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Old 08-17-2012, 04:43 PM   #41
Aekiel
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nauro View Post
~snip~
Well, I'm not overly fond of any of the ways you posted. If I were to write that sentence I would go for:

"Watch the face, I don't want to..." She caught the ball and threw it back, "get it bruised."

The way you have it written in the examples implies that you want the first bit of speech to happen, followed by the action and the second bit of speech, which happen simultaneously. You also want to imply that there's a brief pause between the two, where the character pauses to catch the ball and prepare her throw, which is then followed by the throw itself and her reply. That's the purpose of the ellipses; to show a short pause between pieces of dialogue (or a trailing off of words, but that's entirely contextual and not relevant in this case).

Anyway, that's how I'd write it.
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Old 08-17-2012, 05:41 PM   #42
Taure
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I use one of these two, depending on how I'm feeling.

5. "Watch the face, I don't want to" -she caught the ball and threw it back- "get it bruised."

6. "Watch the face, I don't want to-" she caught the ball and threw it back "-get it bruised."

However, number 5 has a mistake. Speech must always end with punctuation, so it should be:

5. "Watch the face, I don't want to," -she caught the ball and threw it back- "get it bruised."
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Old 08-22-2012, 05:17 PM   #43
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I would have written it as:

"Watch the face. I don't want to," she caught the ball and threw it back. "Get it bruised."

I would assume there is a full stop after face. Then 'I don't want to get it bruised'... however, the physical exertion of throwing it back causes a second pause.


But I'm no expert. That's just the way I would have written it.
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Old 08-24-2012, 03:35 AM   #44
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I'd probably feel tempted to split it up in that example.

"Watch the face. I don't want to-" She caught the ball and threw it back.

"-get it bruised," she finished.

Or something like that, anyway.
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Old 01-12-2013, 01:24 AM   #45
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First sorry for necro, but I haven't seen a straight answer. Is there, in fact, a proper way of typing an instance like Nauro's? I mean one commonly excepted as fact and not based on stylistic choices. I ask because I've seen all of them applied, but according to my English101 professor #6 from Taure's post is the right way to do it.

However, I do live in Florida, and fully realize that we *cough* cem to mak our own rulez fer the amurican laungwage *cough* sorry my inner southerner came out. However my point stands, regardless of what is excepted by my teachers/college is there a designated way to perform that action when writing a story?
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Old 01-12-2013, 02:01 AM   #46
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Is there, in fact, a proper way of typing an instance like Nauro's?
The best solution is to not construct such a sentence.

Last edited by Agravaine; 01-12-2013 at 02:07 AM.
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Old 08-15-2013, 09:52 PM   #47
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I just found this. Pretty good stuff - The Music of Speech
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Old 08-17-2013, 10:30 AM   #48
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Sorry, double post
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Old 08-17-2013, 12:00 PM   #49
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Most of it's fairly standard stuff. However, this part was good:
Quote:
The king was barely listening. He didn’t need a battle report to know where things stood. He stared at the map of his kingdom, once so vast and protected by mountains to the north and by the sea to the east and west. For years, the mountains had kept the Norlanders at bay, but no more.

“Enough!” He slammed his fist on the table. Maps went flying, flagons overturned, and his counselors just stared at him. Within the walls of his city, even deep in the mountain stronghold of his war room, the king saw that his counselors, like his people, were weary of war.

He would listen to no more talk. Talk would not save them.


This scene also uses the “free, indirect” style of interior dialogue. Written in third-person past tense and in words the character might use when actually speaking, the free, indirect style keeps us inside the character's mind and heart. We didn't interrupt the action with quotation marks around the king's thoughts, and we didn't need tags like “he thought” or “he wondered”. Nor did we need a clunky point of view shift from “he” to “I” or even clunkier italics like, The king stared at the map. My counselors are weary, he thought. All they do is talk.

Both the italics and the POV shift reveal the writer’s hand at work rather than the character’s thoughts and feelings. To keep from breaking the spell, you want a seamless connection between the main character’s inner and outer worlds--just as in real life. The free, indirect style is the perfect way to pull that off.
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Old 08-17-2013, 05:53 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taure View Post
However, number 5 has a mistake. Speech must always end with punctuation, so it should be:

5. "Watch the face, I don't want to," -she caught the ball and threw it back- "get it bruised."
I know this is a few months old, but I'm wondering where you got this from, because from what I've read, it's not always true. if there's a break in the longer sentence, rather than the speech, then the emdash falls outside the quote mark without any intervening marks. The same is true for colons, semicolons, and question marks, if the speech is part of a larger sentence.
"Wait, what are you—" the Bludger cracked him across the face "—doing." vs. "Wait, what are you"—the Bludger narrowly missed, but he paid it no attention—"doing?"
Question marks can also go outside quotes, even in speech, depending on the larger sentence.
Did she really mean it when she said, "I really don't care anymore"? Maybe she did. "Joan, is that. . .
I'm getting this form the Chicago Manual of Style, but I know there's a lot of different style manuals out there and wondered if you picked it up from a different (newer) one, or maybe even from a publishing house.
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:08 PM   #51
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There's a difference between quotation and narrative speech. A quotation doesn't necessarily end in punctuation, speech does. This, for example, isn't an example of speech but quotation:

Quote:
Did she really mean it when she said, "I really don't care anymore"? Maybe she did. "Joan, is that. . .
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Old 08-17-2013, 08:46 PM   #52
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Quote:
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There's a difference between quotation and narrative speech. A quotation doesn't necessarily end in punctuation, speech does. This, for example, isn't an example of speech but quotation:
Ahh, so you were referring to direct speech, rather than remembered speech (quotation). That takes care of pretty much everything. The only exception I can think of then, is the break in the longer sentence where there's an em-dash after quotes, rather than before them like illustrated below.

Thanks Taure, I was wondering after I read that.
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