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View Full Version : [Complete] First Try - Lucillia - Naruto


TheWiseTomato
06-17-2011, 06:15 AM
Title: First Try
Author: Lucillia
Rating: T
Genre: Drama/Humour
DLP Category: Naruto
Pairing: None listed
Status: Complete
Summary: Due to a quirk of fate, Naruto passes the Academy Graduation Exam on his first try. Because of this, his life takes an interesting turn before he joins Team 7 as he was destined to do.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7033987/1/First_Try

Good amusing read. Chapters are short and the author is a drabble poster, but the fic is complete at 28K words. Well written, nothing jumped out that made me want to punch a kitten. There's a sequel in the works too, currently at 56K words.

DarkAizen
06-17-2011, 10:56 AM
Yeah, I'm following this one as well, and it's a pretty good story. Chapters are a little short, but when she updates, she often updates 3 or more chapters, so it's all good.

Some grammar mistakes although nothing that prevented me from enjoying this story.

4/5

The Berkeley Hunt
06-17-2011, 11:18 AM
Considering how sparse this fandom is for good fics, this board has become one of my favourite on DLP. Keep on postin'!

Nice story. I really liked the description of the ninja system as it applies to regular ninja, it really encompassed the professionalism I expected a ninja village to have, and Naruto's progression from idiot to solid genin, as opposed to canons shit to lolhax. Many OCs, and his team are sadly underdeveloped, but Tetsuo was a good guy, and they all served their purpose admirably without getting too in your face.

My main problem with this fic is that its obviously a setup for the sequel, in which Naruto interacts with the main canon cast, and consequently certain avenues weren't explored, and the fic didn't have the depth I usually need to really enjoy a fic.

But, solid work with a great, original premise that worked really well, 4/5 for me, definite recommendation.

Tasoli
06-17-2011, 04:11 PM
It is so similar to a bunny I tought for last few months it isn't even funny.

still I think it would be more interesting if Naruto was alredy a chunin.

Kari Black
06-17-2011, 10:32 PM
I've been following this too, and its sequel. Fairly solid, and the short chapters do get to me a bit (I tend to like longer ones better). There's not much that's super original, but it manages to avoid the horrible cliches too for the most part. There could be more in-depth character development across the board, and some more careful attention to grammar and writing style. It's still a pretty enjoyable light read, and I like Naruto's progression as a ninja. It hovers at the lower end of a 4/5 for me.

The Berkeley Hunt
06-17-2011, 11:55 PM
One thing that should be mentioned is the use of multiple perspectives. I know some people really dislike that, and especially in the sequel the author often uses the other teams of the chunin exams, and Zabuza or Haku etc instead of Naruto.

It can work really well, like using Tazuna's impression of the first Zabuza/Kakashi fight to turn it from it's usual chapter-long fight into a couple of paragraphs, but it can also be a bit frustrating not to follow Naruto's thoughts and such.

Just thought I should put the word on that out there, but still maintaining the rec either way.

Starwind
06-18-2011, 06:04 AM
I had two iffys about this - the massive connection to the Uzumaki he was trying to build in Wave - and - Naruto's sensei is a Shimura, it always seems like most ocs have to be related to a main character, why? -_- other than that I have been enjoying it.

TheWiseTomato
06-18-2011, 08:26 AM
Trying to mitigate low tolerences for OCs perhaps.

Rehio
06-18-2011, 01:50 PM
I'm honestly kind of disappointed in this one. The author lets Naruto graduate early and has a pretty interesting story about it.

And then the sequel seems to follow canon to the letter. It's just boring.

Lion
06-20-2011, 07:04 PM
It does? I must have forgotten about the ANBU battle royal at the end of the wave arc. My bad.

KaiDASH
06-21-2011, 08:23 PM
It does? I must have forgotten about the ANBU battle royal at the end of the wave arc. My bad.

I think we're looking for non-trivial changes here.

