Would anyone mind helping me out? I'm afraid I always seem to miss key mistakes in my fic (spellcheck confuses words with similar ones, a few missing letters here and there at times) and am too tired to sometimes even bother giving it a fourth re-read. The only chances I get to usually write are at night after work so you can imagine I'm pretty pooped by then.

I have another Beta on ff.net but they haven't returned to me after agreeing to clean up my fic, which is a hefty 145k words atm so I don't blame them for taking a while or giving up outright but if they won't respond and I need to get my newest update out then it's a bit of a problem.

It is a Naruto fic, and a crossover at that.

 

Regarding your fic, I'll say some things about chapter one. First of all, it's just a long author's note. That's against FFnet's rules, and while it might sound ridiculous there's at least one group on FFnet who make it their mission to swamp stories like yours with rules violation reports and get them taken down.

Secondly, there is nothing in that author's note that actually needs saying and it looks a bit desperate and untidy. When I crack open a professional novel, I can't recall them ever beginning with a long list of explanations and apologies. The author presents the story as written.

Out of the twelve points you raised, none of them were required, and some of them were detrimental to your story. I don't want to read about your antagonist, writing style, future plot directions, or the lack of chakra/sage mode in HotD-verse in the author's notes. These are all things that the reader should slowly discover for themselves through the course of the story. They're exploring this world you've crafted for them and you're just giving bits of it away unnecessarily in the A/N.

I looked at the beginning of the next chapter and you had an underlined dialogue line for reasons I couldn't determine. It's an unusual style choice.

Also, I'll give you one grammar correction:

It's a minor error to some people, but a pet peeve of mine. As it's written, Naruto says his line in a normal voice, and then he starts quietly mumbling nonsense like a crazy person on the subway [or Gollum, my precious]. Change that period for a comma and "He" to the lowercase to fix it.

Is mumbled the right choice of verb for your protagonist? It belongs to the weak, unsure, shy, and crazy.

The premise seems workable and nothing stood out to me as hugely flawed in the brief part I looked out. You made some interesting style choices there with a bit more of Naruto's thoughts on display than normal, exposing his cynical wit. Naruto in the Highschool of the Dead universe sounds interesting.

 

If mumbled is what the author intends, then that 'quietly' is also entirely redundant. It's one of those unsightly adverbs that hinders more than helps.

The very nature of a mumble is quiet. Basically what we've got is a character mumbling mumblingly.