the Lestranges (like Draco, who was a leader later as well) are idiots, but what about the others? Although even Lucius do not seem to be very intelligent at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he make good and cunning assassination attempt on my father.
4. see rinsimyaldee's thought. It isn't the best solution to include all important characters to the story and avoid to use OC-s, but acceptable
3. Agree
6. If I understand correctly, the prophecy for Harry still exists, there won't be an other prophecy child.
In general it is far from a perfect story, but enjoyable (4/5).

Castiel
12-17-2010, 10:24 PM
I wouldn't be surprised if he make good and cunning assassination attempt on my father.

I would actually like to see this happening. And I mean Lucius assassinating his father, not yours.

Zennith
12-18-2010, 12:35 AM
Why are we still talking about this fic? It's kinda shit.

Dark-Stallion
12-18-2010, 08:58 AM
Why are we still talking about this fic? It's kinda shit.

Oh, snap; sorry, I didn't realise that we weren't allowed to have differing opinions to yours about this fic. I guess we should all just stop reading the updates and not discuss our opinions of it on a thread dedicated to such things, on a forum which previously thrived from such obviously ridiculous notions such as 'reviewing'. How silly of us.

Zennith
12-18-2010, 11:13 AM
Oh, snap; sorry, I didn't realise that we weren't allowed to have differing opinions to yours about this fic. I guess we should all just stop reading the updates and not discuss our opinions of it on a thread dedicated to such things, on a forum which previously thrived from such obviously ridiculous notions such as 'reviewing'. How silly of us.


In truth, I may have phrased that wrong.

I have no objection to people talking about this story. However, what I was trying to figure out is how it happens to actually be in the Library instead of the recycling bin where it belongs.

Dark-Stallion
12-18-2010, 12:01 PM
In truth, I may have phrased that wrong.

I have no objection to people talking about this story. However, what I was trying to figure out is how it happens to actually be in the Library instead of the recycling bin where it belongs.

In reflection I didn't mean to be so snappy; the weather has been ruining my weekend, so no harm no foul?

I think that honestly the fic started out good enough for the library, hence my original rating, but since then has begun to slide. This is the major fault we have with the review and library system; people vote on what is there be be reviewed and voted upon, and the system doesn't really take into account the fact that the standard of writing or movement of the plot could get worse.

However the bonus of those of us who still follow this fic, and comment on here when there is a new chapter, is that more people will read it and then hopefully review it at it's current level (also there is the chance that those who have already voted will read the new chapters and change their vote accordingly). As it stands, though, whilst the standard has dropped in the last two chapters I still maintain that it is library worthy; it's refreshing to see a time-travel fic where Harry is actually trying to do something pro-active rather than gush over James/Sirius/Remus/Lily.

Innomine
12-18-2010, 03:27 PM
The fic is what you'd call a guilty pleasure for a lot of us I;'d say. It is in no way stunning, yet it remains not terrible for those of us who like the concepts portrayed.

I'm happy with it being in the library, but then again, i'd also be happy with it being in the recycling bin. My vote is somewhere between 3 and 4. I also thought your initial response was perfectly fine DarkStallion, if anyone says something stupid like that, they deserve a snappy reply.

b0b3rt
12-18-2010, 08:12 PM
This is still a library-worthy fic, but just barely. If it doesn't start to pick up soon, it'll end up going to suckland really fast..

Cxjenious
12-20-2010, 10:28 AM
There's far worse shit in the library.

KaiDASH
12-22-2010, 09:53 PM
updated to 14 (edit: 13 by the authors count, 14 by the ffn counter)

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/14/Delenda_Est

This chapter was pretty basic plot progression, but the next chapter is shaping up to be very interesting.

b0b3rt
12-22-2010, 10:08 PM
Several important set-ups happened this chapter, even if it was kinda short.

Tenages
12-23-2010, 02:49 AM
Meh. I'm not entirely convinced the author knows where he wants to go with this story. He's spent a huge amount of time in this holding pattern, ostensibly setting up future action while not really getting anywhere. This chapter once again suggested movement in the near future, but was still nothing but unnecessarily drawn out set up. It's reached the point where I just skim the chapters to see if anything has happened.

b0b3rt
12-23-2010, 03:40 AM
Oh, please. It's fairly obvious that it's all coming to a head now.

Tenages
12-23-2010, 03:46 AM
So it appears but I thought that last chapter as well. The one before that also suggested it was coming to a head. Don't get me wrong I like the story. It's still reasonably entertaining, it's continuing, and the writing's not bad. I maintain though that Lord Silvere has absolutely no sense of pacing whatsoever. Its preposterous that it's taken 14 chapters to get to this point.

The Berkeley Hunt
12-26-2010, 07:07 AM
However long its taken up until now, if there is no action in the next chapter, this story is going to have to be taken out of the library. The set up is pretty good for two cool fight scenes, and if its not taken, the missed opportunity will just be too much.

But if Silvere makes it ridiculously awesome and just blows that shit up to eleven, goes on a rampage of violence and kills characters, then it will actually go up to a 4 or more ranking (for me).

Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Sesc
12-26-2010, 11:02 AM
The fuck is up with "has to be taken out of the library"-herpaderp recently? I like the story just fine. And it will not get taken out of the library currently. That's all you really need to know.

Also:

But if Silvere makes it ridiculously awesome and just blows that shit up to eleven, goes on a rampage of violence and kills characters, then it will actually go up to a 4 or more ranking (for me).
:facepalm

ParseltonguePhoenix
12-26-2010, 12:16 PM
The fuck is up with "has to be taken out of the library"-herpaderp recently?

This. So Much.

Story is definitely still good enough for the Library. Period.

Kurufinwe
12-26-2010, 02:56 PM
Story is good and next chapter is looking to be very interesting. The scene with Crabbe and Goyle interrogation is awesome. I hope we see more interaction with Lily and jealousy of both James and Bella because of it.

Nuhuh
12-26-2010, 05:03 PM
At times the writing is supremely intelligent and engaging and at other times I want to slap the stupid out of it. This is how this whole fic has been; I'm beginning to forget, but isn't this written by two authors?

Anyway the last two chapters have finally pulled the plot forward to a necessary junction. I am curious to see how it goes further. Bellatrix was actually pretty tolerable in these two chapters and Harry more consistent as well.

Really looking forward to the next chapter, now that there is a piece of plot development just hanging there.

Tenages
12-26-2010, 05:29 PM
At times the writing is supremely intelligent and engaging and at other times I want to slap the stupid out of it. This is how this whole fic has been; I'm beginning to forget, but isn't this written by two authors?

I'd forgotten that until you mentioned it. I checked, and yeah the fic is being written by two authors. Lord Silvere is co-authoring it with the dude who finished Earl of the North after he abandoned it. Claihm Solais or something like that.

It's very possible explanation for the disjointedness. I'm not sure how exactly they're handling the co-writing, but it's difficult to mesh two voices and styles in the same story.

Innomine
12-26-2010, 08:38 PM
At times the writing is supremely intelligent and engaging and at other times I want to slap the stupid out of it. This is how this whole fic has been; I'm beginning to forget, but isn't this written by two authors?

