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Narf
09-09-2005, 08:33 PM
Part I

Title: A Stranger In An Unholy Land
Author: serpant-sorcerer
Rating: M
Category: Action/Adventure/Mystery
Chapters: 17
Words: 470,388
Updated: April 25, 2007
Published: July 14, 2004
Status: Complete
Summary: Days before his 6th year, Harry Potter is sucked into another universe by forces not of this world. Dazed and confused, Harry finds himself in a world where his parents are alive, where Voldemort has never fallen and he is Voldemort's key enforcer.
Link:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1962685/1/
Link: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stranger_trilogy/


Part II

Title: A Stranger In The Promised Land
Rating: M
Category: Mystery/Action
Chapters: 4
Words: 109,659
Updated: January 16, 2008
Published: June 14, 2007
Status: Abandoned
Summary: Harry Potter thought that he had found a way home but something went wrong. Now he finds himself trapped in another dimension, in which someone else was cursed with the famous scar, and Tom Riddle never became the Dark Lord.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3592984/1/A_Stranger_in_the_Promised_Land



Checked by Minion, February 4, 2013

Midknight
09-09-2005, 10:27 PM
Ive liked this story for awhile, but it tends to wander off too much, and has extreme periods of inactivity

Zevrillion
11-12-2005, 04:59 AM
Just read the story. I agree that it can be a little bit slow at times but overall one of the best HP fanfics I have read.

Narf
11-12-2005, 10:40 AM
Yeah, now it's starting to move a bit faster, with a lot more action involved.

cmuylistoooo
11-12-2005, 03:56 PM
i thought i saw this here before...oh wells..

if u join the authors yahoo group, the next chapter is already there and the fic is updated much faster and how much of the next chapter is left as well...

Antivash
11-12-2005, 04:52 PM
never really got into this story... ill admit its decent but its just not my thing

zUzaque
11-12-2005, 08:10 PM
got to the part where he's in the hospital, then lost intrest... might pick it up again... it was decent, but not all that great

Lord Osiris
11-12-2005, 09:03 PM
Must certainly agree with Vash not my type of story, *shrugs* gave it shot though.

Narf
11-12-2005, 10:05 PM
Yeah, Alternate Dimensions is probably my favorite genre, and this is the best story in it. But I guess some people could not like it.

ip82
11-20-2005, 08:53 AM
Good idea and writing style, but I don't like the fact that this is one of those Dark!Harry stories where the focus is on Harry battling his "inner darkness", instead kicking some ass. The author should have merged two personalities and created Grey kick-ass Harry, instead of leaving a goody-good Gryffindor pansy, who has to call up on his other psycho personality to fight effectively.

Zero
01-06-2006, 05:41 PM
The author just updated today and all in all it's a pretty good chapter especially that 'Artic Thunder' thing.

nonjon
01-09-2006, 02:04 PM
I finally got around to reading Chapter Thirteen and lordy this story is really starting to take off. It's his longest chapter yet, and that's saying something considering how massive his chapters and plans are.

I know fanfiction.net only has up to Chapter Twelve, but anytime he posts to fanfiction.net he has the next chapter up on his yahoogroup (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stranger_trilogy/ if you're interested). The sheer scope, breadth, power, and detail in this fic is really starting to shine. It's massive size is intimidating, but I think this Voldemort and the way he's taking over is one of the best and most clever Voldemort's I've ever seen. Truly cunning Heir of Slytherin machinations and mayhem. Not purely violence and gore as many seem to minimalize Voldemort into.

Early on, it was fine and didn't do much for me, but now we're at the point where I'm happily recommending the fic wholeheartedly. As a warning, it does have 'phoenix animagus!Harry' which is a bit cliche, but quite frankly without that, there would be no hope at all. As it is, things are looking plenty grim as the light is nearly lost at the moment. Really good story. And the more I think about it, the best Voldemort I can remember reading. Not as in you're rooting for him, or he's really evil or we give two shits about his emotions. Just pure tactical genius and deviousness. And still a complete badass wizard that barely any could hope to match.

ip82
01-09-2006, 02:16 PM
I finally got around to reading Chapter Thirteen and lordy this story is really starting to take off. It's his longest chapter yet, and that's saying something considering how massive his chapters and plans are.

I know fanfiction.net only has up to Chapter Twelve, but anytime he posts to fanfiction.net he has the next chapter up on his yahoogroup (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stranger_trilogy/ if you're interested). The sheer scope, breadth, power, and detail in this fic is really starting to shine. It's massive size is intimidating, but I think this Voldemort and the way he's taking over is one of the best and most clever Voldemort's I've ever seen. Truly cunning Heir of Slytherin machinations and mayhem. Not purely violence and gore as many seem to minimalize Voldemort into.

Early on, it was fine and didn't do much for me, but now we're at the point where I'm happily recommending the fic wholeheartedly. As a warning, it does have 'phoenix animagus!Harry' which is a bit cliche, but quite frankly without that, there would be no hope at all. As it is, things are looking plenty grim as the light is nearly lost at the moment. Really good story. And the more I think about it, the best Voldemort I can remember reading. Not as in you're rooting for him, or he's really evil or we give two shits about his emotions. Just pure tactical genius and deviousness. And still a complete badass wizard that barely any could hope to match.

Wow, I'm sold.

I dropped this around that Vampire attack coz I didn't like pansy angsty Harry, who's bending over backwards to apiese the mudblood bitch and refuses to use dark arts, the little wuss... ahm, yes... But after this, I just might start reading it again.

nonjon
01-09-2006, 02:42 PM
Yeah, I'd say it's primarily the last 2-3 chapters have just come alive for me. And read the yahoo group so you can read the new chapter.

The whole fighting the darkness stuff was semi-dealt with when his occlumency started working, and so he can now control himself and still call on some of that 'dark' knowledge. This story does maintain that 'dark' stuff is for the most part evil, and 'addictive' or the potential for corruption is there, but it's not some goody-goody heavy-handed crap. It's intelligent and impressive.

I found Harry annoying and childish at parts early on. He was acting a bit like an idiot, and portrayed as such, but he is growing up and quickly becoming the Harry we want him to be. I think it's mainly Jono knows what we want our hero to be, and he wants it to. Just that Jono is making Harry work up to it and earn it rather than simply giving it to him.

Narf
01-10-2006, 01:45 AM
Nice, glad to see some support for this fic. I absolutely loved the last chapter, extremely satisfying after the long wait. I agree, Jono's Voldemort is probably one of the best I've ever seen.

Blackstar
01-10-2006, 10:58 PM
Id have to agree with this, i remember this story when he was still writing emerald sceptre [ anyone know why he stopped:(] Voldemort in this is aboslutely devious and the way hes taken over so effectively is amazing, but i dont really care much for this Goody Goody Harry, Hes entirely to reliant on His other personalities abilities but it would make sense considering he actually didnt learn much in the way of fighting during his school days but i still expected him to assimilate more knowledge and become bad ass and smack Granger around whenever she bothered him with those damn questions.. but you do gotta love how hes stringing Draco along, its a great story nonetheless and i look forward to its ever increasing in length chapters

ip82
01-11-2006, 03:17 PM
I just read the last 4 chapters and I must say - nonjon was completely right. This story is getting better and better.

His Voldemort is absolutely brilliant, exactly as he should be. It's nice to see such elaborate planning and execution from the Heir of Slytherin, instead of insane idiot sending other idiots to pillage & burn and then crucio them when they return. Oh, and that twist at the end of chapter 12 was probably one of the best moment in HP fanfiction ever.

Unfortunately, I was pretty pissed off by chapter 13. I mean, he went even beyond cannon in condemning the Dark Arts. OK I can live with that. But I can't with totall inability of Harry or any other Order member to come up with any remotely useful plan, as well as their reluctance to step down from the fucking self-righteous throne and do something to fight back. I mean, if they don't have the guts to outhright assasinate the minister and his lackeys, couldn't they at least do what Voldemort did and, instead of having Harry play with Crouch, capture him and have Snape extract info about Voldemort's opperation (and Dumbledore's location)? What, too immoral? Isn't the whole point of the story to paint how ruthless and gray a war is? I mean, nobody ever won a war by stunning their enemies and then escaping. Don't Order members even want to win? Self-righteous 'thou shall not kill' Order members somewhat work in fluffy teenage romances, but not in a realistical story about gory civil war against a ruthless opponent.

Not to mention that that whole "Student uprising" thing was completely idiotic on Harry's part, not to mention coppied from Barb's "Time of good intentions". Instead of fighting back against the Ministry, Harry will only end up getting all his friends killed and giving Voldemort an excuse to squeze Hogwarts even tighter. Stupid self-righteous little fuck.

Dark Syaoran
01-11-2006, 08:35 PM
*pats Ip on the head*

ip82
01-11-2006, 08:40 PM
*pats Ip on the head*

*smacks hand away and sticks his tongue out*

Dark Syaoran
01-11-2006, 08:44 PM
But yeah, that shit annoys the hell outta me as well. Let's defeat Voldemort by casting a tickling charm at him! w00t!

radioactive
01-12-2006, 02:19 AM
Eh, actually tickling can be a much worse torture method than pain, it can drive a person insane/catatonic just as easily as Cruciatus can. You only need to keep up the power of the spell for a while. Much more believable than defeating Voldemort by snoging/shaging... :roll:

Dark Syaoran
01-12-2006, 03:04 AM
Problem is hitting the Dark Lord with such a shitty spell... I'm sure that will go right through his shield, lol.

radioactive
01-12-2006, 08:01 AM
True, that's why it's always good to find the balance - high-power lethal or non-lethal spellcraft does not imply the spells to be 'Dark' in nature. There's nothing 'Dark' at all in Varlon666's "air fuel bomb" spell, and it still can level almost any building... What bugs me with a lot of fanfics is that Harry (or anyone, really) learn all those powerfull ultra-super-duper-wowy-zowie spells out of 'Ancient, Forgotten Books of Light/Dark/Grey/Violet Lore' or variations, not taking into account that those spells are either common knowledge, hence there are known defences, or have been in disuse for a reason. A most valid point in that regard was made quite recently in IP82's story, where we see the usefulness of 'Reducto'. I'm all for Light magic, if Dark is really corruptive/addictive or similar, but it will have to be custom developed spells. After all, how difficult would it be to enchant your wand to be resistant to 'Expelliarmus' and 'Accio', after you've known the spells for years or decades in some cases.

*steps off of the soap-box*
Hope I didn't bore anyone to tears 8)

Quack
01-12-2006, 10:56 PM
I like Miranda's idea of accioing a brain.... hehehe.... xD

Come on guys, the tickling charm is the 'light' version of crucio. I bet the purebloods would hate it, the all high and mighty bastards giggling and crying... torture I tell you. If I was Harry that's what I would do to death eaters I capture. Torture them with the tickling charm, take pictures, and send it to the daily prophet. *coughMALFOYScough*

ChuckDaTruck
01-13-2006, 01:37 AM
Bah! I hate that idea. Accioing a body part seems stupid to me. Like they would teach that to FOURTH YEARS!!

Reducto I can buy SOMEWHAT more because Harry learned that on his own when he was studying for the Goblet of Fire tournament.

Quack
01-13-2006, 02:06 AM
I don't like the reducto one. It seems like a favourite for the 'light side' in most fics... blowing up bodies and body parts and stuff... if it did that it should be classified as a unforgivable. xD

I like the accio idea more because it's unique. Her fic is the only one I know of that uses the idea, but many stories use reducto.

MadEyes
01-13-2006, 11:40 AM
Well, Ill use the most popular explanation of the fandom when justifying the use of the dark arts. Don’t they teach the levitation and mobilicorpis charms in first and second year, respectively? You just need to throw them from really high, even though wizards seem to be particularly immune to falling.

Just look at Neville, he only got a broken wrist when he should have gotten his skull cracked open in first year. Could it be magic?

Dark Syaoran
01-13-2006, 08:53 PM
Maybe he braced himself... how high did he fall from anyway?

MadEyes
01-13-2006, 08:58 PM
Maybe he braced himself... how high did he fall from anyway?

*Shrug* I dunno, and I really dont care. Its magic, and I kind of like it when it stays somewhat unexplained...I just kinda remember reading that they tryed or did throw him from the last floor of the house, or something like that, to see if he had any magic.

And I dont know if its mentioned just hight up he fell on that flying class. Its one of those things, i wager...

Dark Syaoran
01-14-2006, 07:18 AM
Yeah. His uncle dropped him out a window and he bounced... that sounds really weird.

DGD
01-14-2006, 04:24 PM
Yeah it does, heh. Not a bad fic.

razz
02-04-2006, 07:41 AM
I read a bit of this ages ago, but stopped because the little sister pissed me off way too much. 'Rosie' -euck- is the biggest, most sickeningly perfect (despite 'nicely' written) Mary-Sue character ever.


Excerpts from chapter two; Enter - Die!Rosie!Die!

"I'll get it!" came a voice, as Rosie Potter came bounding down the stairs three at time. She could be so gentle and sweet at sometimes … "Mum?" whispered Rosie again, putting her arm around her weeping mother … He caught a glimpse of her flowing black hair … Tears began to form in her eyes, her beautiful, emerald eyes … She was beautiful …

"Harry, it's me," she whispered. "Rose. Your Rosie."


VOMIT. I really wish she had never been created.
:x

Piccaboo!
02-11-2006, 05:10 PM
This I can safely say is my favorite fic no doubt about it. It has the best Voldemort. he's clever, devious, ruthless - and his plans are just amazing. The characterisation is great and i do like his oc Chris. There might be a lot of muggle in it though his writing style is damn good he pulls it of nicely and I really think Jono could be a great writer someday. Highly recomended by me :D

Lord Dragon
02-11-2006, 09:16 PM
I started to read it but i fell asleep. :twisted:

Master Slytherin
02-17-2006, 05:50 PM
Great fic, well written, excellent ideas, good accuracy. My main problem is its sheer size. Every chapter is about 40-50k wrds. I seriously hardly have time to read it. The newest chapter is over 100 pages on MS word!

