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Old 06-14-2012, 03:10 PM   #1
Set Phasers to Melt
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Mississippi
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McSweeney's Internet Tendency

Ran across this site earlier today and it had me laughing at a few of the stories/essays. Here are a few of the ones I read, but the site is larger than just this section apparently. Haven't fully explored it yet.
The Ultimate Guide to Writing Better Than You Normally Do.

...Writing is a muscle. Smaller than a hamstring and slightly bigger than a bicep, and it needs to be exercised to get stronger. Think of your words as reps, your paragraphs as sets, your pages as daily workouts. Think of your laptop as a machine like the one at the gym where you open and close your inner thighs in front of everyone, exposing both your insecurities and your genitals. Because that is what writing is all about...

You wake from a deep sleep to find the world eerily quiet except for the faint song of birds and the whistle of the wind. You walk out of your room. Your roommate isn’t home. His room is empty, save for a bare mattress and a dog-eared GRE study guide. You step outside and find the streets deserted. You pull out your phone to see if some catastrophe has occurred. Disease? Neutron bomb? War? Are you left alone in an evacuation zone? You see Facebook is still abuzz with activity, but all of your friends are posting about how much they hate finals. “These people graduated college years ago…” you think. A scrap of paper blows down the street like a tumbleweed and lands on your leg. You look at it: an admissions letter from the NYU creative writing MFA program. Then it hits you. You are the last human left on Earth. Everyone else has gone to graduate school...
I'm Comic Sans, Asshole.

Listen up. I know the shit you’ve been saying behind my back. You think I’m stupid. You think I’m immature. You think I’m a malformed, pathetic excuse for a font. Well think again, nerdhole, because I’m Comic Sans, and I’m the best thing to happen to typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.
Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. But I rather believe than time is a companion who goes with us on the journey, and reminds us to cherish every moment because they'll never come again. What we leave behind is not as important how we lived. After all, Number One, we're only mortal.
~Jean-Luc Picard

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