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View Full Version : [Complete] You're a Wizard, Potter by Amsuhl - K+


deathinapinkboa
06-17-2007, 01:15 AM
Title: You're a Wizard, Potter
Author: Amsuhl
Rating: K+
Genre: Humor/Parody
DLP Category: Humor/Parody
Pairing: None Declared, None Likely
Status: WIP
Summary: Snape comes to get Harry instead of Hagrid. Harry, however, is not compliant, and Snape is in for hell as he takes Harry shopping and to Hogwarts... Features a very intelligent, and sarcastic, Harry, and a new circle of friends. Short story.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3596798/1/
Text: See Attachment

This story could go either way, but at the moment I find it quite funny.

4/5, with rating withheld until further chapters.


No longer awailable on public archives. I added a file with the story as attachment to this post.
Checked by Minion, September 17, 2014

Dain Bread
06-17-2007, 01:22 AM
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3596798/1/

^ Decent so far, I'm neutral right now though.

3/5

afrojack
06-17-2007, 01:23 AM
Uh oh. This better not be a plagiarized version of Just After Midnight (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3261146/1/).

Judgement reserved.

EDIT: It's not, pretty good actually. 4/5 overall. 5/5 for this part:

"And he was more mature!" Harry yelled. If he could get Snape angry enough, he might start making mistakes. Harry could move his neck around slightly. The stasis- body-bind, that was, was loosening slowly. "You watch the Magic School Bus!"

Snape went white. Most people went red when they were angry. Vernon went purple. But not Snape, he went white, white, and whiter until he looked even scarier. "I do not." he whispered emphatically.

deathtehfluffybunny
06-17-2007, 01:45 AM
It seems different, very different, I can't believe you would even compare the two considering the drastically different characterizations of Harry.

It was alright, I thought Snape took more shit from Harry than how he is normally written and the Really Witty and Funny!Harry can get tired really quick if the author doesn't have a good wit themselves. This story seems too dependent on the development of the characters to rate this early.

Richard
06-17-2007, 02:19 AM
Oh my fucking god, I couldn't stop laughing!!!! That was friggen hilarious! 5/5 for me!

Richard.

Warlocke
06-17-2007, 02:28 AM
Uh oh. This better not be a plagiarized version of Just After Midnight (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3261146/1/).

Judgement reserved.Oh, God, that story! Just After Midnight pissed me off because it is just chapter after chapter of Snape abusing Harry with impunity while Dumbledore (in his omnipotent fucking wisdom) ignores the atrocious situation and Harry being a staggeringly cowardly wimp when compared to canon. I kept waiting for Harry to get some justice, if not revenge (or some balls, pleeease). Nope, nothing. It made me so angry that I couldn't stop grinding my teeth.

This story seems to be taking the 'Snape retrieves Harry instead of Hagrid' concept and going in the opposite direction with it. Harry is brave, flippant, smart, a fighter, proactive... Overnight, Harry has taken it upon himself to skip sleep in order to read a number of books on spells and concepts unique to Wizarding culture like Oaths and Vows. He stole Snape's wand, undetected, and has already performed a number of transfigurations, some sort of spell to make him look/sound like a girl (or actually turn himself into one. Eep!) and has successfully hexed Snape with the very spell the potions master originally threatened to use on him. All with a wand that, presumably, isn't even that well-suited to him!
Canon Harry would have just spent the night sleeping, picking his nose and enjoying how favorably the room, bed and food compared to his cupboard back on Privet Drive. Just After Midnight's Harry would have spent the night hiding under the bed in his urine-soaked hand-me-down clothes and poor, put-upon Hermione would've had to change his nappy in the morning.

After just one (short) chapter, this Harry could eat Just After Midnight's Harry for breakfast, if he were so inclined. More likely, he'd just feel sorry for the sniveling wretch.

I'll toss out a rating if it gets a few more chapters under its belt. I'll continue to enjoy it, just as long as Harry remains a clever, proactive kid, rather than turning into Mini-Merlin, The Boy Who Could Do Anything. I don't mind a high-powered 5th year Harry but from a 1st year it would be a bit much.

ip82
06-17-2007, 02:28 AM
Yeah, rather cool start. Kind of "Just after midnight" meets "So sue me". This guy has a good rep for completing stories, so we can almost certainly except relatively constant update rate.

