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Oneshot Summer Rains by vballmania23 - K+

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by ficfan, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. ficfan

    ficfan First Year

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    46
    Location:
    Rain City
    Title: Summer Rains
    Author: vballmania23
    Rating: K+
    Genre: General
    DLP Category: General
    Pairing: None
    Words: 818
    Published: August 21, 2008
    Status: Oneshot

    Summary: "A dark figure shuffles along the sidewalk. My first thought is that it is one of my old war buddies. It is in the way he walks, shoulders hunched and head bowed." Someone sees Harry walking in the rain and reflects. Set any summer post-GoF.
    Link: Summer Rains

    I read this a VERY long time ago, I almost forgot that it's still there. This probably isn't a DLP-material; no DarkHarry, no actions, even no Dialogue at all. But it's beautifully written, so visual and touching it made my heart ache, and even after long times, I still touched when I reading this.

    No, I'm not into soppy sappy here. It's just the author wrote this in a very realistic and nice-fashioned way. The POV is great, the description is decent, the background is so realistic, the way he described Harry's condition is beautiful, and it's full of emotions.

    Of course this is not Mind-blowing, Grand-Fantasy type of Oneshot fic. But it's good, decent, and touching, packed in short 818 words. Really worth your time.

    And, finally, 4/5 from me.

    I may be biased. Personally, I think I can understand the character’s thought. Maybe in fifty years I will be in his place, just staring outside the window and wondering where the strong body that carry me to battlefields and back gone, wondering what happened to the young man out there that made him looked like he had faced more battles than me.


    Checked by Minion, July 29, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 29, 2013
  2. Mock Moniker

    Mock Moniker Professor

    Joined:
    May 12, 2008
    Messages:
    462
    Its well written, but of course very short.

    I always feel weird about putting a number rating on a short one shot like this.

    The author accomplished exactly what he meant to, and did it well. It's worth reading, but not totally satisfying in the way a longer story might be. 4/5.
     
  3. Zennith

    Zennith Pebble Wrestler ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2009
    Messages:
    175
    Location:
    The Capitol
    High Score:
    1,928
    Just too short, honestly. 750 words does not a story make. Could be an interesting one-shot material wise, but eh - partly seems like it's trying to hard.
     
  4. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,080
    Location:
    USA
    Really liked it. It's just a very nice scene, not even a one shot really. It's the kind of thing that would get lost in a longer story as filler, but by itself it stands well.

    It's charm is that it immerses you in such few words. Definitely library worthy.
     
  5. addictedforlife

    addictedforlife High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2010
    Messages:
    577
    What Zennith said. Too short, and comes off trying to hard to contain a lot of meaning in a small number of words. I simply didn't get into it.
     
  6. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
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    Location:
    One of the Shires
    High Score:
    9,373
    I liked it. Technically it flowed very well from one sentence to the next, the language was aesthetically appealing (though the author could have used the word 'war' less) and I especially liked the last line. Very poetic.

    A solid 4/5 for me, despite the low word count.
     
  7. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    I thought it was a good idea, but it fell slightly short in its execution. Perhaps I'm picky, but in a stand-alone of this length, the author has the luxury of indulgence and can work the piece into something bordering on poetry, layered with imagery rich in symbolic resonance and metaphor that make you bolt awake at night, thinking. Compare with Lady Altair's Cauterize.

    I guess I wanted it like the bit role in Wayne's World 2, where they get Charlton Heston in for a minor scene cameo. That the fragment here isn't quite so polished lends it the feel of a start of a novel, not its own universe.

    I'm rating it 3/5 for an effort that I thought was good, but not quite great enough to be archived in the Library.
     
  8. Castiel

    Castiel Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2010
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    Location:
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    What Nuhuh said.

    4/5
     
  9. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    High Score:
    9,373
    I'm sorry. I tried to read your post but all I could see was a zebra riding a motorbike.
     
  10. Grinning Lizard

    Grinning Lizard Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
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    Written in a no-nonsense way, fitting the subject matter and the character. Nice, but I didn't like the ending that much. Could've had a slightly better execution. It being brushed aside and presented in a non-essential way is alright, but I'd been waiting for it since the character was mentioned.

    Meh, 3.5/5
     
  11. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Fixed (as of a rather large purchase I made today).
     
  12. Zennith

    Zennith Pebble Wrestler ~ Prestige ~

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    High Score:
    1,928

    Jealous. That's pimp.
     
  13. ParseltonguePhoenix

    ParseltonguePhoenix Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
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    Gender:
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    Location:
    South Carolina
    I'm with Persp, here. This feels like the beginning of something rather than a stand alone piece. It's well written and I like what's there, but I can't help feeling that there should be something following it.

    3/5
     
  14. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
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    Eh, utterly pointless and without impact.

    An exercise to show some writing that takes itself too seriously. No oomph.

    2/5 for what it is presented as. 3/5 as a technical piece.
     
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