Dark Lord Potter Forums
Go Back   Dark Lord Potter Forums > Library > The Alternates
Donate Register Rules Library List IRC Chat FAQ Members List Social Groups Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Donate to DLP Scryer Banner

 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-24-2008, 01:08 AM   #1
Bratling
Professor
 
Bratling's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: middle of no where, Georgia
Gender: Female
Posts: 409
Send a message via AIM to Bratling Send a message via Yahoo to Bratling
Balancing Destinies by DobbyElfLord - T

Title: Balancing Destinies
Author: DobbyElfLord
Rating: T
Genre: Adventure/Mystery
DLP Category: The Alternates
Pairing: Unknown at present time. Past HP/OC
Chapters: 19
Words: 147,171
Updated: November 8, 2010
Published: March 23, 2008
Status: Abandoned

Summary: Sequel to Altered Destinies: Harry returns to his original time to find things subtlety changed due to his actions in the past. Not only does his family and friends await, but so does a new prophecy. Reading AD first is required to understand!
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4150901/...cing_Destinies

Because Altered Destinies is in the library, this belongs here, too. There's only one chapter up so far, but it does look promising. No more Voldemort to defeat, but it seems that another Dark Lord is on the rise, and unfortunately, he seems to be Harry's problem. Looks like prophecies just won't leave Harry alone. I'm refraining from assigning a rating at this time because there's only one almost 7,000 word chapter up, but as I enjoyed Altered Destinies, there's no reason why I won't enjoy this one as well.


Checked by Minion, January 5, 2013
__________________
Save a tree--boycott trashy romance novels!



"And we shall exist by amusing ourselves, by dreaming of monstrous loves and fantastic universes, by complaining and quarreling with the pretenses of the world..."

--Arthur Rimbaud, The Flash of Lightning



Last edited by Dark Minion; 01-05-2013 at 03:44 PM.
Bratling is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-24-2008, 02:00 AM   #2
Marsupial
Death Eater
 
Marsupial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 934
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Okay, overall the writing quality is exactly what I expected: pure unadultered excellence. Grammar and spelling are both well above average, and any errors that are present are minor enough that my brain autocorrected them as I read.

The content raised one issue with me, although in total it is a good start, and I look forward to seeing the rest. I would have liked to see more of Christina/Mary, but I'll acknowledge that she didn't really fit in this chapter. With a little luck, maybe she'll reappear in a chapter or two.

Anyways, the content issue:the Fidelius on Harry's house in Hogsmeade. In the posted chapter of Balancing Destiny, the following appears:

Quote:
Harry walked slowly to the front door that opened at his touch. The house inside was much different than he remembered it. While the outside was only slightly different, the inside had changed significantly. Harry stepped into his living room. The magically expanded room was more than twice as large as the last time Harry stood here. Harry guessed the need to allow for four teenagers in the house caused that change. The furniture James Evens knew from the 1940’s was long gone. The room was still decorated in a way that spoke of his wife’s sensibility
That section continues, describing some of the changes and Harry's reaction, but this is enough to make my point. The house has change since Harry left the past. I can accept this with a canon basis of the Fidelius; the people who already knew of the house (Sarah, Tom, kids, etc) could have continued to live there without major issue. However, that premise seems to be contradicted by the following fanon from the last chapter of Altered Destinies:

Quote:
Tom smirked at his little sister. “Dad never took down the Fidelius before he left, so she wouldn’t have remembered it ever existed. That was why we had to move out.”
Am I interpreting something wrong here, or does the second quote, from AD, make the first, from BD, an impossible occurence?
-
-
__________________
Formerly known as Anubis Rex

DLP Foreign Legion http://www.cybernations.net/default....arsupial%20Bob
Marsupial is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-24-2008, 03:42 AM   #3
DarkMage
Muggle
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2
It's to soon to say that I like the story but his previous works are of good quality.

I'm guessing that Sarah lived in that house until she died and that all the kids knew the secret of the Fidelius.

Anubis, in your quote the lady Tom talks about is the Realtor that sold the house to Harry, she was never let in the Fidelius secret, that's why she couldn't see the house.

At least that's how I understand it.
DarkMage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-24-2008, 05:26 PM   #4
eXcalite
Seventh Year
 
eXcalite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Germany, Hamburg
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 272
Couldn't realy get through the first chapters of the prequel. Something about the writing style just irks me. Idea is great though...
__________________
eXcalite is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-24-2008, 07:40 PM   #5
Rin
Minister for Magic
Oberstgruppenführer
 
Rin's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: 日本福井県若狭町
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,325
DLP Supporter Donor Star
OMG! I've been waiting for this for so long, I though the author had decided to abandon the idea entirely. I'm really happy to see this, and I cannot wait for more!

I'll hold off on rating it for the same reason most others have: only one chapter so far, and I don't want to rate it based on DobbyElfLord's name alone.
Rin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-24-2008, 09:25 PM   #6
Marsupial
Death Eater
 
Marsupial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 934
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkMage View Post
I'm guessing that Sarah lived in that house until she died and that all the kids knew the secret of the Fidelius.

