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Complete Elizium for the Sleepless Souls by Voice of the Nephilim - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Voice of the Nephilim, Feb 5, 2012.

  1. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    Title: Elizium for the Sleepless Souls
    Author: Voice of the Nephilim
    Rating: M
    Genre: Horror
    DLP Category: The Alternates
    Pairing: n/a
    Chapters: 9
    Words: 52,712
    Updated: March 7
    Published: January 5, 2012
    Status: Complete

    Summary: The crumbling island prison of Azkaban has been evacuated, its remaining prisoners left behind. Time growing short, Harry Potter will make one final bid for freedom, enlisting an unlikely crew of allies in a daring escape, where nothing is as it seems.

    First-place entrant into the Nov / Dec DLP contest, an Azkaban!Harry story with a twist. Canon until end of OotP.

    Thanks to T3t for his help with editing.


    Checked by Minion, March 14, 2014
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2014
  2. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    The setting of Azkaban

    as it's crumbling into the ocean with them trapped on it (I'm only putting this into spoilers is because the idea is that amazing upon first reading

    is one of the all-time great ideas in HP fanfiction. Even in epic fantasy literature - this is as memorable as Lothlorien from Middle Earth, or Green Angle Tower in Osten Ard. It makes you wish Rowling had found a way to incorporate it in canon it's so good. Very desolate and lonely-feeling, and cold. Love the descriptions. Just bravo for what you've done with the story's setting and atmosphere.

    It has a feeling of true unpredictability that makes it stand out. I wasn't sure what to expect with Marie's character, and the threats surrounding them are sinister and keep you wondering when they're going to find Harry and his party.

    Maybe 4.5/5, or 5/5 at this point? Certainly closer to the latter, but it's still waiting for that defining moment. I think What's there is stellar. Maybe the prologue isn't mind-blowing? It's really hard to come up with any criticisms of this unique, excellent story. Very much deserving of the December win.
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2012
  3. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Excellent story, of course. Thought you'd wanted to wait till next chapter, though?
     
  4. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    Nice story. I like this so far. I'll rate when there's more.
     
  5. Tesla

    Tesla Auror

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    Ridiculously well written - not exactly unexpected considering the author - but like Andromalius said it's lacking the "defining moment". As it is, I'd give it 4-4.5/5, and most probably 5/5 when it's done, so I'll refrain from voting until we see a little more of the story. Obviously library worthy though.
     
  6. Mors

    Mors Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I... just couldn't get into this.

    I'm not really sure why. The first line itself: "The world was an inky void, the darkness only interrupted by his ragged breathing, which exhaled plumes of fog across cold lips, through the burlap sack clinging to his face." <--- Just... no. First point: too many commas. The author starts with the world being "an inky void" which is frankly a bit overkill, but the if he was gonna end with a sack on the guy's face it would've been okay because you can't see fuck all in that position. But in the next phrase we have plumes of fog, which totally slams down the "inky void" idea.

    Things go downhill from there. The burlap bag (or was it sack?) gets ripped from his face, bringing the world immediately back into focus. I'm sorry? I thought the world was "an inky void" just a second ago? Must be magic or something.

    The dialog is... not believable. For example, I don't see Umbridge saying "have a cuppa" to anybody. The lines don't fit right, for both parties.

    I dunno really, maybe I'm just not in the mood to read anything. Couldn't finish the first chapter so not gonna rate this.
     
  7. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

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    I agree slightly with Mors, though I'm nowhere near as damning about it. Despite the writing being slightly overwrought and Umbridge's dialogue not quite fitting the character (could this be intentional?) I still absolutely love this.

    Considering the quality of most fics we see these days, I've absolutely no qualms about giving this a 5/5. A few minor inconsistencies don't detract from writing of this level.
     
  8. Mors

    Mors Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Since when are we into "relative" rating? That's not something anybody should be saying, if they're offering an honest criticism. If you liked it, you liked it; its value shouldn't be decided by how much useless shit was churned out by tards during the same period.
     
  9. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box ~ Prestige ~

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    I caught up with this earlier, and I love it. Yes, it's a touch melodramatic at times, and Mundungus Fletcher's accent is rather annoying, but the idea behind it is incredible. I can't wait to see how it all finishes.
     
  10. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    Agreed, for the most part.

    Voice - I've already given you my two cents about the posted parts, and <fingers crossed> here's hoping you can finish this tale the way you've envisioned it.

    Ah, who am I kidding? You pulled off The Unforgiving Minute and about 8 other kick-ass stories already - not much chance you'll muff this one.

    I give it a 4.75/5 - Cheers!
     
  11. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

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    Since forever? Go look at some stuff that made it into the library at the beginning of the library, it doesn't compare even slightly with similarly scored work from maybe a year or two ago. Forming the DLP library is a constantly relative and contextual process that takes the upper percentiles of fanfiction being produced at the time of asking.

    Regardless, I said I liked it and who are you to decide how anyone is able to judge anything?
     
  12. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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  13. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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  14. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    This chapter is awesome. You should go read it, guys.
     
  15. Blazzano

    Blazzano Unspeakable

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    Somehow I had forgotten about this and allowed myself to get three chapters behind. I'm glad I found the thread again. Great story, VotN.
     
  16. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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  17. Another Empty Frame

    Another Empty Frame Fake Flamingo DLP Supporter

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    AWWWWW SHEEEIT time for a reread :D
     
  18. samkar

    samkar Temporarily Banhammered

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    Somebody please remove the [Abandoned] or change it to [Resurrected].
     
  19. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Oh, man. I've been upgraded from beta-reader to co-conspirator. My life is complete :)
     
  20. Voice of the Nephilim

    Voice of the Nephilim Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    What starts, ends.

    Yesterday
    Life that I knew
    So sick of all the people
    A blind moon
    Over to the window
    Where the night has become
    Elizium for the sleepless souls
    And our days to come
    You stand with dalila
    May be I'll just pass-away
    Or may be I'll stay
    But I feel alive with you
    And I feel some kind of heaven
    When I feel deep inside her
    I feel some kind of heaven
    Hear me
    Give me some kind of heaven
     
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