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Abandoned The Fight Club by Eliyah - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Eliyah, Jun 4, 2006.

  1. Eliyah

    Eliyah First Year

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Title: The Fight Club
    Author: Eliyah
    Rating: M
    Genre: Action/Adventure
    Pairing: Harry/Many
    Chapters: 3
    Words: 18,021
    Updated: August 3, 2006
    Published: June 3, 2006
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Harry stumbles on a muggle fight club and carries it over to Hogwarts. Meanwhile the war is escalating on all fronts. The lines of light and dark are blurred. Harry must learn to fight in a war that could claim more than his life.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2971889/1/



    Checked by Minion, March 10, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 10, 2013
  2. Myst

    Myst Headmaster

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    Is this.. a crossover with the movie Fight Club?
     
  3. Eliyah

    Eliyah First Year

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    No, Just the idea of a Fight Club was borrowed from the movie.
     
  4. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

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    I love it.

    I only hope Harry stays sadistic and violent.

    Please...more!
     
  5. Cell

    Cell Gunner of The Black Poison DLP Supporter

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    I hoping the same thing.

    Keep it up.
     
  6. Harpy Prince

    Harpy Prince Seventh Year

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    There was nothing wrong with it that I could tell. It just didn't appeal to me. I guess it doesn't catch me like the fight club movie did.
     
  7. TheIllusiveOne

    TheIllusiveOne Raptured to Hell

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    Looks fucking excellent. My only problem is how much about body magic Harry learned from simply one Auror book. From the Department of Mysteries fight, the aurors don't really appear to be that powerful, they simply seem to enforce laws and nothing more, really. I would have probably liked it better if Harry simply did it instictively or focused his anger into his magic to fight, something more like Tom Riddle did in HBP when he didn't know about magic, but did accidental magic instinctively. Other then that this looks great.
     
  8. Yarrgh!

    Yarrgh! Pirate King

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    I liked it...great idea, and original.

    Expand on body magic, put in some theories and whatnot to make it more complicated, more trademarked to your fic, and increase its power in the reader's mind.

    Also, keep up with the brutality, like Amerision said. Maybe throw in a scene as bloody as the one in the movie, where Brad Pitt bleeds all over the guy who owns the club.

    Well done...i'm waiting for the next chap.
     
  9. Sepanto

    Sepanto Groundskeeper

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    excellent story. not a single word aside excellent. i trully love this story. Just don't make harry go pussy when beaver/morpher/rhs talks to him...
     
  10. Fuegodefuerza

    Fuegodefuerza Minister of Magic

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    As said before me, fucking excellent. I loved it. Harry's brutality is very appealing, and while the body magic wasn't covered very extensively, I got the gist of it. The only thing that might make it even better would be to make the training harder. In canon, Aurors are the elite. It takes three years of training to become one, and I think Tonks said that only one is chosen per year (correct me if I'm wrong, which I probably am). Harry mastering the Auror's Handbook in one summer seems very unrealistic.

    Besides that minute detail, this is a fabulous story. Above is just me being a little detail bitch, so disregard it if you want to. Keep it up, and keep Harry's brutality where it is, or make it even worse.
     
  11. Cthulu

    Cthulu Unintelligent Bigot

    Joined:
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    107
    Love it!

    but still.. it dissapoints me...
    Once again Harry is learning at a FAR FAR to fast rate...

    But still... I really enjoyed it... Portraying Harry as a brutal person is so rare... Almost in all fictions he goes and grieve for a week or longer but here...
    He stops after just a day, beleiving that Sirius is in a better place... Truly wonderful!

    I mean.. why grieve for him?
    All that Sirius ever gave him was a broom and a few mpty promises...


    Anyway, GREAT FIC!!!!

    Keep up the good work and update soon!
     
  12. Eliyah

    Eliyah First Year

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    Amersion and Celly Cel - Don't worry it only gets more brutal.

    Harpy Prince - any advice on how to make it better?

