I'm outlining a Naruto fic based around two ideas. 1. Kage Bunshin has serious and long term side-effects on mental health, and 2. Ino snags Sasuke after hacking his brain.

Naruto is the ultimate antagonist of the story, so aside from the first scene, I want to go 3rd limited through a different set of eyes for each chapter. But it still needs emotional continuity over a long period of time. So, I was thinking of dividing up the story to an Ino/Sasuke/Sakura part and a Naruto part, with the Ino plot focusing on character development while the Naruto plot builds up to him becoming a major problem.

Can I do this? Is there an easier way to conjoin the two? Is the premise interesting and original?

Thoughts/Comments/Unadulterated Vitriol greatly appreciated.

 

your twin goals are fine. Weird. but fine.

Your premise is not interesting, but it is original.

You want to mix Naruto going crazy via kage bunshin fucking his mind and Ino snagging sasuke via fucking his mind (and then his body). You have an interesting set of parallels here. Run sasuke and Naruto as their minds collapse and the pink elephant parades start. Why not tell it from a third perspective, perhaps someone who disapproves of mindfuckery.
Or keep it only in the minds of the crazy. You have two crazy perspectives, have us only see the world through their eyes, trying to peice together whats actually going on by comparing the two perspectives.

 

1. If this were true, the hokage/Kakashi/everyone would make damn sure that Naruto would _never_ use the technique since an insane Kyuubi!Jinchuuriki would be a disaster in the making. And don't try to say that they would not know the consequences, we have seen KB used by lots of people in the series. Your idea sadly fails the common sense test right from the start.

2. By Ino hacking Sasukes brain you mean that Ino brainwashes him into becoming her sex-slave? This is called rape. After all the mental harm already done to Sasuke (Itachi,etc) any decent person would view what Ino would do as utterly abhorrent and sickening. Ino would then be the real villain rather than Naruto.

 

Also, Sasuke would break it. He fought off Orochimaru's mental attack, he can fight off Ino's, even without the Sharingan, I think.

 

NO. I want Naruto to be the central problem which everyone else has to deal with.

In this story, Kage Bunshin has feedback. If a clone gets stabbed, you remember the feeling of the blade going through your flesh and deflating your lung. On a larger level, each clone is a fully sentient copy of the original. The longer a clone lives, the more its mind differs from the maker, and it does more damage to the mind when multiple personalities try to merge. For clones made with the Kyuubi's chakra, their minds come back with a bit of crazy. As the story progresses, Naruto gets progressively more schizophrenic the more he abuses the clones.

On Ino: a twelve year old girl with an unhealthy obsession and the ability to walk into people's freaking minds sounds like a recipe for disaster. Accidentally erasing the memory of Itachi's mind-fuckery would make... Happy!Sasuke, which is something I have never seen before. Of course, the mind hack wouldn't work as planned and lead to other, bigger problems.

Are the two ideas too divergent? Naruto's build up to insane God King juxtaposed to Sasuke's journey to

self-actualization!?! ​

That sounds like fun.

 

The premise is intriguing, but you'll have to be one hell of a writer to pull it off with any degree of success. Very few people can give an accurate, and more importantly believable, portrayal of severe mental problems without it degenerating into an complete mess of nonsense and random. I'm tentatively interested, but wary of it actually being any good.