Anubis, in your quote the lady Tom talks about is the Realtor that sold the house to Harry, she was never let in the Fidelius secret, that's why she couldn't see the house.

At least that's how I understand it.
That isn't what bothered me really; I can see why the lady who sold the house didn't know due to the Fidelius. What gets me is the last part of the quote: "That was why we had to move out." If they had to move out, then why had the house changed in 50 years? I suppose I'm just assuming that they moved out immediately for whatever reason, but I guess it doesn't necessarily have to mean that.
__________________
Formerly known as Anubis Rex

DLP Foreign Legion http://www.cybernations.net/default....arsupial%20Bob
Marsupial is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-24-2008, 10:54 PM   #7
nonjon
Alumni
 
nonjon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,129
I'm going off memory here, but I believe the Fidelius thing is that Harry had the house under the spell so the realtor never remembered selling it to them. Everyone who'd been told the secret knew it, but with Harry gone for 50 years, no one else could divulge the secret.

Anyone who knew the secret from before (i.e. all of Harry's kids, his wife, the elder Potters) could still freely go in and out. But no one new, because the secret keeper wasn't around to tell them.

So no "new" significant others or grandchildren could get in, but it would be a very welcome respite for the select few who could. It sounds like Harry's wife lived there for the rest of her life, and maybe if her grandbabies couldn't come over, she'd visit them. I can see her staying there and improving the house as her way of waiting for Harry.

But to be honest these are the sorts of details that annoy me when authors feel they should explain everything, how, and why in some unique original clever way... that has absolutely nothing to do with the story and plot (e.g., think of the many unfinished post-OotP fanfics that are thousands and thousands of words and still in summer but have a few clever ideas).

I think it's too early to tell on this one. This first chapter didn't suck me in or intrigue me greatly, but just the idea of more story in this altered universe has me very excited for more. The first fic is great and I have no reason to doubt DobbyElfLord's skill in planning, plotting, and balancing the details, action, and drama.
__________________
Lucius waved off the Headmaster with a practiced aristocratic sneer. “I'm trembling in my crushed velvet slippers.” - Now Hiring: Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures
nonjon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-26-2008, 04:44 PM   #8
Chime
Dark Lord
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Age: 92
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,950
Looks interesting, I'm sure it'll be good. We'll have to wait any see though.

However, like it's predecessor, it's just too mushy. It's almost unreadable considering how mushy it is. MUSHY MUSH MUSH MUSH gah it's coming out of my ears it's so mushy.

I like a certain crunch to my reading. This is like syrup on cream cheese and applesauce, or something.
Chime is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-29-2008, 10:53 AM   #9
Apothem
Third Year
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 84
I quite enjoyed the first story(Which I read in about fifteen hours. Finished it yesterday), and his ideas are original, and presented in a tastefully done way. I can't wait to see what he does with this next story, although there are a few, niggling issues I have with his grammar.

Mainly, his refusal to contract. It's always "I am, can not, will not, you are", ect, ect...People just don't speak like that. Even the highest social echelons don't constantly speak formally, especially around their family. So, I hope he corrects this one issue, but it doesn't really take away from the story. Just seems a bit awkward.
Apothem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-30-2008, 10:35 PM   #10
Manatheron
Headmaster
 
Manatheron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,166
I'm with Nonjon on this one.

The first fic was well written. It had an excellent plot, and it kept the reader intrigued. The continuation is missing the supposedly prophesied 'Dark rising'.
We have one comment, and then... Nothing. If the revelation of the new prophesy had been immediately followed by an attack by an unknown force, or a cut scene to a much altered grindwald opening a rift back into his home dimension It would (Probably) have made an epic start to the sequel. sadly however we are left twisting in the wind while Harry goes off for some R&R.
__________________

Known to be Neutral Good And occasionally DLP's Devil's Advocate

<img src=http://img520.imageshack.us/img520/9650/consequencesrd2.png border=0 alt= />
<font size=1>

Those who would give up a little liberty to gain a little security deserve neither, and will lose both.
~Benjamin Franklin~
Manatheron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2008, 03:40 PM   #11
World
Oberstgruppenführer
 
World's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Axis of Evil (Original)
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,175
DLP Supporter Donor Star
After seeing the prophecy directly at the beginning I expected some action as well. The chapter was more of an introduction than anything else. It's okay, but at least a hint of action would have been nice.

No problems quality-wise.

Someone remind me who why the two gentlemen at the end of ch.1 were of relevance?
__________________
World is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-01-2008, 07:54 PM   #12
Rin
Minister for Magic
Oberstgruppenführer
 
Rin's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: 日本福井県若狭町
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,325
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Quote:
Originally Posted by World View Post
After seeing the prophecy directly at the beginning I expected some action as well. The chapter was more of an introduction than anything else. It's okay, but at least a hint of action would have been nice.

No problems quality-wise.