Anyway the last two chapters have finally pulled the plot forward to a necessary junction. I am curious to see how it goes further. Bellatrix was actually pretty tolerable in these two chapters and Harry more consistent as well.

Really looking forward to the next chapter, now that there is a piece of plot development just hanging there.

This is pretty much exactly how I feel about it. Some of the Harry/Bellatrix interaction in the last chapter made me cringe so much. Whereas, it can be incredibly good in other respects.

ANyone know which is the good author? I want to leave a review telling him to just write the story himself. :/

Tenages
12-26-2010, 09:22 PM
Not sure which is which. An easy way to tell might be to read a chapter from each of their respective sections of Earl of the North. With any luck you could determine which was the better writer from that.

Sesc
12-27-2010, 02:55 AM
Just read the Christmas update, and it sure moved things ahead. Without anyone going on a "rampage of violence", naturally. Regarding Harry:

Prediction: He'll take the Imperius option, since he hopes he is/will eventually be able to resist it. Seems like the logical choice, given what we know from Canon; but of course, if might (for some reason) not work.

Good chapter.

b0b3rt
12-27-2010, 03:14 AM
That's retarded: Voldemort might think that he could just use the Imperius to force him to give up his secret and then kill him at his leisure.

Tenages
12-27-2010, 11:38 AM
Was not impressed with the latest update. Harry is an absolute moron who is apparently, in fact stupider than he was in canon. Bellatrix was more believable until she decided to take the Veritaserum. I suppose you can ascribe her doing so to panic. But I mean come on. Harry was criminally stupid and Bellatrix wasn't acting all that bright either.

But at least the plot advanced.

Mock Moniker
01-07-2011, 07:45 AM
Finally got around to reading this.

First off, I'm a huge fan of time travel/AU fics like this, and it handles some of the aspects of the genre better than almost any other similar fics. The writing is usually solid, and the characters are interesting.

But there are some really huge, huge dumb out of character moments for almost everyone in the fic.

Monumentally dumb, especially in the latest chapter. Characters acting in ways they most definitely should not. For example, I like the elder Malfoy and Black's manipulations, but the trust they place in Harry is incredibly odd and blind for two supposedly intelligent and competent manipulators. Harry walks up to Voldemort TWICE. Bellatrix acts nothing like she does in canon at the start, but given that it's a fic about Harry and "Bella" that's to be expected.

I'm totally fine with changing a characters personality to make the story work; but that's not what is going on. Even if they were entirely OCs I'd be complaining, because the characters don't fit with their own personalities in the story.

Whats retarded is how Harry goes from being incredibly stupid in hanging out with her to trying to murder her in a blind rage AND THEN RIGHT BACK INTO FRIENDSHIP.

Its like reading a pretty good fic where the author has ideas for scenes he wants to write, but is trying to tack them into a story where they don't actually fit with the characters he's created.

But still as I said I have a big soft spot for time travel fics like this, so 4/5. But god damn the inconsistent characterization is annoying me to no end.

And the awful "banter" made me close this fic the first time I tried to read it, I just forced myself to get through the first two chapters this time.

The Berkeley Hunt
01-09-2011, 10:08 AM
Ok chapter. The plot is finally advanced, but Harry picking up the idiot ball was incredibly annoying. You'd think that the only person who really understood how dangerous Voldemort really is would be less eager to be killed by him.

Also, has anyone else noticed the disparity between Harry's actual skill level and his perceived skill level? Hes supposed to have been able to fight original Bella to a draw multiple times, survived Voldemort, and is regarded in the new world by Black etc at very competent. And yet, he has been almost beaten by a 17 year old girl, manhandled by an old man and the only real achievement he has is taking out a group of idiots from behind. Why does he (and everyone else) think he is a badass?

Aside from that, this story has just taken far too long. I made some comments about a possible 'rampage of violence'. Yeah, Sesc, you're right. That was a little stupid. But I stand by that this story needs a little action. I heard a saying that every story is about conflict in some form. So where is the conflict? This fic is supposed to be about an adult Harry taking the past by surprise with the help of a cool Bellatrix. What is being written is half school drama, half amateur politics.

For the past 3 chapter, some kind of action would have been totally appropriate. Instead, we got more stalling. I get the feeling that Silvere/Solais doesn't like writing action scenes, but has to because of story and ends up wasting space instead.

Don't get me wrong, I do like the fic a lot, and it has a ton of potential. I just wish it would actually resolve something instead of filling chapter after chapter.

Cxjenious
01-09-2011, 10:53 PM
Surviving Voldemort and dueling Bellatrix to a draw are testament to his survival skills, not his dueling skills. He's considered competent by the elder Black because he managed to do what he did without any tutelage or knowledge of advanced spells.

EDIT: But the characters are very dumb. Harry knows Voldemort is going for his wand - knew it was probably a trap, but does he draw his wand beforehand? Strike pre-emptively? No! He gulps in fear! And don't get me started on Bellatrix, the fucking idiot. I want to like this story, but, as many have pointed out, the characters are too inconsistent.

Shymer
01-10-2011, 02:56 PM
Well, Bellatrix's stupidity is understandable: she is an inexperience teenage girl who doesn't really know the seriousness of the situation and ,due to her upbringing, she considers herself to be more talented than what she actually is; this kind of arrogance is not uncommon for naive people.

Harry, on the other hand, know the situation but he is, well, Harry... And CanonHarry never impressed me by his intelligence and his sense of self-preservation.

Sesc
01-11-2011, 03:15 PM
I made some comments about a possible 'rampage of violence'.

The point was that this wasn't an action story, but a political story. That's the premise under which I always read and liked it. As such, any action is filler, and the really interesting stuff is what happens on the Malfoy/Black angle.

I think you (not you in particular, even) are simply having wrong expectations. What you just called filler is the story. You just don't like it.

The Berkeley Hunt
01-12-2011, 03:39 PM
Not really. What I called filler was the scene where Harry and Bella host a dinner party. When the meeting with prospective death eaters is more of a lecture than a tense scene. I do enjoy the Malfoy/Black political stuff, its one of the best things about the story...when its there. It provides a decent excuse for most of the plot, but those characters and some excellent politics just aren't there enough.

If it was the central element of the plot, then I would be calling for that instead. What I see as being the center of the plot, the changing of the past, also does not happen enough. You have to agree that the chapters lately have seemed to be more about stalling than advancing the plot, bar the most recent, which still didn't resolve much at all.

T3t
01-29-2011, 01:57 AM
So far so good, but this confused me:
"We never got to finish our duel back in DADA last semester," James growled as he stepped forward, drawing his wand from his belt. "How about we finish it now? Or are you scared, Black?"
We later learn in the story that they're twp(?) years apart, so what is he talking about?gl

Sesc
02-21-2011, 07:10 PM
Updated. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/16/Delenda_Est)

The Voldemort situation pretty much worked out exactly as I predicted.

No big duels, and instead a quick escape, since Harry can break the Imperius Curse. Also, I like the relationship angle -- putting Bella into Lily's dorm for is quite forced, though. The reasoning is too flimsy to hide the author's intention of inserting conflict.

