View Full Version : Traitors Within Discussion Thread - Old Story Thread

Pages : 1 [2]

06-11-2007, 09:11 PM
Eh...I have only read up to chapter nine on the archives, SO I was wondering.
Does anyone have the other six chapters?

06-19-2007, 09:59 PM
Here's some of my notes, in no chronological order. Keep in mind I'd started years ago, and that these are the notes that've survived my purgings of my hard drive.

=The thing that Voldemort bonded Harry with was indeed, Sirius's magical core and soul. However, other then one or two times, late in the story, Sirius will never influence Harry at all. It is Voldemort who is inside Harry's mind, acting as Sirius to guide him dark. (No I was not even years ago, retarded enough to really use the cliche of brining Sirius back. I took alot of flak for that scene, so much so, that it did indeed help turn me off. )

Harry discovers this midway through the story, and begins to play Voldemort against all his own DE's, orchestrating Snape to break off and form his own group of DE's with power stolen from Voldemort.

=Harry blackmails Umbridge into doing what he tells her. She is approached by Lucius Malfoy, who takes her to a mass marking ceremony for new DE's. She gives Voldemort alot of useful info. Harry goes to several of the meetings in his cloak, Malfoy eventualy sees him and brings him forth. Harry says he wanted to see how his ally did business and he's unimpressed, since he's been there he's seen two traitors. Harry accuses Malfoy of knowingly recruiting Umbridge to further his rouge group of DEs that want to split off from Voldemort (This is true) Voldemort refuses to believe it. Harry casts silencing charms and calls out Umbridge, and turns her in as a spy. Umbridge has on her person a recording device, a quicknotes quill set with a floorplan of Voldemort's headquarters, with a note (forged from Malfoy asking her to seize funds from various dead DE family to further his cause) Voldemort stuns Umbridge, and tells Harry to take care of her. He orders Lucuis held down as he tortures him. Harry slips out a bottle of faked and real memories, making Lucius seem much guilter then he really is of betrayal, and obliviates any trace of Umbridge working for Harry out of her mind. He brands I must not tell lies across her forehead and stuns her after a few quick bone shattering curses. Voldemort comes in and orders Harry to stop and delves into her mind, seeing Harry's altered memories and none of the old ones or the memory wipe he believes Harry and continues the cease fire between himself and Harry. (Harry made Umbridge swear a oath not to reveal their spying agreement to anyone under any circumstances.) Harry thanks him, and points his wand behind his back without looking. Avada Kedavra. bye bye toady. Harry gets in tighter with Voldie for exposing spies and then commiting murder in front of him.

=The OWL owl visits Harry around the end of chapter 8 or 9. Harry senses a being in the room approaching him fast from behind, but not what it is, and he turns around and attacks the poor thing with a flame curse and kills the owl, leaving it a charred carcass. He looks at it for a minute, mutters shit, and he kicks the cooked bird to Buckbeak who quickly eats it, ending minutes later with a large belch. -This is my way of saying WE DONT FUCKING CARE ABOUT OWL RESULTS NOW STOP WASTING CHAPTERS YOU STUPID BASTARDS @ FF.NET

=Voldemort orders Bellatrix to spy on Harry for him and report back major changes, and she is to follow his orders of he'll kill her after years of punishment. Harry accepts her and orders her, as head of the family to swear loyalty to him. She does, and he forces her to swear a magical oath also, binding her to him so she can't betray him. He instructs her what she is allowed to tell Voldemort. He tortures her, and as time goes on she teaches him things, his first act using imperio is to rape her, to break her into seeing his will is stronger then hers. Harry gives her access to all the money he has left and she starts buying up businesses. She rebuilds Harry's fortune while he is away training.

-Molly says hes still a child, Harry offers to knock Ginny up to prove hes old enough to be considered a man. Ginny gets a weird look on her face like she'd love to be his cum bucket.

