Dark Lord Potter Forums
Go Back   Dark Lord Potter Forums > FanFiction Extras > FanFic Discussion
Donate Register Rules Library List IRC Chat FAQ Members List Social Groups Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Donate to DLP PatronusCharm Banner

 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-17-2012, 05:43 PM   #41
Aekiel
Master of Merrill
People Die when they are Killed
 
Aekiel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: North East England
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,783
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nauro View Post
~snip~
Well, I'm not overly fond of any of the ways you posted. If I were to write that sentence I would go for:

"Watch the face, I don't want to..." She caught the ball and threw it back, "get it bruised."

The way you have it written in the examples implies that you want the first bit of speech to happen, followed by the action and the second bit of speech, which happen simultaneously. You also want to imply that there's a brief pause between the two, where the character pauses to catch the ball and prepare her throw, which is then followed by the throw itself and her reply. That's the purpose of the ellipses; to show a short pause between pieces of dialogue (or a trailing off of words, but that's entirely contextual and not relevant in this case).

Anyway, that's how I'd write it.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Custer
We're holding out for more SasuNaru goodness.
Because you can't, you won't and you don't stop ~ The Beastie Muppets
Aekiel is offline   Reply With Quote
Thumbs Up 1 Thumb Up
Old 08-17-2012, 06:41 PM   #42
Taure
God of Magic
~Soap Box~
 
Taure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,103
DLP Supporter Donor Star
I use one of these two, depending on how I'm feeling.

5. "Watch the face, I don't want to" -she caught the ball and threw it back- "get it bruised."

6. "Watch the face, I don't want to-" she caught the ball and threw it back "-get it bruised."

However, number 5 has a mistake. Speech must always end with punctuation, so it should be:

5. "Watch the face, I don't want to," -she caught the ball and threw it back- "get it bruised."
Taure is offline   Reply With Quote
Thumbs Up 1 Thumb Up
Old 08-22-2012, 06:17 PM   #43
Don E. Delivery
God of Magic
 
Don E. Delivery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,586
I would have written it as:

"Watch the face. I don't want to," she caught the ball and threw it back. "Get it bruised."

I would assume there is a full stop after face. Then 'I don't want to get it bruised'... however, the physical exertion of throwing it back causes a second pause.


But I'm no expert. That's just the way I would have written it.
Don E. Delivery is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2012, 04:35 AM   #44
Blazzano
Unspeakable
 
Blazzano's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 751
I'd probably feel tempted to split it up in that example.

"Watch the face. I don't want to-" She caught the ball and threw it back.

"-get it bruised," she finished.

Or something like that, anyway.
Blazzano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 02:24 AM   #45
GrayFox
Fifth Year
 
GrayFox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: God's waiting room
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 190
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Send a message via AIM to GrayFox Send a message via Skype™ to GrayFox
First sorry for necro, but I haven't seen a straight answer. Is there, in fact, a proper way of typing an instance like Nauro's? I mean one commonly excepted as fact and not based on stylistic choices. I ask because I've seen all of them applied, but according to my English101 professor #6 from Taure's post is the right way to do it.

However, I do live in Florida, and fully realize that we *cough* cem to mak our own rulez fer the amurican laungwage *cough* sorry my inner southerner came out. However my point stands, regardless of what is excepted by my teachers/college is there a designated way to perform that action when writing a story?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jormungandr View Post
'Listen up, Green Eyes; i'm going to finish reading this chapter of Hogwarts: A History, gut that annoying shit Weasley for taking the piss out of me after DADA, and then you and i are going to do the mumbo in the broom closet, capiche?'
GrayFox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2013, 03:01 AM   #46
Agravaine
Second Year
 
Agravaine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New England
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Posts: 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by OriginalGentleman View Post
Is there, in fact, a proper way of typing an instance like Nauro's?
The best solution is to not construct such a sentence.

Last edited by Agravaine; 01-12-2013 at 03:07 AM.
Agravaine is offline   Reply With Quote
Thumbs Up 1 Thumb Up
Old 08-15-2013, 10:52 PM   #47
AlbusPHolmes
Minister of Magic
 
AlbusPHolmes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 651
I just found this. Pretty good stuff - The Music of Speech
__________________
Blue sparks of electricity zipped and leapt across Grindelwald’s silvern skin, and Dumbledore watched, astonished, as the bright, shimmering argent hue bled away, restoring his flesh to its natural light-bronze consistency again.

Gellert grinned and wagged the Elder Wand like a finger. "Now, now, that was just uncalled for."