T3t
02-21-2011, 09:13 PM
Yeah, that was a bit blunt. Still, progression along one major plot point. Nice to know Orion isn't as oblivious as he seemed to be.

Lindsey
02-21-2011, 10:02 PM
This fic is going further and further downhill for me.

Voldemort and his Death Eaters are now just wtf-are-you-guys-doing and Harry is beyond oblivious and even more idiotic than canon. It doesn't help that he is suppose to be bad ass from what happened in his time and now is acting like a chicken with his head chopped off.

Bellatrix is nearing the point of being a Mary-Sue and the Blacks being muggle lovers. Dear lord, where is the Black's insanity?

3/5 for me and going downhill rapidly. This at one time was a 4.5/5.

gbbz
02-21-2011, 11:31 PM
Dear lord, where is the Black's insanity?

Dear Lord, flat characters, why does everybody love them?

T3t
02-22-2011, 01:46 AM
They weren't all insane; the only one we have fair proof of is Sirius' mother, and that's likely near the end of her life. Also, remember, we get things from an inevitably biased perspective. The winners write the history books... or the family history.

Consider, if you will: the Blacks are supposedly rich and politically powerful prior to them all dying off. That doesn't really mesh with true insanity (prejudice, sure, but not severe mental instability).

Lindsey
02-22-2011, 02:33 AM
I guess you guys are right to a certain extent.

All the Blacks in James and Lily's time, save Sirius and Andromeda, were Death Eaters or married Death Eaters. Obviously they did not care about killing Mudbloods and regardless with how cunning Voldemort is (which he is not in this fic) the prejudice had to stem from how they were raised.

This is the same family that disowned Andromeda from marrying a Muggleborn, disowned Sirius for leaving the house (to stay with another Pureblood) and had the least popular Hogwarts headmaster ever.

When I read about them in this fic, nothing screams blood purist to me, they seem dull, even Bellatrix whom should at least be unpredictable.

Maybe I just love Of Blacks and Malfoys too much and this Black family just feels so dull and boring compared to the Blacks in that amazing fic.

T3t
02-22-2011, 03:16 AM
To be honest, you have a point. Orion and Bellatrix are the only Blacks who play a significant role in the story, and neither are very deeply characterized. I don't really mind revisionism in terms of their views on blood purity, as that's what fanfiction is for - making shit up XD

aaltwal
02-22-2011, 03:23 AM
Still a 5/5 for me. It's one of the rare Harry/Bellatrix stories that's excellently written and has an engaging plot.

psihary
02-22-2011, 06:17 AM
Well I just followed the link for the chapter update, and read the part with Harry escaping from Voldemort, and it was rather disappointing.

Harry thinking what to do next, should have been the point after he brakes the Imperius curse, and not while he is under it.
The casual wave with wand and throw fiendfyre then turning around to blow a hole in the wall, could have been an awesome scene, but what I read was blunt and lacked imagination...

Overall, very disappointing beginning of the chapter. Hopefully the rest is somewhat better.

kpjam
02-22-2011, 08:33 AM
I thought it was a solid update. The writer isn't very good at action sequences, they seemed either bland or totally expected.

I agree that the moving Bella to Lily's dorm seemed especially forced.

Harry being clueless, well, it's not like in canon he was ever bright, and what he's been through between canon and this story doesn't lead itself to make me believe he ever became more effective in planning so I don't mind. Maybe a bit disappointing, but not troublesome from a characterization perspective.

I like the characterization and depiction of the wizarding world. Bella, while not quite a mary-sue is interesting and he's caracterized her in a way that is almost beleivable to grow into the lunatic from the future. A princess that was bored and power hungry without much to care for. In the scene where she runs I was postulating that if we want to believe this is the real history of canon, if Harry hadn't gone back would Bella have joined? Would she have taken the truth serum and failed, being imperiosed by Lestrange until she complied, or barely passed and gotten slowly dragged in further because she had no anchor, even tenius to sanity?

Sirius is a brat, and from my reading his break-up with the family is as much his fault as thiers, which doesn't break canon. Orion can be proud of his blood status without being a muggle hater, it's common in aristocricy to be proud of the bloodlines.

Anyway. A decent update.

Sin Saiori
04-28-2011, 04:56 PM
Updated. Was okay but felt a little too bland. A lot of 'he said, she said.'

Also, it seems like Harry is taking to his role as Orion's puppet a little too well. I'm noticing a little less independent thought from him every chapter. Could just be me though.

T3t
04-28-2011, 05:24 PM
You're right, and it seems like he's slipping back into the role of taking orders, as it were. I'm not sure if it's deliberate but it actually makes sense for that to happen - in the original timeline, Harry didn't function independently like he did in DH. He still had Dumbledore's orders to follow.

Shouldabeenadog
04-28-2011, 06:24 PM
I realized I've never actually put a 4.5/5 rating on this.

I agree with the above, and will further point out that the feel I get from harry is that he is plottting something, but we the reader's aren't up on it. He doesn't have the lost and confused feel of typical harry not having info and being led around by the nose. He feels confident and meticulous, though a bit passive, like he is waiting for something.

T3t
05-04-2011, 01:21 AM
That was a fast update...

The plot moves forward - a little. This seemed very much a filler chapter.. I can't imagine that anything but the very end will matter, really.

samkar
05-04-2011, 03:44 AM
Is nobody here irritated that the writer never specified this as an alternative reality past to Harry's? He writes as if Harry thinks it is his universe's past which makes no real sense to me because it doesn't match cannon past by a large margin. Really frustrating.

T3t
05-04-2011, 03:56 AM
As for the setting of the story, we're operating under the idea that books six and seven didn't quite turn out as they did in the canon. Most notably, they never figured out the horcruxes. Harry and the gang graduated and wandered off into the world to help the Order to fight Voldemort.

...yeah, that's the first chapter's A/N.

psihary
05-04-2011, 04:06 AM
Is nobody here irritated that the writer never specified this as an alternative reality past to Harry's? He writes as if Harry thinks it is his universe's past which makes no real sense to me because it doesn't match cannon past by a large margin. Really frustrating.

In case Narcissa doesn't get further involved with Lucius then the author will pretty much confirm that Harry's actions do have an impact on the future. Whether that happens or not, we'll probably see in the coming chapters. But no, I don't find it frustrating.

The update was not bad. I thought that the dialog with Dumbledore lacked something, but then very few write Dumbledore well.

kpjam
05-04-2011, 09:30 AM
It's not so much that the past changed, it just feels that there are slight alterations each couple chapters. Most notably with the ages. It feels like the author(s) didn't sit down and write out how old each of the characters are. I can accept global changes from canon that are consistent within the story, but I don't feel that reassurance when I read this fic.

The latest chapter feels rushed, the beginning parts didn't work that well for me. Harry's conversations all felt rushed and incomplete.

The plot moves on, but including the rooster out of the blue felt more like comic relief and a distraction from the plot just thrown in.

KrzaQ
05-04-2011, 10:04 AM
He's going to kill the basilisk, what's wrong with that?

kpjam
05-04-2011, 10:56 AM
He's going to kill the basilisk, what's wrong with that?