=Fidelius charm's a cloak, similar to the invisibility cloak. Anyone he hasn't told the secret to cannot find him as long as the cloak is intact and covering him. He does something major to one of the people in Hogwarts with it ./

=Flamel is NOT dead, he gave Dumble a weakened Sorc stone, so Flamel and his wife could slip back into obscurity. After being around for hundreds of years he knows fully well Dumbledore could not ever be completely trusted, and while they worked together for years on the uses of dragons blood, he never entrusted him to be near the true stone. He considers the man to be just as guilty as Voldemort for not taking serious action to stop Voldemort as Tom Riddle

Flamell Gives Harry a version of the Stone, not able to make elixir of life, but able to transmute anything into gold on small scales. Harry uses this money to buy the goblins ino agreeing to a deal.They make a deal with the goblins that any dead DE that will have their money seized by the government, the goblins fudge the records and transfer a third of it to Harry and they get to keep a third. Umbridge or the current minister signs papers at the Ministry so the third they get winds up in shadow accounts for Harry anyway. Harry kills DE's to get rich. The Potter and Black vaults will be near empty after being put on hold for years with no heir to the fortune of legal age to take them over. This explains Harrys great wealth without using the bullshit heritiary riches,.

=Harry captures Fluffy from the forbidden forest, uses him to gaurd his own home. source quote: [[[ JKR. I love attentive readers...you tend to find at Hogwarts that anything that's dangerous ends up in the forest ... so that's where Fluffy was released, so he's roaming round in the forest... ]]] Harry later on kills Hermione by locking her in a room with Fluffy, and covers her in female hellhound in heat’s phermomones, and Fluffy rips her to shreads in a gore fest worthy of Vash

=Harry and Lupin transfuse a good portion of the wolfsbane potion into his blood stream for a month, and they slowly build up Lupin's tolerance to silver. Silver is NOT posion to werewolves, it's the ultimate cure for the condition. However, it destroys the tainted werewolf cells (blood/skin/etc) when it comes in contact with it, and death is usually the end result, as the body cannot make untainted cells without the wolfsbane potion inside the body already. Wolfsbane affects mostly the most delicate of cells when given to a person near transformation state, namly the brain and the reproductive system. (So a person can keep their mind while a wolf, and keep them from reproducing children with the curse inherited) He gives Lupin a silver chain to help build the tolerance up, and spells it to float at first 2 inches, then 1 inch, then half an inch, then touching Lupins neck until his body can stand the silver touching him. Voldemort call it Lupin's dog collar.

=Lupin gains control of the werewolf transformation, and bites Harry, giving Harry the mutated virus. It gives Harry augmented senses, and strength, with the ability to control the wolf inside.

Harry becomes the werewolf Beta, due to richness and planning skills along with Greyback. He wins Greyback to his side, by the same process he used with Lupin, under the condition that Greyback will refrain from ever harming children again. Anyone not capable of protecting themselves will be fair game. On a night of a full moon, Harry and Greyback will lead a force of 50 werewolves to a meeting place. At sunset before moonrise Harry will cast a spell to cloud the skies totally. He will of infused the werewolves there with wolfsbane so they can control themselves, but not with silver, so they still need the moonlight. Harry threatens, XXX threatens, XXX gets cocky and attacks. As they close, they toss down anti-portkey, apparation, and floo barriers. Which is what Harry wants. Harry casts a spell to clear the sky and the 50 shabby dressed wizards transform into full blown, stronger werewolves with humand reasoning skills, and rip the force to shreds. I'm playing with the idea of Lupin seeing maybe Hestia Jones/Tonks as a love interest.. and he watches her get tortured to death assisting in the fight, Lupin is so sad he wishes to die, and the inner wolf takes him over completly. the first 24/7 werewolf. The silver collar Harry has given him will of been spelled beforehand with a compulsion to obey spell, forcing the now permanent werewolf to fully obey Harry, just like a good dog would. Voldemort’s foreshadowing it calling it a dog collar comes full circle.