Narf
02-20-2006, 02:55 AM
Great fic, well written, excellent ideas, good accuracy. My main problem is its sheer size. Every chapter is about 40-50k wrds. I seriously hardly have time to read it. The newest chapter is over 100 pages on MS word!

That's the way I like 'em. :D

Hives
02-20-2006, 04:53 AM
Nah, the size is totally an offput. How long would it take to read in one go? A week? A year? Unless you've been with it from the beginning, or a few chaps in, the length is totally daunting.

Narf
02-20-2006, 12:23 PM
Exactly, it takes a long time to read it. It usually takes me thirty minutes to an hour to read one of his chapters, but that's usually because I'm using AIM and I'm browsing these forums. Jono has long chapters, good grammar, good plot, and good characterization. That's why I like it so much.

Tinder
02-20-2006, 01:03 PM
I think the point is that if you had the same length story but say fifty 10k word chapters instead of ten 50k chapters (its not that long i know but meh) it just makes it more manageable - and if you have to stop reading and go do something else (work, eat, sleep, whatever) then you can actually reach the next chapter and bookmark rather than cutting off in the middle of one.

Narf
02-25-2006, 03:04 PM
Eh, if it bothers people that much, they can just cut it off where they want to stop, and put it into a seperate document to read. It's not that hard to remember where you stopped.

fatal
02-26-2006, 12:00 PM
I think this fic moves really slowly. Harry is a little retardded in the way that he jusut can't grasp the concept that everyone in the new world thinks he is a death eater!!!

Narf
02-26-2006, 12:58 PM
Oh please, I think Jono hit it on the dot, I mean, Harry has never heard of parallel universes, why would he automatically assume he's in one?

"You Death Eater!" says some random frightened wizard.

"Oh no, I must be in a parallel universe since I'm not a Death Eater in my world!"

Uh huh, yeah, very believable.

fatal
02-27-2006, 09:31 AM
I'm now on chapter 12 and couldn't help laugh at this

"Don't ya move, ya focker!" he shouted in his best Irish accent.

the Irish are coming to steal your nulear weapons America and UK!!!! Watch out!

Anomaly
04-05-2006, 07:31 AM
Hell I thought this fic was awsum. Long winded as heck. But none the less awsum. Im majorly into martial arts and weapons training in real life, so fics where harry can pummle people with his fists are a plus. The whole "Inner darkness" was a bit off putting, but in the end harry gets to kick ass more so it didnt irk me... much. Minus points for the order being dumbasses and being as incompitent as in cannon. Other then that lots of ponts for one of the few AU fics that dont involve harry becoming a pansy and not fighting. Plus he had/has a sword<its been a while since i read it> AND he can fight. Violence is always the answer... unless the question contains sex, with a woman, who doesnt look like a baby hippo... ok so maybe violence only works MOST of the time...

tridentwatch
04-13-2006, 11:30 PM
I read this fic a while ago and it was amazing. There arent many fics where harry travels to alternate universe and is voldemort's top death eater. Someone from DLP should write one!

Silke
04-14-2006, 01:21 AM
Violence is always the answer...

Hell yeah, and if it isn't working, you're not using enough of it. ;)

Skykes
05-14-2006, 10:23 AM
Good fic, very balanced, but i agree with ip82 harry should stop being such a whimp, like he's going to have to kill people one way or another. Also the author does'nt update for months at a time. Still it definately worth a read.

Randeemy
05-16-2006, 10:36 AM
Updates are slow, but the chapters are massive. Only chapter 14 and the epilogue left. I have really enjoyed this

ip82
06-13-2006, 02:30 AM
New chapter is up on Yahoo group.

Gah, I don't know any other fic that is so great and so fucking STUPID at the same time. This Jono guy writes brilliant political/military thriller and covert schemes. Characterization, muggle government, OC's... everything is good. His dark side is probably the best one ever written in HP fanfiction - guys with purpose other than killing everyone and getting crucioed in some cave.

But all his work at building the bad guys up is utterly wasted, since there's no at least moderately competent light side to oppose them. From chapter to chapter, he managed to completely mentally handicap everyone on the light side, making them into brainless incompetent morons, incapable of making and/or executing even the simplest plan.

His Harry is the worst loser of them all. He's supposed to lead the light side, but I doubt he'd manage to lead his arse to the toilet seat the way he's acting - I bet I could think of on the spot at least 10 plans better than the half-brained schemes Harry has in mind. Just when he finally makes a good move, he completely ruins it by doing something utterly idiotic or unrealistically moralistic, like forgetting how to cast a stunner or refusing to break in some muggle's house to hide from the death eaters... Gah, if there weren't for his fire-travel, he'd be dead 100 times over. GIVE THE BOY SOME BRAIN, this is getting embarrassing.

Dunno if I'll keep reading this, it's not that bad or anything, it's just getting me pissed off by absolute stupidity of all main characters. On the other hand, if you're a brain-dead militarist, you're gonna love this.

Master Slytherin
06-13-2006, 02:43 AM
One day, when I'm really bored and have a lot of time on my hands, I'll read the new few chapters. It's a great fic but each chapter is too damn long. Looking at the amount of time you have to spend on it, it's not quite worth it at the moment.

SLASH SUCKS
06-13-2006, 12:49 PM
Thanks for the info I haven't checked his group in a few weeks.

Deadwilder
06-13-2006, 09:12 PM
Meh. All the moralistic gryffindor junk is seriously killing this fic for me. I had hoped for some character development, but Harry's the same whining bitch throughout.

Anheru
06-14-2006, 12:44 AM
Ip82 said:

But all his work at building the bad guys up is utterly wasted, since there's no at least moderately competent light side to oppose them. From chapter to chapter, he managed to completely mentally handicap everyone on the light side, making them into brainless incompetent morons, incapable of making and/or executing even the simplest plan.


Well, not everyone is so retarded. Just Harry. :)
Frank Longbottom made a really good movement by joining the Black Watch. He is a bastard, but is the only one with the right mindset. Breaking the “Auror” neck in muggle way was nice.
The new girl Rachel got invaluable info and weapons. Her attack was a little clumsy but got the Dark side by complete surprise, making it a success. So far Frank and Rachel showed good brains and tactical movements. 50 % considering that the order is now four men strong…. Not a bad percentage.:rolleyes:

Whom I am kidding? Harry is a Moron at best. And if he is supposed to lead the order they are as good as dead… But I have reason to believe the fic will have a decent ending.

1) Snape said in the chapter that the order needed the Assasain the other Harry was, not the moron they are stuck with now… So the author is aware that Harry right now is useless.
2) The siege of Gringots described in past chapters was great, showing the author can write a great battle scene with a decent light side battling the machinations of Voldemort. I can just hope for something similar in the next chapter.

So, I will wait the next chapter eagerly, I just expect it to be worth the wait, and if Harry keeps acting like a “Mahatma Ghandi” then I hope Voldemort wins. He deserves it.

PD. The Dark side is really great. The only one I have seen in which Voldemort deserves the title of Dark Lord. ALSO His Death Eathers are worth the fear they inspire, not just a bunch of morons running around in black robes during the night to scare little kids.

SLASH SUCKS
06-14-2006, 02:39 AM
Great story, but this chapter really needed to be betaed. Lots of repeat phrases and Harry really is getting anoying. He has no plan, wtf did he steel the anti magic warhead for? I'm like you constantly keep reminding us how evil the dark lord is and his followers. YES, marching in front of a bunch of death eaters was a BAD idea okay we get it. Harry is constantly bringing up these points in the last chapter. Why won't Harry just kill already it really isn't difficult to do just throw the focking rock on Bella's head, instead, they do nothing and 2 minutes later she almost kills Sirius. The same thing happend with Crouch Jr. They went in so unprofessional they were talking and messing around just kill and flame out.

I thought Ak-ing divides the soul, so throwing a rock on the head or stabbing someone in the jugular should be fine, I wish more authors could see this as a valued point to make Harry a killer instead of a pansy ass.

huntedorange
06-15-2006, 09:59 AM
The guy does really need a beta, great story though, was the first of it genre that i read and probably the best i have read.

CGB
06-19-2006, 04:36 PM
I read the first few chapters, but I really couldn't get into this. I don't know why. I just don't like this story.

Flamata
07-17-2006, 02:29 PM
Really? I consider this story to be a work of art, although every time it's updated I have to read the entire previous chapter as well as the new one just so I know what's going on. I just put it on my alert list and quietly forgot about it until next time it was updated. I would definitely recommend this to anyone.

The Morrigu
07-17-2006, 04:03 PM
I really like this fic. I discovered it last summer, and since then I have been hooked. I think that as your all saying, that the Dark Side is for once portrayed correctly and as proper cunning Slytherins so to speak.

But what you must understand is that the Harry who although is used to being relied upon somewhat, he is now having to run the whole war by himself, using powers which technically arent his, while being afraid that his 'dark side' will take over. The reason why he hasnt used his dark side, is that he is afraid of the consequences. The last time he did, he killed the vampires and nearly killed Hermione.

As this story is the first in a trilogy, and their is a banner for this story, most people (like myself) who are part of the group believe that Dark!Harry will come back from Harry's world (as we presume) and Jono will change it around and have him being good for one way or another. (These are acctually my thoughts but nevermind....)

I also thing that the Good!Harry will discover his own powers, so as to not rely on Dark!Harry's, as Voldemort pointed out, he was nothing special, and all of his power came from his (Voldies) second in command. I think this on some level MUST have touched a nerve within Harry.

I do think this story is excellent, having so many different angles to look at within it. I just wished the updates were a bit quicker :(

se7en
07-21-2006, 02:28 AM
The only problems I have with the story are the chapter lengths and Harry.
I think he should make smaller chapters, but more of them. There are plenty of places where he could have broken the story off into a new chapter. And Harry, as stated above, is stupid and is like a canon!harry.

Brooklynight
07-23-2006, 12:25 AM
The Stranger Triology is certainly one of the better written fics out there. The author obviously know how to write and the sheer size is a testament to that. Despite its volume its still enjoyable to read if you have the time to not rush it.

While the author goes into detailed explaination of some aspects of this story such as time travel he seeem to overlook others. The spellwork in this fic is disapointing. The author dosn't go into detail of how spells work, wand movements etc. Another peeve is the small spell vocabulary of the characters, while we see a few original spell most of the battle/confrontations between top duelists just as moody vs. crouch still include simple stunners and shield. This isn't as bad as in many fics but definetly an are in which the author can improve.

Harry can honestly be incrediably annoying in this fic. He just seems unwilling to use any of his knowledge from his deatheater background. This is explained through the occulemency training but Harry seems like he could care less about regaining this knowledge and seems content with hanging up death eaters by their ankles. At the same time he says that the students need to know how to fight and defend themselves but is unwilling to follow his own advise

Another problem with Harry is that he just acts so much like a child. He advocates restraint in dealing with Rookwood when he tells Hermione that its best for her to go home. However he takes cheap shots at Rookwood on every occasion these accomplish nothing beyond driving Harry into a hole.

This is a good fic with a solid and original plot but it could be better.
4/5

Edit: Easily the worst part of this fic:

"Everywhere we go−oh," sang Seamus at the top of his voice, before taking a swig from his drink while the crowd shouted the line back to him.

"People want to kn−ow," he sang, giving Harry a wink, who smiled back. "Who we ar−re,"

"Hermione," shouted Harry above the singing.

"AND WHERE WE COME FROM!"

"Start passing out leaflets and talking to people," he told her. "We'll all stop in the square, by the fountain. Then we've got the Three Broomsticks on one corner, Zonko's opposite and we're right in the middle of things."

"SO WE TELL THEM," bellowed Seamus, this time with Dean and Justin Finch−Fletchley aiding him. "WE'RE FROM HOGWARTS!"

Hermione took a handful of students and began to post fliers under doors of the outskirt housing.

"THE MIGHTY MIGHTY HOGWARTS!"

Styx
08-23-2006, 02:22 PM
As everyone is pointing out all of Harrys mistakes in this fic they tend to forget that he paid dearly for each one of them. As this is the first book in a trilogy, I think its meant to teach Harry that the Light side is doomed to fail. Here Harry makes hes trademark idiotic mistakes and people die, Harry refuses to kill Death Eaters and people die, Harry does nothing and people still die. The way im figuring this Harry will be completely disillusioned by the end of the first book and ready to kill, maim and otherwise hurt Death Eaters.:)

Liseli
08-27-2006, 12:46 AM
I've been following this one forever, but it's been so long since the last update that I can't remember what happened in that chapter. Harry goes in and out of character though (and yes, I know that sometimes it is for a reason).

One part that stands out in my mind was the whole protest in Hogsmead. That was really a wtf moment. I mean a peaceful protest, really? You know it won't end up that way and besides, what would it change? I dunno, maybe I remember it incorrectly.

Voldemort really is brilliant, I must say. Apart from him, the only thing that keeps me reading this fic is that I can't wait to see what happened to the evil Harry. I hope he ended up in CannonHarry's world; that could make things interesting. I think he may be the subject of the second story.

nonjon
09-28-2006, 03:40 PM
Finally an update, though it just builds up all the tension and leaves you wanting more. Still, I'm dying to see what Voldemort has in store for his inauguration.

He's splitting this chapter up, so this update is probably barely 23,000 words.

And in case you didn't know, the last three chapters have only been posted on the yahoogroup (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stranger_trilogy/). Jono hasn't put up a chapter on fanfiction.net since January, nor schnoogle since May of last year.

