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View Full Version : [Abandoned] Across Dimensions: Parting Reality's Veil by Taliath - T - Naruto


Kardikek
02-09-2008, 04:50 PM
Title: Across Dimensions: Parting Reality's Veil
Author: Taliath
Rating: T
Chapters: 9
Words: 65,653
FFN - Updated: September 27, 2009
DLP - Updated: May 14, 2010
Published: May 25, 2008
Summary: AU/AD. Namikaze Naruto has led a charmed life under the protection of the Fourth Hokage. But now, after sacrificing himself for his home, he finds himself waking up in an entirely new world, surrounded by a village that despises him.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4277029/1/

DLP Link: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=8575

A fic written by our very own androgynous member, liath (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/member.php?u=1090). Simply put, it's quite amazing. A strong Naruto from a different dimension... why am I even doing this? Obviously every Naruto fan on these forums has read the fic.

One last thing.

UPDATE LIATH. :awesome

Merged posts go in chronological order... so I had to copy/paste this here. -- Sree

Plusses to you! There is such a massive shortage of stories of your style and quality. It's off to a very good start and I only hope you won't fall into the same pitfalls as 99% of the other stories.

Hoping to read about what happens in the "real" Naruto world. :D
Though, why haven't you posted it up with the rest of your work? Grammar wise it needs very little polishing and it seems ready.


Checked: June 9, 2012

SmileOfTheKill
02-09-2008, 04:54 PM
No reason in reviewing until there is real content.
This is just the start.
No glaring issues I must say, do continue on.

LogrusMage
02-09-2008, 05:24 PM
Fucking awesome premise. I'll give a long review once I see how you handle the canon Uni.

doc_gerbil
02-09-2008, 05:40 PM
just a couple of lines where i think the you took it too seriously. Like, "shall we dance?", and, "a true taijitsu dance", but, overall pretty good.

4/5 for now.

The Wizard
02-09-2008, 05:41 PM
Are there gonna be two Naruto's running around in the canon world? Considering their completely different attitudes, it'd be interesting to see what they think of each other. Update please?

Kardikek
02-09-2008, 09:24 PM
Weee!

I suggest you skip the jutsu in parenthesis in english bit. It breaks the flow of the story and most people who read Naruto have gotten used to them anyway like name suffixes. Some authors put a compiled list of all the used jutsus at the end of the chapter along with the translation though once again, unless you're including tons of invented stuff it shouldn't be necessary.

The parts where you mentioned death god stomachs was strange to me. Like he was really going to eat someone up. A minor thing of course but I think it'd fit better with the the somewhat serious feel of this chapter to use some other imagery.

"The forbidden scroll". Heh I get the feel of what you're trying to do, avoiding stupidity of canon. May I humbly suggest that you put less emphasis on the "the" of the forbidden scroll? Having a scroll with all the villages secret jutsus is such a dumb plotdevice. It would be funny if Naruto actually realized what it was, say, a page off some restricted ANBU depository or something off his father's personal stash. Even hint back at it later on for some comedic effect. /shrug

Yours is.. the second or third fic I've ever read where it's not merely someone travelling to an alternate dimension but actually posessing whatever was there in the first place. And it was good, inspiring too. Maybe the native Kyuubi even put in more of a fight than what was shown there?

Also a first time where a posession leads to physical changes. Though my feelings are a bit more muted in that regard. It can easily be excused as a result of Kyuubi's insane powers. Was there a reason as to why a height/clothes and jewellery change was necessary to the plot? Just out of curiosity.

All in all, an inspired plotdevice for the Kyuubi to have another Naruto and another Kyuubi pay the price of the Shiki Fuin, just the sort of thing an overwhelmingly powerful overlord would do to save his own skin :D

Regarding the characters there's not much to say yet as it's a canon situation with canon characters. Naruto does a passable job of acting confused. Should be interesting to see how you write his reactions further along.


He almost couldn’t wait to see his father’s face when Minato realized that Naruto had survived the Death God.

Oh yeah. He was just that cool.
Just the kind of cockiness we love!

Raijin
02-10-2008, 01:28 AM
Not so sure what Naruto's thinking trying to fake him always having been that way in a village full of ninja. Hope this thought is just a temporary thing. In addittion to that wasting a Jounin in a Genin role seems kinda stupid.

LogrusMage
02-10-2008, 08:35 PM
Please make him realize he's in an AU fast. I hate when characters dilly dally for ten chapters because they haven't realized what's going on yet...

Anyway, good chapter.

Kardikek
02-11-2008, 12:53 AM
Many plus points for more originality. We were finally introduced to the basic premise of this fic.
To become strong enough to control the full potential of Kyuubi's powers and through that overpower the death god. It'll be interesting to read how these alternate dimensions and raising the dead jutsus will work out for you, because Uzumaki Naruto is if I understood it correctly as dead as you get. I just hope you can balance the powers involved so that you don't end up with a Namikaze Naruto able to Shiki Fuin at will or have the death god as his own sock puppet. Powerlevels of that magnitude never end up well..

One thing that stands out though, despite you mentioning it.. The only difference I can imagine differing the combined powers of the Naruto and Kyuubi from either worlds is that one Naruto is weaker than the other. But even so, that difference pales in comparison to the massive powerhouse that is the Kyuubi. So I don't know, realistically both Kyuubis should be able to overpower the death god and use another Naruto as sacrifice in an infinite loop. Unless of course it has something to do with Namikaze Naruto being sealed differently or him being more in touch with Kyuubi's full potential.

Anyway, characterisations were fine again. Though as we're still dealing with a very confused but intelligent Naruto, which you've done well by the way, isn't enough to get a good feel of his personality. Eagerly awaiting more characterization.

4.5/5 for now.

Mage Ronin
02-11-2008, 10:47 PM
Wow. what a wonderful read. I like your characterization of Namikaze Naruto. and your Kyuubi is the way it should have been done by that Uchiha-wannabe Kishi. Your story is very realistic and innovative. I haven't seen a fic like this in a while.

4.8/5

Seven-Nights
02-11-2008, 11:35 PM
I don't know what to say, this is probably the most interesting Naruto fic I've read in some time. What a way to breath some fresh air into my Naruto fanfiction interest. I'd review and rate it, but not until you get past the genin teams, because sometimes the greatest ideas start strong but fail somewhere along the line, mostly around the Wave Arc and Chuunin exams. Keep it up, I'll be keeping an eye on this story for a while.

Sree
02-12-2008, 03:07 AM
Dude. Liath. You are my hero. I will never call you a girl again.

This is a huge breath of fresh air, after reading all the shit on ff.net. A strong Naruto, but not incredibly strong, and a good reason for his strength as well. Thank god. Well written, I never cringed once. I love it. This is easily one of the best beginnings to a Naruto fic I've ever read.

Please don't abandon it. :P

CGB
02-12-2008, 11:19 AM
Very, very good story. Easily the best fic I've read in the last few weeks, if not months. As Sree, I hope you won't abandon it.
Just one question, are you going to upload this to FF.Net?

Kardikek
02-12-2008, 11:18 PM
A very far distance from the commotion, in the safety of his secure apartment, Naruto allowed himself to do the victory pose. “Yatta! Phase One, a complete success!” It had taken him nearly three hours, but it was done without a single problem!

Okay so I'm nitpicking but damn you kept asking for views on characterization. Yatta there makes him sound like a little girl or a 5 year old. :p
Actually, how do you view your Namikaze Naruto anyway? Personality of an 11 year old? Of a 20 year old? Of an 11 year old pretending to be a 20 year old but somewhat failing?

Sree
02-13-2008, 12:43 AM
Nicely done. Though the sake part still bothers me, as I stated in IRC. :P

CGB
02-13-2008, 02:27 AM
Really great! Ingenious idea to get the summoning contract this way. I also like it, that the Sandaime isn't as stupid as often portrayed and does suspect Naruto.

Chime
02-13-2008, 06:43 PM
Impressed, is all I can say.

Though, it is a little difficult to swallow that the Sandaime would even consider Naruto capable of stealing from an A-Rank warehouse. A spy, yes. A spy pretending to be Naruto, yes. But Naruto himself? I seriously doubt it.

doc_gerbil
02-13-2008, 07:07 PM
good show mate. really happy you made the fox an asshole. It makes sense that an immortal fox would require more than 16 years to warm up to a mortal. like the idea of the real uzumaki naruto in hell. keep it up.

tao
02-13-2008, 07:41 PM
is alright. But make it a starcraft crossover and it will kick ass.

Seriously.

Sree
02-13-2008, 10:15 PM
What?

Shut the fuck up, tao. Jeez.

Chime
02-13-2008, 10:20 PM
is alright. But make it a starcraft crossover and it will kick ass.

Seriously.

Only if it's Naruto/zergling brood. Fucking hot.

Andro
02-13-2008, 10:35 PM
But Naruto would be heavily outnumbered. I mean, a zergling brood? Unless they're incestuous, I can't see it ending well for Naruto's orifices.

Naruto/Kerrigan, on the other hand, would be just right.

Chime
02-13-2008, 10:46 PM
excuse me while I clear my throat

coughshadowclonescoughgruntcough

Kerrigan is hot, but I'd rather take the death by zerglings. Who knows what she has instead of a vagina now...

Raijin
02-13-2008, 11:06 PM
What I'm really wandering is why its necessary to have Naruto at the age of 12? I mean yea Kakashi got there before he did but still, it WAS a time of war forcing them to at least accelerate their growth and lower ranking standards. Naruto has been in a time of piece for a while.

Then again it just might be me disliking the whole super powered childish yet super mature 12 year old idea.

liath
02-13-2008, 11:12 PM
What I'm really wandering is why its necessary to have Naruto at the age of 12? I mean yea Kakashi got there before he did but still, it WAS a time of war forcing them to at least accelerate their growth and lower ranking standards. Naruto has been in a time of piece for a while.

Ahh, but what's to say this Naruto didn't grow up in a time of war?

Hmm. If you read that last portion carefully, I alluded to a little bit of the past with Namikaze Naruto.

Indeed, he had been there when his father had crafted slightly altered summoning arrays during that brief war with the hidden village of Cloud. When other ninjas poured chakra into the array, large battle toads had been summoned. Those summoning arrays were largely based on the original.

So you see, there was a war.

To be honest, I don't think the Yondaime would have let the Hyuuga situation go unchallenged--when Cloud tried to kidnap Hinata.

The Third may be peace-loving and allow a loyal Konoha-nin to pay for his life because of stupid politics--

But in the AU world, well, the Yondaime absolutely did not allow the Hyuuga to die.

Thus, the war with Cloud. Which did a lot to accelerate Naruto's growth.

But all of this will feature in the story. ^^

Wildfeather
02-13-2008, 11:31 PM
Anything involving lots of Sake is full of win in my book, and the intelligent way that Naruto beat the truly massive boss toad in this story bring a new level of epicness to the words drinking contest.

Raijin
02-14-2008, 12:20 AM
Yes. From his observations, he was entirely sure it wasn’t someone impersonating the child. If nothing else, the ridiculous chakra capacity of the boy proved this—a chakra source perhaps as large as Sarutobi’s!

Heh, guess he's going around the bend a bit earlier then expected, talking about oneself in the third person is not a good thing Raijin says.

Anyhow I like the snippet and I've got one question from way back when.

Would Naruto actually sacrifice his life for the other Naruto whom he's never met. Though its understandably his fault I'm not sure what placement your Naruto had in the war since somethings obviously would have more effect then others. I.e. killing civilians in cold blood versus killing other shinobi.

Chime
02-14-2008, 06:51 AM
Why doesn't Sarutobi consider the Kyuubi's influence?

Great chapter.

tao
02-14-2008, 07:30 PM
is good. But if you make this a romantic comedy it will kick ass.

Seriously.

Ksai
02-14-2008, 08:59 PM
is good. But if you make this a romantic comedy it will kick ass.

Seriously.


No. It will not. The story is great as it is. No need to fix what is not broken.

tao
02-14-2008, 09:41 PM
Ok but what if naruto became an animagus?

The Wizard
02-14-2008, 09:46 PM
Tao, I'm gonna assume you're not joking.
Stop being such a dumb-fuck.

Seriously

Guest_
02-14-2008, 10:20 PM
Back on topic, I'm gonna second what Chime?? said. Surely the Third Hokage knows about the Kyuubi's massive chakra? He should be pretty worried, for both Naruto and the village, if the Kyuubi shows signs of "awakening".

I love it so far. Update plz!!1!

Wildfeather
02-14-2008, 10:38 PM
Guest_, did you change your avatar?

I like the way the story is going, but the lack of suspicion about the kyuubi influencing/taking over naruto (especially if they are still so very afraid of the kyuubi, ZOMG he grew a couple inches and is subtly different!!!Demons=Cunning=Acting) As chime?? and guest_ have already stated.

Guest_
02-14-2008, 11:08 PM
Yeah, I did. I was sick of that magic circle.

CGB
02-15-2008, 08:11 AM
Very good chapter. I like the direction this story is going

Oujou Akaash
02-15-2008, 01:38 PM
I like it. It's interesting i suppose. I still favor the canon version than your naruto in my opinion. lol But anyway, i hope you know that Oro is a jutsu style specialist while Tsunada is a Taijutsu style specialist and Jairyar is a genjutsu style specialist. Just tid bids I'm throwing because most people don't know this fact.

Sree
02-15-2008, 02:14 PM
You prefer a weak and stupid Naruto rather than this one?

Mage Ronin
02-15-2008, 03:18 PM
I like it. It's interesting i suppose. I still favor the canon version than your naruto in my opinion. lol But anyway, i hope you know that Oro is a jutsu style specialist while Tsunada is a Taijutsu style specialist and Jairyar is a genjutsu style specialist. Just tid bids I'm throwing because most people don't know this fact.