=Harry's going to go dogsledding, goes to Antarctica to uncover ruins of the High elf empire. There is a king there trapped in statis. He is entombed in a crystal cave, and is the real source of the "Merlin being imprisioned in crystal by Nimue" myth, he offers to trade a fraction of his knowledge for a portion of Harry's lifeforce. Harry agrees and spends a little over 5 years imprisoned being siphoned by the lich. Harry is aged 20 years physically, but comes out with several long forgotten spells and rituals that the king has taught him in their mental training

=Have Harry take truth serum when he goes on trial, after Dumbledore defends him harshly. They place Harry in the chair and the chains wrap around him. Harry admits to everything (killing DE's, blowing up the DP building, killing XXXXX), smirking. The wizengomat judges him to get death for his actions, sentence carried out immediatly. The baliff goes for his wand to AK Harry. Dumbledore asks Harry if he has any last words. Harry smiles, looks around the room, then cocks his head sideways and says "Just one... dead man, Activate" --The chair was charmed hours before the trial by a covert agent Harry had bought inside the Ministry to be a large portkey.

=Harry works a deal with Ollivander to install self destruct devices inside each wand, courtesy of a powerful reducto curse in the handle. Over the course of time Harry covertly snaps DE's wands when they battle the ministy or Order, or sneaks the spell into De's wands at Voldemort's HQ. When Harry does eventually turn on Voldemort he get surrounded by DE's who pull their wands. Harry yells out a keyword.. Blaine, or Houdini, something punny, and all the De's wands and wand hands are blow off. Voldemort is still weak from Snape's surprise attack, and is power drained, Harry apparates away.

=Ron's punishment for backstabbing Harry, is Harry seals his conciousness inside a dream world, Ron gets to live out Harry's years with the Dursleys not counting Hogwarts, until finally get dies and Ripper the dog rips out his throat. What happens to Ron in the dream world happens in the real world

=Dumbledore isn't really that strong as he appears, alot of it is illusion and temporary power boosters made from dragon's blood, coupled with healing potions. Harry takes this lesson in illusion to heart, and is seen casting magic without a wand. He has numbed his right forearm, and casts the immobilization spell on it. He cuts his arm open, and places his wand somewhat shrunken down into the center of his forearm bones, then has Lupin heal the cut. Everyone is scared of Harry's new ability to do wandless magic. The tip hover millimetres below the skin of his palm, but the small bump of the tip is disguised with magic

-Harry rants about snakes. Have you ever seen a snake holding a wand? have you ever said a spell in a foreign language? Yes? Did saying it in a different tongue make it insane strong? No? Then stfu.

-Harry stabs Snape with his sword, and severs nerve endings in his spinal chord, Snape's nerves get reattached, but his hands shake so uncomfortably, he cannot hold the potions vials anymore, nor cut the ingrediants anymore. He's barely able to hold the wand. Snape remedies this by being placed in statis to regrow his spine using skelegrow. Voldemort refuses to help him and orders him killed if his use as a spy and potions master isn’t useful anymore. Snape vanishes, heals, comes back and displays he can still perform. This is what leads Snape to plot to betray Voldemort with Malfoy.

Daily prophet goes boom courtesy of either a dragon dung bomb, or a time slowed muggle explosive. Could imperious a muggle commando with c-4 to wire the timers up, and then Harry casts a magic nullification field around it, preventing the magic from interferring with the electronic timer. The bomb levels the building and everyone in it. The Prophets wards protected against fires caused by the equipment and friction, wind and weight on the structural beams and wood. It did not have wards on the inside from instant massive concussive force (the c-4) once the concussive force breaks a wall, the ward is breached and the fires, and force level the building.

Voldemort invades Hogwarts, Dumbledore gets injured to near death, Harry follows Dumbledore as he activates a emergency portkey. Dumbledore has found out Harry is really only posing as loyal to Voldemort to betray him fully. He informs Harry of a spell used by headmasters to pass on all knowledge gained while sitting in the headmaster's chair that has been marked as important. Dumbledore tells Harry the incantation, and dumps alot of knowledge into Harry's mind in the form of spells and rites as he dies.


Harry in a duel with Voldemort on Azkaban island, Harry uses a elemental spell to suck the water away from the island, and it crashes down destroying the prison, the fight rages on they trade blows, Harry summons a gigantic phoenix made of pure fire from the stub of his old wand (Tom breaks it with a slicing charm at the Battle of Hogwarts), using the feather that is imbedded as the solid portion of the summon. the Phoenix streaks toward Voldemort destroying his defenses. Voldemort is burned over most visible places of his body. His right arm from elbow down is exposed bone, from elbow up is shredded skin.