The teaser for the second half of "Who Dares Wins" is pretty evil.

Dondada
01-01-2007, 04:38 AM
Chapter 16 is finally up on his yahoo group page. I haven't gotten around to reading it, but I took a peak and, phew, its one hell of a mammoth. Nice way to start the year eh?

Palver
01-01-2007, 08:15 AM
Well, awesome update certainly, enjoyed it. However, Harry saying to Voldemort "You are under arrest" is certainly on the list of the most stupidest things said by Harry. It was funny :-/

Brooklynight
01-07-2007, 04:00 PM
Well that was one hell of an update. I agree the part about arresting Voldemort was funny. The SAS and SBS parts could have been a bit better written. There were parts where they werent' as professional as I would have imagined them being.

The large gaps in between this fucs updates can get frustrating but its still one of the best out there.

Sinya
01-20-2007, 12:48 PM
As this is the first book in a trilogy, I think its meant to teach Harry that the Light side is doomed to fail.

We are doomed. This is one of the greatest fics, that I ever read, but updating... Sometimes I think that killing myself is not such bad thing.:wall:

nonjon
01-31-2007, 01:42 PM
Yeesh. Some people sound so entitled to regular timely updates. If anything it's your own fault for reading an unfinished work, not the author's for failing to use his free time to meet up with your demands.

That said, if anyone's waiting on it, the first fic in this trilogy has been completed. Epilogue for A Stranger in an Unholy Land has gone up on his yahoogroup.

And you even get a little teaser for the second fic in the trilogy, A Stranger in the Promised Land.

Nice little wrap up. Re-read the Harry/Voldie battle in the previous chapter. That's a pretty dern good one. Such a brilliant crafty Voldemort here, it's a little sad to see him beaten, but still.

Excellent fic. Big chapters. And the next fic starts with a not completely new twist, but certainly one with potential.

ip82
01-31-2007, 02:09 PM
One fine day I might gather enough mental fortitude to finish this fic without spontaneously combusting at some of this Harry's 'brighter' ideas. But I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Palver
01-31-2007, 07:18 PM
Interesting, who is the Dark Lord in the part II? :)

cmuylistoooo
02-01-2007, 05:56 AM
not mentioned yet, but the headmaster of hogwarts is tom m. riddle.

yojorocks
02-01-2007, 09:04 PM
Bueatiful ending for a fic, but I'm slightly worried about how he is going to pull off Riddle. I mean, essentially he is creating an OC and putting him in as Riddle from the sound of it; the Tom we here at DLP know and love would never fight for the light, so I am very curious about how he is going to make him seem real instead of a Dumbledore-clone or whatnot.

The other thing that really interests me is this mention of another marked by the AK's lightening bolt: Is Jono going for a romantic partner here, or is she (yes, SHE) merely going to be a traveling companion/apprentice?

SIAUL was a long and satisfying work, but I am skeptical about this new SIAPL... I think I'll take the wait-and-see approach.

Yojo

Ayreon
02-02-2007, 06:33 AM
"she"...?

How did you conclude that?

ip82
02-02-2007, 07:23 AM
Is Jono going for a romantic partner here, or is she (yes, SHE) merely going to be a traveling companion/apprentice?

Jono is a guy, trust me.

nonjon
02-02-2007, 10:35 AM
Err... I think yojorocks was saying this 'other' marked person will be a "she," not that Jono is a she.

And I was more scared Jono would go and make someone like Malfoy the so-called chosen one. But I think yojo's right, considering the front picture for the sequel has Kirsten Dunst with a lightning shaped scar? Maybe Rose? I think Ginny would be infinitely uninteresting, but it looks like a 'she.'

The banner I was referring to is here: http://www.geocities.com/serpant_sorcerer/PromisedBanner.jpg

Ayreon
02-02-2007, 10:55 AM
Ok, I didn't inspect the banner this closely. ;)

Manatheron
02-03-2007, 02:11 AM
My vote is Lovegood, I dunno why, it just is.

nonjon
02-19-2007, 07:47 PM
The first chapter of the sequel was posted on the yahoogroup (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stranger_trilogy). I'm a little hesitant after it because I hate Harry trying to "hide his abilities" and his frustrations/angsting over the situation are... well, completely predictable and uninteresting. Within reason too, it's just the last chapter of the previous fic and the defeating of Voldemort has us still on this emotional high cheering on the occasionally badass hero. Instead we're back at square 1-B with a whiny secretive Harry coping in a new dimension.

Even still, I'm looking forward to more of this.

And we do get to find out who the "Girl-Who-Lived" is in this one. I doubt it's who you expect but I think it's an excellent choice.

Then again, I also know who the Dark Lord in this dimension is and I think that's also an interesting choice with potential.

Palver
02-20-2007, 01:47 AM
Well, Harry was a bit whiny at the beginning, but then who in his situation wouldn't? And he regained his optimism at the end.

The GWL surprised me, and I confess, I'm a bit dissapointed - I was hoping for Slytherin girl (different Dark Lord, different ideology and different enemies), but alas.

It also seems from the limited information in this chapter, that Dark Lord is a Voldemort clone or something - Identical Death Eaters, similiar actions. Strange. Looking forward for update.

Samuel Black
02-26-2007, 06:02 AM
This could be really interesting. I personally am very interested in hearing who the dark lord is, because remember, Tom said that Dumbledore died 50 years ago or something right? So, does that mean Grindlewald was never defeated?

Wisdom's Mountain
02-26-2007, 07:05 PM
My guess is that Grindelwald defeated Dumbledore instead of the other way around. As a result, Tom was pulled into the "vacuum", so to speak, of the light created by Dumbledore's death. I'm looking forward to a more aggressive Harry in this story, so I predict that there will be even better fight scenes.

cmuylistoooo
04-26-2007, 02:56 AM
The new chapter is out people.

this chapter set a lot of things in motion. I wished it had more though.

BloodRedSword
04-28-2007, 11:01 AM
Well ya... the new chapter is very nice... it certainly put a lot of things into persecutive... just hope that it will be just as nice as Siaul

thisperson
05-10-2007, 11:28 AM
Only on chapter three so far.

The story seems fine although the author could use scene breaks to signify a change in person's POV. Although you find out in the next sentence, it would be nice to know.

Slow moving but with the chapters being so massive I'm not sure it should go any other way.

4/5 Still no reason as to how Harry got transported...I am such an impatient fuck...:mid2

nonjon
05-10-2007, 01:41 PM
I added a link to Jono's yahoogroup in the first post. It's here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stranger_trilogy/

On the yahoogroup are formatted HTML files with the proper scene breaks, bold, italics, etc. You might prefer to read it there.

Also on the yahoogroup are the first two chapters of the sequel, part two in the 'stranger' trilogy (A Stranger in a Promised Land), which so far hasn't been posted anywhere else to the best of my knowledge.

I will admit the question of "how" Harry got transported I don't even remember thinking about, just sort of accepting that he did.

Robo Jesus
05-10-2007, 09:34 PM
I have a question. Why is this story in the "Time Travel" section, when the story isn't about Harry jumping around in time, but is instead about Harry jump through different universes, and ultimately, trying to get home?

thisperson
05-15-2007, 08:19 PM
I just finished Stranger in an Unholy Land.

I couldn't get past the fact that Harry did not want to kill. I guess I was expecting a Dark!Harry yet that did not happen, so it was a bit of a letdown.

Everything else was great. From Dumbledore, to Flamel (how I imagined him to be) and even Voldemort (the epictomy of a Slytherin in this story).

4.5/5 Dark!Harry or not I just couldn't see Harry hesitating so much to kill Voldemort...I mean even in cannon he has felt like killing Him...why ponder so much about it, it is the age old concept of kill or be killed.

Narf
05-16-2007, 01:31 AM
"Fics where Harry travels in time or to other dimensions."

^ Robo Jesus, that's why.

Robo Jesus
05-16-2007, 02:05 AM
"Fics where Harry travels in time or to other dimensions."

^ Robo Jesus, that's why.

Hmm, alright. I assumed that dimension hopping was something more in lieu of the Alternate Board. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

Palver
07-09-2007, 02:45 PM
New chapter is up on yahoo group!

The Fine Balance
07-10-2007, 03:07 AM
Not as good as the previous chapters. 3.5/5.

Harry was far too altruisic in the manner he was constantly thinking poor Katie, and after a dozen or so references, it got pretty irritating. I expected him to be a lot more selfish about things after the first two chapters. This Harry seemed vastly different from his earlier self.

Plot isn't moving at an enjoyable place. I found this chapter dreadfully slow.

Besides the conversation with Umbridge and Transfiguation proff., the rest were not up to the mark. They seemed to lack in the spark that propelled his earlier chapters along.

So, all in all, a fairly disappointing chapter. Still, far better than most of the sh!t out there.

Ps. Ignore the Spelling mistakes. Damn tired.

xcel
07-10-2007, 03:00 PM
I have been following this fic for quite a while. The author is very talented and consistantly updates with extremely long chapters. The updates however are not frequent but waiting for something is half the fun after all. When I first read this fic i was thought it was quite similiar to bourne identity where harry gets this cool fighting moves. I thought it would be Mary Sue but as the fic progresses we find that Voldemort is very cunning and manipulative and one of the best villians of fan fiction ever characterized. The interactions between the characters in the first story was superb. Rose was really fleshed out and his parents also, as well as Flamel, making the story very reallistic. What I like most about this fic is the battle scenes rivalling even those of Shezza88's. This author is obviously skilled in that area. The plot itself leaves nothing to be wanted, and Harry's characterization is also kept in character. He is like he always was, a caring hero. This does not change, but there is character growth. For example Harry has accepted his violent tendencies and he is slowly changing. it won't be too long before he DOESNT hesitate to kill his enemies. The latest chapter was really something. It had everything a good chapter needs: Long length, filler, good dialoge and cahracterization, battle scenes - the one in Borgins was great. What I find particularly annoying about this chapter is that the author changes the point of views from Katie to Borgins then back to Harry then to the mysterious man who fights Harry. Just keep it in Harry's pov, cant ya? All in all this story is one of the best in Harry Potter fan fiction. I have noticed recently that fan fiction readers and writers is declning in the HP genre but fics like these keep it alive.

Good job, serpent-sorcerer. You are really a good author and I rate your still yet uncomplete trilogy a good ten out of ten not for the writing but for the great read and entertainment it is. I am looking forward to the next chapter, and I know that the two months waiting period will probably be worth it.

Still, I hope you update a bit faster... .

Taure
07-10-2007, 03:10 PM
I've given up on this fic with the latest chapter.

By the end of "Stranger in an Unholy Land", Harry had absorbed and integrated all of the Dark Knight's skills, knowledge, and instincts with his own.

These skills were those that allowed the Dark Knight to be the second most feared wizard in Britain, and the defeater of Voldemort, effectively making Harry the most powerful wizard in the UK.

Now, with the sequel, "Stranger in a Promised Land", Jono has pretty much reverted Harry to his canon state. The defeater of Voldemort is getting beaten in duels by random dark wizards - wizards nowhere near Voldemort's level. Now, with this latest chapter, we find out that he doesn't even know his 6th year Hogwarts material.

The inconsistancy is astounding, and I find myself disliking the abrupt change in Harry's character, just for the sake of keeping peril, immensly.

Part one of this fic gets 5/5 from me.

Part 2 gets 2/5

Palver
07-10-2007, 03:11 PM
Battle scene at Borgin's was one of the best I've read recently. I don't mind Katie's POV, as it gives us a look at Harry from outside perspective.

Taure, while Dark Harry was second most feared wizard in Britain, it does not mean that he was second most knowledgeable or powerful. As for the Hogwarts subjects - he hadn't need for Potions as Dark Lord had Potion Masters like Snape, and etc. Dark Knight was feared because of his killer instincts, absolute ruthlessness, terrorist act's and obvious cruel nature despite good upbringing...

Remember Dark!Harry's duel with Kingsley - he hadn't escaped unscratched and lost his objective. He wasn't some super-wizard.

And even then, I think Harry isn't using Dark Knights abilities to its full potential - firing Stunning Spells, and making mistakes. We saw what he did at his fullest at SIAUL - and good Harry recalled feeling of anger and hate and Darkness when 'merging' himself with Dark Knight, while now they are not mentioned.

P.S. Harry hadn't lost in a duel - he stood his ground pretty well with obviously older and very skilled assassin-like wizard and only accidental injury and opponents luck at the end saved Dark Wizard from Harry.

Narf
07-27-2007, 04:11 PM
Also, Taure, in the final battle between Harry and Voldemort in SIAUL, it says that while Harry is no match for Voldemort magically, he is more than a match for him physically. That is why he went through all that trouble of getting Project Arctic Thunder. Uh, I think that's what it was called. He could hold his own for a while in a duel with Voldemort, I believe though. But whenever he fought Voldemort, he had a lot of room to maneuver and in a well lighted place, whereas the first time he fought the mystery guy, he was in a dark forest, and had fallen under a surprise attack. The second time it was both dark and cramped, and he couldn't be sure as to where the other guy was. He also couldn't do his usual rolling and dodging without risking cutting himself on glass, or hitting a stray desk.

So no, he is not the most powerful wizard in the world. He might never be. And the fact that he is not all powerful adds to the appeal of the story, in my opinion.

Taure
07-28-2007, 07:46 AM
The Dark Knight wasn't all about combat though. Remember that weird stick he had made, that everyone was impressed by? The one that stunned people, and then later Harry, using the Dark Knight's knowledge, modified?

Being able to create enchanted objects is quite a skill, and one that involves a decent knowledge of magic.

In addition, for the Dark Knight to be feared for his combat skills he needs magic. Charms and transfiguration are just as effective as any Dark Arts in fighting, so for the Dark Knight to be the feared fighter he was he would need these too.