How da hell is Jiraiya a genjutsu specialist?! he's combat oriented meaning flashy, collateral damaging ninjutsu (his Toad Oil Cannon and that Ultimate Rasengan), taijutsu, and seals. in fact, i'd say he was a sealing specialist and a ninjutsu specialist.

you're right about Oro since it is (was) his goal to become immortal and learn every ninjutsu in the world...but rather than just generalizing him to one aspect of a ninja, i'd say he was an assasination specialist with knowledge on seals and ninja medicine. come on, his love of snakes say it all! and the fact that Anko Mitarashi is a Sp. Jounin in ANBU gives more proof.

and Tsunade is a medical specialist. you can't say she's a Taijutsu specialist since we haven't seen any tai techniques from her (as seen with Gai, Lee, and Neji). She's more of a brawler with loose form and superhuman strength. she has some knowledge on seals and ninjutsu but most of it is related to medicine. and i'd also say Tsunade is more of a genjutsu specialist than Jiraiya.

basically, Jiraiya is the fighter. Oro is the killer. and Tsunade is the healer.

Wildfeather
02-15-2008, 05:29 PM
I like it. It's interesting i suppose. I still favor the canon version than your naruto in my opinion. lol But anyway, i hope you know that Oro is a jutsu style specialist while Tsunada is a Taijutsu style specialist and Jairyar is a genjutsu style specialist. Just tid bids I'm throwing because most people don't know this fact.

Genjutsu specialist my ass. I only know of one genjutsu Jiraiya has, and that's his invisibility/pervert peeking technique.Provide proof or be known as a naruto fool!

Mage Ronin
02-15-2008, 05:48 PM
i think the fool mis-interpreted Jiraiya's knowledge of breaking genjutsu as being an expert/specialist of genjutsu...

Ksai
02-15-2008, 08:04 PM
Genjutsu specialist my ass. I only know of one genjutsu Jiraiya has, and that's his invisibility/pervert peeking technique.Provide proof or be known as a naruto fool!
Jiraiya is not a Genjutsu specialist. Though to be fair he used his Hermit mode to cast one bad ass Genjutsu on Pain:) That should count on something.

PS
This story needs to be updated. It is to good not to be.

Oujou Akaash
02-15-2008, 08:55 PM
You prefer a weak and stupid Naruto rather than this one?

I rather prefer someone who works his way up to the top rather than someone who already has power. Because if that is true, it just gets boring.

How da hell is Jiraiya a genjutsu specialist?! he's combat oriented meaning flashy, collateral damaging ninjutsu (his Toad Oil Cannon and that Ultimate Rasengan), taijutsu, and seals. in fact, i'd say he was a sealing specialist and a ninjutsu specialist.


For one, he trapped Itachi in the first season in genjutsu so powerful he had to use Amaterasu to break out of it. There is no way in hell someone who isn't a genjutsu specialist can know that kind of jutsu. It's like trying to learn how to jump before walking.

you're right about Oro since it is (was) his goal to become immortal and learn every ninjutsu in the world...but rather than just generalizing him to one aspect of a ninja, i'd say he was an assasination specialist with knowledge on seals and ninja medicine. come on, his love of snakes say it all! and the fact that Anko Mitarashi is a Sp. Jounin in ANBU gives more proof.

and Tsunade is a medical specialist. you can't say she's a Taijutsu specialist since we haven't seen any tai techniques from her (as seen with Gai, Lee, and Neji). She's more of a brawler with loose form and superhuman strength. she has some knowledge on seals and ninjutsu but most of it is related to medicine. and i'd also say Tsunade is more of a genjutsu specialist than Jiraiya.

basically, Jiraiya is the fighter. Oro is the killer. and Tsunade is the healer.

Thats a pretty stupid thing to say. Oro the killer? Jiraiya the fighter?! There all ninjas trained to kill. And the only reason why i said Tsunada is a tai specialist is because of her strength. What the hell is she going to use her strength for anyway? Other than flicking people out of her office that pisses her off?

And Ksai is right. Using that kind of genjutus on pein just screems Gen master, how the hell does someone knows something like that if he isn't a Genjutsu specialist? It's pretty obvious anyone can have more than one specialist style and all i pointed out was that tai, gen and nin in general. Not other style.

i think the fool mis-interpreted Jiraiya's knowledge of breaking genjutsu as being an expert/specialist of genjutsu...

Oh i'm sorry?! What was that again? Calling me a fool for what exactly? Your one of those little shits who can't debate to save your own ass while ranting on how gay Kishi is for making Sasuke so powerful. What an idiot. If your going to insult do it preferably because frankly, i'll make you my bitch.

Sree
02-15-2008, 09:02 PM
Except that canon Naruto is nowhere near the top. He's at the bottom, even after "working hard."

Oujou Akaash
02-15-2008, 09:04 PM
Except that canon Naruto is nowhere near the top. He's at the bottom, even after "working hard."

True but at least he is more powerful then kakashi.

Sree
02-15-2008, 09:13 PM
Is he? I haven't read the manga in a while, but from what IndoGhost told me, I can't see Naruto beating one of the best shinobi in Konoha.

Rumbleroar
02-15-2008, 09:40 PM
*Spoiler Alert*



Naruto doesn't "beat down', Orochimaru in the Manga. Infact, if you take in the facts of the Manga's fight between the two... Naruto was on the slight 'loser' end of it all.

Throughout the entire fight, Orochimaru played around. He never took Naruto seriously until at the very end when Naruto performed a focused blast of condensed chakra at him, and even then, he used an expendable jutsu, that he had custom made.

The only reason Sasuke beats Orochimaru, is because Orochimaru is sick, debilitated, and pretty much already on his back. True, being a Shinobi is all about fighting with what you got... but Orochimaru was elite, still is technically because he's living on inside of both Sasuke AND Kabuto.

As well... if you look at powerscale... it's looking like Jiraiya is really at the top as the Toad Sannin. If he hadn't completely held back from the beginning of the fight til just before it was over, it's quite possible Jiraiya could of taken Pain down. As well, Jiraiya has always had the capacity to take Orochimaru down.

Back on track...

Naruto only held a candle to Orochimaru in their fight, because of the Kyuubi, and even at 4-tails... while he might of beat the Snake Sannin in chakra capacity, Orochimaru has years of experience, oodles of techniques, and the pure knowledge to back it all up. He's a jutsu-master, and utilizes them quickly and efficiently.

I'm looking forward to the next installment of this fic, while I don't particularly like the way Sarutobi is being displayed (he's always been one of more favorite characters/martyrs), as it's a really good read.

Keep up the work.

Seven-Nights
02-15-2008, 09:47 PM
Is he? I haven't read the manga in a while, but from what IndoGhost told me, I can't see Naruto beating one of the best shinobi in Konoha.

*This is my speculation, if I'm wrong then just show me HOW I'm wrong.*

I also have not read the manga in a long time, but from what I hear from friends is that Naruto is indeed stronger than Kakashi, but that is only true because Naruto completed the Rasengan that both Kakashi and the Yondaime could not. Then again, he's forbidden from using it ever again. Now thats kinda messed up. Remembering what I have read of the current manga, Naruto STILL sucks against genjutsu. His ninjutsu is, to our knowledge, limited to Kage Bushin and Rasengan (Although he can summon we have no idea if that is even relative to the story now as we never seen him summon since the Chuunin exam). And his taijutsu is from what I see in the images basically his street brawling style from when he was 3 years younger. Only thing he seems to have going for him is his supposedly high chakra. The Kyuubi chakra is nice and all but just hurts him more and shortens his lifespan. Though its kinda useless now that Sasuke can block Naruto's usage of it.

You know... I'm beginning to wonder. Naruto only relies on a few jutsu, sucks at defending against his senses and mind, hasn't seemed to get any stronger in any obvious way in almost 3 years, and his friends seem to be much better off in terms of overall strength. To me, sounds like a japanese equivalent of Harry Potter books 6-7, but without the Gin-slut romance. Though Sakura is hinted as his potential girlfriend, though not as strongly and not out of nowhere. Now I think I remember why I stopped reading the Naruto manga...

No wonder I like 'Across Dimensions', and other powerful Naruto stories, canon Naruto seems like he is way below average compared to everyone else. Looking forward to an update for this story. It really satisfies my thirst for a decently powerful Naruto.

Mage Ronin
02-15-2008, 10:00 PM
For one, he trapped Itachi in the first season in genjutsu so powerful he had to use Amaterasu to break out of it. There is no way in hell someone who isn't a genjutsu specialist can know that kind of jutsu. It's like trying to learn how to jump before walking.

No, it was not a genjutsu. it was a ninjutsu, particularly a summoning jutsu.

Genjutsu doesn't work on Sharingan users either. Never in canon has there been an instance where a Sharingan user, with the doujutsu active, ever fell for genjutsu.

And Ksai is right. Using that kind of genjutus on pein just screems Gen master, how the hell does someone knows something like that if he isn't a Genjutsu specialist? It's pretty obvious anyone can have more than one specialist style and all i pointed out was that tai, gen and nin in general. Not other style.

I'm not saying Jiraiya doesn't know any genjutsu. I'd be really surprise with his rank if he doesn't know even the strong ones. what I'm saying is that he has basic knowledge in it, knows a few strong ones but he does not specializes in it, as in his fighting style rarely uses genjutsu nor is genjutsu the basis for his style.

here, he even say it himself:
http://img30.onemanga.com/mangas/00000004/00000378/06.jpg

Thats a pretty stupid thing to say. Oro the killer? Jiraiya the fighter?! There all ninjas trained to kill.

I agree with you that all ninjas are trained to kill. But between Jiraiya and Orochi, who's more willing to resort to death?

For example, in a mission to retrieve an object, I can very well envision Jiraiya beating the hell out of his opponents, leaving them unconscious and continuing the mission. If it was Orochi, I'd imagine him killing all his opponents just for the hell of it.

And the only reason why i said Tsunade is a tai specialist is because of her strength. What the hell is she going to use her strength for anyway? Other than flicking people out of her office that pisses her off?

so by your definition, anyone with freakish strength is automatically a expert in hand to hand combat?

when you said Tai specialist, i compared her to Gai, who we all know is also a Tai specialist. The reason i said she wasn't a Tai specialist is that we've never seen her use a tai technique whereas we seen Gai, Lee, hell even, Kakashi, use various tai moves.

like i said, Tsu fights like a brawler. She knows how to throw a punch, but not hot to fight in hand to hand combat; she has no specific martial arts style. Also, she has super strength to offset her weakness in Tai.

Oh i'm sorry?! What was that again? Calling me a fool for what exactly? Your one of those little shits who can't debate to save your own ass while ranting on how gay Kishi is for making Sasuke so powerful. What an idiot. If your going to insult do it preferably because frankly, i'll make you my bitch.

First, i'm sorry for calling you a fool. it was uncalled for, meaningless, and infantile. but to me, your comment did sound kinda dumb and somehow noobish.

second, no i'm not a "little shit." and the only reason i rant on Kishi is how he makes Naruto seem useless. He's practically pulling a JKR!

Rumbleroar
02-15-2008, 10:01 PM
*This is my speculation, if I'm wrong then just show me HOW I'm wrong.*

Alright, hehe.

but from what I hear from friends is that Naruto is indeed stronger than Kakashi

Naruto only has more Chakra Capacity then Kakashi, and perhaps stronger then him in his Tai-jutsu style. Naruto however is no where near as fast as Kakashi, has a fraction as many Jutsu's, nor capable of the various amounts of other things Kakashi can do to supplement his lack of Tai-jutsu strength, which he is still badass at.

but that is only true because Naruto completed the Rasengan that both Kakashi and the Yondaime could not.

The Rasengan is an S-Class Technique that was created by the Yondaime Hokage, and has only even been masted by Jiraiya and the Yondaime. Kakashi has never shown he is capable of performing the technique.


Then again, he's forbidden from using it ever again.[quote]

He was forbidden by Kakashi from ever using the technique against Sasuke... which was supremely ignored. The Rasengen is not a Kinjutsu, it's a Hijutsu. Meaning it's not Forbidden, it's only the personal jutsu of certain people who can master it.

[quote=Seven-Nights;172790]Remembering what I have read of the current manga, Naruto STILL sucks against genjutsu.

Very correct. Where Naruto lacks in ALL Genjutsu skills, he makes up for in having such a huge chakra capacity to blow genjutsu illusions away from himself.

His ninjutsu is, to our knowledge, limited to Kage Bushin and Rasengan (Although he can summon we have no idea if that is even relative to the story now as we never seen him summon since the Chuunin exam).

He can perform the Henge no Jutsu, as well as the Kawirimi no Jutsu. He can also do the Tree and Water Walking exercises. However you are correct, he doesn't display any ninjutsu capacity outside of those listed.

And his taijutsu is from what I see in the images basically his street brawling style from when he was 3 years younger.

Yep, pretty much on the dot. However, he is a very strategic planer when he's fighting opponents. He usually uses the Kage Bunshin as a buffer between himself and his enemy as he gauges their fighting styles off of. Then he moves in for quick attacks.

Only thing he seems to have going for him is his supposedly high chakra. The Kyuubi chakra is nice and all but just hurts him more and shortens his lifespan.

The Kyuubi Chakra only shortens his lifespan when he lets the 4!Tail out. As long as it he doesn't go up to that level, he is fine. Naruto also already has an enormous amount of Chakra for someone his age as well, without the Kyuubi-donation.

Though its kinda useless now that Sasuke can block Naruto's usage of it.

I believe that this was done more out of shock then anything else, and that Sasuke can't really turn the Kyuubi tap on and off, at will.

Chime
02-15-2008, 11:01 PM
Thats a pretty stupid thing to say. Oro the killer? Jiraiya the fighter?! There all ninjas trained to kill. And the only reason why i said Tsunada is a tai specialist is because of her strength. What the hell is she going to use her strength for anyway? Other than flicking people out of her office that pisses her off?

Ninja are more than tai/nin/gen specialists. Look at how the genin teams are set up. Kiba's team is obviously meant for tracking – Gai's for offensive tactics and cover fire – InoShikaChou are jack of all trades – Naruto's group is powerhouse/miscellaneous type...