Harry finishes the fight by summoning jagged stones from a pile near him and impaling them through Voldemort. As Harry approaches Voldemort, he kneels down besides him and vaporizes Volde's wand. Banter is exchanged, and as Voldemort's physical form dies, Harry looks down with a smirk, to see the piece of stone embedded inbetween Voldemort's eyes has marking on it... pulling it out, he smirks as he reads, "Sirius Black, Prisioner of Azkaban, year 12"

Harry begins to walk away, not seeing Voldemort's body turns to dust, but senses Tom's spirit as it rises and it attempts to slink away. Harry restrains the spirit, casting a spell to prison the soul within his own, Volemort's soul is too close to his own to remain seperate and they accidentally merge into one. Harry is haunted by all the images, memories that aren't his, as Harry drops to the ground, blood flowing from his red eyes,... he looks around confused as years worth of memories that weren't his flooded into his brain again mingling with still unsorted memories of Dumbledore’s....

Voldemort had absorbed so many souls in his quest for more power, and the fact that they were just two sides of the same coin has all but erased any trace of individuality they had once had. They fuse into one new person with immense power (something like 300ish-sl) incredible knowledge, raw magical power that has never been seen before, and a person who is only loyal to himself and to the magic.

He looks down at hands he doesnt recognize.... the confusion clearly written on his face... his last thought before blacking out was.. "Who am I."

The Battle of Azkaban went on to be recorded in history books as the Day both Harry Potter and Voldemort vanished from the face of the earth...

Harry potter was celebrated after his "death", as far as the public knew, as the Saviour of the wizarding world, only members of the Order of the Phoenix knew what had really happened....

Riddle's vision, much to the surviving Order members dissapointment, turned to be true... Side by side Harry and Tom riddle did stand... not in the physical sense, but mentally thier powers working in unison, in a body with memories of power and spells from hundreds of years long past.

They knew he was not gone for Harry had enough life force in him now to exist for millenia...They knew he'd resurface one day... And all admited tearfully one day he'd come home to the wizarding world, but in what state none could say... little did they know that a new Dark lord and a very potent force for chaos would appear a handful of years later... driven by hate for the wizarding world that had brought nothing but pain and despair to thier life since they first found out of it's existance.... One with the wisdom of Albus Dumbledore, the raw power of Merlin, the hate of Tom Riddle. and the determination to succeed of Harry Potter. The other with the cold calculating moves of a expert Potions Master, with the power and spells long forgotten, ones once weilded by wizards so powerful the Norse once called them gods.

(Harry comes back insane, it's him from the flashforward at the start of the story. He thinks the whole magical world has gone corrupt and it's up to him to cleanse it of impure magic and unworthy wizards. Survival of the fittest. Only the fittest could rise up and conquer the muggles. Snape delves deep into research and find hidden tomes of power in the frozen north. )

A tall young man, with blood red eyes, and a most curiously shaped scar on his forehead would one day be known as the most powerful wizard ever to be born. His reign had the potential to last for generations, for he would not wantonly kill. He only searched for power. For his loyalty now was to the magic. He remembered very vividly telling.. himself ...that "there is no black nor white, only power and those too weak to seek it."

Seek it he shall, and woe betide any in his way.


There's still a few things I haven't seen folks do yet that I'll keep quiet, and some of my ideas from back then make me cringe now, but I wish I hadn't of lost interest in fandom, due to stupid ppl, HBP, and just lack of quality writing all over.

Dark Lord Rostam
06-19-2007, 10:30 PM
Damn. That was better then most stories. Somewhat corny in some parts. Mostly due to new clichés popping up. Elemental spells seemed really fucking gay. Could have been a great story, though.

Dark Syaoran
06-19-2007, 10:33 PM
Heh, Middy. I still have those notes on my hard drive. :)

06-20-2007, 01:17 AM
I think this could of been pretty decent if you hadn't lost interest :) oh well, it easily happens with most fandoms.

