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Old 11-10-2005, 11:09 AM   #1
TaldMar
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Destiny Remade by mrriddler - M

Title: Destiny Remade
Author: mrriddler
Rating: M
Category: General/Romance
Status: DISCONTINUED
Summary: A wiser, battle hardened Harry is thrown back in time AND into AU world. Given chance to reshape the world, but will he? Superish kick Bumblebee's arse Harry. Romance: harem, fem slash, elves, veelas... no slash. Pro Gabrielle, Lavender, Patils, Sly girls
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2595633/1/

I think a good story so far he has 2 chapters out. They are background on the future world Harry is from. Harry was betrayed at some point became a dark lord and took over basically all mortal realms. He is also part demon.

Last edited by nonjon; 01-18-2008 at 12:12 PM. Reason: Edited to change status to DISCONTINUED
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Old 11-10-2005, 07:35 PM   #2
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Heh. Summary doesnt really do the story justice if that's what Harry become. Sounds good so i'll give it a whirl.
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Old 11-11-2005, 02:59 AM   #3
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Just nailed down the current two chapters. The kids an absolute slut banging anything with a hole! like where its going though, his got power but it never mentioned him fighting...only fucking! though it's better then a lot of the fics travelling on FF net.
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Old 11-11-2005, 08:59 AM   #4
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i liked this for some reason... i dun care what you think... its .. decent... nut i still like it
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Old 12-03-2005, 08:48 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord Osiris
Just nailed down the current two chapters. The kids an absolute slut banging anything with a hole! like where its going though, his got power but it never mentioned him fighting...only fucking! though it's better then a lot of the fics travelling on FF net.
wow...ahm it's already being pass around I see. He, Osiris is pretty much right, though that's actually the opposite of what I had been planning. I'll definitely revamp these two chapters at some point. A few of the few characters I see disappearing at some point.

Yeah, it makes no sense, granted. But the real story hasn't started yet...probably around chp 4 in the AU world. And I'll try to explain why Harry is basically a man whore. Two points:

1. I want to get the major background ships in with the least number of chapters possible which left little to anything else i.e. fighting. There's no fighting now so people don't develop the impression that Harry should obliviate the AU voldie as soon as he goes over...which he could as he is right now. Way I see it, I can always toss in fireworks via flashback later.

2. Harry's going to be gone for a long time. So naturally his girls will be getting off on each other...hence the fem slash rating (The pronouns are gonna murder me). Thought I should make Harry's last experience memorable.

Do tell me if your impression of it changes. My fear is that once the plox becomes too complex and absorbs, I'll forget to write in any action. :wink: I'm working a fighting scene...a few actually for chapter 3.

And thanks for the review vash. Much appreciated :P I kind of tried to be unorthadox with it so that it doesn't fall under any of the major genres. Mehe, guess we'll see. And looking forward to next chapter on your story as well.
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Old 12-04-2005, 12:35 AM   #6
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Your a good author riddle and i do like the story just hanging out for some fight scenes, can't wait for your update...how long will it be?
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Old 12-04-2005, 04:31 AM   #7
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Yea, I liked this a lot. I have a high hopes from this story once the AU things gets rolling. First two chapters were great and all... just a little too confusing at times. Too many new characters & concepts, elves, demons and whatnot... It just didn't seem like HP universe at all.
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Old 12-04-2005, 10:00 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by ip82
Yea, I liked this a lot. I have a high hopes from this story once the AU things gets rolling. First two chapters were great and all... just a little too confusing at times. Too many new characters & concepts, elves, demons and whatnot... It just didn't seem like HP universe at all.
Your right, it's not. It's heavily innudated with Forgotten Realms/Dungeons & Dragon stuff. It's not necessary to have background knowledge though it might make sense later when I talk about the various cultures, habits and stereotypes ... i.e. why Harry's empire would have a matriarchal (except himself) leaning beacuse of Drow influence, etc.

