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Abandoned Harry Potter and the Solstice of Fate by Le Rob - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Rob, Aug 21, 2006.

  1. Rob

    Rob Looked into the void

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    Title: Harry Potter and the Solstice of Fate
    Author: Le Rob
    Rating: Mature for violence, language, sexual content.
    Genre: General
    Pairing:
    • Initial: Canon compliant: H/G, R/Hr.
    • Througout: H/G (until chapter seven; bear with it), H/Hr, potentially H/C, H/L. RW/L, RW/C. HG/R, potentially HG/N. Nothing's too concrete yet.
    Status: Work in Progress.
    Summary: -Post HBP- Harry and the gang begin the hunt, tromping through familiar places and chasing familiar faces as Mars rises climactically to its perihelion. Relationships challenged and changed, mental dilemmas sorted, political backdealings and diplomatic mayhem; A treasure hunt against a sadistic immortal wizard, a dead mentor, more than kin and less than kind, and worst of all: no clue whatsoever how to go about dealing with it. Follows canon up to the end of HBP and extends into Harry's seventh and final year. Quidditch, Hogwarts, girls, academics, careers, and a death wish - these are the bane and the spice of the life of Harry Potter. Vocabulary required. H/G as canon warrants; pairing will end fairly early in on the work (chapter 7, approximately 50k words out of an estimated 300k).

    Link:[/self-plug]


    Rewrite:

    Title: The Solstice of Fate
    Author: Le Rob
    Genre: Adventure/Mystery
    Pairing: Author profile says it's Harry/Daphne
    Rating: T
    Summary: ..."Harry Potter," hissed the voice so close to his ear. "Did you really think that you had enough skill to track down my Horcruxes by yourself?" The snake-faced man regarded him coolly. "Fool! You found them only because I wanted you to find them!"

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4167340/1/The_Solstice_of_Fate


    Checked by Minion, August 18, 2013
    Nowadays the story can only be found on Schnoogle.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 18, 2013
  2. Palver

    Palver High Inquisitor

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    H/G? H/Hr? Quidditch? (WTF! He must save the world!) Career? Girls? Hogwarts? Not very promising summary for post-HBP fic.
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2006
  3. Myst

    Myst Headmaster

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    Honestly it's quite a good story. Although slow with your updates, you make up with quality.

    That and it's nice that H/G will end soon, as planned.

    Incase you missed that Palver ;)
     
  4. Rob

    Rob Looked into the void

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    Slow as hell, baby. Chapter seven is about 6k words done right now. I'll be writing a lot more during the car trip this weekend. Estimated 15k word chapter (too long >.<).
     
  5. Palver

    Palver High Inquisitor

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    Myst, but then Harry/Herman will be :-/ (or I missed this entirely and pairing ends for Harry AT ALL?)
    I like this Morera character though.
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2006
  6. Myst

    Myst Headmaster

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    What it looks like is Harry actually does something teenagerish for once in a fic and dates around.
     
  7. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    'RW/C'

    Be warned...I will probably kill you if you pair Cho with the fucking Weasel.
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2006
  8. Vir

    Vir Centauri Ambassador ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Here is what I have come up with so far.

    Chapter 1:
    - Mostly a pointless rehash of the entire book six to this point.
    - Why bother even talking to Vernon? its obvious that Harry knows what the response is going to be even before he opened his mouth.

    Chapter 2:
    - Containes Ginny and too much of the EMO crap
    - Storyline doesn't really progress, there is a lot of filler and flashbacks
    - You made the mistake of running words together. (Personal pet peeve)
    - There is no show of actual planning for anything
    - Harry, once again, shows no effect of the prophesy or anything other then "Boo-hoo i'm going to lose and Ginny!1!1!" Seriously now, he knows that he has to kill Voldemort and what does he do? nothing. A new spell comes up that Hermoine knows but Harry doesn't and he thinks "I should know that spell" and what doesn't he do? ask Hermione to teach it to him. He has a very "I'll do it later" mentality.