=Harry's going to go dogsledding, goes to Antarctica to uncover ruins of the High elf empire. There is a king there trapped in statis. He is entombed in a crystal cave, and is the real source of the "Merlin being imprisioned in crystal by Nimue" myth, he offers to trade a fraction of his knowledge for a portion of Harry's lifeforce. Harry agrees and spends a little over 5 years imprisoned being siphoned by the lich. Harry is aged 20 years physically, but comes out with several long forgotten spells and rituals that the king has taught him in their mental training

This part here reminds me of Ner'zhul and the frozen throne in wc3. Lich in an icey tomb that is siphoning life off some poor sap.

The gist from what i'm reading it sounded like the story was going to have a power hungry Harry that doesn't sex up everything that breathes. ( Sorry Vash :P ) I am guessing that you got some of your inspiration from Raistlin's character in dragonlance?

Cheers for showing some of your notes anyway.

06-20-2007, 11:11 AM
Wow...glad you showed us your notes, only downside is that I read them all and actually wanted to see them come to life.


Maybe you will write more someday...

06-21-2007, 12:02 AM
I think this could of been pretty decent if you hadn't lost interest :) oh well, it easily happens with most fandoms.

This part here reminds me of Ner'zhul and the frozen throne in wc3. Lich in an icey tomb that is siphoning life off some poor sap.

The gist from what i'm reading it sounded like the story was going to have a power hungry Harry that doesn't sex up everything that breathes. ( Sorry Vash :P ) I am guessing that you got some of your inspiration from Raistlin's character in dragonlance?

Cheers for showing some of your notes anyway.

Yeah I was playing WC3 heavily at the time. The Antarctic thing no one really got, but my take on it was going to be, they destroyed themselves with their magic, causes the ice to overtake the land over 20K years ago. It was, in reality once a tropical land, and if you took the ice off the top of the land, the ground itself would shoot above the water creating a massive landmass after awhile (I want to say I read this in Science 3 years ago ish) So I was trying to slip in some cool hypothetical science while explaining how it'd be possible.

Raistlin! Harry

No doubt, I even had this written for him to say towards the end.

"My loyalty first and forever, is to the magic. It guides me, supports me, and bows to my will. You will never see again one who has become like what I have become."

I wanted to mindfuck the readers. I wanted the revelation in the middle that the voice in Harry's head guiding him that he, and the readers thought was Sirius, was in reality Voldemort slowly steering him towards Darkness, to throw everyone. When I named it Traitor's Within, it was with that in mind, and with the wolf in Lupin overtaking him.

Then I started reading some political Harry story when I got hurt, and I started coming up with ways for him to fuck everyone over and have none of them realize it was actually Harry doing it.

The Umbridge thing for example. He gets a spy, she's a evil twat anyhow, makes her join the DE, which she wants to do anyhow, he has he stealing stuff, he turns her in after he's got what he wants, she's under compulsion not to reveal she works with him, Harry suddenly gets revenge on her for screwing him over in book 5, gets massive trust boost from the DE crowd, which in turn fucks them over even more and makes his dismantlement of the DE easier.

I do wish I hadn't gotten turned off by fandom, but when I started writing I was out injured from work, and my work load was light. Now, years later, I've got like 5 promotions, quadrupled my pay and work load, and barely have time to log on for a few hours a night, lol

08-02-2009, 12:09 AM
i clicked all 3 links, and none of em work...

08-02-2009, 12:14 AM
Probably because that was over 4 years ago. But maybe not.

08-02-2009, 12:47 AM
O.o /facepalm

08-11-2009, 08:36 PM
Now now middy. The story was epic...I wish I saved a copy.

Edit:Sorry, forgot to look at the date. Remember kids always look at the date a thread was last active.

08-11-2009, 09:33 PM
Wild IndoGhost appears!

Salazar Slytherin
10-18-2009, 05:32 PM
Just one question...can anyone post the fanfiction address of the story?

Dark Syaoran
10-18-2009, 06:07 PM
...are you fucking serious? How about using the private message function to contact the author.

Oh yeah, where should we put this thread now? None of the links work, so there is no reason for it to be in the library any more.

Edit: Moved into Fanfic Discussion and title changed.

10-18-2009, 07:20 PM
Been meaning to do that, thanks Dark