I'm not asking for him to be the strongest wizard in the world. I'm just asking for him to be a teensy bit more competent than canon!Harry, in attitude as well as magic.

CosmosGravitation
09-20-2007, 10:38 PM
Chapter 4 of the sequel is up on the authors yahoo website. He says the next one is already being beta'd and will be up shortly as well. Don't read anymore of this post if you haven't read the new chapter.





Harry being magically weak for whatever reason is kind of lame. I don't see any need for it in the story at this point either which makes it twice as confusing. Not sure if it's because of Malfoy's unknown curse or because his burning day is approaching but I hope it's the later. Although then again I don't remember Fawkes being weak except for on his burning day itself. Do we know how often Phoenix's burning days occur? I guess I'll just wait and see where the author is going with it. I don't understand why Harry didn't just tell Pompfrey it was Malfoy who cursed him so they could find out if Malfoy's curse was indeed responsible.

Other then that it was a pretty good chapter. Writing and characterization is well above the norm as usual. Katie is a little overly suspicious of her fellow Gryffindor I think.

Palver
09-21-2007, 12:28 AM
Author said earlier that Harry's Animagus form would be a gift and a curse for him at the same time. Harry enjoyed abilities of a Phoenix, and now he would experience the 'curse'. I guess being burned alive on a regular basis would make a nice compensation :-/

CosmosGravitation
09-21-2007, 03:10 AM
Ah. It's not as bad as I feared then. Hopefully it won't last very long though. I mean, Fawkes never had any problems except for on his burning day itself right?

I still wonder how often Phoenix's have their burning day. Is it like a birthday and happens once a year? I suppose I could go back and track how long it's been since Harry first became a phoenix animagus and I would imagine that might give an approximation for what length of time the author is using, but I'm not quite THAT curious. To much work.

fash
09-23-2007, 07:04 AM
I like this story a lot, well worth the read.

I wouldn't mind reading a story of the evil!harry in that universe.

Luke

Chime
09-24-2007, 08:45 PM
Atleast Harry's drop in power is given a reason for now. It was stupid when Harry was just holding his own against some nobody death eater.

I hope it's some super-extended burning day too, some unnamed curse sounds lame.

Chapter 4 was a major improvement over the last 3 (the first was expository, the second was too historical, and the third was just a lot of fluff-action). Still I don't understand Harry though. First he says he needs to get home, then he wants to join the DA, knowing full well that it's counterproductive.

At least with this murder subplot Harry has a reason to be angry and kick some ass. I'm hoping Harry can get over this bullshit "I gotta get out of this universe" idea and just deal with the fact he's stuck there until Grindewald is dead. Perhaps that's what the summary of chapter 5 is alluding to.

I hope chapter 6 doesn't take forever and a half to write (although to be fair, serpant-sorc writes a ton of quality in only 2 months).

Narf
09-24-2007, 08:58 PM
I liked this chapter too. In the beginning I was getting a little pissed that he was losing power, but if it is a negative consequence because of him animagus form, then I love it. It's a nice little twist, at least. If he gets an incredibly powerful and useful animagus form, he also gets its disadvantages. First time I've ever seen this happen in a Phoenix!Harry story.

X-Man
10-14-2007, 02:27 AM
Jono updated again. I like reading about some one other than Voldemort, being the main antagonist. 5/5 for me.

Halstead
10-14-2007, 11:58 AM
It was a good chapter. Not the best but it has set the scene for the both the big "action" sequence. I hope Harry finally becomes more like the Dark Knight because they have been the best parts of the series.

Sometimes it goes on in parts and Harry can be a proper wimp at times but this is still one of the best series out there. Hopefully the new "Dark Lord" is not just a Voldie clone.

4.8/5

Narf
10-14-2007, 02:31 PM
I really liked the new chapter, and the fact that the Dark Knight is finally going to come back out into the open. Also fucking shocked that chapter 6 is already being betaed.

CosmosGravitation
10-14-2007, 11:22 PM
This was a good chapter. I'm glad that the plot points we're familiar with from OotP are nearing an end. It felt like a cop out to have everything so similar to Harry's world when most of the major players are completely different people. That should be over within the next couple of chapters. Hopefully kickass Harry will be making a full return in the next chapter.

While it's a great idea, it's also nice that Harry's burning day is over.

On the next chapter, Jono did post the following on his website:

Yes, chapter 6 is being beta'd, but don't get your hopes up. this one is liable to go through several drafts and be altered, and so will take some time,

Oh well.

Chime
10-16-2007, 05:23 PM
The side-tracking and "organization protecting the warp stone" was stupid (his trip to see the woman).

The rest of the chapter was great, Riddle was done well. The fact that Harry will be fighting in a full fledged battle once more is great news.

Was it ever mentioned how Sirius was related to Katie? Was it just assumed Sirius became friends with Katie's father instead of Harry's? Otherwise... how would he be Katie's god-father? I wonder if Jono will kill him off despite Harry's attempts.

vanna
10-16-2007, 07:10 PM
The only hint we are given is that Katie said something like "It's serious". I don't remember any other reference to Sirius Black in this book. Perhaps she really did say "serious" and it's someone other than Black who is in danger.

Ayreon
10-16-2007, 07:16 PM
Btw: There are only very few Christians in Turkey - very strange that Harry finds a church...
Even then, the priests there don't wear black.

Samuel Black
10-16-2007, 09:00 PM
Is it ever said that Sirius IS Katie's godfather? I mean, for all we know, Katie rescued him with buckbeak, and then just became good friends. Maybe Katie just wants to rescue him because she's a friend of his.

Chime
10-17-2007, 08:36 AM
The only hint we are given is that Katie said something like "It's serious". I don't remember any other reference to Sirius Black in this book. Perhaps she really did say "serious" and it's someone other than Black who is in danger.

Perhaps so... Harry was the one thinking of Sirius, it was never mentioned by Katie. Interesting twist if it isn't Sirius after all.

LightEmoGuy
10-25-2007, 06:47 AM
This story would be good and all if harry potter had a FKEN BRAIN. It drags on way to much, and harry is WAY TOO STUPID. Reading his stupidity just makes me soo pissed. Oh, and also, TOO SLOW! 2/5 for effort.

EDIT: why is this in time travel? Move to Alternate please mods

Randeemy
10-25-2007, 07:45 AM
This an Ararkia are the only fics I read now, and given Anarkia seems to get an annual update I am left with just this.

It will be good to see the Dark Knight reappear and hopefully Harry remembers to use those cool shield spells he got from the original Dark Knight in the Unholy Land.

There is likely to be a reason for Jono to go on a tangent to about the key stones and the organistation protecting them. Rememeber this is part two of a trilogy he is writing.

Lightemoguy2
10-25-2007, 08:10 AM
Now, why was i banned for stating my pure opinion? A bit unfair don't you guys think. Well you said "Maybe next time" This is my next time, and heres what i say: This story is slow and until chapter 6, essentially saying nothing. I'd advise readers to skip the first 5 chapters if it gets too boring as there is little important plot there. Still 2/5.

And mods, please do not abuse your powers. Banning for no reason and no warning is hardly fair. And please, the mod which banned me, PM me as i would like to know purely why you did so. I admit i have little power over the mods, but surely such action cannot be let loose without consequences? Who will watch the watchers? (Cliche i know)

Randeemy
10-25-2007, 10:18 AM
A Cupspeaker eh?


The first 5 chapters set up the 6th fool. It would be terrible for chapter 6 to have Harry arriving in the promised land and then running straight to the DoM to fight. The first 5 chapters built up the situation of this world, who the Dark Lord was, what happened to Dumbledore and Riddle as well as Harry's quest to return to his world.

Sledgehammer
10-25-2007, 03:01 PM
I, for one, am grateful for the professional distance the author keeps from the protagonist. Too many others write established characters as though they were undeclared self-inserts or author avatars.

nonjon
11-07-2007, 02:29 PM
I finally got caught up on the sequel here. And while "lightemoguy" appears severely retarded and incapable of expressing himself helpfully, I agree with the spirit of his declaration.

Harry Potter is, from what I can tell, the stupidest character in this entire series. Every other character shows at least passing intelligence and understanding. But Harry is beyond aggravatingly dumb and immature. "Riddle is evil, I know it. This isn't my fight. I shouldn't interfere. Of course everything in this world is playing out EXACTLY as the one I know, but still it's not my fight. Of course I'll spy on Katie and want to get into the DA just because I want to see if she's as good a teacher as me. Yes, I'll creepily watch the girls in her dorm sleep, but I won't tell her about essence of murlap to help her hand. And oh look, there's an electrical outlet and I have a fork..."

For god's sake, Jono. We're supposed to like Harry or at least root for him to win. Right now, I'd rather his brain get fried, turned to mush, and then maybe the evil/original Dark Knight can take over. Because I wouldn't trust this Harry to figure out how to open an automatic door.

I suppose he's aiming to make Harry a "real" teenager. You know, basically someone nobody really likes. Someone impulsive, stupid, and completely unable to relate to anyone younger or older than him. Someone you happily wave goodbye to for a couple of years and hope than when you see him again, he won't be the useless wretch of a human that he is right now. Essentially, a very average and typical teenager.

There's something wrong when I like every other character more than I like Harry. And it's not that he seems about a fifth of the wizard he was by the end of the last story. Regardless of his messed up magic, or the mysterious wizard whose nearly kicked his ass a couple times. At least that Harry had a clue. He'd make a decision, and work his ass off to carry out a course of action. This one is so all over the place and such an idiot that it just becomes a drag to even read.

This chapter ended at a very nice crucial spot where hopefully the story will take off in a mildly compelling direction. But after reading the last few, I think again I'd rather wait until there are at least four or five new chapters rather than one.

I wouldn't care so much if there wasn't so much potential in this storyline. Several aspects of the first story were brilliant, and it's always been handled reasonably well by a decently skilled writer. But with a Harry like this, it's a chore to even read.

What was once 4.5 or 5 out of 5, is now much closer to a 3/5. And if it continues as its been going I can see that rating going even lower.

rj_stone2
11-07-2007, 03:12 PM
I agree with nonjon's review. And he didn't even get into Harry's brilliant plan to lay low by periodically giving Katie suspiciously pertinent bits of Yoda-like advice (while captivating her with his brilliant gaze, natch), and then acting like a total moron the rest of the time.

Taure
11-07-2007, 05:55 PM
I finally got caught up on the sequel here. And while "lightemoguy" appears severely retarded and incapable of expressing himself helpfully, I agree with the spirit of his declaration.

Harry Potter is, from what I can tell, the stupidest character in this entire series. Every other character shows at least passing intelligence and understanding. But Harry is beyond aggravatingly dumb and immature. "Riddle is evil, I know it. This isn't my fight. I shouldn't interfere. Of course everything in this world is playing out EXACTLY as the one I know, but still it's not my fight. Of course I'll spy on Katie and want to get into the DA just because I want to see if she's as good a teacher as me. Yes, I'll creepily watch the girls in her dorm sleep, but I won't tell her about essence of murlap to help her hand. And oh look, there's an electrical outlet and I have a fork..."

For god's sake, Jono. We're supposed to like Harry or at least root for him to win. Right now, I'd rather his brain get fried, turned to mush, and then maybe the evil/original Dark Knight can take over. Because I wouldn't trust this Harry to figure out how to open an automatic door.

I suppose he's aiming to make Harry a "real" teenager. You know, basically someone nobody really likes. Someone impulsive, stupid, and completely unable to relate to anyone younger or older than him. Someone you happily wave goodbye to for a couple of years and hope than when you see him again, he won't be the useless wretch of a human that he is right now. Essentially, a very average and typical teenager.

There's something wrong when I like every other character more than I like Harry. And it's not that he seems about a fifth of the wizard he was by the end of the last story. Regardless of his messed up magic, or the mysterious wizard whose nearly kicked his ass a couple times. At least that Harry had a clue. He'd make a decision, and work his ass off to carry out a course of action. This one is so all over the place and such an idiot that it just becomes a drag to even read.

This chapter ended at a very nice crucial spot where hopefully the story will take off in a mildly compelling direction. But after reading the last few, I think again I'd rather wait until there are at least four or five new chapters rather than one.

I wouldn't care so much if there wasn't so much potential in this storyline. Several aspects of the first story were brilliant, and it's always been handled reasonably well by a decently skilled writer. But with a Harry like this, it's a chore to even read.

What was once 4.5 or 5 out of 5, is now much closer to a 3/5. And if it continues as its been going I can see that rating going even lower.

Exactly what I think. I even told Jono so much on his Yahoo group, but got run off it by the rabid fans who don't allow their favourite story to be criticised.

I suppose Jono is making Harry weak and stupid at the beginning of Promised Land, undoing all the apparent progress and knowledge Harry gained in the Unholy Land, because otherwise Harry would be pretty strong and there would be not much peril unless he was facing the big bad. This way he can once again go through a natural progression of increasing strength as the fic goes by until it reaches a climax, at which point Harry will once again presumably jump worlds and go back to point 0.

I understand his motivation for doing it, but that doesn't change the fact that its utter crap and poor authorship. The story has no consistency from Unholy land over to Promised Land.

nonjon
11-08-2007, 12:19 AM
I understand his motivation for doing it, but that doesn't change the fact that its utter crap and poor authorship. The story has no consistency from Unholy land over to Promised Land.Exactly. It's like he learned nothing. All he's concerned about is getting back to his world or the 'unholy' land. He even hatched a brief scheme to try and trick Hermione into doing some really complicated arithmancy? I mean we established Albus is dead, as are the Potters, but has he even attempted to see if the nearest thing to an expert in the "node" field (not to mention his Occlumency teacher/mentor) Flamel lives in this world? Probably not, but still.

