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View Full Version : [Abandoned] In the Breaking by nyet khan - T - Naruto


Warsaw2
01-08-2010, 09:03 PM
Title: In the Breaking
Author: nyet khan aka eminyet
Rating: T
Chapters: 10
Words: 49,996
Updated: January 22, 2011
Published: October 4, 2008
Summary: Akatsuki lies broken and Naruto hates the world. Where does he go from here?
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4576245/1/

I was just reading Demon's Feign, Merlin's Pain, and was in the mood for a well written insane Naruto. I found this.


Checked: June 9, 2012

Noesant
01-08-2010, 09:43 PM
I read the first chapter and I have to say: the prognosis is not good.

From the get go the story reads like the author sat down at his PC and just started writing down stuff. Just stuff. This wouldn't be so bad if the stuff actually felt like it meant something. Not to mention that it's all fairly trite and reads like thousands of other insane-character fics out there. The author also seems to have a very loose grasp of commas and, perhaps, grammar in general--which would be forgivable if it felt, from the beginning, as though the story would actually end up somewhere. Not to say that it's rife with spelling errors (though I did see some typos) and other such elementary mistakes, but it leaves much to be desired.

As it stands, to me at least, it's uninteresting and hard to read. Whatever, to each his own, I suppose. I'm just being honest.

1/5 from me.

Snarf
01-09-2010, 12:24 AM
Promises made to him were never worth the breath wasted in their uttering.

Dust and ashes and living chakra, did you see the trail of infant blood or was it just a dream?

It wasn’t so bad to die then; wasn’t so bad to finally leave it all behind.

Hadn’t he been brave? Hadn’t he believed in people? Loved them? Fought for them? Never blamed them? Even when he was crying/yelling/faltering and seeing the nothing born of something?

Yeah, no. I could describe this in three words: angsty, verbose, and bad.

Andro
01-09-2010, 01:02 AM
Ouch. I'm glad I didn't write this.

Hello
01-09-2010, 10:15 PM
It gets better as Naruto progresses from a fucked up psyco to a guardian to little children, it stays verbose but most of the angst goes away. I never thought it was bad.

Jigokuno
01-17-2010, 06:43 PM
I normally drop stories instantly once they start getting hard to understand to the point it isn't fun to read anymore but strangely I decided to continue and the story can basically be summarized like this:

Spoiler!

Naruto is driven insane from dieing from having the most powerful of the Bijuu ripped from him. Dieing is made so realistic that he looks at the world differently and his outlook on the world is so strange it is near impossible to understand anything for the first few chapters but he starts to regain his sanity but with a different perspective on life and he restarts life in Kiri raising kids in a orphanage and it is actually extremely well written.

If you have the time and patients force yourself to read past the first few chapters up to the point where he meets a person from Konoha. That is where it is understandable and his first few chapters make a good deal more sense. The story is really worth getting through those chapters.

4/5

uriel
01-18-2010, 02:50 AM
I normally drop stories instantly once they start getting hard to understand to the point it isn't fun to read anymore but strangely I decided to continue and the story can basically be summarized like this:

Spoiler!

Naruto is driven insane from dieing from having the most powerful of the Bijuu ripped from him. Dieing is made so realistic that he looks at the world differently and his outlook on the world is so strange it is near impossible to understand anything for the first few chapters but he starts to regain his sanity but with a different perspective on life and he restarts life in Kiri raising kids in a orphanage and it is actually extremely well written.

If you have the time and patients force yourself to read past the first few chapters up to the point where he meets a person from Konoha. That is where it is understandable and his first few chapters make a good deal more sense. The story is really worth getting through those chapters.

4/5

Wait.. THATS what happened? I thought there was time travel involved at some point. Maybe I should re-read this.

Jigokuno
01-18-2010, 12:53 PM
Wait.. THATS what happened? I thought there was time travel involved at some point. Maybe I should re-read this.


Yea this is the first author who really brought Kiri to life for me.

~semi spoiler~

At first I wasn't sure what was going on but basically he is so out of it after dieing but living and never aging that he needs to grasp onto some thought to keep his sanity and he remembers his conversation with Haku and decides to make sure no other kids have to grow up like Haku.

The entire dieing experience and trying to bring himself back together makes a good deal more sense now that I look back on it. I think the reason I pushed through it in the first place was because I wanted to see if he could portray Kiri realistically. He did a excellent job of that.

Also it actually isn't angsty at all. The first few chapters are pretty much him thinking over the decisions of his life as he dies and then somehow lives without aging. It is more philosophical then angsty. Once he somewhat regains his sanity their is pretty much none of that.

~semi spoiler ended~

If you've ever read Path of Decision the Harry Potter/Sandman crossover you probably know what it is like to read a good story and not know what is going on for a number of chapters. This is the same thing.

Iztiak
02-23-2010, 06:09 AM
Gets much better later on. I would recommend you at least get past the first chapter. There are other good stories with less-than-ideal beginning chapters.


Yea this is the first author who really brought Kiri to life for me.

I did enjoy reading it. Surprisingly a lot more than the stories I've seen the "For Review" recently.

Warsaw2
02-26-2010, 05:15 PM
Honestly, the first chapter is what caught me in the first place. I enjoyed the dream-like way the author wrote the death/rebirth and subsequent insanity.

Plot-wise though, it does get much better around chapter four when Naruto's mind starts to pull itself together and he starts his orphanage.

Dreamweaver Mirar
04-26-2010, 09:52 AM
The beginning is very confusing, but it brought over just how f-ed up Naruto is at that point. At the point it is now I'd give it a 4/5.

Warsaw2
01-23-2011, 09:15 PM
Just updated, after a really long time. Its nice to see the story is still alive and the plot is heating up.

Onii
01-23-2011, 11:23 PM
I'm not going to lie its nice to see a update for this and the author says they are 30% done with the next chapter too yay.

Iztiak
01-23-2011, 11:51 PM
Mm, interesting. Glad to see an update, I reread the entire thing.

First several chapters are as...questionable as I remember, all the rest are as good. Excellent update, I think. ^^