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Old 08-14-2008, 06:52 PM   #1
kmfrank
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Almost a Squib by BajaB - K (squib!Harry)

Title: Almost a Squib
Author: BajaB
Rating: K
Genre: Humor/Parody
DLP Category: Humor/Parody
Pairing: None
Chapters: 7
Words: 46,899
Updated: January 18, 2008
Published: November 11, 2007

Status: Complete
Summary: What if Vernon and Petunia were even more successfull in 'beating all that nonsense' out of Harry? A silly AU story of a nonpowerful, but cunning, Harry.
Link: Link

I'm not quite sure how this hasn't been posted yet. I did search through the library and all, but if I'm retarded and just didn't find it, let me know.

I read "Two Weeks in the Alley" by the same author and enjoyed it, so I found this on his page and thought it was even better. Hilarious squib!Harry, with the cleverness of Jim Butcher's Tavi from Codex Alera. He copes with his pathetic magical ability in a myriad of hysterical ways. One of the few stories to have me burst out loud laughing at times.

Read it, it's great. 5/5 for me.



Checked by Minion, February 6, 2013
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Last edited by Dark Minion; 02-06-2013 at 01:18 PM.
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Old 08-14-2008, 08:05 PM   #2
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Best part was his son's name. That is all. 5/5
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Old 08-14-2008, 08:16 PM   #3
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Quote:
Malfoy’s smile got slightly sickly. “I’ll teach you manners, Potter.”


“Right,” said Harry. “I know just how to handle bullies.”


With that, he suddenly kicked the Malfoy heir in the robes.
As Draco bent double, Harry brought his knee up and into Draco’s face, breaking the boy’s nose with a horrifying crunching sound.
Yeah, that pretty much did it for me. 4/5 It was enjoyable, but not great.
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Old 08-15-2008, 01:14 AM   #4
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I'm only part way through the first chapter at the moment, but there a lot of grammar and word choice mistakes. I can still understand the story but it makes it a whole lot less enjoyable. Hopefully it will improve.

EDIT: I like this story, i like it a lot. It has an interesting plot and entertaining characters, not once did I skim through it to get past a boring part because nothing was boring. Yes there are errors, the previously mentioned grammar and word choice screw ups are present till the very end, but the author improved over the course of writing this fic and I have to give credit where credit is due.

Not perfect, but then again what is?

4/5

Last edited by Banta; 08-15-2008 at 02:58 AM.
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Old 08-15-2008, 01:40 AM   #5
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I really liked the story. 4.5/5 from me. Although the author didn't say who he married. Pity.
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Last edited by Richard; 08-15-2008 at 01:41 AM. Reason: added a missing word.
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Old 08-15-2008, 08:01 AM   #6
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That was pretty awesome.

I'm thinking the wife was probably Luna, but I quite like the fact that she's nameless.

Very funny, 4/5
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Old 08-15-2008, 09:53 AM   #7
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It wasn't bad, and it left parts open to interpretation. Harry was smart in a way that made up for the lack of magic in order to survive. Not bad. 9/10.
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Old 08-15-2008, 12:40 PM   #8
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I really liked this story. Funny as hell at times. I don't like canon bashing that much, but BajaB managed to pull it off while sounding hilarious at the same time. His fascination with dropping dungbombs everywhere was awesome.

Definitely a 5/5 for me.
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Old 08-15-2008, 01:25 PM   #9
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5/5, that was amazin'. Have to agree that toward the end it got a bit to be simple canon bashing but its otherwise good.

Quote:
Harry took off the invisibility cloak and looked down upon the man he hated. Voldemort had struck Snape down, using the snake to murder the man he thought was the true master of the Elder wand.A terrible rasping, gurgling noise issued from the dying man’s throat.
“Take. . . it. . . . Take. . . it. . . . ”
Something more than blood was leaking from Snape. Silvery blue, neither gas nor liquid, gushed from his mouth and his ears and his eyes, and Harry knew what it was; it was memories.
“No,” said Harry.
Shock and then anger registered on Snape’s face.
“Take it!” he rasped again, more forcefully.
“Forget it, Snivellus,” said Harry coldly. “Whatever it is, I don’t care. You have nothing I want to see, except possibly your last breath. Goodbye.”
“No!” croaked Snape, but Harry had already stood up and stepped back a pace.
“Look at me,” Snape croaked, sounding desperate.
“You hate Muggles,” said Harry, “but let me share with you two pearls of wisdom they have: ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold’, and ‘You reap what you sow’.”
With that, Harry turned his back on the dying man and walked away.
Behind him, Hermione rushed forward to scoop up the memories with her wand before they disappeared, but Harry didn’t care – he just hoped the loathsome man couldn’t come back as a ghost.
Wins for that alone

Last edited by JoJo23; 08-15-2008 at 01:29 PM. Reason: quote for great justice
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Old 08-15-2008, 01:31 PM   #10
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I would have sworn this had been on DLP before. Guess it was just several of BajaB's other fics.

And yes, this is very original, clever, light-hearted and fun, extremely amusing, stays somewhat faithful to canon while at the same time skewering it. If there's a fault, it's that I wish there was more and it was longer. Normally, I'd never want to read about a squib!Harry but this works great. 5/5.
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Old 08-15-2008, 04:17 PM   #11
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Nonjon said it all, so...

5/5.
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Old 08-15-2008, 04:37 PM   #12
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Luna, isn't obvious?

Great read, very recommended. 4.5/5
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Old 08-15-2008, 04:52 PM   #13
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I too remember this being here before. Was still a good read though.

4/5
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Old 08-15-2008, 05:25 PM   #14
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o_o

I don't remember this story being posted here at all, and apparently, neither does the search function.
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And I'm horny
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If you choose to proceed you will indeed concede
Cos I hit you with my flow
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Old 08-15-2008, 05:57 PM   #15
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4.5/5 This story fixes every parts of idiocy from the book.
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Old 08-15-2008, 06:16 PM   #16
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I don't get it. If the story isn't a 5/5 for a person, why can't they give reasons for why it's a 4/5 or a 4.5/5? >_>
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And I'm horny
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Old 08-15-2008, 06:19 PM   #17
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I rated it 4.5/5 because it could have been written better. Only because you're a super moderator
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Old 08-15-2008, 07:15 PM   #18
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Refreshing, to say the least. 4/5.

It would get a five, but despite his intelligence and willingness to do whatever he needs to do... I don't like squib!Harry.
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Old 08-15-2008, 11:19 PM   #19
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Quite a good read had plenty of funny moments that lands this a story a 4/5
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Old 08-16-2008, 12:14 AM   #20
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This was the most enjoyable story I've read in quite a while. Quick, fun and entertaining, without getting bogged down by elaborate extra scenes; if the story was any longer it wouldn't have been as good.

The comedy was well-done, the characters were on point and the small deviations felt like... well, small deviations.

I have to say 5/5.
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