Dark Lord Potter Forums
Go Back   Dark Lord Potter Forums > Library > Dark Arts
Donate Register Rules Library List IRC Chat FAQ Members List Social Groups Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Donate to DLP PatronusCharm Banner

 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-07-2012, 03:54 AM   #1
Sesc
Moderator
Slytherin at Heart
 
Sesc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hbg., Germany
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,401
Unatoned by SeriousScribble - M

Title: Unatoned
Author: SeriousScribble
Rating: M
Genre: Crime/Drama
DLP Category: Dark Arts
Pairing: Harry/Astoria, Harry/Daphne
Chapters: 23
Words: 103,724
Updated: Nov. 21, 2012
Published: June 27, 2012
Status: Complete


Summary:
Secrets of the war, a murder and a fatal attraction: After his victory over Voldemort, Harry became an Auror, and realised quickly that it wasn't at all like he had imagined. Changed by a long two-year war that has left scars, and disillusioned with the people and the Ministry, he takes on a last case. But when he starts digging deeper, his life takes a sudden turn and he discovers a fundamental truth: Nothing is more attractive than a dangerous woman Ö

AUish, Post-Hogwarts. Disregards most of DH. Harry/Astoria, Harry/Daphne.



Yeah. Figured I'd toss it up here as well. I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up quite polarising, but if you like a darker atmosphere, a dash of mystery and focus on character relations, give it a try. It's finished, updates are Wednesday and Saturday.


Checked by Minion, Nov. 25, 2012
__________________
I refuse to give you excuses for yourself, she said. If what I did is your problem, walk away. But you canít, can you? Not any more than I can.

Secrets of the war, a murder and a fatal attraction. And he has to struggle as hard as he ever did, lest that all might prove to be his undoing.

Unatoned, a Harry Potter Noir Story

________________________________
FF.net :: By That Last Candle's Light :: The French Affair :: Unatoned


I heard that you like the bad girls, honey,
Is that true?

Last edited by Dark Minion; 11-25-2012 at 09:28 AM.
Sesc is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-07-2012, 10:58 AM   #2
silentclock
Seventh Year
 
silentclock's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Kentucky
Gender: Male
Posts: 283
I suspect you're right about it being polarizing. But I love it.

The writing is technically outstanding. And there are parts, like when Harry's
Spoiler (highlight to show):
tripping on potions
that it reaches out of this world, oh my god it's good levels. If someone isn't sure whether they should read this fic, the quality of the writing alone should give them incentive to do so.

And Daphne. Oh my, Daphne. It's fairly well-known that I ship Harry/Daphne. But whenever I see that cliche, I can't help but cringe. And that's what you've got here. But it isn't. What so many other fics have said, yours delivers on. And I like it. I can't imagine that I'd ever want to read another fic with a Daphne, or any love interest, done like this, but in this one, I like it. Her relationship with Harry intrigues me. And I can't help but thinking that they deserve each other.

Finally, the atmosphere. I'm a big fan of noir, and Raymond Chandler. What impresses me most about this fic is how good a job you do at creating that dark, gritty, snarky, noir feel. You fucking nail it.It's an easy 5/5 from me.
silentclock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2012, 02:59 PM   #3
Taure
God of Magic
~Soap Box~
 
Taure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,127
DLP Supporter Donor Star
The kind of fic that is frustrating until its conclusion.

However, it's undeniably brilliant. The quality of the writing alone would earn it a 5/5, regardless of the plot.
Taure is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2012, 04:37 AM   #4
Korisovra
Dark Lord
 
Korisovra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: At your mothers house
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,158
Send a message via AIM to Korisovra Send a message via MSN to Korisovra Send a message via Yahoo to Korisovra
a definite 5/5.
__________________
Harry sighed, wiping a tired hand across his face. "I understand why you did what you did, Bruce. The point is you didn't need to blow up three buses, two boats, a nunnery, and a toy poodle."


"I don't like poodles," muttered Batman, looking rather like a child being scolded.



Korisovra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-2012, 08:44 AM   #5
Euro
Fifth Year
 
Euro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Beergium.
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 179
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Fucking awesome. 5/5.
__________________
Euro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-2012, 05:07 PM   #6
Clerith
Dark Lord
 
Clerith's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Finland
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,064
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Send a message via MSN to Clerith
You already know what I think about this. Excellent writing and atmosphere, but Harry is too bland and Daphne too super.