I got chapter 3 lined up...which has one magical fighting scene with Harry (no beef up spells though) and a physical fighting scene/cat fight... hehe. But I got crap load of essays to do, including a 7 page one tomorrow..so ha. Glad to see it's fairly well recieved thus far. Keep the reviews coming. :P
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Old 12-13-2005, 10:13 AM   #9
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Chapter 3:
Excellent! I like the way your writting is full of sexual innuendo and passion. That's probably the highest point of your story.

I'm not sure I like how you kept writing what's going on in the old world as well as in the new one. I would prefer to see Harry leaving his old world behind and starting his conquest anew, while slowly unlocking his powers... That would be way more interesting than him sitting with his thumbs in his arse, waiting for his girls to come and rescue him. Also, it's kinda confusing to follow the same characters in two different timelines. Now, if you'd have the girls go through the same ritual and throw them back in the AU with him, that would be something...

As for Sirius & Remus, I'd prefer to see Sirius as a playboy and sort of a favourite rich uncle for all the kids (sex talk between him and Harry has a lot of potential). Remus should start a family of his own AND donate a few girls for Harry's harem (relationship with a wolf-girl could be cool).

Anyway, hurry up with the next chappy, I want to see more of this AU!
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Old 05-26-2007, 12:30 AM   #10
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Destiny Remade by Mrriddler - M

Title: Destiny Remade
Author: Mrriddler
Rating: M
Genre: General/Romance
DLP Category: AU
Pairing: Harry/Harem[
Status: Work in Progress
Summary: Godly Harry is thrown back in time AND into AU world. He has the chance to reshape this world, save his family and old friends, but will he and should he? Demon Harry, knowsuses dark arts. NOT lightsided Harry. Romance: harem, fem slash, elves, veelas...
Link:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2595633/1/

I found this when I was browsing around FF.net... Not too bad.. 4/5 But I don't think that most of you guys would agree with me...
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Old 05-26-2007, 12:46 AM   #11
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Wow...I'm not even gonna try. I don't care how well it's written; there's no way I'm reading this. That summary kills any desire of mine to read it.
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Old 05-26-2007, 01:18 AM   #12
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If that's true, then don't post. The Summary honestly wasn't' that bad, expect for the little typos where the author ran out of room to type.

I'll leave the real review later, sorry for taking more attention away from the story.

~Stal

The real summary, as told by chapter one.

Quote:
Summary: A FAR wiser, potent and battle hardened Harold James Potter is thrown back in time into an AU world, where he is given the chance to reshape the world as he knows. Will he ultimately succeed in effecting changes for the better or will he only hasten the disasters that befell the magical world?
Edit2: Dude, this hasn't been updated for TWO years, why post it if it's abandoned?
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Last edited by Stalicon; 05-26-2007 at 01:21 AM.
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Old 05-26-2007, 01:30 AM   #13
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I thought MrRiddler had stopped writing anything.


Will review after i read.
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Old 05-26-2007, 02:03 AM   #14
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I thought MrRiddler had stopped writing anything.


Will review after i read.
Don't think he has stopped writing, it's just seems that he has moved from Harry Potter to Naruto.
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Old 05-26-2007, 07:23 AM   #15
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Seriously Unimpressed

The very. first. paragraph.

Quote:
oh Harry, Im so sorrryy. His throat choked on barely surprised emotions as he held the horribly wounded body of one of his friend and compatriot close to him. Her cloth was badly ripped and dirtied and blood was seeping from huge gushes on her body in copious amounts.
Spelling and grammar errors, oh let me count the ways...

Uncapitalized first letters in sentences. Choking on barely surprised emotions? One of his friend? Her cloth? And I think there probably needs to be a comma or two added to the last sentence. Or a burning...

Now, I'm not normally a spelling Nazi (sort of a glass houses, sledgehammers situation) but I do demand a bare modicum of editing. Which, as far as I can tell, this story has had none of. But even if you can wade through the various technical distractions, you then have to cope with the "plot". Plot being used in a tentative fashion.

