WIP - Harry Potter and the Blazin' Goblet by sastath - M

[Silens Cursor]

Title: Harry Potter and the Blazin' Goblet
Author: sastath
Rating: M
Genre: Humor/Parody
DLP Category: Humor
Pairing: Nothing really... read the fic, you'll understand
Status: WIP
Summary:"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Redone. Follow JKR plot, but Harry is calm, cool, & not cooperative. Harry finally living the role as popular. Parties, drinks, drugs, all the fun stuff in life."
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5231861/..._Blazin_Goblet


This was a little something I found when randomly perusing fanfiction.net, and you know what? The summary pretty much tells it all. This is Stoner!Fratboy!Harry in all of its idiotic magnificence. Introduced to cigs, alcohol, weed, and women by Sirius Black, Harry strives to join and lead the party scene at Hogwarts, something that's mostly been kept under wraps in canon.

To be completely honest, the fic is not fantastic by any stretches of the mind. The grammar is annoyingly inconsistent, there's more Americanisms and timeline shifts than necessary, and the fic gets mindbogglingly stupid at points, but you know what?

I fucking loved it.

This fic is not intended to be taken seriously or with any grain of salt, and the author knows it. There's a canny sense of parody filling this fic that sucked me in like a cheap hooker who hasn't stopped delivering. Cliches are present, but they're flipped on their head in an innovative way and with that same sense of parody. The humor, while being a bit juvenile at points, wasn't bad by any stretch of the mind, and there were actually a few genuinely funny parts. It helps that the dialogue is solid and actually a bit realistic. Not to mention that the characterization isn't terrible when it comes to the other characters. As for Harry... well, if you can picture Barney Stinson crossed with a fratboy stoner, you'll pretty much see where it goes from here.

So in summary, this fic is stupid, and it fucking knows it, but it delivers, and I haven't had this much fun with a fic since I wrote Snitch Game. Guilty pleasure? Definitely. Belongs in the library? Eh, maybe. It's crack, but it's some of the best.

As it is right now, 4/5.

[Nukular Winter]

Harry blew a puff of smoke from his lips and nostrils as he flicked his withering cigarette into the depths of his aunt’s rose bushes.

Harry made his way to the shed in the backyard pulling open the door and dragging out the push mower. He put some fuel in the mower, started it up, pulled on his I-pod, and began cutting the grass.

As Harry wandered about the yard cutting the grass he saw a large black dog sitting in the corner of the yard. Harry grinned when he noticed it had a cigarette hanging from its mouth.

Harry rolled his eyes as he passed by the dog with the mower.

“Nice Snuffles, real nice.”

The dog responded by blowing smoke from its nose.

“Five minutes, in the shed.” Harry said motioning from the mower to the shed.

Sort of amusing, although according to Wiki the first iPod wasn't released until 2001.

Edit:

From Ch 2:

Sirius rolled his eyes and pulled a large plastic bag from the backpack. It was filled marijuana.

Harry’s eyes widened to the size of saucers.

“Is that for me?”

“No that’s for me.”

Harry sighed.

Sirius grinned. “The other four bags in this backpack are for you.”

Harry dashed to Sirius’s side and looked in the backpack. He jumped up and down like Christmas had come.

“I-LOVE-YOU!”

Have you ever done magic... on WEED??

[Affliction]

This story wins the internet.

Just came up to chapter eleven, was moderately amusing up untill then but damn... that chapter put the biggest grin ever on my face.

Rickrolling the Great Hall? Awesome in a bottle and to think that I've never seen it before is

[Dr. Strange Lulz]

“Who are you kidding? You couldn’t get a chick you mook. You’re too weird and sad.”

Clerks 2, good times.

This story is basically the opposite of anything I'd read... but I just can't look away.

Probably going to finish it tonight.

[SmileOfTheKill]

1/5.

I WAS NOT AMUSED.

This type of humor is not that funny.

[darklordmike]

Only at Chapter 7 so far, but I've got to say that this story is bizarre, absurd, ludicrous...and fucking brilliant. Nice find, Silens.

If you give it a few chapters to get rolling (rimshot), it settles into a rhythm and gets really entertaining. There are some great one liners, including a few pulled from movies. I'm sure all the stoners here recognize this one:

“Malfoy, you got a joint?”

Malfoy looked around his face turning somewhat red “No.”

Harry grinned knowing that Malfoy probably didn’t even know what a joint even was. Harry pulled a joint out of his pocket running it under his nose laughing at Malfoy.

“It’d be a lot cooler if you did.”

Edit: This is some silly shit, but I'm still laughing my ass off.

Most of the students seemed to share Harry and Ron’s opinion and stared on in awe.

“You think a woman like that has ever been laid?” Harry said to Ron who didn’t seem to hear him as he gawked at some of the female students now entering Hogwarts.

