[WIP] From Fake Dreams by Third Fang - M - Fate/Stay Night

Wizardmon0073 · 11-02-2011, 05:13 AM

Title: From Fake Dreams
Author: Third Fang
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure
Status: WIP
Fandom: Fate/Stay Night
Pairings: None (yet)
Summary: Emiya Kitsirugu was happy living the rest of his short days. He had put his past behind him... until he began to dream of futures that had yet to be. Let it be known that the Magus Killer was not dangerous simply because he was dying and would not fight.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7207791/1/From_Fake_Dreams

While browsing Fate/Stay Night section on ff.net, I have found this story. Kiritsugu is one of my favorite characters from Fate/Zero, so reading summary that had him being badass even while cursed and dying piqued my interest.

Shirou eventually becomes the main character, but I found that I like him better than in most F/SN fics. Maybe it is because he is more skilled (while not being overpowered) or maybe it is because Kiritsugu tries to "improve" his "distortion"...

I am not that knowledgeable in ways of Nasuverse but I have not got any problems with understanding just what is going on in this fic.

With my basic knowledge of English, I have not seen any great grammar/vocabulary errors but I am sure I am not the best person to look for them. This story is semi-regularly updated but author himself warned readers because he apparently has 2 jobs and little free time for writing, so updates in the future may be more irregular.

I quite liked this fic (4/5) and I think it deserves its chance in for review board.

Tasoli · 11-02-2011, 06:35 PM

I could have swore it was in Library but it isn't

weird.

Any way on to story. This story had promise started very good but last 3-4 chapters started to drag. It is like those Naruto stories, a endless training arc and very little else.

It has good points of course I liked Rins character for example. Didn't liked Kritsugu learning every thing about 5th grail war. Liked Shiro learning some magic. Didn't liked that Sirius character which gives me headache trying to read his dialogs.

In short story is not that bad so 3.5/5 rounded down for rating.

tragicmat1 · 11-03-2011, 01:13 AM

Story started out nicely, but like tasoli said, too many boring training scenes!

3/5 as of now. This may potentially go higher when the plot finally moves forward a bit more.

SmileOfTheKill · 11-03-2011, 06:38 AM

It was okay until it said the reason Shirou is so willing to fight is because, well screw writing it again, copy/paste time.

Quote:

"… It's hard though…" Shirou continued. "I have this power, and I know what's right and what's wrong… but even though I have to hold back… I always have the urge to do something…"

"… Sword…" The father sighed.

"What?" The boy blinked.

"It's your element and your origin." The man explained. "Sword. It explains why you're so adept at tracing weapons and turning things into weapons and related objects. Because of your origin you're compelled to fighting when put up against violent problems. When you're out of your league, you're compelled to think of yourself as a disposable tool. Useful, powerful, dangerous, but disposable."

Until that, it was a 3/5. Then that along with a few other stupid things made me stop reading it. Anything I stop reading where there is more to be read gets at best a 2/5. Weeee 2/5.

yak · 11-03-2011, 07:53 AM

Ugh. This story was a struggle to read. The later chapters do get bogged down in training, but the problems are more fundamental than that. This Shirou is having everything handed to him on a silver platter. Nothing is going wrong; everything is going right. There's no struggle, no challenges, no failures.

If it was limited to Shirou's father having the dreams he did on the first night, subsequently beginning to train Shirou better and forewarn him of what was to come, I'd enjoy this a lot more. Instead of that, Kiritsugu has detailed dreams about all 3 routes and EMIYA/Archer's tortured future and wrote it all down. He's found two magi to train Shirou after his death, both of whom are kind-hearted magi who're seemingly happy to be dragged away from their life's works and research to frequently fly to Japan and mentor the kid. During school holidays he flies to England where they drop their own work to train him. Shirou now has all kinds of basic magic skills down pat, is getting over-powered pre-training on his sword projection and sword archery skills [consistent bullseyes from 3/4mi away], and let's not forget he's been trained in hand-to-hand combat by Bazett. He's already got a working relationship with Rin, is secret-magi-friends with Sakura, knows about his sister Illya, and has Kiritsugu's future dream notes which will tell him everyone's secrets. He's been projecting Avalon for years and has minor time manipulation skills thanks to being implanted with the Emiya crest. The war is still a year away.

What a load of bullshit.