TripticWriter
06-17-2007, 07:27 AM
Frankly I don't understand your enthusiasm.

Sure it's kind of funny, but giving it a 5 stars rating when there is only a really short chapter seems a little bit excessive.

There is nothing really original and the cross gender business is: first, magically illogical for somebody who know nothing about magic and secondly just an utterly stupid idea.

But I admit than it can still turn in an enjoyable story.

Swimdraconian
06-17-2007, 01:01 PM
This had me grinning through the whole thing. I'll admit, it's a bit early for a definite rating, but I have high hopes for this fic.

Will watch and give rating later.

Xiph0
06-17-2007, 04:37 PM
Fucken lulz. Would be a 5 if but for the end.

Aekiel
06-18-2007, 10:56 AM
Kinda strange that he turned himself into a girl (or at least made him look like one) but otherwise quite amusing. At the minute its a 4/5, but I'll wait a few more chapters before giving it a proper rating.

Aekiel

Antivash
06-18-2007, 12:28 PM
I dont see the hype in this. It wasnt BAD. It was decent but meh. Snape was too eager to curse, and while he may hate Harry, I doubt he is going to hex him for such idiotic reasons.

4/5

Garret P.I.
06-18-2007, 03:58 PM
Meh... 3.5 out of 5. The story was going okay for me up till the "magic School bus" shit. Once that appeared in a story... in BRITAIN... in 1991... I lost respect for the author.

This "loss of respect" was similar to the losses created when I see an author write about Hermione or some other character in the story toting around a motorola razor cellphone in 1991.

Yo, author, get your fucking timeline in order... MSB didn't come out until 1994. and didn't even show in the UK until after 1998,. 5 fucking minutes on Wikipedia would have told you this.

If fact, pop culture references should be kept to an absolute minimum.

Also, I dislike it when Snape isn't shown in character.

Initially he was spot on, but once Harry was around him for a while he just stopped acting like Snape. What the hell is wrong with you, author?

Comments like

Snape wanted to cry. Why was he stuck with stuff like this?

Do nothing but earn my burning hatred and ire.
Stop it!
Learn these points now while there is still hope for your story.
1. Snape does not cry! Years of hovering, batlike, over cauldrons with noxious vapours rising from them, have caused his tear ducts to achieve the approximate density, toughness, and moisture content of rawhide.
2. Severus Snape would never use the word "stuff"... ever. He is a master of elocution. A vivant of the vicious verbal vivisection.

I will not even speak of the Fem!Harry ending of chapter 1, other than to say that it cost you .5 of a star for that horror alone.

Klael
06-18-2007, 05:33 PM
I'm tired of stories that comment on things like, he didn't even know that he was using a wand that wasn't even suited to him! That's not how you do it. If he's doing something wierd, then either another character or a book has to tell him this.

Garret P.I.
06-18-2007, 05:47 PM
I'm tired of stories that comment on things like, he didn't even know that he was using a wand that wasn't even suited to him! That's not how you do it. If he's doing something wierd, then either another character or a book has to tell him this.

The word you're looking for is "exposition".

You hate it when an author uses exposition to explain that something is anomalous rather than just showing it in the story.

I agree.

Only bad writers use exposition... it's the lazy writer's crutch.

Once the story begins, the author's voice should NEVER be heard again unless it's to describe something physically.

Warlocke
06-19-2007, 02:03 AM
Yo, author, get your fucking timeline in order... MSB didn't come out until 1994. and didn't even show in the UK until after 1998,. 5 fucking minutes on Wikipedia would have told you this.

If fact, pop culture references should be kept to an absolute minimum.Indeed, anachronisms can be infuriating. I wanted to curb stomp this one author that made references to Blink 182 being Harry's favorite group and how he listened to them on his mp3 player... Harry was about 5 years old in this fic when this horse shit was being mentioned. That would be 1985! Forget that this was a painfully obvious example of the author projecting his/her tastes onto a character, the members of Blink 182 probably weren't allowed to cut with real scissors back then, much less cut a record.

Christ Almighty, I wanted to brutalize someone. Still, I was too lazy to look up the Magic School Bus thing. I assumed it was an anachronism but I'm viewing this story as a farce, so it didn't bug me too much.

