View Full Version : [Abandoned] Maximus! by padfootsrevenger - K+

06-22-2006, 03:13 PM
Title: Maximus!
Author: padfootsrevenger
Rating: K+
Genre: Mystery/Supernatural
Pairing: Unknown at the moment
Chapters: 26
Words: 72,958
Updated: Jan 17, 2008
Published: Jun 12, 2006
Status: Abandoned
Summary:Harry and Luna, after the final battle where they lose everyone they hold dear, find a way to transport themselves to another world where Luna poses as Harry’s twin sister. Hello world here they come!

This is a quite good story I found today with the usual dimension travel idea with Harry's parents still being alive but unlike many fics like this I have seen it portrays the Potters as nice, not fame addicted pricks. Give it a try, its quite good IMHO.

Checked by Minion, June 28, 2015

06-22-2006, 04:26 PM
I tried this few days back, but bunch of stupid decisions and ideas kept me from truly liking it.

The biggest peeve - "hand of god" syndrome.

Or in other words, the tendency of authors to utilise a bunch of incredible twists and unexplained plot tools to set characters in a specific situation they wanted to create in the first place.

In this case, it's Harry and his sister, who is actually Luna but isn't, with lots of knowledge, getting adopted by James and Lily and meeting other siblings etc....

Oh, and the kill-off of Luna's character is a bit of a peeve too...

06-22-2006, 04:34 PM
read this, seems like a decent AU fic, though the Harry in this world might not be the boy-who-lived

Leevi gave a brief nod and studied his counterpart. They were identical down to the last hair, except for Leevi’s scar..

For the most part seems like a well written fic, though you could call the uber-poisonous-rare snake familiar a bit cliche.

Though he did feed wormtail to his snake :)

Personally I like the fact that Harry is not all instantly "lovey-dovey". He is a bit cautious and guarded, but he seems to be coming across as cold, while Luna is trying to get him to open up a little bit emotionally, at the same time is a bit more accepting of the Potters.

Could have Luna/Neville (distant possibility).

06-22-2006, 04:51 PM
Writing is ok, though the first few chapters have a few cringe worthy scenes:

- Very OOC Luna. Can you ever imagine her saying things like
“Way to state the obvious. Why else would we be here?” She asked in a bored tone.
“Are you sure about this Harry? After all I do like my blonde hair and blue eyes.” Luna asked in a pouting voice.

- Mindspeak with powerful pet snake.

- Shopping trip

Other than that, it has potential and it does seem to improve in chapter 7 (Peter's demise was fun).

Lord Apophis
06-22-2006, 06:27 PM
Peter's death was the best part :) Its good that Harry does not immidiatly become best friends with his parents and siblings. The bad part that there are a few cliches such as magical snake familiar, shopping trip, custom trunk and UBER skilled despite being only 18 but with a 11 year old body.

06-23-2006, 10:20 AM
Well, it's decent. There are some cliches, but not badly exaggerated (shopping, trunk etc.). Also he doesn't transform into a crybaby in front of his parents. But there are many plotholes, the scar for example, and its very unnerving that the situations all seem to develop just like he wanted them to, seemingly without effort. I will most probably stop reading if he creates an army of children.

06-23-2006, 11:54 AM
i like it so far.

06-23-2006, 03:19 PM
I think I'll wait for more chapters to give a better judgment.
From what I've read, I guess the fic is so-so. The overly lucky circumstances and the OOC Luna are the like vices on this fic. Overall, its okay unlike the other fics I've encountered, so it's above the majority of fics on FF.net.

06-24-2006, 02:53 PM
To cliche for my tastes and I like Crazy Luna thanks very much... Your Luna is more like a Self Insert using a cannon character... but welll good luck with your fic

06-24-2006, 04:43 PM
Ummm, I didn't write this, I was just suggusting this to the members of this forum, :?

06-24-2006, 06:18 PM
I am going to have to wait for some more. The start is like most TT fics, only I have never seen Harry move in with the Potters in this way. Before I give any real judgment, I will need to see where the plot goes

06-24-2006, 09:20 PM
Ummm, I didn't write this, I was just suggusting this to the members of this forum, :?
Oh sorry...
Great for you then. ;)

07-03-2006, 04:18 PM
It was okay.... I dunno, struck me as over cliched.

07-10-2006, 04:26 PM
Except for the cliches I think this story is going to work and maybe it will become to somewhat interesting....

Though he did feed wormtail to his snake :)

That was the best part and probably best use for poisonous snakes!8)

07-11-2006, 05:38 AM
This new chapter was totally and utterly pitiful, it didn't flow at all, was very very stilted, and frankly, if that is the quality of the next chapter as well, then im going to stop following this fic.

10-04-2006, 08:49 PM
Updated. Now with dumble bashing undertones.
I think the story is moving away from the cliche fest and into new fan fiction territory, but only time will tell.
I like the way the story keeps you guessing, nothing is revealed right away.

10-05-2006, 12:10 AM
I had a hard time getting into it mainly because of Luna's missing vagueness and oddities. She's like a mix between Canon Herm-my-own-knee and Ginny.

Though if you can ignore the cliche's and NotLuna!Luna, then its an ok read.

10-16-2006, 12:58 AM
Updated, now with action scene.
Are pranks cliche?
I don't like pranks, I would prefer plot, even mild well written fluff. But that could just be me, all types of fics for all types of folks, dark fics for DPLer's?
Well I think this story is going somewhere, and I will follow it and hope it is entertaining.

10-16-2006, 06:00 AM
It was good for the first few chapters. I liked it; then it went down hill. I could even stomach extremely OOC Luna for it before it went poof.

Pranks? Uhh... family moments? Very, very, very mentally immature Harry and Luna? No thanks.

Dark Minion
12-02-2006, 02:41 PM
With the last chapters (now 23) it developed into WTF?

The two Maximi are just two Original Characters, who happened to gain some important knowledge. With their alleged background story they might even qualify for a MarySue contest.

And the Goblin scene is just annoying - though not as bad as the worst case scenario Griphook crying.

“Excuse me for being so rude, but I’ve forgotten your name sir.” Leevi used the politest voice he could, the one he used when talking to a professor at school…unless it was Snape of course.

The goblin’s step suddenly faltered and he turned around to study the children. It was obvious from the lack of facial hair and wrinkles that the goblin was young, that alone spoke volumes about him that he would be working in Gringotts at such a young age.

“I apologize for I did not give it. I am Raxiel, son of Ruliz.” The tone that was used was the politest Christelle or Leevi had ever heard from a goblin before.

At the moment I think it's below average.