There's nothing definitely wrong with it. It's has to do with presentation and how it folds into the rest of the story.
Is Harry systematically going about trying to take away potential things that might Help the Dark Lord, or did this just pop into his head? If it just popped into his head, it feels a bit false. The little actions and sup-plots build into the overall story. Right now, the way this was presented, doesn't work for me. I may have missed it, but if he had thought, mentioned, eluded to in a way other then to shut Bella up that he had actions he was going to take, it wouldn't feel as weak as it does to me right now.

The story has good points. I like the politics, and the alternate presentation of past happenings, it just certain plot points feels unpolished and a bit jarring.

Trig
05-04-2011, 11:08 AM
Is Harry systematically going about trying to take away potential things that might Help the Dark Lord, or did this just pop into his head?

He knows that he's only going to stay at Hogwarts for the rest of the year, after that he's supposed to take a position in the ministry. His time at Hogwarts is limited and that's why he's going to get rid of the basilisk sooner rather than later.

It was clearly mentioned in this chapter.

Tenages
05-04-2011, 11:18 AM
Is nobody here irritated that the writer never specified this as an alternative reality past to Harry's? He writes as if Harry thinks it is his universe's past which makes no real sense to me because it doesn't match cannon past by a large margin. Really frustrating.

I thought it was fairly obvious that this is an AU past. What with Harry going back and living in it and all. But that's just me.

As for shit before Harry went back? I think the writer meant it as canon past. Whether he got it right or not doesn't really affect the story at all though.

I really don't see how this is annoying. Whatever events happened, they set and drive the story forward. It makes no difference whether it's AU or canon, and I don't see how Harry's beliefs make a difference either.

samkar
05-04-2011, 12:20 PM
I thought it was fairly obvious that this is an AU past. What with Harry going back and living in it and all. But that's just me.

As for shit before Harry went back? I think the writer meant it as canon past. Whether he got it right or not doesn't really affect the story at all though.

I really don't see how this is annoying. Whatever events happened, they set and drive the story forward. It makes no difference whether it's AU or canon, and I don't see how Harry's beliefs make a difference either.

Sure it's obvious to us that this in an AU past but it's not obvious to Harry because according to the story I've read until now Harry there thinks it is his past when he arrived.

The frustrating part to me is that I don't know if this is the writer's imagination of how the past looked which definitely doesn't match any kind of cannon past at all.

It's like the writer writes Lily with the eye color of blue and Harry doesn't see anything wrong with that. While the reader would wonder wtf is going on here, has the writer no clue about the world's facts or is Harry stupid not noticing this.

P.S. For AU facts, redefinition of the Black family, ages of persons(Andromeda is still in the family while Nymphadora would be born by now) , the way Voldemort operates by using the youth first, Harry having Voldemort's original wand and probably a lot more.

Pirazy
05-04-2011, 01:12 PM
The part I find most frustrating about this story is Harry's gradual regression into awkward schoolboy when he ended up at Hogwarts, more specifically his interaction with the older characters in positions of authority. Every time he's talking to either Dumbledore or Orion or anyone else Harry somehow has a natural submissive attitude towards it feels like he's been de-aged ten years and is about to get a detention for being a naughty boy.

I liked him better when he acted like he had a pair, kicked ass and didn't bother with taking names. Maybe things will improve when his employment ends and he can start acting more independently instead of constantly looking over his shoulder, seeking the approval of whomever is currently holding his leash. Then again, with Dumbledore's interest in him I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up teaching another subject, just so Dumbledore can keep an eye on him, and maybe guilt him into revealing a little more information, like he did in the recent chapter with remarkable ease.

Either way I'm hoping for seeing more of the Harry that ended a riot single-handedly and then got invited to dinner at the Black family where he made an impression with his reasonable outlook on the current political climate in Britain and less of this insecure, stuttering child that can't stop studying his shoes.

Tenages
05-04-2011, 01:12 PM
I just assumed that it was either AU or, more realistically, he just didn't bother to make sure facts were in line with canon. Either way it doesn't bother me that much because it's not important to the story or the world going forward. What is important are the way things are now.

freak
05-04-2011, 01:35 PM
In canon, Voldemort started his terror campaign from 1970.

But according to this story it looks like either voldemort starts his campaign from 1976 or Lily and James are much much older when Harry is born meaning that they didn't have right out of Hogwarts.

Catman
05-04-2011, 03:20 PM
I don't think there is any canon evidence as to the exact year the first war started, only that it ended in 1981.

And though I hate taking the wiki as evidence, since nobody seems to understand what referencing your sources means, it says that James, Lily, the Marauders and Snape and all those guys were born 1960. So if this is their fourth year, its 1974 right now. Since Crabbe and Goyle were already his followers before all the other Slytherins were approached, we can assume hes been recruiting since the beginning of the school year, summer of 74.

So I don't think there is any chronological issue between this fic and canon.

Shymer
05-04-2011, 03:38 PM
We know the war started in 1970 in canon.

"You can't blame them," said Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years."

That's Dumbledore talking to McGonagall in 1981. First chapter of the first book.

But I don't think it matters to Delenda Est because we know it's in a alternate dimension: Chapter 7

"When the artifact was activated in my future . . . it changed things.""My future is gone," Harry announced, trying to harden himself by admitting the fact aloud. "It has been cut away as one would prune a branch from a tree. For all intents in purposes, I'm in an . . . alternate reality . . . except I no longer have my own reality to return to."

samkar
05-04-2011, 05:29 PM
We know the war started in 1970 in canon.



That's Dumbledore talking to McGonagall in 1981. First chapter of the first book.

But I don't think it matters to Delenda Est because we know it's in a alternate dimension: Chapter 7

It only implies that he thinks he rewrites his reality's history now and not some alternate's reality's probable history. How would he otherwise assume that there's no old reality anymore.

Anarchy
05-04-2011, 06:05 PM
The chapter was fine. The story is still very good.

I agree with the assessment that this is '74. The fourth years (marauders + lily) would be 14/15, so in 6 years, Harry would be born. The Blacks +Malfoys ages are off (by six years or more), but so what, the whole point of writing a story is to make it believable, which it is. If I wanted to read canon, I'd read canon. The timeline vs canon inconsistency has been in the story for a year, I don't see the reason to bring it up now because the author has been doing a good job with it.

And Harry's fine. It was just last chapter when he confronted Voldemort and lit his house on fire with fiendfye. Seems boss to me.

freak
05-04-2011, 06:46 PM
Actually, it is one of the best chapters until now.

In all other chapters Harry seems a little submissive.

Pirazy
05-06-2011, 03:01 AM
And Harry's fine. It was just last chapter when he confronted Voldemort and lit his house on fire with fiendfye. Seems boss to me.

That was indeed quite boss of him. What wasn't boss, however, was being gullible as fuck and not expecting Voldemort to backstab once he agreed to the imperius. It is this inconsistency that bother me the most.

Catman
05-06-2011, 04:46 AM
That was indeed quite boss of him. What wasn't boss, however, was being gullible as fuck and not expecting Voldemort to backstab once he agreed to the imperius. It is this inconsistency that bother me the most.

