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Jon
03-02-2010, 12:28 AM
Title: Fate/eternia
Author: Surarrin
Rating: M
Pairing: Naruto/Undecided
Crossover: Naruto x Fate/stay night

Chapters: 6
Words: 49,015
May 21, 2013
Published: March 1, 2010

Summary: Within the miasma of an eternal languish, the light of hope shines with a magnificence unrelenting. Grasp onto it with your own two hands and pull yourself from purgatory and embrace a miracle. Uzumaki Naruto shall fight in the War of the Holy Grail.

Link: FanFiction.Net (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5785642/1/Fate_eternia)

Doo.

Doo.

Dee.

Doo.


Checked by Minion February 13, 2014
I'm inclined to say: Abandoned by default

Archer
03-02-2010, 02:29 AM
Naruto shouldn't be able to leave the temple... >_>

Jon
03-02-2010, 05:19 AM
Naruto shouldn't be able to leave the temple... >_>

But he can. :awesome See if you can figure out why without me telling you.

Moloch
03-02-2010, 05:54 AM
He cheetz.

Aekiel
03-02-2010, 05:56 AM
Can I read this with absolutely no knowledge of Fate/Stay Night? Also, where can I get a hold of F/SN, preferably slightly less than cheaply.

Jon
03-02-2010, 07:13 AM
Aekiel; It should be fine for you to follow. And, IRC shall assist yee.

goldenwolfeye
03-02-2010, 12:56 PM
I assume that Naruto can leave the temple cause he is a real dude in Earth's history (past of future doesn't matter).

fake Assassin couldn't leave the temple grounds because he never actually existed, and thus his current existence was tied to the temple. If Naruto was real then he would be able to move around just like any other servant.

I assume that Naruto is real because He makes the statements about being Alaya's sword and the manifestation of the will of humanity, otherwise known as a counter gaurdian.

This is just my guess though.

Zarent
03-02-2010, 05:15 PM
Me too, I would probably have to friendship myself to death if I ever found myself like that.Utter win.


Aight, just finished it. I liked it, but is it going to be staying as light and [pardon the term] fluffy, as it is right now?

Jon
03-02-2010, 05:57 PM
Utter win.


Aight, just finished it. I liked it, but is it going to be staying as light and [pardon the term] fluffy, as it is right now?

Night time is Fight time. ;)

ChaosGuy
03-02-2010, 07:31 PM
If another poster is right that Naruto is one of the Counter Guardians then a meeting between him and Archer is probably going to be interesting, nearly as much as the meeting between him and Emiya Shirou, because I'm pretty sure that the Counter Guardians know each other.

Chime
03-02-2010, 09:26 PM
I was really impressed by this. Great first chapter. Love the crossover. It's fitting.

Nuhuh
03-03-2010, 12:48 PM
There are a lot of characters here, each of whom you've given traits that should make it easy to remember. But I understand the problem some are having in RF which is keeping up with who is who. I know the main characters but I might need a cheat sheet for all the students.

Like I mentioned when we talked about this I really like his reactions to potential mages. I don't read Naruto because I thought he was an idiot but I like how you write him. He is brash and yet sensitive at the same time. Kinda hard to pin down what kind of character he is. I really enjoy his relationship with Caster. She is another one who is difficult to figure out.

I step away from the edge of the roof and make my way off the roof. The roof, despite it's large size, and it's lack of students, is now too crowded for both of us to remain.

I really liked the lead-up description to the above line.
---

Please keep writing Taiga. I lulz'd at this: "Amazing!" she gushes. "You have a very good handle on your languages. You don't seem to need this class at all." She is giddy, and suddenly. She frowns, and ponders and pouts. "You don't need my class," she whines.

Rehio
03-03-2010, 02:36 PM
I want more Taiga.

Mog
03-03-2010, 04:27 PM
Aha, someone is pissed. Great Story, and more Taiga would be nice too.

Glernaj
03-03-2010, 08:15 PM
Capitalize the 'e' you goddamned nigger.

sincostan
03-07-2010, 02:49 PM
I felt overwhelmed by the number of introduced characters even though I'm familiar with the story and left a review stating such on ffnet.

Do you have to do it all in the first chapter?

Jon
03-08-2010, 08:40 PM
I felt overwhelmed by the number of introduced characters even though I'm familiar with the story and left a review stating such on ffnet.

Do you have to do it all in the first chapter?

Yes, I did.

sincostan
03-09-2010, 04:37 AM
Your reasoning is none too brief.

Jon
03-09-2010, 05:07 AM
Unlike the chapter, amirite?

The Wizard
03-09-2010, 09:14 AM
This is madness.