    Chapter 3:
    - Continued rehash of the book plot line
    - The Aurors are obtuse idioc...etc...? Right... then how do they catch dark wizards? I suppose it a lack in intelligence might be the side effect of wielding magic...seems to be the case.
    - Harry picks up the portkey spell in one try. This indicates that he can pick up spells rather quickly. So, why didn't he just get Hermoine to teach him the spells that he found interesting?
    - Found that the absolute trust in Dumbledor is a bit disturbing. I don't have the kind of trust with anyone. And I'd be very very hard pressed to find anyone who did.
    - Once again, occulmency is mentioned but not expounded upon. How is he supposed to learn it?


    I'll add my comments on the other chapters when I can foce myself to read them.

    - Virail
     
  9. Duke of Rothwood

    Duke of Rothwood Professor

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    Well I thought it was an alright story, however I do have a problem with Dumbledore's will.

    WTF was he thinking leaving everything to the 'golden trio'? While Hermoine in the smartest in her year, she is far from exceptional over-all (James and Sirius were casting wordless magic in their 5th year, Hermoine had not even heard of it yet, Snape was inventing potions etc). She would be unable to comprehend 1% of what Dumbledore would have. Why would he not leave it to future headmasters of Hogwarts, donate to Hogwarts/the Ministry, give it to his brother or give it to poor disadvantaged children, Hermoine should be near the back of his list to give things too, as far as we know her and Ron never connected well with Albus, indeed all that were know that Albus could consider friends would be McGonagall, Moody, possibly Flitwick and if you stretch it, Harry, not Hermoine. He should have left the books to Harry before Hermoine.

    As for the money he gave to Ron, again WTF, it would be better used as a trust fund for poor kids, donated to St. Mungo's or buying a billion lemon drops to give to kids. Again, we have no evidence that Ron even connected with Dumbledore and this just seems like a cheesy way of making everything equal and preventing bad blood in the trio.
     
  10. Stalicon

    Stalicon High Inquisitor

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    I tried reading it and couldn't make it quite from chapter 1, Its not bad just.... well it seems to wave in and out of my personal tastes in a story.

    Everything seems to be to cheery, his mentor, who may not have been on good terms at the time, has just died.

    Also, though Hermoine may disaprove I don't think she could forgive child abuse. But then again Harry never really tells them about his home life other than, I don't like it here. Which is how most teenagers may act.

    I can't really say more until I get the rest read. Overall unless it gets better from here its not for me.

    2.5/5 - I won't officaly vote for the thread till I've read at least four or five chapters.
     
  11. Duke of Rothwood

    Duke of Rothwood Professor

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    Oh, I found another thing that bugs me, well instead of me saying it, here is the quote:

    “Excuse me,” he said politely to the goblin, “but do you know where I might be able to find Griphook?” he asked. “He helped me on my very first visit here,” he added to the creature that looked unequivocally frosty. “I’d like to see him if that’s possible.”

    *Gags*


    EDIT: Ok I read the rest of the chapter and it turns out that Griphook has been killed by the other goblins and there is none of the cliche of Harry remembering a goblins name and being named 'goblin friend' or some other crap, but still, with Harry even asking for Griphook...



    Finally one more thing, you make it that since Harry learns occulmency, he instantly learns leglimancy (being able to detect lies from anyone he meets), they are not the same thing, to be able to do that he would have to study that branch, so far, he has not (at least that we know).

    Also, Scrimgeour is protrayed as an idiot, he may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he is not dumb enough to walk into a wedding and interupt it simply to try and recruit Harry. As shown in canon, he waits until Harry is alone, barging into a wedding and interupting the groom is simply terrible class and I think that the minister would know that.
    I understand that you are trying to portray him as being another Fudge, but even Fudge is not that dumb. Fudge did not arrest Hagrid in the middle of the great hall, he did it alone in Hagrid's hut, what happens here is making Scrimgeour look dumber than Fudge, something I find unrealistic


    I will wait for another chapter to vote in the thread, but currently this receives a 2.5/5
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2006
  12. Rob

    Rob Looked into the void

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    As best of a compilation of responses I can give without totally blowing the next chapter:

