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Oneshot The last dinosaur’s roar by IP82 - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by ip82, Aug 1, 2007.

  1. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Messages:
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    Title: The last dinosaur’s roar
    Author: IP82 (me)
    Genre: Drama/Angst
    DLP Category: Time Travel Fics
    Pairing: None
    Words: 11,070
    Published: June 31, 2007

    Status: One shot
    Rating: M
    Link: PostDH. ONESHOT. Harry sets himself on one last desperate quest to prevent the apocalyptic future. But will he have the guts to do what needs to be done, for the greater good? Dark!Harry

    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3693508/1/The_last_dinosaurs_roar

    A post-DH one shot I've been writing for the past few days. Could be a start of a real story, which I don't intend to write.

    It's un-beta'd at this point, so if someone is willing to give it a once-over, send me a PM.


    Checked by Minion, Nov. 28, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 28, 2012
  2. Klael

    Klael Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Very good; I like this unique visage of the post-apocalyptic world you've created. I'm about midway through, and I haven't really found anything that Iv='ve had trouble following. Typos and grammatical errors are there, but not too much of a problem.
     
  3. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

    Joined:
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    Florida, Sigh...
    Holy crap.
    I love yo... this story. Spelling errors be damned, this has such a great plot and an excellent work of fanfiction. 5/5

    *I am saddened that there is no dinosaurs.*
     
  4. The-Hyphenated-One

    The-Hyphenated-One Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Ya it is a great start to what should be a great story. I like how the tables have turned, and Harry is the one doing everything for the greater good, even if Dumbledore will never know it.

    There weren't any glaring mistakes, and it flowed nicely. Great attitude and mindset for Harry, and I can't wait to see the Dinamic Duo in action.

    If you need a beta, I would be happy to help out.
     
  5. malaga

    malaga Auror

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    New Zealand
    I don't know about turning it into a real story. If you did that you'd have to work out a plot, and whether Harry would be discovered. I think I prefer it like this, hinting rather than explicitly stating anything.

    *I also, was disappointed with the lack of dinosaurs*
     
  6. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    I agree that this story is best left as one-shot. But if someone else is interested in writing more chapters, I won't stop them.

    BTW, ZannyMuggle has agreed to beta it, so I'll soon post an improved version.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2007
  7. griselda

    griselda First Year

    Joined:
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    42
    It's a very intriguing plot-line. I'm not sure whether it should be continued or left as a one-shot. I think both could work quite well.

    The first person monologue was a bit awkward and/or too long-winded at times. Especially in the middle. Random example:

    The style is that of a preacher rather than spontaneous thoughts. It works well to describe Harry's frame of mind, as he is kind of preaching to himself. But it's a bit overdone imo. There are too many of those big and impressive metaphors of doom and destruction for first person pov. Maybe it could be balanced with some stream-of-consciousness in a different inner voice.
     
  8. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    I tried a few lines of sarcastic happy-go-lucky narration, but it didn't work well for me. This Harry is simply too angsty and dark for that style.

    Although, I could have eased off with continuous sentences. I figured that would leave an impression of someone's train of thoughts, instead of a planned essay. I guess I was wrong.
     
  9. KenderCleric

    KenderCleric Lord of Plot Bunnies

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    All in all I thought it was ok. I wouldn't try to turn it into a full story with the plot as-is though. It made for a decent one-shot, but it would take some serious modification, imo, to make a full story out of it.

    3/5
     
  10. Element

    Element Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2006
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    Location:
    England.
    Fantastic IP, as always. I'm stunned by the 3/5 given above - you must have remarkably high standards, KenderCleric. I'm glad you plan to keep it as a one-shot (barring others wanting to write more chapters) as it works extremely well as a one-shot. The premise and concept are wonderful, and the execution is superb. A truly original idea written brilliantly.
    5/5, no hesitation.
     
  11. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

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    Absolutely awesome fic, IP! Now I'm going to check out your other fics.

    5/5
     
  12. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    I liked it, save for poor poor Ariana. :(

    A(riana)F(an)C(lub) all the way!

    4/5. Great atmosphere, and interesting. And the minor spelling/grammar wasnt distracting.
     
  13. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    Very well written and nice plot behind it. I really liked this story. 5/5 for me.

    Richard.
     
  14. Vir

    Vir Centauri Ambassador ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I also loved this nice oneshot, I'd very much like to see more. Hell, I'd even like to add to whatever comes next.

    5/5
     
  15. Xanatos

    Xanatos Professor

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    Keep it as a one-shot, its amazing how it is and I feel you've done enough with this, its nice to leave the reader wandering if it will all work out.

    5/5 no doubt, well done.
     
  16. Vengashii

    Vengashii Banned

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    Amazing one shot. I definitely wouldn't mind seeing it continued in the same vein.

    One minor suggestion, though, would be changing Satanhunters to Devilhunters. Devilhunters flows better.

    4/5
     
  17. QuaziJoe

    QuaziJoe Dolphin Boy

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    As a member of the AFC I must call you a bastard for what you did to our beloved figurehead.

    But hot damn... that was good.

    This should have been the epilogue of DH. That would have made the series utterly epic.

    Good work

    +Rep
     
  18. Vengashii

    Vengashii Banned

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    The Pope would have excommunicated her and declared her the devil if she did that rofl
     
  19. QuaziJoe

    QuaziJoe Dolphin Boy

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    Is she catholic? Can they excomunicate her then... or would it even matter?

    She's practicly the mother of witchcraft in the eyes of alot of people because of the series... Don't even get me started on some of my more nuttyer religious friends.

    But this does bring up something I wouldn't mind getting addressed.

    How did the Church gain so much power in the story?

    I mean, to be able to legally hunt people down and murder families seems like quite the leap from bake sales and angrily worded letters to congress about gay rights.

    I'm not saying there aren't ways for it to be done... fictionally speaking. I'm just curious as you've already said you planned to keep this a one shot... how did you see this happening?

    Obviously I'm addressing IP82...
     
  20. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    Well, it's already happening right now. Look at the whole Islamic terrorism thing, Darwin getting banned from schools, fundamentalism getting back in trend everywhere. I just extrapolated this to 20 years into the future and thrown in the discovery of something that looks like the power of God (plus a group of people that are 'misusing' that power).

    Fear + paranoia would add to the grip on the government Church already had by that point, increasing its power until it was strong enough to pass laws giving itself formal power (the same way laws limiting various freedoms were passed on the wave of the fear of terrorism).

    And then, add to that short and brutal religion-powered war against the magical world and I can see how some sort of religious government could be given the absolute power 'until the current crises passes' (which it never does - like in Soviet Union).

    The ways for any such body to gain power are well known from history: fear + paranoia make people give up their freedom to some higher body, which then misuses that power for its own purposes. It happened before. It'll happening now. It'll happen in the future. Just the way world works.
     
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