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Unregistered
09-20-2006, 01:21 PM
Title: Echoes of Power, Part I: Anger
Author: moshpit
Rating: R
Genre: The Alternate's or Independent Harry
Pairing: Harry/Ginny eventually
Warnings: Death, Sexual Situations, Violence

Additional Warning: The story is hosted at the Harry/Ginny site ‘Sink into your Eyes’ :-)

Status: Work in Progress, at the moment 16 chapters with 131744 words

Summary: Harry mysteriously disappeared at the age of 6, and then benefited from years of tutoring from an old family friend. With the return of Voldemort, it is finally time for a 15 year old, well-trained and somewhat cynical and sarcastic Harry to take up his place at Hogwarts. Life at Hogwarts, however, is not always what Harry anticipated. There, secrets are revealed, allies are discovered, and the journey to power begins.

Link: http://www.siye.co.uk/siye/viewstory.php?sid=11658
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3322666/1/

The story starts with Harry boarding the Hogwarts Express where he meets the usual Gryffindorks. To fulfil his destiny he was trained as a war mage and now he starts Hogwarts to learn as much about Voldemort as possible. He has to deal and deals with Slytherins, Snape and Umbridge and of course Dumbles.

Harry is independent, perhaps slightly dark but without superpowers. He is trained in martial arts and fights with his wand and a katana. Altogether he appears like a jedi-padawan but the story is way better than all HP-Starwars crossovers I’ve read so far.

Dumbles seems to be a senile, manipulative old coot so not all that au. Snape is probably bad, Draco is surely evil, the other Slytherins are evil at first and later .... and the rest of the school is whining in fear of the snakes.

I like the author’s style but I’m a German so I might not be able to judge one’s writing. There is not much romance yet and I hope it doesn’t become even half as corny as the usual stuff at that site. It wouldn’t fit with her characterisation of Harry and would totally destroy the story. But be warned again: the story is hosted at a Harry/Ginny site so eventually it might chance.

Cthulu
09-20-2006, 01:51 PM
I have yet to read it but I must say it seems bad...

And whats up with everyone giving Harry a KATANA!?
Can't someone go and give him an English Broadsword or an Axe once in a while?
The only stories he EVER have anything else than a katana is if he have 1-2 daggers or 40 other weapons, like bows, crossbows, various swords, axes and all of them have atleast 20 magical attributes... With the (or the dual) katana(s) being the best of them, ofcourse....

I love Japanese culture, history and so on, BUT I'm getting sick and tired of all the Katana's in all frickin stories!
God, the last story (with swords) I can remember that DIDN'T have an katana was Sword of the Hero!
And it's YEARS since i read that!

Anyway, sorry for the rant... I'm sure the story is good but I won't read it becouse I hate stories when he starts Hogwarts being older than 11.

Kai Shek
09-20-2006, 02:00 PM
I have only read the first couple of chapters, and it does seem different. I am almost sure that the author tries to stay away from various cliches. Harry seems smarter for his age, which is a little exciting.

So far, I am suggesting a read. And as I don't hate Ginny has much as a majority of you, I can deal with her being in it.

Mordecai
09-20-2006, 02:02 PM
Whats the betting that the OP is actually a member here, who didn't want folk to know that he/she surfs SIYE?

Im just about to read it, will edit to give an opinion.

EDIT: Ok, gave up part way through chap one. The author makes an attempt to write decently, but its only an attempt. THe H/G is glaringly obvious from chapter 1, and quite frankly, what put me off was Ginny getting Harry persuaded to teach them all his cool japanese martial arts, right after the old cliche of "the half blood handing the pure blood his arse without using magic". Not a very good fic.

1/5

Kai Shek
09-20-2006, 02:39 PM
Yes, the first chapter wasn't very impressive, for I have seen at least a dozen stories start the same way. It gets better later on, but that may just be me and my fanfiction deprived mind, as I hadn't read anything in a week or so.

doc_gerbil
09-20-2006, 04:23 PM
I like it. Harry is violent and while the beggining was cliche i really like the way he is dealing with dumbles. hes not a hellacious prick and he did get rid of snape and the malfoy trio. he intelligent. this could get interesting unless the ginslut harry stuff gets out of hand. i really hope it doesnt.

Edit: ugh. further reading has revealed to me that the prank war cliche has gone into effect. this has ruined the story for me as i belive harry has no time to be prank warring right now. ugh.