1. Snape does not cry! Years of hovering, batlike, over cauldrons with noxious vapours rising from them, have caused his tear ducts to achieve the approximate density, toughness, and moisture content of rawhide.LOL. To quote Sam & Max, "You crack me up, little buddy."

2. Severus Snape would never use the word "stuff"... ever. He is a master of elocution. A vivant of the vicious verbal vivisection.Yes. Having Snape and Dumbledore talking like they just stumbled out of a mall in the Valley annoys the shit out of me. I read something with Dumbledore using the word 'stuff' a few days ago and a small part of me died. I don't care if you make the headmaster good, evil or whatever, just don't make him act like he rides the short train to Hogwarts. I don't even mind them acting a little out of character as long as they still speak in character.

Also, what the fuck is up with all the stories where Dumbledore doesn't recognize a firearm for what it is? He fought Grindelwald who was supposedly closely linked with the Third Reich. I'm not so good at history but I think some of 'them thar Nazi fellers' used guns. Even people in a wizard vs wizard fight during WWII should have seen some guns being used by muggles somewhere along the line.

And now back to the regularly scheduled topic...

nonjon
06-19-2007, 10:49 AM
Grindelwald who was supposedly closely linked with the Third Reich Pretty sure that's a completely fanon idea. I think all we know of Grindelwald is that he was defeated by Dumbledore in 1945 and that JKR confirmed he is dead. Everything else is speculation (according to the lexicon some speculate that Grindelwald was Hitler or was at least responsible for WWII).

And on another note, I think some people (I'm looking at you, Garret P.I.) are taking a self-proclaimed PARODY a little too seriously. If this were a fic treating canon ideals respectfully while aiming for some laughs I suppose arguing about Snape's OOC-ness would be a bit more justified but the author calls it a parody (judging by the genre classification of Humor/Parody). If it stayed true to canon, it wouldn't exactly be parodying anything.

Err... just saw a second chapter where the author begins with a note clarifying the story's parody-ness. So yeah. What the kid said.

As for my opinion on this fic? Meh... it does nothing for me. A couple of semi-funny moments that lost their luster by the end of the chapter. The second chapter even more so. Lunakatrina's fic has a similar tone and is much funnier in my opinion. I'd give this a 2.5/5. If the author just made a one-shot of the idea, it could be hilarious. But I don't need another attempt at creative Dursley torture (the-caitiff's evil Fluffy cat is probably the best of that around), or a shopping scene with a sarcastic Harry (even a sexually confused transgender!Harry) remarking on all aspects of wizarding society and calling Ollivander "Ollie". Was 3/5 for the first chapter but dropped it half a point for the second and the preemptive disappointment of future installments.

Garret P.I.
06-19-2007, 11:36 AM
And on another note, I think some people (I'm looking at you, Garret P.I.) are taking a self-proclaimed PARODY a little too seriously. If this were a fic treating canon ideals respectfully while aiming for some laughs I suppose arguing about Snape's OOC-ness would be a bit more justified but the author calls it a parody (judging by the genre classification of Humor/Parody). If it stayed true to canon, it wouldn't exactly be parodying anything.

I beg to differ nonjon. Sue me is a perfect example of an author doing a parody while keeping the other characters in character enough to maintain the illusion of them being the characters from the books. Harry is very much out of character with his sarcasm... while everyone else is kept more or less in character so as to draw attention to the differences in Harry's personality rather than draw attention to their own ooc moments. Besides, for the love of pete, it's not like I blasted the fic to pieces for the anachronistic ooc moments... I still gave is 3 stars.

As to Anachronisms in HP fics... sorry... they just drive me mad, that and authors screwing up the "voice"...

Klael
06-19-2007, 01:10 PM
I stand by my previous comment--the 'Exposition', if you will (thanks, Garret). That's the only problem I have. I was enjoying the story up until that point. I was more disappointed than anything else.

nonjon
06-19-2007, 04:25 PM
I beg to differ nonjon. Sue me is a perfect example of an author doing a parody while keeping the other characters in character enough to maintain the illusion of them being the characters from the books.
Ahh... so we're just quibbling over the language. Because I'd consider So Sue Me a Humor-fic, but not a parody (and the author categorizes it as Humor/Drama, not parody either). Although it's the drama parts that detract from the fic in my opinion.