Too many of Harry's actions just end up as pointless wastes of time that reading about them feels like a pointless waste of time.

IBG
11-10-2007, 07:22 PM
Could someone email me the last 3 chapters? Its taking forever for me getting accepted in the Yahoo Group.

My email is im2kool4u@gmail.com

Thanks in advance,
IBG

Robo Jesus
11-10-2007, 09:09 PM
Could someone email me the last 3 chapters? Its taking forever for me getting accepted in the Yahoo Group.

My email is im2kool4u@gmail.com

Thanks in advance,
IBG

Send me a PM linking to some good twincest porn and you have yourself a deal.;):p

IBG
11-11-2007, 12:54 AM
Someone sent me chapter 3,4 and 5 but i still need chapter 6!

Thanks a lot to whoever sent those 3, and thanks in advance to anyone sending me chap 6

X-Man
11-11-2007, 12:59 AM
Send me a PM linking to some good twincest porn and you have yourself a deal.;):p

Is that female/female, male/male, or female/male?

Robo Jesus
11-11-2007, 02:52 AM
Is that female/female, male/male, or female/male?

Male/Male is a no-no. Anything else though is more than welcome...;):p

IBG
11-11-2007, 03:55 AM
Oh come on someone send me the 6th chap please :(

Narf
11-11-2007, 04:10 AM
... chapter 6 isn't out yet. It isn't hard to register for the group. It takes a maximum of 2 minutes. You could have probably finished by now.

IBG
11-11-2007, 05:19 AM
um.. and i have registered there on the group, it just hasnt been approved yet
Chapter VI: Return of the Stranger (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stranger_trilogy/files/Stranger%20in%20the%20Promised%20Land/chapter06.html)

Narf
11-11-2007, 05:34 AM
Oh, I wasn't aware that Jono added that feature on. My bad.

Still, the chapter isn't out yet. We're all impatient, just not you.

IBG
11-11-2007, 05:59 AM
Oh sorry, I just saw the link and since I cant follow it assumed that it was a chapter. I've followed this story for ages and its my equal favourite with HP & The Phoenix Wrath

Taure
11-11-2007, 06:07 AM
You can follow the story without joinging the Yahoo group on his Geosite:

http://www.geocities.com/serpant_sorcerer/promised.html

IBG
11-11-2007, 06:17 AM
Um Taure. Geocities IS Yahoo, and that is part of his Yahoo Group, you cant see any chaps until your approved into the group.

Taure
11-11-2007, 07:04 AM
I know Geosites are run by Yahoo, but I was under the impression that they were seperate from Groups.

The Fine Balance
11-11-2007, 09:06 AM
You know, the pic posted with the teaser(/summery) of chapter six, makes me tingle all over.

Taure
11-11-2007, 02:10 PM
Yeah, the pic is good, but I can just feel that Jono isn't going to deliver. His Harry is too pussyfied at the moment.

Philly Homer
11-11-2007, 04:08 PM
The picture (from the author's standpoint) is one of the best teasers ever.

So far the story has not met expectations, but I have high expectations for the upcoming chapter.

This is going to be the turning point of the story if it improves at all.


Homer

Chime
11-11-2007, 06:56 PM
If only Jono had posted his chapters here for us to proof... perhaps, perhaps...

Chapter 6 will determine the awesome-level of "Unholy Land", but I think, that even if the unholy land is lame, the third installment will still be awesome. Because then, Jono won't have to hold back. Harry can go all out on his former-self without lame plot devices to restrain him.

It will be interesting to see how the evil Harry has ravaged Britain.

Narf
11-11-2007, 07:17 PM
That's even if the other Harry even changed places with the original Harry. We don't know for sure what happened yet. And even so, the other Harry might have the knowledge, but we all know how weak canon!Harry's body is. Most of Harry's strength is derived from the fact that he can fight/dodge well with his physical capabilities much heightened due to the new body.

And then there's the fact that we don't know about how magic works in this particular HPverse. Why is it that you have to practice spells until you can perform the spell perfectly? In theory, all you would have to have is the wand movement done perfectly, and voice the incantation with its correct pronunciation to perform the spell correctly.

But take the Stunning Curse for example. From what we've seen in the books, it doesn't need a wand movement, just point and yell, "Stupefy!" So why is it that Harry needed to practice on Ron before the Third Task?

What it comes down to is whether or not it's your body/magic that has to get used to performing the new spell. If it is the body, and not the mind/soul/whatever, then if the Dark Harry is in the original Harry's body, he wouldn't pose a significant threat. The worst he could do is stain his reputation.

If it does have to do with the mind/soul, then yes, he does have an arsenal of Dark magic at his fingertips, which would make him dangerous. He still would not be nearly as fearsome, what with his weak body.

fuubar
11-16-2007, 10:49 PM
I think that while Harry so far has been a bit of a pansy. Most of it has been because he has just been trying to stay the hell outa the way of everyone. I mean if he came back after a month of being "dead" and started anihilating everything that would probably raise a few red flags for Riddle.

That said I think that Harry's character is going to go back to the way it was at the end of Unholy Land this next chapter.

Boo
11-18-2007, 10:31 PM
All i hear is people talking about how weak Harry is.
There could be dozens of reason that he is weaker or dumber

The 'Node' might have affected something when he went through.

As for not going to Flamel for help; Harry sees things going on as they happened in his world, which would mean Flamel wouldnt have the stone anymore and would be dead. Plus he already got it wrong once before.

And Harry going in the girls room and watching Katie sleep is a little weird.

And Harry has reason not to trust Headmaster Riddle. 6 years of being hunted can do that. plus he was cuaght lieing right to Harrys' face.

Harry not wanting to get involved in the 'Promised land' war. He just got done fighting one and he still has to fight another.


Harry joined the RA to pass the time when he's not looking for a way home and to offer some help to that world (granted he did teach them anything at all)



Yea he does do dumb things, but its 'Harry' what did you expect. :D


I really like how serpent sorcercer did the whole phoenix animgus(sp?) the rebirth was quite unexpected
i thought harry was sick becuase of his arm. i mean he's not a healer and all he did was close the wound letting blood build up, and it did seem to be getting worse and worse.


serpent sorcercer keep up the good work. Great story very original (to me anyway)

Boo
11-19-2007, 11:18 PM
hey, does anyone know who the girls are in the pictures on the yahoo group?

nonjon
11-20-2007, 01:07 PM
If you've read the stories then it's not hard to tell. The older pictures had one girl who was supposedly "Rose" (Harry's sister) from Unholy Land. The ones featuring a girl with a scar are (minor spoiler, I don't care) Katie Bell, the Girl-Who-Lived in Promised Land.

The current one is odd seeing Veronica Mars with the scar, but I reckon she's the new Katie. I think it had been Kirsten Dunst in one of the older ones with a crudely drawn on scar.

And Boo, please, capital letters are your friend. Punctuation, grammar, a little effort to make the forums not look like an IM chat log would be appreciated. Double posts are bad too, but sometimes unavoidable. Acknowledgment and apologies for double-posting are appreciated in those instances or else the wolves and grammar nazis will give you the thrashing your few posts on the board deserve.

Wisdom's Mountain
11-20-2007, 07:18 PM
I'm enjoying the the mystery aspect of the sequel, as opposed to the slash-and-bang style of the first story. With that thought, perhaps the sequel should get its own thread.

Boo
12-01-2007, 11:20 PM
I was just thinking. In the 'Unholy land' people said that Harry(Dark knight) just started to hate everything and separate himself from everyone for no real reason. Is it possible that another 'Harry' came to that world the same way Harry did?

That would mean there are a bunch of Harry dopplegangers out in someone elses universe. And the old woman talking about balance would be impossible (not her talking about balance, but the actual balance thing)

Sledgehammer
01-04-2008, 02:14 AM
My theory has always been that the Dark Knight version of Harry was a victim of Riddle's diary, much like Ginny had been in CoS.

Samuel Black
01-04-2008, 02:36 AM
I... I actually never thought of that. That's not a bad idea.

eXcalite
01-08-2008, 09:41 AM
updated on jonos yahoo group

Narf
01-08-2008, 10:00 AM
Oh holy shit. o_o

And I have work now. God fucking damnit!

Taure
01-08-2008, 12:05 PM
Urgh.

As expected, I disliked it.

He managed to turn what was promising to be a good chapter into an angst-fest. He also appears to be going down the same route JKR went down in HBP and DH. Power of love, holier-than-thou killing your enemy in a war is wrong, violence is not the answer blah blah blah.

The Harry/Grindelwald duel was good, but that was the sole highlight of the chapter.

Mors
01-08-2008, 01:34 PM
Update? Nao? ... /goes off to read


... disappointing. The angst, though, was somewhat necessary. People do actually feel it, now and then. Brilliant duel, but then again, Jono's duels usually are.


I imagined Harry would be keeping some of his secrets instead of splashing the news of his sudden fighting capability all over the Prophet. Why attract attention from the populace? It's not as if duelling Grindelwald would make them trust him and make his job easier... I'd always felt that if a well-known wimp suddenly comes out of nowhere and beats the shit out of the Dark Lord, that's a definite cause for suspicion. Defiance of the Hero made Harry a leader quickly, sure, but at least in that case James and Lily had been among the well-known elite fighters for decades. It wasn't that much of a leap to accept their son as a warrior. But in this case, I think Harry should've at least tried to keep his identity secret from the media. A stupid move.

You can use the spoiler tag instead, Mors. - Sree

Jolersoer
01-08-2008, 03:55 PM
Basically, I loved the first part of the chapter, including the fighting scene with Grindelwald wich is IMO very well writen.

As it was more or less following cannon until this point we had to endure the scene in the office and the angst of the explanation, and while it can be considered somewhat realistic, well it's an angst-fest.

The end of the chapter made me fear a pussyfication of Harry, who already dislike killing (sigh), I hope Harry will stay insane and that everyone will realise that when someone want to kill you, you just have to kill him first.

I will continue to follow this story which is one of the best I ever read.

Samuel Black
01-08-2008, 04:26 PM
I agree. I was half expecting Harry to show up in the mask that he wore in the first one when he infiltrated the Ministry. At least an attempt to hide his identity, but this wasn't bad.

fuubar
01-08-2008, 04:49 PM
Overall I would say that it was a good change from the rest of the story so far. The duel with Grindelwald was well done. As for him keeping his identity a secret he knew that the second he went to the ministry to help fight that he was going to have to show who he truly was as he had basically announced what he was going to do the previous chapter.

As for the reported angst... meh I didn't think that he was whining really. To me it seemed that everyone else was the one freaking out about the fact that he had killed people. Harry in this seems to try and avoid killing other people whenever he does not absolutely have to but if you didn't notice when it really came down to everything being on the line he had no trouble going for the kill.

As for the whole thing that Taure brought up about the holier-than-thou I would like to point out that it was not Harry who was saying that. It was Riddle, McGonnagal and Katie none of whom have actually fought in a war either I believe.

Taure
01-08-2008, 05:02 PM
As for the whole thing that Taure brought up about the holier-than-thou I would like to point out that it was not Harry who was saying that. It was Riddle, McGonnagal and Katie none of whom have actually fought in a war either I believe.

Yes, but you can tell Harry is going to buy into it.

Chime
01-08-2008, 05:33 PM
The chapter was good. I wasn't dissapointed, but then again, half of it was just fighting.

Things I didn't like:

–Lameness of Sirius' death. One should never need to quote cannon to kill somebody. The battle could have easily progressed without Harry interfering, with Sirius falling into the veil some other explicable way.

–Harry not as the Black Knight. White Knight is fine and all, but he could have worn a mask. It could have come off during the battle; whatever. A lot more tense with the mask, I think. A lot of good conflict/drama dispelled by Harry going in as himself.

–The angst was tolerable. I found nothing wrong with it. However, I cannot fathom Harry feeling guilty at this point. He knew what he was doing. Everything was deliberate. He can regret and whatever, but I cannot think he would still feel guilty. He just doesn't have the energy. Harry's too moral for himself to be the killer he describes himself as.

I don't mind the redemption thing so much. Whether Harry is changed as Riddle hopes or not, I don't care. Either way works. Harry can be as he is now, a sort of hybrid between evil and good, or he can be "redeemed" – I say this works because simply, Riddle was evil and so he wishes to do what Dumbledore did for him. It's a fitting conclusion. If things fit, I'm willing to let things slide.

I'm glad Harry'll be a professor. Even though that idea has been done to death, it's ten thousand times better than keeping him as a student or temporary resident at the castle.

The best thing about this chapter is that it makes the potential "romance" between Harry n' Katie a litle less likely. I'm really hoping that they don't get romantically involved, as, that would just be so cliche, I don't know if I could stand it. Harry has his own problems, he can't go woman hunting right now. One better not just fall into his lap just for convenience sakes.

Yes, but you can tell Harry is going to buy into it.

I don't know. It looks that way (Katie's descriptions and analysis of Harry lend to your prediction) but Harry's said little on the matter. It depends how he takes his teaching position and where his relationship with Katie will go. I mean, he's still keeping a secret from her, one that could just as easily rupture what little they have.

fuubar
01-08-2008, 05:39 PM
Yes, but you can tell Harry is going to buy into it.

Perhaps but I kind of doubt it, or maybe I'm just hoping that he is not going to go all uber-peaceful. If he learned anything from unholy land you would think that it would be that he decides how good or evil he is by his own actions and not some one else's impossible standards. Then again he has been being a bit of a moron so far in this time. Meh we'll see.

Boo
01-08-2008, 06:11 PM
I kinda hope that Katie and Harry get together. Its one of those rare parings that i always liked.

They seem like a good pair in this story. Both had hard lifes, having the weight of the world on their shoulders. They might need some to lean on(cheesey).

