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Old 07-22-2009, 03:17 PM   #1
Silens Cursor
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Silence Game by Silens Cursor (NC-17, Harry/Su Li oneshot)

Title: Silence Game
Author: Silens Cursor
Rating: NC-17
Genre: ...probably erotica would be the closest thing here
DLP Category: Restricted Section
Pairing: Harry/Su Li
Published: November 10, 2010
Words: 6,968

Status: Complete (oneshot)
Summary: Su Li plays a dangerous, subtle game of power... but Harry never plays to lose.
Links: DLP WbA || Fanfiction.net||PatronusCharm

There's a bit of a story behind this fic: primarily that Vash challenged me to write Harry/Su Li smut, and I decided to give it a shot. Now, as I'm not a smut writer, I know the smut in here isn't great, but it's also not the focus of the fic. In this fic, the sex becomes a power game. Featuring a new take on Su Li (a vastly underused character) and a Harry changing because of the power he took (slightly AU, in that Harry took the Elder Wand after DH).

Checked Nov. 13, 2012
Added PatronusCharm link

Last edited by Dark Minion; 11-13-2012 at 03:36 PM.
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Old 07-22-2009, 04:39 PM   #2
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One of the better stories I've read lately. The power play was done awesome. Some flaws, but one of the most enjoyable stories of late.

Characters fall into some of the cliches but are unique enough that it doesn't detract from the read.

Personally, I give it a full 5. 8D

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Old 07-23-2009, 02:03 AM   #3
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This story's Su Li is one of my favorites. She's everything I picture her to be. Silent, meek, obedient.

I read, I fapped, I

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Old 07-23-2009, 08:31 AM   #4
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Well there goes my sperm. Congratulations. 5/5
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:14 PM   #5
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Howdy Silens.

I left a quick review at ff.net several weeks ago, but thought Iíd leave a more thorough one here, particularly since you gave me a nice, long critique for ĎThe Potter Conspiracy.í

As I said before, I didnít Ďlikeí the story, but thatís no reflection on its quality. A cynical, amoral Harry who plays cruel games with his peers just isnít to my taste.

The story does several things really well. The characterization is top notch. It was easy to feel how Harry had become jaded with power, and Su Li is one of the most memorable inventions Iíve encountered in fan fiction. She has only one word in the entire fic, but her small gestures and dark, impenetrable eyes somehow create a lasting and informative portrait of who she is and what she wants, even if itís a little disturbing. That soft little ďmoreĒ was powerful.

The pacing is excellent. Your narration slowly builds suspense, until the reader is anticipating the encounter between Harry and Su Li just as much as he is. Itís exquisite in its slowness, creating an atmosphere of impending doom thatís very hard to pull off. Very impressive on that front.

On to the criticisms.

First, itís unclear how much time has passed between the time of the story and the final battle. Harryís jaded sophistication would take at least a couple years to acquire, yet several times you suggest that only a few months have passed. If thatís the case, itís implausible for Harry to have bedded Ginny, Luna, Daphne, Tracy, Susan, and numerous others. Even more so considering that he obliviates all of them after the fact and feels no remorse about it. It would take time for his personality to change so drastically.

Second, the smut needs a little more clarity. This is not primarily a smut piece, I realize, but it was nevertheless hard to visualize the events. At one point Su takes him in her mouth, and in the next instant they both seem to climax. Iím not suggesting that you include explicit details of the mechanics, but there was not enough build up or description involved.

The last criticism is more subjective. I feel compelled to dislike Harry. His counterpart in canon, though clueless, is more charming in his naivete. This Harry is not engaging in rape, exactly, but his treatment of the girlsóparticularly Luna, of all people, an innocent without an agendaóis heartless, cynical, and calculating. Iíve noticed that you make your protagonists unlikeable in nearly all of your fics, and I really do wonder why. Iím not suggesting that itís a failure in characterization, as itís obviously done on purpose, but itís a tactic that will alienate quite a few readers.

No doubt many readers will appreciate this Ďdarkerí characterization of Harry, so feel free to ignore this aspect of my response. Just be aware that many readers will not enjoy it. One of the things that makes reading fan fiction an enjoyable experience (for me, at least) is being able to sympathize with, root for, or at least care about the main characters. Itís very hard to do so here. We get a voyeuristic look at two antisocial people, but it wouldnít bother me at all if Draco Malfoy were to burst in and kill both of them. Iíd probably wish him luck.

Anyway, thatís my two cents. Take it as feedback from someone who didnít like the story but could still admire its achievement as a well-told story. You accomplished what you set out to do admirably, and in that respect Iíd give it a very strong 4/5.

Good work.
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Old 07-23-2009, 08:11 PM   #6
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I loved it, I don't really have any other fics of this pairing to compare it to, but as I think you said this could be the first one. Su Li's character was amazing, I didn't think anyone would be able to do anything with what was suppose to be Cho's prototype.

If you could write more that would be wonderful, I'd like to see the Master/Slave thing fleshed out more. 4.8/5, this is definitely Library worthy.
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Old 07-30-2009, 07:40 PM   #7
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Well written and executed, very few flaws and different enough to keep me entertained. A solid 4.5/5
Harry sighed, wiping a tired hand across his face. "I understand why you did what you did, Bruce. The point is you didn't need to blow up three buses, two boats, a nunnery, and a toy poodle."

"I don't like poodles," muttered Batman, looking rather like a child being scolded.

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Old 07-31-2009, 09:27 PM   #8
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Well, it's not quite PWP, but the smut was kind of rote by-the-numbers stuff, other than the Orgasm Spell, which, sorry, I thought was pretty lame and made me think that Harry is the wizarding world equivalent of Smiling Bob the Enzyte Man.

Su Li was somewhat intriguing, so I was almost able to overlook her being cast in the generic role of Hot Asian Chick.

My problem with Dark!Harrys is that I want to see a reason why Harry has become a smug, self-satisfied prick.

The writing was decent, but overall, I can only rate it as "Okay" -- 3/5.
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Old 04-30-2010, 09:01 AM   #9
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That was pschopathic tendencies right there. Fucking what the fuck, telepathic abilities and mysterious culture clashes... maybe she's silent because she just doesn't know english, but her gestures show her understanding, presumably.

Interesting fic.
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Old 05-02-2010, 05:21 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by IRC

* KrzaQ can see some reasons...
<Mindless> XD
<Mindless> This is a fucking train wreck.
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Old 06-21-2012, 06:38 AM   #11
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I'd love to read more Harry/sue fics with the same personality and character u gave sue.

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Last edited by Antivash; 06-23-2012 at 11:40 AM.
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author:silens cursor, harry/su, oneshot

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