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WIP Legacy Undone by LD 1449 - T [Naruto]

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Zombie, Apr 19, 2018.

  1. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Title: Legacy Undone
    Author: LD 1449
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure
    Status: In-Progress
    Library Category: Other Fandom
    Pairings: None Currently
    Summary: It was their last, desperate gambit. Their last hope. They pinned everything on a prayer that he could save them...and now...he's not even sure if he can make it count anymore.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9834391/1/Legacy-Undone

    So, imagine my surprise when I'm randomly click links for stories to read and I come across this. I did a quick search and the only place this came up in was in a rec thread, so I decided to post it for review.

    LD1449 doesn't really have a good track record with DLP if I recall correctly. But I will ready pretty much anything as long as its moderately well written and doesn't reek of garabage.

    This fic really surprised me. I will admit that initially when the whole setup happened that I was contemplating stopping reading it when the whole Time Travel happened, and the cost of said time travel. But I stuck it out, and kept reading. And I really liked it.

    Its an AU so characterization is different. There is a Fem!Itachi. Apparently a Good!Orochimaru (as good as he could be) he's not his canon counterpart. Dan is alive, and Tsunade is happy. Sarutobi doesn't do the whole "I want to let you grow up normal" bullshit that most people seem to imitate from the HP fandom.

    There are time skips, the story where I'm at currently is pre-shippuden with the formation of Team Seven, but there are many things going on that are super interesting.

    The Leaf/Iwa interactions are actually interesting. The other villages are more dimensional in the fact that he's actually having to flesh them out to make sure everyone can see how AU the world really is. And it works. I've liked his Kiri interactions, I've liked the whole Iwa and Dayimo dynamic going throughout.

    And Naruto is a ticking time bomb of PTSD and I'm going to murder your fucking family as a mix without being overly demented.

    Think the biggest upset I've had about this is the use of pet names, or shortened names as terms of endearment. That's always pissed me off. I guess it reminds me of baby talk. And I fucking abhor baby talk.

    I give this a 4/5. I've enjoyed it. There could be a bit of polishing on word choice, grammar, and flow sometimes, but really, this is a great story.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2018
  2. CareOtters

    CareOtters Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2010
    Messages:
    1,335
    Full disclosure, I'm only on chapter three, but this has really gripped me. Not going to go into spoilers just yet for the sake of other readers, but I really enjoyed the idea of the cost of travelling back in time - that adds a fantastic point of divergence from usual peggy sue fics, and then again I loved the decision of the person who was unexpectedly dead for twenty years.

    Some bold choices already when most writers are too scared to deviate from a beat by beat remake of canon. This is incredibly promising in a genre which hearkens towards stale repetition.

    As Zombro said, some minor and frankly stupid spelling and punctuation errors, but they seem more like careless typos than a lack of ability, so they don't bother me at all.

    Easily 4/5 so far. Will check back in once reading further.
     
  3. blob

    blob Fifth Year

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2011
    Messages:
    150
    There's a decent mix of good and bad in this story. Some details almost made me drop the story, but then another scene would be *really* good and I'd keep reading this chain of highs and lows despite the disappointments along the way. A definite plus is that the vast majority of it is new; there's very little in the way of canon rehash

    Plenty of minor problems. Missing comas, grammar mistakes, the works. Nothing too major, but the story could use a solid beta.

    Some attempts at humor actively harm the flow. The recent... 'obsession' of B with Orochimaru just makes me want to punch the author instead of being funny.

    Still, with the dearth of ongoing stories in Naruto fandom I'd definitely give it a shot. Plenty of fresh and fun ideas to be found and the later chapters have significantly less annoyances than the earlier ones did IMO. 3/5, maybe 3.5 if grammar mistakes don't bother you at all.
     
  4. EsperJones

    EsperJones Death Eater

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2006
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    977
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    The bulk of this story is from 2015, but it started updating again recently. That was a bit surprising to me as well - usually if it's been over a year or two stories don't get picked up again.

    Some of the future timeline seem dark for no reason, which is par for the course for the genre. The War beginning was done quite well although I have no idea how Tobi still exists in the new timeline.

    The writing is generally acceptable, but with a bunch of simple mistakes scattered across. I can't recall if it got better over time - but it stays pretty readable.

    3/5.
     
  5. fire

    fire High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2011
    Messages:
    589
    I enjoyed the Part 1/pre-Shippuden parts, but dropped it after when I got bored. For the part I've read I'll say it's a solid 4/5 - Orochimaru is great, and there are sufficient changes to keep things interesting and prevent the Peggy Sue from being predictable.
     
  6. CrackedMind

    CrackedMind Death Eater

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2011
    Messages:
    908
    Location:
    New Jersey
    I definitely like this fic a lot, and I think it should be in the library. I also definitely have some pet peeves about it though.
    I think they make much too big of a deal about how when Orichimaru wants something he doesnt give it up, only for him to let Naruto go to the Daimyo's palace and then he pretty much disappears from the story.

    I loved what Naruto and Itachi did in that battle against Iwa, thought it was an awesome idea- but why did Naruto get such an asschewing afterwards? They make it seem like because Naruto is a rank and file member that his daring exploit was more stupid than incredible. Which... I mean, he's not a rank and file member. He's the container of the Nine Tailed Fox (or at least most people think he is). He has a personal relationship with two of the Sannin and the Hokage. Dude just completely routed the enemy, and you're gonna shit on him like that? Just seemed like an unneccessary dressing down when in canon that's the kind of thing that makes you a war hero.

    I'd give it a 4/5.
     
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