Dark Lord Potter Forums
Go Back   Dark Lord Potter Forums > Library > General Fics
Donate Register Rules Library List IRC Chat FAQ Members List Social Groups Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Donate to DLP Scryer Banner

 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-13-2007, 03:09 AM   #1
The-Hyphenated-One
Minister for Magic
 
The-Hyphenated-One's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,383
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Crimson by NamelessHeretic - M

Title: Crimson
Author: NamelessHeretic
Rating: M
Genre: Action/Adventure
DLP Category: Independent or Dark
Pairing: None Decided
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,204
Updated: April 24, 2007
Published: December 28, 2006
Status: Complete

Summary: Voldemort had taken everything away from him. His family, his life, his future… Harry Potter would never be the same. In sea of blood, he makes a vow. He would become strong. He would be the strongest. Pairings unknown at the moment.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3313637/1/



Checked by Minion, March 10, 2013
__________________


4 8 15 16 23 42

Harry Dresden-Wizard


When an Underscore just won't cut it

Last edited by Dark Minion; 03-10-2013 at 02:42 PM.
The-Hyphenated-One is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 03:24 AM   #2
C.S.Kaniel
Fourth Year
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Portland, Oregon
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 125
Send a message via AIM to C.S.Kaniel
I'm only halfway through, but I suppose it's okay. Some things bout it cheesed me off, like reading Harry's character. It seems like the author is on the type of road where he could replace the name Harry with Shikamaru and we wouldn't notice because we were already used to Harry's lazyness. Plus the fact that I just read a paragraph with the term 'sweatdropped' in it. Makes me mad when anime expressions are used in hp fanfiction. Plus, the cloak he bought=ninjaness. Though I may just be reading into it too much.

I do however, find his Dumbledore intriguing. I haven't seen a Dumbledore who SEEMS manipulative, but is completely in the palms of someones hands from the start, and having it NOT be Harry. Who it is remains to be seen, but meh.

4/5 as of now.

Last edited by C.S.Kaniel; 02-13-2007 at 03:56 AM.
C.S.Kaniel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 05:28 PM   #3
Roguelyvisage
First Year
 
Roguelyvisage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 20
eh

As anime references go...Shikamaru is the only character in that show who isn't a damn emo...so i'll give it a read.
Roguelyvisage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 06:01 PM   #4
Anarual
Seventh Year
 
Anarual's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 236
DLP Supporter Donor Star
WTF is Shikamaru ? anime expressions ? ....*Anarual hates anime and after seeing 1 minute of one of the movies wanted to throw his tv out of the window*
Anarual is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 06:13 PM   #5
deathinapinkboa
Minister for Magic
 
deathinapinkboa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Democratic Republic of The Congo
Age: 13
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,279
It reads like he is writing a rather awful movie script. I'm not overly in love...at all.

I couldn't finish what is up.

I wouldn't bother wasting the time it takes to click on the link, if I were you.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Terry Pratchett
Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb -- they're often students, for heaven's sake.
Waht may seem lkie a cuasal drisgerad for sepllnig and gammrar is atcalluy my dyxsleia shniing thougrh.
deathinapinkboa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 06:19 PM   #6
kit
Second Year
 
kit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Gender: Male
Posts: 74
Send a message via AIM to kit
While this is one of his lesser works, I believe that NamelessHeretic has some very good stuff, just check his profile. This story is just too "ninjaish" for me to take. I HATE stories where Harry goes around throwing magic ninja stars or cutting people up with katanas.
__________________
War. War never changes.
kit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 06:19 PM   #7
ip82
Prisoner
 
ip82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,921
This is a great start so far, but it's too early to tell how good the story itself will become. So far, the only bummer is Neville the Boy Who Lived (for real - not the fake one). Harry will need to find a replacement purpose in life FAST, or I'm afraid he might turn into a side character, cleaning up DE's while BWL!Neville does all the important stuff.