Euroclydon
06-21-2011, 08:47 PM
I agree with Rehio, this is a bit boring. The fight scenes aren't exactly what I'm used to as far as description is concerened, it kind of feels like the author sets up the fight and gives a brief overview of what went down, and then skips to the next scene. Heh, I'm still reading it, so I can't complain too much.

Starwind
06-22-2011, 06:12 AM
It's more like multiple drabbles for a chapter to me, but still enjoyable.

You can't expect major divergences so quickly, otherwise it's AU, but Naruto responses could cause divergences to stuff. Although atleast the writer seems to not bash Kakashi. They seem iffy on Sakura and Sasuke though.

The Berkeley Hunt
07-03-2011, 09:33 AM
Now updated - here it is. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7043747/28/) Amusing tangent with what a regular nin must feel when they encounter two S-classes just hanging around.

"Gee, thanks." Kuarutsu said. "We'll just be going now."

Pretty funny.

TheWiseTomato
07-03-2011, 09:44 AM
Yeah, that was good--I liked the feel I got of how the only reason the regular nin were left alive was because Itachi and Kisame had something else to occupy their attention.

Multiple perspectives in this chapter was good. The way people from across the continent were rooting for Naruto was amusing.

LT2000
07-05-2011, 09:04 AM
The Sasuke bashing in the recent chapters is getting a bit tiresome.

Howdy
07-05-2011, 05:11 PM
The Sasuke bashing in the recent chapters is getting a bit tiresome.

Meh.

Call it bashing if you want, but canon Sasuke is a nasty, loathsome character and it's difficult to write Naruto fiction, as you are aware, without expressing that in some way or otherwise making his character do a 180.

Eventually Kishimoto solved this issue by writing Sasuke out of the manga for huge periods of time, but in a story that focuses on the growth and dynamic of Team 7 it's difficult to sweep under the rug.

digitalstorm
07-05-2011, 06:27 PM
Call it bashing if you want, but canon Sasuke is a nasty, loathsome character and it's difficult to write Naruto fiction, as you are aware, without expressing that in some way or otherwise making his character do a 180.


Sasuke was pretty decent up until he challenged Itachi to a fight and got his ass kicked.

LT2000
07-05-2011, 08:29 PM
Indeed (at least as far as treatment of Naruto goes) Sakura was a far more unpleasant character than Sasuke at this point in canon imo. Exactly what nasty, spoiled things had Sasuke done at or prior to the Chuunin Exam arc? I hate PTS Sasuke as much as anyone and I was, as I'm sure you were referring to, likewise guilty of treating him in a less than fair manner in my old abandoned dungheap of a fic...but that doesn't make it good writing.

KaiDASH
07-05-2011, 09:49 PM
Prior to the 2nd mindrape by Itachi, Sasuke's character was fine. Sakura was more of a bitch before that point too.

Not really too impressed with how this fic has been going now. Too much telling with too little showing, the character bashing and the main events are basically a straight canon rehash.

Howdy
07-06-2011, 03:08 AM
Prior to the 2nd mindrape by Itachi, Sasuke's character was fine.

This is incorrect.

Sasuke started his descent into becoming the giant dickbag that he now is right around the time he started really seeing Naruto as an equal or even a superior - right after he defeated Gaara.

Sure Sasuke says that he wants to fight Naruto in the finals, but personally I don't think that Sasuke had even the slightest bit of doubt that he would hand Naruto's ass to him. After Naruto beat Gaara and Sasuke began to feel inferior is really where the change began. Itachi's interest in Naruto just compounded it.

In this fic, Naruto is always superior to Sasuke, and Sasuke begins to mistakenly believe that Naruto has been toying with him all along. It's the same sort of thing we see in canon Sasuke, only with an earlier onset due to the canon changes in this story.

KaiDASH
07-06-2011, 03:59 AM
No, you're incorrect.

Sasuke's first concern when he hears about Itachi coming for Naruto is Naruto's safety (link (http://www.mangafox.com/manga/naruto/v16/c144/11.html) - this page and the next) It's in narrator speech, but it is clearly intended to be read as Sasuke's thoughts.