4/5.
Clerith is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-2012, 07:58 PM   #7
Anarchy
Avatar
 
Anarchy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: NJ
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,769
DLP Supporter Donor Star
The writing in this is great, the perfect blend of story telling and mystery. But, I find the plot it's uninspiring and not that great, and the characters are pretty lackluster. It's a prettied up HP/DG story, but aside from spectacular writing, there's just not that much substance beyond that. I just wish there was more to it to really make it stand out, because it's pretty much just the same stuff we've seen a thousand times, just prettied up. I can't help but want a bit more than that, since you've shown yourself to be clearly capable of doing it.

4/5
__________________
"Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight everything with fire."
óJaya Ballard, task mage
Anarchy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-23-2012, 08:23 PM   #8
Zircon
Avatar
Avatar of Hobo Penis
 
Zircon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Seattle
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,602
6 of fucking 5, this shit is professional grade shit, like... Hammet or Scribble? who is better?
__________________
~Undergoing Improvement Measures~

Zircon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-2012, 04:24 PM   #9
Kensington
Dark Lord
 
Kensington's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: West Coast
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,178
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Send a message via AIM to Kensington
The problem I have reading this story, is that it reads too much like a published mystery novel. And I have the nasty habit of reading the end of a mystery novel first, which I couldn't do with this story (I actually haven't read the WIP thread).

Sesc, your story is awesome. I'd be pretty excited to read your work if you published an original novel.

5/5 for sheer quality.
__________________

HIVE TULLY
SWARM. ANNIHILATION. TROUT.
Kensington is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-2012, 06:02 PM   #10
Andro
God of Magic
 
Andro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,938
DLP Supporter Donor Star
This is a classic and one of the best stories to be written in the entire phase of HP fanfiction after Independent!Harry died out. This is outstanding writing, and in many ways it's a beautiful story, with its own world.

There's truth to the criticicsm of Harry and Daphne. The noir trappings really hurt Harry's characterization, relugating him to the bland gumshoe. The way he acts, reacts, feels, thinks... the detective protagonist was the most unwelcome and disappointing thing to come out of Sesc's noir inspiration.

But even so, this is exceptional.

5/5.
__________________
My FFNet profile: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1222500/en-extase
Andro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-27-2012, 10:47 AM   #11
TripticWriter
Seventh Year
 
TripticWriter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: France
Gender: Male
Posts: 289
I wasn't going to rate this, considering the mixed feeling I get from it but I believe in balance and there is just too much praise for this work.

All the talks about the plot being irrelevant in face of the spectacular writing kind of annoy me. I get it, really, because it's a little like reading a manga only for the drawing or going out with someone just because they look nice.

But it shouldn't be enough for the near perfect rating you are giving it. And as well as Sesc writes, it feels spectacular because we are used to read much much worse.

When I read the story I don't think:
"What a fucking awesome story, the writing is really top notch. It's a bit of a shame that the protagonists disgust me, the character interrogation piss me of and I feel like the world makes no sense! But eh, it looks nice so I dig that".
But more "the story's protagonists make me want to tear my hairs out of frustration, their interaction which is suppose to be a dangerous but sophisticated dance between two intelligent, subtle, mature, powerful and intriguing characters only feels artificial, complicated to the point of inconsistency and illogical. At least it's well written."

But as I said in the WbA, I can see the end being its saving grace. So for now I rate it 2/5 but at least I feel like the story cans only get better.
__________________
TripticWriter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-27-2012, 06:42 PM   #12
Bill Door
Dark Lord
 
Bill Door's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Behind You
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,240
Quote:
Originally Posted by TripticWriter View Post
I wasn't going to rate this, considering the mixed feeling I get from it but I believe in balance and there is just too much praise for this work.
Personally, I'd say that there can't be enough praise for this. I think I've said enough times in the Wba thread how much I love this, so I won't go into all that. But I will say that this is, by a huge margin, my favourite fic in progress at the moment. It deserves about 10/5, but I think I'll stick with just 5.
__________________


I'm a leaf on the wind,

Watch how I soar.

Bill Door is online now   Reply With Quote
Thumbs Up 1 Thumb Up
Old 07-29-2012, 05:24 PM   #13
OneSimpleIdea
First Year
 
OneSimpleIdea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Philadelphia
Gender: Male
Posts: 52
There's not much magic involved, but I'm a sucker for noir fiction. Great characterization of Daphne as has been said before.

5/5

EDIT: Quick question Sesc - the story isn't over as of Chapter 10 is it? I might have mis-interpreted your FFN profile but it says "Unatoned, Finished, 96,000 Words" - that doesn't mean the story is over right?

Last edited by OneSimpleIdea; 07-30-2012 at 10:29 PM.
OneSimpleIdea is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-20-2012, 01:00 PM   #14
Zeelthor
Dark Lord
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,242
I don't like the directions the story is heading and you almost entirely lack likeable characters. That said, the writing is bloody excellent.
__________________
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.