Clerith
03-10-2010, 11:36 AM
Naruto is actually pretty strong for an Assassin >_>'

It's kinda ironic that both 'fake heroes' are stronger than the 'real' one XD

Ya need to kill off Caster soon, then the fic can start to roll <3

lanceavalon
03-10-2010, 07:34 PM
Kill the loser master have Naruto save Caster life so that he can make her his love slave:awesome, then the story can start.

Jon
03-14-2010, 08:17 PM
Updated.

/filler

Clerith
03-15-2010, 11:17 AM
It's only now that I noticed how... different this writing style is. It reads alot like FSN visual novel itself! Very japanese-esque too. You also did a rather wonderful job of catching Taiga's essence. Really.

I love what you did with the track team girls =P

"all his blue haired glory" <- was kinda meh when you did it twice, and it feels just weird with Shinji, who we all know you're going to kill. Hopfully.

Anyways, surprisingly enjoyable for a non-combat chapter, and the social connections he made were amusing.

Good work =p

Jon
03-15-2010, 04:02 PM
It's only now that I noticed how... different this writing style is. It reads alot like FSN visual novel itself! Very japanese-esque too.

Ha, I'm glad someone noticed. I'll give myself a pat on the back now. :D

You also did a rather wonderful job of catching Taiga's essence. Really.

Taiga. <3

I love what you did with the track team girls =P

Run, Rabbit, Run.

"all his blue haired glory" <- was kinda meh when you did it twice, and it feels just weird with Shinji, who we all know you're going to kill. Hopfully.

I'll go back and fix this.

Anyways, surprisingly enjoyable for a non-combat chapter, and the social connections he made were amusing.

It's all in the Taiga.

Good work =p

Cheers.

Chime
03-19-2010, 11:05 PM
The story does read like a translated piece, an interesting approach, so long as you avoid the pitfall of using too much Japanese (all according to keikaku), which I don't think you will.

It's going to be fun guessing who's who, unless you're using canon characters as each class. Is Caster the same woman as the one from Stay Night?

Clerith
03-20-2010, 06:38 AM
Servant capable of locating other Master's and Servants

Just Masters.

And way to make Naruto more humane. It's a bit excessive, but does the job well. Probably realistic too, as this is Naruto we're talking about.

I really liked what you did with Rider too. Hm, you must have some gift at FSN characterization, she already feels more of a person than the canon one did. Very descreptive writing too, enjoyable to read.

And lulz at the end. To the frying pan, huh? XD If he goes against Berserker, he's gonna get killed.

Jon
03-20-2010, 07:01 AM
It's going to be fun guessing who's who, unless you're using canon characters as each class. Is Caster the same woman as the one from Stay Night?

They are the same characters, minus Naruto. I was considering changing two specific servants slightly, but in the end I don't think I will.

Just Masters.

And way to make Naruto more humane. It's a bit excessive, but does the job well. Probably realistic too, as this is Naruto we're talking about.

I really liked what you did with Rider too. Hm, you must have some gift at FSN characterization, she already feels more of a person than the canon one did. Very descreptive writing too, enjoyable to read.

And lulz at the end. To the frying pan, huh? XD If he goes against Berserker, he's gonna get killed.

Nice catch.

Thanks, I'm glad someone is enjoying the story. ^_^

Sin Saiori
03-21-2010, 12:47 PM
Just read it. Without reading any of the posts here, I already got the feeling that it was written like the visual novel. Actually, exactly like the visual novel; the scene is presented and through the course of a character's musing or dialog, it is further described. I even like the few typo's I found, cuz I know even mirror-moon fucks up sometimes. Presentation gets a 5/5.

The characterization thus far is rock solid. The students actually seem alive instead of being parts of the faceless masses. Rider has been given more life that she ever had in canon, though that could be because she was never given too much focus. And the exact same could be said of Issei, Shinji, and definitely Caster. Her sense of humor (or lack of it) is pretty dark and lulzy for sure. Blow off his hand on a whim...that's just rude! Naruto himself is where I have to give you actual credit, though. Of late, I've had a very low tolerance for anything Naruto since the manga is fucking us all over something fierce, but you aged him just enough to give him a working, likable personality while retaining some of what he was in his youth. 5/5 again.

I'm pretty sure my favorite scene so far was the intro, the event that made Naruto a heroic spirit. Well and truly epic, man. Tied just enough to canon to be completely believable.

I'm done inflating your head even more. Browse some threads and get back to writing. Your fans demand moar!

Chime
03-21-2010, 09:06 PM
Latest chapter confused me a bit. I'm not up to snuff on my fate stay knowledge, but doesn't mana come from sex (I suppose there are rituals and things, but sex is the fastest)? Naruto was drained of mana, meaning that mean he'd need either Caster to give him some of hers, or he'd need to find someone... or he has some special technique which lets him leech mana (we already know he can maintain his levels with meditation).

