Dark Lord Potter Forums Dark Lord Potter Forums  

Go Back   Dark Lord Potter Forums > Library > Almost Recommended
Donate Register Rules Library List IRC Chat FAQ Members List Social Groups Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Donor Bar
PatronusCharm Banner

 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-03-2007, 10:33 AM   #1
Kyp's Avenger
Fourth Year
 
Kyp's Avenger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 127
Day With No End by astropixie - K+

Title: Day With No End
Author: astropixie (That's me on ff.net)
Rating: K+
Genre: General
DLP Category: Time Travel
Pairing: None
Status: WIP
Summary: AU fifth year. Harry has an awful day and can't wait for it to be over. Unfortunately, it just keeps repeating itself. Will his tormentor Snape be able to help?
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3063453/1/

This is my second HP story. I feel like the first chapter is weak, but once the peril of the plot kicks in the story gets much better. I've edited it myself, but let me know if you think a beta would still be useful. Enjoy!
Kyp's Avenger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2007, 11:17 AM   #2
KenderCleric
Auror
Lord of Plot Bunnies
 
KenderCleric's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Terra Atlantus
Gender: Male
Posts: 652
Send a message via AIM to KenderCleric Send a message via MSN to KenderCleric
Not too shabby. I enjoy a good groundhog day style fic and this one is better than some I've seen. It's certainly far more realistic as far as Harry's reaction goes that's for sure. While Snape is very well done each day prior to Harry managing to get him to listen he seems to go a bit...soft...after their conversations. That might just be my extreme loathing of the character though.

4/5
__________________
Evil Kender Cleric
Pureblood Capitalist Opressor
"There is NO excuse for Snape as anything other than dead."
KenderCleric is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2007, 01:02 PM   #3
Kyp's Avenger
Fourth Year
 
Kyp's Avenger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 127
I was hoping I didn't make him out of character. Thank you for pointing that out, I'll keep that in mind for the rest of the story.
Kyp's Avenger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2007, 11:44 AM   #4
Marie M
Raptured to Hell
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 349
Well, it was good, but I have read story with exactly same plot-line before, so I'm unimpressed.
Marie M is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2007, 12:18 PM   #5
ip82
Prisoner
 
ip82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,921
I think this story is the perfect example of how to ruin the potential of the Groundhog day idea. 50% of this story is Harry whining and begging various people to help him. Stupid little fuck, why doesn't he do something fun for a change?
__________________
IP82 stories:

Potter's Resistance 1: Breaking Ties -> DLP Thread
Yin and Yang -> DLP Thread

Ficwad Profile || HP Recycle Bin || Crap filter C2
Rule no. 1 - You do not talk about Alpha Fight Club...
ip82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2007, 02:30 PM   #6
Le
Fourth Year
 
Le's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 134
I'm gonna agree with ip82. Where is the crazy shit that Harry could do the moment he realized he was in a loop? I mean, I'd go nuts if I were him. Running to Snape is just pathetic. C'mon, make him do something exiting. About the in characterness, I think he's too in character. As in, he acts like he would in the book, without the time loop. By the third time, he would have started exploiting it. Seriously. Until something like that happens, 3/5.
__________________
Le is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2007, 04:35 PM   #7
Kyp's Avenger
Fourth Year
 
Kyp's Avenger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 127
I think that being stuck in a time loop like that would be terrifying. Maybe I watch too much Doctor Who, but I tend to think of time as a serious matter.

Well, I guess this fic isn't for DLP, but I appreciate the honest opinions. Much better than the "omg poor harry pls update soon!" reviews I've been getting.
Kyp's Avenger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2007, 06:32 PM   #8
Richard
Supreme Mugwump
 
Richard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: California
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,784
I didn't like the story too much. Harry's angsting is bothersome, and he sounds like Cannon Harry (in other words, a pussy), no offense intended. Maybe if he had more of a backbone, and went to other people instead of Snape, that'd be a better part of the story. Instead, he goes to Snape (while most people on this site hate him). Anyway, thats my opinion. I give it a 3/5 right now. He's your normal pussy!Harry. I can't stand stories that he lets people walk all over him like that.

Richard.
__________________
Richard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2007, 06:50 PM   #9
ip82
Prisoner
 
ip82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,921
The problem is that he's in canon (and worse) in regards to his pussyness and dependence upon others and out of canon in regards to his attitude towards Snape. We'd have preferred it was the other way around.
__________________
IP82 stories:

Potter's Resistance 1: Breaking Ties -> DLP Thread
Yin and Yang -> DLP Thread

Ficwad Profile || HP Recycle Bin || Crap filter C2
Rule no. 1 - You do not talk about Alpha Fight Club...
ip82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2007, 07:47 PM   #10
malaga
Auror
 
malaga's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Gender: Female
Posts: 639
If I was Harry and could do whatever I wanted, and noone but me would remember, I would go crazy. Cover Ginny, Snape, and Dumbledore in petrol and cast Incendio, stuff Colin Creevey's camera down his throat, and put up signs proclaiming Filch's love for Mrs. Norris. Asking Snape for help would be so low down on my list it'd be after jumping from the Astronomy Tower.
__________________
Thanks To Inferis For Graphics Work
malaga is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2007, 02:11 AM   #11
Richard
Supreme Mugwump
 
Richard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: California
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,784
Well, the author could certainly try to re-write the whole thing, and do crazy shit instead of being an idiot. But oh well, sometimes its too late for that.

Richard.
__________________
Richard is offline   Reply With Quote

Tags
author:astropixie


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:45 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright ©2005 - 2016 DLP Group. All rights reserved.
No personal intellectual property on this site may be used without the credit and express permission of the respective authors.