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Old 09-17-2007, 05:41 PM   #1
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Better Be Slytherin! by jharad17 - T

Title: Better Be Slytherin!
Author: jharad17
Rating: T
Genre: Angst/Adventure
DLP Category: AU
Pairing: None ATM
Status: Year One Complete
Summary: As a first year, Harry is sorted into Slytherin instead of Gryffindor, and no one is more surprised than his new Head of House. Snape mentors Harry fic.

link : http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3736151/...r_Be_Slytherin

It is a good fic, one that has 769 reviews for 13 chapters. although the chapters are short, they are well written with a few grammar mistakes. the only thing that bothered me about this story is that the events are written from harry's pow in one chapter, and in the next chapter they are written from snape's pow. instead of dividing into two chapters, the author could put them in one chapter. anyways, 4/5
"nothing exists except through human consciousness"
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Last edited by ulkser; 09-17-2007 at 05:45 PM.
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Old 09-17-2007, 05:52 PM   #2
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Genre: Angst/Adventure?

Snape mentors Harry?

Did anyone else's fail detector just explode?
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Old 09-17-2007, 06:05 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Tehan View Post
Genre: Angst/Adventure?

Snape mentors Harry?

Did anyone else's fail detector just explode?

I call shenanigans!
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Old 09-17-2007, 06:12 PM   #4
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My asshole clenched protectively when I read the description.

I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I dream of love as time runs through my hand
I dream of fire
Those dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire
And in the flames
Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire

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Old 09-17-2007, 06:56 PM   #5
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Ugh the author has 3 other Severus mentors Harry fics and all 3 have the warning's Violence, Child Abuse, Rape on them.
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Old 09-17-2007, 08:16 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by ulkser View Post
Snape mentors Harry fic.
Tsk Tsk ulkser, you know better than that. For shame.
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Old 09-17-2007, 08:39 PM   #7
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Auto-fail for Mentor!Snape.

Thanks for playing, don't try again.

Evil Kender Cleric
Pureblood Capitalist Opressor
"There is NO excuse for Snape as anything other than dead."
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Old 09-17-2007, 09:46 PM   #8
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Ew... it's slimy and greasy and kind of smells like Epic!Failure.

Thanks to Sir_Xiph0 for the Sig
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Old 09-18-2007, 03:31 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Amerision View Post
My asshole clenched protectively when I read the description.
Although I try not to judge before I read a story, this describes my reaction to any Snape-as-a-human scenario. Kudos for the wording.

No rating from me, as I haven't read it (and probably don't plan to).
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Old 09-18-2007, 11:27 AM   #10
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Sheesh people. At least read the fic if you're going to vote. Don't fail it on premise alone.

Although I can't say much as I'm in the same boat as all of you in that nothing about the concept, summary, author's history gives me any desire to read this. Oftentimes, in instances like this I turn to the reviews. See what sort of fangirls are enjoying the story.

A few told me everything I'd need to know:
So Theodore Nott and Millicent Bulstrode become the new Ron and Hermione. Wow. And poor Draco. With Harry in Slytherin, he isn't exactly going to get to play Seeker, is he?
Snape and Harry need to get a little closer!! Let's go! Update!!
Loved it lots! And I want some hugs from our snarky Potions Professor. *Gives puppy dog look*
Yummy Snapey hugs. . . purr . . . meow . . . er, um. Yeah. Sorry, lost in my post Snapey hug glow. Another excellent chapter. Is Prof. Quirrel being a bad boy again?
Fantastic Story...I love how you have both Harry and Snape P.O.V.'s and all of Snape's "nicknames" for Harry. I'm very excited about the new twist the story has taken!
Yup. That tells me everything I need to know. It's not so much how retarded the reviews are as it is the sort of reviewer enjoying the fic. If people with that attitude like this fic, then there's 99.9% chance I won't.

You could offer me twenty bucks and I still wouldn't read this one.

But I'm not going to give it any sort of rating when I've not read any of it.
Lucius waved off the Headmaster with a practiced aristocratic sneer. “I'm trembling in my crushed velvet slippers.” - Now Hiring: Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures
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Old 09-18-2007, 12:14 PM   #11
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Lol, seems I'm the only one who's actually read the wretched thing... and honestly speaking, it wasn't as bad as reviews and summary might make you think.