BTW, hasn't this been posted yet?
__________________
IP82 stories:

Potter's Resistance 1: Breaking Ties -> DLP Thread
Yin and Yang -> DLP Thread

Ficwad Profile || HP Recycle Bin || Crap filter C2
Rule no. 1 - You do not talk about Alpha Fight Club...
ip82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 06:43 PM   #8
The-Hyphenated-One
Minister for Magic
 
The-Hyphenated-One's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,383
DLP Supporter Donor Star
I looked around and checked the list but I didn't find it. I thought it had been posted already too.
__________________


4 8 15 16 23 42

Harry Dresden-Wizard


When an Underscore just won't cut it
The-Hyphenated-One is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2007, 07:38 PM   #9
C.S.Kaniel
Fourth Year
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Portland, Oregon
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 125
Send a message via AIM to C.S.Kaniel
Quote:
Originally Posted by kit View Post
I HATE stories where Harry goes around throwing magic ninja stars or cutting people up with katanas.
Erm, I wouldn't go quite that far. His primary(and only) weapon so far is his wand. And the only true ninjaish thing he's done is sneak through shadows in knockturn so he doesn't get molested or something. It may seem to have ninjaish elements, but I don't see Harry going 'ryu 1337 n1nj4 shuriken ATTACK!!11!1 anytime soon.
C.S.Kaniel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 08:25 AM   #10
Cthulu
Third Year
 
Cthulu's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 107
The only real ninja aspect I have found in this story is that cloak he baught.

Quote:
As anime references go...Shikamaru is the only character in that show who isn't a damn emo...so i'll give it a read
I... Fail to see your point?
When I hear the name Shikamaru, I think Naruto, and the only character there that's even remotely emo is... hmm... can't think of one =\

But indeed, this Harry is rather similar to Shikamaru, except for the whole "lazy" part, well, actually... The only thing they have in common is the fact that they're both really smart.

Review:
The grammar in the story is rather dismal at places, and Harry is just not written in a way that I like, this story would probably have been much better if written in 1st person.

Besides the lacking grammar the story is rather enjoyable and deserves, in my opinion, a 3.5/5 (~4/5)
__________________
'Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh Wgah'nagl fhtan.'
'In His House at R'lyeh Dead Cthulhu waits dreaming, yet He shall rise and His kingdom shall cover the Earth.'


That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange æons, even death may die.
Cthulu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 09:21 AM   #11
carl
Slug Club Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 194
What's baught? Does it have any relation to bought?

3/5 so far as it's nothing majorly great story wise yet but spelling is okay. Going to re-read again just for good measure.
__________________
Professional Forum Lurker, reporting for posting duty!

Last edited by carl; 02-14-2007 at 09:37 AM.
carl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2007, 11:36 AM   #12
japanese_jew
High Inquisitor
 
japanese_jew's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 598
Not bad, not bad at all. The new interaction with the ladies is looking interesting. Somewhere between 3.5 and 4.25, a few more chapters will make up my mind.
japanese_jew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2007, 06:36 AM   #13
ulkser
Groundskeeper
 
ulkser's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Heidelberg
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 386
Send a message via MSN to ulkser
i like this stroy a lot. the harry in the story develops into a slytherin!harry very well unlike the other stories in which harry becomes perfect slytherin at the age 16 over a night. i would give it a 5 if the harry-hermione interaction in the story didn't exist. i really wish this fic didn't turn into a HH one. so 4/5
__________________
"nothing exists except through human consciousness"
George Orwell
ulkser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2007, 03:55 PM   #14
Myst
Headmaster
 
Myst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Ahoskie, NC
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,186
Its not going to, according to the author.

Anyways I liked this story well enough. 4/5

Also apparently my review and a few PM's managed to get the author to totally revise his outline.. haha.
__________________


My Harry Potter Fic:

To Win a War

PC | FF.net
Myst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2007, 08:30 PM   #15
DreamRed
Seventh Year
 
DreamRed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 224
Not too bad. So far Harry looks like he's on his way to becoming a darker takes-shit-from-no-one style character, and the author doesn't waste Harry's words. At all. Promising, but still to early to really tell how it'll play out. I read a reasonable amount into some of his other stories awhile ago and didn't like them very much because of some of the cliché bad boy attitudes used for Harry, but this seems better. 4/5 for now.
__________________
"Power is in tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing." George Orwell, 1984
DreamRed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-16-2007, 12:52 AM   #16
yojorocks
Seventh Year
 
yojorocks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Columbus, OH
Gender: Male
Posts: 286
Pretty decent Harry so far, but have to admit that it is a much more... involved AU than I anticipated from the summary. It's starting point as young as it is could be a major downfall: Very, very few fics that start this young continue past through 4th year before the author gets sick of it or loses sight of their goal. Regardless, that's the future and the current progress isn't half bad. The portrayal of Nelville seems a bit over-the-top, but Hermione and Ron seem very close to their canon selves. I like the bloodthirsty Harry, but honestly I think that Snape treated the situation wrong. Passing up a chance to send Potter Spawn to a wizarding shrink? Why on earth would he miss out on a chance like that?

