Dark Lord Potter Forums Dark Lord Potter Forums  

Go Back   Dark Lord Potter Forums > Library > Almost Recommended
Donate Register Rules Library List IRC Chat FAQ Members List Social Groups Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Donor Bar
PatronusCharm Banner

 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-04-2009, 06:55 PM   #1
Andro
Master of Death
 
Andro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,948
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Dark and Light by Guardian65 - M

Title: Dark and Light
Author: Guardian65
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure/Suspense
DLP Category: Independent or Romance
Pairing: Harry/Tonks
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,269
Updated: August 10, 2008
Published: June 9, 2008
Status: Abandoned

Summary: Harry ran from the Dursley's and stumbled onto the world that was his birth right. He became cold and powerful, caring only for himself and one other. Now Voldemort must deal with an enemy who is not so different from himself.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4313130/1/Dark_and_Light

The plot is nearly identical to Acerbus Angelus by Dalyon. Harry away ran from the Dursleys, has grown up independently, and goes after the prophecy.

A decent story written from the 1st-person perspective. It has nice style, nice atmosphere and modest creativity.

The biggest problem is that I only knew Harry ran away from the Dursleys because of the summary. The backstory is completely absent, and the author shouldn't waste any time in fixing that. Writers of AU fics like these tend to get too gleeful in withholding information.

3.5/5



Checked by Minion, June 9, 2013

Last edited by Dark Minion; 06-09-2013 at 02:08 PM.
Andro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2009, 07:49 PM   #2
KrzaQ
Chief Warlock
 
KrzaQ's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Poland
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,403
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Send a message via MSN to KrzaQ
Narration, spelling, grammar are good enough, I like Harry's character (though he is overpowered, but that's unavoidable, I guess). If the story continues like this I'd give it 3.5 or 4, but I won't rate story that short.

That's the main problem. The story has 3 chapters with 2.7k words per chapter average (8k words total). I don't think it should be placed in the library just now, and since last update was almost 9 months ago, I think it can be considered abandoned. So, I don't think such a teaser should be allowed here, but it definitely has the potential.
__________________

Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/krzaq_1337
KrzaQ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2009, 07:51 PM   #3
Sesc
Moderator
Slytherin at Heart
 
Sesc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Hbg., Germany
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,969
Good, but too short. Also, not updated within six months, which annoys me to no end. Why can't people simply keep writing, if it's a decent story? I got all exited for Harry/Tonks and then it cuts off right when it started to get interesting

Actually, now I think I read it once already; when it was new. You got info that there's gonna be a new chapter or something, Andro?
__________________
She shuddered, even as we were descending, but when we dismounted, there was no sadness, no grief. Her ice blue eyes burned in boundless fury, a look so piercing it went clean through me. It was simultaneously the most beautiful and most terrifying thing I had ever seen on her face.

“Someone is going to pay.”

Kairos

________________________________
FF.net :: By That Last Candle's Light :: The French Affair :: Unatoned


I heard that you like the bad girls, honey,
Is that true?
Sesc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2009, 07:59 PM   #4
Kensington
Minister for Magic
 
Kensington's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: West Coast
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,325
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Send a message via AIM to Kensington
I feel gypped, because of where the story cut off. As noted above, this could all fit one decent sized chapter. The quality of the writing is excellent and I do kind of want to find out what Harry has been up to.

Unfortunately, judging by the fact that he's Australian, I'm afraid one of those brush fires consumed the author. Hopefully he'll update in the future.

4/5
__________________

HIVE TULLY
SWARM. ANNIHILATION. TROUT.
Kensington is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2009, 08:55 PM   #5
sincostan
High Inquisitor
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: socal
Gender: Male
Posts: 547
Excellent, though it's just an intro. I put it on Author's Alert. As it says in the reviews, I hope the author doesn't make his name into Cayden, as that would be fucking ridiculous. I hate stuff like that.

Also, I hope the author has not gone and died in a fire.
__________________
"Theoretically, all acts of debauchery are exonerated when performed in the name of science. It is difficult to cry foul when one's pursuit of knowledge is so noble." ~Robo Jesus
sincostan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2009, 05:21 PM   #6
meatzman2
Backtraced
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 526
The introduction reads like the narration of a film, which is a negative in my book. It's not bad, just I dislike the use of that particular device.