Basically, it's just your average decently written abused!Harry-gets-sorted-into-Slytherin-and-Snape-takes-him-under-his-wing kind of story. Both Harry and Snape are pretty much in character. Harry is reasonably Slytherin and not overly whiney, while Snape is (still) in character (no Lily love, it seems). The plot is progressing pretty much as you'd expect it, with main focus being on H-Snape interaction and disregarding pretty much everything else (which is kind of OK, because the plot follows PS).

My main gripe with this story is the way the author portrayed Slytherin house, which is basically a boot camp with Snape keeping tabs on absolutely everything (including, for example, bathroom schedules !?!). I just can't connect this image neither with the spoiled bullies from canon, nor with what I think Slytherins SHOULD be like.

Overall, a decent story if you can handle this sort of genre (like I can). If not, this won't make you change your mind.

(BTW, nonjon it's kind of hard to take you seriously with that avatar )
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Old 01-20-2008, 12:47 AM   #12
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This is one of the few Harry-is-sorted-into-Slytherin stories that don't automatically have everyone love him. I appreciate that. I think the only one that did it better was Chris Widger's Grey Maiden I (Don't bother with the rest of the series; they go downhill pretty quickly after the first one.). I guess I'm one of the few people here who actually appreciates a Snape Mentor story, too. *ducks from inevitable flames* When done well and realistically, they're a joy, but with anything, there are hundreds of bad ones for every good one.

That being said, this is one of the good ones. The author has been taking the turn-around slowly, which makes it believable. Full marks also for the use of the Bloody Baron as a character. 5/5.
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Old 01-20-2008, 01:56 PM   #13
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I read the first chapter, decent but nothing spectacular. I don't feel like reading the rest of this, I got over my Slytherin!Harry phase long ago.

I also skimmed the last chapter, and it seems the author has taken himself 33 chapters to finish the first Quidditch game.

I'm feeling generous. 2/5 for canon thumping.
"He was one of the only three Slytherins staying for the Christmas holidays: with him were a third year Adrian Pucey and a rather stressed sixth year girl.

("Solstice, Potter, it's the winter solstice we're celebrating, did you think we cared for Santa Bloody Claus? You're such a Mudblood sometimes…")"

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Old 01-24-2008, 12:34 PM   #14
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I *don't* mind a mentor!Snape, because I think the man is SMART. Granting that he was a jerk in the series, he was working from several faulty premises. Here, Snape has his preconceptions knocked sideways. Forced to actually LOOK at young Harry, Snape learns and adapts.
The story starts out predictable, but it does have surprises and complexities.

I enjoyed it. 4/5
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Old 01-24-2008, 07:29 PM   #15
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Canon Snape is smart? Or what you view of him is intelligent? I don't believe the man is a dunce, far from it. But being gifted with ingenuity (*Shudder* HBP) does not make someone intelligent.

A smart person (as far as canon goes) would not outright abuse Harry as Snape did every day. A smart person wouldn't make unbreakable vows (no matter how much a diddling Dumbledore argued for it). And a smart person wouldn't let every single thing in his life go down the toilet because he loves some woman that doesn't love him in return. But that's strictly canon.
As far as I'm concerned, Snape is smart, you have to ignore book 7's characterization of him, and just decide for yourself that he is a smarmy bastard that is on his own side. Take out book 7 and even with some of his previous failings, Snape would obviously be intelligent. Frankly he and Dumbledore would rank as some of the most intelligent in my opinion, if you had removed book 7. But since we have book 7, then Snape is a child in a man's body who latched onto studying because he was abused, in the wrong House, and could not find another outlet. And he is a complete sissy.

As far as Snape mentoring Harry... the premise is terrible. Even if Snape were able to latch onto their parallels (rampant abuse) he's still left staring at James Potter with the woman with whom he's obsessed's eyes. Leaving a very embittered, very illogical opinion of Harry. Again, if you ignore the fact that book 7 did delve into Snape's history and revealed what it did, then this premise isn't so bad. But you're back to that catch-22.

I gave the first few chapters a try, lacking any real tool to sap away some semblance of boredom. The writing is solid, the characterizations are there. But I just don't find myself believing in Snape, even this one, mentoring Harry.

