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Old 02-24-2009, 10:18 AM   #1
uriel
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Cuckolding at Shell Cottage - Cloneserpents - M/NC17

Title: Cuckolding at Shell Cottage
Author: cloneserpents
Rating: M
Genre: Parody/Romance
Words: 8,516
Published: February 16, 2009
Pairing: Harry/Fleur/Hermione (arguably the main pairing)
Status: Complete (One chapter)
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4867943/..._Shell_Cottage

Summary: All is not as it seems in the Epilogue. HP/HG-W/FD-W – Affair Fic – PURE SMUT!

----
Story's been out for a week, did a quick search haven't seen it posted.. so here it is for review.

Basically cloneserpents version of the epilogue at the end of DH, involving Harry, Fleur and Hermione. If you've read Sword of Gryffindor.. then you should know what to expect

Edit: Forgot to put rating on the tread title. Can someone fix that? Can I?


Checked: July 30, 2012

Last edited by Dark Minion; 07-30-2012 at 03:46 PM.
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Old 02-24-2009, 10:52 AM   #2
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Quote:
Balling her hands into tight fists, Fleur growled and announced in frustration; “I am so randy right now, I could fuck a goat!”

“A goat?” asked Hermione, thinking that Fleur, who still had not mastered the English language, had accidentally chosen the wrong word.

“Oui, a goat, a chčvre,” the blonde said, a deep, disappointed frown marring her gorgeous features. “Even a lowly farm animal would give me more attention and affection than my husband.”

“While the goat’s fucking you, I’ll bag one of the sheep,” added Harry, sourly. He took the bottle of firewhiskey away from Fleur and gulped down two mouthfuls. “It’ll move a hell of a lot more than Ginny and it’ll bleat louder, too.”
lololol 5/5
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Old 02-24-2009, 11:21 AM   #3
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Great smut, just like a trademark cloneserpents story. Liked it. Ginsluts reaction to cunnilingus was pure win by the way.....

5/5
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Old 02-24-2009, 11:23 AM   #4
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I don't care for smut much, but DAMN, that was good. Fucking hilarious in every way (and pardon the terrible pun).

5/5
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Old 02-24-2009, 11:42 AM   #5
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Err ... what?

I read the story earlier. While I did laugh, it was not in a good way. I don't care if the author wrote it intentionally that way or not, scenes like
Quote:
“I’m gonna fucking cum! OH BLOODY HELL! I’m gonna fucking cum!” screamed Hermione. “SHAG MY HOT, WET CUNNY!”
are just retarded. That's worst AFF level, and decidedly not good smut.

Also, it was too long. I found myself loosing interest rapidly after the half or so. Ginny-bashing ... well, if you care for it, I guess. I don't, and since it's missing the fun aspects of our kill-offs, it doesn't really make the story better.

Quote:
He knew at the time he had asked the red-head to be his bride out of guilt – he had wronged the Weasley family by having an affair with Bill’s wife and he was attempting to make reprimands by marrying Ginny.
This is stupid as well, btw. It does not make sense. It's exemplary for the rest of the plot with which the author tries to connect the sex scenes -- it's flimsy and stupid, not funny. Perhaps he should've stuck with a PWP here.

Finally, the bonus point it gets for Harry cheating with Fleur on Bill is cancelled out by the fact that Hermione's in there as well, so eh.

Something like a 2/5
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“Someone is going to pay.”

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Last edited by Sesc; 02-24-2009 at 12:12 PM.
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Old 02-24-2009, 12:30 PM   #6
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So so porn, OK bashing, a few laughs 2/5.
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Old 02-24-2009, 12:36 PM   #7
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Sesc and thapagan already said what I wanted to say. The story is just... meh... (shrugs) 2/5 for the few somehow entertaining parts.
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Old 02-24-2009, 12:50 PM   #8
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First of all, calling Hermione a brunette threw me off, but I checked in dictionary and the word brunette does in fact have a bit different meaning to it's polish version (which means a woman with black hair). On the other hand, I have searched all 7 books for occurences of this word, and guess what, JKR never used it. Not once.

I don't care much for smut and won't rate it.

I loved this:
Quote:
“Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday,” mused Harry.Suddenly, everything went blurry, as if a small waterfall was cascading right before the three lovers’ eyes.
“Merde! What is happening?”
“Don’t worry,” Hermione said calmly to Fleur. “It’s just a flashback. It happens a lot.”
“Oh, I see.”
The three were taken back to that fateful day…
I liked they way author didn't bash Weasleys. For once, they are not a family whose sole purpose is plotting against Potters.

Well, there's nothing more to say, if you expected smut you might, or might not, be disappointed, but from me this story gets solid 4/5.