Stalicon
09-20-2006, 09:12 PM
Anybody else notice that this seems to be posted by a guest? or is this invisable mode? If not I think a mod might want to check it out.

Dark Syaoran
09-20-2006, 11:16 PM
Yes, we already know this. Since the section is 'new', Raven forgot to set an the 'fuck off guest' option.

Note: It's not really called that.

But yeah, it's been fixed.

Masked Critic
09-21-2006, 12:30 AM
Let me be the first to say...

TRASHBINN'D!

Please.

ghst.san
09-22-2006, 02:13 AM
Really liked the way he behaved and handled the situation in the first chapter but after that it just gets ridiculous. Stupid sorting, prank war,...

The Author has done a good job at making his story incredulous.

Vir
09-22-2006, 08:41 AM
I didn't find it that bad. I do agree that the prank war is horrible but the rest of it really isn't that bad. I did enjoy it overall. I'd say 3/5.

DemonDream
09-22-2006, 12:35 PM
This story might not be half bad if there weren't thousands of other exactly like it. So due to the mass of old and tired cliches, 2/5.

Spokojnyj
09-22-2006, 08:15 PM
Ah, siye, the place where I started my travels through fanfiction land. And I don't regret coming back to this place after such a long time for this story. For the biggest part quite original, can't really name a cliche that stuck with me.

The Harry/Ginny is very very slow, in fact still nearly unexisting. How you could stumble over it from the first chapter, except because you know it's on siye, I don't see.

4-4.5/5

The Dark Monarch
09-22-2006, 09:43 PM
I hate these stories. Whenever they say harry disappears fo fifteen years being trained by some family friend (Who is probably the most uber powerful person who has knowledge of the prphecy because JAMES AND LILY DIDN'T TRUST ANYONE BUT THEM WITH IT! BUT WAIT THERES MORE!! They probably live in japan or something and everytime harry is embarrassed there is probably a sweat drop over his head!!!(Goes on bloody rampage)) And you know that sice its HG he going to come back and be TOTALLY BLINDSIDED BY LURVE AT FIRST SIGHT!!111one oneELEVEN!!ONEHUNDREDELEVEN!!11! Ginny is probably going to be all nonchalant about the MUCSLEHEAD!HARRY walking around and everyone else is probably going to bow too him or control him or date him BUT NOT GINNY! NO NEVER HER! And since she doesn't do all that he is going to think that shes like totllay unique and understands him. Almost fogot ANYONE WHO PUT KATANAS IN THE HP UNIVERSE SHOULD BE SLAUGHTERED AND CASTRATED WITH A DULL LETTER OPENER.Die HG!

Amerision
09-23-2006, 01:17 AM
Katana?

No read.

Story + Katana = Utter Shit.

NO MATTER WHAT

Vtigo
09-23-2006, 02:08 PM
Why is it every author feels the need to make Harry either hate the canon chars or love them. Why cant he be 100% indi for once and just ignore them etc? Oh well I doubt any one gives a damn what I think so I will just say 1.5/5

The Hungry Basilisk
09-23-2006, 02:30 PM
Any fic that even implies that Whore will be in it, is more than my delicate mind can handle.

doc_gerbil
09-25-2006, 09:04 PM
Katana?

No read.

Story + Katana = Utter Shit.

NO MATTER WHAT

hey now, i have read some halfway decent rurouni kenshin shit, even if that genre is submerged in romance. katanas are always in those. although i guess the point is moot since in rurouni kenshin they are actually japanese... so using a katana is not a big deal. w/e

Amerision
09-25-2006, 09:23 PM
I've yet to see any worth fics that have Harry running around with a sword.

Any such fics imply that the author is a fan of Japanime, and as such, will only incorperate all the other crappy qualities that come with it.

Well, I take that back. People who like Japanime aren't bad authors - it's the ones who think Japan has the coolest shit ever 1+++++ and mix it with Harry Potter that should be deprived of all Anime and forced to read comics by DC and Marvel.

Dragon Watcher
09-28-2006, 10:20 PM
The story doesn't capture my attention unless there really is nothing better to do. It's not that I hate the story, it's more like I just don't feel anything at all for the story so I give it a 3. It's Smack dab between 1 and 5.