Taijutsu is martial arts. Tsunade throws angry punches around brutishly. She's not at all a taijutsu master. Jiraiya summons and does ninjutsu. Orochimaru summons, does ninjutsu, and fights with kenjutsu. To be a "genjutsu master" I would think that Jiraiya would need to know more high level genjutsu – like Itachi, or even Kurenai (Jiraiya has never used one offensive or defensive genjutsu in battle).

Sakura was able to dispel genjutsu off herself and others – does that make her a "genjutsu master"? Hardly.

There is a difference between "fighter" and "killer" though you've simplified things for your own purposes.

Orochimaru is stealthy. He kills things in one strike. He is a "killer" or assassin. Jiraiya is easily a flashy attention man. He "fights" or draws attention to himself, fighting multiple ninja at once easily with his area-of-effect terrain-altering ninjutsu and massive summons. Tsunade is the healer, but also has defensive taijutsu to one-shot kill anyone who gets in her way.

And Ksai is right. Using that kind of genjutus on pein just screems Gen master, how the hell does someone knows something like that if he isn't a Genjutsu specialist? It's pretty obvious anyone can have more than one specialist style and all i pointed out was that tai, gen and nin in general. Not other style.


I know the fundamental theory of calculus. Does this make me a "calculus master"? Even if I knew one ounce of advanced calculus, would that qualify me for the title? Jiraiya has gotten around obviously, so he knows things, but his style is obviously not genjutsu. He may know some advanced things about genjutsu, but that hardly qualifies him as a master, or even a practitioner.

Just because it "screams" something to you it doesn't mean bullshit. If all you have to back up your intuition is poorly articulated mush, then stop arguing and acknowledge that your opinion is unique to you and incorrect to the majority populace. Though I'm pressed to call your words "opinion" since we're not really talking literary criticism here, but objectional fact mongering.

Oh i'm sorry?! What was that again? Calling me a fool for what exactly? Your one of those little shits who can't debate to save your own ass while ranting on how gay Kishi is for making Sasuke so powerful. What an idiot. If your going to insult do it preferably because frankly, i'll make you my bitch.

Everyone but you seems to be calm here.

You're acting incredibly immature.

Your language "screams" twelve year old – stop talking like you're in some back alley with your "thugs" or whatever shit dellusions you have. This is the internet. Your tough guy talk means nothing here.

Moving on:

Naruto could never beat Kakashi in a friendly fight. He'd have to kill him to do it (killing someone takes less skill than controlling your power). And even then, Kakashi might be able to suppress the Kyuubi in some way, so I doubt Naruto could kill Kakashi even then.

Naruto is still pretty weak. He's probably mid/low-chuunin level (since we've not really seen a lot of chuunin action, this is just a guess) skill-wise. With the Kyuubi, he has the ability to keep up with jounin and endure kage-level enemies, though he has no way to truly defeat either.

Very correct. Where Naruto lacks in ALL Genjutsu skills, he makes up for in having such a huge chakra capacity to blow genjutsu illusions away from himself.

This is more fanon. We don't really understand the mechanics of dispelling genjutsu more than the simple "kai" technique – however that works is still uncertain.

Mage Ronin
02-15-2008, 11:12 PM
And Ksai is right. Using that kind of genjutus on pein just screems Gen master, how the hell does someone knows something like that if he isn't a Genjutsu specialist? It's pretty obvious anyone can have more than one specialist style and all i pointed out was that tai, gen and nin in general. Not other style. I know the fundamental theory of calculus. Does this make me a "calculus master"? Even if I knew one ounce of advanced calculus, would that qualify me for the title? Jiraiya has gotten around obviously, so he knows things, but his style is obviously not genjutsu. He may know some advanced things about genjutsu, but that hardly qualifies him as a master, or even a practitioner.

and another thing, it wasn't Jiraiya that casted the genjutsu used against Pain. It was the frogs he summoned.

http://www.onemanga.com/Naruto/378/08/

Kardikek
02-16-2008, 04:39 AM
Oujou's been trolling the naruto manga thread and getting the exact same beatdown because of his delusional views. Please stop hijacking this thread and let's bow down to the glory that is Taliath!

CGB
02-16-2008, 07:50 AM
Oujou's been trolling the naruto manga thread and getting the exact same beatdown because of his delusional views. Please stop hijacking this thread and let's bow down to the glory that is Taliath!

I agree. Oujou Akaash: The vast majority of the board disagrees with you and you couldn't sway any of them in the Naruto Manga Thread. So, why bother "arguing" and turning this thread in another pointless discussion of the manga? This is after all supposed to be a thread about Taliaths story...

Mage Ronin
02-16-2008, 10:34 AM
nice! can't wait till Naruto and Jiraiya talk! by the way, Jiraiya is an awesome bullshitter. if only i had such talent...

anyway, great chapter. honestly, the ending does feel rushed, but considering that Jiraiya and Naruto really wanted to get out of Sandaime's presence, i'd say it's perfect.

CGB
02-16-2008, 04:48 PM
Again, very good chapter. The best part IMO was Naruto lying Kakashi style^^. But I hope the message Naruto sent to Jiraiya was reasonable. Because I can't image Jiraiya trusting Naruto just like this.

Sree
02-16-2008, 04:48 PM
... gah, cliffhanger. Kind of. Nice scene. :P

Kardikek
02-16-2008, 06:09 PM
With the way your chapters are going, the way you always want to know what happens next is a very good indicator that you're really plotting things out in advance. This in the older HP fandom is a rarity but in the Naruto fandom it's a damn miracle. Most authors have the attention span of a goldfish who rehash canon inputting "cool" and "original" sentences every once in a while.

Character wise your Naruto is clearly behaving like the genious that he should be given his training and status. A breath of fresh air. But perhaps you should tone down on the loud obnoxious idiocy a little bit. He is still a 12 year old after all and I can't see how he'd have much experience in acting like an idiot (canon!Naruto) with the upbringing he's had. But that's nitpicking.

I know it was part of the original plot but I felt since start that his unconditional support of Jiraiya in particular was a bit strange considering how suspicious of everyone else he's been. People change as he said and he has no idea how the Jiraiya of this world is after all. Or it's just a case of him convincing himself that Jiraiya will always be himself no matter the world. Faulty logic on the behalf of a character I can live with but I hope he realizes this flaw in reasoning sometime in the future.


And how right he was. When the meeting finally ended at last, and everyone in the apparent Team 7 dispersed off into different directions, the blond boy was the only person still pensively staring off into the distance.

“Survival training,” mused Naruto as he walked away from that first team meeting. “What a joke.” He had never had to go through something like that in his home world—but he had heard about it from his ero-niisan. I wonder if he’s going to use that same old bell test?

Well, at least he had learned the name of his female teammate. Haruno Sakura. Loud, obnoxious, obsessed with the Uchiha, and at this point, he concluded, useless as a kunoichi.

“Naruto, don’t forget Hokage-sama wants to see you now,” muttered Kakashi before he had disappeared—


That part was just odd, first part everyone's gone with Naruto standing there alone. Then just after Kakashi's suddenly back to say something before leaving.



Eagerly awaiting more interaction with Jiraiya and everyone else! Chap 3, part 1 was ace. You don't happen to need a beta by any chance? :p

Ksai
02-16-2008, 06:57 PM
Very nice chapter.

Jiraiya was great. And it would be even greater if there would be more of him later.

SmileOfTheKill
02-25-2008, 12:41 AM
Isn't Jiraiya a super duper ninja?
I think even if he was that surprised he would not show such obvious clues to surprise as "His body froze. His thoughts jammed to a stop. His mouth dropped open."
I could see Naruto notice slight actions to show Jiraiya is surprised, like an increased attention to Narutos action.
Nothing too obvious that a civilian could spot in a moment.
It could be just me though.

Wildfeather
02-25-2008, 12:56 AM
Kind of, i think learning that there is a world in which your favorite and most successful student survived, would shock your system, even as a ninja. I'm sure there are some ninj who would take it in impassively, but jiraiya (and most konoha ninja) and very emotional, even in a "Wary but curious" state. That's my two cents...But good sneak in their with the "how do u know kyuubi isn't controlling/messing with you mind" but it could have been done more tactfully. Theoretically, Jiraiya believes he is dealing with a potential unstable/hostile impersonater of naruto. So he'd be a bit less..blunt? Well at least hopefully, Jiraiya died :(...

Sree
02-25-2008, 01:23 AM
Consider the fact that only the Yondaime knows the Hiraishin, Smile. And here's a kid claiming to be from another dimension. Sure, he knows the Rasengan, but it is feasible that Kakashi taught it to him. But this is the final nail in the coffin, even Jiraiya can't do the Hiraishin.

Nice scene, liath. :)

Wildfeather
02-25-2008, 03:45 AM
Well, just for the sake of argument, even though I sincerely doubt it, what if kyuubi (is that one U or two? I always mess that up) had seen it, and he took over at some point it might have been possible for him/her to replicate it. Probably not, super unlikely, but then again...kishi is a bitch.

CGB
02-25-2008, 08:19 AM
Very nice part, liath. I like the way you add some smaller flashbacks that explain Narutos childhood.

Cxjenious
02-25-2008, 11:43 AM
Yeah, the flashbacks were fucking awesome. After that, I can't imagine this Naruto actually joining a Genin team.

Kardikek
02-25-2008, 12:53 PM
Considering his upbringing I can't see him being very normal at all. I'm guessing he had a happy early childhood with a good father and people who liked him. However as he went to war and has been leading people more than 5 times his age must put it's mark on his psyche. He can't have had much time to get adjusted childish whims as he's been special since birth. From his closest friends from his side, (Jiraiya, Kakashi, Rin & Minato, all adults mind you) to everyone who sees him as the powerful progeny of the 4th.

A child going through things like this either break or get forced to mature, neither which is very healthy in the long run. Being forced to mature basically means copying the mannerisms of surrounding adults, which in tihs case means stone cold ninjas. Forcefully adoping a less hyper, more poker-faced and quiet imaginary personality. The adults around would think he's matured while inside he's not quite right, personalities aren't that easy to change. Though! His behaviour towards people he's known since long before should remain constant.

I know the outer facade to hide a painful past is a cliché in fandom but there really is a point behind it. There's a reason why maturing shouldn't be force hurried if you want to fit into the society. Naruto fans must always hold the series in a suspense of disbelief, actively ignoring the psychological effects of sending 5 year olds into battle with the ability to kill at a whim. I mean 5 year olds have no inhibitions, the only reason why they wouldn't kill one person (allies) instead of other persons (hostiles) would be because the big meany said so. Even 10 year olds would be hard pressed to understand political reasons much less the effects of war like an adult would.

Luckily for him you didn't write him off as having been in a warzone since birth, he's actually had a somewhat nice childhood considering his penchant for pranks. His father would have likely tried to let Naruto grow up as normally as possible along with the others.


Anyway, my point is the way he's been, he should be a bit strange. Personality quirks and such.


And about the beta, I just want first crack and your stuff :p

Chime
03-11-2008, 04:34 PM
*whistles innocently* *coughs*

Don't tell me this story's been abandoned? I hope not –*if it's just taking you a while to churn something out, liath, then that's fine, but I'm curious...

Ksai
03-12-2008, 03:42 AM
Damn you Chime for thinking it was updated.

Liath. Any news for us?

CGB
03-26-2008, 07:44 AM
Great as always. I like that you don't have Konoha pretend they don't know about the invasion like in so many other stories.

Cxjenious
03-26-2008, 10:38 AM
I can't wait to see the battle!

Sree
03-26-2008, 11:43 AM
Battle will surely be epic. D:

Awesome chapter, Liath.

Sporangia
03-26-2008, 03:43 PM
Awesome. I've been haunting the WBA waiting for this story to be updated - looking forward to the confrontation :-)

Chime
03-26-2008, 04:46 PM
You can't kill Kabuto off yet! He's like... the only villain left in Naruto.

Ksai
03-27-2008, 02:26 PM
You can't kill Kabuto off yet! He's like... the only villain left in Naruto.


Errr??? Akatsuki? Orochimaru? Half of Cloud and Iwa?

Btw. Thanks for the update. It was refreshing. And do you plan to post this on ff.net?

LogrusMage
03-27-2008, 03:11 PM
You really should post this on FF.net, or another site at least. I'm having major trouble finding where I left off last!

Sree
03-27-2008, 03:58 PM
Logrus: Just use the "Go to last unread post" feature. If it's not the actual story, and just a random post, just keep scrolling down until you see a big block of text. :P

LogrusMage
03-29-2008, 12:34 AM
Logrus: Just use the "Go to last unread post" feature. If it's not the actual story, and just a random post, just keep scrolling down until you see a big block of text. :P

Err... where is this feature? Heh...

Edit: Found it within seconds of posting.

Sree
03-29-2008, 02:27 AM
Rofl, yeah, I use it all the time. New Posts + Last Unread saves a lot of energy. XD

Kardikek
03-29-2008, 08:47 AM
In the real shinobi world, one-on-one duels rarely took place. The fact was that shinobi always traveled in groups of at least two. To travel by oneself was suicide—unless, of course, one was S-rank. But that was another matter entirely. In Naruto’s home dimension, there were less than twenty S-rank shinobi still known to be living. In the whole of the shinobi world, consisting of thousands of Genin, almost a thousand chuunin, hundreds of jounin—less than twenty were still living who had achieved that legendary status.

Only comment really, those numbers seem to be awfully low considering canon. Though maybe as I realized later you meant ninjas in active service, yet that still seems to be rather in the low-end. As doubtfully these numbers are in any way important other than explaining the rarity of being S-rank, how about you just make them more vague?

CGB
03-29-2008, 09:00 AM
Nice^^. Concerning whether you should write the fight scene or not, I'd say yes. Sooner or later you have to write one and I believe it's better to gain experience through a smaller and not so important one. And if you mess up, you can always delete it^^
Anyway, good work

Mage Ronin
03-29-2008, 12:26 PM
i agree with CGB. you should write the fight scene.

nice chapter, btw. only problem is:

— and so it truly disturbing to the teen spy when the bright grin on the boy’s face only stretched wider as death soared towards him.