Rehio
03-21-2010, 09:23 PM
The only reason Shirou needed to have sex in order to transfer mana (besides making the game H) was because he didn't have a developed magic circuit capable of giving Saber mana.

Something like that. Shirou just sucks as a Master.

Sin Saiori
03-21-2010, 10:01 PM
Shirou just sucks as a Master.

QFT.

But as stated in Syao's fic thread, it's what makes him so endearing. He sucks and tries too hard and complains at every corner, but somehow we still love him.

...Even if I like Ilya more...something about murderous loli's.

Jon
03-21-2010, 10:25 PM
Mana comes in two forms;



Mana (マナ, Mana? (http://typemoon.wikia.com/wiki/Help:Japanese)) is the energy existing in the atmosphere. Produced by the world itself, although usually found in great quantities once used up it will take time to be replenished.



Od (オド, odo? (http://typemoon.wikia.com/wiki/Help:Japanese)) is the energy found within living organisms, life force so to say. Once depleted, the Magic Circuits will recover it. Source of the name probably comes from Odic force (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Odic_force).

ChaosGuy
03-22-2010, 12:37 AM
It's not just that he sucks as a master, but he sucks as a mage, he only has three types of magic and two of those are by-products of the third. Really, the only time he makes any real progress to becoming a mage is in the UBW endings.

Chime
03-22-2010, 10:41 AM
The only reason Shirou needed to have sex in order to transfer mana (besides making the game H) was because he didn't have a developed magic circuit capable of giving Saber mana.

Something like that. Shirou just sucks as a Master.

Ohhh, I see, I'd forgotten that he didn't have a proper circuit. That's why he'd had to sex Saber after Hercules.

That's too bad. I was finding amusement in the fact that when Naruto ran out of mana, he'd need to go h Ayako, Sakura, Rin, etc. or something. Of course, he'd do it politely.

Can't blame me for thinking that. 'Is an h-game.

Sin Saiori
03-22-2010, 02:10 PM
Of course, he'd do it politely.

Now if that isn't the funniest mental image I've had all month, then I don't know what is.

Beyond that, Jon could probably make it happen, and it would probably work, but it would probably take away from the story in the end. Considering his mana supply will only allow him to remain outside the temple for a day or two at a time, that would be a lot of sexy tiem.

Clerith
03-22-2010, 06:21 PM
Meh, you forget that if somehow Caster dies yet Naruto stays alive, he can form a contract with a Master who's lost his/her servant (or has insane enough power levels to upkeep two Servants). That's what I was actually going for with the 'Caster needs to die' comment... though she's kinda grown on me xD

TSN
03-25-2010, 05:14 PM
Jon on a roll.

Clerith
08-31-2010, 05:25 AM
Suddenly an update, indeed! Well, not that suddenly. But yaaa~~y still! I suppose that it's all right to comment in this thread, with the update?

'Onii-sama' brings fetish-like flavour into the interactions that I can't help but to enjoy. The club girls fighting over him was fun to read, as well. In the end, I really ended up cheering for Himuro Kane. I like her.

Drawing Sakura's attraction? Now that is a scary prospect. Stay away from the crazy girl, Naruto!

This was a very fun to read, almost relaxing chapter. You really pulled out all the stops, imo. Without a doubt, 5/5 update.

Jon
08-31-2010, 05:39 AM
Absolutely fine to post here. :3

Next chapter will be awesome.

You have no fucking idea. :awesome

Poytin
08-31-2010, 10:23 AM
Absolutely fine to post here. :3

Next chapter will be awesome.

You have no fucking idea. :awesome

You have to put it out within a couple of days or you're a cock-tease.

Chime
09-03-2010, 12:42 PM
zomg you updated <3

I was kind of hoping that the UBW movie and the new Fate game for the PSP might spark some interest for people to update their Fate stories.

DrSarcasm
07-04-2012, 01:18 PM
It's wonderful to see you updating again. I've been needing my FSN fix.

I'm quite enjoying the show-don't-tell method of writing I've been picking up. Maybe it's just been a string of bad writers, but it's only recently that I've been coming across authors who use said method.

Though something has been bugging me though: It's obvious that at the very least the last few years of Naruto's mortal life were AU by the intro, but at what point does the divergence occur? Did he actually obtain Kusanagi while alive, or is his 'legend' the sum of the events of his life, much like Dark Syao's Fictional!Harry?

I quite liked Rider's new 'mount' from the hardware store. I swear I've seen that image somewhere, but I can't quite remember where.

Jarik
07-04-2012, 08:55 PM
Was ecstatic to see this updated. This is one of my favorite FSN crossovers and has one of the best characterisations of Naruto I've found. =)

tragicmat1
07-05-2012, 12:36 AM
Wow, I had completely forgotten about this story till now :P Love the update too

Legacy
07-05-2012, 03:33 AM
I'm incredibly confused by this update everyone is talking about. I'm looking at the chapter listings now on it and it is still saying last update is 2010.