I wonder if Harry would take to his dimension in the end(if they get together).

Kang
01-08-2008, 06:14 PM
The fanfiction version is like 4 chapters behind. Do you get an email telling you if he has updated on yahoo? A bit annoyed that he went in and just told them everything but at least the duel with Grindewald was cool! 5/5 :)

Chime
01-08-2008, 06:19 PM
Harry was forced to tell the truth. The moment he went in without a mask, there was no point in hiding anything. Doing so would just draw the story out unnecessarily. As Jono said in his comments, what most of Part 2 had been so far was just a OOTP rewrite with Harry as an observer/narrator and Riddle behind it all instead of Dumbledore. Hopefully we can get a unique plot going now that everything has been laid on the table.

Narf
01-08-2008, 08:55 PM
I loved it. Battle was awesome, as was the aftermath.

For the ones talking about his guilt issues: Think about it, he went through the same thing just a year ago. He was ignored, and wasn't told anything about what was going on, which resulted in the death of his Godfather.

This time, he was the one who was doing the ignoring, and he was directly responsible for needlessly shouting out Sirius' name, distracting him, allowing Bellatrix to kill him. I'd say that's a very valid reason to be guilty. And he's not crying over it, he's accepted it and is moving on.

Robo Jesus
01-09-2008, 01:08 AM
Agreed. This chapter was a mix of battle and much needed character interaction/revelation. What's more, it's not the end of the school year yet, so essentially Riddle now needs a new defense teacher, and is obviously going to ask Harry to do it.

Dueling that worlds Dark Lord, wounding said Dark Lord, and surviving mostly unharmed I think are qualifications not many are going to argue against. Of course, this is the "no duh" type stuff. I'm interested in how Grindelwald is going to go on his offensive now.

Void Sorcerer
01-09-2008, 11:58 AM
This chapter was really well done, the flaws you all point out I completely disagree with.

Angst: It's a Necessary part of pretty much any story if it has a plot. There will be good time, there will be hard times, its a fact of life, and exists in fiction too. Besides, it is well written, you have to remember, like Sree has stated Harry experienced this about a year ago, wounds are probably still there. Then also the fact that while he might be merging with the Dark Knight, the Whimp!Harry that we started with is there as well; and while they are merging, it will still take more time.

Things are going to be starting to heat up now, and I can hardly wait for the next chapter. The duel was amazing, as are most of his duels, and I can't wait for more!

nonjon
01-09-2008, 04:59 PM
Nice monster of a chapter. (Over 50,000 words... might be the longest single chapter of fanfic I've read. Might be.)

It sounds like there's plenty of conflicting opinions on the angst and general wussiness. I wasn't crazy about the angst in OotP, but it didn't detract from the story in my opinion. Pretty much same thing here. Harry's got different guilt issues here, and I like how this time it stems from his role on the other side. Harry as the one with the knowledge, withholding it intentionally for "her benefit" supposedly. Perhaps blaming Dumbledore/Riddle a little less... it's kind of angsty, but at the same time it's almost more understanding and wisdom than the useless teenage prattle 99% of fanfic angst is.

The thing about Katie is that she's basically coming from exactly where Harry was in OotP. Still seeing the world in blacks and whites, knowing "killing" is wrong, and generally being something of a single-minded, arrogant annoyance. I don't see Harry's views on killing changing much from where they are. He wasn't trying to kill even in this chapter, but when forced into a situation where he has no other options, I don't see Harry hesitating for a moment. He just won't jump to the conclusion of 'must kill all' like some of the more bloodthirsty members of this board might wish. Never in this story has Harry killed when he didn't have to, as far as I know.

As for the potential for romance? Yeah... I don't see it going crazy but given the new prophecy I sort of see Katie and Harry getting closer and in the end it's up to Katie to say goodbye and somehow send Harry off to his own proper world. Not so much she "chooses" whether he lives or dies, but that she chooses whether to keep her boyfriend or never see him again.

Good update. This chapter probably bumped the sequel from around a 3/5 closer to a 4. I hope Jono can keep this up, even if it does take him way too many words to do it.

Joschneide
01-10-2008, 08:47 PM
Was I the only person that found this last chapter utterly frustrating? The Dark Knight, conflicted, angst-filled... I can take that. I take it with a grain of salt, considering I find the angst a bit too overdone.

However, maybe it was only me, but the entire premise of Harry acting the same as Riddle is ludicrous.

"Hey Katie, just a by the way, I'm an inter-dimensional traveler, the BOY-Who-Lived, and I've witnessed all of this before, in fact I lived it. Let me help you out."

Katie's entire guilt trip towards Harry in Riddle's office made absolutely no sense. Harry could not have come out and told her anything as it would have gotten back to Riddle through at least her friends. They've proven they do have minds of their own (Neville telling Harry the prophecy, a rather large secret Katie kept from Riddle on purpose). Harry doesn't trust Riddle, who can blame him? Telling Katie just to be on level with her welcomed Harry into a situation with which he would not be comfortable or safe. He made his moves as he was forced to do. While I'm aware that may not matter to Katie, it should matter to Harry's inner monologue.

So while I didn't mind the angst and I loved the duel with Grindelwald, I think the premise for so much of the angst and arguments didn't exactly fit and were poorly thought out.

And finally, WHY is Sirius her Godfather? I understand to follow canon it needed to be done but I never understood the why. That's kind of important.

phalanx
04-14-2008, 11:17 AM
I just finished reading A Stranger in a Unholy Land, and the first 4 chapters of the new fic, and i can say it's one of the best fic's I've seen.
Harry isn't much different from cannon, just like Dumbledore and some other characters remain canon-like. It has probably the best Voldemort I've ever seen and some excellent original ideas (I loved how Snape dealt with Parkinson on the end of Unholy).

Could someone please email-me the chapters from 4 onward of A Stranger in the Promise Land? I've asked to join the group but so far i've got no answer. My mail is the_phalanx@msn.com

Andro
04-14-2008, 08:05 PM
The machinations really made the first story. They're very nicely complex and beyond the capabilities of most writers on FFnet. But then Harry's just a sack of hammers. Who - who - wants such a mentally limited protagonist? Luckily, Harry's stupidity is overcome by the other elements of the story, but still puts a sour taste in the mouth.

It's like the author can mentally calculate 17^34 but not 2+2.

malwastyle
04-14-2008, 11:57 PM
I have to agree with Joschneide on the point he makes about Katies emo-ness. I know the author is drawing parallels to the same situation Harry faced, but the fact remains that they are two different people. Even though they grew up in similar environments the fact that one is male and the other is female will force them to perceive situations differently.

I have to admit though, that the fight scenes are the best I've read in HP fandom. I reread the fight scene a few times and simply loved it! Neville's reaction was simply classic, and the dialogue between Harry and Grindewalde was very fluent and well crafted. The updates are a bit slow, but the author types like 25k words a chapter.

Joschneide
04-15-2008, 12:08 AM
For those of you that aren't a member of the yahoo group, I thought with the recent posts you'd like a heads up that the newest chapter is in beta as of the 14th an should be released soon. Hopefully it will develop Katie into a stronger figure if not at least less willing to blame everyone.

Narf
04-15-2008, 12:29 AM
Damn. That was... I was going to say quick, but then I realized it's been what, 3 months? Right on time for Jono. I can't wait for the next chapter to come out. Though it'll probably take a month or more for the beta to finish - I'd say around 2 months. You can't really blame her though, these chapters are monstrous. :\

fuubar
04-15-2008, 01:04 AM
these chapters are monstrous. :\

I know lol. The last chapter was like 50k words. Thats half the length of some novels.

Dirk Diggory
04-15-2008, 03:05 AM
The machinations really made the first story. They're very nicely complex and beyond the capabilities of most writers on FFnet. But then Harry's just a sack of hammers. Who - who - wants such a mentally limited protagonist? Luckily, Harry's stupidity is overcome by the other elements of the story, but still puts a sour taste in the mouth.


Yeah, it's like, awesome fight scene! Great action! Enemies about to die! Suddenly, Harry stops and has an existential debate about whether he's truly more "moral" than Voldemort. Can any of us truly be moral in a gray world? What do morals mean anyway?


...meanwhile Voldemort sneaks away to go get lunch...

The Fine Balance
04-15-2008, 07:19 AM
Heh, very true.

During the whole overcooked scene I was wondering where the fuck is Tom Riddle.

And gawd, when he shot some spell to the ceiling so that he could use altitude to escape a spell, I was like.... 0_0

malwastyle
04-15-2008, 12:00 PM
The way the author uses all three dimensions is classy. Another thing is that the fighting isn't like most stories where its pokemon on your gameboy all over again.

*Harry fire expeliarimus spell

*Voldemort uses dodge .... SUCCESS!

*Harry fires exxpeliarimus

*Voldemort shoots cum .... SUCCESS!

*Harry blinded by cumshot in his eyes .... returns to pokeball.

I forget the exact schematic, having played it 12 yrs ago in grade school.

The Fine Balance
04-15-2008, 11:44 PM
No it isn't. A large part of the battle seemed far too premeditated to me, with way too much thought and theatrics involved. Anyways, it doesn't much matter. On the whole, it is still a very interesting series. I just hope the editors are a bit more comprehensive for the next chapter.

LuxDragon
04-18-2008, 04:19 AM
I just finished reading A Stranger in a Unholy Land, and the first 4 chapters of the new fic, and i can say it's one of the best fic's I've seen.
Harry isn't much different from cannon, just like Dumbledore and some other characters remain canon-like. It has probably the best Voldemort I've ever seen and some excellent original ideas (I loved how Snape dealt with Parkinson on the end of Unholy).

Could someone please email-me the chapters from 4 onward of A Stranger in the Promise Land? I've asked to join the group but so far i've got no answer. My mail is the_phalanx@msn.com

I'm trying to join too, but so far, nothing. Did anyone PM the author to update FF.net?

Anme
04-18-2008, 03:57 PM
He/She posted a while ago that he/she would be busy for some time and couldn't write a lot so it's possible that he/she doesn't check who he/she still has to accept.

I think this is one of the better stories that I'm currently following.
And it's massive, always a plus.
I would give it a 4,5/5, I think

Blaise
04-18-2008, 04:20 PM
Sucks that joining his/her site takes so long. Ah well, I can wait.

rededison
04-18-2008, 05:25 PM
He posted a while ago that he would be busy for some time and couldn't write a lot so it's possible that he doesn't check who he still has to accept.


Fixed that for you. At least according to his profile, he's male. Although he lists his occupation as 'Pirate'...

Second, chapter seven should be finished soon (update in the yahoo group says that, as of April 14, chapter 7 has been submitted for beta).

I hadn't realized that he hasn't posted chapters five and six to ff.net.

Too bad I read them months ago, otherwise I'd tell you what happened. :D

LuxDragon
04-18-2008, 05:33 PM
Fixed that for you. At least according to his profile, he's male. Although he lists his occupation as 'Pirate'...

Second, chapter seven should be finished soon (update in the yahoo group says that, as of April 14, chapter 7 has been submitted for beta).

I hadn't realized that he hasn't posted chapters five and six to ff.net.

Too bad I read them months ago, otherwise I'd tell you what happened. :D

Any chance you could help us out with posting the story a bit? :(

rededison
04-18-2008, 05:35 PM
Any chance you could help us out with posting the story a bit? :(

I will. I'm still at work right now, but when I get home I can put up a mirror of the two chapters.

LuxDragon
04-18-2008, 06:41 PM
You're a hero!

rededison
04-18-2008, 10:42 PM
Alright - my server's being bitchy, so I'm uploading them to my grad student account.

Mirror for chapter 5 (http://www.owlnet.rice.edu/%7Epakruse/stranger_mirror/chapter05.html)
Mirror for chapter 6 (http://www.owlnet.rice.edu/%7Epakruse/stranger_mirror/chapter06.html)

LuxDragon
04-19-2008, 05:22 AM
Fantastic. Thanks for your help.

Is there a chapter 7? There was a link that said there was one more left for now...

Chime
04-19-2008, 09:25 AM
Chapter 7 is still "Writing in Progress" and will be for probably another month – or so I've read. The author is busy with college.

The Fine Balance
04-19-2008, 10:42 AM
It's up to being Beta'd, actually. Hopefully it won't require much of a rewrite after it does come back. I, like the next person, like 50k chapters but I'd rather than the 17k that are only a month apart.

Vengashii
04-20-2008, 02:40 AM
The updates are a bit slow

A BIT!? You call three to five months between updates a BIT slow?!

Jono needs to learn to fucking break up his chapters into reasonable sizes. 50,000 words per chapter is not reasonable.

Anme
04-20-2008, 05:17 AM
A BIT!? You call three to five months between updates a BIT slow?!

Jono needs to learn to fucking break up his chapters into reasonable sizes. 50,000 words per chapter is not reasonable.

Lol, I quite like it to be honest.
I mostly forget about the story and then I suddenly find myself with
50k to read.:D

Chime
04-20-2008, 01:09 PM
It's up to being Beta'd, actually.

That's good to hear. Though, Jono has like 20 betas, so we've probably got another month left.

What Jono needs to do is sign up here and post his stuff as WIP – that way we get to read it ahead of time and safeguard Harry from becoming a puss.

JohnThePyro
04-21-2008, 03:39 AM
That's good to hear. Though, Jono has like 20 betas, so we've probably got another month left.

What Jono needs to do is sign up here and post his stuff as WIP – that way we get to read it ahead of time and safeguard Harry from becoming a puss.

That may be needed depending on the direction the fic seems to be going. I don't like how all this talk of "Harry only knows the sword, we need to teach him about other tactics".

HSRTG
04-22-2008, 01:24 PM
That may be needed depending on the direction the fic seems to be going. I don't like how all this talk of "Harry only knows the sword, we need to teach him about other tactics".

