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Old 06-09-2011, 06:34 PM   #1
Voice of the Nephilim
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Concentric Wavelengths by Voice of the Nephilim

Title: Concentric Wavelengths
Author: Voice of the Nephilim
Rating: M
Genre: Horror
DLP Category: Time-Travel
Pairing: n/a
Words: 16,195
Published: June 8, 2011

Status: Complete (One-shot)
Summary: Trapped within the depths of the Department of Mysteries, Harry is entangled in a desperate, violent battle against both the Death Eaters and a horrifying creation of the Unspeakables, with time itself left as his only weapon.

The second place entrant to the May DLP Time-Travel contest. Canon up until the end of OotP. Chronicles the Fifth Year trip to the Department of Mysteries, which goes immediately begins to go horribly, horribly wrong.

Enjoy, and congratulations to Portus for his victory in the contest, and to the rest of the entrants for writing.


Checked by Minion, January 11, 2013

Last edited by Dark Minion; 01-11-2013 at 04:02 PM.
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Old 06-09-2011, 06:55 PM   #2
Rhys
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I would have personally chosen this as the winner, bloody beautiful piece of work. 5/5
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Old 06-09-2011, 11:09 PM   #3
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Absolutely incredible. Can't say much more, really. I think you misspelled pane of glass as "pain" at one point.
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Old 06-09-2011, 11:28 PM   #4
Andro
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Amazing. It's a scary story on multiple levels; I like how you wrote with an innocent style similar to Rowling's but told a very dark tale with it. It produces a distinct kind of feel and dread. 5/5, pretty much.
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Old 06-09-2011, 11:51 PM   #5
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One of the easiest stories to rate, 5/5. Has one of the biggest blindside wtf moments I've ever read.
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Old 06-09-2011, 11:53 PM   #6
Hawkin
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At one point you wrote Lucius as the matriarch of the Malfoy instead of patriarch.

Otherwise 5/5 for the awesomeness of it!
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Old 06-10-2011, 09:46 AM   #7
Grinning Lizard
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There were a few issues spelling/grammar wise, for example:

Quote:
"I don't think so," Harry disagreed, shaking his head. "Whatever killed Rookwood…it torn him apart, like an animal. Besides, if it was Sirius, he would have said something to us. He could still by lying in that room, hurt, needing out help."
Aside from this, it's really excellent. Sorry I couldn't get involved in editing before you posted it, because a grammar nazi's touch is the only thing that stopped it from perfection, I think.

Still an easy 5/5, and as I said to the original pitch, 'pure molten awesome'.
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Old 06-10-2011, 01:27 PM   #8
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This was absolutely fantsastic. 5/5
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Old 06-10-2011, 07:35 PM   #9
Stalin's Pipe Organs
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Worse oneshot ever. 1/5.

 
I kid, I kid.

5/5 all the way.

No complaints except that I want MOAR. But I do understand that it may cheapen what you have here.
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:14 PM   #10
iLost
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Others have said it, and I'll agree. Top-notch. Not quite as good as Portus' but is this For Review and not the contest, on it's own awesome.

The amount of planning in this must have been grueling. The way the unknown attacker was cloaked maybe think that Harry from the future was behind the carnage. Good misleading there. The outcome was spectacular and left me feeling chills. Keep it that way.

5/5.
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Old 06-11-2011, 08:14 PM   #11
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Excellent one shot, I'm amazed at the detail and thought that must have gone into it. Well done, 5/5.
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Old 06-11-2011, 11:48 PM   #12
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I'll just try to reiterate what I wrote in the story's thread, which is that this - like all your stuff I've read - is engaging and extremely well done.

I've gone through and read it a second time and it's more chilling and Gothic than I first realized. The sense of foreboding and feeling of inevitability (with the added bonus of not knowing /what/ the inevitable actually entailed) was palpable. It's a lot darker than I perceived the first go-round, and it really adds to the story, in my opinion.

Another great idea from you. 5/5 from anyone not a dumbass.
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Old 06-12-2011, 07:36 PM   #13
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Read it, loved it, 9000+/5.
It was actually quite hard to decide between this and Portus' stuff. Both were awesome, both had their little tidbits where a grammar nazi would rage, and both were masterfully written.
Where Geminio had the advantage of giving us a totally new (and awesome) spin and backstory to an awesome character and explaining (in a totally awesome way) the completely lame way Rowling got rid of him, your story had so much dread and forebonding that it could be cut with a knife. It also gave a rather original use to Time-Travel.
Nothing specifically horrific happens to Harry, it's all psychological horror, at least the way I perceived it. And yeah, I've read very few worthwhile horror fanfiction stories.
If I had to be forced into choosing either of the two, I would go with Geminio, but the difference in quality is minimal. Guess I needed someone to confirm to me that Moody is badass motherfucker.

Also, I hate one-shots, kthx.
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Old 06-13-2011, 09:37 AM   #14
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The words 'Fuck Yeah!' came to mind as soon as the twist came. Repeated time turner usage was awesome too. 5/5.
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Old 06-13-2011, 04:40 PM   #15
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I think I've said pretty much everything constructive I can in one place or another, so I shall content myself with a fucking awesome/5, and be on my way.
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Old 06-14-2011, 04:44 PM   #16
JimmyCranberry
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Awesome story. One of my all-time favourite oneshots, without doubt. 5/5
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Old 06-14-2011, 08:01 PM   #17
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Well, whatever the others said: that was pretty awesome.

I'll add my little but that will make me a dumbass in Portus'opinion.

But I just don't like the idea of GG coming back from the dead/brain and sucking the life out of Harry. I don't know, that just feels wrong...

I can't say it's not original, but well, I think you could have done the same result with Harry being gradually overcome by madness in an Apocalypse Now kind of way. Perhaps from a side effect of time travel, or from being in a confined space with enemies, added with Harry's natural ability to fight his way out of desparate situation (like with the basilisk) that would turn him more violent, ruthless...

So, the GG ending doesn't allow me to appreciate at the fullest what is otherwise a piece of art. Only 4/5 from me.
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Old 06-21-2011, 03:55 PM   #18
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5/5, pretty unique and interesting idea. Hope to see a sequel up.
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Old 06-22-2011, 01:51 PM   #19
Reza
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Loved it, the ending caught me out.

5/5

 
While reading, I guessed that the thing responsible for killing everyone was death, which had come through the veil. But GG taking over Harry was cool.
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