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Old 05-26-2006, 05:08 PM   #1
annihilation
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Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor by cloneserpents - NC17

Title: Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Author: cloneserpents
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Erotic-Comedy
Pairing: HP/HG
Chapters: 35
Words: 280,235
Published: March 12, 2006
Updated: December 26, 2008
Status: Complete


Summary: Harry receives a surprise visitor, who tells him about a magical object that can be used to hunt and destroy the Horcruxes. But first, Harry needs the help of his friends in order to accomplish this new quest.

Link:
- http://ficwad.com/story/14103
- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2841153/...-of-Gryffindor
- http://fanfiction.portkey.org/index....terid=&agree=1

A very good strory for all Ginny haters out there. It's quite new and has only 6 chapters so far, but promises to be a very good story.


Checked: Nov. 12, 2012
Added links to Portkey and Fanfiction.net

Checked by Dark Syaoran, June 6, 2014
Updated old Ficwad link.

Last edited by Dark Minion; 11-12-2012 at 03:40 PM.
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Old 05-26-2006, 05:59 PM   #2
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When I see "need help of his friends" in the summary and mix it with H/Hr ship, I immedietely know what to expect - one of those fics where Hermione makes all the plans and decisions and Harry is her obidient little puppet that follows her around, just so the fic could still be called HARRY POTTER and not HERMIONE GRANGER, the exciteing advantures of the author's smart and kind yet sexy and world-wise alter-ego.

With 99% of certainty I predict that there's a passage in this story where Harry thinks how Hermione had ALWAYS been right and how she had NEVER failed him and how he didn't appreciate her enough and if he just listened to her, Sirius might have survived and from now on he will ALWAYS listen to her because she knows THE BEST in the whole wide world...

Meh, I might give it a whirl on the off chance that I'm wrong, but I don't hold much hope of that...
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Old 05-26-2006, 06:00 PM   #3
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*points at the first chapter*

Your right IP, but I've read it -- and it's pretty fuckin funny
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jawaharlal Nehru
The common people, of course, knew nothing about these reasons. No one told them. Politicians usually hide their real reasons and talk pompously of religion and justice and truth and the like.
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Old 05-26-2006, 06:17 PM   #4
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@ip82 The story isn't that bad.

Think about the ghost of Gryffindor peeping on Minerva in the shower. It's really hilarious.
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Old 05-26-2006, 08:02 PM   #5
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Yes. The story really is funny. Of course there are some parts about what ip predicted, but the writing style is funny. This story isn't among the 10 funniest stories ever, but it's a good read so far.
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Old 05-26-2006, 11:48 PM   #6
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THIS IS HILARIOUS

His left hand was firmly on her bum, squeezing occasionally, while his other hand had traveled under her blouse and was running over her smooth, warm skin. Of course, this only inflated 'Harry, Jr.'s' attention who was now virtually banging his tin cup against the steel bars of his zipper prison chanting; "Azkaban, Azkaban, Azkaban..."


Hermione stuffed her left hand down the front of Harry's trousers and gave a firm, yet polite and very welcomed handshake to 'Harry, Jr.'

"Oh my..." Harry squeaked as his eyes crossed.

Again, Harry was overjoyed at the fact that he had inherited the over-sized pants he was wearing, for it gave Hermione's hand ample space for movement. "Oh wow... I... wow... this is... neat..."

.

Tears of joy seeped out of 'Harry, Jr.'s eye and a squelching noise emanated from Harry's trousers. Harry's world started to spin. After years of solo practice, he knew he didn't have much time left. He could feel the pressure build up in his loins as 'Harry, Jr.' begged for release. 'This is so much better when someone else does it for you!'

*Crunch*

"Oh god, Hermione..." groaned Harry.

"Oh, Harry..." Hermione said wickedly.

*Crunch*

"What the hell is that noise?" Harry asked in a very perturbed manner. He tore his eyes away from the brunette witch on top of him and saw a leather-clad ghost sitting on the floor eating from a bucket of popcorn. The ghost smiled in a repugnant way and said;

"I told you the brainy ones were naughty
."
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Old 05-27-2006, 02:50 AM   #7
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lmao maybe i'll read this.
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Old 05-27-2006, 03:29 AM   #8
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Thumbs up

Read this earlier this morning, pretty funny.

Definetly worth a look.
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Old 05-27-2006, 09:49 AM   #9
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Well, I was almost completely wrong, because of one little fact that was omitted from the summary - this is a comedy.

All those clishes that would have otherwise grated on my nerves are rendered harmless, thanks to the relaxed and humorous way they were written. How can I get pissed off about Harry being a brainless pansy, when Harry Jr. does most of his thinking anyway?

Seriously, this is actually a very good story. Great sex-related humor and nice not-over-the-top smut make even the HHr pairing surprisingly fun to read. Add to that Gryffindor the pervert and nice dose of Weasley bashing and you get a rather enjoyable story.
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Old 05-27-2006, 10:53 AM   #10
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I have a few good NC-17 stories in my bookmarks, but this is one of the funniest I've ever read.

