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Old 05-02-2008, 06:14 PM   #1
Perfection
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Blissful Amnesia by FFML Tim

Title: Blissful Amnesia
Author: FFML Tim
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Adventure
Pairing: H/Fleur
Status: WIP
Summary: Harry seems to lose his memory after being beaten by his uncle and ends up staying with the Delacours.

Only two chapters at the moment but seems to be a Powerful!Harry (possibly super) who "remembers" magic that he never remembers learning and is quite good at it.

Relationship with Fleur was rushed and the author seems to not like dialogue much.

3/5 So far good to pass some time but nothing great.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4228409/1/Blissful_Amnesia
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Old 05-02-2008, 06:36 PM   #2
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If the author suddenly pulled a "don't fuck with timetravel" excuse out of their ass, I might give it more than a 3 out of five.

Everything feels too rushed for me to get into the story. But the style of writing is good, even if the author doesn't seem very concerned with dialogue. It's told in a very passive tense so I don't think there will be a lot of action anytime soon.

I'll keep an eye on it, but I'm not impressed.
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Old 05-03-2008, 06:35 AM   #3
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It was a pretty good story, but too short for rating. It feels like the 2 chapters are only an introduction so the pace doesn't bother me too much, but it should slow down in the next few chapters. 4/5 so far.
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Old 05-03-2008, 10:34 AM   #4
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The Harry/Fleur relationship felt extremely forced, and Harry's super-knowledge didn't sit well with me at all. Apparating to France just to be found by Fleur's dad was a bit of a stretch also.

2.5/5 at the moment, hope it gets better soon.
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Old 05-03-2008, 01:48 PM   #5
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Doesn't say that he apparated to a safe house which was being monitored by Fleur's Dad. I happened to like the story but I do wish there was more for me to judge on.
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Old 05-03-2008, 07:57 PM   #6
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Until I know what exactly happened to Harry (timetravel + amnesia??) I just have this wtf reaction... I mean what's going on? Hopefully the author will explain it soon.

As to the rating of the story, it's nothing outstanding so far, and it does feel a bit rushed. I'd say that it's good, but not library-worth good, so:

3/5
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Old 05-03-2008, 10:06 PM   #7
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...no.

Quote:
And then fler didin like me cause iwuz too yung so imade an aging potin end we wer happpy and the flers momm caught us kissing andmade me swear knot to mees wif the charm cuzim two powirful for a grown witches magikk so meand fler had fun without kisin and one day fler said "OMG! Jean i now who u r!" and there was uncle vernon in the niwspaper!
^^Okay, it was better written, but thats what the story seems like. It should have been:

Quote:
*Flirting, Flirting, yatta yatta*Not for the first time, Fleur flushed with embarrassment.

*Filler*

Why, Harry thought, I have a dastardly plan: I'll brew an aging potion! I'll have you, my pretty, and a little plot, too!
I sincerely doubt this is planned; the stuff in this story just happens. 2/5, and only because of writing.

EDIT: I'm all for a lack of dialog, as long as its done at all correctly. Can't say that, for this.
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Old 05-08-2008, 01:00 PM   #8
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Readers of chapter 4: beware. Take sunglasses or it might burn your eyes. I won't say more or I'll risk puking, but my advice is to not continue. *shivers*
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Old 05-08-2008, 01:23 PM   #9
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...huh? That reactions's for me normally reserved for teh gey Harry/Draco buttsecks. A Harry/Fleur story should be better by definition ... is Fleur Draco in disguise?

It wasn't a great story, by no means, but something to pass your time if you like the pairing. What could possibly happen that would deserve that kind of reaction?

*Famous Last Words*

/goes reading


Edit:
Yes, well ... it's somewhat bad, but not terrible. At least not really worse than what was already there. The plot seemingly is still on holiday, I haven't really seen it in there, even though we're in what would normally be the fourth year. But maybe there is something in the next chapter. Perhaps. I hope. Please?

Could be it's that rushed because he wants to get to the real story. Eh, I mean, he has to have a real story, right? Because "Harry loses his memory and ends up as Fleur's boyfriend" is just a Plot-Bunny for an one shot, surely he knows that.

~2.5/3 so far for me.
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“Someone is going to pay.”

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Last edited by Sesc; 05-08-2008 at 02:31 PM.
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Old 05-08-2008, 02:30 PM   #10
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If you want to get to the real story, do it in one chapter. He fucking proposed, which totally ruined any possible potential I saw in this story. I thought he was going to propose sex, or maybe butsecks, not a freaking wedding when he is 14 years old...
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Old 05-08-2008, 02:43 PM   #11
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The proposal didn't bother me that much. I saw it more as a means to finally get that charm off of her. Did it say they were going to wed the very next day? Still, it was more filler, random things that as far as I could see led nowhere and did nothing other than to pass time. As I said, decent if you want to kill a few moments and like Harry/Fleur.

And we're not that far into the story, word-wise. He just likes to split his 10,000 words up in 4 chapters, that's all.
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She shuddered, even as we were descending, but when we dismounted, there was no sadness, no grief. Her ice blue eyes burned in boundless fury, a look so piercing it went clean through me. It was simultaneously the most beautiful and most terrifying thing I had ever seen on her face.

“Someone is going to pay.”

Kairos

________________________________
FF.net :: By That Last Candle's Light :: The French Affair :: Unatoned


I heard that you like the bad girls, honey,
Is that true?

Last edited by Sesc; 05-08-2008 at 03:03 PM.
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Old 05-20-2008, 10:26 AM   #12
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It has been updated (Chapter 5).

The Author has managed to do the unexpected in taking an exciting event, Harry dueling Death Eaters at the Quidditch World Cup and killing several, and transforming it into boring tripe. Fleur in this story is at best an empty caricature, a part human who is a babe but gets discriminated against, who lacks every semblance of actually being a character. Harry has all the depth of so much balsa wood, his emotions are empty and trite. When Fleur (who in another crap occurrence is his wife to be) is lead to him in iron shackles, he feels "rage" and then promptly does nothing. For all his vaunted training and ability, in an earlier scene he is stunned in the back of a head by a ministry employee. Every possible bit of action in this story is written with a sense of drama more fit to depict a person taking a shit.

The technical mastery of the story, English wise, combined with the lack of ability when it comes to story-telling seem to suggest an individual with long practice of English non-fiction essay writing but who lacks the talent or inclination to apply that ability to fiction writing.

2/5
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Old 05-20-2008, 12:53 PM   #13
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I read the first few chapters and then took it off of my updates. FFML Tim had a few decent ones, once upon a time. This isn't one of them. 3/5
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