I gotta agree here. What's wrong with the sword anyway? After all, it worked for Genghis Khan.

Narf
04-22-2008, 01:29 PM
I've been worried about that too. But I think that Jono likes Harry being strong, he won't make him too pussyish. After all, he went through the whole first story trying to come to terms with being able to kill easily and efficiently, Jono wouldn't throw all that character development away for nothing.

Palver
04-22-2008, 01:51 PM
I've been worried about that too. But I think that Jono likes Harry being strong, he won't make him too pussyish. After all, he went through the whole first story trying to come to terms with being able to kill easily and efficiently, Jono wouldn't throw all that character development away for nothing.

Yeah, already Harry had no problems with attacking and torturing Borgin, attacking and threatening with knife St.Mungo's innocent guards and using lethal curses on Grindelwald.

White Rabbit
07-09-2008, 12:14 AM
Has anyone heard news on when the update will be? I'd ask the author if I knew his email, instead of getting your hopes up.

Hari Seldon
07-09-2008, 01:01 AM
No idea, Strager in the Promise Land has chapter 7 as "Comming soon" as of April 14th... So my guess is he's (or she) is taking a break...

Narf
07-09-2008, 01:49 AM
...

Goddamn you. Go check his yahoo group if you want to know, we don't exactly have inside knowledge.

All I know is that the chapter is done, and it is betaed, but Jono had exams when he recieved the betaed chapter back, so he didn't have a chance to look it over. That was a month or so ago (probably more), so he's had enough time to see if it was good enough to be posted -- so I'm guessing he's rewriting parts of it like he has for most other chapters. It should come out soon. Though "soon" for Jono is about 2 months...

Chime
07-09-2008, 01:54 PM
Yeah, about a month or so ago, it was finished. Jono had like 50 betas though, so while it shouldn't take that long to proof and correct his work, it just does.

Sure, having to wait six months for a new chapter is kina ridiculous, but considering the content, it's generally worth the patience.

Don't post here please. I was excited :( I thought he'd updated.

We should see the newest chapter by August, at any rate.

Narf
08-08-2008, 02:31 PM
Lol, so after a few months of Jono not even leaving a message up on his Yahoo group, he finally came back and apologized for being absent for so long. Amusing, because just before he came back there was a huge debate over whether or not the readers had a right to complain that Jono was taking way too long to update, and even let people know of his progress. Apparently he just sent the next chapter off to the betas just now.

Anyways, he gave us a small preview of chapter 7 because people were bitching so much. Nothing much, just a brief intro to the Dumbledore/Grindelwald battle shown in Tom's perspective.

Boo
08-08-2008, 03:41 PM
Well its better than nothing i guess.

Magus
08-08-2008, 06:03 PM
Fuck, I'd rather the drought continued and was lifted with one huge motherfucker of a chapter, instead we get a teaser.

If I read that teaser I'll go fucking insane waiting for the next chapter, especially as the previous chapter was so full of win!

Argh!!!

Vengashii
08-09-2008, 09:01 AM
Jono is quite the cunt.

Chime
08-09-2008, 09:59 AM
I mean, he's a busy guy and I don't blame him for not updating, but it's still ridiculous that it took him six months. It wouldn't be so bad if he broke up his chapters more (what's one chapter on average for him? 80k words?! This trilogy must will be competing with War and Peace).

Jaba
08-09-2008, 10:22 AM
Jono is quite the cunt.

Yep, and if you say anything to him the fan-girls and fan-boys will jump down your throats for insulting their precious author and his story.

Twisted
08-09-2008, 11:12 AM
The teaser is good, but the update rate had better fucking speed up. This trilogy will be finished by the time I'm 30 otherwise.

Randeemy
08-09-2008, 01:37 PM
How old are you now?

To be honest he has no obligation to update. No one whines when Anarkia is not updated for nearly two years.

He does have way too many Beta's though, and should just post it in its current state. Perhaps he is ready to surprise us with 2 or 3 chapters at once

Twisted
08-09-2008, 02:33 PM
I'm 16. I stand by my estimation.

If he surprised us with multiple chapters, every greivance I've ever had against him would be forgiven in a heartbeat.

Taure
08-09-2008, 02:42 PM
Mine wouldn't. Promised Land has been a massive disappointment from chapter 2 onwards.

della_couer
08-09-2008, 06:58 PM
I don't know I rather liked Promised Land, it was different take on the 'someone else boy-lived' genre, anyone other than a female Harry and Neville. The plot had a lot of holes but based on his previous work I was rather expecting those to be filled in as the story goes. Mind I wasn't a big fan of the trip to island and Harry meeting with the guardians of dimension travel, rolls eyes, rather contrived. Seemed forced and not really a product of the natural evolution of the plot. Still some impressively long battle scenes filled with Hollywood special effects and plenty of dramatic tension.

However, I've sort of stopped checking for updates and am just assuming it's dead. If it raises from the dead in some relatively life-life form, not zombie after brains mode, I'd be happy but I'm not counting on it. And, yeah, his groupies on Yahoo are insane. Talk about fangirl/boy rage.

But talk about epic length fanfic, even if the thing is dead, you do have to give him that.

rj_stone2
08-10-2008, 12:18 AM
Jono posted on his yahoo group at some point that the first five or six chapters of Promised Land are basically setup/preliminary stuff. So where the readers are thinking "why is Harry acting like a pussy after 400k+ words?" his thinking is that it's perfectly reasonable for Harry to be lying low 1/4 of the way into the story. I'm not sure that I really buy it, and I don't think there's really enough to the story to justify the massive word count.

Promised land has been heading downhill for a while, with the dimension travel guardians and the terrible new prophecy. I wish he would just wrap it up and move on to the final installment, I really want to see the Dark Knight "on screen." Honestly, I would have been a lot more psyched to see the "Dark Knight in the HPVerse" story than Promised Land.

Boo
08-10-2008, 01:18 AM
I like 'Promised Land'. It is a little slow, but full of story and character building and worth the wait.

The whole "why is Harry acting like a pussy?" Well he did just get done fighting a war and didnt want to fight another that in all honesty he doesnt have to. Plus he doesnt trust Riddle and he didnt want to draw attention to himself.

But i do have to admit the dimension travel guardians was a bit weird. But it doesnt really hurt the story.

LuxDragon
08-10-2008, 02:30 AM
I personally think that Harry is a pussy and an idiot and pretty damn slow in the head.

He made a choice to NOT fight in a war, and then when Sirius dies, he goes all weepy even though he knew what would happen. Worse, in the first installment, Harry actually saves Sirius from falling into the veil. Here, he had the distinct advantage of surprise and fucks it all up and Sirius dies again.

His character had really pick up the pace. He's had wounds that are painful, and instead of going to a healer, he's patches himself up with a bunch of crap laying around? Why not just study some healing magic if he's gonna get so many injuries and save some damn time? Especially if he doesn't care about his grades. Why not learn some more freakin' magic than the overused stuff he has now? Kinda sad, really.

Taure
08-10-2008, 03:26 AM
My primary objection to Promised land is that it doesn't follow from Unholy Land (which was awesome) at all. Jono has turned PL effectively into a stand-alone fic: it would take very few alterations to make PL be canon!Harry, rather than an AU Harry who has defeated Voldemort and has all the magical prowess of the second most powerful wizard in Britain.

LuxDragon
08-10-2008, 03:58 AM
Besides the fact that he wants to go home, of course. What sucks is that Jono killed off the Harry of PL. It'd be nice to see some older brother side. Family and the like.

Narf
08-10-2008, 09:17 AM
I actually like Promise Land up until now. It's slow, but so was Unholy Land in the beginning. It took a shitload of time for Harry to tell Dumbledore everything and get the confusion out of the way. Hopefully things will pick up in the next chapter.

Also, Harry didn't get all weepy when Sirius died. He blames himself slightly, because he interrupted Sirius at a crucial moment in the battle, causing him to get hit by a curse. And that's understandable, that was a stupid move on Harry's part.

And Harry's motivation for not getting into the war? He just finished another war in which Voldemort very nearly won it all, and he still hasn't reached home yet. He's tired, he's pissed, and he doesn't want to deal with the added frustration of yet another war to be involved in before he goes back home and deals with his own Voldemort. It's not like this world is deprived of their "Chosen One" like the other world was, it has Katie, and that's enough for Harry. It's her fight, not his.

LuxDragon
08-10-2008, 01:49 PM
Actually, if he didn't wanna get involved, then joining the RA was a complete waste of time. If he didn't wanna get involved, telling Riddle to talk to Katie kinda brings down alarms.

As for NOT getting weepy:

"Harry couldn’t move. He stood rooted to the spot, the revelation of what had just happened thundering in his mind. No, no, no... what did I do? It was his fault! He had distracted Sirius at precisely the wrong time − just when he needed to concentrate, Harry had foolishly called out to him. If only he had kept quiet! He had come here to help, not to make it worse! Harry's presence here was what had killed him...again. The image of Sirius falling was burned into his retina. He seemed to have taken an age to fall. Why had Harry not tried to summon him? He felt sick. His legs felt numb and tears were forming in his eyes. It was my fault! The thought repeated over and over in his mind. Was it his fault in his own world as well?"

One quote out of 8 I could pluck out. In the middle of a freakin' fight. Like I said, he made the choice, he should live with it. And he's an idiot.

Narf
08-10-2008, 01:54 PM
Uh. Yeah, that was one paragraph a second after Sirius died. And like I said, that was his fault. Right afterward he forced himself to stop worrying about Sirius and went after Katie.

LuxDragon
08-10-2008, 06:19 PM
He saved Sirius before and screwed up here. Kinda stupid.

fuubar
08-10-2008, 07:23 PM
So he's stupid because he made a mistake in the heat of battle... ? Ok that makes sense...

As for the RA thing, meh, I didn't think particularly much of that myself either, but I did find it understandable that he would be curious as to what it was like compared to the bunch that he taught.

Overall, it's been pretty slow so far, but like Sree said so far has been nothing but setting characters and events up for the rest of the story, we really only hit the main story this past chapter. I'm betting that the best of this story is still to come.

LuxDragon
08-11-2008, 12:06 AM
If you read the last installment, Unholy Land, he did manage to save Sirius from the from the same veil while they were being chased by the entire hit squad of Voldemorts. In the heat of battle. With just 2 of them.

This is the 3rd time Harry has seen Sirius fight near the veil, so yeah, he's an idiot. Especially since he wasn't in danger at the time anyway.

Narf
08-11-2008, 12:44 AM
^ What he said.

And anyways, he's the Dark Knight. He shouldn't make juvenile mistakes in the heat of battle.

della_couer
08-11-2008, 02:02 AM
I have to say I thought Sirius falling through the veil was lame as well. I understand the reasoning behind it, it will definitely be a defining part of Katie's character and put a big stinking wall between her relationship with Harry. (Can't have those to getting along swimmingly can we? Would destroy the tension developing.) So I can see why it happened, but in the same sense it annoyed me as a reader to see the obviously powerful Harry of Unholy Land suddenly vanish consumed with canon Harry's indecision and ineptitude.

Hmm, had forgotten how much that annoyed me.

And did anyone else think that the post discussion battle dragged worse than Moody's wooden leg? Forced myself to read and not skim.

Narf
08-11-2008, 02:06 AM
Lol. It's been a while since I've read it, della, half a year. XD

della_couer
08-11-2008, 02:10 AM
you know it's been as long for me, and I still find myself annoyed by little bits like that.

BsuperB
08-11-2008, 04:00 AM
The teaser is good, confusing, but i'm sure it'll be explained.

Enjoyed Unholy thoroughly as it's the best take on DE/Apprentice Harry i've read, but with a different twist. I'm not a fanboy, but Jono is 'not' a prick.

If anyone could be bothered to go on his Yahoo Group, he's explained that..

1) He passed his Uni exams back in June, ended up drunk & woke up in Blackpool.
2) His Beta's have lives and want to enjoy summer too.
3) He's been up & down the country, suffering for lagre periods of time without the internet.
4) I'd like to see a few people knock out chapters the size he does every month that near-perfect. Good luck, I still figure you'll cave.

I guess he does have too many Beta's, but eh, it works for him, so leave him be.

Taure
08-11-2008, 04:06 AM
I have located the passage from Unholy Land which is the cause of all my woes.

Harry stared at himself in the mirror. The Boy-Who-Lived, the innocent defender of the light, was gone. The Dark Knight, the cold-blooded killer, had returned. Harry stared into the eyes of his reflection. They seemed much older than the rest of him, heavier, sadder. They showed the tiredness he felt, the severity of the situation. He wore the same clothes he had arrived in this world in. His black boots shone on his feet. His black combat trousers were darker than any night. Strapped over the top were the holsters. On his right leg was his primary wand and combat knife, and behind his back was his second wand. Hanging from the left side of his hip was his personal Stun-Baton. He had modified it further than it had been when he arrived, lengthening it to rival his sword. It kept enemies at a greater distance and felt more comfortable in his hands. Over his chest was his dragon-scale armour. All scratches and dents had been masterfully repaired and it seemed like new. Beneath the armour was his black jumper, which extended up his neck to his chin, and down his arms to his wrists, where a pair of black leather gloves took over. Over his shoulders hung a hooded black travelling cloak, held together by a silver clip. Over the top of the cloak was his Katana, which hung diagonally across his back. There was also one addition to his arsenal at this time. On his left thigh was a small black pistol, a present from the captain. Harry had not wanted it, and had rejected it, but as the captain had pointed out, he could not guarantee that he could get close enough to Voldemort, once the magic went down. If all else failed, he had no choice but to use a gun. It was there for emergencies and only emergencies.