3/5

ip82
01-21-2007, 09:10 AM
Title: Echoes of Power, Part I: Anger
Author: moshpitstories
Genre: Action/Adventure/Drama
Rating: M
Pairing: H/Ginny (only friendship so far)
Status: WIP (175,931 words)
DLP-Cat: Alternates
FF.Net Summary: Harry mysteriously disappeared at the age of 6, and then benefited from years of tutoring from an old family friend. With the return of Voldemort, it is finally time for a 15 year old, welltrained and somewhat cynical and sarcastic Harry to take up his p

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3322666/1/

A complete AU that skips Harry's childhood, starting right from the September 1st 1995 (5th year). In short, 6 years old Harry escapes the abusive Dursleys, gets adopted by Remus (more or less) and becomes a war mage, which is basically a field operative of ICW. When his mentor, Nicolas Flammel, get killed and Voldemort reborn, he enrolls at Hogwarts so he could enlist Dumbledore's help in tracking down Horcruxes and extending his training.

So far, this feels like one of those old fashioned continuation-of-canon stories, that try to include everything - drama, action, romance, humor, magical theory and improved Harry's character - into a standard 'school year' format. And so far, this story manages it splendidly.

Action scenes are combination of martial arts and creative usage of more or less canon spells. This is usually not a good combination, but it works rather well in this case, largely thanks to the fact that the author seems to know what he's talking about when it comes to martial arts. Magical theory aspects are intelligent, detailed and well spread out throughout the story, so they never bored me by bogging down the plot. Dialogues, characterization and writing style are all top notch. While the main plot seems fairly predictable, it is extremely well thought out, with lots of interesting subplots and foreshadowings.

Now, the reason this story went below the radar until now is that it had, until recently, been hosted exclusively at SIYE. That unfortunately means the pairing WILL end up H/Ginny. Even more unfortunate is that one of the new prophecies foreshadows a powerful!Ginny (ugh!) who will have a part in Voldemort's destruction.

Luckily, little of competent!Ginny is visible at this point and probably won't be for a long time. Furthermore, Ginny's character is decently developed and carries its own subplot, while the whole romance aspect is given far less space than it is custom in H/G stories. Personally, I had absolutely no problems with H/G aspects that are present at this stage - which basically amount barely to a friendship.

The other big downside is slow progression of plot. In the 170,000 words that are posted now, the author managed to cover barely 2 weeks. If the story didn't start right of from September 1st, we could have easily labeled it as 'summer fic'.

All in all, this is an extremely well written canon-compliant Independent!Harry AU. Ginny might become a problem later on, but so far, this is more then worthy of DLP library.

4.2/5

Don E. Delivery
02-28-2007, 03:22 PM
Title: Echoes of Power, Part I: Anger
Author: moshpitstories
Rating: M
Genre: Action/Adventure/Drama
DLP Category: The Alternate's/General
Pairing: Future Harry/Ginny, nothing vomit worthy so far
Status: WIP (A new chapter once a month)
Summary: Harry mysteriously disappeared at the age of 6, and then benefited from years of tutoring from an old family friend. With the return of Voldemort, it is finally time for a 15 year old, welltrained and somewhat cynical and sarcastic Harry to take up his place.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3322666/1/

This is a well-written story in which Harry comes to school after hiding until his fifth year. After the first two chapters, this story is blown wide open - many chapters take place over a few days with a lot of action - at one point, Dumbledore is possessed by a horcrux and one of the best fight scenes I've read takes place. Harry is not all-powerful, but he has a good grasp of the law and is crafty as any wizard can be.

He has a shaky relationship with the Gryffindors as well, especially Ron and Hermione, who aren't a major part of the story. Fred, George and Neville are probably his best friends - and there (I'm cringing when I say this) is a slight taste of future romance between Ginny and Harry. Nothing fluffy so far, and it hasn't out-right mentioned it, so for now it shouldn't be vomit worthy.

Just give it a chance - It's a very long story, 180,000+ words in 21 chapters so far, but it's worth the read.

4.5/5

cucio
07-11-2007, 07:04 AM
I could write a full review, but it would read almost exactly as ip82's, so if you don't have it fresh jump back two postings and come back again for some more detail.

Done yet?

OK, the author knows his science stuff and how scientific literature reads, so he takes a shot at making some sense of JKR's royal magic mess. You find excerpts of a WIP book named "Theory of magic" by RJL all throughout the story, a bit like in Dune. I personally find then very enjoyable, but then I am a bit of a science geek.