* * * * *

Coming soon - THE LAST STAND
AlbusPHolmes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2013, 11:30 AM   #48
AlbusPHolmes
Minister of Magic
 
AlbusPHolmes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 651
Sorry, double post
__________________
Blue sparks of electricity zipped and leapt across Grindelwald’s silvern skin, and Dumbledore watched, astonished, as the bright, shimmering argent hue bled away, restoring his flesh to its natural light-bronze consistency again.

Gellert grinned and wagged the Elder Wand like a finger. "Now, now, that was just uncalled for."

* * * * *

Coming soon - THE LAST STAND
AlbusPHolmes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2013, 01:00 PM   #49
Taure
God of Magic
~Soap Box~
 
Taure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,103
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Most of it's fairly standard stuff. However, this part was good:
Quote:
The king was barely listening. He didn’t need a battle report to know where things stood. He stared at the map of his kingdom, once so vast and protected by mountains to the north and by the sea to the east and west. For years, the mountains had kept the Norlanders at bay, but no more.

“Enough!” He slammed his fist on the table. Maps went flying, flagons overturned, and his counselors just stared at him. Within the walls of his city, even deep in the mountain stronghold of his war room, the king saw that his counselors, like his people, were weary of war.

He would listen to no more talk. Talk would not save them.


This scene also uses the “free, indirect” style of interior dialogue. Written in third-person past tense and in words the character might use when actually speaking, the free, indirect style keeps us inside the character's mind and heart. We didn't interrupt the action with quotation marks around the king's thoughts, and we didn't need tags like “he thought” or “he wondered”. Nor did we need a clunky point of view shift from “he” to “I” or even clunkier italics like, The king stared at the map. My counselors are weary, he thought. All they do is talk.

Both the italics and the POV shift reveal the writer’s hand at work rather than the character’s thoughts and feelings. To keep from breaking the spell, you want a seamless connection between the main character’s inner and outer worlds--just as in real life. The free, indirect style is the perfect way to pull that off.
Taure is offline   Reply With Quote
Thumbs Up 1 Thumb Up
Old 08-17-2013, 06:53 PM   #50
E. C. Scrubb
Avatar
 
E. C. Scrubb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,492
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taure View Post
However, number 5 has a mistake. Speech must always end with punctuation, so it should be:

5. "Watch the face, I don't want to," -she caught the ball and threw it back- "get it bruised."
I know this is a few months old, but I'm wondering where you got this from, because from what I've read, it's not always true. if there's a break in the longer sentence, rather than the speech, then the emdash falls outside the quote mark without any intervening marks. The same is true for colons, semicolons, and question marks, if the speech is part of a larger sentence.
"Wait, what are you—" the Bludger cracked him across the face "—doing." vs. "Wait, what are you"—the Bludger narrowly missed, but he paid it no attention—"doing?"
Question marks can also go outside quotes, even in speech, depending on the larger sentence.
Did she really mean it when she said, "I really don't care anymore"? Maybe she did. "Joan, is that. . .
I'm getting this form the Chicago Manual of Style, but I know there's a lot of different style manuals out there and wondered if you picked it up from a different (newer) one, or maybe even from a publishing house.
E. C. Scrubb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2013, 07:08 PM   #51
Taure
God of Magic
~Soap Box~
 
Taure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,103
DLP Supporter Donor Star
There's a difference between quotation and narrative speech. A quotation doesn't necessarily end in punctuation, speech does. This, for example, isn't an example of speech but quotation:

Quote:
Did she really mean it when she said, "I really don't care anymore"? Maybe she did. "Joan, is that. . .
Taure is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2013, 09:46 PM   #52
E. C. Scrubb
Avatar
 
E. C. Scrubb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,492
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taure View Post
There's a difference between quotation and narrative speech. A quotation doesn't necessarily end in punctuation, speech does. This, for example, isn't an example of speech but quotation:
Ahh, so you were referring to direct speech, rather than remembered speech (quotation). That takes care of pretty much everything. The only exception I can think of then, is the break in the longer sentence where there's an em-dash after quotes, rather than before them like illustrated below.

Thanks Taure, I was wondering after I read that.
E. C. Scrubb is offline   Reply With Quote

Tags
sticky


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Write a brilliant fic.... Seratin Flash and Spam Games 6 04-04-2008 07:26 PM
Is it me or did she really write this?! Link General Discussion 7 12-21-2007 12:15 PM
Hello! Hmm... What to write... zanno Introduction Archives [Closed] 19 01-17-2007 06:32 PM
Don't write another, please! Yarrgh! General Discussion 33 03-01-2006 03:16 PM
I might write a fic... Spacks FanFic Discussion 7 01-20-2006 09:59 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:41 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2005 - 2011 Darklordpotter.net. All rights reserved.
No personal intellectual property on this site may be used without the credit and express permission of the respective authors.