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Abandoned Psychological Warfare by Deep Red - K

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by DarthBill, Jun 2, 2007.

  1. DarthBill

    DarthBill The Chosen One

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    Location:
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    Title: Psychological Warfare
    Author: Deep Red
    Rating: K
    Genre: General
    DLP Category: AU
    Pairing: None, so far
    Chapters: 2
    Words: 3,639
    Updated: April 26, 2008
    Published: February 18, 2007
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Harry gets a lesson in playground warfare and turns from victim into a Lord. Grey possibly Dark Harry
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3402153/1/

    There really is only one chapter, but it works well as a one-shot. Seemed to me as a very small instance that could have shaped Harry from savior to Dark Lord material. Very nicely done.

    4.3/5

    Edit: Whoopsie. Thanks for pointing that out. I fixed it.


    Checked by Minion, January 1, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2013
  2. TripticWriter

    TripticWriter Groundskeeper

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    That was awesome! That must be one of the most well done beginning to a Slytherin!Harry.

    It's really a shame that he doesn't seem to want to write more of this.

    5/5
     
  3. Scarty

    Scarty Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Last edited: Jun 2, 2007
  4. Dark Magic

    Dark Magic Denarii Host

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    Overall, I thought this story was average. The only parts worth noticing were the beginning and the very, very end. It could have turned into a better story, but I just can't seem to get into the idea of Harry and Dudley being friends.

    3/5
     
  5. DarthBill

    DarthBill The Chosen One

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    If you thought they were friends, you missed the best aspect of the story. They aren't friends. Harry is, at the tender age of five, learning how to harbor sycophanty and submissiveness from even the most aggressive adversaries available to him. He is being molded into the perfect slytherin.
     
  6. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Gotta congratulate the police officer though, he just created the second Tom Riddle of the Twentieth Century.

    Hope he does more like this, I give it a 4.5/5.

    Aekiel
     
  7. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    At the moment Harry is not a Tom Riddle Slytherin yet. I'd say he also has some features of Slughorn. He is definitely cunning, but not dark and evil.

    He accepts and perhaps even enjoys to be the centre of attention, but he manipulates the people around him more like Slughorn. The way he punishes Dudley looks a bit like Riddle, but Harry doesn't show the cruelty. Further development will show which direction he'll take.

    It is quite good, and an interesting prologue of a Slytherin!Harry fic. But it's not that overwhelming outstanding.

    So 4/5
     
  8. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

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    I loved the story, it was represhing and new.

    I'm not sure if I want to see it continued though. It would be hard to maintain this level of writing.
     
  9. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

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    Isn't it wonderful how one person can try to do good and, by doing so, end up ruining another person's life?

    Got to love that.

    This was well written, and the way it progressed into a victim!Dudley was unexpected at first. I've read stories where Harry was liked by the Dursleys and Dudley went bad, but never one where he depended on Harry to be liked by the other kids. I'd like to see some more, but it would probably take away from the power this piece holds as a stand-alone.

    I'd say as close to a 5 as you can get without a spell being thrown.
     
  10. HardcoreHobbit

    HardcoreHobbit Second Year

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    This was good, it stands well by itself, and I don't see the need for continuation. If it must be done, I'd rather it skip right to Hogwarts and what happens there. It's well written and well thought out.

    The only problems I have are the inconsistent changes between American English and English. Also, and this is a problem in many fics, the author seems to be under the impression that Surrey is a tiny town near Manchester, when in fact it is a county, south of London. Counties have possibly close to 100 primary schools, and not the one, like the fic would leave to believe.

    3-4/5
     
  11. malaga

    malaga Auror

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    *blushes* I was sort of under that impression too. I figure most non-English people are. This isn't my kind of story usually, but I really liked it. 5/5 for manipulation and bullied Dudley.
     
  12. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    Very interesting story here. Kinda short, but good. 4/5 for me.

    Richard.
     
  13. Klael

    Klael Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Interesting, though, that there are something like 280 million American English Speakers to roughly 50 million Anglo-English speakers. Both have evolved from the original Olde English, and yet, the Anglo-English is supposed to be the 'original' dialect.
     
  14. Big D on a Diet

    Big D on a Diet Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Pretty solid, but nothing to write home about. 3.5/5

    I might not have even reviewed, but I was curious why Darth posted the summary for my story here, and not the one for Deep Red's?

    Big D
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2007
  15. DarthBill

    DarthBill The Chosen One

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    It was an accident. I thought it looked wrong, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong with it.

    Here's the real summary: Harry gets a lesson in playground warfare and turns from victim into a Lord. Grey possibly Dark Harry.
     
  16. Big D on a Diet

    Big D on a Diet Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    No biggie, I figured it was something like that.

    It did make me do a double-take, though.

    Big D
     
  17. HardcoreHobbit

    HardcoreHobbit Second Year

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    I wasn't referring to the fact that Anglo English is the original dialect, I was simply referring to the fact that Harry Potter is a story about an English wizard who goes to school in Scotland. Which, if I'm not mistaken, are both countries who speak Anglo English. Well, almost, if you've ever listened to a true Scotsman.

    That doesn't change the fact that Americans seem to pitifully underestimate the size and population of our country. You yourself did in fact, there are roughly 62 million people living in the United Kingdom.

    I've said my piece.
     
  18. Gullible

    Gullible Headmaster

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    And you overestimate, according to the CIA website the UK is estimated to have 60,776,238 people by July 2007, Brit though I am, I must contradict you.
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2007
  19. slasheh

    slasheh Seventh Year

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    never mind the fact that of those 60million people at most 55millions speak english as a first language.
     
  20. BartucTheBloody

    BartucTheBloody Third Year

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    How many of those Americans speak English as their first language?

    This was a pretty good one-shot. It's not what I usually read, but I enjoyed it. It would be interesting to see where this would go if continued