3/5 if the author somehow manages to eliminate the fangirl reviewers.
All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. -George Orwell

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. -Douglas Adams
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Old 01-24-2008, 09:28 PM   #16
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I'm gonna give this one a try, and I'll edit with an opinion when I'm either done or have given up on it.

While I'm reading, though, can anyone give me a Slytherin!Harry story that puts Snape in the position of not liking Harry, but not being verbally attacking or taking House pounts from him at every opportunity?

EDIT: Okay, so having read through Ch. 35...I've got to say it isn't bad, per se. There is a little too much Snape angsting over whether the abused Harry trusts him or not. In fact, it seems to be the main focus of the story so far. Little about Harry's classes is shown (which is ok, since most of us already know most of what they were taught that year), and as such, we're left with very little interaction between Harry and his Slytherin classmates, or even with students from different houses.

Nott and Bulstrode seem to have taken the places of Ron and Hermione, respectively, although Hermione is all the sudden declared, matter-of-factly mind you, to be Harry's library study partner out of nowhere fairly late in the game. However, I like what the author did with the anonymous sending of the chocolate frogs and the research into revealing spells and whatnot that Nott and Harry did as a result.

After 35 chapters, we learn about Voldemort dining on unicorns, but Slytherin!Harry reverts to calling him You Know Who, for some reason. Occlumency is mentioned at this point so maybe that will be interesting. Snape and Harry have something of a working relationship, so the magic might, just might, be a focus during the training instead of Harry's emotion-devoid-mask whenever Snape upsets him.

Really, the Snape/Harry interaction is far too overdone, but its the only REAL negative to the story at this point. The dialogue isnt perfect (when present), and there isn't much we can say about characterization since we dont really know much about Bulstrode or Nott from cannon.

If the story becomes more Harry-centric, and less a fleshing out of the relationship between him and Snape (outside of teacher-student), then this could be called a good read. Until then, it's a mediocre fic written by someone who obviously cares too much about Snape's presence in said fic. 3/5 Overall.

If one person sees you doing something kinda weird, it’s really embarrassing. But getting thrown in jail because you wore a cloak and then quoted Gandalf? That’s awesome. That’s a story I’d tell for the rest of my life. --Patrick Rothfuss

Last edited by ParseltonguePhoenix; 01-25-2008 at 01:47 AM.
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Old 01-24-2008, 10:02 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by ParseltonguePhoenix View Post
can anyone give me a Slytherin!Harry story that puts Snape in the position of not liking Harry, but not being verbally attacking or taking House pounts from him at every opportunity?
* blink *
Whoa. A Snape that acts professionally? I can't actually think of any...
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Old 01-25-2008, 08:53 PM   #18
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Wasn't a terribly bad fic but I've never enjoyed a purposefully influential Snape in Harry's life. The frequent POV changes within the story to cycle from Snape to Harry may be nice for some, but it diverges from the Harry-centricism that I enjoy.

As a reader, I really do dislike these Slytherin!Harry first year fics. He's seen as the struggling child in the house -- which probably would occur -- but he is also adamant against following my ideal Slytherin image. A Big-D Slytherin, if you would. One who utilizes true cunning and ambition to not only come off as a sarcastic, manipulative teen but also cutthroat and sly. Given that a first year can't be expected to exemplify such cunning qualities, I wouldn't mind seeing the beginnings of some. Say, a moment of Harry-X interaction where it ends with a veiled threat. Simple, rudimentary, and in all forms basic.

The way Snape is going to become the closer, almost fatherly, figure is irking. He is a hair's breadth from outright declaring he'll father Harry over the summer. In fact, he goes as far as too offer to train him at Hogwarts over the summer in Occlumency.

As a note for those that may have overlooked it: Harry calls Voldemort by "You-Know-Who" because Snape explicitly states "Do not speak that name in my presence." Harry, being the subservient boy he has become, accepts this and refuses to utter the name.