Kabuto experienced a very bad feeling.


there's no transition between these 2 sentences. it's like you jumped from one thought to the next. I suggest something like this: Before the kunai reached it's goal, Kabuto suddenly experienced a very bad feeling. or like this : As his arm swiftly moved through the air, the kunai faintly whistling, Kabuto suddenly experienced a very bad feeling.

EDIT: Of course, Kaymi didn’t quite understand why the Hokage would allow an untested, unexperienced Genin attempt to subdue a shinobi spy capable enough to warrant both the Toad Hermit and the Sandaime, as well as a squad of ANBU nearby, to supervise.

should be "inexperienced"

Chime
03-29-2008, 02:32 PM
It'd be odd if there was no fight scene after all that... so give it a shot. We're here to help, afterall.

It's not like you can write a Naruto fic without fight scenes – even if you skip Kabuto's you'll have to write one eventually.

Kalas
03-30-2008, 02:33 PM
I finally decided to check out what this story and suprise, suprise I found a Naruto story that could replace 'Never Cut Twice' as my all-time favorite.

The only problem I had with the story, a small one, was the lack of reaction from Naruto at the news of the Uchiha Massacre. You said the Uchiha Elders had had Itachi stricken from the records, implying there were Uchiha left. I would expect more of a reaction form Naruto when he found out that one of the strongest clans in all of Konoha was gone.

Besides that it was an excellant read. As for the combat scene I say go for it. THe wors tthat could happen is it sucks, but in that case you could only improve no?

Ksai
04-09-2008, 02:37 PM
Any news on the update, Liath?

Chime
04-09-2008, 03:04 PM
Don't bug him :P. He said he'd be busy. I'm sure we'll see it soon enough.

Renzhoulawyers
04-19-2008, 08:36 AM
Very good, but can you please refrain from using "Believe it!"? It totally kills the naruto (the jap one)'s character.

Also, just curious, why is this not on your FFNET? Are you going to post it there after finishing it?

Waiting for an updatez ^^

Chime
04-19-2008, 09:16 AM
He won't post it on ffnet until he has a few more chapters finished.

"Believe it" is fine, I think, but neither "Believe it" or "Dattebayo" are a central part of Naruto – just a stupid catchphrase.

Renzhoulawyers
04-20-2008, 01:16 AM
yes, but the literial translation of "Dattebayo" means (vaguely) 'because it is'
gtg now, explain more later

Kalas
04-20-2008, 07:47 PM
Really I thought Dattebayo was a nonsense word that became Naruto's catchphrase. Kind of like what Deidara does.

Manatheron
04-21-2008, 02:47 AM
Oh You SOB! That has got to be one of the most evil cliffies i've stumbled across in over a year! I Love it! Epic Start my friend, simply Epic! I can't wait for the next installment!

Chime
04-21-2008, 09:02 PM
Really I thought Dattebayo was a nonsense word that became Naruto's catchphrase. Kind of like what Deidara does.

I don't know where "Renzhouwlawyers" learned Japanese, but for the most part, it's recognized as a nonsense word (or an obscure colloquial term similar to "dontchaknow" – though I forget where I heard that):

It seems to me that Naruto says "dattebayo" a lot. What does it mean?

It means, "I'm gay."
Actually it means nothing at all. It's just something random that Naruto adds onto the end of almost all of his lines to annoy us. Please don't send us feedback telling us we're wrong because you've taken 3 weeks of Japanese classes or read differently on urbandictionary.com.

from http://www.dattebayo.com/faq.aspx

Sree
04-21-2008, 10:29 PM
Rofl, so I went to that faq page because I was bored. This bit made me stare at the screen going "Wtf."



Can I upload your videos to YouTube/blah/some other crappy flash video site?

No. We don't appreciate when our quality work ends up recompressed and resized and uploaded to streaming video sites so that they can make a profit off our contents. Just don't do it. We don't care what kind of site it is. Flash video quality is shit, so we DON'T WANT OUR WORK THERE. Period. This is NOT up for discussion. This includes ALL streaming video sites, and not limited to Youtube and other "popular" ones. Including DivX Stage6, too. Also keep in mind that uploading these files to a streaming video site is copyright infringement.After which I just lol'd. Lulzy that a site which is giving pirated Naruto episodes to the world actually has the balls to tell us that uploading these files to youtube is copyright infringement. Arrogant ass fucks. XD

LogrusMage
04-22-2008, 11:10 PM
Dattebayo is kinda known for being a bunch of arrogant shitheads.

Makes for awesome lulz however. Anyone remeber the Jew scandal? Fucking lawl...

Manatheron
04-23-2008, 01:58 AM
Anyone remeber the Jew scandal?


Er... No?

would you care to enlighten me? Please?

Aekiel
04-23-2008, 02:16 AM
Really I thought Dattebayo was a nonsense word that became Naruto's catchphrase. Kind of like what Deidara does.

It is, there is no literal translation into English because it means... nothing. There's nothing that corresponds to it in our language either, so I can't really explain it. It just makes him seem more childish - at least that's what I've heard.

Aekiel

Renzhoulawyers
04-23-2008, 03:36 AM
it is sorta nonsensical, but jap people always add random stuff after their sentences ~nya

Its sorta natural ~pyon

But when engirish people try to do it... Believe it! *vomits* that is just totally wrong....

(and 'datte' = because; 'ba' = particle meaning 'if'; and 'yo' is equivalent to a '!'
A VERY literal translation, i was just trying to point out it has NOTHING to do with 'believe it' in any sense of the word. And i studied jap for 4 years during highschool... and failed. But i'm pretty sure the stuff above is atleast 50% right ^^)

Mage Ronin
04-23-2008, 09:49 PM
But when engirish people try to do it... Believe it! *vomits* that is just totally wrong....
who the hell are the Engirish people?!

And i studied jap for 4 years during highschool... and failed. But i'm pretty sure the stuff above is atleast 50% right ^^)

yeah, that really doesn't help your argument very much...

LogrusMage
04-23-2008, 09:52 PM
Er... No?

would you care to enlighten me? Please?

Err... it amounts to this: They asked for new people, basically said 'Jews need not apply' as a semi-joke. People got offended. They mocked those people. The end.

The small uproar (Dattebayo is teh racists!!!) was fun while it lasted though...

Manatheron
04-23-2008, 10:04 PM
Gotcha.

Thanks for the the info.

Chime
04-24-2008, 07:05 AM
Datte's also had a bunch of funny april fools jokes. "WE'RE GOING TO SUB POKEMON INSTEAD OF NARUTO GUYS" they got a lot of 12 year olds emailing them for that one.

Kardikek
05-03-2008, 09:20 AM
Bravo! For a first attempt it was really good. It was obvious you weren't used to writing physical action scenes with the lack of well, punches and kicks and it was a bit on the artsy descriptive side but that's not a bad thing.

Really interested to read about the result of this showoff. :D

Blazing Chime
05-03-2008, 09:32 AM
Great chapter. :)

This story is now officially my favorite, along with Fuinjutsu. Man, I can read this again and again. If I remember right Naruto will be promoted to Jounin now.

This story is epic.

Sree
05-03-2008, 11:10 AM
Awesome liath, that was a good fight scene for someone who said they were bad at them. :P

Chime
05-03-2008, 04:23 PM
If you write EVERY fight scene like that... well, don't be afraid to mix it up, but that was great. You should have more confidence in your ability.

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat
05-03-2008, 04:37 PM
Awesome fight scene, I need more!

Calis Clayr
05-03-2008, 05:52 PM
If one assumes that your fight scenes will only improve from now on, they will become pretty epic...:)

Seriously, you did great.

Wildfeather
05-03-2008, 07:30 PM
Very nicely done, though it is nice to see that some AU stories for Naruto aren't a complete waste of time. Chime?? looks like you got a fanboy lol.

Chime
05-03-2008, 08:19 PM
Very nicely done, though it is nice to see that some AU stories for Naruto aren't a complete waste of time. Chime?? looks like you got a fanboy lol.

I'm excited ALONE to find an author who has a plot... and an intent to continue with his story.

90% of all the good Naruto fics I have on my alert list are dead – it's maddening. Stuff like 'Tempered in Water' and True Radical Dreamer's stuff... among many others (I've found a quite a number of good "Naruto becomes a ninja in pre-Kyuubi times" – sadly they've all not been updated since march).

Kalas
05-03-2008, 09:18 PM
As everyone has said, and I agree, an excellant fight scene, amazing for a first attempt. THe only problem I had was when Kayumi thought to herself 'How can this be?' It's more of a pet peeve of mine then anything else... but thing's like that don't add to the story's flow, they're more like speedbumps.

Blazing Chime
05-04-2008, 09:28 AM
Heh, the great Taliath doesn't fail.

Nice chapter, by the way. Does Sandaime trust Naruto now or is he still going to keep a eye on him?

P.s. cool av

Mage Ronin
05-04-2008, 09:33 AM
awesome!!!!!!!

now that that's out of the way, cool ending. the only thing wrong, imo, is the child geniuses turning out evil. I mean, Kakashi (who became a Chuunin at age 6-7 which is way before Itachi, who became a Chuunin at 10) didn't turn out evil.

Kardikek
05-04-2008, 10:14 AM
You have a way of truly getting into the minds of the characters and using the momentum of suspense, never loose that please. :)

Given the description of the outcome I was a bit disappointed to realize that you didn't really describe any of Naruto's elemental ninjutsu except for the wind manipulation he used to boost his movement. A moment of, huh when did that happen?

Your explenation regarding the 3rds law on age requirements was a good way to tie in how you don't see the super young elite in Naruto's timeline. Though to be honest, I never could see how someone 30+ willingly and without question following the lead of some little 10 year old no matter how freakishly powerful that 10 year old was. Less because of whatever egos involved due to the militaristic nature of the village but more so because there's just no way someone that young would be able to grasp concepts necessary to lead others.
Think it's got more to do with young shinobis being mentally unbalanced, which Kakashi is rather than turning homocidal!traitor on Konoha Mage Ronin.

Regarding the experience issue, considering the 3rd's almost ridiculous level of insight and suspiciousness in previous chapters I expected him to wonder if Naruto had been fighting in other life and death situations and if so, how that was possible. You can't obviously learn experience like what Naruto is showing (assumed) with only sparring against Jiraiya.


The ANBU were watching Naruto with something akin to awe and fear, the Sandaime noticed. Which wasn’t far from what he was feeling as well. The image he had held of Naruto had been firmly and thoroughly destroyed this night.

Don't they have masks? :p


“Very well,” replied the old Hokage wearily. I must focus on the present. “Take him to the Interrogation chambers. Ibuki should be ready to take him.”

Ibiki


“Oh, and secure Kabuto was much as possible. I want one of you to watch him at all times. No mistakes.”

as


“Li, Resha,” said the Sandaime. The two remaining ANBU straightened. “Inform the Council of Elders that there will be an emergency meeting convening in two hours. As we will be discussing issues of utmost importance to village security, I will not accept any reason for tardy whatsoever. Go.”

being tardy or tardiness


The Sandaime let out his breath in a long sigh. “I would like to hear it. In my office. I have no doubt it will be risky—but more importantly, brilliant.”

---

“Then tell me of your plan, Naruto,—“

I know you wanted to end with the promotion but they're still in the forest as far as I can understand ;)

liath
05-04-2008, 10:29 AM
Heh, the great Taliath doesn't fail.

Nice chapter, by the way. Does Sandaime trust Naruto now or is he still going to keep a eye on him?

P.s. cool av

Thanks for the comment! ^^ And I think the Sandaime, who is a shinobi, will always keep an eye on Naruto. After all, one doesn't get to his age by being lax.

awesome!!!!!!!

now that that's out of the way, cool ending. the only thing wrong, imo, is the child geniuses turning out evil. I mean, Kakashi (who became a Chuunin at age 6-7 which is way before Itachi, who became a Chuunin at 10) didn't turn out evil.

Ah. I didn't want it to read like all child prodigies turn into psychos, but rather that their (borrowing the words from Kardikek) mentally unbalanced. I'll try to fix it so it makes more sense.

You have a way of truly getting into the minds of the characters and using the momentum of suspense, never loose that please. :)

Given the description of the outcome I was a bit disappointed to realize that you didn't really describe any of Naruto's elemental ninjutsu except for the wind manipulation he used to boost his movement. A moment of, huh when did that happen?

Your explenation regarding the 3rds law on age requirements was a good way to tie in how you don't see the super young elite in Naruto's timeline. Though to be honest, I never could see how someone 30+ willingly and without question following the lead of some little 10 year old no matter how freakishly powerful that 10 year old was. Less because of whatever egos involved due to the militaristic nature of the village but more so because there's just no way someone that young would be able to grasp concepts necessary to lead others.
Think it's got more to do with young shinobis being mentally unbalanced, which Kakashi is rather than turning homocidal!traitor on Konoha Mage Ronin.

Regarding the experience issue, considering the 3rd's almost ridiculous level of insight and suspiciousness in previous chapters I expected him to wonder if Naruto had been fighting in other life and death situations and if so, how that was possible. You can't obviously learn experience like what Naruto is showing (assumed) with only sparring against Jiraiya.



Yeah, I'll try to clear that up. I'm working on fixing up previous chapters to prep for posting on FFN.

I especially agree with your comments on the mental stability of child ninjas. I'll try to make it more clear in the story.

Oh, and the Sandaime's suspicions will be a recurring theme throughout the story. But it won't get annoying, I hope.

Thanks for commenting! :D

Renzhoulawyers
05-04-2008, 02:05 PM
hey chime, can you post your ffnet profile? im curious to rifle through your favourites

Blazing Chime
05-04-2008, 02:29 PM
Huh... me or my senior?

Renzhoulawyers
05-04-2008, 02:56 PM
snr ^^ (too short >.>)

Wildfeather
05-06-2008, 10:25 PM
^lol!!!Fan Boiz to da rescue!

