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Old 03-11-2007, 08:58 AM   #1
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An Interesting Outcome by Grey Quill - T

Title: An Interesting Outcome
Author: Grey Quill
Rating: T
Genre: General
DLP Category: General or Independent
Pairing: None as of yet
Status: WIP
Summary: On the night of Voldemort's downfall his soul is split again, one flees Godric's Hollow and the other takes up residence in Harry Potter. With no one the wiser, including his other half, Harry RiddlePotter maneuvers freely, gaining allies and enemies.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3332539/1/

This is a story start I haven't seen done well before. There are several neat twists to Harry/Voldemort gaining control of his magic young, and it looks as if its progressing towards a Dark Harry with some pretty good plans. I particularly liked the way he's going about getting 'loyal followers'. The writing isn't excellent in places and there are quite a few errors in the first few chapters, but I'm beta'ing for her and cleaning these up, so if you can overlook them then it's got a lot of potential. Worth a try at any rate. I'm currently giving it a 4.3/5 because there hasn't been an update in awhile.
"Power is in tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing." George Orwell, 1984
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Old 03-11-2007, 05:02 PM   #2
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To me it looks like just another BabyH/Bigol'V story. Its better then most and there are a lot of these around. But nothing unique yet. I think it will be just another half attempt.
I give it a 2.8/5
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Old 03-12-2007, 11:18 AM   #3
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This isn't a masterwork of fanfiction by any means, but I still enjoyed reading it. It has got some interesting new ideas, or at least ideas I haven't seen before, such as the triplets.

I'll give it a 4/5 as reading it is perfectly pleasant and occasionally interesting.
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Old 03-12-2007, 07:22 PM   #4
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It took up some of my time without me clicking the back button so i'd give it 2.5/5.
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Old 03-13-2007, 12:01 PM   #5
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Well I haven't read the baby Harry/Voldemort plot device much, so I may not be as jaded as other readers. So far I like it, the way he is acquiring followers is awesome, a very nice dark twist.

The writing is not spectacular, and awkward in several places but it evens out a bit. Hopefully with a beta that will be taken care of. Other than that I am not a fan of Voldemort's characterization, I think she is taking away things that make Voldemort essentially Voldemort.

One also has to wonder where Harry is in this new Harry/Volde amalgam. But I think she is developing that still so its possible we see some of him in the next chapters, so far he features mostly as emotions.

This plot device does have potential, especially with possible confrontations with the other split soul of Voldemort. I hope she stays with the fic and continues.

The writing is average and because of that the flow isn't great and you miss out on what could really be interesting portrayal of Voldemort with baby impulses. So 3/5 for that, but some delightful disturbing moments make me give the story a 4/5.
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Old 03-13-2007, 12:14 PM   #6
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I read this a while back. Not interested. I want to read about Harry, not Voldemort who calls himself Harry. And he's too powerful; doesn't seem he'll have a challenge. Meh...
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Old 03-15-2007, 05:09 PM   #7
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That's always been one of the downfalls of FanFiction. They try and give Harry great power with only temporary sacrifice. A few seconds, or even minutes of intense pain isn't enough. Make him like Voldemort or Dumbledore. Dumbledore, in my theories, got his power at the cost of any real companionship, and Voldemort gave up his sanity and humanity for it. Harry screaming does not work.

Besides, the author has to kinda keep Voldemort and Harry separate. It makes sense to have them really merge, yes, but that creates and entirely new character. That being said though, there isn't even a trace of another personality in there that might be Harry, so 2/5.

Last edited by afrojack; 03-15-2007 at 05:23 PM.
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Old 03-16-2007, 01:15 AM   #8
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Hmm.. I like your thoughts on that subject afrojack. Now, on topic time,please remember when reading this review I tend to be an asshole when it comes to fanfics that don't seem readable to me within the first chapter.

This story blows harder than a category five hurricane and sucks as hard as Ginny Weasly. Now that I've voiced my opinion it's time to make a simple observation. Gray Quill don't have a proofreader, there's an abundance of run on sentence, inconsistent tenses, needles repetition, awkward word choice, and an abundance of telling not showing. These are the little things that can ruin even the greatest of story concepts which this could have been.

Now that I've bitched about the technicle problems with the story lets move on to failing concepts. For starters.
Harry, as he now called himself, had spent the past six months either strengthening his body, watching the television and learning about muggles or studying the entirety of his campaign to conquer the wizarding world in depth. He had found several glaring mistakes that he made, firstly was his hatred of muggleborns, it was irrational, illogical and endangered the existence of the wizarding world. Next was his all too public attacks, it scared the public sheep and lessened his recruiting and sympathizer potential. The muggles had made frightening progress from what he had seen on the television, and so now they were a huge danger to all things magical. Doing magic was still out of his reach, it still seemed to slip through his mental fingers every time he tried to draw it out.
Now there is no actual proof in cannon Voldemort actually believes in Pureblood supremacy or if it's just his chosen angle for recruitment, but there is proof Voldemort is an unrepentant egomaniac and would never give up the powertrip his fear campaign was giving him. He would probably rot in hell before forsaking the name he took so much pride in as well. Please note the aforementioned telling not showing where instead of an interesting scene of Voldemort trying to use his magic and failing we get one sentence to illustrate a potentially important plot point. It's not by the way even without his wand and magic "Harry" seems to be perfectly capable of low grade mind control, educing fatal heart conditions, manipulating pregnancies and controlling the magical potential of a unborn child. That last part could get him a blow job from any expecting Pureblooded family in cannon.

In total I'm willing to give this a two out of five. While suffering from several fatal flaws a weeks worth of revising could raise this story from a two to a three maybe even four out of five
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Old 03-16-2007, 05:36 PM   #9
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The main issue I have here is that Harry's non-existent. Harry's personality and presence are strong, and it shows when he expels Voldie from his mind in the DoM, so to have him absent grates on my nerves a lot. It's also why Harry being Draco's bitch in every slash fic makes me want to blow a fangirls head off, despite wanting to do so just because they wrote it in the first place.
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