“Before a moment had passed, she had blossomed and was laughing as if in some childhood escape, where everything else had blurred away and she was left running and dancing and twirling away on the seashore, the wind painting a side of her face with the wet cords of her own tangled hair.”
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Old 01-29-2008, 04:26 PM   #19
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"Oh, wait!" Harry added a moment later, continuing to hold the man's gaze. "I did get a present for Christmas once." The day he started primary school, he had been promised a gift if he was very, very good until Christmas. He went for months not questioning any orders, and never talking back, hardly talking at all, in fact. He worked for hours every night after school doing chores to make up for the fact that he wasn't home during the day, and that was only after he did Dudley's homework. He was allowed to do his own homework after he finished the chores. During those four months, he never dared to ask for food or challenge any mean thing Dudley said about him or his dead parents, and he never complained when Dudley and his gang chased him or beat him up. He had been so good, and so looking forward to getting his present he'd been practically frantic with anticipation on Christmas morning.

Shaking his head, Harry shook off those old memories. His voice was quiet and lacking any emotion when he said, "I got a clothes hanger."

He never trusted anything they promised him, after that.
The author is delightfully evil in portraying just how much the Dursleys hated poor Harry.
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Old 04-21-2012, 05:10 PM   #20
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Well well well, here I go again dragging up an other ancient story from the recycling bin. Yes, my life is so boring that I'm doing that.

Anyway first I must say that the technical aspects of the execution of the story were done remarkably well. I found very few spelling errors or grammatical mistakes which I always take off for.

So then since every story starts off with a 5/5 lets start looking for all the things wrong with this.

First, the Abused!Harry cliche. Yes I know that this was originally published in 07 but by that point Abused!Harry had become cliche. That said it doesn't seem to have been forced as it usually is. -0.5 points.

Second, Severus was a bit out of character. While he didn't turn mushy on us, he was not an absolute bastard. However, it is entirely possible that he reserves being a complete bastard for non-Slytherins and Canon Harry because Canon Harry never bothered to try to even get to know the man.

Normally that would be -2 points because Snape is one of my favorite characters and I love him when he's being a bastard. That said considering that he has well rounded and plausible reasons that *gasps* make fucking sense. So I will deduct 0.5 points

Third, Gaius Avery and the implied possible rape. It is obvious to me that the author here does not understand predatory pedrasty in the least. Gaius if he wanted to rape Harry would have done so..."being too small" would not have been an issue. -1 point. And no I'm not deducting that point for being slash, I'm deducting it for not being very realistic--a rapist wouldn't care if the victim was injured or not.

Fourth, Harry having "a raw power I have not felt in a century" in the words of the Bloody Baron. Naturally I think had this story arch continued for more years, Harry would have had to become overly powerful. I will be deducting 1 point because I do not like Super!Harry and I think it basically will ruin even the best fanfic.

Now that we've gotten most of the deductions out of the way...the current score is 2/5; however, I have many points to award.

First, it is a Slytherin!Harry story. I always like those, I know they are somewhat cliche, but I do like Slytherin!Harry, particularly when Harry actually acts like a Slytherin. +1.5 points.

Second, using the Bloody Baron. I've not seen the ghosts used much in fanfic and I've been reading it for over 10 years now. I'm going to give it +0.5 points for that.

Over all these additions give a final rating of 4/5. It would have been 5/5 had Harry reacted a bit differently to the Troll Incident (A Slytherin would have been more likely I think to have gone to a Prefect for help to save their friend---the house is like that have cake eat it as well if you can), also the natural occlumens talent seems to increase the Super!Harry overtone that would have been more relevant if this arch had stretched to at least book 3 or maybe even 4.

Also I must prevent this from being a 5 because I do not believe that magic works on a core principle. I know that its common for authors to act as if with HP-verse magic it operates on a spell points system as if it were DnD. But the Canon does not allude to such a thing. I'm sure there is a thread about the Core Magic V. Whatever-other-theory somewhere on DLP. I remember Taure (I believe) had a thread about it some time ago...I might see if I can dig it up and read it.

Even so after having read the canon dozens of times I cannot wrap my mind around why so many authors seem to think that magical exhaustion exists. I'm sure that if it did JKR would have used it because its such an easy plot device to come with and she has at least 4 Deus Ex Machina in the series that I'm aware of.

Finally I will say that while there is no accompanying series thats probably just as well...they would probably just go down hill from here, but its definitely a good read.
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