    1.
    They'll definately hit it off. I don't see them working other than a one-night thingamabobber, though.


    a) Rehash? Entirely. Although that's probably the loudest complaint I hear (I recap too much) the goal was to make it potentially stand-alone. It's not really my favorite thing to do, nor do I like particularly doing it with flashbacks (cop out, in my opinion) - but it was the cheap and dirty way to get it done, and it was one of my goals to attempt to make the book a stand-alone.

    b) Why bother talking to Vernon? Well, you're right - it would be smart for Harry not to bother. Emphasis on Harry being smart - which, at this point in the story is a trait he's severely lacking. Canon Harry as of HBP was confident of himself, suave, and immensely naive; there's a bit of duality going on right now that will become more and more defined (and correct itself as the story goes along) in that Harry sees things in a very different way than they actually are. He tends to see his life through rose-colored glasses, and this causes him to do things that are very dramatic in thought but lacklustre in execution. This will all come to a head for the first time in chapter seven.

    a) Contains Ginny - I know that she's not well-liked in this forum, but I AM shooting for canon-compliancy. That means that Harry and Ginny do NOT automatically break up, nor does Harry view her as a slut or anything less than a very good friend. I'm not going to kill off Ginny 'just cuz', as, in my opinion, that's as cliched as it gets in post-HBP fics. She's not going out with Harry, and she'll actually have some character flaws in this story. My job is not to punish her for being a Ginny-Sue, it's to un-Ginny-Sueify her. That'll earn me a lot of detractors on here. Rate me down if you must.

    b) Emo crap? See rose-colored glasses remark. Harry is a fucking drama queen, and will be until someone mops the floor with his ass, which might actually happen some time in the future. He's going to get semi-wiped in the next chapter, but not sufficiently enough.

    c) Correct. It's filler and crap. It's my second least-favorite chapter, because jack all happens.

    d) Running words together? How do you mean?

    a) There is no planning for Harry, nor will there be at this point in the fic. He's an idiot - 'I'll save the world! - Wait, Hermione, how do I save the world?'. He doesn't think things out. He has a flair for the dramatic. All these are leading towards a major conflict, because even though Voldemort in this story will be treated as a rather-inept dark lord (albeit a very dangerous one), you can rest assured that he's not sitting on his ass.

    b) Rose-colored glasses. All thought, no execution.


    a) I don't think this one was nearly the rehash that it was previously. With the exception of the odd parenthetical, chapter three is the end of the major plot-detail of HBP. Finally.

    b) The aurors are obtuse idiots. Well, at least to the person who is thinking it. Harry has only met five or six aurors; of those two, he identifies Dawlish as bumbling like Fudge (he describes him as a cartoon character, I think); he groups Scrimgeour as inept at his job, incapable of doing the right thing (although Harry has yet to realise that he's not doing much better of a job), and he associates Tonks and Kingsley as Dumbledorians, and therefore much more competent. A Dawlish/Harry bout is in the works, so don't expect that to last.

    a) About the portkey charm, and learning spells in one try - Harry does not learn many spells in one try. I can't say anything further on this, but I can smirk and cackle maniacally.

    Let's get one thing straight, though - you have a really good point about him not asking Hermione. Why doesn't he ask her stuff? Well, my answer, and you're going to see this in chapters eight through ten is that she's an insufferable know-it-all, and as just a personality trait, Harry will aim to preserve his pride rather than expand his knowledge. He's actually turned quite nicely into James, just minus the skill to back it up.

    b) You're correct. Harry is entirely too trusting of Dumbledore.

    c) Occlumency is expounded briefly at the end of chapter four and Harry studies in chapter five.

    a) Expounded at length in chapter seven. He has his reasons, quite a few of which are very 'Dumbledorian'. He does mention that his brother only wanted his Order of Merlin, though. Dumbledore has not left the Order in the lurch, however, despite what it appears.

    a) The goblin rebellion is very important as a side-plot to the story-line. It will be the focal point of the start of the sequel.

    a) Harry gets pwned by a legilimens in the next chapter. He's naturally good at occlumency - this is a Harry-centric fic, after all, and I do make him out to be a dumbass elsewhere, so he does have to have some talent somewhere. In my HP!verse, Legilmency and Occlumency are the stepping stones to power. Harry is a natural at both, and although he's much stronger at occlumency (as he's practiced), he can use basic Legilimency. I'm not done explaining Legilimency and Occlumency either - that is one magical concept that you can look forward to seeing elaborated.

    b) No, I suppose you're right. Scrimgeour isn't dumb enough to walk into a wedding just to force Harry to support him. That's all I'll say ;).
     
