1. DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

    Competition topic: Magical New Year!

    Marathon goal? Crank out words!

    Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.

    Dismiss Notice
  2. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

    New Thread Thursday
    +
    Shit Post Sunday

    READ ME
    Dismiss Notice

Harry's Twist by Ten Toes

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Korisovra, Jun 18, 2008.

  1. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    1,163
    Location:
    At your mothers house
    Title: Harry's Twist
    Author: Ten Toes
    Rating: PG-13/T
    Genre: AU
    DLP Category: AU
    Pairing: NOne as of yet.
    Status: WIP
    Summary: Harry does some thinking after the DOM fiasco. An overheard conversation turns his world upside down and he decides to return the favor.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4123423/1/Harrys_Twist

    An interesting twist on a few old clichés. A bit different from the usual Manipulative!Dumbledore stories. Well written and thought out. I give it a 4/5 for now.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2008
  2. Mors

    Mors Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    814
    Location:
    Somewhere they dont haet teh leet.
    I gave up when Harry sent that letter.
     
  3. Bukay

    Bukay Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2006
    Messages:
    420
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London, England
    Just no.

    Ron/Hermione working for Dumbledore all al
    Dumbledore manipulating - it's getting old reading how his lies are uncovered. He's better than that, even in canon his manipulations were revealed after his death...

    And wtf is with this letter? Treating death of his parents as a collateral damage I can understand. However he has a Dark Lord after his hide. There is no peaceful way out of it as Voldemort is too afraid of a potential threat Harry might pose to his immortality to let him live. It's "killing your enemy before he IS a threat" tactic...

    I'll give it a 2/5. The writing is ok, the plot ruins it all...
     
  4. thapagan

    thapagan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2006
    Messages:
    577
    Right now it is just more of the same, fun but not special.

    Wonder if it could be turned int aweson!win, but odds are against.
     
  5. Mors

    Mors Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    814
    Location:
    Somewhere they dont haet teh leet.
    Oh, for fuck's sake. Can we cut it out? Fail sarcasm is fail.

    Harry sends an open letter to Voldemort, declaring neutrality. Harry goes to school, bashes Ron and Hermione who were spying, send Ginny who was trying to dose him with a love potion to the Hospital Wing with a lot of glass shards in her face, and... advises all the stuidents to hightail out of Britain as he plans his own escape.

    Yeah, all the Indy!Harry stories went out and had an orgy, and this was born.
     
  6. Goddessa39

    Goddessa39 DA Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2006
    Messages:
    162
    Location:
    My Mind, Earth
    Twist

    Well, there are plenty of cliche pieces but the author fully admited to it. There are slight changes where Mcgonnagall is okay with Dumbles being such a bastard and that is unfavorable. I generally like the old gal though there are reasons that she pisses me off in some fics.

    There was a bit too much italics in each chapter but being of letters that explain part of what is going on makes sense. There is something to the fic but let's hope it continues. 4/5.
     
  7. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    I didn't mind it so much. the interaction in the beginning were overdone, and the letter was far FAR over the top, but frankly when you factor in harry's age it's almost a gaurentee that anything sent for publication will be. If anything he sounded to mature to be 16.

    Minerva's interaction with dumbledore was rather interesting, as was Albus' rather violent reaction to the newspaper. Both of which were quite believable in my opinon. In fact I'd go so far as to say that it's a Break away fic done right.

    Dumbledore is intellegent as hell, just just got poor information and is paying for it.

    Harry is smart enough to pick out and piece together the obvious descripencies in his life. Add to that overhearing R&H bragging about what they were going to do, and an undecectable link to Tom, and it's actually quite ingenious and well thought out. I alway rather liked his analgies to warfare, and I felt that the reason for his neutrality was well founded. The story isn't perfect by any means, and the beginning, the letter especially, needs work, but the later sections certainly made up for it.

    a solid 4/5
     
  8. Inziladun

    Inziladun First Year

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2008
    Messages:
    29
    Location:
    Spain
    I could with difficulties read it all, the fic's got some things that are somewhat new like the fact that Minerva is something other than an I'll-do-as-Albus-wants-even-if-it-involves-bending-my-knees... But most of it its too cliche without really adding anything, no adventure, no Harry fights back, nothing of interest, just a Harry that realises that he has no chance and decides to do the easy thing, surrender. The fact that he chats with Voldemort inside his head, calls him Tom while drinking beer does nothing good for the fic.
    Don't really know about the writing, but the plot doesn't deserve anything above 2/5.
     
  9. Calis Clayr

    Calis Clayr Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2007
    Messages:
    293
    Location:
    One of the smallest countries in the world
    No. Just.... no.
    The second chapter killed it even worse than the first did. Too many clichés, the 'mental room' and Harry and Voldemort suddenly being best buds after a single letter... Kill it. Kill it with fire.

