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WIP Victoria Potter by Taure - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by LinguaManiac, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. Xepheria

    Xepheria The Benefactor

    Apr 9, 2016
    High Score:
    Quite surprised to see this here - didn't realise you were writing again @Taure. That being said, this story is going places. There's a certain elegance to the worldbuilding, a richness of detail that just seems to fit with Rowling's creation. It's definitely still in its infancy, so there's not much plot to comment on, but the foundations for future development are clearly being laid, and I like them. A lot.

    I'm going to stick my rating at 5/5, despite it probably being too early to draw any definitive conclusions, if for no other reason than to save me the effort of putting it there in another hundred thousand words time.

    Pls no abandonerino
  2. LinguaManiac

    LinguaManiac Second Year

    Dec 14, 2015
    High Score:
    This is, I think, the central point here, not that you and this reviewer judge FanFiction different (although perhaps there's that). You as the author and him as the reader are seeing two very different stories, because you see what comes later.

    As you said, Victoria needs to be innocent (and seen to be innocent) before she can be corrupted by her power, fail so spectacularly that she is forced to re-assess her life, and then conquer her demons as she conquers Voldemort. If the reviewer were reading the whole story instead of just a snippet of it, he would likely be able to see this.

    I will, though, add my voice to something he wrote. He said

    This felt true when I read it. A lot was going on with Harry, even at the beginning. He had problems to solve, things to do, people to negotiate with. These don't feel quite as central to the plot of Victoria Potter.

    I see three arguments against this point:
    1) Victoria and Hermione are just starting to get into it, at just about the point Harry and Draco were,
    2) Because this is FanFiction, there is a great joy for most of the readers in exploring this world, and much of your clues as to how this world are different (such as Binns being gone and Flamel here, such as potions being a ritual) are all the excitement most of us need, and
    3) Victoria's struggles are there so long as you don't demand -- to paraphrase Ollivander -- bangs and smells storytelling. Her struggles are there but no so bodily as Harry's were. Instead of Harry Hunting and pushing and and threats from Draco, we get a slap and its consequences and dark looks that foretell danger between Susan and Pansy as well as between Hermione and Victoria. The extra subtlety isn't only mandatory (given the sex difference) but it shouldn't be regarded as more minor in the slightest.

    TL;DR: I felt as if the reviewer made a great point but then talked myself out of it as I was writing about what good a point he made. In other words, this whole spew of words might be totally useless but I figure, hey, not only have I already written it, but you might want to see how someone else is thinking about the story.
  3. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

    Dec 20, 2007
    Hbg., Germany
    As I had similar reservations (and still haven't read the revamp, but more due to a lack of time): Ultimately, it's just a difference of opinion over what the story should be. I enjoy a story with a protagonist who goes his way all the way -- setting his mind irrevocably on a direction that is misguided and tragic, but entirely understandable, as the impetus is nothing but his character as such, facing the circumstances that he did; and in doing so, by sheer force of will, breaks through the barriers in front of him one by one, only to finally find the goal he followed the entire time questionable and perhaps illusionary. There is no need for redemption, nor a happy ending.

    I felt Alex delivered exactly that very well, which was why I enjoyed her a lot, but was already unhappy with the last chapters that started on the redemption arc, IIRC.

    But ultimately -- it's not my story, and I'm not writing it, so it's not really fair to judge the story on what I think it should be, and isn't. I have my own stories for that. So it's more a meta-discussion about what makes for interesting stories than a discussion over what might make this story interesting, because "this story can be better by writing a different story" isn't really helpful advice.

    Which is not to say it's not an interesting discussion, though. So go write moar tragical stories of fem!Harrys that are delightfully bitchy and ignoring all advice, forcing all walls into which they headlong run to crumble, only to finally stand alone and wonder if it was worth it, @Taure :p
  4. MrBucket

    MrBucket First Year

    Jan 22, 2018
    The problem with this is that you would be the ten thousandth person to do it. People have already read canon, already know the Dursleys, Diagon Alley, the goblins, and have already read through the shopping trip a thousand times before. I don't think brushing over those things is a crutch for bad writing, it's just getting past the stuff that readers have already read before countless times.

    That said, I found it enjoyable anyway.
  5. Dresden11

    Dresden11 Second Year

    Oct 7, 2014
    Another new chapter. I am yet again blown away by the worldbuilding and the sheer brilliance in the creation of the magic. The Susan/Victoria friendship has been fun to read. Plus the great dodge of the almost forced Victoria/Hermione friendship was quite good. I was worried for a moment when I saw them not heading to the feast right away (not that I am averse to the friendship itself, its just so common for the MC and Hermione to become friends at that point even when they didn't like each other at all before).

    Plot remains pretty thin, but I am really fine with that. Keep the detailed magic coming, and I will continue to read and enjoy every chapter. The Flitwick/Victoria chat in class was what I always wanted in my HP fiction yet never really received before now. There was a possibility of Victoria having some divination abilities in this chapter. I do wonder if that will be a throw-a-way line for the readers or if Taure will expand on it later? I would like to see Divination be an actual subject instead of crap it was in canon.

    Honestly, all the little things make this story such an exciting read for me. From the castle itself, to the magic, to the students actually acting like kids, to the in-depth look at quidditch. Everything ties together to build a whole. Its probably not the read for people who want non-stop action, but I would definitely recommend this story for people wanting an in-depth view of a Wizarding World.