4/5-Good story, even if it isn't the easiest to wrap one's mind around, but nothing over-the-top extraordinary.
__________________
"Killing for peace is like fucking for virginity." -Shima, An Assassin's Memories
yojorocks is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2007, 04:07 AM   #17
BioPlague
MD
 
BioPlague's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: United States
Age: 32
Posts: 2,560
DLP Supporter Donor Star
BioPlague Advisory and Warning System

Where I stopped: Shortly after beginning of Chapter 5
Reason for stopping: The first three chapters were fairly decent and even interesting in some regards; there were some old somewhat overused sub-plots that had a fresh spin to them that seemed to be going places. Then the fourth chapter happened. It's one of those chapters where you skim through it and say 'Fuck it.' I gave it the benefit of the doubt and moved to the fifth chapter.

Unfortunately, the anime-'isms' had been racking up and the introduction of a Philosopher's Stone-Canon!Hermione and face-vaulting did it for me. It was nice while it lasted but it was one too many cliches and, technically, I did a bulk of the Potter Laws and I definitely endorse the no-anime bullshit.

Problems and Warnings:
- Face Vaulting. Sweat Dropping. Major Potter Law broken here.
- The first three chapters lull you into a sense that this story will be Acceptable; Chapter four skull-fucks you into remembering that any story, any where at any random point could take a fast trip south of the border. Chapter four was Harry being something no 11 year old boy should be. And it was a bitch to get through.
- Canon!Philosopher'sStone!Hermione. We read through that once and made it through with the battle scars. C'mon. Give us a break.
- Did I mention face vaulting? Because that shit's retarded.

Either way, give this story a spin past where I started if the chapter and a half don't ruin it for you. The beginning and Lily's character were very interesting and actually the highlight of the story. It's all down hill from there - Poor.
__________________

2|4|6|4|6

Last edited by BioPlague; 02-17-2007 at 04:13 AM.
BioPlague is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2007, 04:22 AM   #18
Lord Necros
Slug Club Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: USA
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 186
Send a message via AIM to Lord Necros Send a message via MSN to Lord Necros Send a message via Yahoo to Lord Necros
Plus I am willing to guess the pairing Harry/cum breath(ginny) because this is the writers standard pairing and no I have not read it so no rating
__________________
Lord Necros is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2007, 12:19 AM   #19
Hadoren
High Inquisitor
 
Hadoren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 500
This fic gets a 3.5/5.

It's alright, but the author honestly needs to start thinking about things before he writes them down.

Major plot mistakes (going by the storyline):

1st The whole Knockturn Alley episode (chapter 4). Why in the world does Harry go out to Knockturn Alley at night? It's not exactly illegal to go at daytime, and he's not the Boy-Who-Lived. Also - supercliche coming up - Harry gets his uber-secret device that breaks magical tracking by...going into Borgan and Burkes...as an 11-year-old...while the Ministry doesn't know about this...This just screams NOT-A-WELL-THOUGHT-OUT-IDEA. And then, to add a bit more stupidity to the whole episode, the author states it was pointless because Harry could've done magic in Diagon Alley without anybody noticing.

2nd the author talks about Harry's inability to open a magical book and then says he'll do it in Hogwarts. Once there, he forgets all about it.

3rd Harry has seen Death-Eaters kill his family, specifically Bellatrix Lestrange. He now sleeps daily with the sons of suspected Death Eaters and relatives of Lestrange (i.e. Draco Malfoy). Why in the world isn't he taking his just revenge upon them?

4th The Harry-Dumbledore scene just plain sucked.

The mistake in Harry's side of the conversation is that he's very rude to a highly respected adult wizard who's his headmaster without having the author give reason whatsoever for this other than a slight dislike for Neville beforehand. This is the trap that nearly all Independent!Harry stories fall into, where Harry insults the headmaster. He just says,

Quote:
 
“I… accept help, from you?” he asked. Dumbledore nodded. Harry frowned, considering.

Here is where you can put a great scene developing Harry's character, the story, and the relationship between Harry and Dumbledore. Imagine how good the scene could've been! The author could've had Harry make have a great emotional argument inside his head reflecting on whether to follow what Dumbldore wants.

After a long, awkward silence, he smirked. Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled.