He even half-jokes with Kakashi when Kakashi is early (link (http://www.mangafox.com/manga/naruto/v16/c140/15.html).

To say that his characterization prior to getting mindfucked by Itachi is the start of his descent into a dickbag is similar to saying losing a 10 cent coin is the start of a descent into poverty.

Howdy
07-06-2011, 04:07 AM
All you've shown is that, at that point in time, Sasuke's friendship with Naruto is stronger than his feelings of jealousy - not that they aren't there. I was simply pointing out the beginning of Sasuke's jealous streak with regards to Naruto.

In First Try Sasuke and Naruto never develop any bonds of friendship, so there is no buffer there to mitigate Sasuke's jealousy.

KaiDASH
07-06-2011, 04:37 AM
Except a majority of the bashing going on in First Try:2 isn't even based on the Naruto:Sasuke dynamic, just Kakashi bemoaning about what a stuck up spoiled brat he is. Or other characters going on about Sasuke taking advantage of every advantage he can get (ie: 'stealing' moves) like a good little ninja.

Psychotic Cat
07-06-2011, 05:13 AM
At it's core Sasuke's problem was never being jealous of Naruto.

The problem is, Sasuke doesn't know about the Kyuubi granting Naruto strength.
All Sasuke knows and all he can know is that Naruto is growing faster than he is.

Now if Sasuke isn't even growing in strength as fast as Naruto how on earth could he expect to be advancing enough to ever make any progress in killing Itachi?

Sasuke's problem is his own insecurity and right as all these thoughts are really taking hold. Itachi returns looking for Naruto and shows that if he wants to he could butcher the people Sasuke cares about and Sasuke would be no more able to stop him than he was the first time.
Then Itachi mind rapes him again.

But this is too complex for most people to bother thinking about.
Having your whole family and everyone you care about slaughtered by your idol isn't a real problem.
Sasuke's just a whiny emo kid.
Having said idolised big brother use magical mind torture to force you to witness him doing it doesn't leave psychological damage.
Sasuke's just a jerk.

edit
Except a majority of the bashing going on in First Try:2 isn't even based on the Naruto:Sasuke dynamic, just Kakashi bemoaning about what a stuck up spoiled brat he is. Or other characters going on about Sasuke taking advantage of every advantage he can get (ie: 'stealing' moves) like a good little ninja.

It's not stealing, it's harmlessly making a free copy.
I say Sasuke should be commended for his efforts to put an end to the hate and embracing his pirate brothers.
Like all the people who steal manga.

The Berkeley Hunt
07-06-2011, 08:45 AM
Eh, whatever motivations he may have had, canon and most fanon Sasuke acts like a total dickbag, and even if I can understand where he's coming from that doesn't mean I have to like him.

On topic, this latest chapter did not interest me at all. I don't know what it was, but It didn't do anything at all for me.

Sin Saiori
07-07-2011, 09:19 AM
In regards to First Try: Team 7

I'll be honest. At first, the whole radio-talk-show-interlude was pretty neat. Now it's just getting old. Of course, there's the possibility that stuff in the newest chapter could lead to actual events and not just more filler, but it's still pretty meh.

Ceebee
07-07-2011, 10:15 AM
First Try was mildly interesting, though I always thought that the majority of the characters made nonsensical/illogical deductions that detracted from the narrative. If I were to rate it, I'd probably give it a 2.5 or a 3 out of 5.

First Try: Team 7 is a non engaging piece of junk that is not sure of what it wants to be and has a rapidly shifting perspective that compounds the fail. Following canon quite strictly and then making silly changes (Zabuza, Haku, who gives a fuck about them?) before moving on to follow canon strictly again is a definite mark against it. A 1 or (maybe) 2 out of 5 story.

The Berkeley Hunt
07-07-2011, 11:19 AM
Eh, I want to disagree, since I liked the premise of the original so much, but you're so right. If only...

KaiDASH
07-07-2011, 11:31 AM
The original was pretty reasonable - good idea and the style wasn't so grating when all the changing scenes were either Naruto pov or directly about Naruto.