How was he being gullible? He had confidence in himself to be able to break the imperius and use that as an opportunity to escape. He then proceeds to break the imperius, and use it as an opportunity to escape.

Xiph0
05-09-2011, 12:37 AM
Just caught up with this, good fic.

Potterondrugs
05-09-2011, 09:40 PM
Just caught up with this, good fic.
Dam now I have to re-read this mofo........ I started out reading this to waste time until Lost Time got an update....:(

T3t
05-12-2011, 12:10 AM
Awesome update rate continues.
Excellent chapter, if I'm going to be honest. The plot continues to move forward at a respectable clip, Harry isn't sitting around being lazy, etc. etc.

Anarchy
05-12-2011, 02:27 AM
I like the new chapter a lot. There was one or two grammar errors, ex: "Thus, I still more about some things than you."

I like how the chapter ended, I wasn't expecting it at all. This is one of the few stories out there that I actively enjoy reading and waiting for updates. So, 5/5 from me.

Kurufinwe
05-12-2011, 05:04 AM
New update pretty nice. Cliff-hanger at the end and new awsome spell, bit over too powerful but I love stories with powerful Harry and this slowly take direction in this, even though he was little newb and lame at beginning.

Pirazy
05-12-2011, 02:17 PM
New chapter rocked my face sufficiently.

And when I reread the previous chapter I realized I skimmed over the parts of Harry's conversation with Albus where he made it clear he was intentionally folding to Albus pressure and letting him in on the situation. My bad.

azrael
05-12-2011, 02:38 PM
The ending was definitely the best part of this chapter; I found the interactions between Harry and Bellatrix somewhat annoying.

SilverOtter
05-12-2011, 05:13 PM
I've always enjoyed Harry/Bellatrix pairings but this one is a bit different, I don't really care for the whole Harry goes back in time thing. Harry sending his memories back to his younger body is ok but time travel in general is a bit of a killer for me.

Xiph0
05-12-2011, 07:37 PM
Son of a bitch...

Edit:

I've always enjoyed Harry/Bellatrix pairings but this one is a bit different, I don't really care for the whole Harry goes back in time thing. Harry sending his memories back to his younger body is ok but time travel in general is a bit of a killer for me.

Why even check this subforum then?

Azotez
05-13-2011, 03:57 PM
I think the whole "sending your memories back in time" is much worse than normal time travel. A story about an 11 year old pwning the world, gets boring fast and writers tend to get stuck in the same loop, 1 year+.
I'd much rather read about a teenager that people can take seriously, doing the same which has some original plot.

Delenda Est is pretty awesome and this new chapter had an unexpected twist in the end that I definitely did not see coming. The world has pretty much been turned upside down and Harry will have to step up his game fast if he is to prevent Voldemort's rise to power.

T3t
05-19-2011, 12:49 AM
Decent chapter, though it didn't seem as polished as the rest.

Anarchy
05-19-2011, 03:06 AM
I liked the new chapter all the way up until the Gringotts scene at the end. It could have been written a lot better. Both the Gringotts and fight scene investigation seemed very rushed. While I do like that there has been an update every week, I wouldn't cry if they spent a few extra days polishing the chapters up to be on par with the rest of the story.

psihary
05-19-2011, 03:45 AM
I liked the new chapter all the way up until the Gringotts scene at the end. It could have been written a lot better. Both the Gringotts and fight scene investigation seemed very rushed.

This ^.

Also, we keep on getting hints on Harry's apparent "combat experience" from his future/past, but beside those sporadic hints we've seen nothing of his character that points to a person who has any experience in actual fighting, or at least his character is not handled well enought to leave such a feeling about him.
Because of that, sentences like this one annoy the shit out of me:

To Harry's somewhat practiced eye, it appeared the tactics employed by the Death Eaters were sporadic at best.

And when would people stop writing in a way that paints the Death eaters as a goddamn military unit, and instead write them as a people with magical powers who went to blow some shit up and cause chaos.

... at least we haven't seen a sigh of Voldemort's "lieutenants"... yet, so that is plus.

Oruma
05-19-2011, 04:55 AM
Just caught up with this. It's pretty decent, although I too wish Harry is more uniformly written whether as a badass or a pussy.

I'm beginning to think that Romulus will be assassinated in his house when Lucius brings the currently homeless Dark Lord into Malfoy manor.

knight504
05-19-2011, 10:38 AM
And when would people stop writing in a way that paints the Death eaters as a goddamn military unit, and instead write them as a people with magical powers who went to blow some shit up and cause chaos.

... at least we haven't seen a sigh of Voldemort's "lieutenants"... yet, so that is plus.

I think you're misreading. Their actions are being described from a military perspective but they're not being viewed as a military force. You could say that a wolf's "tactics" for capturing a deer are "sporadic" but it's quite obviously not beign described as a soldier.

Pirazy
05-19-2011, 03:07 PM
Careful there Harry, you're two steps away from being accused of being one of the Dark Lord's minions, if not the Dark Lord himself.

Oruma
05-20-2011, 01:29 AM
Eagerly expecting exactly that to happen.

The Berkeley Hunt
05-20-2011, 09:16 AM
I really liked Harry having a more proactive role with Romulus and Cygnus. His blind obedience was okay for a while, but finally it seems he is coming into his own as a real entity in the new world. Hopefully more of this.

Euro
05-20-2011, 04:44 PM
Exactly! I liked how Harry took control in the Minister's office. Then the bank happened, where blundering Harry showed himself. It's such mixed signals and is frustrating. Maybe he's meant to be like this only around Bellatrix, but you'd think that he'd be a little more used to her by now.

Looking forward to more either way though. 4/5.

Xiph0
05-20-2011, 09:39 PM
Author better not make him Bellatrix's bitch.

azrael
05-20-2011, 09:46 PM
I think he already did :( The Harry/Bellatrix interaction is actually the weakest part of this story so far, in my opinion.

T3t
05-24-2011, 09:05 PM
Excellent chapter, much better than the last one. I felt that pretty much every part was done well.

Sin Saiori
05-24-2011, 09:40 PM
Definitely. Within the last couple chapters, things have been moving at a pretty steady clip and now Harry's in the perfect position to begin his resistance.

TheWiseKetchup
05-24-2011, 11:56 PM
I'm beginning to think that Romulus will be assassinated in his house when Lucius brings the currently homeless Dark Lord into Malfoy manor.

Called it.

Nice update, although I'm wishing that more happened in each chapter. They've just seemed short lately. Will probably wait until there's a nice chunk I can read in one go.

Hopefully Harry will start to show a bit of backbone and get into a few fights soon. All this preparation is becoming a bit grating. I want to see him lay the smack down on a few DE's.

Oruma
05-25-2011, 01:42 AM
Enjoyed it, looking forward to moar.

Slightly surprised that Cygnus bought it so quickly, though.

Hmm, now that the gods-be-damned Minister himself and one of his chief backers (Rommy, we hardly know ye...) are dead, Harry will be wanted and feared by all. Romulus went down like a boss.

Given the situation, Director Prewitt will probably become Interim Minister.