Edit: Nevermind.

tragicmat1
07-05-2012, 03:50 AM
It's only updated in WBA for now

Jon
07-05-2012, 08:24 AM
Not sure if I ever told you guys, but the reason I stopped writing this story was because I lost the usb with all my plot information on it. Kinda killed any interest I had in writing it at the time. Here we are two years later and I've managed to regain enough interest that I managed to piece together this much from the various people I had shown it to as well as bits and pieces of recovered info.

If you have any questions feel free to ask and I'll answer if I feel that it isn't going to ruin or spoil parts of the story.

Fenraellis
07-05-2012, 11:23 PM
“Maybe, I’m a lion?”
While not a direct quote perhaps, I cracked up, immediately thinking of Firefly.:)

goldenwolfeye
07-11-2012, 04:40 PM
When I saw the new chapter up, I had to go back and reread the entire story, and once again, I loved it.

You, Jon, have really done a great job in catching the 'feel' the visual novel. As a fan of all things Nasuverse, who has been starved of late, thank you. I'm really looking forward to where you take things from here. Your story has captured my imagination in a way that few stories, fanfiction or otherwise, have managed to accomplish.

What are the rest of Naruto's Noble Phantasms? Are they his techniques? If that's the case, how will you handle them in a way that isn't game-breaking? Are there going to be changes to the way the techniques work, similar to the changes to Shadow Clone? Will Naruto's connection with the wind have an impact on his eventual meeting and conflict with Saber? And how the hell do the Brunestud's and Type-Moon fit into the plot (A connection with the ten-tailed beast)?

I don't expect (or even want, really) a post answering my stream of conscience style questions. I just want you to know that there are people who enjoy your storytelling enough to think about what you write. Even when they aren't sitting in front of their computer.

tl;dr: Thank you for what you've written, thank you for what you're going to write, and I, along with every other reader, am eager to see where you take us.

Jon
07-11-2012, 07:17 PM
1. Naruto has 4 Noble Phantasms.
2. That won't have an impact on his meeting or how he interacts with Saber.
3. Brunestud and co fit into the sequel. ;)

I Burn Water
07-11-2012, 07:25 PM
1. Naruto has 4 Noble Phantasms.
2. That won't have an impact on his meeting or how he interacts with Saber.
3. Brunestud and co fit into the sequel. ;)

THERE'S A FUCKING SEQUEL?!

I'd better go ahead and check into a hospital, because there is no way this erection is going to go away in just four hours.

This is my favorite characterization of Naruto, bar none.

Jon
07-11-2012, 09:43 PM
There is.

It has Arcueid and Aoko Aozaki in it, amongst other awesome characters.

TSN
07-11-2012, 10:40 PM
dude you rock.

goldenwolfeye
07-12-2012, 12:16 PM
First off, sequel? Dude, just made my day.

Second, Naruto having four Noble Phantasms is interesting. I suppose we've already seen two, or three in action. The necklace for one, and two or three depending on if his ability to manifest weapons from his time is combined or separate from his ability to use techniques. I assume that the Kyubi will be involved in an NP in some way shape or form. If Gamabunta shows up has a phantasmal beast Noble Phantasm I'll lose it.

Speaking of sequels, The fact that there is a sequel beyond the events of the Holy Grail war imply that Naruto exists in the world beyond the destruction of the Grail. There are only a few ways to accomplish this....

NaruSaku go go go!

Edit: Also, would it be to much to ask for a servant stat sheet? Maybe one that continually updates as we learn more about Assassin?

Jon
07-12-2012, 12:51 PM
I do have one somewhere, but I'd have to edit it based on how much you guys are aware of.

Clerith
07-13-2012, 04:13 PM
Next chapter will be awesome.

You have no fucking idea. :awesome

Well, it was average at best.

Lmao, I fucking read that update some days ago, and I had NO FUCKING IDEA what I was reading. I didn't even make the connection with your story >_> I dunno how I managed to miss that. Now it makes sense.

To be honest, I'm just wanting more, now. I mean, the ramen part was funny, and the chase was exciting, but... more. Just need more to really grasp the fact that you're actually updating again. It was pretty jarring, but probably because I didn't re-read the story... yet :p

Anyways, sequel, huh? Aoko and Arcueid are pretty awesome, yeah. Say, is it gonna be pre- or post-Tsukihime?

I do have one somewhere, but I'd have to edit it based on how much you guys are aware of.

Cool. Give us the full info once the fic is over, will ya?

Jon
07-13-2012, 06:01 PM
It's a third of the chapter. It isn't done yet. Far from it.

Wingthesword
08-20-2012, 10:38 PM
I'm actually more interested in the Gilgamesh and Illya interaction. Especially Gil.