Now it's just a canon + lol changes mashup with excessive bashing (multiple pov's in the same chapter all bashing Sasuke is excessive) and too many pointless scenes (there are chapters full of pointless scenes)

Tasoli
07-07-2011, 03:25 PM
Problem about Sasuke comes from canon itself. In canon Sasuke copies Lee's using Sharingan and every body prises him for it says how much of a genius it was and that all of that nonsense. Later Naruto crates a combo inspired by Sasukes move everybody says he copied Sasuke therefor he is inferior.

This part made a lot of reader enemies of Sasuke an it only grew from there.

Greener
08-18-2011, 02:00 PM
Lucillia posted the second chapter in a First Try AU:

Title: First Try Team 7: Divergence
Author: Lucillia
Rating: K+
DLP Category: Naruto
Pairing: None listed
Status: WIP
Summary: If a situation can go both ways, it will. At every crossroads, a new universe is formed, and a person will always take the road not taken, even if they never see themselves do it. Tsunade makes a different choice, and there are consequences.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7275090/1/First_Try_Team_7_Divergence (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7033987/1/First_Try)

I'm guessing that she got bored with the direction the previous one went - in this one Tsunade does something that leaves Konoha needing to look elsewhere for a Hokage (and they don't pick one of the usual suspects). It's too early to see how good it'll be, but the first two chapters are promising. Anyways, mostly FYI for those that liked the original.

Tasoli
08-18-2011, 04:17 PM
Yes It looks more promising than other story. That was boring.

CheddarTrek
10-05-2011, 08:10 AM
Just found via Filtered Fanfiction search and then realized it was already here...

At any rate, I quite like the first story in this "series" -- First Try. My only real complaint is that Naruto seems less... crazy? hyperactive? than in canon, but it could be explained by the people he's around and the fact that he is two years younger than canon. Graduating early and getting into a Genin Team with people he doesn't know and who don't know him (and are two years older) might have actually been this good for his development.

Naruto's Sensei doesn't appear to like him at first, but has his reasons for putting up with Naruto anyway, and he's professional about his duties. It gradually leads into forming a reasonably good relationship with Naruto. He's also reasonably well done for an OC. Naruto's teammates are... well, they're OCs, but I can't really say much about them. They aren't Mary/Gary Stu's but it's not because they're written well, it's because they're barely written at all. It works though.

So for the first story, I give it a 3.5 rounded up to a 4/5 I guess. I'd have liked a lot more of it and more details on what we did get -- things seemed to happen over time, which is understandable, but without us really seeing them happening. Hard to explain, but I guess it could be simplified as "things are told, not shown."

Then I started trying the other stories labelled as "First Try." There's a one-shot that takes place during the first story, but it's 3/5 at best. Not enough focus on Naruto.

The First Try Team 7 Divergence story is what I checked out next, as it's the shorter of the two sequels. The divergence point is later though -- in the Find Tsunade Arc -- so reading it next is pointless and there isn't much Naruto in it yet anyway.

The original sequel -- First Try: Team 7 -- is not the best thing ever but it doesn't suck. Sasuke assuming that Naruto was just stringing everyone along and tricking them on purpose with his skills at the Academy is irritating, but then I guess Sasuke is irritating in general in canon.

But in the end, it's mostly just a lot of canon rehash going on with a few changes thrown in. As in the first story I feel as if we are told instead of shown a lot of it. This one I'd put at 3.5/5 as well but round down this time to 3/5 -- it doesn't have the originality that the first story had to bump it up to a 4, but the writing quality is similar.

Edit: Holy shit, Author has written 228 stories for everything from Animorphs to StarTrek: The Original Series, Harry Potter, Dresden Files, and various Manga.

I'd love to see what this author could do if they'd focus on something given the decent quality of the fics I just read. If they can write a story of this length that is rated a 3/5 while writing that much other stuff... there's potential, but damn.

Cjonbloodletter
01-06-2012, 02:57 PM
For those of you who care
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7715439/1/First_Try_Shippuden