“No way man.” A voice sounded from behind Harry.

Harry looked back at the older Gryffindor “Surely someone had to bite the bullet and hit that.”

The older student tilted his head to the side “That’s a fucking big bullet man.”

Edit 2: I finished what's available, and a lot of the humor is hit-or-miss. Towards the end there are just a few too many movie quotes. But I really liked Harry's solution to the first task, and the fic has moments that are truly inspired. It's neither well-crafted nor even coherent, but it's a lot of fun.

3.5/5, rounded up for the stars

[Goddessa39]

I admit it, I was admused and into it for the first few chapters. By the time they set up their 'muggle tent' though, I was bored.

Atleast there is lots to it though.

[capo327]

Why does everyone in this story cough when they smoke? Shit should only happen the first time you smoke, n0t after you've hotboxed dozens of times.

[Richardc269]

I got bored with the story after a while myself. Wasn't all that great, in my opinion. 3/5 from me, at the most.

[Dirk Diggory]

Hilarious if you giggle madly any time one of your 13 year old female friends references weed. Or if you find the idea of Harry rickrolling Hogwarts to be uproarious and not at all old meme. But in that case you probably have AIDS so you oughtn't get a vote. 1.5/5

[Lucullus]

Annoying use of Americanisms, even when irrelevant makes this fail. The shitty grammar did nothing to help. I admit there are some chapters that make me smile, but it does get boring too, after a while.

2/5, even when taken as a crack fic. It could have been done better than this if the author weren't so much of an idiot.

[MattSilver 3k]

About 18 chapters in and wanting to read the rest, which I think is a good sign of me being bored beyond measure.

The broken grammar and pop culture references are pretty fucking awful to sift through - any story that irrelevantly decides that iPods and Rick Rolling have a place in a HP fic deserved to be hung up by their toenails and slowly killed by a blind man wielding a blunt axe - but God help me that I'm actually still reading. Something about it all seems so... fucking... ridiculous, but it probably doesn't have a place outside my nightmares/guilty pleasure thingamabobs.

As for the humour thing, I wrote Tis The Season of Summertime for fuck's sake - I know and can tolerate some pretty awful humour in my time, and this fic does have a champion-sized hit and miss record.

No number score, 'cause I don't do that.

EDIT: I just got to the part where Harry is BSDM'd by the Slytherin chick. It would be a colossal understatement if I said that I was totally not expecting that to happen.

[Hashasheen]

1/5. The grammar and the Americanisms just got to me chapter 3. If this guy gets a decent beta and fixes it up, it'd be a lot better.

[Rhys]

This just sort of sucks you into its sea of madness, and despite all the Americanisms and lousy grammar and frequent spelling errors it just works.

Originally Posted by The Blazin Goblet

Harry plopped down next to the window and rested his head on the window watching the landscape pass him by and the weather change from pleasant to poor. The trio sat in silence for some time, before Harry opened the window and pulled out a cigarette.

“Harry you can’t do that on the train!” Hermione screeched.

Harry shrugged “Fuck it” he said lighting up his cigarette.

Somehow that seems to sum up the story pretty well (but possibly only with the right sort of "logic").

4/5

[Dark Belra]

It's shit but I read through it.

Too many things seem like you'd have to know certain things to get the joke. Wesker, Jill Valentine and the movie quotes are a few.

The Rick Roll was so retarded I just went to the next chapter automatically.

[Tehlaziboi]

Grammar wasn't all that great in most of the chapters and it got pretty damn irritating when the story became so Americanized. Them coughing and hacking with every hit was definitely unreal and makes me wonder if this author even knows any of the shit that he types up. I'll admit that it was amusing for maybe the first three chapters but then it got annoying pretty damn fast.

2/5

[franki]

The first five chapter were ok, but then it turned into shit. Americanisms, muggle tech and Harry suddenly becoming suave and ladies man.

And the biggest sin against nature in this fick? Harry dressing as Albert Wesker to go to a party. Come on! Can it get any more retarded?

1/5

[Memory King]

Rebellious Harry and canon outline are just incompatible in my mind, so I never was interested in this one.

Doesn't sound like I'm missing much, from what has been quoted by others.

[Rymrock]

Originally Posted by franki

The first five chapter were ok, but then it turned into shit. Americanisms, muggle tech and Harry suddenly becoming suave and ladies man.

QFT. Funny at first, but it get tiring after awhile. The story just meanders with no real plot in sight.

[sirius009]

This story is horrible. Although it is light hearted and shouldn't be taken seriously, the author simply sucks at writing, the story has no flow what-so-ever, and the author seems to think that forcing movie references down are throats every couple of paragraphs makes no sense and is annoying, I've always found that movie references should be subtle. Finally, the author simply doesn't care that the HP series takes place in the early 90's when things like Ipod's were a dream at best.
0/5