    TheIllusiveOne - I see the Aurors as secret agents the very best at what they do. In my world the hit-wizards are like the policemen. Also Harry doesn't know that much about Body magic all he can do is send small amounts of magic to increase his strength and speed for small amounts of time compared to a trained Auror that is nothing.

    Yarrgh! - The next chapter will delve more into the intricacies of Harry's raw magic.

    Sepanto - Don't worry Harry won't be softening up any time soon.

    Fuegodefuerza and Cthulu - Harry did not master the Auror Handbook. He only got about five pages into the book. Harry's is not doing anything special compared to the Aurors. He can only hold his magic in one place for about ten minutes. I see Aurors being required to live off there raw magic for weeks at a time for training. Harry has not even come close to mastering the Auror handbook.

    I thank you all for your reviews. Next chapter will be up in the next two weeks. I hope I cleared some things up.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2006
  13. Fuegodefuerza

    Fuegodefuerza Minister of Magic

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    Yes, you cleared them up well. I just didn't notice that in the context of the story. Placing the fact that he wasn't anywhere close to finishing the book in the story would be better than forcing people to come here or just to wonder.

    Keep it up!
     
  14. Dark Lord Rostam

    Dark Lord Rostam Button La Famiglia Midknight

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    Wow, this is just fucking awesome. I love this story, you better keep him an insane fucker.

    Is anything going to happen between Ron and Harry, or Hermione and Harry?
     
  15. Harpy Prince

    Harpy Prince Seventh Year

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    It's HaRpy prince btw ^_< Honestly I only read the first fight and found it to be a little lacking. Harry hits once, Dudley hits once, Harry dips him and hails punches all over his face, fight ends. Dudley had been bullying kids almost all his life while Harry had never been in a serious fight until that point. It's not that Harry won that felt wrong, it was more like he won too easily. Plus Dudley supposedly is a boxing champion in his county or something like that. A difficult battle between old enemies would have been really cool.

    Like I said there's nothing really wrong with it. Some people are just stupid and won't like this fic. I'm one of those people.
     
  16. Eliyah

    Eliyah First Year

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    Harpy Prince - Sorry about that I didn't even see the R. I struggled with the Dudley/Harry fight scene a lot. I tried to write a long fight scene but, it didn't seem right so I changed it to what I have. I kept it short because I thought it would be hard to hold the readers attention with a fist fight. Watching one is entertaining but reading about one is not.

    Dark Lord Rostam - Oh yes Ron, Harry and, Hermione's relationship will defiantly get interesting to say the least. You won't be disappointed.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2006
  17. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Blah.. It has potential. I simply cant stand that its Dudley and his friends of all people that started it. Just doesnt feel right. And certainly not in a park, secluded area or not.
     
  18. coupdmain

    coupdmain First Year

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    Do you think that the Auror's have to just master ONE book in 3 years... if so then that is unrealistic... there are many subjects that they have to master, we know this from canon, as Tonks says she was hopeless in stealth, but she got a easy break in disguise(or something of that sort) because she is a metamorph.

    I am going to keeep an eye on the fic, seems interesting so far... but will have to read more to pass judgement.

    I dont care about fleshing out special powers, if you want to do that, please do so in a seperate chapter that people can ignore if they need be... like how Jeaconis did for MMail system(though people do say that he leveraged it off Anya), a off-topic chapter where he explained the MMail system (this is in his fic This Means War).
     
  19. Eliyah

    Eliyah First Year

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    Coupdmain – The book Harry received is not the only Auror book. Auror’s have to undergo a ton of training using other books that are more specialized. I see this book as a broad base of knowledge that they can refer back to. In no way is this the only book Auror’s use.
     
  20. TheIllusiveOne

    TheIllusiveOne Raptured to Hell

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    Ugh. Do you have to make Aurors superpowered? I can't see some idiot like Dawlish who's Umbridge's lakey being some sort of magical secret agent. *Whines Childishly*
     
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