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The Official 300 Thread -- Skulls will be fucked

Discussion in 'Movies, Music and TV shows' started by BioPlague, Mar 7, 2007.

  1. BioPlague

    BioPlague The Senate DLP Supporter

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    300

    This will most likely be the best movie of the year thus far. And it may easily beat SM3, PotC: AWE and any action-oriented movie that is planned for release in 2007.

    Discuss.

    P.S. Trailer is fucking awesome.
     
  2. Giovanni

    Giovanni God of Scotch

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    Doesn't seem fap worthy, yet. Then again, I haven't liked a movie in a while.
     
  3. DemonDream

    DemonDream Professor

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    I hope the battles get more epic than that. I am still going to see the movie though, the spartans are easily among the most badass warriors in history. I just hope the movie does them justice.
     
  4. Jamven

    Jamven Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    I agree with DemonDream. I hope that the battles get better. I love Greek History, so my only hope is that the movie will do justice.
     
  5. Darius

    Darius 13/m/box

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    Fuckin fuck fuck, won't let me watch it for being Canadian.

    *waits for the lame jokes to come*
     
  6. BioPlague

    BioPlague The Senate DLP Supporter

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    Humorous review:

    "I just saw a movie that'll give your eyes boners, make your balls scream and make you poop DVD copies of THE TRANSPORTER. It's called 300. I don't know what the title has to do with the movie, but they could've called it KITTENS MAKING CANDLES and it'd still rule.

    It's about these 300 Greek dudes who stomp the sugar-coated shit out of like a million other dudes. I have a feeling that a lot of high school sports coaches are going to show this film to their teams before they play. Also, gay dudes and divorced women are going to use screen captures for computer wallpaper.

    The movie takes place about a million years ago, and it's sort of like a prequel to SIN CITY. Except way less guns and cars but twice as much skull splitting.
    If you watch this movie and go into a Taco Bell, and say to the cashier, "I need some extra sauce packets"
    guess what? You're getting twenty sauce packets because your face will punch him in the brain.

    I can't spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN'T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that's hitting someone's balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.

    TWO COOL THINGS ABOUT THE MOVIE AND ONE THING I DIDN'T
    LIKE:

    COOL THING ONE:
    HEAVY METAL DURING BATTLE SCENES

    Who gives a shit if the music isn't historically correct? LORD OF THE RINGS could've used some Journey.
    This movie has that chu-CHUNG kind of metal that you hear in your head when your shift supervisor at Wetzel's Pretzel is telling you that you'll have to stay for clean up and you wish you had a sock filled with quarters in your hand.

    COOL THING TWO:
    FOES, MINI-BOSSES AND A BIG BOSS

    Basically, the Greek dudes are fighting these Persian dudes, but the director, who must have a dick made of three machine guns, does it all like a video game. The Greeks fight through every death metal video from the last ten years. There's wave after wave of giants, freaks, ninjas, mutants, wizards, and a hunchback who looks like he's got Rosie O'Donnell on his back.

    Would I have been happy if Dom DeLuise from HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART I had shown up? Maybe, but this movie more than makes up for that glaring oversight.

    NOT SO GOOD THING:
    DUDE NUDITY ("DUDE-ITY")

    These are Greek times, when there were a lot of naked women around. And there are some naked women in this film, but almost every naked woman scene has a muscular dude giving the screen an ass picnic.

    Dude-ity is something directors put in their movies so people will think they're serious, I guess, and not just throwing in naked hotties.

    Any directors reading this - IT'S OKAY TO JUST THROW IN NAKED HOTTIES.

    Can't someone make a movie about naked Amazons and call it PAUSE BUTTON?

    My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I've seen this year, and will probably be the King of 2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf."
     
  7. the-caitiff

    the-caitiff Death Eater

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    That actually sounds like a good movie idea. How would the boobs move independant of the body? Could they posess the woman and force her to become the next Buffy? Do they get along? You must admit the idea of a pair of sentient boobs who dont get along taking over a woman's body to kill a slavering monster on the night of a full moon is pretty humorous.
     
  8. Miss Selarne

    Miss Selarne Sixth Year

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    ...If I see a movie like that, I am going to run far, far away. All the while laughing insanely.
     
  9. Gullible

    Gullible Headmaster

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    300, the movie

    Half way down the page.

