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WIP Feathers Of Darkness by PastaSentient-(Batman/Harry Potter)-M

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Pasta Sentient, Nov 29, 2010.

  1. Pasta Sentient

    Pasta Sentient Disappeared

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2010
    Messages:
    788
    Location:
    Earth
    Title: Feathers of Darkness
    Author: PastaSentient
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure
    DLP Category: Other Fandom
    Pairing: Tim Drake/Fleur
    Status: WIP
    Summary: Tim Drake was tortured to the brink by the Joker. The Batman abandoned him to a psychiatric ward. He escaped with the help of some friends. Now he lives in London, where he is about to get the surprise of his life. "You are a wizard, Mr. Drake."
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6507945/1/Feathers_of_Darkness
     
  2. White Rabbit

    White Rabbit Hippity Hoppity DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2008
    Messages:
    979
    Location:
    Arkansas
    Needs more work bro. I got through two chapters before my eyes felt like someone was running rusty razors over them. I jest.


    But seriously, just awful.
     
  3. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,947
    I had a review that was gaining in length, but your story is a blowoff thing so you can get through your writer's block for a story that I'm sure is a masterpiece, and I'm not going to put more thought into a review than you put into the actual fic.

    Short version: Stop the bashing, eliminate the contrivances. Don't write a crossover if you can't think of a better way to get a character from one setting to another.

    1/5. The Other Fandom section of the forum is less strutinized, but you're still not going to slip a story this terrible through the cracks.
     
  4. Pasta Sentient

    Pasta Sentient Disappeared

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2010
    Messages:
    788
    Location:
    Earth
    Thanks for the honesty. If anyone has any suggestions on how to improve my writing style I would much appreciate it.
     
  5. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2007
    Messages:
    1,958
    While this isn't the place to ask this (and shame on you for thinking that asking for help will diminish the fact you tried to post this in "OTHER fandoms"), I can say that your writing it technically sound... I didn't notice anything glaring, however, your plot is rather thin. The dialogue is sketchy too.

    Nevermind that it is filled to the brim with tropes. Eugh. I almost stopped reading when I read, "Sensei Cage".

    There really is no fast cure for improving your writing at this stage, I would say, read more. If you find yourself resorting to using devices like "sensei cage" to move the story along - you've got to get more experience reading.
     
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