Guess I forgot about grammar or spelling issues but that's because I had none. I guess a better Grammar Nazi would find something, but I read through whole fic without cringing.
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Old 02-24-2009, 12:52 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by clonserpents
“While the goat’s fucking you, I’ll bag one of the sheep,” added Harry, sourly. He took the bottle of firewhiskey away from Fleur and gulped down two mouthfuls. “It’ll move a hell of a lot more than Ginny and it’ll bleat louder, too.”
'Atta boy Harry.

3/5, if only for this paragraph.
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Old 02-24-2009, 01:42 PM   #10
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Meh, it was alright, the paragraph quoted above was probably the highlight of the fic. Smut was OK, not 5/5 awesome...

Also, this line made me laugh IRL :
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fleur
“Plaindre, I wanted your cock again,” the blonde said, smiling demurely.
Yet another author who used a shitty internet translator. This line literally means "Sympathize, I wanted your cock again".

2.5, rounded down to 2 because ^this was unintentionally funny.
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Old 02-24-2009, 02:06 PM   #11
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Quote:
Nineteen years ago he did,” Hermione giggled.“
Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday,” mused Harry.
Suddenly, everything went blurry, as if a small waterfall was cascading right before the three lovers’ eyes.
“Merde! What is happening?”
“Don’t worry,” Hermione said calmly to Fleur. “It’s just a flashback. It happens a lot.”
“Oh, I see.”
Rofl, did anyone think of scrubs when they saw this?
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Old 02-24-2009, 02:49 PM   #12
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It had its moments, but overall, disappointing. The smut is increasingly what I've come to expect, in other words, bad. The ridiculously over the top use of dirty talk because of the author's inability to express sexual gratification in any other way, besides he/she/the sheep moaned, particularly grates on the sensibilities.

JWH's quoted line confuses me as well I don't quite understand what the author was trying to say. I grabbed ye olde trusty babel fish translation service and it gave me "feel sorry" so I don't understand where or how he got the word.

Particularly aggravating is the use of the word sopping.

Quote:
Fleur’s sopping folds
That word should never, ever approach smut let alone be included. All it does is remind me of a mop which when you're trying to illustrate how sexually aroused a woman is, it's ineffective at best. But it was at about that point that it devolved from bad smut to something worse.

Knowing nothing about the author it would seem to me to be nothing more than third rate smut written by a barely pubescent fanboy. The Author's note claims it's Erotic/Parody/Comedy, but calling it a crackfic would be generous as the author seems to be trying to be taken at least partially seriously with some parts of it.

To conclude it's PWP and even then the porn is bad and the plot is worse. If you enjoy the occasional piece of bad smut and you're desperate for more Harry/Fleur then you might just about enjoy this.

1.5/5 and the extra half mark is just for the few funny moments.
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Old 02-24-2009, 03:13 PM   #13
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Could have been worse. Like flopping folds. Flop, flop.
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Old 02-24-2009, 03:24 PM   #14
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That conjures a rather extraordinary mental image, how does a vagina flop? I have a weird idea in my head of the labia repeatedly coming together to make a flop sound, which is extremely unattractive.
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Old 02-24-2009, 03:39 PM   #15
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Boring.

For some reason the smut actually made the fic worse for me. It just... seemed extraneous. Furthermore, the fic really didn't make me laugh in the slightest. While there were a couple of lines that were slightly humurous, to me it was forced.

Seeing as how this fic to me failed both as humor and at smut...

2/5
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:24 PM   #16
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Do French speakers really use "chatte" for "pussy"? The French interjections don't really do it for me.

"Harry took his lovers in turn for the second time that night. All was well."

Yeah suffered from grossness of smut rather than flourish of erotica, but 3/5 for paying attention to parody.
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:25 PM   #17
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Lol cloneserpents. o: Same old, same old.

2/5
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:27 PM   #18
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Fail. There's gratuitious smut, and then there is this eyebleeding garbage. Nothing about this was even that lulzworthy, and 'fuck my chatte' had the double bonus of being both wrong and blazing a trail towards unintentioned scat...

0/5
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Old 02-24-2009, 04:30 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki View Post
Rofl, did anyone think of scrubs when they saw this?
I did lol

It was a 2/5 from me but Some of the comments here had me laughing my ass off so now it's a 3/5

EDIT: 2/5 from me
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Old 02-24-2009, 05:11 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki View Post
Rofl, did anyone think of scrubs when they saw this?
Yep, we're cut from the sam comedy appreciating cloth.

I lol'd frequently whilst reading this. In my mind, cloneserpents is one of the true mastes of lulzy smut. This line was my personal favourite:
Quote:
Why else would he name one of his sons after two of the most wretched people in his life? Harry believed that he was so drunk he was going to name the boy “Albus Severus Tom Marvolo” but had thankfully blacked out before completing the deplorable person trifecta.
5/5.
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