To me, a parody throws everything out the window. Nothing is off limits for the sake of mocking. For example, a movie comparison would be The 40 Year Old Virgin is a comedy while Scary Movie (or Epic Movie is newer) is a parody. And Talladega Nights is a comedy that parodies Nascar life.

So by my definition of a parody, you're being picky and missing the point. But by your definition of a parody, this fic's supporting cast is too far from canon for your tastes.

Anachronisms annoy me too, but not as much as the author injecting his own favorite bands, music, movies, and tastes into the story. But again, in a parody, I'm expecting anything, including anachronisms for the sake of a laugh or general laziness.

And I think I like the fic less than you, so you don't have to sell me on your 'fair and balanced' opinion.

Kate
06-19-2007, 04:51 PM
There is only one thing that matter to me when I read a parody; do I laugh or do I not laugh. The first chapter was funny, the second not so much, so 2.5/5 for now.

TripticWriter
06-24-2007, 05:16 AM
It has been updated.

Nice chapter, the story is starting to grow on me.

Teal_Thanatos
06-24-2007, 05:36 AM
bloody funny, 4/5

Xiph0
06-24-2007, 08:47 AM
Lulzy.

Author actually responds to reviews.

5/5

deathinapinkboa
06-24-2007, 10:28 AM
For all you lot complaining about anachronisms, just remember that JKR herself has a few. Dudley throughing his playstation out the window is a nice example.

TripticWriter
06-26-2007, 08:21 AM
Updated again.

Short chapter, but with his update rate it's not that annoying.

About the chapter, nothing special. We have Harry amusing himself with his magic, maybe a tiny glimpse of a plot and that's all.

Now that the author gave us more information about the switching personality and how it affect his magic I found the idea more and more interesting.

So the story seems do deter from the original path I had predicted for her: pointless character bashing and continuous sarcarstic Harry.

Snarf
06-26-2007, 02:40 PM
I thought this story was hilarious, a beautiful twist on an over-used plot. It made me laugh, quite a bit, but then again I laughed at Mitch so my sense of humor may just be a bit strange.

Le
06-28-2007, 02:57 PM
I thought this was hilarious. Honestly, who cares if they make a little mistake like that? I didn't even notice until you pointed it out. Perhaps I'm not reading as carefully as you, but I still found quite a bit of enjoyment in it. Definitely 5/5 in my book.

Marie M
06-28-2007, 04:48 PM
Hilarious.

I want more.

Now

MysterioX
06-28-2007, 05:53 PM
LOL
Can't wait to see the Mafia King in action.
4.5/5

Marie M
07-02-2007, 09:24 AM
:D New chapter came out!

Unfortunately it's rather small and rashly-written.

I hope to see more soon.

Xiph0
07-02-2007, 12:12 PM
Added it to the DLP Humor C2, given it's move from FR to here.

Unfortunately it's rather small and rashly-written.Eh... 4kish words? Not that bad.

I liked it, more lulz. Heshe's also stopped some of the annoying shit from previous chapters, like overuse of he-SHE-it.

Kate
07-02-2007, 04:00 PM
That has got to be one of the best (in a funny kind of way) rewrites of the train trip I've seen in a while.

ip82
07-02-2007, 04:12 PM
Yeah, this story is just cool. As long as she keeps angst out (and there IS a setup for it, what with the whole MPD), this could turn out great.

Rainstorm
07-03-2007, 04:20 PM
Really fun story. Interesting and dynamic Harry with serious aspirations. My only worry is that the author either gets bored of the story or ends up overdoing the super Harry aspects which are emerging (silent stupefy as a first year?). Looking forward to seeing how things develop however, should be interesting.

Jamven
07-22-2007, 10:10 PM
Next chapter has been posted, seems to me more of a filler chapter than anything else.

Mage
07-29-2007, 01:40 AM
Great story so far, reminds me a lot of So Sue Me, hopefully it won't fall into the same rut. 5/5 so far but will wait to rate a little longer.

darthdavid
08-02-2007, 05:21 AM
4/5

Funny, well written but there are areas where it could improve and some of the ideas bug me.

Eristaz
08-06-2007, 10:40 PM
I love the Magic School Bus crack.