Wery well done, the fight was excellent and while I'm a bit wary of how/why Sandaime didn't try to get Naruto imprisoned/interrogated...Well i'd be more suspicious if I were him. Jiraiya is a trusted student and all..But still more of that Kyuubi (Who is a fox, thus good with illusions) could trick people into thinking he was human. Either way...We'll see in due time.

Ksai
05-07-2008, 12:05 PM
Great chapter. And are you planing on using the last chapters of Manga about Itachi in your fic?

LogrusMage
05-07-2008, 02:17 PM
Fucking. Awesome.

That is all.

Nytmare
05-07-2008, 02:55 PM
Excellent as always Liath,

Looking forward to the restructured version on FFN.

^lol!!!Fan Boiz to da rescue!

Wery well done, the fight was excellent and while I'm a bit wary of how/why Sandaime didn't try to get Naruto imprisoned/interrogated...Well i'd be more suspicious if I were him. Jiraiya is a trusted student and all..But still more of that Kyuubi (Who is a fox, thus good with illusions) could trick people into thinking he was human. Either way...We'll see in due time.

I'm not to sure which version of Kyuubi is being used here, But I am totaly adverse to stories which make the fox out to be some kind of hyper-intelligent shapeshifter/illusionist, or good at being anything other than a fox. All the extra personality and skill dimensions that people add to it are unnecessary, Its a giant demon fox, that can lay waste to mountains, what more do you want?


Does anybody have the url to the invisionfree board for Ademonsdesire?
I lost it when my laptop burned out.

liath
05-25-2008, 06:59 AM
I'd just like to let everyone know that I've posted my fic up at FFN.

It's been thoroughly beta'd, so I think you'll find any and all errors eradicated. If not, do tell me and I'll fix it up.

In any case, here it is:

============

New story from Taliath,

Category: Naruto
Title: Across Dimensions: Parting Reality's Veil
Genre: General/Adventure
Rating: Fiction
Rated: T
Summary: AU/AD. Namikaze Naruto has led a charmed life under the protection of the Fourth Hokage. But now, after sacrificing himself for his home, he finds himself waking up in an entirely new world, surrounded by a village that despises him.

URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4277029/1/

============

I added more to the title because there was already a Naruto fic titled "Across Dimensions" and I didn't want anyone to be confused. Lol.

More importantly, I'd really appreciate if you guys could leave a review on the chapter. ^^ I know I'm asking a lot, but I'd seriously appreciate it.

Well, that's all for now. I'm sorry I haven't been able to bring you any updates. Real life and all that jazz. *sigh*

In any case, please read and leave a comment. I'd greatly appreciate it.

Thanks in advance!

~taliath

Sree
05-25-2008, 09:25 AM
Lol, you bitch. I thought you had updated for a minute.

Ksai
05-29-2008, 12:05 PM
Any news on an update of this story?

We would love to read a new chapter from you.

Lord Ravenclaw
05-29-2008, 06:07 PM
Any news on an update of this story?

We would love to read a new chapter from you.

Read the post from a mere 3 days ago.

Well, that's all for now. I'm sorry I haven't been able to bring you any updates. Real life and all that jazz. *sigh*

In any case, please read and leave a comment. I'd greatly appreciate it.

I don't think the author asked for update requests, but rather comments on the story. Next time it'll be a tempban.

MrINBN
06-10-2008, 04:51 AM
You mistook Ibiki, the head of Torture and Interrogation for Ibuki, the toilet cleaner. >_>
“Very well,” replied the old Hokage wearily. I must focus on the present. “Take him to the Interrogation chambers. Ibuki should be ready to take him.” Kayumi and her partner, each supporting one side of Kabuto, bowed quickly and turned to leave—when the Sandaime continued. “Oh, and secure Kabuto was much as possible. I want one of you to watch him at all times. No mistakes.”

Chime
06-15-2008, 08:44 AM
Hmm. Your Naruto is interesting.

He's morally... liberal. So much so, he'd be willing to use Ino as leverage for her father (doesn't he know who she is? Did he never meet her in his other life? I'd think he'd atleast have some hesistance there). Yet, he still looks down upon the council elders as a bunch of 'old farts' – even though I think, using an innocent as leverage is just something the council would do.

It'll be interesting to see how or if Naruto will make friends with any people his age.

Good chapter.

Sree
06-15-2008, 11:23 AM
Chime, he might not know Ino. She's probably still in the Academy, or just a genin in his universe, while he's an Elite Jounin. There's no reason for him to know her.

Awesome chapter, Taliath.

Apothem
06-15-2008, 12:18 PM
Very awesome. And, he probably meant "Think of all the lives you're saving, even your daughter would be in danger without this information.", not "Do it, or we'll kill your family."

Mage Ronin
06-15-2008, 06:24 PM
damn, why did you end it there? i really wanted to see Team 7's reaction to Naruto being a jounin...should be fun.

Anyway, good chapter. and yeah, your Naruto is very intriguing. I think you captured his characterization perfectly if we use Itachi and Kakashi's personality at that age and factor in his father's influence.

keep up the good work!

Tofferson
06-17-2008, 11:40 AM
I agree with Apothem. That's how I see it as well.

Kardikek
07-21-2008, 10:37 PM
I know you're extremely busy but still, I'm being selfish and I hope you'll still have time to keep writing.. :(

Sree
11-13-2008, 02:59 AM
Title: Across Dimensions: Parting Reality's Veil
Author: Taliath
Rating: T
Summary: AU/AD. Namikaze Naruto has led a charmed life under the protection of the Fourth Hokage. But now, after sacrificing himself for his home, he finds himself waking up in an entirely new world, surrounded by a village that despises him.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4277029/1/

DLP Link: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=8575

A fic written by our very own androgynous member, liath (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/member.php?u=1090). Simply put, it's quite amazing. A strong Naruto from a different dimension... why am I even doing this? Obviously every Naruto fan on these forums has read the fic.

One last thing.

UPDATE LIATH. :awesome

liath
12-18-2008, 02:30 AM
Mm. Just thought I'd let everyone know that since my semester's nearly over, I've begun finishing up the next chapter.

For those who are overly curious, I've posted it in the Work by Author section of DLP. I'd appreciate any and all comments to help shore up potential holes.

^^ I'm not giving up on this fic.

Knox
12-18-2008, 02:54 AM
HA! I has used mah epic skillz to force you to update!

Knox
12-18-2008, 04:37 AM
Sree can bow to my skillz cause I made the Unthinkable happen, I made him update. :)

Kardikek
12-18-2008, 10:13 AM
Niice! You're lucky though, we have our exams in early January meaning another ruined christmas :p

Story:
Well done, really looked forward to the confrontation. Would have been nice putting the rest of his team in place but I guess that'll come in due time.

Did Kakashi seriously not know that Naruto was the son of the 4th in this universe? Or did he have some mental issues? Maybe next chapter we'll get to know this?

Only complaint was how easy it seemed for Kakashi to get in range with the Raikiri. He was in a pit made by a wind dragon, he seemingly jumped out and bumrushed Naruto up a tree before he could react. No Kawarimi, no jumping away, no shunshin, nothing. If they were in melee range I could see it but not like this.

Loved the update though, woot!

Apothem
12-18-2008, 11:12 AM
Title: Across Dimensions: Parting Reality's Veil
Author: Taliath
Rating: T
Summary: AU/AD. Namikaze Naruto has led a charmed life under the protection of the Fourth Hokage. But now, after sacrificing himself for his home, he finds himself waking up in an entirely new world, surrounded by a village that despises him.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4277029/1/

DLP Link: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=8575

A fic written by our very own androgynous member, liath (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/member.php?u=1090). Simply put, it's quite amazing. A strong Naruto from a different dimension... why am I even doing this? Obviously every Naruto fan on these forums has read the fic.

One last thing.

UPDATE LIATH. :awesome

I will blame this update on you.

You, sir, are a god.

Janus
12-18-2008, 11:32 AM
Mm. Just thought I'd let everyone know that since my semester's nearly over, I've begun finishing up the next chapter.

For those who are overly curious, I've posted it in the Work by Author section of DLP. I'd appreciate any and all comments to help shore up potential holes.

^^ I'm not giving up on this fic.

*Gasp!*

If I wasn't snowed in right now, I'd totally read the update. Must... get... connection...

Cxjenious
12-18-2008, 12:12 PM
You inspire me to do bigger and better things liath. Your fight scenes are good; rather fast paced, but that is what I imagine ninja battles to be like.

Gizmore
12-18-2008, 05:04 PM
how are you posting w/o a connection? :D

Janus
12-18-2008, 11:32 PM
It took about half an hour to get each post off and FFnet isn't updated. TFF wouldn't load at all.

Chime
12-19-2008, 12:08 AM
I thought this story was dead. Glad it's still got some life in it. I especially liked this chapter.

A different approach to the 'alternate dimension' - Naruto's not trying to vainly hide his identity from Sarutobi and Kakashi, and it's nice.

4/5 though, because I don't know where this is going - if it ever gets somewhere :P

fooze
12-21-2008, 10:49 AM
awesome awesome. its for stories like this that i read fics!

continue with this brilliance, and i cant wait for the next update.

Moloch
12-24-2008, 11:36 AM
I'm sorry; my level of fanboyism over your work has reached critical levels and has also left me unable to provide any useful statement.

I am left with a generic response to an update of the sexiest story in Naruto fanfic history;

Cant wait till the next update!

Kardikek
12-24-2008, 12:42 PM
sweat, blood, and tears
sweat, blood and tears


“I knew what was going to happen,” confirmed Naruto with a short nod. “I have to meet with ero-sennin to get the details, but I knew beforehand what was going to be bought up.”
Not sure but do you mean had to?


Naruto had to remind himself that this man was a master actor and very knowledgeable in human psychology. It was very clear in the way that the boy
It seems strange that Naruto would refer to himself as the boy.

Inoichi’s eyes flicked up to meet Naruto’s blue in anger. And the boy in turn didn’t allow his gaze to waver
Waiver

Inoichi's personality was done superbly. However the way you had Naruto recognize hope in the exchange, it was easy to connect that he wanted Naruto to succeed, and from that one could extrapolate the connection to the good old days and the 4th. By overexposure it sort of ruined the super spy feeling you wanted to portray.

Merry christmas mate!

Cxjenious
12-24-2008, 12:53 PM
I'd glomp you if I could.

However, since I can't:

I didn't find any errors, but then again, I wasn't looking for them. That just means that if there are any errors, they're small. I like Inoichi's characterization - he seems IC from the little we've seen of him in the manga, or rather, what I would imagine him to be like. Ino was spot on, but it is your Naruto that takes the cake. All the cake. And the brownies.

EDIT: To Kardikek

It isn't had because he hasn't had the meeting yet - that was why he went to the Hokage's office in the first place.

Bucks
12-24-2008, 01:44 PM
Hmmmm, nice chapter.


I think it would have been interesting if Inoichi was more Suspicious of Naruto being there with his daughter. Like thinking about making her go into Kabuto's mind in his stead.

Solfege
12-26-2008, 07:08 PM
Hmmmm, nice chapter.


I think it would have been interesting if Inoichi was more Suspicious of Naruto being there with his daughter. Like thinking about making her go into Kabuto's mind in his stead.

No grounds for such suspicion exist. Ino's an inexperienced genin without mental conditioning for such techniques, and though she knows the basic arts, no authority would approve it.

Great chapter, flows impeccably well. Agreed with Cxj - wasn't looking for errors, though caught a few typos. Characterization is well-done. This fic is at the top of my list.

Edit: Was Naruto's relation to the Yondaime announced at the council meeting?

chaosfire999
01-05-2009, 06:29 AM
I registered just to read this on here because it is busy being betad before being released on FFnet or something like that... I've been lurking for years though.

Great stuff, cant wait for the next chaper and, according to what you said about hoping to finish that next week, faster updates in the future :).

Keep up the good work!

Solfege
01-09-2009, 12:47 AM
It's odd that no one's commented yet on this update.

I didn't find any grammatical mistakes. Spotless by my count. I'll reread this later some more and edit my posts in accordance with my plot concerns, but it looks a fine ending to another chapter so far.

Spotless characterization. It's good to see Naruto having trouble reconciling his world with this one and Jiraiya grounding him into this reality; a successful display of vulnerability. Here's a nitpick: doesn't "sharp pain" imply a fleeting sensation? Is it accurate to say a sharp pain can coil in one's stomach?

Snarf
01-09-2009, 09:45 PM
Wow. That's really all I can muster right now. I jumped on here to see if there was any decent new fanfiction and was totally unprepared for this. I read all the way through. Across Dimensions has to be the funnest, most action packed, and most original Naruto story I have ever had the chance to read. I giggled insanely in glee many times throughout this story, and you have no idea just how difficult it is to make me do that.

Your style of writing is thrilling and your ideas are just so different from the generic, run-of-the-mill Naruto stories you find spread across FFN that I'm still smiling stupidly even while writing this post.

You need to get on IRC, mate, so I can praise your awesomeness.

blablablub
01-10-2009, 02:19 AM
One of the few fic's that get better with the time, rather then opposite.
Hope we will have more updates in the near future.

I even started to read the Manga to understand everything rather then have my sister explain things for me.
Thank god she is a Naruto nerd and have most of them.

uriel
01-10-2009, 02:53 AM
With the last scene...does this mean the Sandaime now knows that Naruto is from a different dimension?

edit: Ah re-read the last part.

Sarutobi was watching Naruto perform Rasengan, and not spying on Jiraiya + Naruto's little heart to heart. Got a bit confused for a sec.

Cxjenious
01-11-2009, 11:29 PM
No one commented because everyone already knows the story is orgasm-inducing.

Sree
01-11-2009, 11:31 PM
I'm already feeling withdrawal symptoms.

Redd Lenses
01-12-2009, 01:03 AM
I saw it was updated on FF.net, then noticed it was the chapter that has been here for two weeks :mad:

se7en
01-12-2009, 04:18 AM
Another update would make my day. :)

Apothem
01-12-2009, 07:27 AM
Mine as well. So, I've got an idea! Everyone, let's be verrrry quiet on this thread until we receive an update, and post comments in the Other Fandoms thread instead!

liath
01-12-2009, 08:36 AM
The beta'd version of "ANBU Arc 02: Hatake Kakashi" has been posted on FFN.