Also Dune-ish more than StarWar-ish is the upbringing of Harry, which is surrounded by a cohort of mentors in different areas with whom he is required to discuss and analyze every significant event, being it his performance in a fight or the political repercussions of some of his acts.

There are some cliches going on: it has already being pointed out the katana stuff. Harry is an apprentice to a kind of order of super law enforcers (which, despite being uber-trained and having a special legal status in the magical world because they are so deadly but goodies, are mostly wimps, since they are being wiped out.) Harry has to receive/consider receiving shrink therapy, since he has childhood traumas worse than Batman's. Prank wars may have their justification, since they are explained to build up valuable skills in stealth and deceit, but are definitely overused.

Now about cliches, it is very difficult to find out a story without several of them, mainly because if you don't insert them then the story may go too astray of the recognizable HP universe. Moshpit utilizes cliches in a very sensible fashion, with a lot of sound backstory behind them.

It also helps that his grammar is flawless and his writing is rich in vocabulary and registers.

And, a big plus in my book, you get a 10K+ update very consistently.

Ridiculous (http://www.phoenixsong.net/fanfiction/story/4434/), by the same author is a worthy one-shot about Voldemort's genesis and downfall.

BlitzkriegAngel
07-22-2007, 10:36 PM
He needs to be given the sword from Braveheart ... a nice big 2 hander taller than he is.

Myst
11-19-2007, 01:49 PM
This guy posted another chapter and yet another rant at DLP.

A/N #2 - For DLP followers:

This rest of this A/N is targeted explicitly at the folks from Dark Lord Potter, their fans, and their general hangers-on. If you’re not one of them, you really want to just skip the rest of this whole thing, and wait for the next chapter to post.

Let’s start with the basic facts. Since almost none of you seem to be capable of actually reading what I wrote in the prior A/N, or using or using your brain voluntarily, I will try to keep it simple for you.

Why would an author deliberately strike out at such as site as DLP?

It’s simple. Once upon a time, on the request and recommendation of readers and others, I began posting on additional sites. The first two targets were FicWad, by one reader’s particularly interesting comments, and the other was here at FFnet, the clearinghouse for all fanfic, most of which in the HP domain is sadly drivel. After posting at FW for a while, I had an odd request – to also post my story at DLP, although I was warned that Harry-Ginny stories were not favourably received there. In fact, I received several requests to do so, and the later requests – either via PM or via reviews – told me explicitly to drop the H/G issue which was going to ruin an otherwise great story, in their (very not) humble opinions.

Having never heard of DLP, I looked it up via Google, and went to see what it was about. Aside from finding the graphic of a Sith Lord version of Harry Potter (which is pretty pathetic, if you think about it for more than five seconds), I started to look around at some of the stories and what not they were advocating or discussing. I found most of the stories advocated at that time (this was many, many months ago) were one step up from Angry-At-The-World-And-Really-Poorly-Written twelve-year-old deviant fantasies. Some people like that, otherwise it wouldn’t exist in the first place, and while I may not agree with the “w00t!” and “awesome” attributes tossed on said stories, they are opinions, and we all know what can be said of opinions and people.

Then, on a lark, I decided to see if Echoes had been discussed on the site. It immediately came up in their search system, labelled under “Rubbish” or some such, which I found interesting as well. No stranger to criticism, good, bad, or even poorly structured, I wanted to see what was said about the story. Someone started the thread by posting a pointer to Echoes with a “take a look” suggestion. Almost immediately, someone else posted a reply about how Harry was running around with martial arts and Japanese swords, and from there it turned into a flame-fest. What was the crux of the complaint? Most of the commentary came from people that said they (a) did not read the story; (b) could not be bothered to read the story; and (c) based on the simple fact that a sword was used, and/or martial arts skills, they cast much aspersions upon my abilities as an author, my knowledge of anything, and so forth -- frequently by accusing me having knowledge solely gleaned by being a fan of the very things I pointed out in my prior A/N.

For the record, the lot of you are very amateurish at criticism. Try going through the peer-review process for IEEE JSSC publication, or a top-tier conference like ISCA. You’ll learn how to really be critical and selective, but with brains.

I proceeded back to FicWad, and bluntly told the people “suggesting” (all but demanding in some of the PMs I received) that I post at DLP exactly what I thought of DLP based on the commentary that had already been posted there on Echoes. I further made it clear that I would never post there, and stop “suggesting” I do so.

Did this stop it? Of course not. Not only at FW (before I left the site for many reasons, this being one of them), but also here at FF, I continued to receive comments either via review or PM to go post there. Or drop the HG aspect. Or whatever.