The Dark Knight had returned. Snape had said that the cold-blooded killer was needed, not the Boy-Who-Lived. He had said that Harry had to become the monster again, to have any hope in succeeding.

"You're wrong, Snape," said Harry to his reflection. "This time you're wrong."

Harry had full control over his past abilities. His mind was set. He would kill a man today, but he would not become the darkness he so feared. We are who we choose to be, and he had made his choice. He was not his other self; the Dark Knight was dead. He was all that remained. Harry swished his wand and his entire clothing glowed for an instant before turning as white as snow. The only exception was his hooded cloak, which remained black as the night. He would not be noticed while wearing it, where as white stood out a mile. He was ready. Time to go to war, and possibly to death. All thoughts of returning home to his world were gone. Only two things mattered: save his family and kill Voldemort.

The time had come.

This shows us several things:

1. The Dark Knight was magically skilled as well as a good fighter: he was able to create the stun baton, an enchanted item which impressed many in the story. Harry has not only matched this, but also surpassed it, as he was able to modify the baton to improve it. So Harry is magically skilled as well as physically so. So Harry should be able to do the Hogwarts curriculum with ease.

2. Harry has absorbed all of the Dark Knight's skills, to their full extent. Moreover, and most importantly, he is able to use them without succumbing to the Dark Knight's temperament. He has full control and mastery of them. This means that the two excuses Jono has used for Harry's incompetence do not wash: firstly, that Harry is less competent than the Dark Knight was, and secondly that Harry fears to access those abilities for fear of "going dark".

There is no reason for Harry to be as "canon" as he is.

Basically, in Promised Land Jono reset Harry's characterisation and abilities back to his pre-Unholy Land state, presumably to make conflict easier to write. It wouldn't do to have Harry go all out and beat Grindelwald on his first attempt. No, we have to have an unrealistic build-up of tension leading to a predictable climax, so Harry must be downgraded so that he can slowly become strong again.

It's not a sequel, it's a rewrite of Unholy Land, set in a different AU.

I realise I've said this loads now, but it just annoys me so much when a great story produces such a lame sequel.

LuxDragon
08-11-2008, 04:17 AM
QFT man. I think Jono is just trying to add crapload of teenage angst into this. Even Katie's character a played a bit thick. Neville was cool though.

dontdeleteme
08-11-2008, 06:08 AM
To be fair though, the story is set in the OOTP timeline/universe where canon Harry was pretty angsty(Canon!Harry = AU!Katie).

nonjon
08-11-2008, 10:47 AM
I agree with most of the general sentiment here. Basically, at the end of the first story we had a hero with enough skills, power, and intelligence to defeat a pretty damn impressive Voldemort. You'd think you'd have something similar at the start of the sequel, but instead we're treated to a hero with enough skills, power, and intelligence to act like a bumbling fool, struggling with unimportant, pointless, whiny teenage angst-filled issues.

The problem being we've already established this version of Harry is capable of opening up a can of whoop ass and taking down a Dark Lord. Now we know the real Dark Knight has probably been in Harry's body, or in Harry's own world, tearing the place to pieces. Maybe working with Voldemort again, maybe not. But instead we have to deal with teenage angst bullshit? Are we supposed to give two shits about Rita Skeeter writing that Harry and Katie are a couple? We know, without a doubt, that this Harry has to leave this world and go back to his own. He's learned to fight, kick-ass, and kill when he has to.

So what? We have an epic length sequel where he has to learn to care? To love and rise above the darkness? I just think this storyline and plotline would work so much better cutting out this middle story and just having the two. One in the changed world, where Harry grows up. And one in the real/canon world where he returns and faces an even greater challenge.

Okay. This has been said a million times and I just said it again. Sorry about that and cheers if you read it all again.

Ignoring the usual stuff, I would like to reiterate that after re-reading the ending of Unholy Land, and the last full chapter posted, Jono really does a nice job writing and describing a pretty clear and brutal battle. The action sequences get my blood racing, the attacks, even the excessive use of muggle weapons like swords and daggers sound good.

And even that long explanation with Harry and Headmaster Riddle telling Katie the truth, etc... It was written pretty well I thought. While I may dislike this unnecessary drama!Harry, the scenes still go together well. And there are so few fics of this length and breadth still in progress, that I've stopped trying to place my personal preferences on how things should be handled.

It's made reading the fic far more enjoyable and palatable.

If you're not following what I mean, think of it this way: If I see a WIP fic with five chapters posted, I will constructively examine it in a different way than if I just read the first five chapters of a finished fic.

That is to say you care more, and think about how you'd do it differently when your criticisms, reviews, or comments can actually affect future updates. But when the decisions have been made, the outline, plan, and levels of pussy-emo!Harry are set in stone, you just read it and enjoy it for what it is.

And there are few fanfics I'm enjoying as much as this one. I'd still give this 4/5 right now, and I'd be surprised if it's not back up to 5/5 by the end of this fic.

Boo
08-11-2008, 09:36 PM
1. The Dark Knight was magically skilled as well as a good fighter: he was able to create the stun baton, an enchanted item which impressed many in the story. Harry has not only matched this, but also surpassed it, as he was able to modify the baton to improve it. So Harry is magically skilled as well as physically so. So Harry should be able to do the Hogwarts curriculum with ease.
He modifed it. While still impressive, not ground breaking.
And all Harry did was enlarge it to be sword length. Not really all that skilled.


2. Harry has absorbed all of the Dark Knight's skills, to their full extent. Moreover, and most importantly, he is able to use them without succumbing to the Dark Knight's temperament. He has full control and mastery of them. This means that the two excuses Jono has used for Harry's incompetence do not wash: firstly, that Harry is less competent than the Dark Knight was, and secondly that Harry fears to access those abilities for fear of "going dark".
You dont really know that. All Harry said was that he wasnt going to become the other Harry, or let the evil Harry take over like with the Vamps.

Different situations really. Unholy land he had nothing to lose. His parents and sister were gone and it was an all or nothing battle. He wasnt going home until it was over.

He had full control over the abilities that he was able to remember. The lessons got cut short before he could complete the whole past memory training.

Basically, in Promised Land Jono reset Harry's characterisation and abilities back to his pre-Unholy Land state, presumably to make conflict easier to write. It wouldn't do to have Harry go all out and beat Grindelwald on his first attempt. No, we have to have an unrealistic build-up of tension leading to a predictable climax, so Harry must be downgraded so that he can slowly become strong again.


Remember that Harry was suffering from 'Phoenix Fever' for awhile.
I think it started around Borgins(maybe just after) till after the RA was busted. That was most of the battles he did.

And Grindelwald was much more skilled and educated than Voldemort. So beating Voldie doesnt make him equal to Grindel. Two different styles(Voldie-Grindel). And Grindel doesnt mind using Muggle methods(swords).

LuxDragon
08-11-2008, 10:28 PM
How do you assume that Voldemort is more skilled or educated? The books said the Voldemort was the worst Dark Lord in a century. If Harry can beat Voldemort, Grinde shouldn't be too much of a stretch.

Narf
08-11-2008, 11:05 PM
The worst Dark Lord... or the best? What? o_O

Boo
08-11-2008, 11:24 PM
How do you assume that Voldemort is more skilled or educated? The books said the Voldemort was the worst Dark Lord in a century. If Harry can beat Voldemort, Grinde shouldn't be too much of a stretch.

I said that Grindel was.
And the Books are from a different world.
EDIT-- Plus those books were made after something like 11years of terror in Britain.
Grindel had all of Europe in his hand. He did what took Voldie over a decade to do and on a larger scale.
And Grindelwald was much more skilled and educated than Voldemort.

Grindel didnt die till Katie so thats like 50 or 60 years of training.
Voldie is about 50 yrs old. So thats 39 yrs of training.

fuubar
08-12-2008, 12:09 AM
Actually I'm fairly certain at the end of Unholy Land that it said that he had all of the Dark Knight's skills.

della_couer
08-12-2008, 02:55 AM
Grrr, all this talk makes me want an update.

Had a thought about Harry being weaker in this story, it's a poor explanation but considered it and thought I'd toss it out into the void. Self-fulfilling prophecies. It's a corruption of the original idea but I think it evokes the same feeling. Harry lands in a world, talented and powerful the Dark knight we've grown to love. He sees that the Harry of this world is a Neville replacement, perhaps even worse. In trying to live up to these low expectations he dooms himself to actually lowering his standards for himself and his abilities. No one expects him to be great and so he isn't.

As I said, crap explanation, but a possible one. Mind it makes me a little less fond of Harry's character as such would mean that he so easily impacted by public perception. Still, it is a reasonable human response.

Then it could be merely an attempt to try and prop up a flaw in the writing, also likely. Still, as I started in saying, I find myself now wanting to read it again.

Narf
08-12-2008, 03:06 AM
Update probably isn't going to be for at least another month or two, that's the way it is with Jono. :\

I wish he would just upload his unbetaed version. I would gladly read it, instead of waiting 2 months for the beta to read it/beta it and give it back to Jono. >_>

kmfrank
08-12-2008, 08:05 AM
From what I've heard, Jono has a pretty expansive beta process, so much so that the finished product is far different from the unbeta'ed version. For the sake of continuity and such, giving us an unbeta'ed chapter would be confusing, because everyone would be like, "Didn't such and such already happen?"

"Oh, that was from an unbeta'ed chapter."

Magus
08-12-2008, 09:06 PM
2 months to beta??? Fuck War and Peace, sounds like he wants to challenge Ayn Rand.

Jaba
08-13-2008, 09:41 PM
From what I've heard, Jono has a pretty expansive beta process, so much so that the finished product is far different from the unbeta'ed version. For the sake of continuity and such, giving us an unbeta'ed chapter would be confusing, because everyone would be like, "Didn't such and such already happen?"

Good point. An unbeta'ed version would probably by nasty as shit considering it goes through four-month beta'ing.

Narf
08-13-2008, 10:24 PM
He's already sent it to the beta once, and he usually does it twice. The first time through is grammar, spelling, but mostly plot and rearranging paragraphs and shit, making it flow better. The beta also adds in things, more detail and such.

The second time through seems to be just for grammar and spelling errors they might've missed the first time around. So after more than half a year of waiting, I wouldn't mind reading it even if there are a few mistakes here and there.

Boo
08-13-2008, 11:16 PM
He could always release what he has now and just release the completed beta'ed version when its done.

fuubar
08-13-2008, 11:17 PM
If you will look on his group he asked if that is what people wanted him to do. Apparently his beta is on vacation right now.

Jaba
08-13-2008, 11:56 PM
He should just post the chap. the way it is now, and stop putting his moronic followers into pissy moods.(Directed at those freaks in his yahoo group.)

IBG
08-14-2008, 02:56 AM
I agree with the general sentiment of this thread. Grindelwald has had 50 years extra in this world. Dumbledore defeated him in 1945 in canon, and its 1995 in PL. Also, he had already taken over most of continental Europe, if it took Voldemort 3 years to take Britain, Grindelwald, with most of the continent at his back, and around 70 - 80 years more experience, should of been able to take it easily. Also, Grindelwald should be much more powerful that any figure so far seen. Even Dumbledore did not search out battle magic or fights as he has for the last half century.

LuxDragon
08-14-2008, 06:49 AM
I'm not sure how much stronger or smarter Grinde is. Jono's copping out by have him make the same mistakes as Voldemort. You'd think that this guy with half an extra century behind him would do something new. But no, it's lure Katie to the prophecy, then send the same deatheaters, then screw up killing Katie because of Harry.

Either Voldemort was so damn progressive that a decade of terror he is worse than Grindelwald could do in 50 yrs. or Grindelwald is a freakin' retard. You'd think that with different dark lords, there'd be some variation or some kind of difference.

Boo
08-14-2008, 10:57 AM
The thing is, the plan was good. Its just he didnt expect his best Deatheaters to get their ass handed to them by schoolkids.

LuxDragon
08-14-2008, 12:03 PM
I'm sure Voldemort thought the same exact thing.

Samuel Black
08-15-2008, 03:22 AM
This series bothers me. On the one hand, I loved the first story. It was great. I found myself eagerly checking for updates every week or so. On the other, the second one sucks. It has it's moments of brilliance, like the DoM fight. But, on the whole level, I can't but feel that it's going to suck major donkey balls.

I'm also spotting errors in the chapters. Grammar, wrong word usage, things like that. Not very many, not enough to bitch about, but if you're going to take upwards of four months or whatever the count is at now, it better be damn near spotless.

dyslexicfaser
08-17-2008, 07:46 PM
I'm not loving Promised Land as much as I'd hoped I would.

Katie's a bit of a whiner, and the way parts of the story are written just isn't believable, even for HP fanfiction. I mean... for one, Sirius Black is somehow Katie's godfather, when they'd never met - or had any reason to meet - in the canon-verse? It comes off as totally arbitrary and pointless.

That aside - Samuel Black, can I ask what story/author that quote is from? Sounds interesting.

Andro
08-17-2008, 08:10 PM
if you mean the quote in his sig: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=9960

Jaba
08-17-2008, 08:19 PM
Katie's a bit of a whiner, and the way parts of the story are written just isn't believable, even for HP fanfiction. I mean... for one, Sirius Black is somehow Katie's godfather, when they'd never met - or had any reason to meet - in the canon-verse? It comes off as totally arbitrary and pointless.

Not saying that your completely wrong in your assessment, but let's see you do half of what Jono has done with this fic.

Innomine
08-17-2008, 10:15 PM
Not saying that your completely wrong in your assessment, but let's see you do half of what Jono has done with this fic.

Thats hardly of any relevance really.

Sure, jono has put a LOT of work into his fics, but right now promised land is still in its initial stages, which means, that its gonna feel kinda meh.

I have no doubt the story will start falling into place with the next chapters.