Harry will probably be suspected given his survival, especially if he emerged as head of House Black AND Malfoy (boy, will Lucius and Tom be pissed.) (In fact Lucius will be in for a world of pain.) and become more powerful than ever; that is, if he managed to survive Walburga's rage and all.
Prediction: go into political arena, for now anyway, while Dumbledore & co. were suspicious as hell of him.

The Berkeley Hunt
05-25-2011, 02:43 AM
My thoughts on the events in this chapter: SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

Not at all expecting Cygnus. Also, pretty impressed with the magic usage here, some smart plays that made it way more interesting. Romulus' flares were boss, as was Voldemort not being like 'Im so powerful ima just bust in there like the Kool Aid guy'. Actually takes opportunities to snipe, and uses stealth to end fights rather than brute force. Fun.

Also, Im not sure where Harry can go after this. I don't want him to join the order, but I cant see another way he'd be effectively able to fight.

Really impressed with this chapter, raised the Holy Shit Quotient by quite a bit.

Pirazy
05-25-2011, 03:17 AM
This fic sure has been heating up these past chapters, suddenly Harry is left with only a shitload of money, an inexperienced Bellatrix Black and 4 snotnosed kids. He pretty much has to go to Dumbledore now if he wants any chance at influencing the ministry because Prewitt sure as hell ain't gonna listen to anything he has to say without an oath acting as a leash. And no good would come of using his recently aquired wealth to buy his way in, that'd just move him faster up the list of suspects and make him a target of not only Voldemort but Prewitt and Dumbledore too.

Though I have to say I'm a little disappointed that Harry never brought up the possibility to his backers that Voldemort would go after the family heads in order to move his followers into positions of power. Not to mention holding not-so-secret meetings at a location where one of Voldemort's followers could come and go as he please and apparently bring in any guests he wanted.

It'll be interesting to see what will become of the Black family now that they're pretty much bankrupt and the two most influential members are dead, I'm looking forward to a confrontation between Harry, Walburga and Druella over Bellatrix, put those old harpies in their place. :)

Anarchy
05-25-2011, 03:38 AM
Good chapter, even though I still say he should do an extra read through before posting, as there was probably a dozen (minor) spelling mistakes.

I was caught off guard with the attack, and was very surprised at Harry's outcome, and I agree that it seems like the Order is the only choice, other than Harry starting something himself. I'm surprised it happened this early, I liked the character interactions with them, and I was almost certain the elder Malfoy was up to something with how much emphasis the author was on making him seem distracted.

And as always, moar.

Sesc
05-25-2011, 03:48 AM
Nah, I don't think that. I think he actually will call in the Black headship. Marrying Bellatrix will also be sped up; she'll push for it as soon as she's thinking clearly again. And then, he'll try to create his own side. That he's the Head of Black should actually work in his favour with Walburga and Druella, because they'd want the money to stay in the family, which it will be, if he marries Bellatrix.

The most important thing will be to set himself up as the new Black quickly, and try to keep as many contacts of Orion and Romulus' network as possible. If he does it fast enough and decisively enough, he could probably catch some of them off-guard enough to pull it off. People look for leadership now, if he provides it, they might follow. In the same way, I'm not convinced Prewitt will get the Minister post he wants. It could well be that it turns out he needs Harry's help for that, which allows Harry to drive up the price. He's not out of the picture by any stretch.


And I don't want him to go to Dumbledore, in any case. Shit's lame as, and it would be Dumbledore running the show. At least with Orion and Romulus, it was some sort of partnership. Hopefully, if he gets that idea, Bellatrix will nix it before he's even finished speaking.

Euro
05-25-2011, 04:18 AM
SO is it time for Harry to not be anyone's little bitch-poodle anymore?

Power - check
Money - check
Tom "angry" at him - check
Bitches going for him - check

I think it's time.

samkar
05-25-2011, 05:58 AM
He would still have the option to contact the Potter family which wasn't discussed at all yet.

The Berkeley Hunt
05-25-2011, 06:34 AM
No goddamn way. Potter family reunion would be the lamest thing to happen to this fic, worse than the order.

Im going with Sesc on this one, if he can call in the political power of the Black name with the cash to back it he could just move straight into the big leagues without old man assistance.

KrzaQ
05-25-2011, 07:15 AM
I would like to see some partnership with Dumbledore going on. Definitely not him joining the Order, but I want them both in fight against Voldemort. And he has to learn from someone.

gbbz
05-25-2011, 07:26 AM
Headship of the Black family is the logical choice.

Especially when Bellatrix get her's wits about. With all the money he now has he'll be able to get into Politics. Though any position will probably be delayed until (future) minister Prewitt starts to get desperate.

I think he'll keep the kids (Potter and the rest) out of it. It'd be so OOC for Harry to put anyone in direct danger if he could stop it. And I'd like to think he'll stay clear of Dumbledore for the time being. He'll continue what Orion started. Going to Dumbledore would essentially mean he's an impotent moron with no vision of his own. Let's not forget that last time following Dumbledore resulted in Voldemort's triumph.

samkar
05-25-2011, 08:33 AM
No goddamn way. Potter family reunion would be the lamest thing to happen to this fic, worse than the order.

Im going with Sesc on this one, if he can call in the political power of the Black name with the cash to back it he could just move straight into the big leagues without old man assistance.

I don't say it would be exciting but the option wasn't even thought about yet. It's as if they are a non entity.

---------- Post automerged at 14:33 ---------- Previous post was at 14:23 ----------

Headship of the Black family is the logical choice.

Especially when Bellatrix get her's wits about. With all the money he now has he'll be able to get into Politics. Though any position will probably be delayed until (future) minister Prewitt starts to get desperate.

I think he'll keep the kids (Potter and the rest) out of it. It'd be so OOC for Harry to put anyone in direct danger if he could stop it. And I'd like to think he'll stay clear of Dumbledore for the time being. He'll continue what Orion started. Going to Dumbledore would essentially mean he's an impotent moron with no vision of his own. Let's not forget that last time following Dumbledore resulted in Voldemort's triumph.

I agree that just joining Dumbledore would be boring but I can't really see him replacing Orion either because he completely lacks any kinds of contacts and a 18 year old Bellatrix surely can't really fix that either.
Who is there who Harry could really go to besides Dumbledore? Moody, if he wouldn't be so close to Dumbledore here, maybe. Bones? Is Amelia even a factor yet? Unless Black was somehow involved with people which would now contact Harry I can't really see much options there.

hgf
05-25-2011, 03:26 PM
There's plenty of people aware that he was giving advice to the minister, some even suspecting that he and Malfoy were actually running the show, so if he established himself as the head of the Black family I wouldn't be surprised if he gained some sort of status in the ministry. On the other hand people would be fairly suspicious of the circumstances concerning Cygnus' and Malfoy's deaths if word got out so I doubt many would actually trust him. It'll be interesting to see what the author does.

freak
05-26-2011, 07:55 AM
This is the perfect time for Harry to retaliate.

This is also the perfect time to ruin the story.

The Berkeley Hunt
05-27-2011, 09:34 AM
I don't say it would be exciting but the option wasn't even thought about yet. It's as if they are a non entity.

