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DGD
11-12-2005, 07:22 PM
Title: The Jaded Series Year I
Author: OblivionsPuppet
Category: Indpendent
Status: Ongoing
Summary: He was not anyone's hero, he would not be their symbol. He had his own ambitions, he had his own goals. Harry James Potter was going to live his life according to his own rules and what was best for him. What the first year of Hogwarts will hold for Harry
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2315860/1/


I liked this one... I didn't see this posted anywhere so I thought I'd put it up.

zUzaque
11-12-2005, 09:12 PM
read it a while ago, good fic. Love the name by the way

DGD
11-12-2005, 09:21 PM
read it a while ago, good fic. Love the name by the way

The fic name or my sn?

zUzaque
11-12-2005, 09:23 PM
Why, Die Ginny Die of chorse, what else?

DGD
11-12-2005, 09:29 PM
Why thank you. I just thought about what really brings us all together and this is what you get -

<---

zUzaque
11-12-2005, 09:50 PM
heh, yeah :D

Lord Osiris
11-12-2005, 10:55 PM
i must certainly agree with zUzaque your name is a symbol of hope for me DIE GINNY DIE, may the trashy whore rot in a gutter somewhere. O.K the story... it's good i like it, his actually portrayed well as an independent boy,so yeh good stuff.

Dark Syaoran
11-12-2005, 10:57 PM
Seen this around but never clicked it for some reason. I tend to stay away from first year stories because either nothing really good happens, they repeat the first book with minor altercations, or he is so super-powered at age 11 it just hurts the brain.

Narf
11-12-2005, 11:08 PM
I liked it a bit, but the whole puberty at age 11 got to me. I mean, 5'3 at that age?

Dark Syaoran
11-12-2005, 11:11 PM
Rofl...

Antivash
11-12-2005, 11:11 PM
*shrugs* i reda it... i like it as a time killer but... nothing worth serious time investment .. its on my story alerts so blah

Hadoren
01-06-2007, 06:16 PM
Okay. The beginning was great. There was a heavily thought out plot. The characterization of Harry was pretty much perfect. And the author came up with a creative excuse for the maturity of his characters - early magical puberty. The House of Potter's monetary condition was also a unique idea. Grammer and spelling were very good. I was giving it a 4.5/5 by chapter 5. Of all the stories with Independent!Harry before Hogwarts, I'd have to say that this one was one of the best. Unfortunately, most bog down in Hogwarts, so I was watching out for that. Then came the Wizengamot meeting...

Apart from what I'm going to attack below, it was below expectations. First came an orphanage budget problem Harry fixed. Fudge should've agreed with Harry, but still very good.

Then came a werewolf bill. Three problems:

1. Harry immediately attacks it. Where in the world did he start giving a fuck about werewolf rights in the story?

2. Harry attacks it. It's horrible politics. He's just an incoming power; he should've done what the others did and give no comment. He's just made an enemy of the House of Malfroy and Fudge. Allying with werewolves doesn't heal the wound; they're not so powerful.

3. Why doesn't Dumbledore or somebody else more experienced in politics attack the bill?

Therefore, I'd say that this part is merely o.k. due to plot holes. Still a great story. But then...

“The final bill to be presented to the Wizengamot today is the Magical Abortion Act, the law is brought by Lady Devaro and Madam Bones.” Harry felt his own jaw set...

She was Lady Devaro, the most fanatical supporter of witch’s feminist issues in the entirety of Wizarding Britain, and also one of the most dangerous political figures in the realm today. She was supported by a coalition of miner families, and had extracted promises of support from the Minister for the first recognized abortion law in the wizarding Britain...

“Now are there any motions in regard to this bill?” Harry’s wand went up so fast that it beat anyone else in the entire room.

“I would propose that this bill be thrown out in its entirety, and the entire issue be set aside until next year session of the Wizengamot.” Harry’s voice was still icy, and his anger was plainly visible to anyone who looked at him...

“THIS IS AN OUTRAGE, A TRAVISTY FOR WITCHES RIGHTS EVERYWHERE AND I SHALL NOT STAND FOR IT!” Her (Lady Davero's) screams echoed throughout the hall, and were immediately drowned out by loud bangs from the wand of Tiberius Ogden.


This completely destroyed the story. My jaw literally dropped open in shock. Seven problems:

1. Harry immediately attacks it. Where in the world did he start giving a fuck about abortion in the story?

2. Harry attacks it. It's horrible politics. He's just an incoming power; he should've done what the others did and give no comment. He's just made an enemy of the a bunch of minor houses and Lady Davero - a powerful political figure, if the author's description is correct.

3. Lady Davero is completely OOC compared to how the author described her. Surely such a powerful figure wouldn't get support from everybody by yelling? It should be Harry who gets his temper up and yells.

4. Why does everybody support Harry? They agreed beforehand to support Lady Davero. Look at what the author wrote beforehand where everybody supported the werewolf bill despite Harry's comments.

5. Why in the world is Harry the only person that speaks out in the Wizengamot meeting? Make somebody else speak for more than 10 seconds.

6. The author has completely made Harry Potter a Gary-Stu. I can tell immediately from this that the author is creating a dream world where he is Harry Potter and Lady Davero is Nancy Pelosi. It violates basic writing principles. I'm going to just change several words a bit in the quote. You get...