Joss Whedon
Zeelthor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-21-2012, 06:57 AM   #15
Luckylee
The Luckiest Lee
 
Luckylee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NYC
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,444
Sometimes Harry seems rather weak and submissive, but I love your noir type writing so much 5/5.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalas View Post
Luckylee the gangsta. Drive by killin, no fucks givin.

/filler
Luckylee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 08:27 PM   #16
Sesc
Moderator
Slytherin at Heart
 
Sesc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hbg., Germany
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,401
For those who wanted to read it one sitting, all but the final chapter is now up in the WBA. The last chapter will be posted this week, so now is the time to start reading

I'd love feedback that looks at the story as a whole, from reading it in one go.
__________________
I refuse to give you excuses for yourself, she said. If what I did is your problem, walk away. But you canít, can you? Not any more than I can.

Secrets of the war, a murder and a fatal attraction. And he has to struggle as hard as he ever did, lest that all might prove to be his undoing.

Unatoned, a Harry Potter Noir Story

________________________________
FF.net :: By That Last Candle's Light :: The French Affair :: Unatoned


I heard that you like the bad girls, honey,
Is that true?
Sesc is online now   Reply With Quote
Thumbs Up 1 Thumb Up
Old 10-24-2012, 03:19 AM   #17
Innomine
Denarii Host
 
Innomine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Melbourne
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,027
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Send a message via AIM to Innomine Send a message via MSN to Innomine
Right, time to start reading. I've been looking forward to this a while, and I shall enjoy it.
__________________
She's the gorgeous mortal avatar of the sum of all human knowledge. He's a snarky dimension-hopping wizard chosen one.

THEY FIGHT MEMORY-EATING MOON VAMPIRES. IN FAIRYLAND. ON THE MOON.

Innomine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-25-2012, 09:40 PM   #18
Sn0rkack
Professor
 
Sn0rkack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Long Island - 631
Gender: Male
Posts: 319
So good. Probably the best Harry and Daphne story ever made - sorry Silentclock! I get...like this imagery in my head when I read it. Like in chapter 19, everything is in black and white and gray, yet when Daphne pops up and she's in her red dress and makeup, she's like completely in color, ya know?

This story just has this old school crime feel that is awesome. Only other story I ever got it from was Case 129. When I think about it what comes to mind is Sin City.

Well, can't wait for the ending, such an awesome story. 5/5 no doubt
Sn0rkack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-27-2012, 09:42 PM   #19
Sesc
Moderator
Slytherin at Heart
 
Sesc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hbg., Germany
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,401
Last chapter is up. There's a short epilogue left, and then that's it. Feel free to comment here or there -- write lots of TL;DR's about anything you can think of! There's 100k words to pick apart! And if you can't think of anything, write that too!
__________________
I refuse to give you excuses for yourself, she said. If what I did is your problem, walk away. But you canít, can you? Not any more than I can.

Secrets of the war, a murder and a fatal attraction. And he has to struggle as hard as he ever did, lest that all might prove to be his undoing.

Unatoned, a Harry Potter Noir Story

________________________________
FF.net :: By That Last Candle's Light :: The French Affair :: Unatoned


I heard that you like the bad girls, honey,
Is that true?
Sesc is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-12-2012, 12:03 PM   #20
Rache
Headmaster
 
Rache's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: DLP
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Posts: 949
I re-read the entire 100k words of your 'Noir' murder mystery again. 4/5 definitely. This is probably the best Harry/Daphne story I've had the pleasure of reading.

The only problem I have with your Harry is that he is too weak and submissive.

Any plans to remap the characterization of Harry? Of course the canon! Harry was the same pussy. He even names his son after the person who tormented him throughout his school days and the person who set him up to die. Harry seriously needs to grow a pair.

So yeah, except Harry being submissive and always trying to settle for mediocrity, I loved the story.
__________________
Horcruxes- Gotta catch 'em all.
Rache is offline   Reply With Quote
Thumbs Up 1 Thumb Up

Tags
author:seriousscribble, author:sesc, daphne/astoria, harry/astoria, harry/daphne, post-hogwarts


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
WIP - The French Affair by SeriousScribble - M - [Harry/Fleur] Sesc General Fics 17 04-17-2009 06:01 AM
Abandoned - Flawed Perfection, by SeriousScribble -T - Eragon deathinapinkboa Books 3 04-09-2009 01:41 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:09 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2005 - 2011 Darklordpotter.net. All rights reserved.
No personal intellectual property on this site may be used without the credit and express permission of the respective authors.