Because, for all intents and purposes, they are a non-entity. If you look at it in terms of plot, James Potter is too young to do anything, and the elder potters are just that, elderly. The name might have some standing, but politically there would be no real advantage in contacting the Potters. In terms of writing, the tone would be at odds with the fic. Delenda Est is a darker, political, actiony thing. There is no way one of those awkward, sappy home-coming, 'Ive always belonged here' scenes would ever work amidst the tension of the story. And no, you cannot do one of those scenes without it being sappy and stupid.

So basically, Harry doesn't contact the Potters.

Oruma
05-31-2011, 12:36 PM
New chapter, mostly transition as all sides deal with the aftermath of the events of the previous chapter.

I don't know what to think about Moody's method of communication. That he and Harry had to check a lamp post out in the open, possibly at least once a day? What about Constant-V?

gbbz
05-31-2011, 12:43 PM
I'd concentrate more on the fact that Harry is finally his own man. He has a clear goal and means to achieve it.

Bellatrix is out of the picture for the time being, unless she drops out.

I don't know what to make of this story. It started very ordinarily, then it became some political intrigue, and finally it settled for 'it's all up to Harry' routine (with two witches by his side).

It's changing focus faster than some stories update.

fanficlover
05-31-2011, 01:01 PM
Happy that it's being updated fast, although a certain amount of quality is being sacrificed I guess.

Still decent enough to read though- hopefully the plot will not fizzle out

Sesc
05-31-2011, 01:08 PM
"Had you been more involved in the political negotiations made by the Black family, you would have spent the night rallying their allies. As it is, Davian Prewitt did that."

Lol. Seems like a direct response to this thread, or it was just that logical. But boo, no political!Harry :(

At least he's not joining the Order either. Though this could mean that the story now goes back to idling around, with Harry not doing anything. He's got no real idea what he wants to do now, or did I miss something? The only really active player here is Voldemort.

Kurufinwe
05-31-2011, 01:14 PM
Rather average chapter. Oruma I myself liked the idea with lamp :) Now rather interesting is that all death eaters are after Harry. Maybe they will kidnap Bella to lure him?

freak
05-31-2011, 01:27 PM
, and finally it settled for 'it's all up to Harry' routine (with two witches by his side).
.

I don't think we can count Lily as a 'witch by his side'.

So, who is the other one?

Oruma
05-31-2011, 01:54 PM
Rather average chapter. Oruma I myself liked the idea with lamp :) Now rather interesting is that all death eaters are after Harry. Maybe they will kidnap Bella to lure him?
It's not a bad idea per se, I just thought that Moody'd be more paranoid than using such a public location for contact. Unless, of course, it's the authors setting up a plot point/backdoor/whatever to give Voldie & the DEs a chance to ambush Harry & Moody later on.
(i.e. they learned of these two frequenting and checking the lamp post often, set up attack, ten good men lost their lives that sort of thing)

I wonder if Cygnus, who was after all the Minister for Magic, will get a public funeral. If not it's very probable that Bella will be attacked, if not the other Blacks as well.

@gbbz: I felt that Harry's still pussyfooting, not yet his own man. Hopefully that'll change soon; after all, with the DEs after him it's time he starts dosing out badassery. He BETTER.

gbbz
05-31-2011, 02:51 PM
I don't think we can count Lily as a 'witch by his side'.

So, who is the other one?

He did give her the RING!

knight504
05-31-2011, 03:48 PM
He did give her the RING!
Because she's probably gonna need her ass saving in the future, not because she's useful.

gbbz
05-31-2011, 04:29 PM
Because she's probably gonna need her ass saving in the future, not because she's useful.

Maybe. But you have no idea how useful she could've become. He'll save her lovable buttocks, and disclose his origins, or she'll be one of the components of his hit-squad.

Either way, Lily has some role to play.

TheWiseKetchup
06-01-2011, 02:35 AM
Harry has the One Ring, he just needs to give out a few more now before he can start his rivalry with Voldemort.

Didn't like the lampost. Convoluted, unnecessary and clumsy. Protean charm on a coin anyone?

I want to see Harry take his hand to a few DE's...God knows he isn't doing anything else.

Kurufinwe
06-01-2011, 11:03 AM
Wise Tomato, if its protean charm on coin like you suggest, there will be opinions about imitating DA and that it was done thousand times. About DE, well it's all look now when he had stopped playing school and there will be some action. Comparing to LOTR also isn't funny in my opinion. Any work on this site isn't even near the league of this classic. It's like comparing yourself to God.

Catman
06-01-2011, 11:47 AM
Except Lord of the Rings is real.

..



.



.

...

sorry

TheWiseKetchup
06-02-2011, 07:24 AM
Wise Tomato, if its protean charm on coin like you suggest, there will be opinions about imitating DA and that it was done thousand times. About DE, well it's all look now when he had stopped playing school and there will be some action. Comparing to LOTR also isn't funny in my opinion. Any work on this site isn't even near the league of this classic. It's like comparing yourself to God.


The English language has been done a thousand times too, and we Australians/Americans are such terrible imitators. Bastards, aren't we?

I don't see why the DA doing the Protean is a valid reason for an author to avoid it unless they completely lack originality and throw it on a galleon coin. The lampost route is awkward and complicated. If it isn't a major plot detail and takes a reader a few times to read something over to make sense of it, ur doin it rong.

Your sentence on the DE's is confusing. Grammar please.

Opinion on LOTR is subjective. Also, if you'd go back and read my previous post, you'd note my witty use of the sarcasm font when talking about the Rings.

Nooblet
06-13-2011, 02:24 PM
Updated (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5511855/23/)

Excellent family drama, although not much happening on Harry's end

freak
06-13-2011, 02:45 PM
I like the way bellatrix is thinking.
The chapter is a bit short.

Sesc
06-13-2011, 03:00 PM
Really? I rather thought this chapter could have been produced by the worse half of the author-duo. It was written in a really bland way, had ridiculously overpowered spells (Harry casting this illusion spell across the entirety of Britain, the new method of travelling which goes through every and any protection -- both of which will lead to serious dramaturgical problems since Harry can now escape from anywhere, any time) and a magical core.

Bellatrix's part was better, but that was only the last bit. All in all, a quite weak chapter (and I didn't even mention the shopping trip).

Moloch
06-13-2011, 04:22 PM
Stupefy Multipli- whatever the fuck he said.

I wanted to punch a baby.

se7en
06-13-2011, 04:48 PM
I thought that this chapter was a little disappointing, but I like that Bellatrix's side is moving along faster than I thought it would.

kpjam
06-13-2011, 04:56 PM
I try not to respond when I have nothing new to add but...

The Bella parts were pretty good.
The Harry parts were horseshit (at best).

hgf
06-13-2011, 05:52 PM
I really hoped that the Hogwarts protections had bitchslapped Harry hard when he tried the phoenix fire thing.

Sin Saiori
06-13-2011, 07:50 PM
The Harry-side of the story is pretty consistent so far: overly complicated and not too well thought out.

The Bella-side is definitely getting better every chapter. Her character seemed to start out a little flimsy, but she's certainly grown a backbone knowing just who Lord Black is now.