Howdy
01-13-2009, 12:11 AM
This may be the most well-written Naruto story I have ever read.

Having said that, I'm not sure where this is going.

Bringing a super!Naruto into the picture just to thwart the Sand/Sound invasion - an invasion that failed, by the way, with just regular old Naruto and a very hands-off showing by Jiraiya in the manga - doesn't strike me as an amazing plot.

Orochimaru's and the Kazekage's skills and abilities are blown way out of proportion in my opinion.

Remember that the Kazekage is the guy who tried and failed to have his young son assassinated for years. Everything about the dude is fail.

Again, while the whole revealing his identity thing is somewhat original, it takes all of the intrigue and difficulty for the protagonist out of the plot.

I imagine that eventually you could introduce the more powerful characters into the story, but by then the whole dimension-hopping aspect wouldn't really matter since we're talking a few years down the road according to the canon timeline - plenty of time for even a canon!Naruto to improve to epic levels.

Unless you're going to have Pain and Madara attack over the weekend, I don't see where the conflict in this story lies. All the dimension travel amounts to is another device to super-power Naruto.

I suppose this story could be said to be more about Naruto's interactions with others with a bit of fighting thrown in, but even there I don't see the real plot.

Naruto went from shit to instant win in a day. He's a jounin and a high-ranking member of ANBU now. Why should he have to prove anything to anyone? I mean he doesn't even want to be the Hokage, so where's the struggle?

I'm not sure where this story is going, but it seems to me that it's just going to be another super!Naruto doing super things.

se7en
01-13-2009, 12:19 AM
I think that the author is going to have a different approach. Maybe we will get to see what goes on behind the scenes into the lives of people who work in the background. There are probably many controversies that are taken care of through divisions like the newly revived War division. A look inside those kinds of things may be what opens up the story to new plots and goes away from canon a bit.

Sree
01-16-2009, 05:59 PM
Alright, I merged all the non-story related posts into this story thread so liath's thread is nice and uncluttered. Let's keep all discussion of the story here, mmk?

Cxjenious
01-16-2009, 07:30 PM
Good move. Now when there's a post in the other thread, I'll know there's an update, instead of more fangirlism.

Apothem
01-16-2009, 11:43 PM
Mhm. Gracias.

Howdy
01-17-2009, 12:31 PM
Well, I read the latest installment and found it entertaining.

This story could very well be the best written Naruto fanfiction out there.

Having said that, I still don't have any idea where all of the hype is coming from.

The plot isn't particularly original nor are the overarching actions of many of the characters very logical.

Am I missing something?

Sree
01-17-2009, 01:09 PM
And Naruto joining the Akatsuki and becoming extremely smart and extremely strong is an original idea? And of course, your characters are extremely logical. Like a ninja getting into Konoha just by saying, "Oh, I'm a civilian! Do you like my boobies?"

/me snorts

Right then.

Random Shinobi
01-17-2009, 01:18 PM
I still don't have any idea where all of the hype is coming from.

The plot isn't particularly original nor are the overarching actions of many of the characters very logical.

Am I missing something?
The fic is excellent because he used the name I suggested.

...

Well, actually I love this fic simply because it's very well written and features likeable Naruto. Good Naruto fics are so rare nowadays that every well written story will receive lots of adulation.

Howdy
01-17-2009, 01:29 PM
And Naruto joining the Akatsuki and becoming extremely smart and extremely strong is an original idea? And of course, your characters are extremely logical. Like a ninja getting into Konoha just by saying, "Oh, I'm a civilian! Do you like my boobies?"

/me snorts

Right then.

I'm not making any comparisons here.

This thing is supposed to be the best Naruto fic since... ever?

I just don't see it.

Cxjenious
01-17-2009, 10:36 PM
Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Howdy prefers logicalness (I know, it ain't a word), and others don't give a shit about logic, they just like action and characterization. I personally don't give a shit about logic... and I don't think that deep into the story. I don't particularly care why someone does what they do, only that they do it and it's written well.

Apothem
01-19-2009, 06:04 PM
I think that this story easily ranks among my favorites because the writing is exceptional, and the characters are well developed. Far too often, I think that people expect logical reasons for every move that every character makes, but this can't always happen. Not every person is driven as much by logic as by emotion. The action scenes in this are excellent, and the chapters are always an extremely fun read.

That said, I enjoy stories of all kinds. The only issue I have with people trying to apply a lot of logic to their stories is that emotion is lost, and if a story evokes no emotions, then it is simply boring to me. Everyone is, of course, entitled to their own opinions.

Solfege
01-19-2009, 06:26 PM
The plot isn't particularly original nor are the overarching actions of many of the characters very logical.



Logic is dependent on the context in which we dress these characters explicitly and implicitly. So what seems logical to one person may not seem logical to another.

It's like what's stated in one of the I, Robot stories: "Any belief is justifiable according to the postulates that you choose." Or the way I put it: "Anything is possible given the proper causes."

The plot concept may not be very original, but it's written in a refreshing style. But I think we all agree that this story is very well-written.

Both story and characterization flow well enough that the story seems logical to me. My pov: any logical inconsistencies (esp. against canon) are minute, and for most of us, the style sweeps us off into our imaginations that suspension of belief comes more easily.

Whether or not this is the best Naruto fic "since ever"... I reserve judgment. If people want to hype, let them hype. Besides, words that are so commonly thrown around (best, good, basically, essentially, actually) are symptomatic of the vaguery that the English language has "degenerated" to, by Orwellian standards. They don't merit my consideration, except when I'm considering their merit of my consideration ;)

Garrus
01-19-2009, 09:33 PM
I actually think LT2000 ongoing Naruto fic is if not the best, at least tied with Georsama's Shinobi Wars story for the best fic in Naruto fandom. Don't get me wrong, I like Taliath's story a lot and it's one of the top stories I'm waiting to see finished, but I don't think it's as good as the aforementioned.

Oh and Howdy, while I like Houses of the Holy, I think your rinnegan!Naruto story could be more entertaining.

cmuylistoooo
07-04-2009, 01:36 AM
Good snippet. Are the ANBU captains going to OC? Can I make a pitch for Yuugao?


Just yesterday I reread this story. Its a good thing you updated today.

Howdy
07-04-2009, 05:06 AM
“All right, then.” Naruto glanced around. “After our meeting tomorrow, I’ll get in touch with Shikaku. In the mean time, I think it’s getting late. And I don’t know about you old men, but I’m a growing boy who needs his sleep.” He grinned cheekily.

You could also throw in there that, according to the recent manga chapters, he seems to hold a position akin to Head Jounin in Konoha.

Lokesin
07-05-2009, 09:29 AM
Holy jesus, update?!


I had thought this one was abandoned. Good to see it up and running again, I hope it stays this way.

Mage Ronin
07-06-2009, 02:22 PM
awesome! Thanks liath!

Howdy
07-06-2009, 03:42 PM
“All right, then.” Naruto glanced around. “After our meeting tomorrow, I’ll get in touch with Shikaku. In the mean time, I think it’s getting late. And I don’t know about you old men, but I’m a growing boy who needs his sleep.” He grinned cheekily.

You could also throw in there that, according to the recent manga chapters, he seems to hold a position akin to Head Jounin in Konoha.


Why was this moved out of the WBA thread, exactly?

Cxjenious
07-06-2009, 08:46 PM
For the same reason all the other posts were moved... you make your comments here. This is the discussion thread. That is the fic thread.

Moloch
07-07-2009, 12:24 AM
Why was this moved out of the WBA thread, exactly?


-- Please put all discussion of this story here: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=11590


That answer your question?

liath
07-07-2009, 03:37 AM
You could also throw in there that, according to the recent manga chapters, he seems to hold a position akin to Head Jounin in Konoha.


Ah, thanks for the heads up. I'd actually forgotten about the role of the Head Jounin. Although in this case, I suppose Head Jounin would be more Jiraiya's role as the actual division commander. I'll be sure to mix that term in though. Using canonical terms are always a plus in my book. ^^

Howdy
07-07-2009, 01:21 PM
For the same reason all the other posts were moved... you make your comments here. This is the discussion thread. That is the fic thread.

So things like spelling corrections don't go in the WBA thread any longer?

What does go there, then?

LT2000
07-07-2009, 01:46 PM
Typically, WBA threads are supposed to be for story updates only. Everything else goes in the discussion thread.

Sree
07-07-2009, 02:11 PM
For stories like Shezza's and liath's, which have a large fanbase on DLP, we decided to make two separate threads to make it easier on the continuity of the story in WbA. There's no break with 20 different people commenting before the next scene in the story. It will also stop necro posting and people getting a glimmer of hope that the story was updated... and will stop the subsequent bitching.

Howdy
07-07-2009, 03:32 PM
For stories like Shezza's and liath's, which have a large fanbase on DLP, we decided to make two separate threads to make it easier on the continuity of the story in WbA. There's no break with 20 different people commenting before the next scene in the story. It will also stop necro posting and people getting a glimmer of hope that the story was updated... and will stop the subsequent bitching.

Alright.

I assumed that any technical issues or story improvement suggestions would still be posted in the WBA thread, to be differentiated from the simple story discussion that goes on in the library threads.

I get it now.



On the new section:

I liked most of it, but Shikaku's line about Naruto having no right to be Vice-Commander because he couldn't win at a board game was a major turn-off.

Using shougi or go or chess as an indication of smarts and ninja skill is one of those little cliches that I absolutely hate in Naruto fanfiction. Shikamaru is not an amazing ninja because he's good at shougi. He's just not.

So I liked the scene, I liked Shikaku's "test" to see if Naruto was ready for his position, but I hated the line Shikaku used along the lines of "if you can't beat me at this, then..."

I'm not sure how you'd change it, but it just seems like a flawed argument to me. Army generals aren't chess grandmasters, and chess grandmasters aren't army generals.

Mrriddler
07-08-2009, 05:22 PM
I'm very interested in future plans you have for Shikaku. I'm not sure I have been convinced by most portrayals of the Nara clan so it'll be nice to see what you'll do with him. :P

And I personally enjoyed the game and probably would've enjoyed it more if you tossed in some actual tactics, i.e. maybe Naruto was careless in his attack and neglected his defense thinking his Yagura castle position could not be easily breached. Naturally some people won't like these scenes but...

"Army generals aren't chess grandmasters, and chess grandmasters aren't army generals."

Oh, come on! I'm fairly sure Taliath didn't intend the game to be a complete and accurate literal representation of Naruto's generalship capacity. I know that, most of his readers know that and I know you know that as well, Howdy.

All it was was a literary device. Of course, no reasonable person would directly transpose performance in one to the other. But chess and its adjuncts in various forms (shougi, chinese chess etc) were played amongst military officials and statesmen of antiquity NOT because they were accurate gauge of their abilities, but because they helped train and sharpen certain skills and features that were useful in war thinking and war making. And it's common to see in literature or biography or what have you such a game being used to clearly and graphically highlight certain features that would be too abstract to cover otherwise.

That is what I'm seeing, a literary illustration appropriately written of what is an abstract concept, Naruto's youth, his inexperience and presumably his shortcomings whatever they may be and in turn Shikaku's strength in those areas.

By all means, Taliath, keep the shougi scene understanding that I'm just as biased as Howdy, but in the other direction.

Howdy
07-08-2009, 05:57 PM
I'm very interested in future plans you have for Shikaku. I'm not sure I have been convinced by most portrayals of the Nara clan so it'll be nice to see what you'll do with him. :P

And I personally enjoyed the game and probably would've enjoyed it more if you tossed in some actual tactics, i.e. maybe Naruto was careless in his attack and neglected his defense thinking his Yagura castle position could not be easily breached. Naturally some people won't like these scenes but...



Oh, come on! I'm fairly sure Taliath didn't intend the game to be a complete and accurate literal representation of Naruto's generalship capacity. I know that, most of his readers know that and I know you know that as well, Howdy.

All it was was a literary device. Of course, no reasonable person would directly transpose performance in one to the other. But chess and its adjuncts in various forms (shougi, chinese chess etc) were played amongst military officials and statesmen of antiquity NOT because they were accurate gauge of their abilities, but because they helped train and sharpen certain skills and features that were useful in war thinking and war making. And it's common to see in literature or biography or what have you such a game being used to clearly and graphically highlight certain features that would be too abstract to cover otherwise.

That is what I'm seeing, a literary illustration appropriately written of what is an abstract concept, Naruto's youth, his inexperience and presumably his shortcomings whatever they may be and in turn Shikaku's strength in those areas.

By all means, Taliath, keep the shougi scene understanding that I'm just as biased as Howdy, but in the other direction.

The scene was fine, and I think I said that as well. What turned me off was the argument that Shikaku made. I wouldn't think that Naruto would be this full of self-doubt given what he's been through either. It's not like this is the first time he's been given a command position.

Maybe I'm just too jaded.

Hehe... maybe.

Riiiiight.

Aekiel
07-08-2009, 07:28 PM
What I took from that scene wasn't that Naruto was undeserving of the position because of his lack of skill in playing shougi, but that Shikaku laid down a test to see if Naruto was wise enough to acknowledge his own shortcomings and seek out help because of them. Shikaku had the game won from the start, he just used it to see if Naruto had the qualities he needed to be a good commander.

Howdy
07-08-2009, 07:47 PM
What I took from that scene wasn't that Naruto was undeserving of the position because of his lack of skill in playing shougi, but that Shikaku laid down a test to see if Naruto was wise enough to acknowledge his own shortcomings and seek out help because of them. Shikaku had the game won from the start, he just used it to see if Naruto had the qualities he needed to be a good commander.

I guess what my real issue is is that the author oversimplified what shouldn't have been simple.

Naruto is not a normal thirteen-year-old in this fic, and frankly shouldn't be phased by these sorts of "tests." He's been through this shit already, and despite the ninjas of this world not knowing what a rock star he is, he at least shouldn't be having doubts about his abilities.