This is one of the least satisfying fics I've read in a while. Early in the piece I thought I'd read at least until we got to see the Sirius-crafted-weapon which Kiritsugu had squirelled away for Shirou. Now, I don't even want to see the bloody thing.

The author isn't a horrible writer, he's just undisciplined, and doesn't understand that torturing your protagonist, not fixing everything for them, is what keeps readers entertained.

The story starts off okay, and has a neat premise, but the more I read, the worse it gets. I read for long enough to get it down to a 2/5. If there was another chapter or two it'd have reached 1/5.

iLost · 11-03-2011, 08:08 AM

Was going to get to this, but as of Yak's review, no thank-you. Thanks for saving me some time man.

knight504 · 11-03-2011, 12:21 PM

It'd be interesting if this is all a giant set-up for a completely fucked up Grail War that's nothing like what Kiritsugu foresaw.

Tasoli · 11-03-2011, 01:06 PM

^ This would make story awesome. Otherwise It will be another boring story.

TmDagger · 11-03-2011, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight504

It'd be interesting if this is all a giant set-up for a completely fucked up Grail War that's nothing like what Kiritsugu foresaw.

That seems to be the case. At least partially. What with Kotomine becoming suspicious, Zouken interested, Louvre meddling and ect. Still would not give it more then 2.5/5 for now.

knight504 · 11-03-2011, 03:57 PM

Ah, that's no good. I was thinking more along the lines of:

A Saber who stills exists in reality after being forcibly tainted by the Grail by Gilgamesh and made his wife.
Kotomine Kirei/Matou Zouken having the same/similar dreams to Kiritsugu and doing their own preparations.
Different servants being summoned, different masters being chosen or even unique servants being thrown into the mix.
Dead Apostles accidently getting involved after deciding to travel to Fuyuki for some eats.

You know, stuff like that.

tragicmat1 · 11-03-2011, 07:04 PM

Oh yeah, it's definitely the mentions of dead apostles that I was hoping he will perhaps include some Tsukihime elements into it. Anyways, the War has to be completely different in order to make this an even mildly interesting read. Either way, the pacing is too slow!

The DarIm · 11-05-2011, 09:32 PM

Personally, it's a guilty pleasure fic for me, though I'd never considered posting it for review on DLP, mainly for the reasons yak gave.

Still, it's MUCH better than his other Naruto fic, and I'm following it. Also, with the inclusion of Dead Apostles now, it's bound to get more interesting.

And, from my limited knowledge, he seems to have a somewhat accurate grasp of Nasuverse mechanics. The update rate is no too bad either.

3/5.

Coelacanth · 11-05-2011, 10:00 PM

Accurate interpretation of Nasuverse wuuuuuuuuuuuuut?

He completely missed the differences between Gaia and Ea from one of his chapters. That's big.

Otherwise, the fic is decent, and that's why it deserves a 3/5.

It started out solid, just like everyone has mentioned, but since then it's just dragged on and on.

The author is arrogant, and refuses to fix mistakes that people catch so I'm not too impressed with the story anymore.

This training montage needs to be sped up and completed.

The DarIm · 11-05-2011, 10:14 PM

Note that I did say somewhat and mentioned my own limited knowledge. I suppose it's be fairer to say that it doesn't have any errors that would jump at a relative newbie like me. Still, it's a guilty pleasure fic; what more can you expect?

1and1is3 · 11-06-2011, 06:25 AM

The thing is that it doesn't catch your interest anymore. It gets worse and worse as it progresses. I'm only reading the story for the sole hope that Tsukihime characters are introduced and the plot actually becomes interesting after that.

Jarik · 11-13-2011, 05:46 AM

Been following this for a while. Definitely a guilty pleasure fic, and even amongst those, a pretty crap one. If this was an equivalent Harry Potter fic, it'd have already have been flamed off DLP. Unfortunately, we don't have much in the way for choice when it comes to Fate Stay Night fics, so we're stuck getting our fix with stuff like this.

Average writing, forced character interaction that doesn't feel natural, not great pacing and pretty bland characters. The only thing it has going for it is a few unique plot points.

The start might've been a 3/5, but it quickly fell to a 2/5.