Someone remind me who why the two gentlemen at the end of ch.1 were of relevance?
Those two men happen to be half-brothers via Claude Delacour. The French one was his legitamate child with his Veela wife. Alan Krum is his bastard child with his fake wife in Germany, Maria, IIRC. Alan was named after Harry's alias working as a spy in Germany with them. Harry arranged for Maria's safety in the Alps after the war. She lived with the Veela with her son, but Mrs. Delacour had no desire to interact with her, so it is possible that the two men don't know that the other is related to him.

Sardones is nothing more than an annoying cunt.
Rin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2008, 02:47 AM   #13
Manatheron
Headmaster
 
Manatheron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rin View Post
Sardones is nothing more than an annoying cunt.
Quoted for Truth.
__________________

Known to be Neutral Good And occasionally DLP's Devil's Advocate

<img src=http://img520.imageshack.us/img520/9650/consequencesrd2.png border=0 alt= />
<font size=1>

Those who would give up a little liberty to gain a little security deserve neither, and will lose both.
~Benjamin Franklin~
Manatheron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2008, 04:51 AM   #14
MysterioX
Professor
 
MysterioX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Off the record
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Posts: 421
Send a message via MSN to MysterioX
Not a bad start. But I wouldn't give this a 5/5 rating just yet.
MysterioX is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2008, 12:07 PM   #15
Ragon
Dark Lord
 
Ragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: I lived in my mind but I lost my key.
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,887
Can someone post a link to the first one. I searched for it here and couldnt find it.
__________________
"He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing... the fury of the Time Lord... and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden. He was being kind"
Ragon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2008, 12:38 PM   #16
nonjon
Alumni
 
nonjon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,129
You win the award for laziest tard of the month.

There's a link to the sequel above. You don't think you could click on it and then click on the author's page? Or even try searching the DLP library?

Sigh. I'll edit the first post with a link to at least the other DLP thread. And here's the first fic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3155057/1/Altered_Destinies
__________________
Lucius waved off the Headmaster with a practiced aristocratic sneer. “I'm trembling in my crushed velvet slippers.” - Now Hiring: Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures
nonjon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2008, 02:03 PM   #17
Ragon
Dark Lord
 
Ragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: I lived in my mind but I lost my key.
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,887
I should have clarified. I meant a link to the orginal thread HERE not on fanfiction. Even I am not that lazy. Sorry but thanks. When I searched for it I went through every thread in the search but didnt see it.
__________________
"He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing... the fury of the Time Lord... and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden. He was being kind"
Ragon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2008, 03:40 PM   #18
nonjon
Alumni
 
nonjon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,129
Hmmph. I'd have thought people would know how to search for things by now. It took me about a second and one quick intuitive search to immediately locate the thread.

You'd think googling would have taught people how to search properly by now.

And yes this is off-topic, but I'm feeling pompously helpful. When you search use a search term that's rare but you expect to be there. In this case, I just searched for the author's name, DobbyElfLord, and surprise it came right up. If that returned too many results then you could have it just search for his name in the thread title only. You could have even taken the story ID from fanfiction.net and that too returns the right thread and only a few other results.

If the threads are huge, have it spit out posts instead of threads. If you're not having any luck, then you factor in all the fucking retards on this forum, and try misspellings (just because you're looking for Durmstrang doesn't mean the aborted abortions with keyboards don't write about Durrmstrang).

I just get annoyed at people claiming they searched for "hours" for something if it takes me a matter of seconds to locate it. They're either lazy and didn't search or they're just a fucking idiot. Both deserve a little hostility and anger at having others do their dirty work. This isn't aimed at Dranco but lazy assholes and retards in general.

Okay, off my soapbox and back on topic.
__________________
Lucius waved off the Headmaster with a practiced aristocratic sneer. “I'm trembling in my crushed velvet slippers.” - Now Hiring: Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures
nonjon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2008, 10:03 PM   #19
Chime
Dark Lord
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Age: 92
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,950
Second chapter is up... still more set up/fluff. Looks like this will be slow getting started.

Chapter was good, nevertheless.
Chime is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2008, 10:28 PM   #20
Rin
Minister for Magic
Oberstgruppenführer
 
Rin's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: 日本福井県若狭町
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,325
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chime?? View Post
Second chapter is up... still more set up/fluff. Looks like this will be slow getting started.

Chapter was good, nevertheless.
Good chapter. I can't wait for more. I noticed that as with Altered Destinies, DobbyElfLord does take time for setup, but it's worth it, in my opinion.
Rin is offline   Reply With Quote

Tags
adventure, author:dobbyelflord, mystery, time travel, timetravel


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Complete - Altered Destinies by DobbyElfLord - T ip82 The Alternates 56 12-03-2016 03:43 PM
Oneshot - The Sniper by DobbyElfLord - T Niffler Lord General Fics 58 12-02-2011 08:23 AM
Complete - Fusion of Destinies by Grey-X - Metroid - M KeshinNoAkui The Alternates 7 07-21-2011 09:52 AM
Complete - HP and the Joining of Destinies by Kalistar - WOT - T Shezza The Alternates 24 06-09-2007 05:22 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:38 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright ©2005 - 2016 DLP Group. All rights reserved.
No personal intellectual property on this site may be used without the credit and express permission of the respective authors.