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WhirlPool Blood By: Shodaime of S.S.D.D.

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Manatheron, Feb 20, 2009.

1/5, 5 votes
  1. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    Feb 20, 2009 #1
    Title:Whirlpool Blood
    Author: Shodaime of S.S.D.D
    Rating: R ish
    Genre:General
    Pairing:Naru/Many (One at a time though)
    Status: WIP. It was finished to 50 chapters before a computer accident. (or so the author claims)
    Summary:Rewrite of 'Daddy's the Rokudaime?' Set later on, making more sense. Naruto's been banished for twenty years. Now Konoha want him back, only he isn't all that willing to return. Can his friends bring him home or not?

    Link:here

    Comments: The spelling and grammar are occasionally and very lightly questionable (first chapter more than anywhere else), But the plot more than makes up for it.
     
  2. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    5,129
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Feb 20, 2009 #2
    This story is horrible. Has way too many grammar errors for one (this is supposed to be a fucking rewrite?). Bitch needs a beta. Also, it pisses me off when they Americanize the Jap names, like Naruto Uzumaki. It looks plain fucking ugly and sounds retarded. I can forgive using English translations for techniques, but not knowing to put the last name before the first is unforgiveable. Not only that, he can't stop doing it. Every other line is, "Itachi Uchiha this, Sakura Haruno that, Naruto Uzumaki is the next Hokage." Blah fucking blah.

    Also the author doesn't know the difference between 'concur' and 'conquer'. I've actually never seen anyone with that problem before. The two words don't even sound alike, for fucks sake.

    The fanclub they keep mentioning for Naruto and Haku is also stupid as hell. Not only that, the author in all his infinite retardedness decided that he just had to tell the reader exactly what everyone was wearing so:


    Inserting your own comments into the story is just bad form. Unprofessional and completely ruins the rhythm (what little this story had) of the work. Author spelled canon wrong as well. -_-


    And the plot isn't that original. It's just another, "Naruto is banished/leaves and Sasuke is brought back/comes back to Konoha" story. There's one that is a little better than this one, The Golden Fox, but that has its own share of grammar errors and OOCness.


    I've never a story with this plot actually done well. With good grammar, characters are mostly in character, dialogue isn't cheesy and ridden with stupid one liner jokes that aren't funny at all. Or all this fanclub nonsense.


    Really, I don't know why you recommended this. I'm on the third chapter, and the plot has barely moved forward, there is still a multitude of grammar errors, and the story is still stupid.
     
  3. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Feb 20, 2009 #3
    Read it once a while ago. I won't bother re-reading it.

    The execution of this story is just horrible. Shitty pacing, shitty plot-devices and a complete lack of logic is demonstrated by the characters. The whole idea of attacking his kids to convince him to return? That makes as much sense as trying to impregnate someone via anus.

    It is hard to imagine a situation where Konoha banishes Naruto then begs him to return to become Hokage. Nothing inspires effective leadership than being reviled by over half the population for being a demon.

    1/5

    The author needs to get a clue.
     
  4. ZeroTheDestroyer

    ZeroTheDestroyer Auror

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    666
    Location:
    I am getting there
    Feb 20, 2009 #4
    The weird part is this story is the original version of this is in the Cool not deadlast Naruto community.
     
  5. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
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    Feb 20, 2009 #5
    -shrugs-

    To each their own I Guess.
     
  6. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    3,947
    Feb 21, 2009 #6
    I wouldn't say 'to each their own'. Trying to feign indifference and typing that tends to not work when your 'own' is apparently shitty stories.

    Look at this, the very first sentence:

    That's fucking sad.
     
  7. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Dark Lord

    Joined:
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    1,871
    Location:
    TN
    Feb 22, 2009 #7
    How did this get in here? Don't we have a review board now?

    Anyway, I just clicked on a random chapter and stared reading...

    Horrible. Easily one of the worst attempts at good writing.

    He tried and failed to be poetic - it just doesn't fit.

    You're kidding, right? This is just a joke, isn't it. You're trying to start a flaming rally, and see who jumps on the bandwagon, eh?

    Well I'm jumping on. Eating steaming shit would be better than reading this fic. This doesn't deserve a grade.
     
  8. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
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    1,166
    Feb 22, 2009 #8
    -Tries to look innocent-

    Me? Would I do that?
     
  9. Mechanicalchrist

    Mechanicalchrist Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    317
    Location:
    The Internet
    Feb 22, 2009 #9
    There must be something about the name Haku that makes you into a gigantic faggot.
     
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