The best:

"Professor, you know about Gryffindor's... er tendencies?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, I've had the pleasure..." Minerva said the word like it was some contemptuous thing, "... to meet him whilst I was showering four years ago. The scoundrel had offered to towel me off, but his offer specifically excluded using a towel!


@ip82 Genre: Romance, Erotic-Comedy
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Old 05-28-2006, 03:17 AM   #11
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Quote:
"Of course you do. It's the way it's supposed to be."

"Ron, look at her," Harry stated while pointing at Ginny. "She looks like my mother!"

"So, what does that...?" Ron began to debate but then stopped and looked at his sister. Slowly, his eyes started to bulge as the realization that his best mate appeared to have had an Oedipus Complex sunk in Ron's mind. "Eww, that's just wrong..."
This has to be some of thee funniest fiction I have ever read.

Quote:
"If you're the 'hero' and Ron's the 'side kick'," Ginny seethed, her anger flowing off of her skin. "What does that make me?"

"I don't know, Ginny," stated Harry. "Right now, based on your actions, I'd have to say you're nothing more than a crazed stalker!"
/still laughing his ass off/

This person has to be registered here.
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Old 05-29-2006, 01:41 AM   #12
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I hope he is. This is amoung the funniest fics out there. The dry humor makes it all worthwhile.
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Old 05-29-2006, 10:57 PM   #13
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Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by madeyemoody
THIS IS HILARIOUS

His left hand was firmly on her bum, squeezing occasionally, while his other hand had traveled under her blouse and was running over her smooth, warm skin. Of course, this only inflated \'Harry, Jr.\'s\' attention who was now virtually banging his tin cup against the steel bars of his zipper prison chanting; \"Azkaban, Azkaban, Azkaban...\"


Hermione stuffed her left hand down the front of Harry\'s trousers and gave a firm, yet polite and very welcomed handshake to \'Harry, Jr.\'

\"Oh my...\" Harry squeaked as his eyes crossed.

Again, Harry was overjoyed at the fact that he had inherited the over-sized pants he was wearing, for it gave Hermione\'s hand ample space for movement. \"Oh wow... I... wow... this is... neat...\"

.

Tears of joy seeped out of \'Harry, Jr.\'s eye and a squelching noise emanated from Harry\'s trousers. Harry\'s world started to spin. After years of solo practice, he knew he didn\'t have much time left. He could feel the pressure build up in his loins as \'Harry, Jr.\' begged for release. \'This is so much better when someone else does it for you!\'

*Crunch*

\"Oh god, Hermione...\" groaned Harry.

\"Oh, Harry...\" Hermione said wickedly.

*Crunch*

\"What the hell is that noise?\" Harry asked in a very perturbed manner. He tore his eyes away from the brunette witch on top of him and saw a leather-clad ghost sitting on the floor eating from a bucket of popcorn. The ghost smiled in a repugnant way and said;

\"I told you the brainy ones were naughty
.\"
Gryfindor, a peeping tom?! Hilarious. I have never seen that one.
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Old 05-31-2006, 12:20 AM   #14
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I loved it. The newest chapter had me laughing for a long time. The idea of Hermione hanging from the chandelier with her ass hanging out.
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Old 06-04-2006, 09:50 AM   #15
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It was updated again... Pretty funny, but not up to the authors usual golden standard.
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Originally Posted by Jawaharlal Nehru
The common people, of course, knew nothing about these reasons. No one told them. Politicians usually hide their real reasons and talk pompously of religion and justice and truth and the like.
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Old 06-06-2006, 02:16 PM   #16
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Very funny story.
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Old 06-16-2006, 04:11 PM   #17
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Hermione and Ginny having a cat-fight... Cool, haven't seen that one before. And Dune reference was great too.
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Old 06-16-2006, 05:55 PM   #18
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Can this get moved to the Restricted Section where it belongs?
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Originally Posted by Jawaharlal Nehru
The common people, of course, knew nothing about these reasons. No one told them. Politicians usually hide their real reasons and talk pompously of religion and justice and truth and the like.
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Old 06-17-2006, 03:39 AM   #19
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Quote:
Kreacher grumbled and snapped his fingers. A humble and somewhat lumpy bed appeared in front of Harry. With Dobby's snapping fingers, Harry was clothed in a fine set of silk pajamas. Of course the words "World Greatest Wizard" were embroidered on the font of his shirt with an arrow underneath pointing to Harry's crotch.
Cheers nonjon

God this cracks me up. Then again it could be the side-effect of the meds they gave me at the Dentist....
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Old 06-17-2006, 12:21 PM   #20
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I just read chapter 9... HILARIOUS!
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The common people, of course, knew nothing about these reasons. No one told them. Politicians usually hide their real reasons and talk pompously of religion and justice and truth and the like.
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