11-02-2011, 05:13 AM	#1
Wizardmon0073 Second Year Join Date: Aug 2010 Gender: Male Posts: 76	From Fake Dreams by Third Fang - M - Fate/Stay Night Title: From Fake Dreams Author: Third Fang Rating: M Genre: Adventure Status: WIP Fandom: Fate/Stay Night Pairings: None (yet) Summary: Emiya Kitsirugu was happy living the rest of his short days. He had put his past behind him... until he began to dream of futures that had yet to be. Let it be known that the Magus Killer was not dangerous simply because he was dying and would not fight. Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7207791/1/From_Fake_Dreams While browsing Fate/Stay Night section on ff.net, I have found this story. Kiritsugu is one of my favorite characters from Fate/Zero, so reading summary that had him being badass even while cursed and dying piqued my interest. Shirou eventually becomes the main character, but I found that I like him better than in most F/SN fics. Maybe it is because he is more skilled (while not being overpowered) or maybe it is because Kiritsugu tries to "improve" his "distortion"... I am not that knowledgeable in ways of Nasuverse but I have not got any problems with understanding just what is going on in this fic. With my basic knowledge of English, I have not seen any great grammar/vocabulary errors but I am sure I am not the best person to look for them. This story is semi-regularly updated but author himself warned readers because he apparently has 2 jobs and little free time for writing, so updates in the future may be more irregular. I quite liked this fic (4/5) and I think it deserves its chance in for review board.

11-02-2011, 06:35 PM	#2
Tasoli Death Eater Join Date: Dec 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 606	I could have swore it was in Library but it isn't weird. Any way on to story. This story had promise started very good but last 3-4 chapters started to drag. It is like those Naruto stories, a endless training arc and very little else. It has good points of course I liked Rins character for example. Didn't liked Kritsugu learning every thing about 5th grail war. Liked Shiro learning some magic. Didn't liked that Sirius character which gives me headache trying to read his dialogs. In short story is not that bad so 3.5/5 rounded down for rating. __________________ Disney Land Paris

11-03-2011, 07:53 AM	#5
yak God of Magic Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Australia Gender: Male Posts: 2,569	Ugh. This story was a struggle to read. The later chapters do get bogged down in training, but the problems are more fundamental than that. This Shirou is having everything handed to him on a silver platter. Nothing is going wrong; everything is going right. There's no struggle, no challenges, no failures. If it was limited to Shirou's father having the dreams he did on the first night, subsequently beginning to train Shirou better and forewarn him of what was to come, I'd enjoy this a lot more. Instead of that, Kiritsugu has detailed dreams about all 3 routes and EMIYA/Archer's tortured future and wrote it all down. He's found two magi to train Shirou after his death, both of whom are kind-hearted magi who're seemingly happy to be dragged away from their life's works and research to frequently fly to Japan and mentor the kid. During school holidays he flies to England where they drop their own work to train him. Shirou now has all kinds of basic magic skills down pat, is getting over-powered pre-training on his sword projection and sword archery skills [consistent bullseyes from 3/4mi away], and let's not forget he's been trained in hand-to-hand combat by Bazett. He's already got a working relationship with Rin, is secret-magi-friends with Sakura, knows about his sister Illya, and has Kiritsugu's future dream notes which will tell him everyone's secrets. He's been projecting Avalon for years and has minor time manipulation skills thanks to being implanted with the Emiya crest. The war is still a year away. What a load of bullshit. This is one of the least satisfying fics I've read in a while. Early in the piece I thought I'd read at least until we got to see the Sirius-crafted-weapon which Kiritsugu had squirelled away for Shirou. Now, I don't even want to see the bloody thing. The author isn't a horrible writer, he's just undisciplined, and doesn't understand that torturing your protagonist, not fixing everything for them, is what keeps readers entertained. The story starts off okay, and has a neat premise, but the more I read, the worse it gets. I read for long enough to get it down to a 2/5. If there was another chapter or two it'd have reached 1/5. Last edited by yak; 11-05-2011 at 09:59 PM. Reason: One z in Bazett

11-03-2011, 08:08 AM	#6
iLost Dark Lord Join Date: Aug 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 1,238	Was going to get to this, but as of Yak's review, no thank-you. Thanks for saving me some time man. __________________ So I ate a sandwich, salami and entrails, with my daughter. She thought it looked tasty.