    I'll admit it's decently written, at least compared to 90% of the other crap out there, but that's the only good thing I can find.

    1/5, and that single point is because of the writing.
     
  10. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2007
    Messages:
    833
    Location:
    Iceland
    The letter was obviously written for everyone else's benefit, Harry and Voldemort had already decided to stop fighting each other.

    I personally thought this fairly entertaining. It provides the reader a look into a possibility which isn't too commonly used, despite the rampant clichés. As mane-stream Indy!Harry stories go, this isn't too bad.

    4/5
     
  11. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    6,036
    Started on this around when it was first posted.

    The letter killed it for me. I kept reading on it, but, eventually I just gave up all together.

    While the concept was interesting, the execution was minimal at best. Maybe if it was retooled a bit.

    I'll give it a 3/5 for decent writing and the attempt.
     
  12. Dante

    Dante Slug Club Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2007
    Messages:
    197
    Location:
    Lithuania
    When I saw the title of this story I somehow thought about cook!Harry... You know, like in Oliver's Twist (Jamie Oliver) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oliver's_Twist. If this isn't funny then tell me and I'll go lurk some more :D
     
  13. Banner

    Banner Dark Lady

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    Messages:
    1,672
    Location:
    Virginia, USA
    This is highly enjoyable. I love a strong, ruthless Harry, and this one is smart and sane. He has the depth that JKR never bothered to develop.

    McGonagall's reaction was the real shocker - I hadn't dreamed that she was THAT far into the plans. Dumbledore flew off the handle, but that's actually pretty normal for someone who realises that their pawn has been playing THEM. I never thought much of Remus, anyway.

    Good job with Ginny and the rest of the "first tier." The rest of the Gryff boys were well drawn.

    4/5, with lots of hope for the future.
     
  14. fuubar

    fuubar Headmaster

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2007
    Messages:
    1,101
    There's not really a whole lot that I can say that hasn't already been said. It has a fair number of cliches, however all of them are executed better than the majority of the other times that you see them used. The author even manages to include a couple of things that are unexpected, ie McGonagall and her reaction. It's definitely worth a read, it isn't the best story out there by a long shot but still manages to be entertaining. 4/5
     
  15. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2005
    Messages:
    2,129
    POINTLESS WHINY BITCHING POSTS BY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN DELETED. Take it to PMs if your feelings get hurt next time.

    As for this fic? Seems very... standard. Not enough to judge yet.
     
  16. Jenkins

    Jenkins Forum Bike DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,245
    Location:
    Australia.
    Nothing special, It's a very cliche start if you ask me, though I won't judge too hardly on that. Points for Australia though. I'll stick with it, but it's only just keeping my interest at this point and that's mainly because I can assume that it will become better. 2.5/5
     
  17. Vorpal

    Vorpal Third Year

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    99
    This story oscillates between the whiny rambling monologue and the good old bash-fest. Even if we accept all of the accusations as true (cliches ahoy!), Harry's letter is nothing but a transparent attempt at justifying himself to the wizarding world, but in a manner that does little but ensuring him as many new political enemies as possible.

    And I suppose that's what's wrong this story in a nutshell: instead of either taking revenge by manipulating the situation or washing his hands clean of the entire mess, Harry essentially throws an extended tantrum. And while Harry is a sixteen-year-old boy, making such a reaction not unrealistic (and even more than a bit understandable given his situation, cliche-infested as it is), it still makes it boring. 2/5; the only thing saving it from a lower score is this tiny bit of realism.
     
  18. Goddessa39

    Goddessa39 DA Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2006
    Messages:
    162
    Location:
    My Mind, Earth
    Twist of a Twist

    I don't think this is meant to be a serious fic; well, there isn't enough to judge yet but the humor inlaid everywhere has promise. And if it is, I apologize, and it was just posted in haste. The bashing is awesome as always and the whole Mcgonaghall thing is kinda new and something different to read.

    Dumbledore sounds like a whinny little bastard and Minnie a petulant mother (to Dumbles), however. Anyone wanna guess who is wearing the pants in that family?

    All in all, with the two chappies that are there, it isn't bad is worth waiting for new chappoes, I think.
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2008
  19. Orm Embar

    Orm Embar Auror

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    605
    Location:
    On the shores of Selidor
    Meh.

    Well-written, but cliche riddled. I'll give this a 3/5.
     
  20. Bratling

    Bratling Professor

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2008
    Messages:
    409
    Location:
    middle of no where, Georgia
    An enjoyable read. Yeah, there are lots of clichés, but it's well-handled, at least. 4/5 for being much better than average.
     
Loading...