Provis
06-13-2011, 11:38 PM
I agree with the previous comments about how the Bellatrix portions were superior to Harry's portions; however, people are neglecting to mention the best use ever for the image projection spell—impersonating Dumbledore just to mess with people.

Sin Saiori
06-14-2011, 12:59 AM
I'm a little worried that the projection spell is gonna get abused out the ass. Goes through wards? Check. No risk? Check. Can impersonate anyone? Check. Seemingly the only downside is the strain it puts on Harry to cast and maintain it, but it's only going to get easier as he practices with it more.

Shymer
06-14-2011, 03:00 AM
I totally agree with Sesc about this update, I think this is the worst chapter of the story.

The shopping trip seems like a badly written filler, the "stupify multiplicitus" made me want to kick a puppy, the projection charm should be more limited otherwise it would be to easy for Harry: he does the spell and hey! He wins every fight, bypass every protection and is awesome... End of story.

The Bellatrix part is, like everyone said, much better... It didn't mean that it was that good, just that the Harry part was that bad.

Positive point: how the Blacks see the Harry/Bella relationship. I'd like to see their reaction when they realize Harry is the Black Boss.

1.5/5 for this chapter. Can do better.

Kurufinwe
06-14-2011, 05:32 AM
I totally agree with above. It was shown that it can be done better - only 1.5/5 for chapter,

aaltwal
06-14-2011, 09:17 AM
Phoenix fire transportation? Wtf?

This was one of my favorite stories before, a very engaging plot and excellently written characters. The Voldemort chase scene was superb, and the politics intriguing. Then he murders half the important characters in a single chapter. Shit.

Pirazy
06-14-2011, 02:32 PM
I guess I'm one of the few who didn't have that many problems with this chapter, Harry's still being way to passive but it appears to be leftover habit from when he was basically fighting the war in the future by himself and had to be so cautious Moody himself would say "dude, wtf?". Luckily Bella's started to prod him about it so hopefully we'll get to see some Guerilla!Harry creeping around in the night, murdering death eaters sleeping in their beds, see how Voldemort likes his tricks used against him.

Though I have to say I was quite disappointed that Harry didn't seize the opportunity that fell into his lap and use the thugs to capture their employer. He should take every chance he can get to weaken Voldemort's forces, what else is gonna be doing with his time? Might as well capture, interrogate and kill every death eater he comes across. Considering the future he's seen I'm surprised he's fighting this war so cleanly..

Bellatrix part was rocking, Black family drama just exploded and I can't wait for Harry and Bella to choke those insolent harpies to death.

@Sesc
What about the shopping trip bothered you? He just did the very sensible thing and prepared hidden caches of money and supplies in case he had to get the fuck out of wherever he might stay. It's not as if he went into Diagon Alley and bought a magical katana which used to belong to the greatest wizard ever, Naruto, or a Magic for Dummies by Merlin.

World
06-14-2011, 03:16 PM
The shopping trip smelled like "Hurr, Ima buy a super-trunk and live in it". It's not, not really, but it's still a tad too close for those battered by the usual, cliché-ridden independant-plot. Buying a case of wands? Why?

What bothered me way more was the Multiple Stupefy. It's just ... fail.

Sesc
06-14-2011, 03:25 PM
@Pirazy: Yes, that's why I didn't make it my main point :p


This is something general. Generally, I like my scenes to have at least one clear purpose, and better yet two (or more, if I'm really good).

A shopping trip, on its own, has no purpose. It ranks exactly equal with writing a scene about brushing teeth or visiting the loo. It's utterly unimportant, and belongs into a one sentence summary. That's the real reason the shopping chapter usually fails. If you want to have shopping, you need to find other reasons. It can be a device, but no plot.


Consider Rowling's version in PS. It's there for a number of reasons: A) To introduce a few characters. B) To offer a first glimpse into the Wizarding World. C) To kick off the PS-plot (Hagrid and the vault). That's three. The second requires a vivid imagery; otherwise it defeats the purpose. Rowling provides that, so it's fine.

Now consider this chapter. It's bland, as I said, meaning the entire thing is very bare-bones, which makes a reason like B) impossible from the get-go. This leaves just one acceptable reason for the shopping trip, and that's the confrontation with the two wizards. That would be fine, even, if the "confrontation" didn't last all of two seconds, before Harry says "Stupefy multiplicitus!" and it's over.

And I'm sorry, but a third of a chapter of build-up for something that is as lacklustre as this fight just doesn't cut it.


TL;DR: What bothered me about the shopping trip as we have it here was that it was there at all, and that the chapter didn't start with "After Harry returned from Diagon Alley, having transferred money and bought 2743 wands, he ...".

It would have been different if the trip into Diagon Alley had been either used to A) depict the atmosphere among the wizards and witches (are they a little fearful? Nervous? What do they think about the recent changes in the Ministry?), B) for a decent duel where Harry is actually in danger and possibly ventures deeper in Knockturn Alley, to find the boss, as you said, C) both of this.

As it is, however, I'd outright question the right of this scene to be in the story.

Anarchy
06-14-2011, 04:23 PM
I think the guy is trying to cram too much into this story. This story does not need a super!Harry. It's got enough going for it as is, and adding stupid stuff like "Stupefy multiplicitus!" and phoenix fire travelling is a good way to ruin a story. And I could honestly care less what 18 strongboxes full of potions, wands, and money is for.

Styx0444
06-14-2011, 06:23 PM
The phoenix fire travel spell is pretty stupid, though so far it's limited enough to not be complete shit. I didn't think the image projection spell was that bad. Unless I completely missed something, Harry just did his best Dumbledore impression when Bellatrix's back was turned. It can go through wards and stuff, yeah, but he can't physically interact with anything. It's essentially that same thing as a fire/floo-call without needing a fireplace.

The worst part of the chapter was the 'stupefy multi-whatever' spell, but I can forgive it so long as that's the only time. The case of wands sounds pretty retarded, but it might not be to bad.

Oruma
06-15-2011, 02:43 AM
Though I have to say I was quite disappointed that Harry didn't seize the opportunity that fell into his lap and use the thugs to capture their employer. He should take every chance he can get to weaken Voldemort's forces, what else is gonna be doing with his time? Might as well capture, interrogate and kill every death eater he comes across. Considering the future he's seen I'm surprised he's fighting this war so cleanly..
Was hoping he'd pay the thugs double so that they'd get him their employer. I mean, when you've got the cash, use it for Merlin's sake. :facepalm

Pirazy
06-15-2011, 10:11 AM
@Sesc
thanks for clarifying, makes a whole lot more sense to me now. Harry's lack of follow-through did indeed make the entire scene pointless, the hardly-a-duel didn't bother me since these clearly weren't top shelf opponents, just useless thugs who you probably can't walk 10 feet in Knockturn alley without stumbling over. A proper duel against their employer would have been nice, or the employer and his backup, maybe some of the students Harry ran out of Hogwarts. Because I doubt he'd have any trouble with just one of them, unless they were one of Voldemorts classmates and therefore reasonably experienced.

@Oruma
Why bother paying them when he'd already made the coward tell him everything? He would have given Harry their employer in a heartbeat after the show Harry put on for him.