    Anyway, on the subject of the movie, ass-kickery is abound, which is always good and the 300 happen to be the coolest motherfuckers ever. So it is all good.
     
  10. doc_gerbil

    doc_gerbil Sixth Year

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    it looks absolutely nuts, but the one fear i have is that its going to be a video game without controllers. but then again, even if it is, the cinematography looks so amazing that the movie would be amazing even if there was no script at all.
     
  11. BioPlague

    BioPlague The Senate DLP Supporter

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    Saw it. Epic.

    Not Godfather, not 7 Samurai or anything with a deep plot or anything like that. But who gives a shit, this is just straight ass-kicking, severed heads etc etc. I thought Butler did a good enough job as the king to make the movie not require anything deep.

    George Lucas seriously has nothing on whoever these guys are that did the cinematography (not a comparison to the storyline of Star Wars which sucks massive dick) -- nothing. Every frame is epic, epic epic.

    8/10 simply for entertainment factor.

    Another trailer to whet the appetite [Rated R]
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2007
  12. DemonDream

    DemonDream Professor

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    I most definitely agree. Unlike what is usual, the trailers are not the best parts of the movie. They do nothing more than, as BioPlague said, 'Whet the appetite.' I fully intend to buy this movie when it comes out on DVD. I really can't rant about how epic this movie is without spoiling it, so I'm going to end my post here. Go see it!
     
  13. DGD

    DGD Headmaster

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    I live a couple blocks from an IMAX, so I went to the first showing today. And after doing so I've come up with a list of things you now have to do to not suck.

    1. Watch 300

    2. Watch it in Imax

    3. Watch it 300 times.

    Seriously, just everything you could ask for in a movie. Well, the bewb action could've used some work, but the rest was spot-on.

    Action scenes were done awesomely, if you (Like me) are into slow motion decapitation/amputation/spear-tation.
     
  14. The Dark Lord Squash

    The Dark Lord Squash Denarii Host

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    SO yeah I just got back from seeing it what can I say.... FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!! The battle scenes were quite simply some of the best you will ever see. The Slow-mo scenes were pretty damn cool and I really would not be surprised if this is the movie of 07. The thing that makes the movie even cooler is that happened. 300 men really do hold of a million Persian troops for several days. When you think of that the whole movie just gets so much better. Everyone should see it. Simple as that.
     
  15. Thorn

    Thorn Professor

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    Wow. Just wow. I think any other movie this year is going to have a hard time topping this. The movie was ass kicking in all its wondrous glory. Every character except Xerces and his messengers comes off as a total bad ass.

    If you haven't seen this movie, stop wasting your time with this thread. Go see 300, wipe the cum out of your pants, see it again. Rinse, repeat.

    9/10.
     
  16. Zield

    Zield Fourth Year

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    I just saw it, and it was pretty good. Only things that bugged me were how feminine they made Xerxes. As well as how much of a hypocrite they made Leonidas for turning away Ephialtes (I think that was his name if not then Quasimoto) for not being able to hold his shield properly for the phalanx when in the movie 85% of the time they didn't seem to be in the phalanx. The third thing was that none of the thousands of gallons of CG blood flying from the fighters ever landed on the ground.

    Besides those things it was a good movie that everyone who loves violence should see.

    8/10
     
  17. DemonDream

    DemonDream Professor

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    Actually, I believe that the actual history was only several tens of thousands. One million is simply a nicer sounding number for the legend. But it was still an incredible achievement.
     
  18. Lady Almaren

    Lady Almaren Seventh Year

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    This movie KICKS ASS!!! OMG! It was so amazing. The fight scenes with the blood and everything. I even liked the dry humor they kept going throughout the movie. And those Persians...they may be evil but it definately looks like they can throw a party. The one part I didn't like was how the king treated Quasimodo. (I have no idea what his actual name is but that's what I'm calling him)

    9/10.
     
  19. The Dark Lord Squash

    The Dark Lord Squash Denarii Host

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    The estimation of Persians is anywhere from 200,000 to 2 million. So saying 1 million is not wrong, but it also may not be right.
     
  20. BioPlague

    BioPlague The Senate DLP Supporter

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    If it's anything close to 1 million, let alone 2 million, someone would have had to have brought a machinegun back in time.
     
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