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Old 02-23-2006, 03:49 PM   #1
ip82
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Control by Fatpunk - K+

Title: Control
Author: Fatpunk
Rating: K+
Genre: Action/Adventure
Status: WIP (slow updates but long chapters)
Pairings: H/Hermione OR H/Daphne Greengrass OR some combination of these two
Summary: What if Harry Potter knew what he was when he was young? What if he went to hogwarts with his eyes wide open? my first fic so reviews would be great
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2454336/1/

Solid 1st year AU. Harry finds his parent's trunk in the Private Drive's attic and gets transported to Potter's mansion, where he lives surrounded by house elves and other creatures... until he receives an invitation to Hogwarts.

This is pretty much Super!Harry, not so much for his over the roof magical powers (although he's certainly not lacking), but for his perfect Garry-Stu character - hardworking, athletic, smart, powerful etc... Take any good characteristic or unique power you can think of, and there's good chance that this Harry will have it. His friends are Hermione (Ravenclaw) and Daphne (Slytherin), while Ron is your standard jealous idiot.

Upsides are solid writing style (if you overlook typing errors), powerful and smart Harry and well-rounded plot (something for everyone).

Downside is unoriginality - there’s nothing in this story to separate it from tons of others. Prank war, secret room, Animagus training, PS plot, slightly manipulative Dumbledore... it’s all nice, but pretty much standard stuff one would expect from a story like this. Furthermore, the plot is much too dragged out for the amount of stuff happening here - he should have either cut off most of the filler and moved faster through the book, or inserted some more original plots and subplots.

To conclude, this is a solid Super!Independent!Harry AU story, but it misses that certain extra something to make it into a really great fiction. Close, but no cigar.
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Old 02-23-2006, 03:51 PM   #2
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I've been following this fic for a while and i'd agree. Not great, bot bad. Updates are Waaay too slow though
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Old 02-23-2006, 04:00 PM   #3
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Meh, Its alright nothing special. Its hard to be original these days.

But this...

Quote:
If Harry was stunned before it was nothing to say how he was now. The logical part of him said that this couldn’t be true but his heart said it was all true. In the Harry decided on a test. If when he made his declaration the trunk changed he would have no choice but to believe the letter.

Screwing up his courage Harry took a deep breath and said;

“I am Harry James Potter, Son of James, Son of Lily” and with that his world changed forever.
Has got to be the LAMEST end to a chapter ever.
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Old 02-23-2006, 06:21 PM   #4
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I never really liked this story. It just didn't really click with me.
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Old 02-23-2006, 06:44 PM   #5
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meh its good to pass the time.
i dislike how after 2 days of knowing hermionie and daphne he goes and spills all of his secrets to them. I mean it would have been fine had trust been built but i mean i dont go telling my secrets to strangers i just met on the 1st day of school.
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Old 02-23-2006, 06:48 PM   #6
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This story just goes to prove what Ive been fearing would occur because of we are now forced to post/read substandard stories before HBP this shite would have never even touched this site. With a few exceptions IMO HBP ruined our standard of reading think about it, first you decided to read a stuper harry out of boredom awaiting all those authors on your profile to update, But days turned to weeks weeks turned to months and this is what its come to Hell, were all thats probably left that aren't zombiefied update soon pro-ginny/draco buttfuck fans. If this is the new standard of fics out there we'll soon be dinosaurs rereading old stories , don't lie i bet youv'e already started doing it I know I have God/George Carlin help us

this is truly a series of unfortunate events

P.S. this excludes the good authors out there, Most of which belong to this site
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Old 02-23-2006, 07:15 PM   #7
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1) This story is not as bad as you make it out to be - it's not the best story in the world, but it's more than adequate. I've been following it since chapter 3, and that was way before HBP was published.

2) Things are not as bad as you make them out to be. I usually find at least one new chapter to read each day, but usually several. I agree there are bunch of stupid stories cluttering FFN, but HP fandom is so large that there are always at least 40-50 active stories that I can follow, plus 20-30 more that are good, but I personally don't like.
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Old 02-27-2006, 12:07 PM   #8
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There are a couple if small cliches in this story, but overall I really liked it. I haven't complteted reading it, but as of now I really like it. Plus, the writting's not that bad.
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Old 03-03-2006, 11:04 PM   #9
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presonally i dont like itbut

personally i dont like it simply because its going too well not to mention i hate h/hr but hey maybe ive been spoiled from books lkike earl of north and independence of a hero
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Old 03-04-2006, 09:40 AM   #10
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It wasn't a bad story. I read it a long time ago when the cliche's in it weren't as obvious as they are now. I reread it recently and decided that while I still like it, it isn't one of my favorites as it was back then.

We seriously do need some new material, though. I'm typing up whatever plotlines I can think of, challenges, and the sort to try to find something people will want to write and are somewhat "new". I've had a little luck, but I've yet to post anything anywhere.
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Old 03-04-2006, 10:19 AM   #11
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I read it a while back and liked it. but I`ve found that Harry seems to good to be true and never seems to be in wrong about anything which sometimes gets to me.

I agree with Exile, something new must come soon.
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Old 03-04-2006, 04:08 PM   #12
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read a few chapters long time ago. it sucks.
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Old 03-05-2006, 01:40 AM   #13
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Its a great start to the story
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Old 04-14-2006, 08:41 PM   #14
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Cliche, cliche, cliche. Everywhere I look all i see is cliche. Heir of Merlin? Common. What next, pyromaniacs?
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Old 04-15-2006, 05:41 AM   #15
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I remember reading this story. Vividly. It's not bad, in fact I could really get into it... If it werent for the nearly absolute lack of writing skill. Not that I could do better, mind, but the dialogue is... non-existent. Words thrown together like noone's business. The ideas, although a bit cliche, are not that bad, but it's nearly unreadable. Maybe a competent beta-reader and possibly a rewrite might fix this.

Ok, I started reading the last chapter, and it's like entering a new world. Solid grammar and style (comparativly speaking) and the words flow... 8) I think I should go back and refresh my memory of this.
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Old 04-15-2006, 10:43 AM   #16
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I checked the chapter where he was sorted, so i decided that if he was placedin Slytherin, I was going to read the story
(Spoiler)
Quote:
“This maybe true but the odds of me being accepted if I’m a Slytherin. Something needs to change in the world for Slytherin’s to be accepted. I think destiny has decided for me and I need acceptance, for everyone’s sake, especially mine” Harry replied becoming less and less confidant throughout his monologue.

The hat accepted his explanation without question “in that case best be GRYFFINDOR!” shouting the house to the whole school “you need to start somewhere” the hat thought to Harry as a final note.
(end spoiler)

OMFG, so LAAAAAAME!
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Old 04-16-2006, 11:54 AM   #17
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Speaking of beta readers, how do they work? Do you send in your chapter, they make the changes and send it back or what?
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Old 04-16-2006, 12:07 PM   #18
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This story is alright I think. Well written and fairly good characterization. Problem is the lack of things happening except for Harry being a friend of the Slytherin Daphne. The K+ rating probably will hurt the story, a lot, in the long run.

tridentwatch, question is probably better in the fanfiction threat, but you are about right, though different betas have different standards. The general rule of thumb is that when you send a draft to your beta, it should be more more or ready for online viewing already. I would also recommend that you talk with your beta regularly over MSN, AIM or ICQ so that he/she feels involved. It gives you guys the chance to flush out any problems the story may have immediately as opposed to sending emails back and forth.
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Old 04-16-2006, 05:20 PM   #19
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Betas sound like hard work
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Old 04-16-2006, 05:39 PM   #20
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To cliche for my taste.
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