For anyone who has actually read this story, you’ll recognize that I have a very low threshold and tolerance for stupidity. I have failed kids in the college courses I have taught for less stupidity than what I have received over these issues, and it astounds me that people are dumb enough to think that they can “suggest” what I do. In that same vein runs the entire premise of your DLP site.

To put it in words anyone can understand: Whoa, dude, I read a few fanfic stories where (X) is a complete wimp, pushed over by others, crazy psycho, slut, and/or is a total loser. I can’t read any stories with (X) as a character. (X) is such a pathetic person. I’m going to be a close-minded ignorant fool and spew my dislike of (X) based on non-canon crap I didn’t like reading in the first place, but for some reason, had to read every story I hated in its entirety. I even sought out more stories in the same bad model for (X) because I just couldn’t stop myself. In fact, not only do I hate (X) for no valid reason, but I will actively encourage others to feel the same, flame people that suggest otherwise, and in general act like a three-year-old with a tantrum. Further, without any true personal knowledge of a topic such as martial arts, scuba, aerospace engineering, solid-state circuits, philosophy, literature, or foo (collectively “Z”), I’m going to make fun of anyone that tries to write with (X) because I embrace my ignorance and seek to only spend time and resources on people that mimic my biases and narrow mindset. I’ll do so by pointing out how (Z) must have come from my ignorant imaginings of reality, rather than what any author might actually know from decades of hard work and study.

Clear enough? So we come to the point where by the time Chapter 25 was going live, I was sick and tired of the crap rolling in through both PMs and reviews, anonymous or otherwise. Sure, some were polite, but quite a few were not. I posted the A/N on Ch25 as a warning shot not to perpetuate the stupidity and crap, with clear examples of what I felt to be in such loose labels. It was very carefully crafted to impart the maximum offence possible into people inclined toward such stupid acts, and it worked perfectly.

The response has been, shall I say, amusing. At this point, I’ll further point out that I’ve disabled PM communications and anonymous reviews.

Now, for those who think angsty prepubescent commentary is limited to those who happen to chronologically be in that window of time, I invite you to read some of the incredibly stellar and amazing reviews that warning A/N generated. I believe you’ll find the bulk of the DLP crowd and their fans to be exactly as described in my A/N, regardless of what delusion they may have based on some quantity of months passed since first gracing the world with their indubitable superiority. Great way to show exactly the stereotype I was aiming for, kids.

The only way to show you are not what I have so simply described is by your actions. You can rant and vent all you like, but your words have no value. Actions, for the most part, are the only things that are meaningful and indicative of a true nature. Go read those lovely reviews, and tell me how proud you are of your actions.

A few reviews in specific deserve some additional commentary.

“Lord Ravenclaw”, you may be a co-founder, and find my comments unpleasant, but here’s the basic rub of the situation: you know this crap happens on your forums, you make no effort to rein it in, and therefore you implicitly agree with, condone, and proactively support it. I should care what you think precisely why? Your entire website is no different from any other hate-speech based activity as far as I could tell at that time, and there has been no demonstration here to show otherwise – and this is entirely based on empirical evidence.

The only person out there to actually try to formulate a coherent argument for disliking Ginny, in particular, based on canon alone was “hb2”. (I owe you another reply to your last comment, btw. I’m waiting for some info to get back to me first to see about people worth training with in the area.) Even then, he admitted that it was a weak formulation, and was based primarily on other issues. The rest of you? Go back and re-read this A/N or the A/N on Ch25.

And finally, no, I’m not going to “go over” to DLP and discuss this. That would require visiting a site that supports many principles that I do not agree with, and frankly find very repugnant. The collective mentality there that I observed is no different from gay-bashing, jew-bashing, or any other isolation of a group. You lot are welcome to think what you want, so long as you stop harassing me (and others) with your little jihadlings. It’s annoying, and only serves to make my point in the long run.

Keep your biases and ignorance on your site, and stop trying to infect others with your disease.

What the hell did we ever do to this guy?

Solomon
11-19-2007, 03:31 PM
From reading that little rant of his, I can safely say that the author is pissed because DLP said his story is tripe. I do love how in his first rant he suggested we were all Japanophiles despite the fact that DLP's reviews for this story are all pretty much anti-Japanophile (Japanophobe?)...