Klael
08-07-2007, 12:27 AM
It did seem to make an awkward turn from parody into a less-than-original attempt at a psychological drama. I'm nocking off a point from my earlier review (which I acknowledge I never actually gave). ANYWAY--it goes from a 3/5 to a 2/5. I am increasingly unimpressed with each chapter.

Dark Lord Slytherin
08-31-2007, 12:32 AM
I read as far as it was written a while ago and it was hilarious, I really hope the author continues writing it if they aren't already.

deathinapinkboa
09-04-2007, 08:35 PM
It's been updated. The lates chapter really isn't that wonderful, though there something vaguely entertaining with Draco and Ron.

Dark Minion
09-05-2007, 12:37 PM
All in all the last chapter is ok. It's not the best part of the story, but just because of the Ron/Draco moment I'd grant it 4/5 for this chapter and 4.5/5 for the whole story.

Amsuhl
10-29-2007, 03:22 AM
Well.
That's surprising.
I'd give it a 3.5/5 at most. It's rather rushed, the plot is poorly developed, and what was supposed to be a moderately short fic with a maximum of five chapters or so has turned into a monster.
I have no idea what to do with it. Advice?
And... does my name sound masculine? Because I'm female.

[KS18]Raziel44
11-03-2007, 09:34 AM
this is a really funny story so 5/5 from me

Andro
11-06-2007, 01:23 AM
Well.
That's surprising.
I'd give it a 3.5/5 at most. It's rather rushed, the plot is poorly developed, and what was supposed to be a moderately short fic with a maximum of five chapters or so has turned into a monster.
I have no idea what to do with it. Advice?
And... does my name sound masculine? Because I'm female.

Nice to see you joined up!

Amsuhl sounds decidedly masculine, I'm afraid to say

I agree with your self-analysis, but it's good humor nevertheless. I don't actually have any skill with humor, but you seemed to have it completely under control. This guy is very funny though: http://www.cracked.com/contributors/david-wong

Also, your ending to Storchlei? Best ending anyone could have asked for.

Garret P.I.
11-07-2007, 09:49 PM
Having read all the new chapters for this fic I have to say... I need to re-rate it.

I give it a 2.5 out of 5.

It's just not very good. Things got predictable, trite, and more or less unfunny.

In retrospect, I should have rated it a 3 or a 2.5 previously as well. The Grammar is okay, but the sheer lack problems I saw in the fic made it unworthy of the rating I gave it originally.

Amsuhl
11-10-2007, 12:21 AM
I still do have a long way to go, and humor isn't really my strong suit... well, I don't really have a strong suit.
Thanks, Andromalius, I had fun writing it. It is now deleting, and I may now rest in peace.
To you, too, Garret P.I., for your frank assessment of my fic.

Hadoren
11-10-2007, 01:35 AM
I'd advise you to keep the fic because there are people (like me) who like it. The quality of fanfiction is so low these days, so it's nice to get a decent fic.

I remember this guy called Dauphin who deleted one of my favorite fics: Let History Repeat Itself. That was disappointing.

Andro
11-10-2007, 02:05 AM
Is it in the Recycle Bin yahoo group?

Knoq
09-15-2014, 01:56 PM
Dead links abound. :(

Jpzh2d
09-16-2014, 06:32 PM
Holy shit! You must be a level 80 necromancer or something, cos that was a bloody amazing necro :)

Knoq
09-16-2014, 10:36 PM
Holy shit! You must be a level 80 necromancer or something, cos that was a bloody amazing necro :)
I like the premise of the fic and want to read it and Google fucked up on me. :o

headbanger
09-17-2014, 05:03 AM
Holy shit! You must be a level 80 necromancer or something, cos that was a bloody amazing necro :)

Nice mindless bandwagoning there, mate.

This is the library section, where constructive necros are encouraged, last time I checked.

Dark Minion
09-17-2014, 07:26 AM
Holy shit! You must be a level 80 necromancer or something, cos that was a bloody amazing necro :)

Knoq's message that the link is dead doesn't count as a necropost in the library.


And, yeah, the archive I linked in the first post has been moved a while ago and now is password protected. I'll look if I find the file and update the first post tonight.


EDIT: I uploaded the text as attachment to the first post of this thread.