“The final bill to be presented to Congress today is the Abortion Act, the law is brought by Nancy Pelosi and Madam Bones.” OblivionsPuppet felt his own jaw set...

She was Nancy Pelosi, the most fanatical supporter of witch’s feminist issues in the entirety of the U.S., and also one of the most dangerous political figures in the realm today. She was supported by a coalition of miner families, and had extracted promises of support from the President for the first recognized abortion law in the U.S...

“Now are there any motions in regard to this bill?” OblivionsPuppet’s hand went up so fast that it beat anyone else in the entire room.

“I would propose that this bill be thrown out in its entirety, and the entire issue be set aside until next year session of Congress.” OblivionsPuppet’s voice was still icy, and his anger was plainly visible to anyone who looked at him...

“THIS IS AN OUTRAGE, A TRAVISTY FOR WITCHES RIGHTS EVERYWHERE AND I SHALL NOT STAND FOR IT!” Her (Nancy Pelosi's) screams echoed throughout the hall, and were immediately drowned out by loud bangs from the gavel of Tiberius Ogden.


(btw, OblivionsPuppet is an American; that's why I'm not talking about Parliament and the Prime Minister in Britain)

7. The author has connected politics and fiction. Never do that. It only makes people stop reading your writing, creates a biased view from your side, causes self-insertions, and makes you look like a bigot.

So. I gave him a 4.5 before.

Take away one point for self-insertion.

Take away another point for putting politics where it doesn't belong.

Take away a third point because I'm pro-choice and completely disagree with the author.

So you get 1.5/5.

Such a potentially great story gone to waste. But I'll give this author points for being completely unique in ruining his story; I've yet to see another story ruined by politics.

Moloch
01-06-2007, 08:45 PM
The story was anal-raped by politics.

I wouldn't say it was quite that bad, Elf Lover. Whilst the politics within the story were awkward at best and retarded at worst, it still has the capability in redeeming itself, though unlikely.

I'm gonna keep an eye on it for now.

TheIllusiveOne
01-07-2007, 02:29 AM
Okay. The beginning was great. There was a heavily thought out plot. The characterization of Harry was pretty much perfect. And the author came up with a creative excuse for the maturity of his characters - early magical puberty. The House of Potter's monetary condition was also a unique idea. Grammer and spelling were very good. I was giving it a 4.5/5 by chapter 5. Of all the stories with Independent!Harry before Hogwarts, I'd have to say that this one was one of the best. Unfortunately, most bog down in Hogwarts, so I was watching out for that. Then came the Wizengamot meeting...

Apart from what I'm going to attack below, it was below expectations. First came an orphanage budget problem Harry fixed. Fudge should've agreed with Harry, but still very good.

Then came a werewolf bill. Three problems:

1. Harry immediately attacks it. Where in the world did he start giving a fuck about werewolf rights in the story?

2. Harry attacks it. It's horrible politics. He's just an incoming power; he should've done what the others did and give no comment. He's just made an enemy of the House of Malfroy and Fudge. Allying with werewolves doesn't heal the wound; they're not so powerful.

3. Why doesn't Dumbledore or somebody else more experienced in politics attack the bill?

Therefore, I'd say that this part is merely o.k. due to plot holes. Still a great story. But then...



This completely destroyed the story. My jaw literally dropped open in shock. Seven problems:

1. Harry immediately attacks it. Where in the world did he start giving a fuck about abortion in the story?

2. Harry attacks it. It's horrible politics. He's just an incoming power; he should've done what the others did and give no comment. He's just made an enemy of the a bunch of minor houses and Lady Davero - a powerful political figure, if the author's description is correct.

3. Lady Davero is completely OOC compared to how the author described her. Surely such a powerful figure wouldn't get support from everybody by yelling? It should be Harry who gets his temper up and yells.

4. Why does everybody support Harry? They agreed beforehand to support Lady Davero. Look at what the author wrote beforehand where everybody supported the werewolf bill despite Harry's comments.

5. Why in the world is Harry the only person that speaks out in the Wizengamot meeting? Make somebody else speak for more than 10 seconds.

6. The author has completely made Harry Potter a Gary-Stu. I can tell immediately from this that the author is creating a dream world where he is Harry Potter and Lady Davero is Nancy Pelosi. It violates basic writing principles. I'm going to just change several words a bit in the quote. You get...



(btw, OblivionsPuppet is an American; that's why I'm not talking about Parliament and the Prime Minister in Britain)

7. The author has connected politics and fiction. Never do that. It only makes people stop reading your writing, creates a biased view from your side, causes self-insertions, and makes you look like a bigot.

So. I gave him a 4.5 before.

Take away one point for self-insertion.

Take away another point for putting politics where it doesn't belong.

Take away a third point because I'm pro-choice and completely disagree with the author.

So you get 1.5/5.

Such a potentially great story gone to waste. But I'll give this author points for being completely unique in ruining his story; I've yet to see another story ruined by politics.
Did you even read the fic, or just skim through the politicts parts? There are reasons for each action he made, and he refers to them multiple times, you're nitpicking about stupid bullshit, seriously.

flameclaw
08-07-2009, 05:04 AM
Is this fic completely discontinued? The authors note said that the first year was done but I havent been able to find it posted anywhere.

Custer
08-07-2009, 09:38 AM
*facepalms* Just PM the author.

Innomine
08-07-2009, 06:05 PM
If the author hasn't done shit in over two years, what makes you think that he will now?