“No.”
Look to Dumbledore's side of the conversation. The author gives absolutely no logical reason why Dumbledore - the greatest wizard in Britain - would give a fuck about an ambitious 1st year, especially one that isn't the Boy-Who-Lived. Moreover, he shouldn't automatically label Harry as an enemy when he refuses. After all, as a patient century-old wizard, he should know that if 1st time doesn't always succeed; you can try, try again.

This leads to the next problem, which is the conflict. Simply put, it's nonexistent. Neville's the Boy-Who-Lived, not Harry. The only thing the story's going to be about is the childhood of a powerful wizard. If you want to read that, go read...I can't think of any book which makes a person great without obstacles.

Now, the previous two problems (Dumbledore's concern with Harry and the conflict) can be solved if the author has a secret plan for Harry Potter where he's special - judging from the author's writing so far, Harry's part demon.

Another great mistake is that Harry's personality wildly switches from a anime-style fun-loving/sleepy/hungry kid to a dark, dangerous person deeply affected by his experience where his mother died and determined to learn magic. For example, it first states:
Quote:
 
Why hello there, Mr. Potter… hmmm… quite an ambitious one I see. Rules do not apply, eh? Oh my, that’s a rather brutal outlook on life… yes… no prejudices against the more unsavory magics I see… ah, and you’re studying occlumency, quite impressive!
A few lines later, the author writes:
Quote:
 
“Oh, my apologies, I’m getting off track.”

“I forgive you,” whispered Harry, feeling slightly agitated. He needed food… NOW!
On the other hand, the author definately has an engaging writing style that keeps a reader interested in the story.

Edit: It's better than 95% of the shit on fanfiction.net. In addition, it's probably the only new acceptable Independent!Harry story that I've began to follow in the past 2 months.

The anime-style stuff was funny to me when I first read the story, but when pointed out it does become slightly annoying - although still humorous.

One cool aspect of his work is that he gives deep analysis - I mean, for example:

Quote:
 
His first impression was that the boy was a tad arrogant, incredibly judgmental (as he had branded Harry a ‘bad guy’ within five minutes of speaking with him), and in love with his own legend. However, he was nonetheless skilled with his magic and his wand, and would prove to be a worthy opponent in a duel… Now, while in a magic-only duel, Harry held no illusions that he was outclassed at the moment. However, Harry had an edge over Neville.

Harry wasn’t afraid to throw himself into the duel… to throw in his life, his soul, his everything. He had no rules, no internal qualms about combat. Neville was still restricted by society’s standards of playing ‘fair.’ Fools… true battle was never fair. The strong lived and the weak died… that was it.

That was everything.
There is one unique idea, which is basically that Dumbledore is under the control of a secret group of wizards.

Lastly, I continue to follow this story because it expertly avoided the 1st-year quagmire so many stories get stuck in. 2 chapters and it's finished, having only touched upon the necessary plot points. Oh yeah, and Harry's in Slytherin! Yeah!

Holy fuck, my review ran away from me. I originally just wanted it to be a paragraph.
__________________
Gil-galad was a Elven-king.
Of him the harpers sadly sing:
the last whose realm was fair and free
betweeen the Mountains and the Sea

His sword was long, his lance was keen,
his shining helm afar was seen;
the countless stars of heaven's field
were mirrored in his silver shield.

Last edited by Hadoren; 02-19-2007 at 01:19 AM. Reason: Acceptable Fic
Hadoren is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-19-2007, 10:25 AM   #20
ip82
Prisoner
 
ip82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,921
I really didn't notice any of these these illusive anime aspects that had garnered so much critique. And that's saying something, considering I'm almost allergic to that shit.

The story is still rather good IMO. The biggest problem so far was the clumsy and rushed conclusion of the first year. Skipping scenes is one thing, but this sort of casual dismissal had left us lacking too many details IMO.

Let's say, 4.3/5
__________________
IP82 stories:

Potter's Resistance 1: Breaking Ties -> DLP Thread
Yin and Yang -> DLP Thread

Ficwad Profile || HP Recycle Bin || Crap filter C2
Rule no. 1 - You do not talk about Alpha Fight Club...
ip82 is offline   Reply With Quote

Tags
author:namelessheretic, complete, independent


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Crimson Room series LINKed up Real Life Discussion 9 07-17-2006 12:53 AM
Crimson Editor Taure The Humor Mill 1 07-11-2006 01:38 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:36 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright ©2005 - 2016 DLP Group. All rights reserved.
No personal intellectual property on this site may be used without the credit and express permission of the respective authors.