I sort of feel like we're backpedaling when it comes to Naruto's development. You wouldn't expect Itachi to have self-doubts like this, I don't think, and despite Naruto having a very different personality than Itachi he took the same career path and gained the same prestige, if not more.

Well, that's all I've got. Hope it made some sense.

Sree
07-08-2009, 09:04 PM
As much as I hate to admit it, I agree with Howdy somewhat. Naruto should not have been surprised by what Shikaku did, nor should he have been thrown off balance.

Howdy
07-08-2009, 10:46 PM
As much as I hate to admit it, I agree with Howdy somewhat.

Is it necessary for every one of you bastards to preface your statements with this every time you agree with what I say?

You're starting to hurt my feelings.

Thorn
07-08-2009, 10:56 PM
Is it necessary for every one of you bastards to preface your statements with this every time you agree with what I say?

You're starting to hurt my feelings.

I hate to agree with Howdy...but maybe we should back off of Howdy.

But really, I agree. Naruto is a BAMF and shouldn't be thrown off center by this. He wasn't by Inoichi, so he shouldn't by Shikaku.

Chime
07-11-2009, 12:36 AM
Is it necessary for every one of you bastards to preface your statements with this every time you agree with what I say?

You're starting to hurt my feelings.

As much as I hate to agree with Howdy, he has a point. We should stop doing this.


Naruto isn't invincible guys. I think he's allowed the right to second guess himself. He's still human, I think.

Personally, I would have preferred if Naruto were unable to recruit Shikaku, simply because the Nara are a little too omniscient in fanfiction... but it's doable, as long as you characterize Shikaku well.

Finally, I'm surprised this was updated and have hope I may see the end of this story yet.

The structure of the latest update is superb, by the way, a great transition from beginning to end, there is nothing clumsy or jarring about it, and the message Shikaku gives us is one that could become a strong recurring theme.

Howdy
09-14-2009, 02:25 PM
Interesting.

I do have a few concerns, however. It looks like you're moving towards a Konoha vs. Orochimaru + Kazekage fight round 2, but if Minato couldn't kill Orochimaru (that aspect of your story hasn't aged well, sadly) then I doubt anyone could in this reality.

Second thing - I like that Danzou was amenable to helping Naruto, but I also believe that canon Danzou isn't entirely self-sacrificing for the sake of Konoha. Just look at what he did during Nagato's invasion. He doesn't have the same selfless character that Sarutobi and Minato did. He's ambitious.

However, I dislike the implications you made at the end of the chapter - namely that Naruto could be controlled by Danzou. It's fairly clear that Danzou never exerted significant influence over Sarutobi in the past, and his attempts to do so at the Kage Summit failed miserably. I disagree that he could control or even strongly influence Naruto. His eye is capable of very small and subtle manipulations, nothing more.

Making Danzou some sort of mind control master is not a good idea. Madara, maybe. Danzou? No.

Mage Ronin
09-15-2009, 01:56 AM
However, I dislike the implications you made at the end of the chapter - namely that Naruto could be controlled by Danzou. It's fairly clear that Danzou never exerted significant influence over Sarutobi in the past, and his attempts to do so at the Kage Summit failed miserably. I disagree that he could control or even strongly influence Naruto. His eye is capable of very small and subtle manipulations, nothing more.

Making Danzou some sort of mind control master is not a good idea. Madara, maybe. Danzou? No.

Maybe this is all an assumption by Danzou...

Howdy
09-15-2009, 02:47 AM
Maybe this is all an assumption by Danzou...

For that to be an assumption would destroy Danzou's character. He's supposed to be a clever guy.

Moloch
09-15-2009, 03:00 AM
/facepalm

Howdy. Twice you've posted on the Author's Work only thread and on the same thread too; after some mod or admin spent all that time explaining to you why it isn't a good thing.

You might be one of my favorite authors but man, sometimes you are dumb.

EDIT: If you feel like commenting; http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=11590&page=10

Moloch
09-15-2009, 03:17 AM
A bit disappointed with the new chapter; but given that you're doing this in your spare time; can't complain. Its nice that someone's finally portraying the 4th as someone other then a Gary-stu and gives him a bit more character, but more importantly the intro for Danzo was awesome. Most people nowadays kill off Danzo in the most painful way possible; but one can see the potential in his character. Anko... I've never been fond of her character; she seems so shallow, but I wish you the ebst of luck when using her as a presumably main. All in all, wonderful to see this fic isn't gonna gather dust in a corner. So watching this fic from now on. :>

liath
09-15-2009, 04:02 AM
A bit disappointed with the new chapter; but given that you're doing this in your spare time; can't complain. Its nice that someone's finally portraying the 4th as someone other then a Gary-stu and gives him a bit more character, but more importantly the intro for Danzo was awesome. Most people nowadays kill off Danzo in the most painful way possible; but one can see the potential in his character. Anko... I've never been fond of her character; she seems so shallow, but I wish you the ebst of luck when using her as a presumably main. All in all, wonderful to see this fic isn't gonna gather dust in a corner. So watching this fic from now on. :>

Anything particular that you found disappointing?

Moloch
09-15-2009, 04:33 AM
2 tiny things which really aren't that important in retrospect. The length of the chapter; but given that this is an epic length, a few shorter chapters here and there are inevitable. Second was merely this recruiting drive; I know you gotta do it to get the setup together since you're using few if any of the original cast of Naruto's year, but its starting to drag on imo.

Then again; I'm no writer, and it could be just cause I'm impatient.

liath
09-15-2009, 04:40 AM
2 tiny things which really aren't that important in retrospect. The length of the chapter; but given that this is an epic length, a few shorter chapters here and there are inevitable. Second was merely this recruiting drive; I know you gotta do it to get the setup together since you're using few if any of the original cast of Naruto's year, but its starting to drag on imo.

Then again; I'm no writer, and it could be just cause I'm impatient.

Ah, I see. Well the chapter length-wise this one's actually one of the longer ones, lol. But I do understand what you mean about the recruitment thing.

In the overall scheme of things, the recruiting is only two chapters long. But I know that the long intervals between updates and the fact that I'm posting in snippets makes things seem a lot more dragged out.

Let me assure you, though, that this is the end of it. The War Division is fully functioning and as such we're back to Naruto in the action. The next chapter will feature Naruto on an A-rank mission to the Fire Capital with one of the rookie teams as an escort (C-rank). Of course, nothing ever stays so innocent with Naruto involved. ^^

And then right after that we launch into the major action with war starting right off the bat.

So. We're finally, finally done with the setup (Thank god!). We can now move the plot forward at a much, much faster rate.

Moloch
09-15-2009, 04:49 AM
Awesome. Can't wait. :)

Mage Ronin
09-15-2009, 11:06 AM
For that to be an assumption would destroy Danzou's character. He's supposed to be a clever guy.

Just because he's ovely cautious doesn't mean that he's above making assumptions and being slightly arrogant. If this Danzou is similar to cano!Danzou then it can be logically deducted that Danzou could control Naruto. If he can is a whole different matter.

Basically Danzou's just being confident about his abilities. I don't see what's wrong with that.

Aekiel
09-15-2009, 11:49 AM
Danzou has the Sharingan. Sharingan can control Kyuubi. Therefore, Danzou can control the Kyuubi. Simple.

Howdy
09-15-2009, 01:40 PM
Just because he's ovely cautious doesn't mean that he's above making assumptions and being slightly arrogant. If this Danzou is similar to cano!Danzou then it can be logically deducted that Danzou could control Naruto. If he can is a whole different matter.

Basically Danzou's just being confident about his abilities. I don't see what's wrong with that.

What?

Canon Danzou is doing almost literally everything in his power to avoid stepping on Naruto's toes and overall avoiding him. That's not how someone who has even a glimmer of hope of "controlling" someone would act.

Danzou has the Sharingan. Sharingan can control Kyuubi. Therefore, Danzou can control the Kyuubi. Simple.

Right...

That's why the Kyuubi was defeated by Uchiha clan member #233 and not the Fourth Hokage.

Also, Naruto is not the Kyuubi.

/facepalm

Howdy. Twice you've posted on the Author's Work only thread and on the same thread too; after some mod or admin spent all that time explaining to you why it isn't a good thing.

You might be one of my favorite authors but man, sometimes you are dumb.

EDIT: If you feel like commenting; http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=11590&page=10 (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=11590&page=10%5B/QUOTE)

Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived in For Review:
http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=319646#post319646

Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived in Work By Author:
http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=319648#post319648

It would be a little easier for me to remember if this was a consistent rule for any story on this entire site that isn't this one.

Thanks for calling me stupid, regardless.

ZeroTheDestroyer
09-15-2009, 03:47 PM
Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived in For Review:
http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=319646#post319646

Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived in Work By Author:
http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=319648#post319648

It would be a little easier for me to remember if this was a consistent rule for any story on this entire site that isn't this one.

Thanks for calling me stupid, regardless.

Haha, I r cracking up. DLP doesn't follow any consistant rule, it's more of a guideline, the older members can get away with doing more, but even they have their limits before someone calls "bullshit".

Just as long as you aren't this guy :banana: you'll eventually be forgiven.

Aekiel
09-15-2009, 07:04 PM
Right...

That's why the Kyuubi was defeated by Uchiha clan member #233 and not the Fourth Hokage.

Also, Naruto is not the Kyuubi.

Sasuke did it, without the Mangekyou Sharingan.

Then again, that's more likely than not a weakness inherent only in Jinchuuriki, since they're more open to hypnotism than the beasts themselves (or so I assume). We haven't seen Kyuubi!Naruto go up against a fully fledged Mangekyou Sharingan yet so we don't know if it would affect him or not, or to any degree in between.

Put simply, the Mangekyou Sharingan is needed to control the Kyuubi in its released state, the normal Sharingan is enough to subdue it in a Jinchuuriki. Also, it's somewhat likely that after Naruto achieves 4-tail state and gives himself over to the Kyuubi for that little while, the Mangekyou Sharingan would be needed to do anything (though that opens up a whole new can of worms when he faces off against Madara/Sasuke).

Chime
09-15-2009, 11:08 PM
Sasuke did it, without the Mangekyou Sharingan.
Sasuke did it, without the.
Sasuke did.
Sasuke

There's your answer.

Moloch
09-16-2009, 06:10 AM
Thanks for calling me stupid, regardless.

No problem; I'll make a habit out of it if you want.


And that Kyuubi vs Sharingan shit is just another inconsistency; I'm sure we're all used to that. And as much as I hate to add to the Sasuke hate, Chime is right. The only reason Sasuke > Kyuubi, is because he is Sasuke. My personal hope is that Kishi's just doing that so he can nerf Sasuke later so that their final confrontation is back to a 'proper' ninja fight; not who has the bigger chakra monster.

EDIT: I can't spellllllllllllllllllllll!

Aekiel
09-16-2009, 08:00 AM
There's your answer.

Yep, but if we're going to argue canon we have to use it, no matter how flawed it may be.

Howdy
09-16-2009, 01:02 PM
You all seem to completely ignore the fact that Naruto himself was suppressing the Kyuubi at that point. Frankly, we have no way to know just how effective Sasuke would have been against, say, KN8.

Aekiel
09-16-2009, 01:54 PM
I did point out that it was more than likely Naruto who was affected by a hypnotism jutsu than the Kyuubi, and that the Mangekyou Sharingan would likely be needed to control him once he'd went past the 4-tailed state. We're just going to have to wait to see if the Mangekyou can control a sealed Kyuubi, but my bets are on it being able to. We've seen Naruto battling against people with the Kyuubi but if Kishimoto is going to keep to his hard work + determination = wins the day moral then he'd have had to introduce something to take away Naruto's innate advantage, just to prove the point, and what better way than giving his 'fated enemy' the ability to counter/control it?

Howdy
09-16-2009, 03:47 PM
I did point out that it was more than likely Naruto who was affected by a hypnotism jutsu than the Kyuubi, and that the Mangekyou Sharingan would likely be needed to control him once he'd went past the 4-tailed state. We're just going to have to wait to see if the Mangekyou can control a sealed Kyuubi, but my bets are on it being able to. We've seen Naruto battling against people with the Kyuubi but if Kishimoto is going to keep to his hard work + determination = wins the day moral then he'd have had to introduce something to take away Naruto's innate advantage, just to prove the point, and what better way than giving his 'fated enemy' the ability to counter/control it?

You must have missed the part where Minato tells Naruto explicitly that he's to use the Kyuubi's power to defeat Madara.

Mulligan?

Ceebee
09-16-2009, 10:07 PM
Forgive me, but what exactly did Sasuke DO to Naruto when he went into his mindscape or whatever and saw the Kyuubi. Did to snap Naruto out of a tailed mode? Didn't all he do is swipe at a manifestation of the Kyuubi to make it dissipate?

Didn't Madara just have a good eye to eye with Naruto? Someone who we know has controlled the Kyuubi in the past, and he did what exactly? If it was as easy as giving Naruto an eyeful of Sharingan to control the Kyuubi, Madara would have done whatever he needed to do.

The MOST I think Sasuke could do, if he can do anything, would be to tell the Kyuubi to stop giving Naruto chakra when he's in a tailed mode. Which is pretty much a moot point since Naruto tends to resist using it's chakra now in favour for using Sage mode.

Even if a Uchiha has full control of the Kyuubi, does that mean they can tell it what to do when he's in a tailed mode? Maybe, maybe not. I personally doubt it.


On topic: Decent chapter, though my irrational hate of Anko does sort of nullify it a bit.

Mage Ronin
09-17-2009, 01:53 AM
Nuff said. (http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showpost.php?p=311960&postcount=2579)

Moloch
10-06-2009, 12:45 PM
As if noone reviews on the new chapter. You people have no shame. :(

Anyway; I for one, am happy that the plots finally moved on from the tedious but necessary preparations in the past chapters. Again not much happened, but since Naruto's out of Konoha next chapter it finally allows for some interesting things to happen; such as character interactions between Naruto's own generation rather then him needing to constantly prove himself to his elders.Even so, chances are that scenes of badassery like Naruto vs Kabuto fight won't happen next chapter; but we're getting closer.