11-03-2011, 12:21 PM	#7
knight504 Avatar Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: England Gender: Male Posts: 1,304	It'd be interesting if this is all a giant set-up for a completely fucked up Grail War that's nothing like what Kiritsugu foresaw. __________________ "I saw the birth of the universe, and I watched as time ran out, moment by moment, until nothing remained. No time, no space – just me." - The Eleventh Doctor

11-03-2011, 01:13 AM	#3
tragicmat1 Death Eater Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Madrid Gender: Male Posts: 593	Story started out nicely, but like tasoli said, too many boring training scenes! 3/5 as of now. This may potentially go higher when the plot finally moves forward a bit more.

11-03-2011, 01:06 PM	#8
Tasoli Death Eater Join Date: Dec 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 606	^ This would make story awesome. Otherwise It will be another boring story. __________________ Disney Land Paris

11-03-2011, 03:57 PM	#10
knight504 Avatar Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: England Gender: Male Posts: 1,304	Ah, that's no good. I was thinking more along the lines of: A Saber who stills exists in reality after being forcibly tainted by the Grail by Gilgamesh and made his wife. Kotomine Kirei/Matou Zouken having the same/similar dreams to Kiritsugu and doing their own preparations. Different servants being summoned, different masters being chosen or even unique servants being thrown into the mix. Dead Apostles accidently getting involved after deciding to travel to Fuyuki for some eats. You know, stuff like that. __________________ "I saw the birth of the universe, and I watched as time ran out, moment by moment, until nothing remained. No time, no space – just me." - The Eleventh Doctor

11-03-2011, 07:04 PM	#11
tragicmat1 Death Eater Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Madrid Gender: Male Posts: 593	Oh yeah, it's definitely the mentions of dead apostles that I was hoping he will perhaps include some Tsukihime elements into it. Anyways, the War has to be completely different in order to make this an even mildly interesting read. Either way, the pacing is too slow!

11-05-2011, 09:32 PM	#12
The DarIm Professor Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: In dreams. Gender: Male Posts: 309	Personally, it's a guilty pleasure fic for me, though I'd never considered posting it for review on DLP, mainly for the reasons yak gave. Still, it's MUCH better than his other Naruto fic, and I'm following it. Also, with the inclusion of Dead Apostles now, it's bound to get more interesting. And, from my limited knowledge, he seems to have a somewhat accurate grasp of Nasuverse mechanics. The update rate is no too bad either. 3/5. __________________ I shall raise up the dead and they shall eat the living... I shall make the dead outnumber the living. "Great Empedocles, that ardent soul; Leapt into Etna, and was roasted whole" -Richard Osborne

11-05-2011, 10:00 PM	#13
Coelacanth Professor Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Churchville, PA Gender: Male Posts: 320	Accurate interpretation of Nasuverse wuuuuuuuuuuuuut? He completely missed the differences between Gaia and Ea from one of his chapters. That's big. Otherwise, the fic is decent, and that's why it deserves a 3/5. It started out solid, just like everyone has mentioned, but since then it's just dragged on and on. The author is arrogant, and refuses to fix mistakes that people catch so I'm not too impressed with the story anymore. This training montage needs to be sped up and completed.

11-05-2011, 10:14 PM	#14
The DarIm Professor Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: In dreams. Gender: Male Posts: 309	Note that I did say somewhat and mentioned my own limited knowledge. I suppose it's be fairer to say that it doesn't have any errors that would jump at a relative newbie like me. Still, it's a guilty pleasure fic; what more can you expect? __________________ I shall raise up the dead and they shall eat the living... I shall make the dead outnumber the living. "Great Empedocles, that ardent soul; Leapt into Etna, and was roasted whole" -Richard Osborne

11-06-2011, 06:25 AM	#15
1and1is3 Muggle Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Singapore Gender: Female Posts: 23	The thing is that it doesn't catch your interest anymore. It gets worse and worse as it progresses. I'm only reading the story for the sole hope that Tsukihime characters are introduced and the plot actually becomes interesting after that.

11-13-2011, 05:46 AM	#16
Jarik Unspeakable Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Melbourne Age: 24 Gender: Male Posts: 701	Been following this for a while. Definitely a guilty pleasure fic, and even amongst those, a pretty crap one. If this was an equivalent Harry Potter fic, it'd have already have been flamed off DLP. Unfortunately, we don't have much in the way for choice when it comes to Fate Stay Night fics, so we're stuck getting our fix with stuff like this. Average writing, forced character interaction that doesn't feel natural, not great pacing and pretty bland characters. The only thing it has going for it is a few unique plot points. The start might've been a 3/5, but it quickly fell to a 2/5.

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