Title: [Silver Serpent]
Author: [Ginny Killer 2.0]
Rating: [T]
Genre: [General]
Pairing: [H/G mentions]
Status: [Work in Progress]
Summary: [hmm i cant really explain it without giving it away to much just read it and post your own summary or something cause i dont know how to summerize it]
Link: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/viewtopic.php?t=2624

Dont let the H/G thing throw you off it is only mentioned sometimes. i know its only a prelude so far but i will write the first chappy soon i promice just try reading it and tell me what you think of it so far i will answer and questions as to where i am going with this so ask away.

 

It needs some more polishing before I can truely review it.

Pros:
It is interesting

Cons:
You spelled serpent wrong
work on your grammar and spelling
you spelled the spells wrong
the writing is a little chopy
Use -------- instead of ^^^
Needs more background info
don't use AN's during the story, until the end because it breaks immersion
Draco seems way to smart and shrewd then what he really is


Keep on trying and you can become better writer. Hell this is better than my first fic

 

i wrote in about 15 mins sry for it being choppy lol. i did do spell check on it but its not all that great of a spell check. ok backround is that Ginny got captured by deatheaters and Harry, Ron, and Hermione being the dumb gryffindors they are go try to save them. I didnt add very much to the backround because the prelude is only setting the stage, its not supposed to be a story of its own. its mainly to make harry die and vergil be born at the same time.

ok here is what is basicly going to happen dont read if you dont want to be suprised.

Because vergil was voldemorts son he inherited the link to harry. harry dies as vergil was born so vergil felt harrys death and he ends up with harrys memories. they come to him in flashback type things over the course of his life. there will times where he knows things and doesnt know how he knows them.

 

Hmm... The prologue was interesting. Well...you do have a couple of huge biases working against you. The part about Harry being killed by Ginny is especially irksome and could have been worked better. That alone would be enough to drive readers on this site away. Yeah, I know your name is Ginny killer. Some people might give you benefit of the doubt and hope that was LV or something but then they might not

There's also the key question is Harry reborn as vergil? If not, then the fact that it's going to be OC and not Harry-centric would turn a lot of people off. Originity is good...but if it's that original (I get the impression, you got a plot bunny after playing KH and just tried writing it), it's not really HP anymore. Still interesting enough that I'll most likely check out your chapter one.

 

Once you kill off Harry, change his appearance, or give him a new set of memories (Ludwig? Wacheter? Wtf?!), it ceases to be Harry, no matter who inherited his memories.

Most of us want to see the boy who grew up in a cupboard, abused and belittled, not some guy who has some sort of commonality with him.

Another thing, Vergil (sp?) getting the scar link is a bit random.

I guess it has some potential. But it's not gonna fly well with many. This can either be a great story, or just Gay to the highest degree.

 

Vergil is kinda like part Harry. as time goes by harry is more and more integraded into his soul. this story plays along with the fact that i dont think harry can defeat voldemort. plus i wanted to make dumbledores theory about the power of love wrong by having harry killed by the person that he loved. I know we all hate ginny including me but she will die a painful death later on. i thought that instead of makeing a completely unrealistic jump from a pansy ass gryffindor to a hard ass super powerful slytherin. i would just make a new charactor that i could still tie through the prophesy. all of the old surviving charactors will still be part of the story and Vergil will grow up in a similer mannor as Voldemort and Harry. so u will still get you neglected kid that we all love to read about and you get a magicly powerful slytherin that wouldnt hesitate to kill Voldemort and the Deatheaters. If you like you can think of him somewhat as Harry reborn but with slight differances. And best yet you get a story that hasnt strayed from HBP and will have a realistic way for Voldemort dieing instead of shooting a power beam of love at Voldemort or some shit like that. the only thing i really got from kingdom hearts was the staircase and the big flashbacks. i am hoping i can make this good this is the first story i have actually worked out the entire storyline for...... well for the first book at least. it will skip ahead to Vergil's first year and it will be alot better then the stuiped 1st harry potter book.if you want to see the storyline then ask me and ill PM it to you

 

Interesting. So it's not going to be all OCs? Your story said it's 90% OC. If you are using canon characters and that's only 10% of your characters...lol that's a lot of characters.

Like Amerision said. It could fly or it could sink. Not sure if starting from the beginning is something a new author could/should tackle. It might sounds like a good idea, but I have been rarely satisfied with these starting from year 1 series. They are also very difficult to write and many readers WILL compare it to canon. And at least I thought canon 1-4 were not that bad. I would warn that it is a difficult preject so good luck.

 

actually i have been writing HP fanfics for almost 2-3 years but never posted any of them. i actaully somewhat liked H/G before book 6 then i discovered the whole dark Harry thing. i have a few decent ones with about 40 pages on paper but they all seem way to cliche now plus i am not sure i could get into writting them again. anyways mrriddler because u are prlly more experianced of a writer would u like to go over my storyline and perhaps see if anything needs changed? and the reason i said 90% OC was because you kinda have to make all new charactors for hogworts and some new teachers i mean it would be kinda corny to put in all teachers that went to school with Harry. lets see in the first book of this for the canon chars we have: Flitwik, Ron, Tonks, Remus, Draco and Charlie Weasley

 

hmm...I'm not sure how much help I would be as this might not be my cup of tea. But if you are unafraid, I am willing to give it a try. Pm me if you like.

 

Ugh @ Harry being beaten by Ginny and Draco beating Hermione. Gay.

 

404

Once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary.
Over many a strange and spurious pronsite of 'hot XXX galore'.
While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning.
And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour.
"Tis not possible!", I muttered, "give me back my free hardcore!"
Quoth the server,


Bumped up for delete/review.