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Grim Reaper by grumblingFBIspy - T

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Bittersweet, Apr 21, 2007.

2.2857100963593/5, 7 votes
  1. Bittersweet

    Bittersweet Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2007
    Messages:
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    Apr 21, 2007 #1
    Title : Grim Reaper
    Author : grumblingFBIspy (= Bittersweet)
    Rating : T
    Genre : Dark Action/Adventure
    DLP Category : Azkaban Fic
    Pairing : None as yet (no slash)
    Status : Work in Progress
    Summary : Harry was framed by friends he thought were muggles. He's dragged away like Sirius was, laughing manically. While breaking out a strange event occurs, and now he's part dementor and out for bloody revenge.
    Link : http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2240115/1/

    Any and all criticism and suggestions are welcome.
    If my story seems cliché or unlikely, then please read my profile (fanfiction) I've explained it there (the explanation doesn't interfere with the plot)
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2007
  2. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

    Joined:
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    Apr 21, 2007 #2
    Skimmed the first chapter and it seems like your standard, God!Harry cliche'd Azkaban fic.

    Edit for C2: Chapter 2 is pretty much more of the same, betrayal revealed ext ext, nothing new to see here folks.

    Edit-edit for C3: Same ole' here too. Harry confronts DD. Harry's 'friends' try and reunite, but he's stubborn. Nothing new.

    Edit for C4: So, again, nothing new. Harry's making his own army, because a teenager who's had his mind raped and has been locked in a cell for years is capable, mhm.

    2/5. 1/5 if you loathe the genre.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2007
  3. huntedorange

    huntedorange Seventh Year

    Joined:
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    Apr 21, 2007 #3
    I'm sure this would of been a very good fic if i couldn't literally predict everything that was going happen. Pretty much your average, ordinary-if slightly better written- azkaban fic. Cant say i recommend at all.
     
  4. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    Apr 21, 2007 #4
    Hmmm ... publishing of the story started in January 2005. Indeed, 27 months ago some of the clichés weren't used that often. But even at the beginning of 2005 there had already been some really good Azkaban fics, so the theme itself was well known back then.

    Sadly we now are in 2007 and nowadays the story doesn't contain anything new.

    Your style isn't bad but it isn't brilliant either. The story would be ok if it wasn't describing scenes already written by dozens of fanfic authors all over the net. But to catch my attention with an outworn theme you'd need to be brilliant.

    You asked for suggestions, and I'd say, instead of rewriting the same story again you should start an entirely new fic. Don't cling to this thing just because you once started to write it. The reviews indicate you didn't update since mid-2005, so most of your old readers won't remember neither you nor your story.

    Look through the cliché and anti-cliché threads here at DLP and you'll learn what not to write.

    I second Xiph's rating: 2/5 for Azkaban inmates and 1/5 for the rest. I am a part of the rest.
     
  5. doc_gerbil

    doc_gerbil Sixth Year

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    Apr 21, 2007 #5
    a celebration in mediocrity. nothing caught my eye, the writing was just fine, with a lot of poorly used commas and tense disagreements. plus, i eventually get tired of hearing how pissed off and UBER1337supercoolsweet harry is and how everyone else sucks. gives very little room for character development.
    1.5/5
     
  6. Son of the Forsaken

    Son of the Forsaken Third Year

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    Location:
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    Apr 27, 2007 #6
    The only thing I see that I haven't seen much is the fact that Harry is part dementor.
    Otherwise a typical 3/5 story.
     
  7. Scrittore

    Scrittore Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2009
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    Aug 14, 2009 #7
    Well first off, this story is 5 chapters and abandoned.

    I read the first chapter, and came across the same problems that everyone before me did. I skimmed the other chapters and Xiph0 was on the money. The only difference is a crap 5th chapter has been added since his review.

    As stated earlier, the cliche and butchering of this genre was old back then in 2007 and 2005. It's now mid-2009, which makes this story even worse.

    I'll third Xiph0's opinion, giving this story a 2/5 for those who enjoy the genre and a 1/5 for those who don't.

    Thankfully this isn't in the Library.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2009