In the end; solid writing as usual, but chapters a bit short; and the lack of any real significant events happening in the past few chapters makes it feel like filler (no matter that those interactions were necessary).

Dareycow
10-09-2009, 09:17 AM
Nice chapter, I think the thing I like most was you stating before the chapter even begun that you will kill the OC.

Manatheron
10-23-2009, 01:35 AM
Anyway; I for one, am happy that the plots finally moved on from the tedious but necessary preparations in the past chapters.

Am I alone then in enjoying the buildup? Anticipation is usually better than then main event for me, and trying to guess where the plot will go is probably the funnest part of all.

For the record, Danzo has a plan, whether or not it works is anyone's guess (probably including liath ^.^) and we don't know for certain that he'll ever have a need to attempt it. So he has a Sharingan eye too, whoop de do. It's still just a tool to a good shinobe, and I'd guess that he's not really using it much as its his 'trump' so to speak.

My thoughts on the direction the plot is going:I am slighting suspicious at Saratobi's non-reaction to Naruto's slip up on who told him about the fire court.

I somewhat Suspect that the two Naruto's switched places all together and neither went to the death god (Since Kyuubi is still Kyuubi after all.)

I'm reasonably certain that Jirayia and Saratobi are both trying to force naruto into the hokage position

I'm fairly sure Jirayia was forced to tell Saratobi enough about Naruto's origins for him to be suspicious of their story

I suspect Saratobi has figured out that this isn't the naruto he's known for so long but Isn't sure how the change came about nor why

I have a vague feeling that Orochimaru and the 'shiki fuuin' will play a large part in how this story ends.

Sree
10-23-2009, 02:06 AM
*shinobi

*Sarutobi

*Jiraiya

... jesus man. 2 pretty important secondary characters and you can't spell their names correctly?

Moloch
10-23-2009, 08:17 AM
...Penis.







































Sorry. It seemed appropriate at the time.

whateveritis12
10-23-2009, 08:53 PM
I'm with you on the Sarutobi not being completely idiotic in that he really doesn't believe that Jiraiya would work with Naruto like they've been saying he's doing. He knows his students better than that.

Sarutobi is definitely pushing Naruto to become Hokage after he's ready to go (which he probably is right now, but he knows Naruto doesn't have enough experience). This might come into the plans that Danzou has since Naruto is only 13 and might seem like he'd be easily controlled (Puppet Hokage).

Though the biggest part of this story would be what Naruto plans to do with his influence and the very real possibility of becoming Hokage when he's eventually either going to die or force himself to go back to his home dimension. At this point the best thing that might happen is for him to be unable to go back but that the Naruto that he took over as his replacement in his home dimension.

Manatheron
10-24-2009, 05:15 AM
*shinobi

*Sarutobi

*Jiraiya

... jesus man. 2 pretty important secondary characters and you can't spell their names correctly?



"-.-

Cut me a little slack, I started writing using the fansub spellings, still do use most of them, and let me tell you I was PISSED when I found out the fourth was 'Minato' instead of 'Arashi".

but that's beside the point... the point is that I update my spellings when I can, but I tend to revert when I'm not paying attention.

Edit: And I contest your correction of 'Shinobe'

Aekiel
10-24-2009, 06:20 AM
"-.-

Cut me a little slack, I started writing using the fansub spellings, still do use most of them, and let me tell you I was PISSED when I found out the fourth was 'Minato' instead of 'Arashi".

but that's beside the point... the point is that I update my spellings when I can, but I tend to revert when I'm not paying attention.

Edit: And I contest your correction of 'Shinobe'

Shinobi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinobi), aka ninja.

The Wizard
05-14-2010, 08:42 AM
Holy shit. He's alive. o_o

Aekiel
05-14-2010, 11:22 AM
Every single time I see this updated I have to remind myself that taliath is male. Also, awesome update.

Torak
05-14-2010, 12:20 PM
Holy shit this was updated.

Sree
05-14-2010, 01:04 PM
I am so confused right now.

Ins
05-14-2010, 05:41 PM
wow, an update, and a good one. Is there another chapter on the way?

Sree
05-14-2010, 09:43 PM
... are we all talking about the same update? The update that had nothing to do with the actual story with Naruto talking to Itachi? Or is there something else that I'm missing?

Solfege
05-15-2010, 12:28 AM
It's a potential future snippet, Taliath said so in the A.N.

Good to see you alive, Taliath. I've been keeping tabs on TFF and here, and TFF was what alerted me to your renewed presence.

Reading it over a second time here brought a detail to my attention. Naruto tells Itachi that Itachi's no match for either Sakura or Sasuke (presumably) alone, though he doubts his own ability to defeat Itachi. Are we meant to take this - and this would have interesting implications - as Sakura and Sasuke each eventually overtaking Naruto in terms of strength?

(I'll repost this question on TFF since you'd probably more directly see it there.)

digitalstorm
05-15-2010, 01:45 AM
Naruto tells Itachi that Itachi's no match for either Sakura or Sasuke (presumably) alone, though he doubts his own ability to defeat Itachi.

Where did you get the impression that Naruto was talking about Sakura and Sasuke?

Solfege
05-15-2010, 02:32 AM
Well, Naruto made no mention of Tsunade or Jiraiya's presence, so since he singled out Sakura and Sasuke in the streets before mentioning "both Sannin" were close by, I took that to mean that Sakura and Sasuke had taken on two of the roles of Sannin. Although in retrospect that doesn't make much sense since that would imply if Tsunade trained Sakura, Jiraiya would've trained Sasuke, which he has no reason to do. Actually, given Jiraiya's relation with Naruto in this story, that's quite unlikely; plus, given what we know of increases in strength from previous chapters, Taliath wouldn't make Sakura or Sasuke into S-rank nin over a mere few years.

I forgot what this story was for a moment.

Still, I think that's one part of the snippet that should be revised for potential confusion.

Ragon
05-15-2010, 09:00 AM
Well, Naruto made no mention of Tsunade or Jiraiya's presence, so since he singled out Sakura and Sasuke in the streets before mentioning "both Sannin" were close by, I took that to mean that Sakura and Sasuke had taken on two of the roles of Sannin. Although in retrospect that doesn't make much sense since that would imply if Tsunade trained Sakura, Jiraiya would've trained Sasuke, which he has no reason to do. Actually, given Jiraiya's relation with Naruto in this story, that's quite unlikely; plus, given what we know of increases in strength from previous chapters, Taliath wouldn't make Sakura or Sasuke into S-rank nin over a mere few years.

I forgot what this story was for a moment.

Still, I think that's one part of the snippet that should be revised for potential confusion.

Yeah I dont think the title of Sannin can be passed on. They were given that title by Hanzo. They are the Sannin. Not the current Sannin. So I dont really see the point in that being changed.

klackerz
05-15-2010, 11:48 AM
Ya,no need to change it.As this is just a snippet,there will be some mention of Jiraiya and Tsunade when the actual chapter comes out.

Anyway,pretty nice update.

TuskenRaider
02-06-2011, 09:59 PM
Adrien Skywalker's version from "Hokage":


"He was alive inside my mind. A strong, caring Hokage. The best father a kid could have. A genuine protector of Konoha."

Tsunade's eyes focused. "And do you have any proof of this?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Look, Naruto, I want to trust you, I really do, But, are you sure it's not the Kyuubi messing with your mind? Are you absolutely certain you are not hallucinating everything? "

The blond boy cocked his head at the Sannin, carefully considering what the woman had to say, before a slow grin split his face. "Three. I can prove myself to you in three ways."

"Oh? Let's have at it, then."

Naruto stood up and carefully moved back so that he could have more room. He held up his palm. "Rasengan." Concentrated chakra spun, forming a blue spiraling sphere.

Jiraiya exhaled sharply. "That's—"

"Oodama Rasengan." Another blue sphere formed in Naruto's other hand, and he carefully merged the two, creating an enormous orb of deadly chakra, before Jiraiya could react.

Jiraiya's eyes were wide opened in shock.

"You might want to step back a little, Ero-sennin." Naruto took a deep breath, before attempting another step. "Fuuton: Rasengan."

Jiraiya pushed away from the table and took several steps back as harsh winds blew around the apartment.

Slowly, the blond Hokage slowed down the spinning until the spiraling storm in his hands eased away. "Any higher level variations would tear this apartment apart," called Naruto loudly. Indeed, the Rasenshuriken would have literally destroyed the interior of this office. "That's my first proof. After all, if my father died over sixteen years ago, no one but you and his students would know this technique. Only you and Kakashi know this, and Kakashi does not even know that I know that he knows this technique, and you just taught me the basic version, and if you didn't teach me elemental manipulation, then who could?"

Jiraiya had a look of confusion on his face. A mix of surprise, elation, shock—and sadness?—flashed through his facial expressions.

"Second, he continued," as he looked at Tsunade, "is a piece of information that you never shared with anyone. It pertains to the first jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, your grandmother, Uzumaki Mito."

The atmosphere in the room turned electric, as Tsunade jumped to her feet, shocked to her core.

"How the hell do you even know about her?" Tsunade all but screeched, as Naruto flashed a wan grin. "Mom, she told me all about how she was brought here to be her replacement, only thing was that she never suspected that her own son would be her replacement in the future," he finished sadly, while Tsunade sat down staring at him in astonishment.

Jiraiya looked at him carefully. "So, you have the rasengan mastered—even added chakra elements, which Minato hadn't managed to do before his death. You have the true knowledge of what happened to your mother and about her ancestry. What's your third proof?"

Naruto grinned, his eyes darting to the floor where a hidden seal was located just behind the large man. Perfect. He quickly formed four hand seals—

—the Toad Sannin's eyes widened as he recognized the combination, gasping out, "Impossible—!"

—even as the blond boy calmly muttered, "Hiraishin no Jutsu!"

There was a flash of yellow.

Jiraiya's eyes widened in shock. His body froze. His thoughts jammed to a stop. His mouth dropped open, while Tsunade literally dropped out of the chair on her butt in an undignified heap.

Cold metal touched his bare neck as Naruto held a kunai to his throat. "My father's ultimate technique. My third and final proof. Are you convinced yet, Ero-sennin, Tsunade-baachan?"




Taliath's version from Across Dimensions:


He's alive in my world. A strong, caring Hokage. The best father a kid could have. A genuine protector of Konoha."

The Toad Sage's eyes focused. "And do you have any proof of this?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Look, kid, I know you are the real Naruto—your enormous chakra capacity says it all. I know you are highly trained, able to convince Gamabunta to let you sign the summoning contract, and I know you genuinely believe you're from another world. But, are you sure it's not the Kyuubi messing with your mind? Are you absolutely certain your memories haven't been tampered with?"

The blond boy cocked his head at the Sannin, carefully considering what the man had to say, before a slow grin split his face. "Three. I can prove myself to you in three ways."

"Oh? Let's have at it, then."

Naruto stood up and carefully moved back so that he could have more room. He held up his palm. "Rasengan." Concentrated chakra spun, forming a blue spiraling sphere.

Jiraiya exhaled sharply. "That's—"

"Oodama Rasengan." Another blue sphere formed in Naruto's other hand, and he carefully merged the two, creating an enormous orb of deadly chakra.

Jiraiya's eyes were wide opened in shock.

"You might want to step back a little, ero-sennin." Naruto took a deep breath, before attempting another step. "Fuuton: Rasengan."

Jiraiya pushed away from the table and took several steps back as harsh winds blew around the apartment.

Slowly, the blond jounin slowed down the spinning until the spiraling storm in his hands eased away. "Any higher level variations would tear this apartment apart," called Naruto loudly. Indeed, the Rasenshuriken would have literally destroyed the interior of his home. "That's my first proof. After all, if in this world my father died over twelve years ago, no one but you and his students would know this technique."

Jiraiya had a look of confusion on his face. A mix of surprise, elation, shock—and sadness?—flashed through his facial expressions.

Naruto reached up to his neck and carefully pulled off his crystal amulet necklace—given to Tsunade by the First Hokage, and later passed down to him—his only real protection against the Demon Fox in his belly—and held it out to the white-haired Toad Hermit. "I think you'll recognize this. My second proof: the crystal amulet of the Shodai Hokage. Tsunade-obaachan gave it to me when I was nine to subdue the destructive nature of the demon chakra."

The Toad Sannin reached out and took the crystal from him, gazing down at the artifact with wonder. Blue chakra lit his finger tips as he carefully activated the crystal—and felt its familiar resonation. "This really is the Shodai Hokage's necklace."

"It is. I'm pretty sure obaa-chan has one just like it in this world—identical in every way."

Jiraiya handed back the crystal. "So, you have the rasengan mastered—even added chakra elements, which Minato hadn't managed to do before his death in this world. You have Tsunade's necklace. What's your third proof?"

Naruto grinned, his eyes darting to the floor where a hidden seal was located just behind the large man. Perfect. He quickly formed four hand seals—

—the Toad Sannin's eyes widened as he recognized the combination, gasping out, "Impossible—!"

—and the blond boy calmly muttered, "Hiraishin no Jutsu!"

There was a flash of yellow.

Jiraiya's eyes widened in shock. His body froze. His thoughts jammed to a stop. His mouth dropped open.

Cold metal touched his bare neck as Naruto held a kunai to his throat. "My father's ultimate technique. My third and final proof. Are you convinced yet, ero-sennin?"



Eerily similar, no?

Andro
02-06-2011, 10:12 PM
Reported Adrien Skywalker. The guy's been writing shit nonstop for years, his only chance at not writing shit was by plagiarizing someone with talent.

Inert
02-07-2011, 12:16 AM
Reported Adrien Skywalker. The guy's been writing shit nonstop for years, his only chance at not writing shit was by plagiarizing someone with talent.

^Truth. I also reported him, though I had the misfortune of having to read the entire fic before finding this scene. Dude can't write worth shit and has a taste for ridiculously overpowered Narutos. I was planning to leave him a pretty scathing review to begin with, but this just topped it off.