That said, his response to DLP was just pitiful. It's clear in the first one that he didn't set foot in this site past the front page. In the second rant, well, he read the reviews for this story and got pissed because his story was in the Trash Bin.

On a different note, anyone know why the Trash Bin got renamed to the "Recycling" Bin?

nonjon
11-19-2007, 05:47 PM
Egads. We don't need to echo whiners whining.

Some people can't take criticism unless it's wholly constructive. Some people like to group an entire board as a collective unintelligent singular opinion. Some people waste entirely too much effort to get up on a soapbox and address a whole bunch of people who don't want to hear from them.

Let's not keep shining the spotlight on a fic and author many here could care less about.

I'd attempt to get this back onto the topic of the fic rather than the exhaustive rant, but I've not gotten far enough into this one. Too many elements just didn't interest me enough to read it. (The same can be said for the author's note/rant.)

CheddarTrek
02-09-2009, 11:50 AM
If anyone is still following this story, it just got another update. I figure this is as good a time as any to comment on it.

I like the story. Yes it's true that it utilizes a lot of cliches, and it's true that Harry does own a Katana and knows how to use it, and it's also true that Ginny is an important character in this story that may become increasingly more of a romantic interest for Harry. All those things prevent it from being rated a 5/5 by me.

That said, the writing is good, and cliches are sometimes cliches for a reason -- they work. The concept of Harry being off somewhere for the past X years getting kickass training is a cliche, but if you want a powerful teenage Harry in your stories that's one of the most efficient ways of getting it. It avoids him being too powerful too fast (since the training lasts for years off-screen), and you don't have to write the training itself and can jump right into your story.

Other cliches, like the "Let's go shopping for a kickass trunk!" are overdone and I'm tired of reading about them unless they are done in some new way. At least that one is absent from this fic.

I would prefer a nice broadsword instead if he must use a sword. Would also be nice to have more regular updates. As for Ginny, I don't really care. I am not rabidly against H/G on principle, but I have to admit that 90% of the fanfiction out there that pairs Harry with Ginny does it very poorly. This one is iffy.

I think the author has a decent writing style, I think they have a good story, and I think their take on magical theory is an interesting one.

3.5/5

Blaise
02-09-2009, 12:10 PM
It's a cool read, if you're of the 'wizards can't get anything right 'cause they're so ass backwards' mindset.

Not gonna lie - if I had come across this story when the first few chapters came out, I never would've read it because of the 'katana = auto fail' law. As it is, I suppose a katana makes more sense in terms of combat over a broadsword, so choosing an English weapon in the name of cultural harmony is a less intelligent idea than using a sword at all...

His rants were nice as well; it's always ironic to me when authors accuse their readers of being juvenille. Heh.

Story-wise, anyone would be hard pressed to complain about the quality of grammar. My only gripe is that he leans towards the 'muggles/muggle logic pwnt all' group of writers, which leaves his story filled with logical reasoning for how magic works and instances of Harry ranting, instead of paying attention to telling a decent, well-paced story. It's probably why so many parts of the story fall flat, and why not much time has passed, but he seems more focused than, say, Perfect Lionheart.

All in all, I don't think this is a great story. The only difference between now and when this story first came out, is that I wouldn't have read it at all - and therefore wouldn't have been disappointed.

2.5/5

Andro
02-09-2009, 02:13 PM
It is the ranting and righteousness -not the theories and verbosity the author is so proud of - that proved insurmountable for me.

Harry goes through the plotline cleverly and insightfully pointing out the secrets the wizarding world fanfiction readers have known for years.

He gets into arguments specifically so that he can win them.

Everyone cowers before him.

The House-system is broken, and of course Harry is the only person that sees it.

The writer conveys a false air of sophistication for Harry by making every else stupid and blind to the obvious things instead of actually presenting things that require thought or real intelligence.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought an eager-to-please DLP-ite wrote this. From the early, Antediluvian days when Demon God of Chaos was actually considered a good author.

There is too much low-level plotting, with Harry interacting with Hogwarts students to the detriment of the plot advancement. It took how many tens of thousands of words to cover a duration spanning two weeks?

It is more a matter of taste, I guess, I don't want to read about Harry bantering with the Weasley twins ad-nauseum. I don't want to see him massacring Death Eaters mindlessly either, but some clever and original plot development that introduces some meaningful tension would be welcome.

But come on now, he pranks people?

I guess SIYE readers like this sort of thing, so the author succeeded in pleasing his targeted audience.