The story starts by dropping you into the middle of a post D-day world; a technique that when used properly hits you hard from the beginning, then slowly seduces you as the back story unfurls even as current action continues. When used properly. Here, we simply show up in the middle of a war, with characters whose names are familiar... and absolutely nothing else. They sure don't act like any of the characters we've met in the books. And all of this might be somewhat bearable and redeemable, if only it didn't drag on for thousands of words too long.

Add all of that to a last update of a year and a half ago, and the strong likelihood that the next update will be approximately never, and I sincerely doubt this fic is one for the record books. Or even the library.

I'd give it? Maybe 1/5.
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Old 05-26-2007, 08:19 AM   #16
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Strangely I don't really liked it. I found that Harry is for a demon too much sentimental.

Other problem is that the story really don't flow well, the cut between the scene are badly done and the flash back aren't well integrate in the story.

I really don't like the fact that he keeps writing what's going on in his old world as well as in the new one. It's kind annoying because I can't bring me to care for his harem and the petty fight they have.

Other major drawback: his french is bad, not the worst I have seen but still... For me this make the story annoying.

So I didn't really like the 3 first chapters; the fourth was better but I can't see him updates.

3/5
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Old 05-26-2007, 08:24 AM   #17
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Someone reposted this fic in the "FOR REVIEW" section, and having wandered onto the site, I thought I'd do my share for promoting the cause of solicited criticism. Nonjon came by, pointed out this fic had already been reviewed, and invited us over to express our opinions here. I don't normally bump dead threads, but I noticed my opinion of the story differed in several respects from those already posted. (No offense intended). And since fics stay in the library, I figure that means opinions stay relevant. ;-)

To restate my case:

The very. first. paragraph.


Quote:
oh Harry, Im so sorrryy. His throat choked on barely surprised emotions as he held the horribly wounded body of one of his friend and compatriot close to him. Her cloth was badly ripped and dirtied and blood was seeping from huge gushes on her body in copious amounts.
Spelling and grammar errors, oh let me count the ways...

Uncapitalized first letters in sentences. Choking on barely surprised emotions? One of his friend? Her cloth? And I think there probably needs to be a comma or two added to the last sentence. Or a burning...

Now, I'm not normally a spelling Nazi (sort of a glass houses, sledgehammers situation) but I do demand a bare modicum of editing. Which, as far as I can tell, this story has had none of. But even if you can wade through the various technical distractions, you then have to cope with the "plot". Plot being used in a tentative fashion.

The story starts by dropping you into the middle of a post D-day world; a technique that when used properly hits you hard from the beginning, then slowly seduces you as the back story unfurls even as current action continues. When used properly. Here, we simply show up in the middle of a war, with characters whose names are familiar... and absolutely nothing else. They sure don't act like any of the characters we've met in the books. And all of this might be somewhat bearable and redeemable, if only it didn't drag on for thousands of words too long.

Add all of that to a last update of a year and a half ago, and the strong likelihood that the next update will be approximately never, and I sincerely doubt this fic is one for the record books. Or even the library.

I'd give it? Maybe 1/5.

---

EDIT: I will admit I kind of enjoyed the last chapter, (more the possibilities I see in it), although I'm not sure it was worth slogging through the first three. Might bump it up to 2/5. Still not sure I'd have kept it in the library, especially as it seems to now be on permanent hiatus while barely at all into the story.
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Old 05-26-2007, 12:02 PM   #18
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The only defense I'll offer is that the story was written in the course of 3 months in 2005 without an editor what so ever. In fiction fandom, that was a while ago.

Also back then, the community was fairly small and many gave anywhere from a bit of to extraordinary degree of leniency towards new writers who joined. I know that and I'm thankful for it. The two above critics are probably right on every account but then I honestly don't even remember the story. So meh...

edit: Ok, I finally added the discontinued tag.
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Old 05-26-2007, 06:40 PM   #19
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Interesting story, I love it. I only wonder what you have in store for Harry... how much different is the timeline in this universe than Canon?
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Old 05-27-2007, 08:44 AM   #20
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edit: Ok, I finally added the discontinued tag.
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