Scratch that the whole first chapter reads like the introductory first-person narration of a crime drama. Again that's not necessarily a bad thing, personally I just find it irritating after a while.

Alright just finished the surprisingly small fic. That's my first complaint, even if it does echo the comments of others at this length it rates as a decent introduction in my mind, nothing more.

The first person perspective and writing style as I have said irritate me, but that doesn't take away from the fact that the author has done it well.

Fighting is excellent and HP seems a rather cool bloke, he loses points for letting Tonks punch him though. In fact the whole fic loses half a point for him being so in lurv with Tonks, it detracts from the badass.

Two points for the good writing, one point for the decent idea, half a point for the lack of potentially ridiculous emo backstory, half a point again for the excellent fight scenes. Subtract half a point for the relationship with Tonks and overall it struggles to a 3.5/5 in its present form.
meatzman2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 06:01 PM   #7
Taure
Death Eater
Magical Cores Are Real
 
Taure's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Gender: Male
Posts: 922
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Quote:
The plot is nearly identical to Acerbus Angelus by Dalyon.
You had me there. Going to read now.

Edit: It's not very good in my opinion. The tenses are all over the place, the chapters too short, Harry's characterisation your cliche indy!Harry "enlightened dark but not evil hardarse", he beats Dumbledore far too easily (in fact, the fact that he even beat Dumbledore at all is WTF), the plot has no structure to it: it's just one event after another and tends to wind back and forwards, Harry trusts Dumbledore far too quickly after having him running from him, the author makes Harry know too much for the sake of convenience, and there's no originality to speak of.

2/5.
__________________

HPATTGH: 1/35 Complete

Last edited by Taure; 03-08-2009 at 07:20 PM.
Taure is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 09:38 PM   #8
Amerision
Heir
Galactic Sheep Emperor
 
Amerision's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: The Gardens in the Desert Sand
Posts: 2,541
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taure
in fact, the fact that he even beat Dumbledore at all is WTF
Truth. I don't see any reason at all Harry should surpass Dumbledore in dueling skill anywhere before 30.

The story is short, too short to be in the library. It's decent enough, I suppose, but it's useless unless it gets somewhere.

3/5
__________________


I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I dream of love as time runs through my hand
I dream of fire
Those dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire
And in the flames
Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire

Amerision is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2009, 09:54 PM   #9
Oz
Moderator
Migos Enthusiast
 
Oz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Baile Átha Cliath
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,616
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Send a message via MSN to Oz
Too short, the writing is pretty rough around the edges and the characterisation is inconsistent. This could have been great, but that's all it has going for it in my opinion.

2/5
__________________
Can I offer you an egg in this trying time?



<chatter> prophet muhammad peace be upon him was sent to destroy the musical instruments
Oz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2009, 04:25 AM   #10
psihary
Groundskeeper
 
psihary's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: ... I've got a polar bear for a neighbour...
Gender: Male
Posts: 362
3/5 and that is a pure entertaining level rating. As bored as I'm right now I'd have given it a 4/5 but 8k words don't deserve that mark in any shape or form(one shots excluded). The story has a good idea behind it but the author could've executed it better.

Although the story is short it was easy to read and it had a small hook to it. Checking the status of other stories the author has posted I have some doubts this will ever pass the 20k words marker, but if the author decides to work on it for a bit longer for a change, it might turn into a decent independent Harry fic that serves it purpose to keep you entertained for a few hours but hardly accomplishing more.
__________________
"It can't be bad if we're doing it. We're the good ones..."
psihary is offline   Reply With Quote

Tags
author:guardian65, harry/tonks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Chessboards of Light and Dark by jon3776 - M LT2000 Almost Recommended 26 09-13-2008 07:28 PM
Lurker that is seeing the light marinealpha Introduction Archives [Closed] 13 08-20-2008 09:08 PM
There is no such thing as Light Magic or The Light Demons In The Night General Discussion 50 01-27-2008 04:42 PM
Sera's Challenge - Dark Lord of the Light LT2000 Challenges 14 06-01-2006 03:10 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:38 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright ©2005 - 2016 DLP Group. All rights reserved.
No personal intellectual property on this site may be used without the credit and express permission of the respective authors.