The Japanophilia is insipid and irritating to read and the writing is very much short of miraculous.

I like the effort put into the grammar, but the elevated vocabulary is meaningless because of the weakness of visualization and introspection. Much of the story takes place in Hogwarts, but when he went to Geneva, there is no description of the setting. There is no intensity or immersion in Harry's thought processes.

The attraction of the Harry-goes-outside-of-Hogwarts stories is that the environment is to some degree exotic. if you don't making even a token effort at description, then the story might as well take place in the same damn meadow.

The self-conceit and complaint letters aimed at DLP, while lulzy and hypocritical, do not serve to make this a better story.

It is stress relief, fine, the writer doesn't try to change to adjust his vocabulary, but that's why there's only 400 reviews and a low profile to show for 300,000 words.

2/5. Only superficially better than the rest of the drivel on FFnet.

The ’secrets known for years’ phrase is lifted from the Horowitz biography, when Harold Schoenberg mentions Leonard Bernstein.Witty guy, huh?

Korisovra
02-09-2009, 03:47 PM
It is the ranting and righteousness -not the theories and verbosity the author is so proud of - that proved insurmountable for me.

Harry goes through the plotline cleverly and insightfully pointing out the secrets the wizarding world fanfiction readers have known for years.

He gets into arguments specifically so that he can win them.

Everyone cowers before him.

The House-system is broken, and of course Harry is the only person that sees it.

The writer conveys a false air of sophistication for Harry by making every else stupid and blind to the obvious things instead of actually presenting things that require thought or real intelligence.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought an eager-to-please DLP-ite wrote this. From the early, Antediluvian days when Demon God of Chaos was actually considered a good author.

There is too much low-level plotting, with Harry interacting with Hogwarts students to the detriment of the plot advancement. It took how many tens of thousands of words to cover a duration spanning two weeks?

It is more a matter of taste, I guess, I don't want to read about Harry bantering with the Weasley twins ad-nauseum. I don't want to see him massacring Death Eaters mindlessly either, but some clever and original plot development that introduces some meaningful tension would be welcome.

But come on now, he pranks people?

I guess SIYE readers like this sort of thing, so the author succeeded in pleasing his targeted audience.

The Japanophilia is insipid and irritating to read and the writing is very much short of miraculous.

I like the effort put into the grammar, but the elevated vocabulary is meaningless because of the weakness of visualization and introspection. Much of the story takes place in Hogwarts, but when he went to Geneva, there is no description of the setting. There is no intensity or immersion in Harry's thought processes.

The attraction of the Harry-goes-outside-of-Hogwarts stories is that the environment is to some degree exotic. if you don't making even a token effort at description, then the story might as well take place in the same damn meadow.

The self-conceit and complaint letters aimed at DLP, while lulzy and hypocritical, do not serve to make this a better story.

It is stress relief, fine, the writer doesn't try to change to adjust his vocabulary, but that's why there's only 400 reviews to show for 300,000 words of writing and a low profile.

2/5. Only superficially better than the rest of the drivel on FFnet.


Fucking hells, I think I just came in my pants. Show him what a *REAL* vocabulary is lol

On to the rating. 2.5/5

As stated somewhere else, an Englishman with a Katana is retarded as hell. The attitude and mindset of the HP in this one made me grit my teeth with his sophomoric philosophy and sudden blazing insights into the British Magical World that have been gone over in hundreds, possibly thousands of other fics. You call us Jew-bashers, and we call you a child that needs to try something original.

The writing style was acceptable, which is why it gets a two, instead of my standard one or lower.

KrzaQ
02-09-2009, 10:38 PM
I read some chapters some time ago. I didn't stop because of supposed pairing (I read it on ps.net). Ranting!Harry, while bad, wasn't the reason either. Neither was using katana, which, for me, is far more logical than using claymore. What killed this story was its pacing. I think I read about 200k words and a month passed in the story. It was still fucking september, when first chapter starts with Harry boarding Hogwarts Express.

I can't say I remember much, but grammar was rather good, I don't recall any annoying spelling mistakes and generally narration flowed well enough.

I wouldn't advice anyone who isn't terribly bored reading this, action is about as fast as in your average phone book, but other than that it's okay. It's a huge "but" though.

For amount of work author obviously put in writing this I want to give it 3/5, for boredom - 2/5. I will go with 2.5/5 rounded to 3/5.