  13. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    o_O

    ...Does not register to me. Ron doesn't get hot girls...he's the idiot sidekick. It defies the natural order of the universe. He's supposed to sit around and be miserable while all the girls flock to his rich, powerful and famous friend. Or at least that's how I see things. :)
     
  14. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

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    Yes if Ron gets with Cho I might throw up. Ron doesnt get hot girls. He gets the rat faced ones who turn out to be guys. Ron is stupid and thinks hes smart and good at Quidditch when he completely sucks at it.
     
  15. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran No. 4 Admin

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    I didnt know this wasnt posted. I would have posted it myself ages ago if I'd known.

    Good story, well written, blah, blah, blah. I've already told you all this before. Don't like the Harry/Ginny, not so much the pairing in this but the way she acts. Haughty bitch needs a good stomping.

    Blah, blah, blah. Nothing more that I can add that I havnt told you already. So, yeah, good work despite the minor things I dislike.
     
  16. OdinMage

    OdinMage Fourth Year

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    I've always hated ron..... I've always hated cho.... (aside from Dakaath.... come on, holding su li down while harry goes at her.... that's just..... damn.... LT2000 is brilliant) SO.... let them get together and then let them die.... just as long as ginny dies in a more slow and painful and creative way.....

    I can read and enjoy a Harry/Ginny story.... that said, it is very much not a pairing I would prefer... so I'm glad you are ending it... I should maybe also point out that, despite loving this forum, H/HR IS one of my favourite pairings.... as long as Hr gets her head ripped out of her ass rule/know-it-all wise....

    I'll give this a read and see how I like it.
     
  17. LegalAlien

    LegalAlien Denarii Host

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    This is a really enjoyable story - very readable despite the H/G parts.

    Your chapters are terribly out of sync on the fanfiction websites tough:
    ff.net: up to chapter 6
    your site, hpff.com: only the first 2 chapters are up
    fictionalley: <server down atm> :/
     
  18. DemonDream

    DemonDream Professor

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    I like the direction this story is going in. I can tell that everything is not as it seems, and I like the fact that you have put so much thought into the personalities and actions of the characters. I can even stand what H/G is present, because it is not an important part of the story, and you write it well. Definitely a story with great potential, keep it up.
     
  19. Quill Runner

    Quill Runner First Year

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    Decent story. Good sentence rhythm; has a nice, languid feel.

    It tends to drag, though that's at least in part because the story's written for readers who haven't run across a million other 'trio at the Dursleys' scenes, or wedding scenes, etc. The story seems intent on following the trajectory set out by HBP, with a few departure points, though not as many as I would like.

    There's also the typical attempt to drag Harry up to a skill level that won't leave him getting splattered across the asphalt by the nearest Death Eater. God, how I wish there was a really convenient plot device to do this that doesn't require rewriting the last three books, or, in this case, turning Harry into a quasi-Hermione.

    The bit about Crabbe and Goyle doing recon was a weak attempt at suspense. And with Harry's super-duper portkey power, he's pretty much guaranteed a convenient escape route unless he's jumped from behind. I would have much rather seen him dismember them. That would have at least satiated my sadistic desire for gruesome violence.

    I also wish writers would stop writing about the Goddamned bushiness of Hermione's hair. I'm sure writers can find another attribute to flog to death. Usually it's just mentioned repeatedly as a descriptor, but in this story, it actually rears it's ugly head in one of the conversations.
     
  20. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    Sorry but i couldn't make it past chapter one. The idea of Dumbledore leaving that stuff to Ron and Hermione turned my stomach. It has been said Dumbledore is mostly self taught were as Hermione is book smart. He should realise more than anyone that she doesn't have what it takes to be uber smart. Leaving money to Ron piss's me off, he will get a job soon and make enough money for a comfortable life so long as he doesn't have 7 kids of his own.
     
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